Enduring The Aftermath
by Thaena
Summary: When Johnny agrees to watch Roy's kids so they can get away for their Anniversary, he didn't plan on a run to Rampart. But accidents will happen. Too bad Roy doesn't see it that way. Can their partnership or their friendship survive the aftermath?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Nothing having to do with the TV Show Emergency! is mine. I just borrowed a few pages from their lives and my imagination. I get nothing for these writings but sore fingers and wrists. Any and all mistakes are mine, medical or otherwise. Feedback is craved for continuance but please be gentle; I bruise easily.

Enduring The Aftermath

Off duty LA County Firefighter/Paramedic John Gage took one last glance at the tow headed girl sleeping under the pink quilt then pulled the door nearly closed. Breathing a heavy sigh, he ran his thin fingers through his thick black hair before bringing his hands, palm up, before his face. He stared at them intently, noticing the slight tremors, almost still seeing the blood though he knew the repeated washing had removed every trace. _She's safe. She's safe in her bed. Doc said she'll be fine. _He told himself, desperately trying to get his mind to convince his churning stomach and aching heart it was true. With another sigh, he walked reluctantly away from the little girl's room and toward the other end of the house. Every fiber in his being bulked at reentering that room again but he knew he had too.

As he passed the closet, he reached in and grabbed a small bucket and mop. Entering the kitchen, he flipped on the light and stopped cold, letting his eyes travel around the room. The tremors from his hands migrated to his shoulders, across his back then down his legs forcing him to lose hold on the mop and bucket as he leaned heavily against the wooden doorframe.

_It looks like some sort of weird red polka dotted wallpaper._ Then the dark reddish brown pool in front of the sink caught his eye and his breath caught in his chest. _Well, except for that maybe._ Resolutely he crossed to the sink, filled one side with hot water, poured some cleaner into it then repeated the process with the bucket. He set the bucket on the floor, careful to avoid the splatters there then grabbed a sponge from under the sink and began.

First he wet the sponge, wrung it out and careful washed off the counters and backsplash, making sure he moved and wiped down every appliance and container. That task completed, he turned his attention to the refrigerator, stove, then the cabinets and finally the walls. His actions became methodical as he worked, blocking from his mind what he did until, as he rinsed the sponge off once again, he noticed the water had turned decidedly red -- blood red. A shudder ran through him as his mind plunged back a mere three hours.

The back screen door banged as Jennifer DeSoto rushed in, her cheeks red with excitement. "Chris said you said we can keep the puppy! Is that true??" Her blue eyes both pled with him and sparkled at him in her eagerness for his consent. She pushed the tendrils of blonde hair that had escaped her braid away from her face. At first he scowled at her, "Young lady, I've told you before about bursting in here like that." She dropped her eyes briefly to the top of her tennies. "Sorry, Uncle Johnny." Then blue eyes again pleaded. "What about the puppy?"

He smiled, "Now, mind you, we don't know what your Dad and Mom will say about this."

Jenny's eyes filled with tears. "But Uncle Johnny. He's all alone and he's sooooo little. He's got no one to take care of him. We can give him a good home. Dad likes doggies; I heard him say so once to mamma. He said sometimes at work he felt like he was taking care of a stray puppy."

Johnny choked on the swallow of coffee he'd just taken as the true meaning of what his partner had probably said hit him. He had no doubt _he_ had been the topic of discussion not a canine. He looked down into those intense blue eyes awash with tears he could rarely say no to. Besides, if Roy said no, he'd take the dog. He'd been thinking about getting a dog now that he had the ranch and the long legged husky mix that had been hanging around the house had wormed its way under the big hearted paramedic's skin. Looking back at his partner's daughter he gave a great sigh, pretending to have let her force his decision. "Ok. I guess so. The poor thing doesn't appear to have a home since it's been hanging around here for the last two days. We'll have to take it to the vet to get it checked out. Till then it'll have to sleep in the garage."

She laughed and pirouetted. "Yes! A puppy!"

"Now Jen, don't get your hopes up too high. Your parents might say no and they have the last say-so." He cautioned.

She sobered then looked thoughtful. "Maybe I can get Chris on my side. Maybe if I promise to take good care of her all by myself mom will let me."

"Him" Johnny automatically corrected. Jenny looked at him bewildered and he elaborated. "The puppy is a him. I checked."

Suddenly Jenny let out a squeal and threw her arms around the paramedic's waist, nearly knocking him over. "Uncle Johnny! _You're_ gonna take the puppy! Oh, I know he'll be soo happy at your house. He'll have the barn to play in and all the fields to run in and when you go camping you can take him with you . . ." Johnny smiled as she prattled on. "My thoughts exactly," he muttered.

Jenny reached up and pulled her uncle's head downward, giving him a resounding kiss on the cheek before she danced happily away. Then she frowned. "But it's hungry. What can I feed it?" Even as the words came out of her mouth, she pulled open the fridge and grabbed a package of hotdogs.

Before she could run back outside, he grabbed the hot dogs out of her hands with a stern, "I don't think so missy, that's _our_ supper."

"But the puppy's hungry! I just know he is." She pouted up at him and his heart melted like an abandoned snow cone on a Hawaiian beach.

"Awright. Um. How 'bout you give him a can of Mousie's food. I'm sure she won't mind."

She bounced off toward the pantry and returned with a can of cat food. He took the rescued hotdogs and laid them on the counter while he pulled out a sauce pan then filling it with water, placed it on the stove. At the other end of the counter, he heard the sound of the electric can opener, then a mumbled, "Great. Lid's still stuck on. Eeeeuuuuu, what is that gunk in there? Yuck!" He chortled as he placed the hotdogs in the pan, listening without looking as water from the faucet ran full blast. _She must have gotten some of that gel on her hand. _ He thought, _Yeah, she's right, what is that gunk anyway?_

The scream assaulted his ears just as something wet assaulted his face. He turned. Jenny now bounced from one foot to the other by the sink, shaking her right hand as hard as she could. Drops from her hand splattered the ceiling, the counter, the floor, her, him. Red drops. Blood.

His eyes went wide and in two steps, he reached her, grabbing for her shaking hand. "Stop! Jenny stop! Hold still. Let me look at it." She stopped, tears pouring down her cheeks as she sobbed. "It hurts! It hurts!" He pulled the hand back under the running water in an attempt to rinse off enough of the blood to see the damage. _How did she . . . the can_! He glanced at the guilty bit of tin; saw the lid at a 45 angle from the can, tiny bits of metal still connecting the two. Instantly he knew what had happened. He looked back at the hand. Fingers still all there, but not looking right. With his other hand, he grabbed a clean dishcloth, placed it over the fingers, and pressed down. He crouched down beside her as he noticed the paleness of her face. "I …I feel funny." She murmured as her eyes went wide. Without any hesitation, he scooped her up, plopped her on a chair and forced her head between her knees. She gave a faint giggle. "Now I can't breath." She struggled against his hand, trying to get to the floor.

"It's awright, this will help." he soothed her.

"I know my first aid, Uncle Johnny. For shock you lay the victim down and elevate the feet. Then I can breath." With a forced smile, he let her down, keeping his hand on her hand and the hand well above her heart. "Better?" He asked. She nodded.

He turned his attention back to the hand, pulling the towel carefully away, trying to ascertain the extent of the injury. It was deep. It was bad. The front of the thumb gaped open, nearly severed. He wrapped it again and looked about. The phone hung on the wall in front of him barely out of reach. He looked back down at his blood-splattered charge. "Jenny I want you to hold real still and put your other hand right here." He showed her how to grasp the hand wrapped in the towel and tightened her fingers around it. "It hurts, Uncle Johnny." She cried. Each word was a dagger into his heart but he kept his voice calm and even. "I know sweetheart but you must keep pressure on it." She did as he asked and he stood. She gave out a cry and grabbed for his leg, "Don't leave me!"

He knelt back again, placing a gentle hand on her face. "I'm not leaving you, sweetheart. I just need to reach the phone so I can call for help." He stood again, "See, I'm right here. Keep that pressure on your hand."

Blue eyes streaming tears remained glued to him as he leapt for the phone, the receiver barely in his hand before he spun the dial in a number well known. As soon as dispatch answered, he explained who he was, where, and what the problem was. The answers he received made him slam the receiver back with a muffled curse.

"Unco Shonny" The slurring of his name set him immediately back to her side, his hand replacing hers where it had eased off. "It's awright Jenny. I'm right here. I'll take care of you." He murmured, his other hand stroking her hair from her forehead.

_How am I going to take care of her? No ambulances available for 25 minutes. The nearest squad is ½ an hour away. I need to get her to a hospital now. She needs replacement fluids_. _She's going to go into shock_. He watched as she shivered and moved her closer against him, striving to provide warmth with his own body heat.


	2. Chapter 2

Enduring the Aftermath Chapter 2:

Enduring the Aftermath Chapter 2:

Just as he'd made a decision to take her himself he heard the doorbell.

"Come In!" he yelled.

"Hey Johnny? It's Mike. I'm just returning the drill I borrowed from Roy. Becky wanted to know if you and Jenny wanted to join us tonight for a . . .oh my God!" The voice got closer as Mike entered the house, trying to find his shiftmate and stopped dead at the kitchen entrance.

"Mike. In the hallway, first door on the left, second shelf. Bring me a blanket. Roy has a kit on the top shelf- bring it too." Johnny's words were clipped and businesslike. Trained by years of responding to the paramedic's orders, Mike dropped the drill and did as requested, returning quickly with the items. He helped Johnny wrap the blanket around Jenny's shivering form and pulled the BP cuff out of the bag, placing it around her uninjured arm all the while staring as if entranced at the bloodied cloth Johnny clutched high. "Johnny?" He questioned.

"Later." Came the terse reply.

Johnny directed Mike to hold the stethoscope on Jenny's elbow while he pumped up the bulb then slowly deflated it.

"Mike, give me the receiver and dial Rampart." Mike noticed Johnny's voice was as calm and as professional as ever. _How does he do that? I know I couldn't if it were one of my kids or any other kid I personally know. _He handed Johnny the receiver, not watching to see him tuck it between his shoulder and his ear before dialing the number. After four rings, a melodic voice answered. "Rampart Emergency, Nurse McCall speaking."

"Dix, this is Johnny Gage. I'm with Jenny DeSoto and she's severely cut her hand. At least three fingers involved and the thumb nearly severed; I'm holding direct pressure on the wound. Her pulse is 80, respirations 22, BP 109/65. I've got her wrapped and will be bringing her in myself. No ambulance or squad is available for 30 minutes. ETA 15 minutes." Johnny's voice remained as controlled as if he were on any run. Dixie had responded to so many such calls with him that she too responded similarly. "10-4 51 err, I mean Johnny. Bring her in; we'll be waiting." She hung up the phone and snagged Dr. Brackett as he exited a treatment room. He noticed her worried frown and grinned, "What's up Dix? It can't be the dynamic duo. Roy's on leave and Johnny's off duty."

Dixie made a face and instantly Kelly Brackett sobered, his brows now furrowing as Dixie explained. "Kel, that was John Gage. He's on his way in with Jenny DeSoto. Severe injury to her hand." As she spoke, Brackett read over the pad the nurse had taken the information on. He slapped it with his hand and gave rapid-fire instructions. "Damn, no squad. That means no IV. Set up a treatment room, notify X-ray, page Dr. Bentley he's the best hand guy we have. Get him down here stat and let me know the instant they get here." Dixie gave a curt nod to the departing figure, her hand already on the in-house phone.

Back in the DeSoto kitchen, Johnny was pulling Jenny up into his lap, one hand under her knees the other still holding up her hand across her shoulders as her uninjured arm snaked around his neck.

"My Rover, Mike. You drive."

Mike merely nodded, grabbing Johnny's keys from where he nodded their location and proceeding the paramedic out the door.

"Open the back seat."

Mike did and helped Johnny slid in, still holding Jenny securely in his lap. "Prop her feet up with that tackle box." Again Mike followed the directions, again amazed at how calm Johnny seemed. He slid in behind the wheel and glanced back at the paramedic through the review mirror.

Johnny had his head down, talking quietly and soothingly to his patient, "Ok Jenny. We're heading to Rampart. Miss Dixie and the Doctors know we're coming and they'll be able to take good care of you."

Jenny blinked sleepily at her uncle, "Uncle Johnny? It doesn't hurt so much any more. It just feels kinda tingly." She gave a soft moan then added, "My head hurts and my tummy feels funny."

Johnny raised his head and caught Mike's eyes. "Go Mike. Go now and don't worry about speed." Mike swallowed with a suddenly dry throat as he started the engine, jammed it into gear and raced down the street. A cold sweat covered the engineer's brow as he glanced back into the mirror but Johnny's attention was once more on his patient. Mike was glad; he didn't want to see Johnny's eyes again. _All this time I thought he was being so calm, so with it._ He shook his head as he pushed the gas pedal down further. The look in the paramedic's eyes had severely rattled the engineer. What he'd seen in Johnny's brown depths was pure undiluted terror.

They made it to the hospital in record time, between the engineer's driving skills and the paramedic's knowledge of streets and shortcuts. A mere ten minutes had passed from the time Johnny had spoken to Dixie until the time the blood-splattered paramedic burst through the emergency doors carrying his patient. Dixie met him with a gurney and an orderly which Johnny shoved past, never releasing Jenny's hand as he barked. "Which room?"

"Treatment 2" Dixie replied, barely keeping up with the stone faced paramedic as he charged into the room. Jenny watched in a detached fashion as the lights whizzed by over her head, then closed her eyes and turned her face into her protector's chest. Once in the treatment room, Johnny gently placed Jenny on the table but didn't release her or back away as two doctors- Brackett and another he didn't know moved in. "We've got her now Johnny" Bracket told the paramedic as he placed his own hand over the blood covered one. Johnny didn't move or back off. Brackett glanced up at his paramedic, taking in the glazed look, the thin set lips, and the pale face splattered with red—looking oddly like measles spots. He put his other hand on Johnny's shoulder and squeezed, his voice calm and as soothing as Johnny's had been earlier as he assured the younger man. "We have her now, Johnny. You did well, now let us finish." His eyes caught Dixie's where she hovered near the little girl's head supervising as a nurse quickly started an IV.

Dix gave a curt knowing nod and pulled on Johnny's arm as her fingers pried Johnny's from the blood soaked towel. "Come on Johnny. You know she's in good hands. Dr. Bentley is the best in LA. Besides, you have some calls to make and some paperwork to fill out, correct?" She felt the grip in the young man's hand lessen as he blinked at her then nodded. She led him toward the door but he stopped as a trembling voice called, "Don't go."

Johnny cleared his throat and smiled engagingly at Jenny. "It's ok sweetheart, I'm not leaving. I'll be right on the other side of this door. You know Dr. Brackett and Miss McCall. They'll take really good care of you and I'll be back in as soon as I can." Reluctantly she nodded and Dixie pushed him through the door. Dr. Bentley watched in undisguised interest. He motioned with his head toward the door. "The father knew what to do and did it well." He commented.

"He's not my daddy," came a voice from the bed, "He's my Uncle Johnny and he and my daddy are the best paramedics in all LA, right Dr. Brackett?"

Dr. Bentley looked from his diminutive patient to Dr. Brackett who nodded, his mouth curling up into a smile. "Right, Jenny. Dr. Bentley, you just met FireFighter/Paramedic John Gage. This here little lady is his partner Roy DeSotos' girl."

Dr. Bentley chuckled, a deep pleasant sound, "So! That was the younger half of the dynamic duo! I've been wanting to meet them. Now, let's see what he's brought us, shall we?" He carefully unwrapped the bloody towel and looked at the injured hand, once more all business.


	3. Chapter 3

On the other side of the door, Johnny suddenly sagged against the doorframe as tremors shook his body

On the other side of the door, Johnny suddenly sagged against the doorframe as tremors shook his body. Dixie held tighter to his arm and caught Mike's eye. Without delay, the engineer strode over and grabbed the paramedic's other arm. Together they half led, half dragged the younger man into the doctor's lounge. Mike led his shiftmate to one of the tables and pushed him gently but firmly into a chair as Dixie rejoined them, three cups of coffee in her hand. She shoved one at the paramedic, taking his limp hand when he made no motion and wrapped it around the handle. "Drink." She ordered.

He did as commanded, feeling the hot liquid run down his throat, warming his body from the strange icy feeling that had gripped him. Gradually he became more aware of his surroundings. First thing he noticed was that his other wrist was firmly held by Dixie's hand. "Hey!" He protested, pulling it back.

Dixie released it with a satisfied nod. "Your pulse is returning to normal now. Your color is little better too." Johnny frowned at her and Mike laughed.

"Oh. I see how you do it. You don't give him a chance to protest anything."

Dixie grinned, "Nope. You just do it."

Mike chuckled and sipped his coffee. "Wonder if Roy knows that. I'll have to tell him . . .and Cap."

Johnny made a face at his shiftmate. "You picked a funny time to get chatty, Stoker."

Mike winked at Dixie and shrugged at Johnny. _She's right: he looks better now. When he first came out of that room, I thought for sure he was headed for the floor himself. _Unaware of their scrutiny, Johnny sighed heavily and ran his stained fingers through his hair. "God, Dix. Roy. How'm I gonna tell Roy and Jo?" He looked up at them, his eyes suddenly awash with unshed tears. "She was right there. Right on the other end of the cabinet from me. I . . .I was fixing supper and she was opening a can to feed the dog. I was just right there."

Dixie laid a hand on his arm, "John. It was an accident and accidents happen. You were there to help her when she needed and you got her in here."

Johnny shifted his shoulders and sighed again. "I suppose so."

She smiled, "I know so." She watched as he finished the coffee then said, "You're a mess Mr. Gage. I can't let you out in the halls looking like that, you'll terrify the patients." Surprise crossed his face as he looked first at her then down at himself. Dried blood decorated his face and once clean shirt and flaked from his hands. Dixie placed a scrub shirt in front of him and he nodded, rose wearily and walked slowly off toward the bathroom. Two sets of eyes followed him then Dixie's gaze shifted from watching the paramedic disappear into the restroom to the engineer. "He'll be fine, Mike, and she will too."

Mike nodded as he finished his coffee. "I see he's in good hands. I'd better call Becky and let her know what happened. She's probably wondering what's going on since I left over an hour ago to have Johnny and Jenny join us for dinner. Chris has been over at our house helping my oldest with his Webelo project." That lengthy speech completed, the engineer left to call his wife.

In the men's restroom, Johnny stripped off his shirt and placed it into the plastic bag Dixie had provided. He looked up and caught his reflection in the mirror. Splatters of red covered his face, arms, neck and hair. He turned the water on, lathered his hands well and once the water ran clear again, scrubbed his face, arms, neck and finally dunked his entire head under the water, letting the water soak through his hair until all trace of blood was gone. He dried himself with the towel she'd provided, toweled his hair and finger combed it into some semblance of order then pulled the scrub shirt on. His clean up complete, he gathered his stuff and left, heading back into the lounge. It was empty when he entered. He figured Dixie had gone back on duty, but wondered where Mike was. He refilled his coffee cup and took a seat again, scrubbing his face with his hands, ending by running them through his hair. There he still sat when the door opened admitting a crowd of people. He looked up seeing Dixie and Dr. Brackett with the other doctor approaching him. He stood quickly, his fear palpable. "Doc . . .Jenny . . ."

Dr. Brackett raised a hand and smiled then headed toward the coffee pot. Johnny relaxed. _He wouldn't be heading for coffee if he had bad news for me_. He filled two cups, handing one to the other doctor, offered one to Dix then looked questioningly at John who shook his head. Johnny held his breath as they joined him. "First off let me assure you she's going to be just fine, Johnny." Johnny's shoulders slumped and he exhaled. Dr. Brackett's lips twitched as he continued, "Johnny this is Dr. Ken Bentley. He's a vascular surgeon, specializing in hands. Ken, this is John Gage."

The two men shook hands, Dr. Bentley noticing as he did the paramedic had good hands, long fingers well kept and a firm but not crushing grip. "Mr. Gage. It's a pleasure to meet you. Kel's told me quite a bit about you and his other paramedics." Johnny flashed a faint version of his megawatt smile and replied, "It's Johnny, Doc."

Bentley returned the smile, instantly liking this young man then got immediately to business. "Now about the young lady. I understand you're not the father. Have you been in touch with the parents?"

Johnny paled slightly but his voice remained strong, "No. Not yet. They're up in the mountains in a cabin. I have a contact number." He reached into his hind pocket and pulled out his wallet, "but I have full permission for medical in their absence."

Dixie placed her hand on his, stopping his motions, "We know you do, Johnny. We know that Roy would have made sure of that. Don't worry about that yet." He nodded.

Dr. Bentley gave a curt nod. "Good. Well, this is what we found. She has fairly deep lacerations on three of her fingers, each needed stitched. There was some capillary damage but I don't think that will be a future problem Her thumb is another story. The laceration is nearly to the posterior, just under the nail bed. Fortunately it missed the bone and the tendons, cutting at an upward angle along the bone. She won't need surgery." He went on to describe the amount of stitches he'd placed as well as follow up care needed. "I have one question though, how did this happen?"

Johnny took a deep breath, "She was opening a cat food can on the electric can opener and it didn't quite remove the lid so near as I can figure she tried to pull it off." He demonstrated the upright lid with one hand then slid his fingers up the sides with his other hand. Each person winced in shared pain. "Ow." Bentley commented, "Yeap. That would do it. Well, good job. " He reached for the paramedic's hand again. Johnny shook his hand eagerly and profusely thanked him. Dr. Bentley chuckled, "she's a very lucky young lady to have such a devoted uncle. And it was a pleasure to finally meet one of the dynamic duo." He winked at Brackett then left.

Dr. Brackett suppressed a chuckle himself then sobered. "Ken's right. The cut missed the tendons by millimeters. She really is very lucky."

"Can she go now?" Johnny asked.

Brackett tilted his head, "Well, she lost quite a bit of blood and I put a mild pain reliever in the IV so I want her to finish at least the bag she's on. Dix? Get her some juice too. I'd say after that she'll be ready to go home and sleep in her own bed." Johnny smiled gratefully at his friends. Brackett slapped the young man on the shoulder and finished off his coffee before he too left.

"Johnny, here's your keys. Becky is on her way to get me. We'll keep Chris tonight as planned and bring him back tomorrow." Mike's voice startled Johnny and he faced the engineer. _When did he get back?_ He wondered. Soon he was alone again in the lounge, waiting, with just his thoughts echoing in his head.  
Very lucky young lady.

About the injury? Yes. About him? well. . .

Johnny shook his head, bringing himself back to the here and now. That was hours ago and he now stood again at the DeSoto sink. Funny. In his profession as a paramedic, he wasn't used to the clean up afterward. His job usually began with patient contact and ended at the emergency room door. With a sigh, he pulled the plug on the blood tinged water, watching it drain away with another shudder. _She's safe. She's in her bed. _He told himself again. He'd been there; he'd known what to do and had done it. So. Why couldn't he stop shaking? _They had to sew her thumb back on. 16 stitches, inside and out. Another 12 in her other fingers. _

Doggedly he mopped the floor, watching as the congealed blood broke up under the onslaught of his strokes. He emptied the bucket and as the final act, took the opened can with its treacherous lid, and dumped it in the garbage. With one last look around the now clean kitchen, he flipped the light switch off.

Johnny checked once more on his sleeping charge and then collapsed with a heavy sigh on the couch. He glanced at his watch. _3AM. If Roy and Jo left the minute they got the message, they could be here within the next two hours._ Of course, Johnny had no idea when the message would have reached them. The cabin they were staying in had no phone and the main lodge hadn't answered. Johnny had finally resorted to calling the Sheriff's department. The dispatcher had assured him that a deputy would be sent out immediately with the message. Johnny had made sure that it included the fact that Jenny was alright and knew that his partner would call Rampart for his own verification as soon as he had access to a phone. _The crisis is over guys_, he thought silently to his friends, _don't rush and for God's Sake drive carefully. My nerves can only handle so much at once. _He gave a ruefully smile as he glanced back at his hands.

Mousie, the DeSoto's Siamese mix cat jumped up onto the couch, looking at her third favorite human with large blue eyes. Eyes Johnny noticed were a lot like her human companion, Jenny. He couldn't help smiling as he thought about Jenny's decision on the cat's name.

"Her name is Mousie Tongue." The child had announced to the three adults the afternoon after Johnny had brought the requested Birthday gift over, JoAnne looked questioningly at her daughter, "Oh. That's nice, I guess."

Roy was more direct, "How did you come up with that??"

Jenny smiled, "Cause she's Chinese and I heard that name as the president of the Chinese on the news.

Johnny collapsed in laughter as his partner tried to explain to his daughter that the cat was Siamese, not Chinese and the Chairman of China's name was Mao Tse Tung.

Finally Johnny got enough breath to stutter out. "Forget it Roy. I think Mousie Tongue is a good name for a cat." Jenny squealed in delight and threw herself into her uncle's lap, driving the breath again from his body. Roy shrugged and turned to his wife whose eyes twinkle in merriment. "I think Johnny's right. It's her cat; she can name it whatever she wants." Johnny grinned up at his partner who just sighed and threw his hands in the air.

An insistent, 'meuuw' drew Johnny back as Mousie crawled into his lap, purring and bumping his hands with her head. He scratched her ears and she settled into his lap, her face turned upward, eyes squinted in delight, her purr unending. "Cat, we . . Jen . . ..it coulda been so much worse." He told the feline. "She almost lost her thumb tonight. I . .I just . . .I don't . . . " He stopped. The cat reached up and gently touched his face with a paw as if to say, _I know but it didn't happen. You did fine._ She continued to watch him, her purring louder as if by that she could comfort the man. With another sigh, he leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. Although he fought it, sleep quickly claimed the weary man.

Sunlight streaming in through the window and striking his face finally penetrated Johnny's eyelids. He slit them open, then turned his face fuller toward the sun, relishing its warmth. As his mind woke up, events of the past evening came back. He sighed, raising a hand to rub at his face. As he did, he noticed his other arm was pinned to his body. He glanced down right into a head full of blonde hair. Sometime while he slept, Jenny must have left her bed and found him. It was her body, curled tightly into his side, her arms around his waist he felt. He smiled and brushed the hair from her face. Blue eyes opened and sleepily blinked at him.

"Hey kiddle, how you doing?" he murmured. She screwed up her nose at the nickname and gave her usual protest. "Uncle Johnny! Kiddles are little dollys. I'm not a dolly!"

He chuckled and kissed the top of her head, "Says you, sweetheart. Now, let me up and I'll see about some breakfast for us." She nodded and pulled away from him. He stretched the cramps from his lean frame and stood. She hopped to her feet and stood beside him. "You hungry?" he asked.

She nodded, then held up her bandaged hand. "My heart moved into my hand, Uncle Johnny."

A stab of pain flashed through his heart as he took the offered appendage and gently kissed it. "I know it feels that way, but see? Your heart is still right here, in your chest." He took her other hand and placed it over her heart. She paused feeling the beating then nodded. "So why do I feel it in my owie?"

Johnny led her toward the bathroom as he replied, "That's sorta an echo of your heart. Sometimes when you get an owie it will do that. We call that throbbing." He gave her a gentle push toward the door. "Wash your face and hands and brush your teeth while I get us breakfast. Do scrambled eggs sound good.?"

She smiled up at him, "Uh Huh!" She replied enthusiastically, " 'specially the way you do 'em." He returned her smile then turned toward the kitchen. "Remember; don't get your hurt hand wet!" He cautioned as the door shut behind her.

Soon he had a skillet full of fluffy eggs covered in cheese and bacon bits ready to dish up. Jenny bounced over to him, holding a brush in her hand. "Brush me." She demanded. He bowed, "At once, your highness." She giggled as he moved her away from the food and the table then brushed her long hair. "Pony tail or braid?" He asked.

"Pony tail"

"Awright." He deftly pulled the hair up, and fastened it with the offered clip. That done he gave her a hug and sent her to her chair. She climbed up and watched as he spooned eggs onto her plate. She grabbed up a fork, then gave out a little cry, dropping it. Tears formed in her blue eyes as Johnny was instantly by her side. "It hurts." she whimpered as she turned her face into his chest.

He held her tight, his throat constricting. "God sweetheart, if I could take this onto myself I would." he groaned. His agonized voice, reverberating deep in his chest, caught the little girl's attention. She looked up, her eyes searching her beloved uncle's face. "Uncle Johnny?" came the hesitant voice, "Are you hurt too? You look like you hurt."

Johnny stifled a cross between a sob and a chuckle as he squeezed her tight. "I guess I am." He dried the tears on her face with his hand as he explained. "See, I love you very much and when someone loves someone as much as I love you, when the ones they love gets hurt, then the other person hurts too. If I could, I would take your hurt away from you, but I can't, so my heart hurts because of that. Understand?"

She nodded, and placed her uninjured hand on her uncle's face, her sky blue eyes glued to his tear filled brown ones. "But I don't want you to hurt, Uncle Johnny. It's bad enough my hand hurts."

Johnny laughed a strangled laugh as two tears escaped. He smiled at his young charge. "It's ok, Jen. Your hand will get better and I'll get better too. Now, how 'bout those eggs before they get cold."

She nodded and he showed her how to adjust holding her fork so it didn't press on her injured hand. After breakfast, he gave her some medicine for the pain and set her off to play quietly in her room. He knew she'd lost a fair amount of blood and knew mild activity and good food with plenty of fluids was the best right now.

After the dishes were done, he checked on her and found her fast asleep on top of her bed, barbies scattered all around her. Mousie looked up from where she curled around Jenny's head. She gave her little friend two quick swipes of her tongue on the ear then purred up at Johnny as if to say,_ go on, I got the kitten covered._ Johnny fondled the cat's head briefly as he removed several of the dolls so she wouldn't roll over on them, then covered her with a knitted throw. He stood for several long moments just watching her sleep.

Finally he turned from her room and headed back into the kitchen. He poured himself another cup of coffee and sank wearily into 'his' chair at the DeSoto table. His shaggy head dropped into his hands and he gave a heartfelt groan. He had no awareness of how long he sat that way, his thoughts bubbling and churning in his mind. A sudden noise in the living room jerked him back to the here and now. Expecting Chris returning from his overnight at the Stoker's he called out. "Chris? I'm in the kitchen." He rose, poured the now cold coffee into the sink and rinsed out the cup. A rough hand on his shoulder spun him around, causing him to stagger for balance. Wide brown eyes were met by angry blue ones. 'Where is she?" Roy growled, "Where's my daughter?"


	4. Chapter 4

Stunned by the anger in his partner's face, Johnny stammered, "Sh . . .she's h . .. here. In her room—asleep." He followed the anxious parents down the hallway and paused at the door as they checked over the sleeping girl. After several long moments complete with a vitals check and visual exam, Roy kissed the child gently on the forehead and rose. As he walked toward Johnny, the younger man unconsciously backed away. Roy brushed past him none too gently. Johnny watched him then glanced briefly back at JoAnne still seated on her daughter's bed. Their eyes met for several soul-encountering seconds then he dropped his head and with a great sigh, followed his partner.

Jo looked back down at the sleeping girl. Nothing looked any different from the day they'd left, except for the bandaged hand. Alarmed over her husband's actions and concerned over the extreme sorrow she'd seen in Johnny's eyes, she stood, gave her daughter a kiss, then went to find the men.

She found them in the living room; Roy stood a mere foot in front of Johnny, his posture threatening as he leaned toward the slighter man, his hands fisted by his side. Johnny had backed as far as the coffee table behind his knees would let him go; his body bent slightly backward, his hands up-- palms outward.

"Roy!" she hissed his name and instantly he settled, allowing Johnny to straighten before he fell. Roy turned to his wife, anger still on his face. "I was just asking him what happened." Jo crossed the room and sat on the couch, "Well, you can ask him without breaking him in half." She grumbled. Roy glared and Johnny shot her a weak half smile. She motioned to Roy who reluctantly joined her, but perched just on the arm of the couch, his eyes never leaving the other man. "Sit Johnny." She ordered. Johnny allowed himself to sit on the edge of the coffee table.

She glared again at her glowering husband then turned a friendly smile on their more than friend. "What happened, Johnny?"

Johnny looked at these two people who meant the world to him, two people who had taken him into their home, into their family, replacing that which he hadn't had in a long time and wondered if he'd now lost that. He dropped his gaze onto his hands resting on his knees. "Chris was at Stoker's' it was just Jen and me." He saw the nod out of his peripheral vision. He took a deep breath and went on. "There was this dog, a pup really. It had been hanging around here for the last two days. Jenny wanted to keep it and finally I said yes." He heard the deep sound coming from Roy's throat; saw Jo place a hand over her husband's still fisted one. Johnny plunged onward, "I figured you guys probably wouldn't want it, Roy said often enough at the station that one animal to trip over was enough and since I got the ranch I've got lots of room and its kinda lonely out there sometimes, especially at night and I'd been thinking about getting a dog cause it would be nice sometimes to come home to something even if it's an animal and a dog could go with me when I camp or ride or . . ."

"Get to the damn point, Gage! I don't give a damn about you; I want to know what you did to my daughter!" Roy's sharp voice broke through Johnny's rambling.

Johnny froze.

His head spun and he couldn't take a breath even though he desperately needed one. _Gage. He called me Gage. He hasn't called me Gage since we first met. Not seriously at least. Gage. Not Johnny. Not Junior. Not even John. I . . . I've lost them. The only family I have and I've lost them_.

"Stop it, Roy. Johnny, go on." Jo encouraged. Johnny couldn't. Roaring in his ears drowned out any other noises and his eyesight had narrowed to a mere tube. Suddenly a hand on his head shoved it forward between his knees and a gentle voice encouraged him, "Breathe Johnny. That's it: just relax. Take a deep breath, now another." He did as requested then looked up at his benefactor, grateful for the help but heart-sickened that it wasn't the one he'd come to rely on. With nearly overwhelming sorrow, he gave internal acknowledgement to his new status.

Jo listened to the words spewing from Johnny's mouth with faint fascination. _How can he say all that in one breath?_ She mused. Her husband's sudden harsh words caused her to jump and she watched as Johnny did the same. He looked at Roy, his eyes wide, the color draining from his face. His mouth moved as if trying to continue but nothing came out. Jo sat further forward, concerned as she noticed him sway. _He isn't breathing. He's gonna pass out! _ Johnny's eyes had taken on a glassy appearance as she jumped up. She noticed them beginning to roll back as she grabbed his head and shoved it between his knees, her other arm bracing his suddenly lax body against her own. "Breathe Johnny." She encouraged him and felt him take a breath at last. "That's it; just relax. Take a deep breath, now another." She felt him do as she asked, felt the firmness return to his posture and he raised his head. He looked up at her and gave a faint smile of gratitude.

"If you're done with your fainting spell, you wanna continue?" Roy heard the words leave his mouth and cringed inwardly as he saw Johnny flinch as if physically struck. He'd watched the reactions on Johnny's face previously and knew the inevitable outcome. Though his heart wanted to go to his friend, his mind refused to make his body move. He was angry and felt he had every justifiable right to be. To see Johnny suffer eased some of that feeling; although deep inside he was horrified at himself. _This is your partner,_ that side of him railed, _the man you've worked beside for nearly four years, the one the whole family has claimed as an unquestionable member, the one whose life you've saved and had your own saved by countless times, the one you depend on to help you in life threatening events and now here you are treating him worse then a stranger_.

_But,_ the other side argued, _you trusted him with your children and he blew it._ _Your daughter, your precious baby girl was laying in an emergency room last night and where was your so called partner?? _

"That's what I'm trying to find out." Roy growled. Both his wife and his partner looked at him. Again he growled, "What happened, Gage?"

Johnny gently pushed Jo away from him and took another deep breath. Jo crossed back over to her seat, glaring again at her husband who ignored her. Johnny started again but this time Jo noticed a change in him. Gone were the sorrowful looks and the pleading eyes. His voice was soft but firm and calm, his face devoid of any emotion. "I decided to keep the dog and told this to Jenny. She decided it was hungry and wanted to feed it. She tried to give it the hotdogs but I told her those were our supper. I suggested she give the pup one of Mousie's cans. I was at the stove fixing the hotdogs. I heard Jenny using the can opener then heard her cry out. She'd cut her hand on the lid. I grabbed her hand, wrapped it in a cloth and called dispatch. They told me nobody was available so I decided to take her in myself. As I got her packaged, Stoker came so I had him drive us to Rampart. Dr. Brackett and Dr. Bentley handled her care and after she was released I brought her home." He finished the tale and quietly watched them.

"She cut her hand on the lid and you just stood there!" Roy jumped back to his feet. Johnny also stood but made no other motion. Jo jumped between them.

"As soon as I was aware of the injury, I applied immediate measures." Came Johnny's clinical answer. Not satisfied with that unemotional response, Roy continued to goad his partner. "As soon as you were aware! Why? Where were you really? In watching TV? Outside? Sleeping?? Or maybe on the phone chatting up some date?"

He grabbed Johnny's shirt and roughly pulled him forward until they were chest to chest then he continually shook the slighter man. "Tell me what you were really doing while my daughter was bleeding to death!"

Jo pushed against her husband sharply, "Roy! Let him go! What's gotten into you! Let Johnny go!"

"Dad! Mom! What's going on?" Chris's confused voice echoed behind them just as Mike Stoker stepped forward and forced Roy to release a still unresisting Johnny.

"What the hell is going on here?" The normally quiet engineer exclaimed as he looked from one paramedic to the other.

"Gage is a menace." Roy motioned toward the stoic figure. "I left my supposed trusted partner in charge of my children so my wife and I can enjoy a little vacation only to have a Sheriff come up to me during breakfast and inform me that my little girl had been taken to the emergency room with severe injuries." He growled again at Johnny. "I never should have trusted them with him. He's a menace at work to himself and others and now he's proved a menace here, in my home."

Jo gasped, knowing Roy's words had to have hurt their friend but Johnny maintained his emotionless demeanor.

Mike glanced over at Johnny at these cutting words, surprised to see no reaction at all in the chiseled features. Instead, Johnny faced Jo and said, "Jo. Dr. Bentley wants you to call him and set up appointments. One in one week to check the progress, one in two weeks to remove the stitches". He handed her a card with the doctor's office number on it as he continued, "He also said you can change the bandages and don't let her get it wet. You'll need to watch for the usual signs of any problems, like extreme swelling, or signs of infection or . . . "

"_I_ know what to do." Roy interrupted him, "I taught _you_, remember?"

Johnny looked at Roy and gave a nod. In a quiet voice he said, "I think I should go now."

Roy instantly agreed, "Yes, I think so. The sooner the better." He followed Johnny as the younger man acquired his duffle, remaining between Johnny and his still shocked family until the other man exited the house. He closed the door firmly, nearly before Johnny's foot had cleared the doorstop. Jo finally shook herself back into action. She grabbed her son in a quick hug and told him, "Chris, take your stuff upstairs and wash up, it's nearly time for lunch." Chris started to protest but after a nervous glance at his still glowering father, scooted away. She then turned to Mike with a bright smile, "Thanks for taking care of Chris and for driving Jenny last night, Mike. Would you like to stay and join us for dinner?"

Roy turned to his shiftmate, suddenly all smiles, "Yeah, Thanks Mike! It's lucky you were here last night. I really appreciate what you did." He reached for and shook the still stunned man's hand. Mike regained his composure and answered, "It isn't me you should thank. Johnny is the one who did everything."

"He certainly did." Roy growled and Mike knew Roy's comment wasn't the complement _he'd_ meant. Roy picked up the abandoned luggage and told his wife. "Jo, I'm gonna get these upstairs before someone trips over them. We wouldn't want any more accidents." With that, he left. Jo sighed heavily.

Mike looked after the senior paramedic, an unreadable expression on his face. Then he turned back to Jo. "Jo, I'm sorry I need to go. I'll take you up on that offer of dinner another time."

She nodded and then grabbed his hand as she quietly said, "I meant it, Mike, and I do appreciate what you did last night. I want to hear the _whole_ story." He smiled knowingly at her and with a quick nod, left the DeSoto house.

As he had hoped, he caught up with Johnny's truck just at the main intersection. "Johnny! Wait up." From his position behind the steering wheel, Johnny looked out the passenger window at the engineer, then same neutral look on his face as he'd had in the DeSoto's living room. A pup with sad eyes looked at him from the back window.

Now presented with the paramedic, Mike hesitated then said, "It was an accident, Johnny, and he's just upset. Give him time to think about it and . .and." He paused, "It's just when your kids are hurt, you sometimes . . ."

Johnny gave a short nod, "I know. Believe me; I know more than you can guess." Then the light changed and Mike could only watch as Johnny roared off. With a heavy sigh, the engineer turned toward his own home, sending up a fervent prayer that things would work out.

A day later A shift began their scheduled duty. When Roy entered the lot he noticed Johnny's Land Rover already in its usual spot. He hesitated as conflicting emotions raced through him. Again he was divided, half of him chagrined at his actions toward his self acclaimed friend, and the other half still feeling justified. With a sigh, he exited his truck. He paused at the door to the locker room, seeing his partner in front of his locker. He waited until Johnny closed the locker door and exited toward the dorm before he entered the room. He quickly changed into his uniform then headed to the dayroom in search of coffee. Unlike usual, Jo hadn't made him breakfast or coffee this morning. Her disappointment in her husband's actions had left a distinct chilliness in the DeSoto household. Now he found himself perturbed and hungry. He poured a cup while acknowledging greetings from his captain and Marco Lopez. He grabbed a danish from the plate on the table and sat down.

"How was the vacation, pal?" Captain Stanley asked looking up from the paper at his senior paramedic. Roy swallowed the large bite of danish before he answered. "Real nice. The cabin was very comfortable and the scenery around it couldn't have been prettier." He took another bite as Johnny breezed into the room with a smile and a cheerful, "Good Morning all!" The others acknowledged him but Roy concentrated on his breakfast, starting in on his second danish. Johnny poured himself a cup of coffee then turned, leaning against the cabinet instead of sitting at the table.

Mike Stoker walked in from the engine bay where he'd been talking with C shifts engineer and refilled his cup. The reticent man rested his hand briefly on the paramedic's shoulder and their eyes met. Johnny gave a faint smile and nod to Mike's unspoken question and Mike moved to an empty chair near Cap. Cap looked up where his youngest crewmember stood, slightly puzzled as to why he was standing when he usually sat by his partner. A faint alarm went off inside his intuition and he asked, "So Johnny, Roy said he enjoyed his vacation." Johnny merely nodded and drank from his cup. Cap tried a smile, "Soooo, how did your vacation go?"

"It went." The younger paramedic answered.

Cap frowned but before he could say anymore Chet Kelly waltzed up, his mustache twitching and his eyes gleaming with mischief. "So. Gage. I heard you tried to kill one of DeSoto's kids while he was gone. They even had to be rushed to Rampart."

The temperature in the room dropped and everything froze. Johnny forced the swallow of coffee he'd just taken down his constricted throat, his eyes looking over his cup toward where Roy had stopped mid-bite.

Chet seemed oblivious of everybody's reactions as he focused in on his target. He moved closer. "What'd ya do, Gage huh? Nearly drown one of them in the tub? Trip and send one of them down the steps? No. Let me guess. You caught the kitchen on fire trying to cook." He chuckled at his own cleverness as he poured his cup. He turned and faced the taller man, then paused in the very act of inhaling to continue as he caught the frozen look on Johnny's face.

Johnny stared fixedly at his partner who sat at the table, the forgotten danish oozing out from his clenched fist, his face red with barely suppressed rage as he glared menacingly at his partner. Johnny dropped his head, slowly poured out his remaining coffee, rinsed his cup, placed it in the sink and straightened his body away from the cabinet. "I'll be at the squad doing the morning calibrations." His voice was soft but coming clearly as he walked from the room, his steps even but his back rigid. Chet watched him go, his mouth open then turned back to Roy.

"God Roy! What _did_ he do??"

"Chet!" Marco exclaimed.

"Kelly! Enough!" Cap barked but Stoker moved toward the little Irish man even as Roy muttered something about cleaning up and left toward the lockers. Stoker grasped Chet's arm and pushed him back into the cabinet--hard. "You just had to do it, didn't you." He snarled into Chet's startled face. "You heard some juicy bit of gossip somewhere and just had to try it out without any thought about what you were doing, didn't you!"

"No! I didn't . . .I . . .I" Chet stammered as Cap grabbed his engineer's arm. "Stoker! Let him go!" Mike did as commanded but continued glaring as he moved away. Cap looked around the room at his engine crew, "Now I want everyone to calm down." After several moments, he turned back to Chet. "Now Kelly, what do you know about all this?"

Chet thought about protesting his innocence then caught the daggers Mike still sent his way. _God, Stoker! Who knew you had it in you, man!_ He changed his mind and his shoulders slumped. "Mike's right. I subbed a half shift over at 36s yesterday and was talking to their paramedic. He'd said he was in Rampart the other night and saw Gage in the lounge. He heard Gage'd brought in a kid and since I knew he was watching DeSoto's kids while they were gone I just figured . . .I mean, he didn't say it was anything serious! I didn't think . . . " His voice trailed off.

Cap sighed then turned toward his engineer. Mike continued his evil looks as he filled in the story, telling his part in the night and ending with the disturbing scene he'd walked into the next day. "I don't know all that happened before I got there and I kinda figured it isn't my business to know. That's John's and Roy's business and I'd stay out of it unless asked, unlike some others."

Chet hung his head at that comment, feeling lower then a snakeskin's belly. Cap sighed again and rubbed his forehead as the beginnings of a headache pained him. "Alright. No more about this unless they want to talk. Now. Go line up. We have a shift to start."

The three men left, Chet making sure to keep Marco between him and Mike. Cap went to his office and reemerged with his clipboard. As he faced the lineup, he noticed his paramedics on the opposite ends of the line. "Alright, listen up. Memorial Day is coming up so headquarters is looking for volunteers for the parade. There will be a sign-up sheet on the billboard. Also a lot of schools will be ending this week and we all know what that means. C shift had a busy night so there's lots of hose to clean and hang. Marco you have kitchen duty today, Roy dorm and engine bay, Mike you and John hang and clean hose, Chet latrine and I want it to sparkle, clear?" He glared at the man who swallowed visibly and replied, "As crystal sir."

Cap nodded then completed it with, "Gage, DeSoto my office. Dismissed." No one missed the look Roy shot Johnny before he headed off or the way Johnny's head dropped and his shoulders slumped before he took a deep breath, raised his head back up and walked after his partner.

Marco turned to Mike, "He's really mad at Johnny, isn't he." Mike gave a single nod, his face stern. Marco shook his head and clucked his tongue, "Why? From what you said, I would think he would be grateful Johnny was there! It could have been so much worse if someone else was there. Someone who didn't have Johnny's training."

Mike shrugged, "So one would think. But somehow Roy seems to have it in his head it was all Johnny's fault."

Marco sighed, "It was an accident and accidents happen, especially to kids. Ay Carumba! I can't begin to count the number of times my nieces and nephews have been hurt, mostly with another adult right there." They watched the younger paramedic disappear into the Cap's office, the door closing firmly behind him. Marco looked back up at Mike, "Do you think they'll be able to work . . ." He left the remainder of his sentence unspoken. He knew both men were professionals above all else. Neither man would let personal differences jeopardize a patient. However, most of their efficiency as a team stemmed from their closeness on and off duty. _Can they continue to work together if they can't get past this? ¡Pobre Juanito! _Suddenly, inspiration hit the Hispanic man and he dashed off to make a phone call.

Chet had overheard the entire conversation between his shiftmates and discreetly followed but to his disappointment, Marco carried on the entire phone conversation in Spanish. He caught several times 'pobre Juanito' and 'comer' which he knew was "eat" but nothing else. In frustration, he left, heading for the latrines.

Marco watched him go with a slight smile then turned back to the phone. "Yes Momma I'm still here. Yes I'm worried too. You do? You will? Momma! No, I think that's great. No Momma, I won't ever say a word, you know that. Si Momma. Te quiero, Momma. Bye." Marco's eyes sparkled as he hung up the phone. _Now, hopefully the squad won't be tuned out for dinner._

Cap waited until Johnny entered the office and closed the door behind him. Roy already sat in the chair closest to the desk and Cap waved toward the other. "John, sit."

Johnny shook his head, "I'm fine right here." He replied but did move closer, away from the door. Cap watched Roy shift from the side of the chair near Johnny to the opposite side. He looked carefully at each man, catching and holding their gaze. He smiled inwardly when Roy first met his gaze with impudence then slowly dropped it. _Good, at least he has the decency to look guilty_. Johnny, however, met his gaze straight on, but there was no emotion in his normally expressive eyes. _Uh oh, I don't like this. I don't like this one bit._ He took a deep breath and began, "First off I want to reiterate that my door is always open if either of you need anything. That goes for on shift or off, got it?" He watched as they both nodded. He steepled his fingers and plunged ahead, "Now, I am aware of some troubles between you that happened a few days ago." He raised his hand when he saw Roy open his mouth to forestall any protest. "I don't know all the details and I don't need to know unless you wish to tell me. What I _do_ need is assurance that you both can work with each other and with the other men of this shift. Can you give me that?"

Roy glared at Johnny but Johnny kept his gaze on his boss, his head slightly tilted as he listened. Once Cap finished, Roy stated, "You've got no problems with me, Cap. I can work with anybody. I've proved that many times before. It's not me you need worry about. I've proved I can work with all sorts of partners." He let his protests die as Cap continued staring at Johnny. Finally Johnny nodded and softly replied, "I'm good."

"Well then," Cap rubbed his hands together, "Let's . . ."

"STATION 51 MVA Avalon Blvd and E. Lincoln Street. Avalon Blvd and E. Lincoln Street. Time out 8:52"


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks to those of you who sent reviews. It really is the fuel that keeps most of us writers going. Sorry I haven't updated as frequently as I wanted. Senior year in college started and I was a little overwhelmed. Now that I think I have my stride, I'll go back to updating at least twice a month. Also, this semester i'm taking my re-certs for EMT so that's extra stress. Cyber candies for any who can get close to the year I first certified. One clue, Johnny and Roy were doing their thing on TV.

Those of you who are Roy fans, hang in there.

Those of you who thought Roy was being cruel before, look out.

_Previously..._

_Cap waited until Johnny entered the office and closed the door behind him_

_Cap waited until Johnny entered the office and closed the door behind him. Roy already sat in the chair closest to the desk and Cap waved toward the other. "John, sit."_

_Johnny shook his head, "I'm fine right here." He replied but did move closer, away from the door. Cap watched Roy shift from the side of the chair near Johnny to the opposite side. He looked carefully at each man, catching and holding their gaze. He smiled inwardly when Roy first met his gaze with impudence then slowly dropped it. __Good, at least he has the decency to look guilty. Johnny, however, met his gaze straight on, but there was no emotion in his normally expressive eyes. __Uh oh, I don't like this. I don't like this one bit. He took a deep breath and began, "First off I want to reiterate that my door is always open if either of you need anything. That goes for on shift or off, got it?" He watched as they both nodded. He steepled his fingers and plunged ahead, "Now, I am aware of some troubles between you that happened a few days ago." He raised his hand when he saw Roy open his mouth to forestall any protest. "I don't know all the details and I don't need to know unless you wish to tell me. What I __do need is assurance that you both can work with each other and with the other men of this shift. Can you give me that?"_

_Roy glared at Johnny but Johnny kept his gaze on his boss, his head slightly tilted as he listened. Once Cap finished, Roy stated, "You've got no problems with me, Cap. I can work with anybody. I've proved that many times before. It's not me you need worry about. I've proved I can work with all sorts of partners." He let his protests die as Cap continued staring at Johnny. Finally Johnny nodded and softly replied, "I'm good."_

_"Well then," Cap rubbed his hands together, "Let's . . ."_

"STATION 51 MVA Avalon Blvd and E. Lincoln Street. Avalon Blvd and E. Lincoln Street. Time out 8:52"

Chapter Five

Cap grabbed up the mic even as he tore off the two sheets. "Station 51 KMG 365." He handed one slip to Roy and saw him hand it off to Johnny just like every other time as he climbed up beside Mike. Big Red followed the smaller squad out of the firehouse and down the street. From his high position, Mike could see Johnny's hands point as he guided Roy through traffic. It was achingly familiar yet poignantly depressing because somehow he knew that today, directions were the only conversation in that cab.

As they pulled up, they could see one vehicle had obviously run the light and broadsided the other. The car hit was no longer recognizable as far as make, model, or color. The other, a light truck, had the engine pushed into the cab.

Roy jumped out of the squad, and immediately trotted over toward Cap while Johnny began removing equipment.

"Cap, better see to those battery cables and wet down the area. Looks like a lot of fuel spilled. I'm gonna see if anyone survived in the car." He raised his voice, "Gage, check out the truck, then let me know what you have."

Startled by Roy taking immediate command, Cap merely nodded toward Chet and Marco who stood opened mouth. "Well, you heard him. Chet, take care of the cables, Marco, pull a reel line and wash down the area." His gaze then traveled over toward his youngest paramedic to see him, frozen, just a few feet away. With a sigh, Cap walked toward him just in time to see the man shake himself and grab up the equipment he'd piled at his feet.

"Here John, let me help you." He tried to sound cheerful as he grabbed half the gear out of the over-burdened paramedic's hands. Neither one said what they were thinking although Cap caught the hurt look in Johnny's eyes as he glanced once toward his partner's back before the mask of professionalism slid into place. Johnny placed the drug box and bio phone near the driver side door as he looked inside. Pinned beneath the repositioned front of the trunk was a teen, his eyes closed, blood trailing from his nose and mouth. He reached inward, his hand moving instantly for the boy's neck. "He's alive," he called back to his captain. "We need to get this engine off him, Cap."

Cap nodded in agreement, turning to give the order for the necessary equipment and startled as Roy suddenly appeared in front of him. He stepped hastily back as the older paramedic pushed his way up to the car, saying, "Both occupants in the car are beyond help, Cap. Call the meat wagon."

Cap gave a faint stunned nod at Roy's uncharacteristic attitude only to be more stunned as his senior paramedic then shoved away his junior paramedic, nearly knocking him to the ground in his hurry. "Move, Gage." He growled as he took a quick pulse and sized up the situation. "We need to get this engine moved, Cap. Get the jaws over here. Gage, get the mast suit, a c collar and a backboard and someone get on the horn to Rampart."

Numb, Johnny hurried off, not seeing the looks given him by the rest of the crew. In his head though his thoughts raced. _Roy pulled me off care. He's never done that before. We've always shared care before. I can't believe this! I know he's still upset over jen but this! Never has any argument we've had in the past been brought into own work! _Anger flared within him but he tempered it down, knowing the victim came first. By the time he returned with the requested equipment, Roy had the door open, an IV started, and was reaching out toward Johnny, an impatient look on his face. "Did you stop for coffee, Gage? This kid doesn't need you dawdling" He pulled the items from Johnny's hands and when Johnny moved to aid him, blocked any access to the victim with his body.

For the sake of room, Johnny pulled back, becoming a mere observer as Roy monitored the boy while the engine was moved, and loaded him in the ambulance with the aid of the attendants (who gave the dark haired paramedic puzzled glances while they lifted the victim and whisked him away.) Roy then stood and thrust the trauma box into Johnny's chest, his eyes blazing into his partner's as he growled. "Bring in the squad and don't take forever doing it." With that, he was gone.

Johnny stood silent and numb for several heartbeats, then shaking himself grasped the box firmer and turned. All of his shiftmates were gapping at him but he never met their eyes. He walked briskly to the squad, stored the box and with lights and siren on, followed the quickly disappearing ambulance. Shock still imprisoned the other members of the crew until some impatient motorist blasted a horn. Then Cap began ordering the clean up of the site and directed in both the approaching police car and tow trucks.

Later, as Chet helped Marco roll back up the hose, the Irishman commented, "Man! Did you see the way Roy treated Johnny? What's up with that?"

Marco shook his head sadly, his gaze meeting Mike's as the engineer moved to join them. Chet looked toward the engineer, "Did you see him? Did you _hear_ him? He treated Johnny like a boot, -- no, worse than a boot -- like an untrained nuisance! Roy's _never_ done that before, _never_! Not even to a trainee! And Johnny's no trainee, never was since both he and Roy started together. Both of them became certified on that same day when the bill passed! What the hell did we just see here?" Marco shook his head, "I don't know amigo, but I can tell you this; I didn't like it." Mike nodded in agreement as he climbed into the cab, "Neither did I, guys, neither did I."

Cap sighed heavily as he too climbed into the cab, Chet continuing to natter on as Mike put the big truck in gear. That headache that had started in the kitchen was now a full fledged rock breaker. He sighed as he rubbed his forehead, wondering what was happening to his crew and what he was going to do about it.

Back in the squad, the shock had worn off and Johnny was gripped by his famous temper. He could see Roy's attitude about Jenny's accident and could even forgive him for the obvious anger. But the patients always came first, no matter what difficulties they were having. That was the unwritten agreement that had bonded them as the best paramedic team for nearly four years. Enough silence, they had to talk, get this out, over and done so they could get on with what they had too.

He backed the truck in, slammed the door and walked angrily into the emergency room. He saw Roy standing in the customary place chatting pleasantly with Dixie, a cup of coffee in his hands. Dix looked up with a smile. "Hey Johnny."

"There you are." Roy said, "You did find your way to the hospital after all."

Dixie stifled a giggle and looked at Roy expectantly. When no story on Johnny getting lost or some other bit of fluff followed, she glanced at Johnny. And then did a double take.

Before her eyes, she saw the color rise in the dark haired man's cheeks as a muscle there twitched madly. Johnny Gage was angry and silent, a horrific combination.

Ignoring his partner's narrowed gaze, Roy grinned back at Dix and winked, "Oh yeah, I forgot. Gage is an Indian and we all know Indians never lose their way."

Bewildered and feeling left out of the joke, she gave a faint smile and looked again at the junior paramedic. Anger flashed in those chocolate brown eyes, replaced quickly by such hurt that Dixie nearly gasped. Then just as quickly, it was gone. Every bit of emotion eradicated from the chiseled features. "Squad's here." He said in a quiet voice then with a nod toward Dix he spun on his heel and left.

Uncomfortable with what had happened Dixie looked back toward Roy, expecting an explanation. Roy calmly continued sipping his coffee as if nothing unusual had occurred. Finally she blurted out. "Alright, what's going on?"

Roy blinked at her, "Going on?" he repeated.

Dixie pointed her pen in the direction Johnny had disappeared. "With you two. What was that all about?"

Roy nodded. "Oh. That." He finished his coffee.

Dixie sighed in exasperation. "Yes. That."

Roy shrugged nonchalantly, "Nothing really. Just call it a lesson in control, something of which Gage seems to have little of." He gave her another smile and left, walking down the hall with a relaxed jaunty air. Dr. Early came out of one of the treatment rooms as Roy strolled by. Grinning he approached Dix. "Well. Roy certainly is in a good mood."

Still looking after the figure of their friend Dixie made a face, "Roy might be, but somehow I don't think Johnny is." At Dr. Early's puzzled expression, she recounted the episode. He shook his head, frowning briefly. "Well. If that were anyone else other than our dynamic duo I'd be concerned, but, . . ." He spread his hands out and grinned, "This is Roy DeSoto and Johnny Gage we're talking about. Roy's probably just giving Johnny a hard time over one of his many zany actions. I'm sure we'll hear all about it later." Dixie turned her attention back to her files with a faint, "I suppose you're right." But somehow her intuition was telling her something more was involved.

Johnny sat stiffly in the passenger side as Roy slide into the vehicle. When Roy reached out a hand to flip over the engine, Johnny's hand stopped him. He looked up, meeting Johnny's eyes. "We need to talk." Johnny said.

Roy shook his head, "No we don't." He again tried to turn over the engine and this time Johnny let him. As they pulled forward, Johnny began, "Roy, what the hell just happened?"

Roy stared straight ahead, "About what."

Johnny sighed, "About what?!" His voice raised several octaves as his hands flew into the air. "About the accident scene! Taking over care from me! Roy, I am perfectly capable of handling any situation you are. There was no reason for you to relieve me. I'm a fully trained paramedic, just like you."

Roy suddenly pulled the squad over and rounded on his partner. The anger in his blue eyes made Johnny pull instinctively away as Roy ground out. "You are _nothing – like- me._ You are a menace, Gage. You don't pay attention to your surroundings and people who don't pay attention to their surroundings get themselves or others killed. You proved that when you didn't see that snake, you and Tim Duntley both proved it when you stopped to play with that monkey. Duntley died because of that. You got lucky that time. I don't intend to depend on luck for your next inattention to your surroundings and I sure as hell don't intend for any victim to suffer because of it either."

Johnny looked at his partner, his _friend_, seeing the truth of his convictions in his angry eyes, his flaring nostrils, and the determined jut of his jaw. Slowly, the younger man swallowed hard and as he did he felt something cry out deep in his heart. No trace of the mental agony he felt showed in his calm voice as he suggested, "If you feel that way, then maybe we shouldn't be partners any more."

Roy nodded, "Probably not. But the way I see it if I stick with you when the inevitable happens maybe I can save innocents from the backlash." He continued to glare at the silent still figure beside him, oblivious to the keening of the crushed soul hidden deep within his once friend. After several more silent moments, Roy turned on the turn signals and headed back out into traffic. Mortally wounded, Johnny remained silent. Roy glanced at him and gave a faint shrug, "What's more, I figure I owe that to the citizens of LA. After all, I _was_ the one who recruited you. In a way, I believe that makes me responsible."

The wound through Johnny's soul widened and deepened.

Roy gave a faint chuckle as he pulled into the street before the station house and began backing up. "Besides, I promised Cap I could work with anybody, even you."

The light in Johnny's eyes died. It was over; his former life was slain. Now, all he could do was exist. He needed the job to keep body and soul together, even if the soul within that body was dead. As he had once before, Johnny pulled everything that made him who he was back and quietly buried it deep within. And no one yet knew that the figure that stepped out of the squad and walked calmly into the station wasn't alive anymore.

The remainder of the day passed in much the same manner with the squad called out on a few simple runs and the engine called out for one car fire. Johnny stayed out of the others way, his face stoic and his eyes emotionless whenever anyone tried to speak to him. Not knowing what else to do they gave up, leaving him alone. That is, all except Mike Stoker. Mike cornered the paramedic in the locker room as he cleaned a pair of shoes and sat down before him. He waited patiently, as silent as the younger man until finally, with a tired sounding sigh, Johnny raised his gaze to meet the engineer's. Mike just smiled at him, nodded, and gave him a firm pat on his back then rose and walked away. Johnny watched him leave, quick flashes of emotions racing across his face, then he settled it back into the mask he'd worn since their return from the accident and resumed polishing his shoes.

Unlike his younger partner, Roy acted as if nothing had changed, teasing his shiftmates, and seeming bewildered by their confused reactions to him. As the evening hours began, the men's thoughts turned away from the puzzling actions of the paramedics and toward their empty stomachs. "Hey, Marco," Chet called as he stuck his head into first the oven then the fridge. "I thought you had chow duty."

"I do, "Marco replied, not looking up from the Spanish paper he was reading. Chet came over to stand by his shoulder, hands on hips. From his peripheral vision Marco noticed he was joined by the other members of the crew. Even Johnny had wondered in from his self imposed isolation.

"So?" Chet asked.

"So what," Marco baited, a slight smile on his lips.

Chet waved his arms excitedly, "So where's supper? There's nothing in the oven or the fridge and you certainly aren't making something right now . . ."

Marco turned the page, nodding, "You are very correct, mi amigo."

Cap carefully cleared his throat, "Marco, it is supper time and we all are a mite hungry. You do intend for us to eat something, don't you?"

Marco put down his paper and nodded to his captain. "Si Cap, I do."

Cap spread his hands as he looked at his men, "So, when can we expect to eat?"

Just then the buzzer to the front door sounded and Marco stood, grinning, "Right now."

All five men followed him as he walked to the door.

"Aw, Marco, don't tell me you ordered out. The last place we tried was lousy." Chet groused.

"Well," Marco said as he opened the door, "You don't have to eat any then." Immediately a short stocky Hispanic woman bustled through the door, her arms laden with boxes. She stopped to give Marco a peck on the cheek. Cap's eyes widened, "Mrs. Lopez!" He quickly recovered from his shock and took the boxes from her. "Well, don't just stand there, help her out!" Instantly they scrambled to help.

As Johnny made to step past her, she caught his arm. "No mi hijo, you come here." She led him over to the sofa and sat, drawing him down beside her. She placed a gentle hand on either side of his face and looked deeply into his eyes. At first, he only looked back with the same stoic expression he'd worn all day but gradually his lips turned downward and she saw him blink rapidly as his breathing increased. Quickly she drew him closer to her ample bosom, clutching his head to her shoulder as she whispered in his ear. Chet moved closer in curiosity but her fierce glare sent him scuttling away. After a few heartbeats, she let Johnny pull back from her. She twyned her arm in his and patted his hand. "Come, Juanito, you must eat." She told him.

The others had already set the table and opened the boxes revealing the objects of the mouth watering aromas. "Here Momma," Marco pulled out a chair for his mother. She sat in the offered seat but didn't release Johnny, forcing Chet, who had been going to sit beside her to move to another chair. Once grace was said, she looked around at the expectant faces and smiled, "Well?" she asked, "Aren't you hungry?"

Thus released, hands moved quickly to fill plates. Adelina Lopez herself filled Johnny's plate and sat it before him. He looked up at her and gave a faint smile. She nodded and he began to eat, but without his usual enthusiasm.

The conversation around the table was sparse at first as mouths were more interested in filling stomachs. Then as less food was needed, talk began. From her place between her blood son and her heart son, she noticed Johnny didn't say a word. Even when Chet made a few snide comments in his direction, he either smiled or shook his head, depending on the expected reaction. Pretty soon, he was ignored as the others ate and teased.

When the meal was over, Chet looked over at Johnny with a mischievous grin. "You've got KP, remember Gage?"

Johnny nodded, stood and began clearing the table without a word. Chet frowned, momentarily confused by his pigeon's lack of retaliation. Marco frowned at Chet and grumbled, "Chet! No he doesn't. You know full well I was assigned Kitchen duty." He moved to take the dishes from Johnny's hands but the other man shook his head. "I'll do it." he told him quietly. "You visit with your momma." With that, he quickly finished clearing the table and began washing while the others conversed over coffee and baked goodies. After a while, Cap excused himself to do paperwork in his office. Then Mike headed off somewhere. Roy said he had call slips to do and Chet quickly left before someone found something for him to do. Only Marco and his mother remained at the table, talking quietly in Spanish and stealing looks toward the silent figure at the sink. Marco told his mother all that had happened that day, including Johnny's behavior once the squad had returned. "I don't know what if anything was said between them later momma but somehow I get a feeling there was. And I get an even worse feeling that what ever it was, wasn't good." Marco glanced back toward the office where he knew Roy was. "Roy. Well, Roy acts like nothing at all ever happened but Johnny is changed. Somehow, some way, he's changed." Adelina Lopez merely nodded her head in agreement.

Once the dishes where done, Johnny appeared at Mrs. Lopez's elbow. "Mrs Lopez if you give me the keys, I'll put these into your car." She frowned at him, one hand on her hip, "What did you call me John Roderick Gage?"

Her tone alerted Mike in the bay and Chet who was never far from eavesdropping. Both men moved toward the kitchen.

To their surprise, however, a slight smile stretched Johnny's lips as he ducked his head and corrected himself, "I'm sorry. May I have your keys Momma?"

She smiled and reached up to give his cheek a quick kiss. "Good boy. You remembered." She handed him her keys.

As Adelina Lopez watched Johnny carry the empty and cleaned plates back out to her car, she sighed heavily. Marco came over to her and wrapped an arm around her, kissing her temple. "That is one sad man, mi hijo." She told her son in Spanish. Marco nodded as he too stared after his shift mate. Momma tightened her grip around his waist. "You watch him, Marco, you watch him well."

Marco nodded, "I will Momma. You can count on it."

She nodded then patted his cheek, "I know you will; you are a good boy and a good friend." She looked back to where Johnny had finished the task and closed the car door. She shook her head, "I haven't seen that mask on his face since he first came to LA and I don't like this."

Marco found himself echoing Mike's words from the accident scene, "Neither do I, Momma, neither do I."


	6. Chapter 6

I hope people are still reading this. I haven't had any takers on guessing. Here are a few notes that will help with this story.

Dakohta Words  
Aho- a greeting  
Koda- friend  
Hau-hello, hi  
Waste tasunka- good horse  
Tate- wind  
Tezi-stomach  
Wakan Tanka-great Spirit  
Unshimalam ye oyate- Have mercy on me

tanagila-hummingbird

Marco and his mothers comments refer to another one of my stories (Child  
of My Heart) still in progress.--Gwendolyn

Chapter 6

The remainder of the evening passed as slowly as the afternoon had. The squad had no calls out and the two paramedics stayed as far apart from each other as the space in the building would allow. When Cap finally suggested lights out, the tired men found Johnny already in his bunk, apparently asleep. Each of the engine crew muttered their good nights, each hoping that somehow sleep would cure whatever had happened between the paramedics.

Johnny laid in his bunk, eyes closed, left arm up over his face, listening to the sounds of his shiftmates being pulled snuggly into Morpheus's arms and dearly wishing he could join them. Unfortunately, his brain insisted on replaying the horrific scene in the squad over and over again.

Each time, the words spoken by the man he'd called his best friend hurt just as badly as they had the first time. The pain radiating through his soul caused tears to spring to his eyes but he refused to release them. _This is what happens when you care too much,_ he angrily told himself, _See? You knew better! If you let others see too much of yourself it only allows them to hurt you more_.

He sighed heavily, yes, he did know better and he would learn from this mistake as he had learned from others. What came easily for others, what others seemed to have was not meant for the likes of him. He'd just forgotten that hard learned lesson for awhile. Or perhaps, and buried deeply within his sub consciousness this was likely, he wanted that sense of finally belonging so badly he'd merely convinced himself it had happened. Silently he strengthened his will and his resolve. He would survive because above all else, he was a survivor. With his thoughts on this, an uneasy sleep finally claimed him.

The morning tones brought the six men groggily to their feet, thankful that they'd had no runs and their strained shift was almost over. It wasn't long before members of B shift drifted in, replacing their A shift counterparts. As luck would have it, Johnny found himself in the locker room changing into his street clothes at the same time as Marco. He gave a faint nod when the other man walked in but turned his attention quickly back on his task at hand. The heavy weight of a hand on his shoulder startled him and he whirled around, eyes wide, stance protective, his heart racing.

Marco chuckled and backed off slightly, "Ease Johnny. It's just me. I forgot how easily you can startle. I'm sorry; I'll make more noise next time."

Johnny gave a slight grin that Marco noticed never reached his eyes. "Not a problem." He turned back to his locker, missing the frown and serious look crossing the Hispanic's face.

"Johnny, about yesterday. . ."

Johnny's breath froze in his throat but he didn't allow any other visible reaction. He could hear Marco fidgeting but continued digging in the recesses of his locker as if it was the most important thing to do. Finally Marco's voice came again, but lower. "Johnny. Give Roy time. You two are best friends; we all know that. Just go home, relax, and let time pass."

Johnny took a deep breath and swallowed. When he spoke, he made sure he kept his voice even and low. "Yeah. Sure."

Marco sighed. He knew Johnny was hurting; he knew the man well enough to image what was going on in his head and he was sure it wasn't pleasant. But he had to try, for Johnny's sake and for the promise he'd made his mother.

Johnny pulled his filled bag out of the locker and froze as the weight of an arm dropped onto him.

Marco draped an arm around Johnny's shoulder. In Spanish he told him. "Don't let this do that to you, Juanito. Don't close down and cut everyone out again." He could feel Johnny's quick breaths under his arm even though the younger man never moved and his gaze stayed down. Marco sighed, trying to find the words he hoped would get through to his youngest shiftmate. "Juanito, just promise me you will remember this. You are my brother. You ate from the same table as I; you slept in the same room as I for nearly a year. Now as grown men we both do so again. As a firefighter now and from before, we are a family. Never think differently, you _are_ family." He dropped his arm and finished stuffing his clothes into his duffle. "Besides," he continued as he tossed the straps over his shoulder, "You want to tell Momma you think differently?"

Johnny finally faced him and gave a short laugh, "No. I learned that lesson well enough years ago."

Marco slapped his shoulder, "Smart man." Both men walked out of the locker room together and onto the back lot where the cars were parked. Before he could walk toward his waiting Rover, Johnny felt that hand on his shoulder again. He turned and his emotionless brown eyes met the concerned ebony eyes of his brother. "Remember John, family." Johnny gave a slow nod and Marco grinned. With a wave of his hand, he climbed into his car and left.

Johnny watched him go, a slight smile on his face. Then his eyes caught sight of the truck parked next to his Rover and all the days' pricks and jabs flooded back at him. His head dropped and, suddenly weary to the bone, he climbed into his car. "Well, we have 24 hours off. A lot can happen in 24 hours. Maybe next shift will be better." He started his car and drove off.

By the time Johnny pulled in front of his barn, he'd shoved his emotions deeply aside. He climbed out of his car and headed for the barn. He had chores to do and he welcomed the brainless activity that would be. As he entered the barn, he paused, taking a deep breath. God how he loved the smells here. The scent of horses mixed with feed and the sweet smell of fresh hay was a balm to Johnny's soul. A squabbling at his knees caught his attention and he looked down at his husky pup at one knee while his calico barn cat twyned around his ankles. The puppy gazed up at him with its one brown eye and one blue eye as he stood on his hind feet, his front feet on Johnny's knee. Johnny smiled as he rubbed the ears, "Hello Tezi, (teay see) ya miss me pal?"

The puppy gave a sharp bark and wagged its tail. Then it pulled back, dropped its front feet down with its butt still in the air, tail wagging furiously and yapped again. Johnny laughed at the puppy's playful antics. "I'll play later, fella. Right now I need to see about Tate (Tah teay)." Before he could move, the cat –who had hissed at the dog then jumped upon some stacked hay bales behind Johnny, leaped forward onto his shoulder. She leaned her body against his head, rubbing her face down his cheek as her tail wrapped around and tickled his opposite ear. He chuckled, "All right PQ. I see you." He reached up, scratching the velvet black and orange ears and was answered by a low rumbling purr. The cat then looked down and growled at the puppy who was again dancing at Johnny's feet. She moved her head until her green eyes could stare accusingly into Johnny's. He shrugged one shoulder. "I know. But he had nowhere else to go." She looked back down at the puppy, eyes narrowed and spat. Johnny laughed. He reached up and detached her from his shoulders, placing her again on the hay and rubbing her head in apology for moving her from her favored perch. "Yeah, I'm sure he's a nuisance right now, but I have full confidence in your ability to teach him."

A sharp whinny followed by blowing let him know that others were waiting for his attention and he moved further into the barn. He reached out a hand to the American Paint gelding in the stall. The pony pushed his nose into Johnny's hand blowing breath across it then lipping it. Johnny moved closer, resting his head against the pony's neck as it nuzzled him. "Aho, Koda, Aho. (ah ho, koe dah, ah ho) " he murmured as he stroked the soft muzzle. "Hau, Tate. Waste tasunka. (Houw, Tah teay. Wash tay tah shun kah)" He addressed the horse in his native tongue. His grandfather had taught him long ago that the spirit of the mighty horse didn't like the harsh sound of English. As such, he'd always greeted his horses first in Dakhota. He closed his eyes and leaned onto the animal, feeling Tate shift slightly to willingly take his weight as he mouthed Johnny's hair, his hay scented breath tickling Johnny's neck. Johnny could feel PQ leaning against one leg while Tezi sat on his feet. As it always did when he was with his animals, peace finally filled him, healing some of the open wounds in his soul.

A sharp noise broke the pleasant respite and Johnny straightened his body, his eyes searching out the cause of the intrusion. The figure of his neighbor's teenage daughter appeared by the tack room door then stopped. "Oh, Mr. Gage. I didn't hear your car."

Johnny grabbed up a brush and began grooming Tate's side. "That's alright, Lisa. I didn't realize you were home yet. How's college life?"

The sturdily built brunette tossed the 50 lb bag of feed she'd fetched from the storage shed in the back into the empty bin. "I got home yesterday. College is alright. Boy, there sure is a lot to study to be a vet." As she talked she whipped out a lock blade, opened it, slit the bag then upended it, empting the feed into the bin. She did this in a series of smoothly practiced motions.

Johnny nodded toward the bag. "Anymore back there?"

She nodded, "Two still. You won't need more at least to the end of the month."

Johnny nodded as he allowed himself to be soothed by the gentle brushing of his horse. Tate didn't mind it either. Lisa wiped her brow and smiled at him. "See you found a new friend." She motioned toward the puppy who was again sitting on Johnny's feet. Johnny looked down, "Yeah, I guess you could say he followed me home."

She snorted and Johnny gave her a sheepish grin and a faint shrug of his shoulders as she added. "Yeah, I know how strays 'just follow you home.'"

He paused looking closer at her as she grabbed up another brush and applied it to Tate's other side. "Looks like you've got some nasty scratches there on your arm."

She glanced at her arm where several long gouges still seeped. "Yeah, I was petting PQ and one of her other personalities took over. She nailed me good." Johnny gave a faint chuckle. He'd told the girl before that the reason the cat was named PQ was because she was a calico. "My mother once told me long ago that a calico cat might look like a pretty patchwork quilt but really it's just a warning coat—like a snake's rattle. The amount of colors on a calico are the number of personalities. That's why her name is Patchworked Quirk. PQ for short."

"Well," Johnny said as he finished his side of Tate, "Let me turn Tate out then come into the house and I'll fix you up."

"It's nothing, I'll just wash it up at home. I've had worse . . . oh, alright Mr.Gage." She sighed as he just looked at her, one eyebrow angled upward. He turned Tate out and watched him for a moment race across the field before walking toward his house, Tezi and Lisa right behind him. "and what's with this Mr. Gage crap?" He teased, "You go away for a few moments and suddenly I'm as old as my father to you?"

She laughed as she sat at the kitchen table, watching him as he filled a small bowl with water, grabbed a towel, and pulled out a first aid kit. "Sorry. Johnny. I just got into the habit of calling everyone older than me Mr or Mrs. In college the teachers require it."

Johnny set the gathered items down and gave him a mocked hurt look. "So, now I'm sooooo much older than you." She laughed as the paramedic pulled a chair closer to her and began irrigating the wounds. She had been a little nervous over how to act around him this time. After her first year away, she'd suddenly realized the differences in their ages. She'd known Johnny well for the last three years, since he'd bought his ranch near her parent's place, and as a grown up playmate before that.

Her father, Buddy 'Bud' Spencer, had been the engineer of the fire engine Johnny had started on as a lineman. She knew the stories well, was told them often when younger by both Johnny and her parents. How the department had started 'diversifying' in its recruiting and some objected to that. How her father had taken a liking to the skinny Indian kid on 'his' rig and out of a mixed combination of bullying and respect saved the boot from anything more than the usual boot hassling. Johnny never forgot.

He'd lost track of his friend after a badly broken leg forced Bud into retirement. The family and Johnny had exchanged the occasional Christmas card but never saw each other. Then Johnny had bought the ranch and discovered his old shiftmate was now his neighbor and 'little Lisa' and 'Baby Junie" were now young teenagers. Aware of a firefighter's work schedule, a deal was struck between the two. Johnny would provide room in his barn for the horse the parents wanted to buy for their girls and in exchange, they would care for the animals on the days he worked or when he was laid up with injuries.

Johnny patted the cleaned wounds dry with the towel and sprayed on an antibiotic. "How's your parents?" he asked.

"Good. Mom's fussing still at Dad about watching his weight and Dad just keeps telling her it's her fault for cooking so well. Mom also said to remind you we'll be gone for three weeks after Memorial Day. You don't need to do anything at the house, 'cause George, her cousin is house-sitting but you know how he is with animals."

Johnny laughed, "In other words, everything's the same." And he did know how George was, having had been frantically called out to the barn when the man had followed the girls over once and had a full blown panic attack over the 'horrible man-eating creatures' within.

Lisa grinned. "Yeap. By the way. Mom sent over some of that applecrisp stuff you like so much." She made a face to show her dislike of the dessert. "I put it in the fridge." Johnny finished his administrations and stood. "Tell her I said thanks." Lisa also stood and made her way to the door. "I'll be back tomorrow to put the horses away and take out the puppy." She paused, "By the way, I know Tate is Indian for wind. I assume Tezi is another Indian word?"

Johnny dumped out the bowl and put away the supplies as he nodded. "Yeap, it means stomach." He watched her as her eyes grew big then she burst out in laughter. "You named your dog 'stomach'!! That's rich coming from you!"

He faked a frown, "hey! I'll have you know I resemble that remark!" She shook her head laughing as she headed out the door.

Johnny watched her go up the road and felt the lightened mood inside him disappear with her. He dropped his head and sighed. He was bone weary but knew if he gave in and slept now, he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. So he set his shoulders and began his house chores. After all the cabinets had been cleaned, the floors done and his dirty laundry all washed and put away, he allowed himself a break. After a quick late lunch and more chores, darkness was falling. He put the horses away, finished their nighttime routine and slowly headed back into the house, desperately thinking of something else he could do.

As he moved the mail from the table near his couch, he noticed the dust. 'Dusting. I can dust.' He grabbed a rag and began. However, he didn't make it very far before he was pulled up short by the display on his mantel. His one picture of his parents on their wedding day stopped him. He pushed the feelings down and tried to move on but the mantel was filled with other memorabilia-- and pictures of the DeSotos.

School pictures, pictures of all five of them on outings, pictures of Roy and him working on their old fire engine. Each served to remind him of what was no more. He dropped his head onto the hand resting on the mantel. "Wakan Tanka, Unshimalam ye oyate – (wah kahn than kah Oon shee mah lahm ye oh yah tay)" His prayer seemed to echo not just from his mouth, but from the very depths of his soul. His hand brushed something and it fell onto his hand. He looked up and noticed it was the carved hummingbird his grandfather had made and given him.

He could still hear his grandmother's words. "Tanagila - (Tah nah gee lah). , You are like the hummingbirds in the garden, Johnny. Always flitting from here to there and so fast! I read once that they must eat great amounts of food just to keep up the energy to move their wings. If they stop, they will die." She would smile at him as she filled his plate. His grandfather had pretended to be gruff and scowled at him, but his next birthday, this piece was sitting at his place on the table. It was one of the few items that had survived from . . . before.

His eyes were being drawn back to the pictures. How big was the smile on Jenny's face as he leaned over her shoulder, helping her blow out the candles on her last birthday. He could almost feel how tightly Chris had hugged him after he'd helped him pull in that trout on their last fishing trip. There was the one where Marco had caught him throwing JoAnne into the ocean. She had pretended to be so angry with him until he let her dunk him. And Roy.

Everything he'd been through the last 72 hours rushed up on him causing him physical pain which he groaned with. With a shaking hand, he reached out and slowly turned each of those haunting pictures face down. The mantel held the story of his life and there was no getting away from it. For the most part, the last eight years of his life had been happy. Oh sure, he'd had some rough times during his academy days, all boots did. Then he'd had some trouble overcoming the prejudices of some of his co-workers his first year as a boot lineman but all in all the three years he was a rescue man and definitely the last three years he'd been a paramedic at 51s were times in which he'd laughed easily and smiled even quicker.

For that he'd always be grateful. However, he now realized having a taste of it only made him greedy for more and only made it hurt worse now that he was sure it was taken from him. But he'd live through it; he always did. As long as he kept telling himself this, he'd eventually be fine.

A glance at the clock showed it was still early evening but Johnny was now exhausted. He drug himself to his room, then decided he needed a hot shower first. Perhaps it would relieve the strange ache in his chest and the tightness of his shoulders.

Johnny stepped into the hot water, closing his eyes as he leaned against the wall. The water raced over his tired muscles, easing the tension in his shoulders but not in his chest. Suddenly a strangled sob pushed its way up from his aching chest and out his mouth. Another closely followed it but Johnny clamped down his jaw, refusing to allow any more to escape. Eyes still closed, he turned his face into the water, letting the stinging fluid beat on him so that even he couldn't tell what might have been tears and what was just the shower.

As the water turned colder, he finally moved, shutting the water off and toweling his body dry. Once back in his room, he checked to make sure his alarm was set, pulled on a pair of briefs and crawled into bed. He put his arm over his face and closed his eyes. To his relief, sleep claimed him quickly but was anything but restful. All night long he battled past and present fears. When the alarm finally penetrated yet another sequence, he pulled wearily himself from the bed with a sigh.

He looked at the sun sending rosy first rising glows through the window. He dressed and saw to the animals. He locked Tezi up, much to the puppy's remorse, changed his clothes and climbed into his car. As he drove, he allowed his mind to wander. Maybe Marco was right. Maybe all Roy needed was time. Well, Johnny could do that. He'd give Roy as much as he needed. Johnny refused to even allow himself to hope that things would return to the way they once were, but he could take even scrapes of what used to be. That decision made, he pulled into the station and his normal spot, noticing that other than Cap, no one else was in yet.


	7. Chapter 7

For disclaimers see Chapter One.

Thanks so much for the e-mails. These might be slow for awhile,

school has gotten really heavy but the boys just keep demanding to have their story told!

And the angst continues...

Johnny walked into the kitchen and with a smile plastered on his face greeted C shift with, "Gooood morning!"

"Morning Johnny."

"Hey Gage."

"Hi John." Came the various replies. He looked around, noticing the missing paramedics. He went to the stove and poured

himself a cup ofcoffee as he asked, "Busy night?"

"Naw," replied Steve Ingles, the engineer, "We had a house fire about midnight but it wasn't bad." He motioned toward the

bay with a grin. "On the other hand, they haven't been back hardly long enough to turn off the squad between runs." The

other two crew members snickered.

John only gave a grunt in reply. The squad pulled in and he wandered out to greet the weary paramedics. "Heard you had

some night." he said as he opened the driver's side. Thomas Dwyer looked up and blinked tiredly at his fellow paramedic. "Hey

Johnny. Yeah. Mostly nuisance calls. Couple serious, one asthma, one cardiac- he was gone before we got there though."

Johnny nodded knowingly. Dwyer's partner, Tom Wheeler, came around the back and joined them as they walked toward the

kitchen. Johnny looked at him, "Hey Tom. You finally get tired of the life near water and joined us?"

Tom shook his finger at Johnny as he took the cup of coffee Dwyer handed him. "Nice try Gage but no. I like the nice nitch I

havecarved out there at 110's. Besides, I have Mueller trained just the way I want him. This yahoo," he kicked at Dwyer's

feet, "actually expects me to work!"

Dwyer made a gesture to his partner for the shift and Johnny snorted. Dwyer slapped Johnny on the back as he asked, "Hey

John, you haven't forgotten about Monday have you?"

Johnny screwed up his face and tapped a long finger against his chin. "Monday, Monday, Hmmmm. I need to get more feed for

my horse Monday."

Dwyer feinted a swing toward Johnny. "Alright wise ass."

Johnny grinned at Dwyer, "Sure we're on. Do I meet you here?"

Dwyer nodded, "Yeah, headquarters will tell us our station that morning. I hope this year's parade goes off better than last

year's. There was almost a riot between the vets and those hippies, remember?" Tom nodded, "Boy do I. I worked an extra

shift with 36's that one. We got egged and the squad had its tires slashed."

Johnny listened to the two reminisce as he silently sipped his coffee, once more quiet and withdrawn. He'd done his part, he'd

teased and made small talk. The sound of more cars arriving in the parking lot announced the rest of A shift and C shift drifted

towards the lockers. Cap came out of the office with C shift's Captain Bob Seigars where they'd been going over shift change

items. He looked up, seeing his youngest shift member already dressed and in the kitchen sipping coffee and grinned. "John,

when you get a minute."

Johnny nodded toward his captain. Dwyer slapped him on the back,saying, "See ya later. Have a good one."

"Yeah. Careful out there. Kids are out now." Tom added then yawned widely, "I hear my bed calling. Bye"

Johnny acknowledged the two paramedics and walked over to his captain. "You wanted me, Cap?" He asked.

Captain Stanley looked his paramedic over carefully while keeping hishead down as if he still read the clipboard in his hands.

Dark circles rimmed Johnny's eyes and he shifted aimlessly from one foot to the other but without the bounce of excess

energy he'd always had before. His shoulders were slumped and his eyes . . . Cap gave a deep internal sigh, his younger

paramedic's eyes were dead, not one emotion in their dark amber depths. Finally, Cap raised his own eyes and looked into

Johnny's. "John. How are you? Really."

Johnny cocked his head to one side but his eyes never changed. "Cap. I'm fine." His voice was soft and flat.

"uh huh." Cap commented, his tone as enthusiastic as Johnny's had been. Johnny made no further comment, merely stared

back. After the silence became uncomfortable, Cap sighed. "Well. Just remember if you need to talk, my door is always open."

He knew the words sounded lame but he put as much feeling and sympathy into both them and the look he gave the dark

haired paramedic.

Johnny gave a faint nod and turned from his captain as the other members of A shift filed into the kitchen. Greetings were

called out and answered by all but the two paramedics. Johnny refilled his cup and took his spot by the sink like he had last

shift. He listened to the banter from the others, giving a faint smile when it was called for but abstaining from any further

involvement.

Soon Cap announced roll call and the men headed into the bay. Cap came out of his office with another man. Cap looked up

and addressed his men. "First order of business today is introductions. Roy, John. This is Marcus Kent. He's a transfer from San

Diego and will be riding with you for the next few weeks or so. Show him the squad and get him familiar with your routines.

Marc? This here is Roy DeSoto."

Roy stepped forward and eagerly shook the younger man's hand.

"Pleasure to meet you Marc. Although I know we do things a little different up here, I'm sure you'll soon fit right in."

The new man smiled, "Thanks, I'm sure I will."

Cap pointed to the next man and said, "This is Mike Stoker, our engineer."

Johnny watched the new guy as Cap introduced each of the crew. He wasn't as tall as Cap, not even as tall as him. He had a

husky build with large muscular arms. His reddish hair was military short and he had grey eyes with laugh lines around them.

He noticed this as he heard Cap say, "And my other paramedic, John Gage."

Johnny extended his hand and felt it clasped in a warm firm but not crushing grasp."

"Pleasure to meet you." Johnny heard his voice say and Marc smiled, "Thanks." Then he walked over to stand next to Roy at

the other end of the line while Cap completed the morning routine. As he dismissed them, Roy turned to Kent and began to

chatter, "So, where in San Diego are you from? My wife has family there so we visit a lot."

The two continued conversing as Roy pulled the boxes and showed Kent each item and where it was stored. Johnny leaned

against the back of the squad; his hands in his pockets, his shoulders slumped. Mike paused by him, waiting into the dark

haired medic raised his head and looked at him.

Mike cocked his head in a questioning manner and Johnny merely shrugged and returned his gaze to where the two

animatedly talked.

'Like newly discovered best friends." The thought pushed through Mike's head as he watched. He glanced at Johnny,

wondering if the same thought was going through the younger paramedic's mind. He patted Johnny on the shoulder, felt Gage

tense under his touch and withdrew his hand with a sigh. He walked on past toward his engine and his own checklist.

Johnny listened while Roy gushed over the new man, asking about his marriage, exchanging pictures of their kids and setting

up a time to introduce the two families on their coming days off. Roy showed Kent how to do the morning calibrations, count

the supplies in the trauma box and the drug box and make a list for needed replacements, all the things that he used to do

with Johnny. Johnny was pulled back to the here and now when he felt the squad's engine start up. He realized he was alone

in the bay, both men were already in the squad. He hadn't heard the tones so figured it must be a supply run.

"Ya coming Gage or are you gonna stand back there all day?" Roy shouted.

Johnny moved forward and squeezed himself into the seat, closing the door behind him. Roy looked at Kent and smiled, "Good

thing Gage there is so skinny. There's a few I've worked with here in LA County that makes sitting three in the cab kinda

cramped." Kent laughed and Johnny allowed his lips to give a proper upward turn.

Then Roy nodded as he pulled out onto the street and headed toward Rampart. "Yeap. There are some advantages with

having a skinny partner. I can use him to get into tight spots for a rescue, kinda like one of those specially trained dogs."

Kent laughed harder, "Really?"

Roy chuckled, "Yeah. Only he does a better job of setting a IV." He glanced at Johnny as he added, "Mind you only marginally

better. After all, he does have the advantage of having opposable thumbs."

Kent laughed again not seeming to notice that the object of their talk had turned his gaze out the side window. When they

pulled into their usual spot in Rampart, he opened the door and stepped out, letting Kent out before shutting the door again.

He watched as Roy came quickly around the front and placed his hand on Kent's shoulder in a friendly gesture, "Come on. I'll

introduce you to the staff here. We work pretty close with the Doctors and most of the nurses here." He glanced back to

where Johnny followed them and pitched his voice a little louder, "It'll be kinda nice working with a married partner; I doubt

you'll get distracted by any pretty face and forget your job."

The barb hit as deeply as intended. Johnny caught his breath in a gasp but gave no other sign that Roy's jab had hurt him. He

knew that Roy knew that Johnny would never allow his romancing to interfere with the job. At least, he thought Roy did.

Dixie looked up as she noticed two men in firefighters uniform and smiled, "Hello Roy, Joh . . ." she paused. It wasn't Johnny

walking in chatting animatedly with Roy. In fact, she'd never seen this man before. Roy looked at the nurse and grinned, "Hey

Dix. Let me introduce you to my newest partner. This is Marcus Kent. He just transferred up from San Diego and I'm showing

him the ropes, so to speak."

Dixie extended her hand as Roy faced the red-haired man. "This is Dixie McCall. She holds everything –and I do mean

everything—together here at Rampart's emergency room from the nurses to the paramedics and the Doctors."

Kent took the hand and smiled warmly, "It's a pleasure to meet such a capable woman, Ms. McCall."

"Please call me Dixie. Everyone does—from the doctors to the paramedics." She grinned at Roy and continued, "Speaking of

paramedics, Roy, aren't you missing s . . ."

"Hey Dix we need some supplies." Roy cut her off, handing her the list while grabbing a requisition form. "C Shift musta been

pretty busy, we're low on almost everything." He moved toward the coffee pot, poured himself a cup and asked, "Marc?"

Marc shook his head, "None for me, sorry. I never could learn to like the taste."

Roy laughed, "Well, that's a break. You can't begin to guess the amount of times I had to put up with a partner whining about

not getting enough coffee."

Dixie looked up at that remark, her gaze going from where Roy grinned at Kent to Kent laughing as if that was the funniest

thing he'd ever heard. She placed some of the items in a box on the counter, then her attention caught on something in the

hall. Without another word, she moved past the two chatting men and walked down the hall. She paused by the door to the

men's room, to the dejected looking figure standing there, just a few yards from her desk—head down, hands in the pockets.

Hesitantly she reached to touch the man's arm and before contact was made heard a soft familiar voice, "Hey Dix."

"Johnny?" She made his name a question as she laid a well-manicured hand on his bare arm. "Are you OK? Are you sick?" She

was confused by his actions. Where was the bouncing chatty firefighter she'd know for nearly six years? Why wasn't he

leaning across her desk, coffee cup in hand like he had so many times in the past. Something was wrong, very wrong, every

instinct that made her a good nurse was screaming at her.

Johnny didn't lift his head as he told her in the same soft voice. "I'm fine. Really. You'd better get the supplies. We really are

low and we could be toned out any time." Reluctantly, knowing he was right, she patted his arm and left him. She finished

filling the box and couldn't help glaring a little at Roy.

Oblivious, Roy smiled brightly at the nurse, "Thanks Dix. As always you're a jewel. Come on Junior, the needy citizen's of LA

await." He said as he clapped Kent on the back.

"Junior!" Kent chuckled, "I like that!" They walked past the figure still leaning against the wall. Slowly Johnny pushed himself

away and turned to follow.

"Johnny," she called out. He lifted his head and looked back at her. The emotionless look on his face caused her to falter.

"Johnny, what . . ."

He just shrugged then Roy reappeared around the corner waving the HT. "Move it Gage. We've got a call." He shouted angrily.

Immediately Johnny turned and trotted off.

Dixie watched him disappear, her mouth a thin line. "This isn't over yet, boys." She vowed.

As the day progressed, Dixie noticed Roy and Marc brought in the patients and Johnny followed in the squad. Roy was never

without Kent by his side so she never could question him. She never got a chance to ask Johnny either; as soon as Johnny

appeared in the hallway, Roy would call them available and leave. Dixie sighed in frustration. Something's happening,

something bad, I can feel it. The experienced nurse thought as she checked out at shift's end. She had the next three days off

and knew she wouldn't see Roy or Johnny on duty until after the holiday weekend. "Maybe by then what ever this is will have

all blown over." She mused but gave a sardonic grin as something else within her replied, Fat chance. As she walked to her

car, she found herself saying a silent prayer for her friends still on duty at 51's.

The rest of the shift followed in much the same manner at the station house. On site, Roy worked mostly with Kent assisting

him, John merely supporting as Roy kept up the tiny barbs and commanding attitude. However, on the third shift, he did let

Johnny treat and work with patients, even though he checked that work whenever he could.

Johnny merely nodded or made some other comment acknowledging each barb as if they were given with concern instead of

maliciousness.

Each member of the engine crew had sores on their tongues from repeated bitings as they witnessed the actions. Cap had

taken to grinding his teeth when the engine was called out with the squad. When the paramedics weren't needed in their

capacity as healers and instead manned a hose, Cap broke the team up, pairing Chet with Johnny and Marco with Roy but

even Marco's easy going nature was hard put not to haul off and lay into Roy as his 'helpful'

comments continued.

At one fire, Cap sent the two paramedics in reluctantly after a reported person still on the second floor. As the two pulled on

their gear, Roy turned to Kent. "Go ahead and get the equipment set up, you know what we might need. I'll call if I need more

help." With that, he turned and left, Johnny his ever present silent shadow right behind him.

When they got to the top of the stairs on the second floor, Johnny motioned he would take the left side while Roy took the

right and was surprised when Roy jerked him so hard backwards he nearly fell. He looked into Roy's facemask. Roy was

shaking his head at him, his face angry, "No. You stay with me." For the sake of passing time, he consented as Roy turned

quickly on his heel and began the search.

They had only finished half the rooms on the right side when the HT in Roy's pocket beeped.

"Engine 51 to HT 51." Taking a deep breath of processed air, Roy lifted his mask and spoke into the HT. "HT 51 go ahead."

"HT 51, the missing person was found unconscious in the alley. Apparently they made it out the backdoor. Abandon search.

Thestructure is becoming unstable." Cap's voice came faintly.

"10-4, Engine 51. Abandoning search. HT 51 out." Roy shoved the HT back into his pocket and moved back toward the

stairway, grabbing Johnny's arm as he did. Johnny followed him.

As he made his way down the first two steps Johnny paused. Something had changed, Johnny wasn't sure what it was but

the hair on the back of his neck stood up and he froze, his eyes searching the burning walls around him. Then he saw it, his

eyes widened.

A section of ceiling was pulling free, dripping melting plastics. Instinctively, Johnny reached out, grabbed the shoulders of

Roy's turnout and wrenched him up the stairs behind Johnny. As he did, the younger man twisted his own body, hoping he

would be out of harms way as well.

With a wet sound, the section broke loose and fell, right where Roy would have been. The melted material splashed outward,

some of it landing on Johnny's left leg. With a yelp, he reached down and tried to brush the burning mass from his pants. That

made it worse as the glob smeared and some now stuck onto his hand. Fortunately, he still wore his gloves. Suddenly he felt

himself being pulled upwards, back toward the landing.

A second's relief filled him. Roy. Roy was pulling him up; Roy would help him. He turned his head, looking into partner's

facemask. His eyes widened in surprise at the anger he saw there as Roy held him close by his turnout coat. "What the hell

you trying to pull, Gage!?" He shouted.

"The . . .I saw the ceiling start to go." He stammered, pointing behind him. Roy looked around at the melting mass sliding

down the stairs back up to the ceiling and back into Johnny's wide eyes. "Well, we can't get out that way now." He growled,

scowling at Johnny as if it was his fault. He shoved Johnny in front of him as he ordered, "There's another stairwell at the end

of that hall."

Silently Johnny led the way, Roy right behind him. Soon they were outside. Roy pushed past him, heading for the squad and

Kent who held an oxygen mask on the victim.

Johnny pulled his mask off and released the strap on his helmet as soon as they hit open air. He paused near a puddle and

dipped his coated hand in it. As he'd hoped, the mess became more solid and he could peel it off. Next he scooped water up

and drenched his leg.

Again, the mess could be carefully peeled away. Johnny hissed in pain as the sticky mess pulled on his burned skin.

"What happened there, John?" A voice near him said and he jumped, startled. Bent over like he was, his balance was off and

he tittered.

A hand reached out to steady him but couldn't prevent his fall to his backside. He looked up into the frowning face of his

captain. Cap knelt quickly, pushing the pant's leg gently away and revealing the blistering burn. "It's nothing, Cap." Johnny

tried to push his pants back down and rise to his feet only to be gently pushed back. "I just got alittle splashed by some

melted plastics, it's not bad."

"I disagree." Cap straightened and called, "DeSoto. Come here."

Obediently Roy trotted over, his gaze curious until he noticed Johnny sitting on the ground. His face took on a marked

disgusted look and he said, "Great Gage. What have you done now?"

Cap titled his head slightly and said in his best captain's voice, "It seems a firefighter has been injured and I think you, as

senior paramedic, should see to it."

Roy got the hint and turned to his partner. "Can you walk over to the squad?"

Johnny knew better than to argue with his Captain so, head down, he nodded. Roy assisted him to his feet and he carefully

walked to the squad, refusing any aid. Once there, he sat on the running board, took his helmet and his air tank off and

leaned back against the cool surface, letting it soothe the heat from his body.

Kent looked up, curious. "What's going on? What happened?"

"Gage got hurt. Again." Roy muttered. "You'll find out while you're here that Gage will spend as much time on the injured list

as he does on duty."

Johnny closed his eyes, hiding the tears which had filled them. He remained silent and unresisting as his pant's leg was cut up

to the knee. A not to gentle probing of the area caused him pain but he refused to wince.

"Well, it's not bad. Nothing a little silver cream and a bandage can't fix." Roy said. Soon the burn was covered and the stinging

lessened. "That was hardly worth the trouble." Roy sounded disgusted. Johnny remained unmoved.

"Well?" Cap's voice came suddenly and Johnny startled again.

"It's just a slight burn, nothing to worry about. I don't even need to call Rampart on him. For once." Roy replied. Cap frowned

at Roy and placed a hand on Johnny's shoulder. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked at his captain.

"John?"

"I told you I was fine." Johnny's voice remained flat and soft. He pushed himself away from the squad and stood. He picked up

his tank and placed it into the bay. Cap stood back, watching him move.

"Well, we have the fire under control now. Since you don't have any victims to take care off, you two can help."

Johnny nodded, picked up his helmet and stepped toward the building. Cap's hand on his chest stopped him and he looked

up. Cap gave him a slight smile. "Not you John. Just DeSoto and Kent." His stare brooked no argument and the two hastily

retreated.

"Cap, I'm fine. I can help." Johnny protested. Cap merely shook his head. "No John. Not this time. That burn might not be bad

enough for a trip to the hospital but I don't want to take any chances on infection so you're staying right out here, in the

squad.

Johnny nodded, knowing what a dirty messy job clean up was and he already felt exhausted. Then something else came to

mind and he said, "Cap, you said no victims, what happened to the guy we were sent in for? The one who was unconscious?"

Cap smiled. Trust his youngest paramedic to worry over a patient's care. "He's already on his way to the doctor's. He refused

any other treatment and had his wife who had just come on site drive him to his doctor's. Now you get into that cab and stay

there."

Johnny didn't say a word as he wearily climbed into the cab. He leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes.

Cap watched him for several minutes, hoping he was sleeping. He knew his younger paramedic wasn't sleeping well at the

station and from the dark circles that had become normal on his face, suspected the same went for off duty as well. He shook

his head, his gaze going now to where Roy and Kent pulled apart walls, making sure all the fire was out.

Roy's attitude concerned Hank. The best paramedic team LA County had ever known was falling apart and he didn't know how

to stop it. Roy seemed upset—no, that wasn't right, not upset. Hank searched for the emotion he saw in his senior

paramedic's eyes when he was ordered to care for Gage. Disgust and anger. That was it, and his comments to Kent. Oh, Roy

may have thought his captain was too far away to hear, but he'd heard. Cap shook his head. What had happened with these

two? If this injury had happened two weeks ago, Roy would have known Johnny was hurt almost instantly and would have

been dragging his partner to the squad. Instead, he, the captain, had been the one to see Johnny trying to pull something off

his pants, had seen the winces, and knew he was hurt. He'd practically had to order Roy to treat him! Hank sighed deeply; he

just didn't know what to do!

With the clean up done, the crew headed back to the station. Cap turned to Johnny as he carefully stepped from the cab.

"After you shower, I want . . ."

"Cap, I can do it myself. Don't order Roy to do it." Johnny interrupted. "I promise, I'll re-bandage it. Please?" For the first

time in nearly a week, Hank saw some sort of emotion in those brown eyes but it made him cringe. Johnny was practically

begging him not to have Roy, his partner, his best friend, treat him. Reluctantly, he nodded and cringed again to hear Gage's

sigh of relief. Hiding his own feelings, Hank headed for a shower.

The rest of the evening went slow and others in the crew began to notice changes that told the tension had started to show

physically on Johnny. After everyone had showered and was relaxing in the dayroom, Marco notice Johnny hadn't come out yet

and went to make sure he was alright. He found the paramedic sitting in his locker, eyes closed, his face suspiciously wet and

his shoulders shaking. The Hispanic quickly backed out of the area, then guarded the door, not allowing anyone to enter until

he saw Johnny wash his face and leave first.

Chet tried to lighten the mood that had settled over everyone by setting his favorite pigeon up for a water bombing. The plan

backfired and a livid Chet swore off any more phantom visits after Roy laughed extra hard at his wet and bedraggled partner,

then commented loudly, "Gee Gage, this just proves my point. You really are totally oblivious of everything. Why, even a raw

boot coulda seen that one coming a mile away!"

The Irishman seethed in impotent anger at how badly his plan had backfired when Johnny slowly wiped the water off his face

and replied. "Yeah, you're right. I guess even a boot is smarter then me." With slumped shoulders and hung head, the man

left the room to change while Roy hooted and laughed, slapping Chet's shoulder in delight as he congratulated him on

another 'good one.'

Later that night, Cap noticed Johnny seemed to again have trouble sleeping. And he over heard both Marco and Mike

discussing how Johnny had barely eaten when they would get the chance for the last two shifts.

There were no runs for the squad or the engine that night so the men, except Johnny, were well rested as they gathered in

the kitchen after the wake up tones went off. Marc and Roy sat side by side, laughing over how quickly their two families had

become friends. Marc had three kids, a boy and girl near both Jen and Chris's age and a toddler. Johnny stood at his now

usual spot in front of the sink.

Mike stood at the stove, cooking a breakfast of eggs and sausages. He placed a plate in front of Johnny who merely shook his

head. "You have to eat Johnny. You know you can't afford to loose any weight." He whispered fiercely. He'd once overheard

Roy admonishing the junior paramedic over that same issue, warning him he was too close to the minimum healthy weight for

his height. "Brackett can pull you off duty just as fast for being underweight as he can Animal for being over, you know that."

He'd heard Roy caution his partner.

As Mike watched Johnny, he couldn't help but notice those high cheekbones seemed a little sharper. He glanced downward,

noting Johnny's shirt appeared to have more material gathered at his waist then before and the belt pulled into a new notch.

He continued holding the plate, looking into Johnny's face until with a quiet sigh, Johnny took the plate and offered fork. Mike

served the other men and sat down to his own breakfast.

"Hey everybody! Don't forget about the barbeque on Memorial Day at my house!" Roy commented. Marco smiled, "I'll be there.

Momma has made a bunch of tamales for me to bring since she can't come herself."

"Why isn't she coming again?" Chet asked.

"She's got some sort of church bazaar going on that weekend and she'll be there the whole time." Marco replied as he wiped

his toast across his plate.

"Lyn and I will be there about noon. We'll have the girls and Rich with us, Dave will be by after work." Cap added. Mike

grinned at the older man, "Dave's really enjoying having his 'independence' isn't he?"

Cap sighed, "You know, Lyn and I still aren't used to having another driver in the family. And we definitely were leery on Dave

getting a car so soon after getting his license. But so far, he's been very responsible."

Mike chuckled, knowing how worried Cap and his wife really had been over their oldest driving. Cap had insisted on borrowing

a MVA training film from the department and making Dave watch it before he even went for his first ride. Mike had nearly been

'decorated' as the young man had raced to the latrine. "Well, Becky is bringing the kids over about noon also. I'll come by as

soon as I finish up at the parade."

Marco nodded, "That's right. I forgot you were asked to be honor guard for the flag and department colors."

Chet looked up, "Hey Roy? You need me to come early to help with anything?"

"Naw, Marc and Tammy are coming over in the morning. We've got everything covered." Roy replied as he dug into his food.

Marco elbowed Chet and the startled Irishman looked up at his glaring friend. Confusion covered his face, then he looked to

where Marco jerked his head and noticed Johnny. Chet closed his eyes as he realized.

Normally Johnny would be the one who went to Roy's early and helped set up. Chet had made the offer remembering that

Gage had volunteered to work the parade so would be late. But instead, his offer had become one more jab Roy could throw

at his partner.

As Chet and Marco watched, Johnny walked over to the trash can and scrapped off his plate. He placed the dish into the sink,

cleaned it off, then left the room, nodding to his replacement as they passed.

Mike watched him go and leaned over toward Marco. "Did it look like he ate anything?" Marco shook his head as he frowned.

Mike attacked his sausage angrily. Marco sighed. "Something's gotta give and soon." He heard Chet mutter and faced his

friend who was glaring at Roy and Marc.

TBC-

Notes--

I'm gauging Johnny's weight loss on a Marine friend of mine who has the same heighth and physical build. He too eats everything in sight but stays thin. If he's sick or hurt and can't eat, he's been known to drop as much as 15 pounds over three days.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for the replies and the feedback. IRALFAN, you get the cybercandy for my question, you were the closest. It was 1976-77-78. I also think somehow you've been secretly reading my notes as your guesses on this story are very close.

I know how hard it is to be on the reading side of a WIP. I'll tell you, it's just as hard to be on the other side as well. Those of you on the Johnny Gage website heard about my "awsome but busy week" Those that didn't and might care, here's a fast recap.

Monday-Tuesday testing on FEMA Hazardous Materials and WMD

Thursday Exam 3 EMT class on Patient assessment in morning then all day with son/DIL even assisting some in delivery of first grandchild,

Friday Clinicals in ER 3-11, Sat 7-7 shift on ambulance medic51. Sunday collapsed!

Now onto the continuing saga of Roy and Johnny!

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Roy lay in his bed, listening to the soft sound of his wife sleeping and wishing he could join her. He sighed, rolled over and punched his pillow into a different shape_. 'Why can't I get to sleep tonight? I'm tired, but not over tired. I slept fine last night on shift so I stayed up all today. We had a busy day.'_ He smiled again as he remembered the excitement around the house over the coming party. Jo had been baking and he'd snuck a couple of fingers full of her homemade chocolate frosting before she'd found out and stopped him. He thought of all the mouthwatering aromas that had permeated the house all day. _'Mmmmm, I just can't wait to try some of that cake. The frosting was soooo good—smooth and rich. And it smells so heavenly baking . . ._'he sniffed deeply, breathing in the aroma when suddenly he paused. Frowning, he sniffed again. No, he wasn't mistaken. The heady aroma of baking cake had changed into one he well recognized. From his seat on the back deck, he looked into the house, into the kitchen.

Training took over and he was instantly on his feet. "Jo! Fire in the kitchen! Take the kids over to The Websters and call the fire department." Jo looked up at him, terror on her face as she screamed, "Oh My God, Jenny! Roy! Jenny's in her room!"

Roy glanced at the screen door which now had smoke pouring through it. "Jo! Move it! I'll get Jenny." He waited only until he saw his wife nod, then taking a deep breath, headed into his house. He made his way through the dense smoke, not being able to see in front of him at all. Finally he could hold his breath no longer. He gulped air . . .and heard the familiar sound of his SCBA. A quick glance down at himself confirmed he now wore his turnouts and gear. The smoke cleared somewhat and he hurried toward his daughter's room.

He kicked the door open, afraid of what he'd see but what greeted him wasn't anything that he expected. Another firefighter was all ready in the room, already had his daughter in his own arms. As Roy rushed across the room, that other looked up…. ...and gave him a lop-sided grin through his facemask. "I got her, pally. She's just fine." Johnny grinned at him.

But Roy could see Jenny wasn't 'just fine'. The skin around her mouth was a decided blue and her body was limp. With a cry of rage, Roy grabbed his daughter out of Johnny' arms, forcibly shoving the dark haired man backward as he did. With a startled yelp, Johnny

somersaulted over the bed and landed in a heap on the other side.

Roy pushed up his mask and gave the little girl two quick breaths. Immediately she opened her eyes and smiled at him. "Thank you Daddy." She chirped and kissed her father's cheek. Then she squirmed out of his arms and skipped out the door. Looking out the window, he saw into the backyard as she hugged her mother and then climbed onto a swing.

"Why'd you do that?" Johnny's muffled bewildered voice brought his attention back. He looked over and watched as his partner attempted to struggle to his feet. Then, as if held by an invisible force, Roy felt his own body go rigid. Part of him wanted to step forward, grab his partner and leave the building. The other part of him just wanted to leave and rejoin his family. Unable to move, he could do neither.

"Roy?" Johnny's voice sounded worried. "Hey man, are you awright?"

At that moment, the ceiling gave that particular groan that all firefighters recognized and feared. Both men looked up. Suddenly it fell but as it did, the jumble of wood, plaster and insulation melted into a gelatinous mass. It hit Johnny, instantly burying him up to the waist in the hot goo. Johnny screamed in pain and struggled to free himself from the mass as more dripped down on him. He looked at Roy, his dark eyes wide in horror as he screamed, "Roy! Help me! Oh God it burns! Please, for God's sake, help me!"

Roy watched, his mind begging for action while his legs didn't move, his arms stayed at his side; only his heart reacted to the horror he witnessed as it raced frantically. It was as if his body was controlled by something else and had just brought his mind along for the ride. The goo continued to drop and Johnny continued to struggle. Roy could hear his voice, muffled by the facemask, pleading, "Roy! Please! Don't let me die like this! Oh God, Roy please!"

Still Roy couldn't move, only watch as the goo slowly buried his partner. Johnny's head finally disappeared under the mass and Roy felt a guilty relief he could no longer hear Johnny's screams or see the terror on his face. However, one hand stayed free. Roy found his eyes drawn to it as the long fingers continued to stretch out toward him, reaching for the aid, for the comfort, that never came. Then slowly, they began to relax, to stop their questing. Tears sprang to Roy's eyes as he watched the hand twitch twice then lie still.

Suddenly Roy's body moved; he turned from the terrible sight and walked back out into the hallway. His hand reached out, shutting the door and shutting off his final sight of the mess oozing across the floor, still encasing the dark haired medic's body. Roy felt more tears sting his eyes as the final insult was given, his betraying hand marked the door with a chalk x. Now no other firefighter would check the room since the x signaled the room had been cleared.

Now his body swiftly moved out of the building, leaving the smoke and fire behind as he stepped out into bright sunshine in his own backyard. He looked around to see all the other members of A shift relaxing at the obvious party. He quickly shed his gear and moved to join them, laughing as he did.

With a great gasp, Roy sat up in bed. It was dark, the clock said only 3:30 am. He took deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart. Already the nightmare that had awaken him was dissolving into mist and all he remembered was it had something to do with Johnny and Jenny. _'Third time in a week I've been awaken like this_,' he thought, again angry at the man he'd once called friend. _'That blasted man's ineptitude even haunts my dreams.' _

Even as he thought it, something flickered in his mind, some piece of the past nightmare but he shook his head and pushed it away. _'Well, he'll learn. I've just got to try even harder to get him to be more aware. It's really for his own good as well._' He continued to convince himself. _'He's a decent medic_,' He allotted. _'I just need keep a closer watch on him, just need to . . to guide him a little more. Yeah that's all he needs, a little firm guidance.'_

Still edgy, Roy left the bed and made a quiet inspection of the house. Everything was as it should be and both Chris and Jenny slept peacefully in their rooms. After a visit to the bathroom, Roy returned to his own room. With a sigh, Roy allowed himself to settle back in the bed and closed his eyes. Before long, he was once again asleep and stayed that way for the remainder of the night.

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Johnny looked up into the tear-stained face of the little girl sitting on the chair in front of him. He smiled big and asked, "There now, all done. Did that hurt so bad?" The child hiccupped once and shook her head. Johnny lifted her from the chair and set her on her feet. He turned to the anxious father and said, "It wasn't more than a scrape. I cleaned it and put some disinfectant on it. You should have you own doctor check it out, particularly if you notice any swelling or continued redness or heat coming from it." The man smiled in relief and reached out a hand for Johnny to shake. "Thanks again so much. I'm sorry to bother you guys but I'm at a complete loss when it comes to my kids being hurt. My wife usually handles stuff like that."

"No problem. That's what we're here for." Johnny assured the man as he bent over and picked up the trash from the bandage. Then he was struggling for balance as the little girl suddenly flung her arms around Johnny's neck and gave him a loud smacking kiss on the cheek. He regained his balance, one hand going to his face as he watched the two walk off.

"That kinda payment makes it all worthwhile, don't it?" Dwyer's laughing voice came over the crowd noises. Johnny faced his partner for the day and grinned, "Yeah, you're right. It certainly does." He looked out from under the canopy where they had been assigned their aid station. "Looks like the parade's nearly over. I figure it'll take most people about another 2 hours to clear out after that and then they'll probably release us."

Dwyer nodded as he updated the paperwork on their last case. "Yeah, that's what I figured too. Not too bad, Johnny. We've had twenty case here but none more serious then that twisted knee."

Johnny nodded as he disposed of the trash and walked toward the cooler. Another figure stooped under the canopy and stopped, facing the two firemen. Since he stood right at the edge of the sunlight and the shadow of the canopy, Johnny couldn't make out more than a general outline. Johnny faced the broad muscular figure asking, "Can I help you with something?"

"Nope." came the answer as he stepped forward and Johnny recognized the uniform of a Deputy Sheriff. At the same time as he spoke, Dwyer raised his head from the paper work and grinned at the cop, "Hey Birddog! I didn't know you were workin' today?"

Birddog turned toward Dwyer and smirked, "Heard you were goldbrinkin' this shindig today. Thought I'd stop by and make sure you were on the up and up." Dwyer shook his head in disgust.

"Johnny, this here animated hulk is Birddog. Otherwise known as Jonathon C. Benton. Birddog and I've known each other since junior high. BirdDog, this here's Johnny Gage."

BirdDog nodded to the shorter man and extended a huge hand, "Heard about you from others, Gage. You've got a rep around the department."

Johnny took the offered hand and was relieved the man shook it firmly but fairly, not developing the greeting into a machoisum contest. He smiled then frowned, "Nice ta meet ya. . .I think. What do you mean I've got a rep?"

Dwyer snorted as BirdDog tossed him a knowing look. "Nothin' bad. Just most likely to crawl into, climb up or shinny down."

Johnny looked puzzled, "Oh." was all he could say. Under his breath Dwyer added, "Or break, split apart, bleed, or concuss." At that Johnny looked offended and protested, "Hey!" while both Dwyer and BirdDog laughed.

"So, BirdDog, that's an interesting name," Johnny raised an eyebrow after the two men stopped guffing at him. BirdDog jabbed a thumb toward Dwyer. "His fault."

Dwyer nodded, "Yeap. See there was this cutest little thing who had her desk next to me and I was working her up for going with me to go to the Fall Dance. Then I found her sitting on the swings, holding hands with my supposed best friend." He glared at the cop who just shrugged and readjusted his weapon's belt. "So anyway, I wanted to call him all these names but at the time all I could think off was an old Everlys Brothers song about Johnny stealing the guy's chick. I called him a BirdDog and it stuck." He looked over at his friend, "Whatever happened to Shelly anyway?"

Benton grinned, "Ran into her last week. She's married, three kids and fat." Dwyer nodded, "Figures."

Benton hitched his belt again, "Well, gotta go walk-about. Nice meetin' ya Gage," He pointed a finger at Dwyer and growled, "You I'll see tonight." Dwyer nodded chuckling as he watched his friend leave.

Johnny shook his head, "You tagged him with a name like BirdDog and you're still breathing??"

Dwyer laughed. "Ya got him all wrong, Johnny. BirdDog is a gentle giant at heart. Now don't get me wrong, he's a good cop and a helliva buddy to have around during a fight but deep down . . ." He laughed harder and deepened his voice, "Deep, deep down, he's all soft and squishy."

Johnny laughed, "but aren't we all?" He walked back over to the cooler and flipped up the lid. He pulled out a bottle of water and handed it to Dwyer before getting one for himself. He sat on top of the closed cooler, twisted off the cap and drank long before coming up for air. Dwyer

put his pen down with a sigh and repeated Johnny's actions. "Man

that's good."

Johnny nodded, "Yeah, but ya know, this year's not as hot as last year."

Dwyer agreed, "We didn't have any heat problems this year. Why by this time last year, . . ." He was interrupted by loud voices, a woman's scream and the side of the canopy bowing down. Johnny sprang to his feet, instantly alert and heading toward the noise while Dwyer picked up the HT. As he called for help, he could hear Johnny's voice saying, "Hey, hey, hey what's going on here?" He desperately hoped his friend wasn't getting into something over his head but had a sinking feeling as he realized, _'This is Gage I'm talking about.'_

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The parade was over and most of the crowd had dissipated when Mike changed from his hot dress uniform into a pair of jeans and a shirt. He'd found out where Johnny and Dwyer had been set-up and thought he'd check in on his co-worker. Part of the reason was to see if Johnny still planned on joining the rest of A-shift at Roy's party. He hoped that was still the case. He knew Roy's actions over the last week had seriously hurt the younger man and he's hoped to get him alone to try to talk with him, to let him know that the others were there if Johnny needed them.

He walked up to the canopy, picking his way past trash from the crowds, not envying those who would have to clean the mess up. He bent down to enter the area, noticing one side of the canopy had been torn lose and now hung nearly to the ground. He looked around inside bewildered. There was a cot—empty—two tables, one tipped over with various papers scatter around it, one with two trauma boxes and other various first aid supplies spread across the top but no one around. He circled the area slowly.

"Can I help you with something, sir?" The deep voice came from behind him and he spun around to face a large powerfully built policemen whose hand just casually rested on his belt above his gun.

"Um, no. Not really." Mike stammered then took a deep breath. 'Great going Stoker, if you didn't look guilty before you sure sound like it now.' He gave a grin and tried again. "I'm just looking for a friend of mine."

"Oh?" The officer questioned. Mike nodded and before he could elaborate another voice called, "Hey Benton, what you got? He need a medic?"

Benton turned his head slightly to the voice but his eyes never left Mike and his hand didn't move from over the gun. "Just some guy says he's looking for his friend."

"Yeah? Well, who's his frie . . .Oh! Stoker!" Dwyer's voice got louder as he stepped into the shadowed area then stopped as he recognized his fellow stationmate. He looked over at Benton and grinned, "Relax BirdDog, he's ok. He's a firemen from my station."

Benton relaxed his hand but not his gaze. Dwyer rolled his eyes then grinned at Mike. "Sorry Stoker. We had a . . .um . . .bit of a problem here a little while ago and BirdDog there is still a might jumpy."

Dwyer moved toward the overturned table as he spoke. Mike moved forward, helping him turn it over then began helping gather the papers as Dwyer continued, "Seems a couple of drunks decided to have it out right beside us then decided to have us join them in their mêlée." He took the offered papers from the A-Shift engineer with a, "Thanks for the assist, man."

A sinking feeling settled into Mike's gut as he asked, "Uh, Dwyer, where's Johnny?"

"Rampart." Came the not unexpected answer then Dwyer looked up as he realized how that sounded, "Oh. No. That's not what I meant. I mean Gage took one of the drunks in. He'd had a pretty deep laceration on one arm. The drunk; not Gage."

Mike let his breath out in a sigh. "So. Johnny wasn't hurt."

Dwyer made a face while Officer Benton snorted, muttering something under his breath about 'skinny little guy' and 'just went flying' and Mike looked back and forth between the two, frowning.

"Well, now Stoker, I didn't say that." He gave the other fireman a sheepish grin and shrugged his shoulders. "You know Gage, if there's trouble around it's bound to find him."

Mike sighed again, "OK. How bad?"

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TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Johnny pulled his Rover onto Roy's street, noticing the number of cars already around Roy's house. "Cap's wife's car, Marco's car and there's Chet's van, oh Mike's truck. I guess everyone's here." he muttered. He pulled the sleeves of his shirt down over his forearms, then turned back the cuffs slightly, hoping it would hide the bandages over his elbows and upper left arm. He knew his pants hid the other damage he'd sustained from being caught in the fight and most of the bruising wouldn't be really visible until tomorrow. He sighed, not really wanting to be here but knew there was no way he could continue to pretend everything was normal if he didn't show up. Slowly, carefully, he pulled himself from his car and began walking toward the backyard. As he got closer, he could hear the sounds of laughter and children squealing and smell food grilling. For once his stomach growled, letting him know it had been hours since he'd last eaten.

Johnny crossed the backyard, unseen by anyone, and stepped up on the deck. He moved out of the way of a young girl he didn't recognize that had her hands filled with an empty platter. When she stopped in front of the sliding door, uncertain of how to juggle her burden and open the door, he solved her problem. He slid the door open and grinned down at her. She looked up at him but instead of returning his smile, she stared at him, her eyes darting around his face, then down his thin frame and back up to stare into his brown eyes. A little surprised by her actions, he pulled slightly away.

"Oh good, Amy. Bring that on in here and set it up on the stove." JoAnne's voice increased in volume as she approached the door. The girl hurried through and Jo came out, followed by another woman. Jo glanced to the side and smiled up at Johnny. "Johnny! You did make it! Roy said you might not be able to come after you worked today. Oh, this is Tammy Kent." She nodded to the woman behind her, then took the plate from the woman's hand as she continued, "Tammy this is John Gage, your husband's other partner. I'll take this on over to the table so you can say hi." Without another moment, she left, leaving an awkward silence behind her.

Johnny watched her leave, unaccustomed to the feeling of discomfort he was experiencing at this house where he'd always felt at ease before.

"So, you're Gage." Tammy stated and Johnny turned back to her with a pasted on smile. He extended his hand, "Yes, I'm Johnny." She took his hand in both of hers and clutched it tightly, her manicured and painted nails digging slightly into his flesh. He noticed she wore heavy make-up. _She might actually be pretty under all that paint_, he mused. She had a medium build, about 6 inches shorter then him, with hazel eyes, a pert nose, pleasantly shaped mouth and brown hair cut short and styled close to her head in waves. "I heard you are an Indian." She watched him so closely Johnny squirmed.

"Uh, yeah. Been one all my life." He muttered as he tugged gently at his still trapped hand. She didn't seem to catch his comment as she continued. "How long have you been a fireman?"

"About eight years." He answered, still trying to get his now hurting hand released.

"Eight years. That's fantastic! You've held on to being a fireman for eight years. And now you're trying to better yourself even more by becoming a paramedic!" She smiled broadly at him. "I must compliment you on your efforts. I think it's a wonderful idea that the Fire Department has allowed minorities to join it. Oh, I've heard the negative comments but I think, really, people like your people and that other fellow, um, Lopez, can only benefit with a good steady job like working as firemen. I think that teaching them to be productive members of our society is a wonderful thing. Blacks, Mexicans, Indians, Chinese I think they all should get the chance to better themselves. Now, where do you live?"

Stunned by her cascading words and the numb feeling from his hand, it took Johnny a while to realize she was expecting an answer. "Pardon?"

"Where do you live?" she repeated.

"Uhmmm, I . . .live just outside of Whittier, why?" He'd finally been able to retrieve his hand and now rubbed it carefully.

She frowned and tilted her head, "Oh, I didn't know there was a reservation that close to LA." Then she shrugged, "No matter. I have some clothes and toys and things the kids have outgrown. In fact, some are still brand new. Amy is picky about what she'll wear to school so I buy several different tops and let her choose at home. I'll have Marc bring them to you and you can take them home with you. I'm sure . . ."

Johnny felt his blood pressure raise as the woman continued on in the same manner. Suddenly something cold hit his arm, jerking him out of his self-imposed stupor. "Here Johnny, you looked thirsty." His hand automatically took the offered beer as he looked up with a grateful smile at Becky Stoker. He drank deep, missing the frown set to him by Tammy.

In a hushed voice she turned to Becky, "Do you think that was a good idea giving him alcohol?" Becky kept the smile on her face as she answered, "Oh Yes. I think it was an _excellent_ idea. Oh, by the way, Maggie Stanley wanted to go over the list of ingredients in that pie you asked about. You did say that Amy has some problems with wheat, right?"

Rattling on about the sensitive digestion of her angel, Tammy headed off. Johnny lifted the now half empty bottle toward Becky and gave a faint grin, "Thanks Becky."

Becky's smile became genuine as her blue eyes twinkled at him. "No problem, Johnny. You really looked like you needed to be rescued." She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and he met her gaze. "Johnny? Are you sure you're alright?"

He smiled widely even though the expression never reached his eyes. "I'm fine. I've heard worse."

She shook her head, "Not just about Tammy. I want to know how you _really_ are."

His gaze dropped to the bottle he now twisted in his hands. "I'm here, aren't I?"

She sighed, "Johnny . . ." He stood abruptly, cutting her off by saying, "There's Cap. I'd better let him know I made it here." He hurried off as she sighed again. A warm hand dropped on her neck as she heard her husband's voice ask, "Becky?"

She turned to him, her expression sad, "Oh Mike. I hate to see him so sad. And then that . . .that horrid woman! The things she was telling him!" At his confused expression, Becky filled him in on what had happened, unaware Jo had stopped just inside the entryway and heard every word.

Johnny joined Cap where he stood next to the grill. "Hey Cap." Hank looked up at the soft greeting from his youngest shiftmember and grinned. "John! You made it, pal. You look hungry, how 'bout a burger?" Before he could refuse, his captain snatched a bun, placed a fat patty into it, and shoved it at his paramedic. Johnny's stomach growled again and he gave his boss a sheepish grin. Cap laughed and slapped a hand on his youngest crewmember's back, "Eat, pal. There's plenty around even for your appetite." He watched from the corner of his eye as Johnny slowly ate the burger. Internally he sighed. _Normally Gage would've wolfed that down in three bites. Well at least he __**is**__ eating.._ Just as Johnny finished and he was about to offer another, Maggie's heavily accented voice called her husband, "Henry, could I be seein ya a moment in here?" Cap shrugged and gave his younger paramedic a chagrined look as he handed the spatula to Johnny, "The lilting sound of my master's call. Could you take over here?"

"Sure Cap." Johnny took the offered utensil and stepped in front of the grill, flipping several smoking burgers off the heat while moving others not quite so done more over the fire. Roy's voice startled him and he jumped. "You need to move those hotdogs off there. They're done and no one likes overdone hotdogs."

Johnny nodded but kept his gaze on the food before him. He could feel his partner standing right behind his left shoulder, watching every move he made. Nervously, he moved another burger. Again Roy's voice made him jump. "No, not that one. That one needs to cook more. You need to get the two behind it."

"Sure Roy." Johnny commented quietly as he did as suggested.

"Now, here. Get those dogs off there and put these on." A plate of raw dogs was shoved in his face. Without letting his eyes leave the grill, Johnny took the plate and began placing the dogs on the grill.

"Make sure you put them across the grill or they'll fall through."

"Ok, Roy." He murmured again as he removed the cooked meat over to the warmer on the side.

"Better hit that chicken with more sauce and turn it again or it will dry out."

Johnny merely nodded as he did as requested. Grease splattered from some of the burgers and flames shot up past the grill. "Watch it, Gage! Don't let those flames get too high; there are kids all around here." Roy's voice hissed at him. Johnny mutely nodded wishing he were anywhere but where he was. A pain was beginning in his sore back from the rigid way he was holding himself and the headache he'd had after his head had made contact with a lamp pole during the fight was back full-force.

"Gage, watch the . . ."

"Roy DeSoto! Leave the poor man alone!" Jo's close voice caused both to jump. Roy spun around to face his wife, while Johnny merely risked a peck over his shoulder. Jo smiled at them both, hands on her hips as she chided, "It's not like Johnny has never grilled here before. I think he knows how to do it."

Roy scowled at his partner, "Without burning himself? Or someone else? There are kids running all over the place, Jo."

Jo's smile changed into a puzzled frown as she looked around. "What are you talking about, Roy? There's not a child within ten feet of us."

The burger in Johnny's stomach now felt like lead and he wanted nothing more than to get away. He laid the spatula on the rack by the warmer and murmured. "You're here now. You can take over." That said, he maneuvered his lean body around them and retreated to the far corner of the deck.

"Johnny?" Jo began but he didn't acknowledge or even look her way as he passed. Her frown deepened as she looked back at her husband. "What was that all about?" She demanded.

Roy smiled brightly at her as he picked up the spatula and poked at the burgers, "What was what?"

Jo waved her hand toward the grill, "That! The . . . the lesson in 'Grilling 101' and I do mean grilling?" She glanced over to where Johnny had isolated himself, and continued in a quieter voice, "And what's wrong with Johnny?"

Roy shrugged as he kept his attention on the meat before him, "Nothing's wrong with him. I told you he worked the parade this morning; he's probably just tired."

Jo looked unsure, "He does look tired. And you did say he's been working a lot of extra hours lately. I sure hope he's not overdoing it."

Roy shrugged nonchalantly, "I'm sure he's fine." Jo hesitated. Something wasn't right, both with Johnny's actions and her husband's but before she could think further on those lines, Tammy hurried over and grabbed her arm. "There you are, Jo! I just have to tell you about the sale going on at Barney's. How about we hit it tomorrow? The guys are off so they can watch the kids." She drug the woman off, chattering about the shoes she'd seen in the ad, totally oblivious to Jo rolling her eyes in exasperation.

Johnny stood in his self-isolated corner, nursing the remainder of the beer Becky had given him. From his position, he could see Chris playing with Matt Stoker and another Marc called out, "Terry!" and the blonde child left Chris and obediently trotted over with a, "Yeah Dad?" he had his answer on the boy's identity. John watched Marc finish whatever he had to tell the boy, ruffle his hair in a fatherly gesture before the boy raced off to rejoin his friends. Johnny watched the three boys play, noting how Chris looked at him once, then pointedly turned away without returning his smile. Laughter caught his ear and he turned to see Tammy helping Jo place out yet more food before both women returned to the kitchen, still chatting. As he turned his head a little more, he could see Roy standing with Marc, Marco and Chet, all deeply involved in listening to some tale Chet was telling. It dawned on him that each DeSoto was paired with a Kent; each acting as if they were meant to be paired off that way. He hadn't seen Jenny yet, but supposed the girl he'd seen earlier, Amy, was off with her somewhere. He sighed heavily and looked down at his hands as he realized he was once more odd man out. _Everyone is having a good time, I guess. They all belong here, together. I guess I never did._ A bitter thought came to him as he recognized the tale Chet told was one of the pranks he'd pulled on his pigeon. _I guess the only thing I really am is comic relief from the stress._ He glanced at his watch, wondering if he left now, would anyone notice? With his head still down, he turned his eyes and watched his partner who was leaning close to Marc, listening closely to every word the other man was saying. Suddenly it was hard to breathe as a tightness filled his chest and his vision blurred. He closed his eyes, forcing his feelings back down and away once more.

Roy laughed and slapped Marc on the back as he concluded the tale. Marc grinned up at him. "And that's why Roy and I make such a great team, right buddy"

Roy laughed again, "Whatever you say, Jun . . ." The word caught in his throat as movement from the corner of the deck caught his eye. At the sound of the start of that oh so achingly familiar word, Johnny's head had come up. Now Roy found his eyes looking straight into a pair of deep brown ones. Time seemed to have suspended itself around the two men as they stared at each other for what felt like hours but could've only been heartbeats. Then Johnny dropped his head again, breaking that contact.

Roy took a physical step back, in his irrational anger he wanted to say the nickname again, wanted to use it for Marc but his throat refused to allow it to pass up to his lips. It had meant too much; with a burst of anger, he realized it still did. It was too much a part of the other man; Roy couldn't say it to another. Oh sure he'd managed to say it once before, in the hospital. Somehow it had been easier then, but for some reason after looking at Johnny that way, he couldn't. In that instant some gut instinct knew to do so would be too cruel and he found he just couldn't do that. He paused as he reviewed this decision and the chance encounter. Something about his eyes—Johnny's eyes. He tried to pin down the niggling thought. Almost against his conscious will, he found himself over at the table filling up a plate. Once that was done, he walked over to where the dark haired medic stood and lightly tapped his arm. Johnny turned and faced him.

As he did, it suddenly hit Roy what it was that he'd seen in those dark eyes.

He'd seen nothing.

No sparkle, no light, no emotion of any kind. Oh they were physically fine, round pupil, white sclera, but other than that they were as empty as a patient too long with no pulse, no respiration. Roy's mouth felt dry and he swallowed before he spoke. "I . . .uh. . .haven't seen you eat. You know you have to eat."

Johnny looked down at his partner's extended hands. Slowly his own hand came up and he took the plate. Roy found himself beginning to lecture as Johnny slowly raised a chicken leg to his mouth and bit. "You know better that that. You get too few meals as it is when we are on duty, you can't skip meals when you're off as well. You do and you'll end up face down during a rescue. The citizens of LA County deserve our best and you can't give them that if you don't have it to give."

He watched as Johnny chewed and swallowed, not once did he again make eye contact with Roy. Roy tapped Johnny's arm with the spoon he held. Johnny took the offered utensil and spooned some baked beans into his mouth. In the back of his mind, Roy found himself frowning. These were Jo's special baked beans. Johnny loved Jo's beans and always raved about how good they were. Now he was swallowing them like they were something found on a food tray at Rampart.

Raised voices from the backyard pulled his attention away and Roy called out, "Chris. That's enough. Why don't you boys put the ball away for now, wash up and sit down awhile and have something to drink." Chris knew better than to argue with his father and did as told. Roy watched until his son sat at the picnic table with a drink before he turned back toward Johnny. Only Johnny was no longer there. The plate was left on the edge of the deck. One bite out of the chicken, a couple of spoonfuls of the beans eaten, one bite out of the deviled egg and nothing else touched.

Roy felt the now familiar anger flood him as he took the barely touched plate of food and threw it away. _What does he think his doing . . .no that's just it, as usual he's not thinking at all! _ He shook his head as his teeth clinched. _Here am I doing everything I can to help him, to teach him and. . . and he acts like this. Just walks away!_ He took several deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down. _Well, I'll just have to be harder on him. One way or another, he must learn. It's really for his own good as well. _Feeling he'd recovered, Roy smiled and headed back over to the grill.

Little did Roy know that the whole scene had been watched by several people. Jo ducked back into the kitchen, a frown on her face. She'd seen John rush past her on the way into the house, and she presumed the bathroom, and had been headed out to ask her husband what had happened when she watched the conflicting emotions cross his face. More than a little bewildered, she returned to mixing more lemonade.

Both Cap and Mike had seen and heard Roy with John, saw Johnny dart away as soon as Roy was distracted and saw Roy's reaction to Johnny's disappearance. The two men exchanged worried glances, both growing even more concerned with the youngest member of their crew.

In the bathroom, Johnny perched on the edge of the tub and held his head in trembling hands as he took deep breaths, fighting to keep the food he'd eaten down. _Roy is right about one thing_, the paramedic acknowledged. _I can't do my job if I can't keep food in me_. He closed his eyes, forcing his body to relax, even as his head pounded and his stomach made little contractions.

After several moments, he stood and opened the closet. He reached up onto the top shelf and pulled down a medium sized locked box. He knew the combination and soon had it opened and the bottle of aspirin within as well. He gulped two down, washing them down with water from the sink before he relocked the box and replaced it. He splashed some cold water over his face, dried himself and after taking several more deep breaths opened the door.

As he walked down the oh so familiar hall, he paused, looking around him. Something was different. Frowning he looked closer at the various pictures that lined the walls. When it hit him, he again had to fight his pounding head as well as a wave of dizziness. For the third time in less than an hour, tears filled his eyes. He looked again at the pictures, seeing what was there, and more importantly, what wasn't. _They must really hate me._ He shook his head, amazed at how quickly his world had seemed to change. Was it really only a little over a week ago that he'd stood in this same hall after checking on a sleeping Jennifer after bringing her home from the hospital? He pushed himself away from the wall he'd been propped against. _I need to get out of here. I don't belong here anymore._

That decision made, Johnny headed toward the front door away from the happy noises of the party in the backyard. He'd made it past the den and was turning from the sliding door near the kitchen and into the living room when a voice called out to him. He froze as a warm body impacted his legs, nearly knocking him off his feet.

"Uncle Johnny! You're here!" Jenny looked up into his face, her blue eyes dancing with obvious joy. She hugged him fiercely. "I've missed you! Look! My hand is so much better now!" She waved the still bandaged appendage at him and he couldn't stop the wince. Instantly she frowned, "Does your heart still hurt Uncle Johnny? It shouldn't because I'm all better now. It hardly even hurts any more and the doctor said soon I'll get the stitches out and I can go swimming again!"

He tried to smile in reassurance but managed only a weak grin, "I'm fine, Jennifer. Don't worry about me." He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat as he continued, "I'm . . .I'm glad you're feeling better."

Jenny tugged on his hand as she turned and faced the girl who had been standing behind her. Johnny recognized the same girl who had stared at him when he'd opened the door for her. Again, her scrutinizing gaze was locked onto his face.

Oblivious to either Johnny's or Amy's expressions, Jenny blithely chattered, "Amy, this is my Uncle Johnny. He's the coolest. He can play barbies better than anyone else and he makes up the best voices!" She tugged more on Johnny's hand, trying to pull him toward her room. "Come on Uncle Johnny, come play barbies with us." She coaxed.

Johnny shook his head at the child who meant more to him than any other female he knew. "Not today, Jennifer."

She stopped, her eyes suddenly searching his face, "Why not? Uncle Johnny? Are you sick?"

Johnny shook his head again and gently pulled his hand from her hold. "I said, I'm fine, Jennifer. I'm sorry. I have to leave."

Jenny continued to watch her uncle, her face frowning. "But Uncle Johnny. . ." Johnny opened his mouth to again refuse when he was interrupted by Amy.

Amy had watched the actions of the pair before her getting more and more irritated that they were ignoring her so she now gave out a loud sigh. "Oh let him go, Jenny. I thought you said your Uncle Johnny was cool. This guy isn't cool; he's just another dumb old fireman like the rest." Amy sniveled. Johnny closed his mouth. Jenny looked shocked at the other girl. Amy took hold of Jenny's hand and pulled, "Come on. I saw you had a Sorry game. I want to play that."

Jenny pulled away and in an even voice said, "Take it back."

Amy blinked at her, "What?"

"I said, take it back." Jenny repeated.

"Take what back?"

Jenny tipped her head toward Johnny who was beginning to look very uncomfortable. "What you said about firemen and what you said about my Uncle Johnny. He's not just a fireman, he's a paramedic, one of the best there is. I heard Dr. Brackett say so to Dr. Bentley when he was stitching my hand."

Amy scoffed, "Oh for cryin' out loud. He's not cool. My dad's a fireman and a paramedic and he's definitely not cool." Now Amy tried another tactic and sniffled, making her voice pathetically whiny she said, "I thought you liked me; I thought we were best friends. Why won't you do what I want? That's what best friends do." She again grabbed Jenny's hand and pulled.

"Jennifer, it's awright. You two go play." Johnny coaxed. Jenny whirled to face him, again pulling away from Amy. "No Uncle Johnny, it's not alright. And Amy?" she turned to face the older girl, "Best friends don't treat each other bad. We always have to do what you want. All you want to do is boss me around and that's not being friends." Their voices had become louder and several adults around stopped their conversations to turn and watch.

Suddenly Amy's hand shot out and slapped Jenny hard across the face. "All right, have it your way, ya big baby. I never liked you anyhow. My mother said we had to come over to your dumb old house and be nice to you brats because our fathers worked together. Go on, go play your stupid games with you stupid Indian fireman. I know all about what a screw-up he is. I heard your dad and mine talking the other night. Don't know why anybody would want some dumb smelly Indian around anyway."

"He is not! My Uncle Johnny is not!" As Jenny lunged at the girl, the previously frozen adults finally sprang into action, separating the two.

"Jennifer Marie DeSoto! I am very disappointed in you! That is not the way you treat a guest. You apologize to Amy right now young lady!" JoAnne reprimanded her daughter. Jenny, tears coursing down her face looked up at her scowling parents. "But Momma, she said awful things about Uncle Johnny! I was just trying to make her take 'em back."

Roy glared at his daughter, "Jennifer." She dropped her head and sniffled loudly, "I. . .I'm sorry Amy." Amy refused to look at her from where she stood between her mother and father. She lifted her nose into the air then turned to her mother and whined, "Momma, I don't feel good. I think some of the food here has made me sick."

Tammy smoothed her daughter's hair, "Alright, Angel. You go on out to the car and I'll be there in a moment." Amy stomped her foot, "Now Mother. I want to leave now!" She screwed up her face and gagged. Instantly, her mother swung her up in her arms. "Calm down baby. Just relax. We're leaving." She gently forced her daughter's head down onto her shoulder, completely missing the look of triumph on Amy's face before she snuggled into her mother's neck.

Tammy turned to Marc. "Bring the rest of the stuff and get Terry. We need to leave now." Without another word, she left the house. Roy and Jo exchanged uncomfortable glances then Roy looked back down at his still weeping daughter. "Now young lady you apologize to everyone else for your actions and then get off to your room." Jenny did as told, her gaze still on the floor. As she passed Marco and Mike they could plainly hear her say, "But Amy had no right to call Uncle Johnny those names. He's not stupid and he's not dumb. Why am I the one in trouble?"

Roy sighed heavily and looked at his fellow shiftmates. "Look, I'm really sorry."

Cap shrugged and gave a somewhat forced smile, "Don't worry about it Roy. They're only kids." The others made like comments as they shifted uncomfortably.

Roy gave a faint nod as he recalled the words Amy had spouted. With a sigh, he began, "Gage, I want to. . ." He paused looking around. _I could've sworn he was right here when I grabbed Jenny. Now where'd he go?_ But Johnny was gone; a quick check of the street showed the space where he'd left his Rover was empty.

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	10. Chapter 10

I have been getting great feedback and love it! Jrallfan, I still think you've been peeking at my notes. Your ideas are close but not exact! Since I don't have any tests this week and the feedback has been so good, I'm posting another chapter. Part of this one has been done for a while, it just needed bridge scenes. It's a long one also.

There is a lot of stuff happening in this one so i hope you enjoy it. Other people are becoming aware of what is happening. Remember, it's now only been not quite two weeks since the accident.

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Johnny had bolted from the DeSoto's living room as fast as he had run any 440 in track and didn't stop until he flung himself into his Rover. Once there, he cranked the engine, threw it in gear and left the area barely under the speed limit. He maintained that until he skidded to a halt in his own driveway. There, he turned the engine off and threw the keys to the floorboard. He wrapped his arms around the steering wheel and dropped his head onto them. Muffled sobs came from his buried face as his mind cruelly recalled all the slights he'd endured over the last two hours.

He hurt all over with a mind numbing agony. He had forgotten how cruel even well-meaning people's comments could be; he hadn't had to face them in so long he'd forgotten this pain. Today had reopened all those old insecurities.

The whinny of a horse drew him and he left the Rover, not even closing the door behind him. With the gracefulness and speed of the track star he'd once been, Johnny leapt the broken fence and crossed the field into the horse pasture, whistling a call as he went. Tate's ears went up at the call and the gelding willingly trotted toward his friend.

As Tate came close, Johnny planted his hands into the horse's mane and flung himself up on his back, neither one ever breaking stride. He pushed his left heel into Tate's side and the animal willingly turned that direction. Johnny held his body lower over Tate's back as he felt Tate pick up speed and the muscles beneath him bunched up. Then they released and both horse and rider where airborne for several heartbeats as they flew over the fence and raced out beyond. Tezi, barking wildly, ran after them.

Johnny could feel the warmth of the body beneath him, the chill of the rushing wind on his wet face but neither stopped the deep ache in his heart. Again just using his heels, he directed where he wanted the gelding to go.

There, ahead, the drop-off.

Was it deep enough? He'd estimated it at about 20-30 ft. There would be a moment's feeling of flying then perhaps another moment of pain and then it would all be over. He'd take his beloved Tate with him and they would ride forever like the stories his grandfather had told him. The area was so secluded it would be days before they were found by anyone. He wouldn't really be missed by anybody; at least not for long. He wasn't important enough to anyone for that. He closed his eyes as he pulled himself closer to Tate's neck, horse and rider becoming one as they ran, Johnny's breath strangling in his throat from the sobs he wouldn't let free.

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Marco pulled his car into Johnny's driveway and glanced over at Mike sitting in the seat next to him. "We're here." He said. Mike nodded, "I see." The two men climbed out of the car, shutting the doors as they approached the Rover. Both stood there silently looking at the opened door and the keys lying on the floorboard. Mike picked up the keys, nervousness making him talkative. "Johnny must really be upset. He'd never leave the door open and the keys like this. He loves this old beat-up truck too much."

Marco nodded as he looked around. "I wonder where he is? I don't see him." The sound of another car brought their heads around and the two watched as Chet's van pulled up. Chet grinned at them as he exited but his eyes stayed serious. "Hey guys. I guess we all had the same thought?"

Marco nodded, "Yeah. Cap would've come too but he stayed to help Roy clean up." Chet nodded.

The party at the DeSoto's had broken up soon after the display by Amy Kent, each family making various excuses before gathering their belongings and leaving. Marco had followed Mike home and the two had sat in Mike's living room, discussing what had happened today.

"Mike, didn't you say Dwyer said that Johnny slammed into a pole when he tried to break up that fight at the parade?" Becky had asked as she brought sodas in for both men and joined her husband on the couch. Mike nodded but Marco perked up, "What? When was this?" Mike explained how Dwyer and his cop friend had told him about the drunken brawl after the parade's end and how Gage had to take one of the men in to Rampart as well as to get himself checked.

Marco shook his head and gave a faint chuckle. "Only Gage, man, only Gage." Mike agreed as he sipped his drink. Becky eyed the two for a moment then said, "Johnny was pretty upset over what happened today, top that off with a head injury . . ." She sighed as she took a long drink. Over her soda can, she watched her words impact the two. "Head injury . . ." Mike repeated as he frowned.

Marco, too, was frowning, "He was awful quiet today . . ."

Becky nearly rolled her eyes in exasperation as she pushed harder. "Maybe someone should check on him, you know, just to make sure he's ok."

Mike straighten up, "Yeah. Yeah, maybe someone should."

Marco frowned deeper, "I don't know. Gage doesn't like feeling like he's being mothered."

Becky made a scoffing noise, "That's nonsense. Right now Johnny needs to know that more than anything else he _does_ have real friends; people who _do _care about him and his feelings and will support him through all this." She took another drink, seeing that both men were close to doing what she wanted. They only needed a little more . . .

"Besides, didn't he say something last week about needing to repair some fence or something or other?"

Mike nodded as Marco's face brightened, "Hey! We can just tell him we came by to . . .to help him mend that fence!"

Mike grinned, "And he said he'd need a hand to move those water troughs too." Both men stood and Mike leaned down to give his wife a kiss. "Bye dear, don't wait up; I don't know how late we'll be. Marco and I are going over to help Johnny out with some stuff around his ranch." She smiled up at him then watched the two leave. As soon as the door closed, she heaved a big sigh and closed her eyes, "Men!" She groused, "Sometimes they need to be hit head on with a clue bus!!"

Chet tapping the keys still in Mike's hand brought his attention back to the here and now. Chet looked into the still open door to the Rover. "So, where is he?"

Mike shrugged as Marco quickly caught Chet up. "His horse is gone." Mike's voice startle both men and they followed his gaze out to the pasture.

"You're right. He must be out riding." Marco acknowledged.

"Yeah, he said riding helps clear his head." The other two nodded, having heard the younger paramedic make that same comment themselves. "Well, let's get busy." Mike told them as he shut the Rover's door and started for the barn for the supplies they would need. Before long, they had the fence mended, the troughs moved and had made several other minor repairs they could find but still no Johnny. Marco joined Mike where he stood looking off over the fields. "I wonder where he is?"

Mike shook his head, "I hope he's ok." He murmured. The sound of yet another car approaching pulled their attention back toward the barn. Marco recognized his family's car and headed toward it, "Momma? What are you doing out here? I thought you had that . . .church thing?"

Adelina Lopez made a dismissive motion with one hand, "That's long over. I came here to take care of my boy." Mike looked at Marco with a frown but his friend shook his head, "Not me."

Adelina 'tic'ed, "No of course not him. I mean my Juanito." She reached back into her car and started pulling out packages which she began loading the two men up with. "The poor Niño . . . the things that horrid woman told him. I never thought he'd have to deal with that again, not here, not now. I can't believe some people!" Then she lost her English and continued her tirade in Spanish. Mike gave Marco a puzzled look but he just shook his head and muttered, "You don't want to know." Then he gasped, his eyes wide as he exclaimed, "MOMMA!" She pulled her head out of the car and faced her son, her cheeks a bright red. "I'm sorry mi hijo. May the Blessed Virgin forgive my evil tongue but it just breaks my heart that he has to go through all this again."

"How did she find out?" Mike asked bemused. Marco rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders.

Adelina headed toward the house and the two firemen followed her. Chet met them at the door, his smile of greeting widening at the delightful smells accompanying his shiftmates. "Oh good! I'm starving."

She shook a finger in front of the Irishman's face as she scolded, "Not a thing until Juanito has something." She looked around, "Where is he?"

Mike placed the packages on the table with Chet's help as Marco quickly explained. "And we've been here four hours now and there's been no sign of him."

Worry filled her eyes as she looked around the room. Her attention was drawn to the mantel and she walked toward it. Seeing the frames all face down she turned one over, then sighed heavily at the happy scene of a DeSoto birthday, "Oh, Juanito." Tears filled her eyes as she closed them and gave a heart-felt prayer for her hurting heart child.

Darkness was closing in and Adelina had finally but reluctantly gave in to Chet's pathetic begging. Mike and Marco glared at him so Chet took his full plate and headed out onto the porch. While he munched through a tasty tamale, he heard a horse's whinny. He stared for several long moments then called out, "Hey guys? You might want to come out here."

Instantly Marco, Mike and Adelina joined him on the porch. "What is it? What do you see?" They asked. Chet pointed to the hill off to the left which the setting sun had lit.

"Isn't that Gage's horse?"

Marco squinted his eyes as Mike nodded, "It looks like it."

"But I don't see any rider!" Marco added, "Where's Johnny?" The men exchanged worried glances then as one rushed off the porch and headed toward the animal. As they approached, they slowed, not wanting to panic it. Closer now, they could see no sign of tack on the horse, no saddle, no bridle, not even a blanket on it's back. More panicked glances were exchanged. Where was Johnny? Had he fallen off somewhere? They turned their eyes toward the hills. It was getting dark; there would be no chance to find him out there tonight. A rescue would have to wait until morning. Would morning be too late?

A soft voice startled them from these thoughts, "What're you guys doing here?" Johnny moved from the horse's side to his head where Tate nuzzled him as the paramedic looked from one of his shiftmates to the other, his gaze bewildered. Relief flooded the men and as one, they reached for him, pulling him into a hug, slapping him on the back, grabbing his shoulders and holding them tight.

"We were worried sick!"

"Where've ya been Gage! We've been waiting on ya for hours!"

"Are you alright?"

"Mi hijo, you look tired! Come inside." Adelina put her sturdy arms around the slender waist and pulled him. Johnny bulked, looking back at Tate. "Tate . . ." He started.

"Will be taken care off, right Marco?" She finished. Marco, still grinning broadly nodded, "Of course!" Johnny still bulked. "He'll need to be rubbed down really well. I . . .I kinda ran him hard. And he'll need . .." Now Mike interrupted, "We know what to do. You've taught us well, remember?"

Johnny gave him a tired grin and allowed Adelina to pull him closer and move toward the house. Chet made to follow but Marco grabbed his arm. "No Chet. You come help us. Momma has things well in hand."

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Johnny rolled over and looked at the alarm clock. It was still an hour before it was due to go off. He canceled the alarm and laid back into his pillows as thoughts of the previous night filled him. _I can't believe they were worried about me_. He smiled faintly as he thought of the enthusiastic greeting he'd received. _And the work they did, and I didn't even ask them_. _And to think just a few hours before I_ . . . He shuddered as he recalled what he'd almost done.

He'd confessed that to Adelina—she had pushed him, seeing something in his eyes and wouldn't give up until he gave in. First, she'd scolded him for thinking such foolish thoughts, then she'd held him tightly, her tears joining his as he let himself really cry out his pain. For a few moments, he was once more a little confused and lost boy finding comfort in her motherly arms. After the three came back into the house, and Johnny had showered, removing all traces of both his hard ride and his emotional outburst, they had settled down to feast on the meal Adelina had provided. Johnny had eaten more than he had earlier, lulled by the familiar friendly bantering going around the table.

He lifted the sheet and looked down at himself, seeing he was still in the t-shirt he'd put on after his shower but his jeans, socks and shoes were removed. He remembered sitting in the living room, sharing a beer with his friends as Adelina embarrassed both him and Marco with stories from their youth. Chet had left earlier since he was working overtime the next day so Johnny knew the tales wouldn't come back to haunt him.

_ I guess I fell asleep. I wonder who put me to bed?_ A faint recollection of Mike's soft voice along with Adelina's came back to him.

"He's exhausted." Came Adelina's voice in his memory.

"He hasn't been sleeping well. And after today, well, who wouldn't be?" He remembered Mike's voice had vibrated near him. He was being lifted, held in sturdy arms and carried.

"I'll just turn down the sheets. Thanks Michael. I can get it from here."

"You sure?"

A deep chuckle, "I'm sure. I've done this many times. Even for this one." A coolness on his lower signaled the removal of his clothes. Then covers were being smoothed over his body, a gentle hand caressed his face and hair. A kiss on his forehead. "Sleep, mi hijo, dream easy and never forget child, of my heart, you _are_ loved." It was the same ritual he'd heard many times and as it had then, it made him feel safe and loved.

When he realized Momma Lopez had been the one to undress him he blushed, then he smiled softly at the warm feeling that filled him.

Then he sighed, realizing that he had to get up and face another day at the station. With grim determination, he rose, dressed and saw to his morning chores. Another shower, change of clothes, a quick cup of coffee and he was on the road.

He arrived at the station just behind Mike. As he pulled the Rover into 'his' spot, he saw Mike waiting for him by the kitchen door.

Mike watched as Johnny walked toward him, noting a slight limp. _Dwyer said he hit his hip pretty hard when they tossed him over that bleacher._ He could see more bruises now visible on the paramedic's arms and one down his jaw. _Hope today is easy on him. I can't get over how light he was! He can't weigh more than 150 at the most! At least we got some food into him last night. _ He smiled as the paramedic got closer and saw the look of wariness disappear from those brown eyes. "How you feeling this morning, Johnny?" he asked as the two crossed the threshold.

"Not too bad. I slept pretty good last night." Johnny hesitated then turned toward the engineer, his cheeks stained pink. "Uhhh, Mike, about last night, uhhh."

Mike shook his head, "You were exhausted. We all knew it. As far as any one else is concerned, I'm mute."

Johnny looked up, relief evident on his face and Mike just couldn't help but tease, "Of course though, I might have to be bribed not to remember some of those stories." He glanced slyly at the blushing man from the corner of his eye. "Really Gage, a honey bear?"

"Wait! Now Mike . . . Mike, Stoker!" Johnny's voice followed the engineer as he hurried into the locker room.

Before long, everyone was dressed and regrouped in the kitchen guzzling coffee and inhaling the treats sent in by Maggie Stanley. Johnny stood in his usual place by the sink, one hand catching the crumbs from the piece of pumpkin bread he'd just bitten into. He chewed happily and eagerly took another, bigger bite. _Mmmmmmm, good! Moist and heavy, just like my aunt used to make! _ He thought as he closed his eyes in pleasure.

The youngest shiftmember was totally unaware his captain watched him closely from under the cover of reading the paper. _Well, he's eating it and looking like he's enjoying it_. He shook his head and gave a quiet chuckle. _Maggie was right, again. I remember the first time she heard about 'us Americans eating pig food' and was horrified until she'd tried some pumpkin bread that Thanksgiving. Then when she found out it was one of Johnny's favorite snacks, well,. . ._ A dark frown covered his face and he snapped his paper angrily. _After that fiasco at Roy's she wanted to do something for him._

"Great spread, Cap. Maggie must have been baking all weekend." Marco spoke around the coffee cake in his mouth. Cap grinned, "Not quite all weekend. But you know, when she gets into a baking mood . . ."

"I love her baking moods!" Chet exclaimed. Around the table the others agreed. Cap watched as Johnny polished off the remainder of his piece then carefully ate even the last crumb. He smiled as he thought about the whole loaf, carefully wrapped in wax paper and foil wrap, he'd placed in the young paramedic's locker. _It will be all yours pal, eat it in good health. _

Johnny was just finishing off his coffee when Roy stepped up to get a refill on his own cup. Johnny moved out of the way, his dark eyes watching his partner. Suddenly Roy stopped, a frown covered his face as he put the cup on the counter and grabbed Johnny's chin. Johnny couldn't stop the wince as Roy forced his head up, then sideways. Then his left arm was grabbed and inspected in a like manner.

"What happened to you?" Roy demanded, his blue eyes snapping in anger. Johnny pulled away, dropping his gaze to the floor. "I fell." He muttered then shrugged. "It's nothing."

"You fell. What were you doing? Out racing your horse? Or hiking up some mountain?" Roy crossed his arms, "Gage, you have to be more responsible. Getting hurt off duty will detract from your ability to work on duty."

"Gee Gage. Still a disaster magnet." Chet's eyes twinkled as he started in on his favorite hobby—bugging his pigeon. "Usually you 'fall' for some girl, then get 'dumped'. So tell us, what did you 'fall' for this time." He chuckled and was joined by Kent and Roy.

"That's right! Gage can barely walk and talk at the same time without falling." Roy chuckled, "I've seen him nearly break his neck because he was watching some girl and not watching where he was going." He walked past Kent who stood and placed his cup into the sink. He slapped Johnny hard on the back, nearly toppling the younger man over. "Careful there, Gage. Don't 'fall!' " Still chuckling the two left the room, and began pulling the instruments for morning calibrations.

Johnny remained where he was, head down.

Marco watched him a second longer then his eyes caught on Cap's. Cap gave a quick nod toward the back and Marco stood, understanding the message. "Come on Chet, those hoses won't clean themselves." He drug his protesting friend out of the kitchen.

After several minutes, Cap rose and moved toward his youngest crewmember. "John. Are you alright?"

Johnny didn't raise his head but he did nod. Cap sighed, "John, I read the report. I know you got tossed around at the parade. Brackett said mild concussion, bruised hip, bruised ribs, lacerations and abrasions down your thigh and your arm."

Johnny's head came up at that and Cap was pleased to see a flash of anger. _Good! Emotion! _ He thought.

"If you read the report then you also know Brackett cleared me for duty. I'm fine, just a little sore." Johnny stated with more conviction than his boss had heard in a week. Cap maintained a straight face as he gave a nod, "Alright, Gage. I'll trust in your judgment." Then, his tone stern, he warned, "But if you have any problems later, I also trust you'll let me know."

Solemnly Johnny nodded and sighed. Cap turned on his heel and left the room. Mike rinsed his cup out in the sink, then left it there. Turning to his dark haired friend, he began, "Johnny . . ." , but stopped when Johnny just gave a soft, "Don't" and a raised hand.

Silently, Johnny finished his coffee and went to join the other two paramedics. Mike gave a sigh of his own as he set about tidying up the kitchen. _And everything was going so well_. He mused_. Maybe I can help. I'll fix my spaghetti today; I know how much Johnny loves that._ That decided, Mike began checking the cabinets and fridge to see what was on hand and what was needed. Just as he finished his list, tones dropped.

"Station 51 MVA 1299 East Alondra Boulevard 1—2—9—9—East Alondra Blvd. Cross street Gardena Blvd. Time out 9:32"

The accident involved three vehicles—a red truck, a small orange compact car and a blue sedan. The front of the truck was embedded into the passenger side of the sedan while the compact had been pushed by the sedan into a dangerously titled light pole. Two black and white police cars were already on scene. One officer directed traffic while the other two were stationed at the crumple cars. The fourth trotted toward the engine and Cap recognized Jasper Singleton. "We've got multiple victims here Cap." Jasper said, "One DOA and another that doesn't look good. The truck ran the light and hit the other two. Driver of the compact is the DOA. There were three people in the truck but nothing serious. The sedan has a woman and two kids."

Roy nodded, "I'll take the passenger since they're the worse. Gage,take the sedan. Chet, Marco you'd better go with him." With those curt words, Roy trotted off, Kent at his side. Cap clenched his jaw briefly at Roy's assumption of authority then nodded to his men as he raised the HT and requested another squad and three additional ambulances. "Mike prime a reel for a wash down." He himself popped the hoods on each vehicle and pull the battery cables. Chet and Marco exchanged glances before following Johnny, grabbing equipment from his over burdened hands as they did. Johnny looked at both of them then at the other cars. He could see three teenagers standing near the totaled truck, all three showing signs of cuts and bruises; one girl clutched her arm protectively. "Chet, why don't you stay with me, and Marco you go see how those kids are. Looks like the one might have a broken arm." Marco grinned, "You got it, Johnny." Then he left.

Johnny immediately turned his full attention to the car, seeing a middle-aged woman unconscious over the steering wheel and two frightened screaming girls in the back. He reached through the open window, taking the woman's carotid as he gave the girls a smile. Next he pulled open the driver's door and did a fast assessment on the woman while watching the children. "Hello there! My name is Johnny. I'm gonna help you out here! Are you hurt anywhere?"

The older girl who had heavily lashed big brown eyes blinked a few times as she stopped screaming and began focusing on what the man in front of her was doing. Finally in a small voice she asked, "Is my mommy dead?"

Johnny smiled gently at the little girls, "No honey. She is hurt but I'm here to help take her to the hospital where they can make her better." He faced Chet as he pulled backward out of the way. "Her seat's shifted forward, jamming her in there pretty good but she's stable. We'll need to get the girls out, then move her seat back." Chet nodded, taking Johnny's place with the mother while Johnny popped open the back door and sat on the frame as he reached for the girls. "Do you hurt anywhere, sweetheart?"

"My name is Stacy." The diminutive brunette informed him, holding up the appropriate number of fingers. "I'm gonna be 7 and that's my sister Mary. She's 5. Are you a policeman?"

Johnny smiled again, "Nope, I'm a fireman. But I also fix owies."

Stacy nodded seriously, "Good 'cause my belly hurts." Johnny kept the tightening he felt in his guts from his face as he leaned closer. "Can you show me exactly where, Stacy?"

She nodded and pointed to where the seatbelt had cinched tightly around her body. Johnny quickly released the belt then gently felt along the area. He turned back toward Chet who stood with the HT ready to relate vitals to Roy who had the biophone. "Bruised at least but could be some internal bleeding. Hand me the pediatric BP cuff." Chet did as requested and relayed everything back to Cap who handled the biophone call. Johnny looked over at the now silent Mary and asked, "How 'bout you precious? Are you hurt?"

The blue-eyed redhead nodded, her body still shuttering in after sobs. "Where?" he asked softly. She pointed at her mouth and he looked closer, seeing a small amount of blood on her mouth. Again his stomach clinched but he remained calm. Gently he felt around her mouth and nearly blew out a sign of relief to find the bitten lip. He pulled a 4x4 out of the box and placed it carefully against her mouth. "Can you hold that right here for a minute? I know it hurts sweetheart, we'll get it taken care of soon."

"Hey! I'm sweetheart, she's precious, Johnny!" Stacy protested. Chet guffed and Johnny smiled. "Ok, Sweetheart." He turned back to the tiny child, "Hold that, precious, while I get some information on you just like I did your sister, OK?"

She nodded and he relayed her vitals to Chet, grateful she appeared unhurt except for the bitten lip. Chet gave him Rampart's instruction and soon both girls were removed from the car and taken to the waiting ambulance. The newly arrived paramedics from 45 took over their care as Johnny concentrated once more on extricating the mother.

Both men struggled with the seat for several minutes then finally it moved slowly backward. As Johnny crouched next to the mother, Roy trotted up beside him. The younger paramedic glanced up into his partner's frowning face while he placed the BP cuff around her arm.

"I would have thought you would have done vitals already. I've got my patients packaged and ready to transport. You need to move faster, Gage, lives depend on it." Johnny merely nodded as he took the BP. As the cuff deflated Roy asked, "What was it?"

"110/78." Johnny replied as he laid his hand on her abdomen.

"Looks like she's getting shocky. You'd better get permission for an IV quick."

Johnny bit his inner cheek but dutifully nodded his head as he counted respirations. Roy looked from the waiting ambulance to his partner and back again. "I've got to transport. Here's the biophone." He hesitated again as Chet took the instrument from him and flipped it open. "You sure you can handle this?"

Johnny paused in his care and pinned Roy with an exacting gaze. "Yes Roy. I am sure." He then turned from his partner and told Chet. "BP 110/78, pulse 90, respiration 10 and shallow." Chet nodded. Suddenly the woman came too, her eyes wide as she screamed, "That car! That car is going to hit us! My babies!"

"Calm down, calm down," Johnny soothed the woman. "Your girls are awright. They're already on their way to the hospital. My name is Johnny; I'm a paramedic. Now, let me see to you, awright? Then we'll get you in an ambulance too."

Her frantic gaze fastened on the dark haired paramedic, "I didn't even see it. I only looked away for a second! Just one second! The girls, they were fighting and when I looked back up we were spinning."

Johnny heard Roy give a soft "hmmmph." as he walked away but Johnny ignored it as he continued talking in a soothing tone while cleaning the cuts on her face.

"Watch that pole, it could fall any time." Roy's voice cut through Johnny's concentration. Johnny glanced upward.

"You hear?"

He sighed but kept his voice even, "I heard. I'm watching it." He took the light from his belt pouch and flicked it into the woman's left eye. Behind him, he could hear the ambulance pulling away, sirens wailing.

"I just looked into the mirror for a second! Just a second," she cried. "The kids were fighting and I just looked back at them."

"I know, I know. It's awright. Now just relax." Johnny soothed as he examined the right eye then palpitated the bruised cheek gently. "Did you hit the steering wheel here?"

"umm, I guess. I don't know. It all happened so fast." The woman twisted her face away again, trying to look behind her. "Mary? Stacy? Are you alright? Why can't I hear them!"

Johnny gently placed hands on either side of the woman's face, preventing her from turning as he calmly replied. "They're fine. They're fine. We've already removed them from the car. They're being treated. Now I need you to calm down." He turned to Chet who stood waiting with the biophone. He relayed the additional information he'd taken to the firefighter, adding "Left pupil is reactive but sluggish, right pupil is dilated." Chet nodded and relayed the information back to the doctors. Mike knelt next to him, saying, "Ambulance just got here." as he handed over a c collar which Johnny immediately placed around the woman's neck. She tried to pull away from him, her voice filled with fear as she exclaimed, "What are you doing? What is that?"

"Calm down. This is just protection for your neck. It will make sure your neck doesn't get moved until the doctor can examine you. It's just a precaution. Then we will use this board to make sure your back is supported when we get you out of here, OK?" Johnny showed her the backboard and smiled reassuringly at her. She in turn gave him a weak smile and murmured, "O. . . ok. If you say so."

Johnny smiled again as he quickly established the ordered IV. Then he nodded to Mike who helped him secure the woman and lift her out. As they carried her away and placed her onto the stretcher the tilted light pole creaked loudly then fell with a resounding crash. Johnny looked around, relieved that his victim was the last to be extricated. He jumped into the ambulance with her and soon they were speeding toward Rampart.

Dixie looked up as another stretcher came down the hall, Johnny pacing it as one hand held a IV bag high and the other rested on the victim's shoulder while he talked to her. He looked up at Dixie who called out, "Treatment 3." Johnny nodded and disappeared through the door with his charge. Dixie continued the calls she needed to make and then moved around her desk on her way to the treatment rooms.

A deep voice called out to her, halting her direction. She smiled up at the short muscular figure swaggering toward her. "Singleton, what are you doing in my hospital?" She demanded, her hands on her hips in mock anger but her eyes twinkled.

Jasper Singleton grinned at her then ducked his head, "Why shucks Miss Dixie," he drawled in a heavily faked southern accent. "Mah weeks just plum borin' ifen Ah caint see yur purty face 'lest once."

She swatted his arm as he stopped next to her and his grin widened. "Flatterer." She groused. He nodded, "Yeap. Always."

Then, his face a little more serious, he continued, "No, really, why I'm here is because I'm following up on the accident with the mother and two kids."

Dixie nodded, "yes, Johnny just brought her in. The Doctor is with her now, I'll let him know you're here when he comes out."

Jasper nodded and leaned on her desk as he shook his head. "Man, I hate accidents with kids. I'm sure glad Johnny took care of them. He's so good in those situations."

Dixie nodded, agreeing with the officer. "What happened?" Jasper grimaced, "well according to the teens in the truck, they didn't see the light change and hit the couple in the sedan which pushed it into the compact with the kids. It spun out of control and hit a light pole. Damn thing came crashing down right after Johnny got the mother free."

Dixie winced in sympathy then gave a knowing nod. "Speeding huh." Jasper nodded, "Speedometer stuck at 90 from the crash. Wasn't a thing the poor woman or the fella in the sedan could've done to avoid the impact." He shook his head as he thought back to the dead driver of the sedan, "Poor bugger never had a chance. Hope his wife pulls through."

Dixie nodded, "They took her up to surgery but I'd say her chances are good." Jasper smiled. "That's good to hear. And the kids?  
Dixie smiled as she remembered the delightful talkative brunette who had told her all about her new friend Fireman Johnny who fixed her owie. "You mean Sweetheart and Precious? Nothing major, some cuts and bruises. We'll keep them for observation until we can get a hold of relatives but I'd say they too will be fine."

Jasper laughed, he'd been close enough to hear the medic dealing with the two precocious girls and shared in the amusement. Then his tone became serious again as he asked, "Hey. What's up with DeSoto? He getting ready for the Captain's exam or something?"

Dixie looked puzzled, "No. Not that I know of. Why?"

Jasper shook his head, "I wondered. It's just that usually the on scene captain is the one who controls the scene but I swear I heard DeSoto giving all the orders to the whole crew. He even told Gage what to do and where to go. A couple of my buddies noticed it at other accidents they'd responded to with 51's and asked me." Jasper gave a sigh, then smacked the desk top as he stood. "Well I need some coffee. I'll be around the corner when the doc comes out." He grinned at the nurse and winked before turning and sauntering off toward the lounge.

Dixie watched him go, her mind on what she just heard and what she'd been noticing. Another voice startled her and she turned to face Roy.

"You all right there Dixie? You looked a little lost for a minute." He asked. Dix gave him a smile. "Just talking to Jasper Singleton."

Roy gave a burst of laughter, "That motor mouth? If they ever develop a governor for mouths he should be the first outfitted for one."

Dix chuckled. "He was just telling me about the accident you just came from."

Roy frowned, "yeah that. Bad scene."

Dix nodded, knowing Roy had brought in the passenger of the sedan.

"And to think all of that mess could have been avoided if the people had just been paying attention." He grumbled. Dixie looked up, confused over Roy's words versus what Jasper had just told her. But all she got out was, "Oh?" before Roy leaned forward, eager to expound on his theory.

"Yes. See, the kids weren't paying attention to the light because they were singing along with the radio. But if the sedan had been watching for cross traffic, he could have stopped before the truck hit him. And the woman in the compact, well, she said herself that she wasn't looking, that she was distracted by her kids fighting in the backseat."

Dixie nodded, "I see your point but . . ."

Roy smiled at Dix. "That's what I mean. If you are aware of your surroundings you can prevent things like that."

Dix looked confused, "I suppose, but accidents still happen, Roy."

Roy shook his head, "Then they aren't really unexpected accidents. If you are watching and aware, when something happens, you might be able to stop it. Really bad accidents only happen when people aren't thinking or are oblivious of what's going on around them."

Dixie shuffled the papers in front of her. "Well, I can see your point and I suppose in some cases, you're right." She conceded.

Roy grinned triumphantly, "Of course I'm right. It's people's inattention that causes most accidents in the first place. And we, as trained professionals, must be more diligent then others on this,"

A faint noise from the hall before her caught Dixie's attention and she looked up, straight into the face of John Gage. Roy too, glanced over his shoulder before adding, "Perhaps we should teach more attentiveness to your surroundings to the trainees. And I believe some _others_ could use a refresher course. Then there will be less accidents."

Dixie's eyes widened slightly as she watched that well aimed barb slam home. Johnny blinked a few times and took a quick breath but then his face fell into the nonchalant continence she'd seen him wear for the last week. He walked up to the desk, paused saying, "Brackett says the mother will be fine in a few weeks. I'll be in the squad." Then with a faint nod toward Dixie, he left.

Dixie watched him go while Roy gathered the waiting supplies. "I'd better get out there before he touches something and either breaks it or himself." Roy stated. Any other time the head nurse would have laughed, knowing the comment was nothing but gentle teasing. However Roy's attitude lately toward his partner had been anything but teasing.

She watched him leave, snagging Kent as he came out of the lounge. A poignant look of painful contemplation came over the head nurse's face.

"What's up Dixie?" Came a deep voice near her. Dixie recognized it as belonging to Dr. Brackett.

"Yeah Dix. You look like you've just been told there's no such thing as paid vacations!" joked Dr. Early as he joined his colleagues.

She just sadly shook her head, her gaze on the rapidly disappearing figures of Roy and Marc. The two doctors exchanged glances, sobering at the nurse's actions.

Dr. Early laid a gentle hand on her arm. "Dix?" The one word held a multitude of questions.

"Are you alright?" Dr. Brackett asked. Dixie dropped her gaze from the hall to the papers in front of her. "I'm alright, but I'm worried someone else isn't."

"Oh?"

She sighed then told the two doctors the strange conversation she'd just had with Jasper about Roy then Roy's conversation and his actions toward Johnny.. "His voice and face when he said it were . . .were." She paused shaking her head.

"Go on, they were . . .?" Dr. Early encouraged. She looked both of them in the eye so there could be no doubt on her sincerity. "They were down right cruel. And I have no doubt he meant them to be heard by Johnny."

The two doctors exchanged glances again. "And Johnny?"

Angry now, she turned and shuffled the files before her with more force then needed. "Oh, Johnny heard. And understood perfectly. He tried to mask it but I could tell." She whirled back around, her back to the desk and her gaze on the doctors. "This isn't the first time either. Before, I thought Roy was just a little peeved over some idea or rant of Johnny's and was giving him a hard time. But in light of today . . .Kel this has been going on for over a week now."

Kelly Brackett frowned.

"So since Jenny's accident?" Dr. Early guessed. Realization dawned on both nurse and doctor. "Oh no, you don't think . . ."

"That Roy somehow blames Johnny for Jenny's accident? It certainly looks that way. And he wouldn't be the first father in history to hold someone else accountable either." Brackett finished, his mouth twitching as when confronted with something he didn't like. "Damn."

"But Johnny did all he could! Jenny's situation could have been much more serious if Johnny hadn't been there." Dixie protested. "Johnny was devastated over her being hurt. He loves that little girl as if she were his own flesh. Roy knows that."

All three knew what Dixie said was true but all three had also sensed some change in their star team. Dixie sighed heavily. "Oh poor Johnny." She murmured. Both doctors patted her arm before walking slowly away toward the lounge for a much needed cup of coffee.

"Do you think they can work past this?"

Dr. Brackett didn't need Joe to explain his question. Deep inside he was thinking the same thing.

"I certainly hope so, Joe. I'd hate to see the break up the best paramedic team I have."

Joe nodded, then added, "More importantly, I'd hate to see the end of one of the strongest friendships I've ever seen. Johnny really has no one else, you know. He really sees the DeSotos as more than his partner's family. They and the others on his shift are all he has. I'd hate to see what losing their support could do to him." Brackett sighed heavily, knowing Joe was right.


	11. Chapter 11

Well as many of you have been waiting for..Roy at least gets sideswiped by the cluebus. Don't worry, there will be a head on collision later!!! Again thanks for the continued feedback. It makes me so happy that this little tale is being read out there!!

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The men of A shift shared a subdued supper with no calls to interrupt. Both Cap and Mike exchanged pleased glances to see Johnny polish off a respectable amount of the spaghetti on his plate. Marco hid a satisfied grin with another bite of garlic bread. Roy and Kent, as was now usual, remained in their own world, talking about upcoming plans between the two families.

After supper, Cap took a cup of coffee and left for his office and the stack of paperwork there, Chet grabbed the TV guide and headed for the TV, Marco began the dishes while Roy and Marc remained in their chairs, still chatting over coffee.

Mike put the last of the dishes in the sink and bent closer to Marco. "You see where Johnny went?" Marco nodded toward the door leading to the outside. Mike nodded his thanks, grabbed two mugs filled with coffee and went out in search of his friend. Once his eyes became adjusted to the dark he could make out a shadowed figure sitting on the hood of the Rover. He walked up and without a word, handed Johnny one of the cups. Johnny gave the engineer a faint grin as he accepted the cup and drank. Mike looked up into the clouded sky and sighed, "I love LA, really, but sometimes I miss seeing the stars at night."

Johnny turned to face the engineer, surprised plain on his face. "Miss seeing . . .? But I thought you were from LA?"

Mike grinned at his friend. "Not originally. My family moved here when I was about 10. My dad's last duty was at the Naval Shipyards at Long Beach. When he retired, my parents bought a house in the area and stayed." He looked back up into the heavens and sighed. "But we were stationed in Hawaii at one point. The skies there are so clear, and the nights . . ."

Johnny nodded wistfully, "I understand completely. I've lived in some pretty remote areas myself." He gave a faint grin, "When there aren't so many lights around, the stars here are rather nice. Come out to my place some evening and you'll see." Relaxed and comfortable, the two finished off their coffee with no further conversation, just companionable silence.

"Light's out in ten" Cap's announcement startled the two and Johnny yawned widely before answering, "'Kay, Cap" He slid off his Rover and gave Mike a faint smile, "Thanks again, Stoker."

Mike grinned back at the younger man and slapped his shoulder as the two walked toward the door. "Any time, Gage, any time."

Before long, the evening routines were completed and seven weary firefighters headed toward their bunks. Johnny shuffled to his bed, yawning widely and tiredly rubbing his eyes. From under his eyelashes, Roy watched him, unsure of the conflicting feeling tumbling through him. At last, with a heavy sigh he rolled over onto his side. '_ I hope I can sleep without any dreams tonight,' _he thought. The dreams had been increasing in frequency and although he never remembered them fully on waking, each left him with a strange unease. The last two nights, however, bits and pieces had stuck, and he didn't like the disturbing images they left.

The peaceful silence of the night was shattered with the brilliancy of the overhead lights and the tones blaring.

"Station 51, structure fire, 23469 Nicolle Ave. 2-3-4-6-9 Nicolle Ave. Cross street Carriagedale. Time out 1:35"

Cap acknowledged the call, slipped one call sheet to Roy and ran over to hop into the engine. Johnny looked the address over and directed Roy. "Right, Roy. This is in one of those new subdivisions."

"Great." Roy grumbled. He knew many of those newer additions had winding streets and only one or two exit/entrances to main roads, making them difficult to maneuver through. However, Johnny's directions, as usual, were correct and before long they were pulling up to the street where a three story house with black smoke rolling from it sat. The squad slowed on the corner just long enough for Johnny to hop out, then proceeded to the burning structure. As soon as his feet hit the ground, Johnny was running over to the engine as lines were dropped for him.

The engine had barely finished rolling before Hank swung out and trotted over to where Vince stood with several people. "What we got?"

Vince gave a quick smile, "These are the Hansson's and this is their home. They say everyone is out and they believe the fire started in the laundry room on the first floor, possibly with the dryer." Cap nodded and turned back to his crew, noting Johnny had attached the line to the hydrant and was trotting toward where the squad was stopped. Mike was already at the gauges and Chet and Marco had their gear on and where pulling hose, anticipating his orders. Again he felt pride at how well his crew worked. '_A good crew, good men, everyone of them.'_

Roy jumped out of the squad, pulling on his gear but his eyes on the fire. "Chet! Marco!" He called, "Grab a . . . ."

"DeSoto!" his own name called in a harsh firm voice stopped Roy and he looked toward where Cap stood, hands on hips. Quickly he trotted forward. "What is it Cap? We gotta hurry, this . . ."

"DeSoto, take off your helmet and look at it." Hank demanded in a voice which brooked no argument. Roy did as told. "Now, your helmet has a 51 on the front in blue correct? And the paramedic patch on the side correct? Now look at mine." Roy did as asked each time, nodding his answer and totally confused. He looked up at his captain's helmet then met the dark eyes beneath the bill. "Mine has a white stripe, signifying _I'm the Captain_." He stressed these words and Roy's mouth gaped open. "Now enough of this nonsense; we have a job to do. You assist Marco on the two inch on the north side." He looked past the stunned paramedic to where his partner stood a few feet back.

John's face was red with embarrassment for his friend and Cap felt a moment's guilt at causing the younger man more emotional pain. He immediately shook it off; as he'd told DeSoto, he had a job to do. '_Don't look so worried, John. I do know what I'm doing. I just wish I knew more about what was up with your partner'._ He thought silently to the nervously shifting man. "John, you help Chet with the other 2 ½ on the south wall, Kent, pull gear in case we need it." He finished his orders and raised his HT to his face. "LA this is Engine 51 on scene. We have a fully involved three-story residence. Request a second alarm."

"10-4 51" came the response right before more tones sounded over the radios.

The two teams of firefighters fought the flames with everything they had as three more trucks rolled in. Immediately, Cap sent one team to work on protecting the neighboring structures while he positioned the others in beating back the fire bent on consuming the house.

Sudden screaming from near where the onlookers stood alerted Cap to a potential problem. He kept one eye on his men and another on Vince who quickly went to see what had happened then just as quickly ran back toward Hank.

"Hank, we have a problem. Seems Shelly, the Hansson's teen age girl might have run back into the house."

Cap stifled the urge to cuss and shouted out, "DeSoto! Gage!" Johnny turned at the sound of his name and saw his captain waving to him. He let Chet know he was leaving the hose and trotted to his captain as another fireman took his place assisting Chet. Roy joined him. "Cap?"

"Gear up. We have a teen age girl who we suspect has gone back into the house." Cap told them, glancing anxiously at the still furiously burning building.

"Any idea where?" Johnny asked as he checked his tank's air level.

Cap looked over to Vince who stepped forward. "The mother said she was worried about her homework. She said she had been working on it in the family room. Lower level, back left corner."

"In and out, boys. That second floor isn't going to take much more." Their captain warned them as both nodded, secured their helmets and trotted off into the flames.

Once inside, Johnny took the lead. This time, Roy let him, instantly remembering the younger fireman's uncanny ability with direction even in no visibility. Soon they were in a short hallway with three doorways. Johnny motioned toward the farthest, making sure he made eye contact with his partner and received acknowledgement before he proceeded. Roy made his way toward the middle one.

Roy felt the door, found it cool and carefully opened it. Inside was a large bathroom. A thorough but quick check proved it was empty. As he came back out into the hallway and glanced down the hall, through the murky smoke-filled air, Roy was surprised to see Johnny coming out of the room he'd checked.

A frown distorted Roy's face as he realized something was wrong with the younger man's posture. In a flash, he moved forward, now hearing Johnny's harsh coughing just as he saw the younger paramedic wasn't wearing his mask any longer. He grabbed the dark haired man's closest arm, and felt resistance as he tried to pull it over his shoulder. He glared at his partner.

"I found her, Roy." Johnny's choked off voice reached him as the other medic continued his hunched over stumble toward their exit. Roy now could see Johnny held something—or someone—in his arms, part of his coat draped around her to protect her from the burning heat and his mask pressed against her face. The senior paramedic gave a nod, moved his hand to one of support on Johnny's arm and together the two left. Johnny leading back the way they had come, Roy supporting him.

Once outside, Roy took the girl from Johnny's arms and ran with her toward Kent who had the O2 out and ready. Johnny made it a few more feet before he bent over, hands on his knees as he coughed harshly. His vision swam dizzily as he desperately tried to draw much needed oxygen into his soot and smoke coated lungs.

Suddenly his arms were grabbed from either side and he was being more dragged then led toward where Roy worked on the girl. A quick grateful glance to each side revealed Cap and Mike had him. 'Relax John, we've got you. Mike get the O2 from the engine." Mike nodded, trotting off to do just that as Cap lowered his still gasping youngest crewmember to the ground. When Johnny tried to move closer to Roy to help, a gentle but firm hand restrained him. "Relax, John. Roy has things well in hand. You did your part; you got her out." A nonrebreather mask was pushed onto his face and sweet oxygen flowed into his system. He took several breaths as deeply as he could, the coughs still shaking his slight body.

Roy glanced up as Cap 'helped' Johnny to the ground near them and placed the O2 on him. He could hear the rough coughs and wheezes even from where he sat. '_He took off his mask, he knows better that that._' Roy grumbled scornfully in his head. '_But we do that all the time when we have a victim that needs air immediately'_ Another voice reminded. '_Reckless and foolish, it'll serve him right if he has to stay at Rampart for smoke inhalation'_ he humphed. '_Caring and self-sacrificial' _came back the second voice_, 'he cares deeply for every victim he treats_.' the second voice seemed proud and got louder as it added, '_especially those he loves—right_?' Roy tuned out the argument as he concentrated on the girl before him but he couldn't help mostly siding with the second voice.

The girl was very petite, probably under 90 lbs with curly blonde hair. Most of that was frizzed and burnt on the right side and there were burns on her cheek and ear. her face was dark with soot and there was evidence of burns around her mouth and nose. Roy knew it was very likely she'd inhaled the heated air and knew they'd have to be very aware of swelling from burns in her airway. He finished assessing the girl and began breaking out the burn packs as Kent readied the biophone. "Get a BP for me," Roy ordered, "And careful of that arm, looks like she's got some burns there."

"She . . the carpet she . . .(cough, cough) was on was . . .on fire. (cough, cough,) Burning arm, her legs. . . .had to pat them out." Johnny's scratchy voice came. Roy glanced upward once and saw his partner leaning toward them, his gaze intent on the girl. "We have her; you just sit there and breathe." He told the other paramedic but unlike before, his voice was softer, holding some of the affection he used to speak with to the other man.

Too caught up in the adrenaline still pumping through his body and the worry over their young charge, Johnny only heard the reprimand. He moved closer, grabbing the BP cuff dangling from Kent's hand and applied it himself. He pulled the stethoscope from Kent's neck and placed it around his own. Although still wheezing and occasionally coughing, he never-the-less quickly and efficiently got a BP.

Kent backed off, calling Rampart as the two worked. "Rampart this is Rescue 51"

"51 we read you." Dr. Brackett's voice came on the line.

"Rampart, we have a female, unconscious at this time, age approximately 13, victim of a house fire. Hold for more information." Kent began and then handed the receiver to Roy. "Rampart, victim was trapped in a burning room. There are second and third degree burns on distal legs bi-laterally and on distal right arm. There is evidence of burning around the mouth and nose. We have her on high flow O2, respiration's 8 and labored. BP is . . ." He looked up to Kent who shrugged. Before Roy could question, Johnny's smoke lowered voice answered, "BP is 82/50, pulse 56 and rapid (cough, cough) Lung sounds (gasp) wheezing bilaterally, strider on the lower right."

Roy repeated this while staring at his partner as if seeing him for the first time. "Rampart we have placed sterile burns sheets on burns and treated. Be advised parents are on scene and have given permission to treat."

"10-4 51. Start an IV D5W and monitor vitals and respiration carefully. Be prepared to insert an airway if needed. Repeat vitals every 5 minutes and transport immediately."

"10-4, Rampart." Roy dropped the receiver and pointed a finger at Johnny who still knelt by the girl. "You, get back on that O2 or I'll call you in."

Johnny gave a faint nod and backed away, picked the mask back up and pressed it to his face.

Surprisingly Roy accompanied the girl to Rampart and insisted Johnny come with him. A little bewildered at this change of the routine he'd become used too, Kent cleaned up the area and readied to join them with the squad. Meanwhile Marco grinned broadly at Mike as he changed out his oxygen for a fresh bottle. "Maybe things are looking up?" He questioned. Mike nodded, "One can hope." Chet trotted over for a break, a broad smile on his face, "Did I just see Roy shoving Johnny into the back of an ambulance?" he crowed.

Marco grinned, "Yeap. Johnny ate quite a bit of smoke getting that girl out and Roy was actually acting concerned."

Chet sank wearily onto the running board of the engine. "'bout time." He sighed, "I was beginning to think Gage would have to nearly be dead before Roy ever noticed him again."

"Things aren't back to normal yet guys." Mike hated to be the one to put a damper on their happiness but his practical nature couldn't help it. "This could be just another phase of his being in control of everything."

Marco froze, his eyes wide with realization, "Dios! Stoker, you're right! That's exactly what Roy's been doing!"

Mike nodded, "Yeah. I figured it out after the picnic." He turned back to his gauges as he muttered under his breath, "I just wonder when it will be that Roy figures out what is making him so angry."  
The engine was still out as the squad pulled into the bay. Before Roy shut off the engine, he glanced over at his partners. Kent, for once was next to the door, his frowning face turned out the window. Johnny sat in the middle, his face now cleaned of the soot, a burn brand showing over one cheek where he'd revealed a piece of flaming wood had struck him. His eyes were closed and though he still wheezed, his breathing was better after the breathing treatments he'd been given. His body was slumped in exhausted sleep, the result of the downside of the adrenaline from the rescue leaving him. A cascade of conflicting emotions tumbled through him as he looked the younger man over.

Kent turned toward the sleeping man and elbowed him hard. "Move it Gage. You're sitting on my jacket edge." Startled out of the deep sleep, Johnny inhaled abruptly and began coughing again, but he moved his body off the other man. Roy pulled himself from the cab with a tired sigh. "I'm off to the shower then bed." he muttered. Kent came around the side and put his arm companionly over Roy's shoulders, "That sounds like a plan, man." He laughed.

Bone-weary and bleary eyed, Johnny watched them go, knowing it would be quite awhile before he'd get his turn. "Hope they leave some hot water," he mumbled as he debated remaining where he was leaning against the squad or trying to make it to the dayroom for the couch or just going to bed. Even as he struggled to make a decision, his head slumped forward and he was once more out.

When Mike carefully began backing in the engine, he suddenly let out an expletive and stopped, pulling the brake and hopping out. Alarm sent a rush of energy through Cap as he quickly left the other side and raced around the front of the engine to see what had alarmed the engineer. To his surprise, Mike supported a groggy Gage who was just struggling to his feet. With a sheepish grin at both the other men, the sleepy paramedic pushed himself away and weaved his way to the latrine.

"Mike?" Cap questioned. Mike faced his captain, amusement warring on his face with concern. "I saw him in the mirror. He was sitting on the floor, leaning against the squad. I didn't want to run over him."

Cap looked toward the lockers then back at his engineer who was headed back toward his seat. "Why was he out here anyway? The squad should have already been back for an hour."

"He said Kent and Roy called dibs on the shower and he guessed he fell asleep trying to decide whether to head to bed or wait for a shower." Mike climbed back up into the engine to finish parking as he heard his captain mutter something about 'twit'.

Before long, all seven men were back in their beds, the quiet only occasionally broken by a snore or a soft cough.

Breakfast over, Cap turned to Roy. "Roy I want you and your partner to take out the garbage before you leave." With that, he left the kitchen, leaving Roy alone. Roy looked around, noticing there was no one else in the kitchen. "Where is he?" he wondered, then another thought occurred to him and he grinned, "Which partner?" As he bundled the garbage in the trashcan near the door, he heard the obvious sound of the dumpster lid striking the side. Figuring whoever was to help him was already outside, Roy headed out. When he got there, he found several bags waiting but nobody around. Shrugging, Roy grabbed each bag up and heaved them in. Just as he tossed the last one in and grabbed the lid he heard a voice call, "Wait DeSoto. There is more."

"Brice!?" He wondered, "What is he doing here?" He turned as he heard the 'rule-book' paramedic's voice. Roy's eyes widened as he watched Brice approach him with what looked like a body dressed in a white t-shirt and red briefs slung in a firefighter's carry over his shoulder. His mouth dropped open in shock as Brice moved so that that same body slid off his shoulder and leaned lifelessly against the dumpster.

"No!" The strangled cry burst from his heart as he knelt quickly, his hand going to the neck of who he now saw was Johnny. The dark haired man's face was grey, his lips blue. Roy's heart skipped several beats as his hand touched too cool skin with no throbbing within. Rigor was already setting into the lanky limbs and the partially open eyes were dull and lifeless. Eerily, they reminded Roy of the look he'd shared with his partner at the picnic.

"Don't bother, DeSoto. He's dead. Cap found him this way about three hours ago in his bunk. It looks like he took more damage than what he told anyone at that fire. My guess is his throat swelled shut and he asphyxiated in his sleep. Not a bad way to go if you consider it, fairly painless." Brice shrugged, "That's why I'm here. Captain Stanley called me in to cover the rest of his shift."

Heartbroken, Roy moved his hand from that cool neck to cup Johnny's cheek, his fingers reaching upward to slide those eyes fully closed. "Oh junior, why didn't you tell me?", he moaned.

"Would you have listened? Besides, we all know Gage is notorious for downplaying his injuries. This is only what he deserves for not informing his superiors, correct?" Brice reached downward, grabbing Johnny's arms and chest, swinging him upward toward the open dumpster. Horrified, Roy grabbed Johnny's legs screaming, "What are you doing!? You can't do that! He's a person, a human being, you can't just throw him away like . . .like some sort of worn out part!"

Emotionless glasses covered eyes meet his as Brice blinked in obvious surprise. "Why not? You did." Brice's words struck Roy with all the subtlety of a Mac truck. He knew they were true. Brice blithely continued without pause. "When Gage failed to perform as you thought he should, you tossed him aside." Brice shrugged his shoulders. "Besides, it's practical. He has no relatives, no family who'd want to visit his grave. So why charge the county for an expensive funeral and grave when he'll not be mourned. Just send him off to the landfill with the other unwanted and disposable articles of our culture." Shock froze Roy stock still, but he kept a tight hand on Johnny's leg. Brice reached over and carefully pulled his hand free. "Besides, isn't he Indian? This way he'll merely be returning to his mother earth and nurturing the land and all that. I'd believe he'd think it rather fitting."

Roy could barely speak for the pain radiating from his heart and the horror of the callousness he was witnessing. "Why are you doing this to me?"

A hint of a smile touched Brice's lips as he shook his head, his voice held reproval as he spoke. "Don't blame me, DeSoto. I'm just the manifestation of reason brought forward by your own subconscious. Perhaps you should ask yourself why you've decided that John Gage's part in your life is no longer welcome. Then you'll have the answer on why you keep killing him in your dreams." With that said and a mighty heave, the perfect paramedic tossed his burden in with the garbage. Roy watched as Johnny's limp body slid downward, disappearing all except one hand which hung lifeless over the edge.

Inhaling sharply with a gasp, his body spasming as his eyes flew up, Roy awoke. He blinked into the darkness and placed his hand over his pounding heart. '_Oh God, a dream; another damn dream'._ But this time, he remembered it. With fearful eyes he looked around, noting his watch read 4:45. His gaze immediately went to the bunk opposite his, his eyes adjusted to the dark enough to barely make out a figure there, one hand hanging eerily familiarly over the edge nearly on the floor. Instantly he was on his feet standing over the figure, terrified of what he'd find.

Black hair, not brown, rested on the pillow and a name came unbidden to his lips but remained trapped in his throat. Still needing reassurance from the vivid dream, he rested a shaking hand on the younger man, feeling his chest expand and contract with his soft breaths, feeling it shake as Johnny coughed softly in his sleep. He could see the pulse beating in Johnny's angled neck and found himself suddenly filled with both relief and self doubt.

For just an instant, it appeared he could see the soot covered face struggling to breathe then the one turned grey with death superimposed on Johnny's sleeping face.

Suddenly Johnny inhaled deeper, triggering more coughs. Roy found himself patting his chest and was surprised when sleepy brown eyes opened.

"Roy?" a groggy voice gravelly from smoke asked.

Roy grinned faintly, "You're alright John, just go back to sleep."

"Kay." he muttered as his eyes shifted closed again. For one instant the thought crossed Johnny's mind that Roy had been near him when he coughed and had called him 'John' but then exhaustion pulled him back under.

Roy waited into the breathing under his hand evened out and he knew Johnny was once more asleep. With a bone weary sigh of his own, he collapsed back on his bunk, his mind still trying to process both the dream and the last few minutes. Things were spinning, whirling, out of control. He hated that.

Finally Roy laid back down and closed his eyes, concerned over his twisting thoughts and decided what he needed was to exert more control. '_More control means less chaos_, he told himself. _Less chaos means safer_.' With that thought, he drifted back off.

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	12. Chapter 12

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Breakfast that next morning was a subdued affair. Several times, Kent tried to start up conversations with Roy but clearly the senior paramedic was distracted. Johnny stood in his spot near the sink, nibbling half-heartedly at a piece of toast and darting confused glances at his partner who watched him nearly constantly. Mike and Marco exchanged glances and Mike shrugged at Marco's questioning look, "I don't know what's up with him this morning. He sure is making Johnny nervous." The engineer whispered to the unvoiced question.

Marco shook his head and took another swipe of jam across his knife. "Johnny isn't the only one creeped out by it. I'm surprised he hasn't bolted by now. If this is the newest phase in whatever's going on with DeSoto, I don't think Johnny can handle it." He took a large bite of his toast and looked sideways where the youngest member had given up eating. Johnny's dark eyes roamed restlessly around the room only to come back to that unending stare then flit away again as he shifted nervously from one foot to the other.

Roy was oblivious of the attention his odd behavior was receiving from his fellow shiftmates. He wasn't even really looking at Johnny. Instead he was seeing the images in his dream over and over. Seeing Brice carry his younger partner's lifeless body out of the station. Feeling the cold flesh under his hand, closing the sightless dull eyes and arguing with Brice as he tossed Johnny unceremoniously into the dumpster. Brice's words kept echoing in his head. '_Perhaps you should ask yourself why you've decided that John Gage's part in your life is no longer welcome. Then you'll have the answer on why you keep killing him in your dreams._'

As Roy watched the other man shift uncomfortably under his stare, he could see flashes of the other dreams, images of Johnny falling into a endless dark pit while he let his lifeline just snake past him, Johnny screaming as the goo slowly buried him, Johnny's body being crushed under falling concrete, etc. Each terrifying image one of the past dreams.

A sharp blow to his ribs by a well placed elbow and a harsh voice in his ear startled him. "Hey, DeSoto! Man, guy, get a grip!"

'_Get a grip, that's what I need. I just need to get control over these thoughts, need to slow down and think about all this_.' With concentrated effort, he pulled his gaze away from the shifting figure by the sink and turned toward his friend. "I'm sorry, Marc. I guess I'm still tired from that fire last night. What were you wanting?"

Satisfied he had his friend's attention back, Kent glanced once where Johnny still stood then began questioning Roy over his day off. To his disappointment, Roy nixed any get togethers with a shake of his head. "Sorry Buddy. No can do today. I've got a list of stuff at home I need to get done. Chris's first time at Boy Scout camp is next week and I'm helping the troop get ready."

Johnny couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped him as Roy finally stopped his staring and began talking with Kent. The sight of Jason Schlemmer, his paramedic replacement, walking through the door perked him up even more. He quickly rinsed out his cup and headed toward Cap. "Cap, Jason's here. I'm gonna take off now, if that's awright?"

He shifted from one foot to the other as Cap looked up from the sheet he'd been reading. Cap looked from the anxious paramedic, over to where Schlemmer was getting a glass of juice from the fridge then back to his paramedic. "Sure John. I don't see a problem as long as you let Schlemmer know." Johnny gave a quick small nod and left. Jason had no problem with his leaving although he teased, "Why the hurry Gage? You got a hot date or something?"

Johnny smirked faintly and shook his head, "No, not unless you count my ranch or my bed." With a friendly slap on his shoulder, Jason acknowledged the other paramedic. Johnny left the kitchen and headed into the locker room. He quickly changed and grabbed the package from the bottom he'd found there earlier. He brought it up to his nose and inhaled deeply, a faint smile on his face as his mouth watered in anticipation of the heavy moist pumpkin bread he knew was inside. He left the building, his stomach growling in anticipation as his mind swirled with ideas of ways to thank Maggie Stanley.

Roy's replacement had arrived and he hurried into the locker room. He caught sight of his partner just leaving the building and called out, "Gage, John, wait!" But the younger man didn't seem to hear. Roy stopped, just watching him as he climbed into his Rover and roared off, not knowing really why he'd called out to him and not really knowing what he would have said had Johnny stopped.

The twenty-four hours off passed quickly for all the A-shift members and the next morning found them meeting back up in the kitchen. Roy frowned as he changed his clothes, the last day at home hadn't been as pleasant as he'd hoped. '_I don't know what got into Jo. I only suggested that we really should change a few things around the house.'_ He pulled a uniform shirt off the hanger and put it on. '_The kids are getting older and into more and some of that stuff just isn't safe. I'm only thinking of my family's safety_.'

He thought back to how his suggestions on how to better run the house were met with first nonchalance, then aggravation and finally anger as the day had progressed. Finally after suggestions on how to make the appliances safer, she spun on him. "All right! I've had enough! I don't know what is going on with you lately but you are driving me up the wall with your controlling ways. No one that I know of has died and made you king! This is my house and my kitchen and I have run it just fine for the last several years. And since you had no complaints until recently, I intend on keeping things just as they are. If you don't like it, you . . you can just march yourself back to the station, Mr. DeSoto."

He had stormed off into his garage, spending the next several hours sorting and repacking items for the scout camp. Later, over supper, the two had come to a compromise of sorts, both sort of ignoring the blow up and pretending it hadn't happened. Still, it rankled him and had put him in a sour mood this morning. He slammed his locker door with more force than was necessary and stomped off for a cup of coffee.

A glance over to the sink revealed Johnny standing there. Roy reached for the coffee pot and Johnny moved slightly out of his way. Roy filled his cup and glanced at the other man, "Gage." He stated. Surprised at being addressed, Johnny looked up to see Roy give him a nod of getting. "Good morning, Roy," he quietly replied. He watched as Roy walked over to the table and sat down.

It had been two weeks now since Roy had returned to duty, and he waited until his fellow shift-members filled their cups and sat at the table. Then, as he had each shift start, he began an update of Jen's medical progress. "Well, yesterday Jen saw Dr. Bentley for her second time." Each crewmember paused in their actions and snuck a glance at Johnny who stood silently in his place in front of the sink. He continued to drink his coffee, his face as was now usual, devoid of emotion.

"He removed all the stitches and gave Jo a list of exercises to have Jenny practice to make sure the scars don't pull up."

"Does she have many scars?" Chet asked. Johnny found himself leaning forward, listening intently.

"Not really. At least not that should affect her much since the lacerations were on her distal fingers. He said she might have some sensitivity since three of the areas are on her fingertips. I guess the main concern is her thumb. The laceration was above the joint but wrapped around the finger. Doc said she should be fine, though." Roy sipped his coffee, aware of the sigh from the sink but ignoring it. Kent slapped his back, "That's great to hear, buddy. I know how worried you were."

Cap slapped his hands together and announced, "Now on that good note, roll call in three gentlemen." With that, he headed toward his office to get his clipboard. The other men left their seats and headed out. Roy went over to the sink and rinsed his cup.

"Roy." The soft voice caught his attention and he looked up. "For what it's worth, I'm glad she'll be awright."

"For what it's worth." Roy found himself repeating, then without another word he left. Johnny watched him go. "I guess it's not worth very much." He murmured, then rinsed his own cup and went to join his stationmates.

Johnny followed his shiftmates into the bay and took his place in the far end of the line, his gaze carefully straight, his face impassive. He'd given up trying to figure out what he could do to change what had happened between him and Roy. He'd given up on almost everything. Somedays, for brief moments, he almost felt back to 'normal' then he'd see the turned down pictures in his house, or he'd come into work and everything would hit him all over again. Now—now he was just tired. He'd discovered it was best not to try and feel anything, that way nothing hurt. He just coasted through the shifts, letting whatever was happening buffet him as it would, not letting anyone or anything penetrate. He merely existed, friend to no one, and no one's friend.

After Cap assigned the chores, Mike tried to engage Johnny into a conversation but soon gave up. Marco too pulled the younger man aside but the only one word answers to any questions and that awful blank gaze from those formerly expressive eyes finally depressed him to the point of giving up. Later the two exchanged notes.

Chet wondered into the kitchen to see Mike and Marco deep in conversation. "What's up with Gage now?" The Irishman bluntly asked. "I thought he pulled out of his funk after we went to his house after the picnic."

Marco looked up at his mate, his gaze suspicious. "Why Chet? What did you do to him?"

Chet shrugged and tried to look nonchalant but failed. "I. …uh. . .I was just asking him if he had any dates recently, that's all."

Mike frowned, " Uh huh."

Chet glared, his voice defensive as he insisted, "I did!"

"And what did he say?" Marco asked. Chet shrugged again, "That's just it. He just said 'No' then stood there looking at me." He shuddered, "It was creepy. He just looked at me, no comments, no smirks, no protest, just that no and that blank stare."

Mike and Marco exchanges looks and sighs, "Just leave him alone, Chet." Marco sighed. Chet raised his hands, "Fine. What do I care? If Gage wants to wander around here looking like some sort of lifeless zombie, what's that to me! I'm sick of all this crap." More then a little peeved, he stomped from the kitchen.

Unfortunately for the men of A-shift, the morning remained calm. The engine left for some scheduled fire inspections and the squad covered some hydrant tests but nothing else. After lunch found Kent out at the squad, checking oxygen bottles while Mike polished the engine and Chet bugged him. The silence was broken as Kent cleared his throat and the two other firemen looked his way.

1"So, uh, how long has Roy been training Gage?" Kent asked.

Chet snickered, "Seems like years. DeSoto has the patience of a saint where Gage is concerned." He loved teasing his favorite pigeon even if Gage wasn't right there listening.

Kent nodded, "Really? That long—wow. He must indeed. Although I'm surprised that headquarters let Gage remain a trainee without dumping him back onto a truck. Back in San Diego you weren't a trainee for longer then six months." He frowned then shrugged, "Either they see something special in him or he's got powerful friends in high places."

Chet and Mike looked at each other bewildered. Then the meaning of Kent's words hit them. Chet's eyes widened, "No, no, that's not what I meant! You've got it wrong!"

"Johnny's not Roy's trainee, he's not anybody's trainee." Mike began.

Kent smiled, "Oh! Well, good for him; he finally got his pin then. So where's he transferring to? And how soon?" He bent over the oxygen tank again, readjusting the valves as he continued, "To tell you the truth, Gage's continuous incompetence had me worried. Once he's gone, maybe I can become Roy's partner. I think we work well together and I can learn a lot from him."

Again the stunned engineer and the line man exchanged glances then both talked at once trying to correct a terrible wrong.

From the corner of his eye, Mike saw movement near the dorm room doorway. Johnny stood there, still as a statue, his gaze locked toward the kitchen. Then his head moved and Mike caught Johnny's eye for a mere moment, then John dropped his head, slowly turned, and disappeared back into the dorm.

Across the other side of the bay standing in the Kitchen doorway, Roy had heard the entire conversation and he too had caught sight of his partner, frozen in mid-stride. For the first time in over two weeks, he really looked into the younger paramedic's face; saw the disturbing blankness reflected in that brown gaze, the dark circles under the eyes and the lines around his eyes and lips. With a jolt, he realized he hadn't been mistaken at the party and briefly wondered what was going on with the younger man before Johnny broke the connection, turned and walked away.

Roy sighed, he had no idea how Kent could have gotten such a false impression of his partner, knowing the words had to have hurt Johnny deeply. Since the day Johnny had graduated from paramedic training at Rampart, the younger man had held a deep pride in his work. In other manners, he might seem flighty or erratic but on the job he was intent and thorough. Roy knew this, as did everyone else at Station 51.

"Roy has a partner, he's had a partner since the paramedic program first began. You can . . ." Chet sputtered.

"Johnny is not incompetent. You could learn a lot from Johnny as well." Mike protested. Kent was shaking his head at their protests when another voice stilled them all.

"John Gage _is_ my partner. He has been my partner since before the Wedsworth-Townsend bill passed. John Gage was in the first class graduating from Rampart and is one of the County's best paramedics." Roy's soft voice was clear and Mike thought maybe a little bit sad. He nodded to his crewmate, a slight smile on his face.

Kent's eye were wide, "You mean he's _that_ Gage?? Sure, I've heard of him but after being here I figured it must be someone else!" Before anymore could be said the tones went off.

"Station 51 Man down. 3422 East Spring Street 3-4-2-2-East Spring Street Cross street Palo Verde Ave Time out 9:34"

Roy raced to the squad's driver's side. Kent stowed the oxygen back into its compartment and sealed it in before yanking open the passenger side. As he slid in, Johnny joined him, shutting the door and securing his helmet.

Mindful of the conversation he'd just had, Kent intently watched Johnny as the younger man gave Roy directions, not once consulting a map as he guided them—and the engine following—through a maze of traffic laden streets. The short cuts he led them through had them arriving on scene in less then fifteen minutes. Kent knew the main roads well enough to know the journey there would have taken them nearly 30. Once on scene, he was amazed at the speed and efficiency with which the two men worked, barely speaking to each other as they worked in complete tandem. Here he saw and finally understood he was watching LA County's best paramedic team in action. Three more runs of a similar manner had him rethinking some of his first impressions.

Later, after several amazing runs in succession, he marveled at what he'd witnessed to Dixie. "It was incredible, Ms. McCall. They hardly said more then ten words between them yet as soon as one would reach out a hand, the other would fill it with whatever they needed instantly. Most of the time what was said was things like vitals or just each other's name."

Dixie hid a secret smile as the paramedic paused for both a breath and a sip of cola. . "It was the most amazing sight I've ever seen." Again he shook his head, "You know, even in San Diego when they teach the paramedic program they teach about how DeSoto recruited for the paramedic program and how Gage was the first paramedic ever to perform a successful defibrillation in field. When I got up here, I thought Roy was the DeSoto I'd heard about but, Gage. Well . . ." He paused then continued, "Let's just say I thought the stories were a bit exaggerated."

Dixie looked at him, her face straight as she asked, "So, what did you think of John Gage when you first got here?" She hid her curiosity with a nonchalant air even though she dearly wanted the answer. She knew somehow a lot of the way Roy was treating Johnny now had to do with this trainee, although she wasn't sure why.

Kent scrunched up his face, "Well. Gage is an ok guy, I guess. He handles a hose alright. He's kinda quiet around the station, always flitting off to be by himself, never wants to join in with stuff like card games and all."

He chuckled as he remembered something else, "He's a little slow on the uptake if you ask me. I've seen Chet pull a few good ones on him and heard about more from some of the other guys around here. It's fun to tease him about all that stuff about being an Indian, you know, jokes about 'we'll never get lost because we have our own Indian guide' and things like that. He just smiles but never does anything else." He laughed outright over some of the things he'd pulled himself on the solitary man.

Dixie kept her face straight as inside her mind screamed with outrage and her heart bled. '_Oh Johnny! This is so much worse than I imagined_.' Never could she ever believe that the vibrant, outgoing effervescent firemen she'd know for the last several years would be described as this man had described him. '_And Gage, he always calls him Gage, never Johnny or even John._' She frowned as something else dawned on her, '_Roy had only been calling him Gage.' _ She returned her attention once more to the paramedic as she nodded, "And now?"

Marc sighed, looking at the can in his hand, "Now I'm not so sure. I've seen him work and what they did—what Gage did today in the field—was nothing short of incredible."

Dixie chuckled softly, "I've had the pleasure of watching them work also and you're right, it's pretty amazing"

Marc grinned at her, then his grin faded, "But yet . . ." He fiddled with his can as Dixie watched his face.

She placed her hand on his to redirect his attention back on her. "You can't understand why you didn't see this amazing act before." She finished for him. He hesitated, his lower lip pulled between his teeth as he slowly nodded. She sighed and took a drink from her own coffee before she said. "Ok. I'll let you in on a little secret. Now don't you go telling anyone I told you this."

Wide-eyed he nodded and made a crossing motion across his heart and leaned closer to her conspiratorially. She smiled, "Those two are as good as they are because they are more than just work partners; they have a great relationship off work as well. That said, like all relationships they have misunderstandings and problems. Right now, they're having some rough spots." She pulled back and turned her attention back to the chart before her. "That's all I'll say about it. Any more than that you'll have to get from either Roy or Johnny themselves."

Mark drew back from her, a little bewildered by her words. Dix just nodded her head. "You think about that and just continue to watch." He opened his mouth to say more when Roy came out of the treatment room at the same moment as Johnny walked toward them down the hall.

"Squads here. Call us available." Roy told Kent as Johnny approached. He moved past the dark haired man as Johnny watched him go. Without breaking stride, Johnny turned on his heel to follow but Dixie stopped him with a hand to his arm. "Give him time, Johnny. You know what you mean to him."

Brown eyes met hers, and Dixie felt a stab of sadness at the lack of life in their formerly expressive depths. The corners of his lips turned slightly upward at her look. "I know what I _thought_ I did – maybe. Perhaps. At one time." He gave a sad shrug of his shoulders, "Perhaps not, though." He left, trailing behind Kent, his once bouncing step a carefully measured walk. Shaking her head, Dixie found herself sending up a prayer, _' Please, something's gotta break soon. I don't think he can handle much more, Lord.'_


	13. Chapter 13

Ok people! Beep! Beep! Here comes that clue bus! Roy's gonna take a direct hit; let's see if he gets it. If not, I know where there is a clue train waiting!!

Again, thanks for all the support. Feedback really does 'fuel the fingers' as another author wrote. I may have an outline done and several scenes written but your comments inspire me to get them polished and online. I am humbled and grateful ya'll seem to enjoy reading this as much as i enjoy tellin' it.

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Johnny sat back in his chair with a sigh, "There, it's all done." He told the calico cat who sat on the table busily washing the back of his wrist. He looked again at the neatly sorted stacks of papers and gave a rueful chuckle, "That is, at least until next month." He read through the checkbook he'd just balanced again, mentally going over the bills he'd just written checks for and the ones he knew would be coming in. P.Q. continued bathing him but when his other hand stopped stroking her head, she bit him. "Ow! Awright already cat!" He rubbed her ears then picked her up and looked into her face. "Enough with the nips, I get enough corrections at work.' She meowed softly then bit his nose. He dropped her, but not uncaringly, onto the floor. A yip told him she'd taken it out on Tezi who had been laying curled up on his feet.

"Sorry Tezi," he rubbed the puppy with a stocking foot. He reached for his coffee cup, noticing it still held coffee and it was still warm. He drank it as he reviewed his morning.

Once he'd gotten home off shift, he'd fed, watered and put out the horses, then mucked the stalls. Then he'd completed other chores needed around his ranch, taken a shower, and sat to do his bills. He fingered the check laying next to his wallet, his face sad. It used to be he didn't have to worry about depositing his check. Jo had always picked his up on payday Friday when she got Roy's and took them both to the bank. He hadn't been there when she'd come during their last shift, the squad had been on a run, but he'd already gotten his check from Cap and placed it in his locker. He just knew the wife of his partner would no longer extend those kinds of courtesies to him. He closed his eyes at the pain in his heart caused when he mentally thought of Roy as just 'his partner'.

Clamping back down on those thoughts, he turned his attention back to his morning. He ran his hand through his hair, still damp from his shower, as he stood up. He grabbed the stack of envelopes holding the paid bills, his checkbook, check and wallet. A glance at the clock revealed he had just a little over an hour to make it to the bank to deposit his check. Again he thanked what ever management decision had made his bank decide to stay open for Saturday mornings. "First the bank to make sure this gets in, then the post office to drop off the bills, then the cleaners, then I really need to get some more socks. It's getting harder to find a pair without holes and with my luck, I'll end up at Rampart wearing my worst pair and Dixie will have a heyday." He muttered to himself as he grabbed up his keys, and left his house.

Roy stretched as he rolled over and looked at the clock. '_Good, only 10_.' he thought. He'd gotten a good two hour nap and now felt ready for the rest of the day. He quickly got up and left his bedroom. Knocking on Chris's bedroom door, he called out, "Chris? We have to leave in ten minutes. We're due over at Mr. Schultz's house by 10:30."

"OK Dad." Came the muffled reply. He headed on down the hall toward the kitchen. Once there he grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down with the paper. Jo entered the room and kissed his cheek. "Have a nice nap?"

He grinned up at her, "Yeah. A little lonely though."

She playfully smacked his shoulder, "Oh you. You said you wanted a 'nap' and that means sleep."

He grinned broader, "Well, I could have slept, 'after'"

She laughed and gathered up her purse and keys. He frowned. "You going somewhere?"

She rolled her eyes and sighed, "Now Roy. Don't start that again. I told you Jenny and I are going to do errands while you and Chris are doing your Boy Scout thing."

"I can run you around after we are done. We'll only be gone a few hours." Roy's frown deepened. Jo sighed in exasperation. "Roy, I have been driving a car around this town all by myself for over 10 years. I don't need you to suddenly chaperone me to the same places I've been going by _my self_!" Her eyes snapped with sudden anger and Roy found himself in an equally sudden mental debate. If he continued with his current argument, insisting he be there in an effort to make sure his family was safe, Jo would be very anger and that would likely spark another fight. However, if he let it go and something happened without him being there . . . He paused in that line of thinking. '_Without my being there? What_?' Confused over why he was feeling like that, Roy maintained his silence.

Jo took his silence as consent and kissed his cheek. "Have fun. I'll see you this evening." She called for Jenny and the two left, leaving Roy alone in the kitchen trying to analyze his feelings of anxiety and why they were so strong.

A tug on his elbow brought him out of his musings. "Dad! Come on! We're going to be late." Chris insisted. Roy grinned, ruffled his son's hair, and stood up. "Alright, tiger. Let me get my keys and we're off." That said and done, they too left the house.

Jo pulled into the K-Mart parking lot and began the slow crawl up and down the rows looking for a parking space. "Ah Hah!" she crowed in delight, quickly swinging the station wagon around the end, narrowly missing the white Land Rover parked there as she headed toward her goal. Her unconscious mind registered the other vehicle and the blue uniforms covered in cleaner's plastic as something familiar but her conscious mind was too intent on her parking and what they needed to get.

She gleefully swung into the spot and turned off the engine. Jenny eagerly undid her belt and opened her door. "Mom? Can I get some popcorn?"

Jo joined her daughter, stopping only to make sure all the windows were up and the doors were locked before grabbing her daughter's hand. "We'll see, Jenny."

Jenny rolled her eyes and sighed, "That's just mom talk for no." She grumbled. Jo stifled a laugh before answering, "No. That's mom talk for we will see how a certain someone behaves before we make any promises." Laughing, the two walked into the store. Jo sighed in pleasure as the air conditioning hit her. It had been getting steadily warmer as summer approached and the conditioned store was a relief. She grabbed a cart, placed her purse in the front and reached down to swing Jenny up into it. Jenny pulled back slightly. "Mommy? If I promise to stay right with you, can I walk?"

Jo debated this for a moment, "If you hold onto the cart and don't wonder off at all, I guess it would be alright." Jenny jumped up and down in excitement and grabbed onto the cart, skipping along as Jo piloted them down the aisles.

They had been in the store for nearly 15 minutes and Jenny was beginning to get bored. Jo could hear her heavy sighs and see her head turning repeatedly toward the toy section. Just as she was about to suggest they check out the latest in barbies, Jenny let out a delighted squeal and bolted.

"Jenny! Jennifer!" Jo called, quickly maneuvering around another shopper as she tried to keep sight of her hastily moving daughter. "Mommy! Mommy! Look! It's Uncle Johnny!" She heard Jenny call as she rounded another group.

Johnny had just picked up a package of white t-shirts and added it to the bundle of black socks he held in his other hand when something impacted hard with his hip. Surprised, he stumbled for balance, his arms going out, hands dropping the packages as he grabbed onto the shelf beside him. His impacted knee buckled and he instantly shifted his weight to his other leg, making him side-step as he staggered. His eyes opened wide and he caught up his breath in a gasp as adrenaline flooded his body in response. All of this happened in a mere heartbeat.

The excited chatter of a young girl registered in his hearing just as he worked to regain his balance and get his rapidly pounding heart back under control. He looked down into bright blue eyes and a smiling face. Jenny beamed up at him from where she hugged his hips. "Uncle Johnny! Guess what? We're shopping here too! Mommy said we might have popcorn. You want to have popcorn with me? I'll even let you have some of my slushie!"

"Jennifer!" JoAnne's angry voice silenced her gushing. Jenny turned to look at her mother with sheepish eyes. "I'm sorry, Mom. I saw Uncle Johnny."

Jo put a hand on her hip and gave her errant daughter a 'mother look.' Then she smiled up at the dark haired man. "I'm sorry about this, Johnny."

Johnny gave a faint smile and dropped one hand onto Jenny's shoulder. "It's awright, JoAnne. No harm done." He pushed the child gently away from him and bent down, retrieving his packages. Jo noticed the items and couldn't help a soft tease. "Doing some shopping yourself, I see. If you had a wife you wouldn't have to come into this madhouse and be accosted by runaway little girls."

Johnny made a sound of amusement in his throat as he straightened back up. "Well, some of us aren't as lucky as others I guess. We just have to suffer through." He stood and faced his partner's wife. Several long moments went by and nothing else was said. JoAnne felt an unaccustomed awkwardness in her friend's presence. "Johnny. About what happened at the picnic, I . . ."

"No harm done, JoAnne. Listen, I gotta go. I'll see you later." Johnny interrupted. He patted Jenny on the head as he moved by her. "Bye, JoAnne, bye Jennifer."

Jenny pouted, "Uncle Johnny? Aren't you gonna share a slushie with me?"

Johnny shook his head, "Not today Jennifer. Sorry." With that he was gone, leaving the two standing bewildered in the aisle behind him.

Jo watched him leave, his tall figure clearly visible over the racks and shorter shoppers. Something wasn't right. As she reviewed the encounter, she tried to put a name to what had bothered her. '_His eyes never met mine while he talked and he seemed tense, withdrawn. Is he still upset over what happened at the picnic?'_ She wondered_. 'I guess it could be. Although Johnny has never held a grudge over anything like that before.' _ She gave an internal chuckle. '_If he had, Chet would've been dead long ago'. _ She pulled her lower lip between her teeth as she pondered. _'No, it's something else. Something was definitely not right. His eyes, something wasn't right with his eyes.'_

Jenny reached up and took her mother's hand, pulling JoAnne's thoughts back into the here and now. She smiled down at her daughter, intending to mask her own feelings, but stopped when she saw the expression on the child's face. Tears filled the blue eyes and her lips trembled with suppressed emotions. Jo knelt down, putting her hands on her daughter's shoulders. "Jenny? What's wrong?"

Jenny shook her head, then a sob escaped her throat. Jo pulled her over toward the benches near the fountain drink area and as soon as she sat, pulled the child into her lap. "Now," she squeezed her gently. "You want to tell Mommy what's wrong?"

Jenny hiccupped over another swallowed sob and in a tremulous voice said, "Is there . . . did I do something wrong . . .?"

Jo hugged her daughter close, "No sweetheart. You've been very good today." She frowned then asked, "Why would you think you did something wrong?"

Jenny wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, "Uncle Johnny hasn't been over since I hurt my hand. And on the day of the picnic, he just left and didn't even say good-bye. Daddy never talks about him anymore and just now . . ." She stopped for a hiccup, her eyes tearing again, "When we saw him, he wouldn't look at me, he didn't hug me and he c . . called me Jennifer instead of kiddle!"

JoAnne pulled her daughter close again, rubbing her back in comfort. '_She's right,'_ she realized, '_Johnny barely could meet my gaze even. He was so . . .so distant, almost aloof.' _She frowned as she came to a decision, '_Something is going on and I'm going to get to the bottom of it.' _For her daughter's sake, she smiled big and said, "No Jenny. You didn't do anything wrong. Perhaps Uncle Johnny just has a lot on his mind right now. Remember, Daddy said he's been working a lot of overtime and that's why he hasn't been over." Even as she said it, she now wondered if that was true, but covered her thoughts by adding. "How about we get a sundae to split, Ok? I feel the need for ice cream!" Instantly Jenny's face became all smiles. Her mommy had said everything was all right so it must be so. Besides, it had been ages since they'd shared their favorite treat.

The two finished their shared treat then Jo finished her shopping. As she and Jenny carried their purchases back out to their car, Jo noticed what her subconscious had before. Johnny's white Land Rover sat near her car. She looked at it for several long moments while she placed the packages into the back seat of her wagon. '_There is something going on and I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I'm not sure who that was we just saw in there, but that was not the John Gage I've come to know and love.'_ That decision reaffirmed in her heart, she climbed into her car, made sure Jenny was buckled in and left to finish the rest of her errands.

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Roy entered the large two-story house after a cheery voice called out for entry and three other boys burst through the door and grabbed Chris. Together the four disappeared within the house, chattering madly. Roy looked around the pleasantly furnished living room he'd found himself in, taking note of the various pictures and other articles which showed this was a home not just a house. A deep chuckle brought his attention back.

"Thought that'd be you, Roy. The boys already take off?"

Roy grinned at the mountain of a man standing before him. "Yeah Bob. I think they headed out back." He told the tanned figure. Robert 'Bob" Schultz ran a heavily callused hand through his close cut hair, the arm muscles bulging under the sleeve of his shirt. The leader of Troop 335 worked as a construction foreman and had the body of a hard working man who spent most of his life outdoors. His skin was tanned dark from the sun and his hair, lashes and brows were bleached nearly white. Intelligent hazel colored eyes twinkled at Roy as he nodded. "I figured. Come on into the kitchen, I've got a pot of fresh coffee on. And if firemen drink the stuff like construction workers do, you probably haven't had anywhere near your morning quota yet."

As he spoke, the tall figure moved through the house into a spacious kitchen. Roy's eyes widened as he took in the cabinets, new floor and multiple workspaces. "Wow!"

Bob grinned over his shoulder as he poured another cup of the fragrant brew. "That's right. You haven't seen the remodel job since I finished. Laura loves it, now that all the mess of construction is over." He showed his friend some of the special features he'd designed including a slide out pantry, pop up mixing stand and hidden toaster storage. "The coffee maker can go in there too but it's never empty long enough to be stored." he chuckled as he handed one cup to the firefighter and took up another for himself.

"Remind me to forbid Jo to visit Laura." Roy joked, "If she sees this, I'll never hear the end of it."

Bob nodded, "You just let me know when you want to change that and I'll help. I can get you good prices on the materials and will even help you build it. If I remember right, your partner is pretty handy with building things too. I've seen the deck he helped you build. He does nice work. Between the three of us we could have the work done in no time."

Roy felt a flash of annoyance over that, "If _he_ were helping, we'd spend more time in the Emergency Room then working." he grumbled.

Bob raised an eyebrow, "So? You both are medics, right? Besides," he raised his left hand, spreading his fingers out showing his missing pinky and tip of his ring finger. "In both our lines of work accidents happen." He drank more of his coffee and motioned behind him to the table piled high with materials. "I've got everything set up already. What say we corral the boys and get things started."

Before long six noisy boys were swarming around the kitchen. Under Bob's direction one was breaking up pieces of paraffin into a old sauce pan, another was coiling strips of cardboard into the cleaned tins they'd collected, making them ready for the melted paraffin that would turn them into 'buddy burners' to use that coming week at camp for cooking. Two boys were spreading sawdust into a flat cookie sheet. More paraffin would be added to this then it would be cut into bricks to use as firestarters. Two more boys were busy cutting and tearing a stack of old sheets into bandage strips and triangular bandages.

Roy had made sure the proper precautions were readily available near the stove since paraffin was flammable. Bob oversaw the boys there, while Roy helped the boys at the table with the bandages. Everything was going well. Roy divided his attention between his group and the one by the stove until the two bandage-makers started asking him questions about first aid.

"I want to try and get my first aid badge this week," Neal, the whip-thin dark haired tanned boy beside him declared. "I think I'd like to be a paramedic when I grow up." Roy found himself watching the boy's sure hand movements as the paramedic answered the scout's intelligent questions. A flash of familiarity hit the paramedic like a lightening strike as Roy watched. Dark shaggy hair, thin build, dark eyes set in a face with high cheekbones, serious attitude as he readily absorbed all Roy imparted; Roy could have been looking at his partner 12 years earlier. Another flash of that same weird feeling that had been plaguing him resurfaced.

Bob's voice broke through his thoughts. "Roy? Can you keep an eye on things here? I hear the baby on the intercom."

For the first time, Roy noticed Laura, Bob's wife hadn't been around. Bob saw the look and nodded, "She took Shelly and Angie out for a girl's day but she left the baby here. He's probably just wet. I'll change him and I bet he'll go right back to sleep. He normally sleeps for several hours in the afternoon."

Roy grinned, "Sure Bob. I've got it."

Roy stood and moved closer to the stove where he could better watch the two boys carefully watched the paraffin melting in the pan. "Looks like you boys are about done." He commented as he glanced at the tins already full. Andy, Bob's oldest boy nodded his head, his longish blonde hair falling into his eyes as he did. "Yeap. Just got one more pan of firestarters to do."

"Mr. DeSoto? Are we still going to tour your fire station during Fire Prevention Week?" Another boy asked. Roy turned to him, "That's the plan but October is a long ways off yet. I . . ."

The pain-filled scream of a child ripped through Roy's body, making his blood freeze as his head immediately turned toward the sound. The sight his eyes took in and his brain quickly processed told it all. Two figures by the stove, one hunched over in pain, screaming, his body rigid, arms held away from his body, the other reaching for the injured boy, his face showing his horror, the pan they'd been melting the paraffin overturned on the floor.

In two strides Roy was there, assessing as he moved. "What happened?"

Jason, the other boy looked up. "I . . .I was starting to pour the wax and the pan tipped. Andy had bent down to pick up the scrapper and . . .and . . ." Roy could see, the hot wax had poured over the boy instead, coating his neck, back and arm. He grabbed Andy and sat him on the floor. "It's alright, Jason. Neal, bring me a couple of those large bandages, the rectangular ones. Jason, take the pitcher there and fill it with cool water. Chris, call dispatch and tell them to send a squad. You know the address, right?"

"Yes sir." Chris called as he raced for the phone, "3418 North Parkway Lane." Neal scurried to do as requested. Roy held Andy's arm, getting a pulse and respirations as Neal dropped beside him, cloth in hand. "Now, we need to place those on the burns. No! Don't!" Before he could get it out, Alan pulled Andy's shirt from his body, tearing another scream of pain from the boy's throat as the paraffin soaked material pulled at the already damaged skin. Wide eyed, the other boy slid quickly backwards, stuttering, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Roy sighed as he soothed the other child, "I know." Then he looked up at the thin boy beside him. "Neal, place those cloths, yes, just like that. Good." Without direction, the lad had carefully draped the cloths over Andy's exposed back, shoulder and arm. He looked straight into Andy's face, forcing the boy to look at him and in a calm voice said, "It's gonna be alright, Andy. I know it hurts right now but Mr. DeSoto will help you."

Roy couldn't help but be impressed over the level headedness being showed by the teen. "Here, Andy. I want you to lie down on your stomach."

"Wait Mr. DeSoto." Neal said then quickly he pulled off his jacket and added several towels from the cabinet over it. "Now you can lie down, Andy. That floor is cold and we need to keep you warm." He looked up at the paramedic and mouthed, "Shock?"

Roy's eyebrows went higher. _'This kid is really with it._' "Jason I need that water." He looked around and found the other boys huddled together, their eyes wide, faces pale.

"I'll get it." Neal said as he stood. Before long, a pitcher filled with water appeared before Roy's face, "Pour it over the cloths right?" Roy nodded and Neal did just that.

"LA said they'd send a squad and ambulance right away, Dad." Chris's voice came from somewhere behind him. Roy nodded from where he continued to monitor the boy. Neal had dropped back down next to Andy and was talking quietly to him, the back of his dark head the only thing Roy could see. Roy pulled the pen from his pocket and wrote the vitals he'd taken on his hand. "Johnny, " He called out. The dark head in front of him didn't move. Roy's heart missed a beat as he realized his mistake and his cheeks reddened slightly as he corrected, "Neal, make sure these cloths stay wet." This time the dark head came up and brown eyes, intent in their seriousness, looked at him as the boy nodded.

"Heavenly Father Above! Roy, what happened? I thought I heard something!" Bob's voice echoed through the area. The man swept into the kitchen closely followed by Aaron, Andy's twin and both knelt swiftly beside the injured scout. Andy turned his tear stained face towards his father, "Daddy!"

"Jason poured the wax on him!" Alan yelled pointing his fingers at the other boy. Instantly Jason protested. "I didn't mean it. Andy bumped me when he reached for the scrapper on the floor. You nearly skinned him alive taking off his shirt that way!"

"That doesn't matter now. Knock it off." Neal spoke with more authority then Roy could've thought a 13 year old could. "Why don't one of you go to the front door. The firemen will need to be brought back here."

Bob brushed his son's hair from his eyes gently and soothed. "It's ok Andy. It'll be alright." Bob looked up into the paramedic's face, his eyes begging for their own reassurance. Roy nodded and gave a smile.

"Squad's here." Chris's voice came and seconds later, Roy looked up as the B Shift paramedics from Station 45 rushed in. Both glanced briefly at their off duty compatriot and gave a nod of greeting as they dropped to their knees along with their equipment. "Roy. What've ya got?" Frank Sanders asked. Quickly, Roy filled him in on what had happened as Frank's partner, Ward Robertson, took vitals. Knowing they had things well in hand, Roy stood, and pulled on Bob's shoulder to move him back as well.

"Bob, he'll be all right." He tried to assure the other man. He glanced once where his own son stood with the other scouts and shuddered. '_It could have been Chris_.'

"I'll . . .I'll need to leave a note for Laura . ." Bob stuttered, his eyes never leaving his injured son even as he clutched Aaron's shoulders as the boy cried.

A commotion by the door caught both mens' attention. They turned as a man and a woman burst through the door, calling, "Bob! Bob are you all right?" Bob moved toward them. The man rushed forward, "Bob! We saw the ambulance! What happened?" Explanations were quickly made and the woman immediately hurried off upstairs while the man pushed Bob into a chair. A fresh cup of coffee appeared in the shocky father's hand. He sipped it slowly as the man stood and extended a hand toward Roy. "You must be Roy DeSoto. Bob's told us about you helping out with the troop. I'm Father Ross. We were just coming over to drop off some paperwork from the church when we saw all the emergency vehicles. Thank God you were here. I know all this must be old news to you, being a fire department medic."

Roy gave a faint smile, "I've seen similar, Father, but you never get used to it, especially when it concerns children." The kindly older man's eyes shone with sympathy as he nodded his head. "I understand that."

"Roy, we're ready to transport." Ward's voice interrupted. Roy nodded and they all watched as the gurney was wheeled out of the house. Father Ross turned back to Bob, laying a gentle hand on the man's shoulder. "Don't worry about anything here, Bob. We'll stay with the baby and call the other boys' parents to get them. We'll take care of Laura too.' He then turned to Roy and asked, "Roy? Could you take him to the hospital? I don't think he should drive right now."

"Yeah, yeah you're right. Come on Bob. Chris." Chris reached out and draped an arm around Aaron, leading the other boy away. "Don't worry, Mr. Schultz, I have everybody's numbers on the roster. I'll make sure they all get home." Neal called out. Bob looked at the tall youth and laid a grateful hand on the boy's shoulder. "You're a good lad, Neil and a top notch patrol leader. Thank you.' Neil blushed a deep crimson under his leader's kind words and nodded.

Roy parked the car and led his small group into the ER. He hurried over to the nurse's podium and grinned at Betty who raised her head, then smiled in recognition. "Hey Roy. What brings you in here on your day off?"

Swift introductions and explanations were made and Betty escorted Bob into the Exam room while Roy took the two boys over to the waiting area. As he sat, Roy had time to stop and think over what had happened.

'_It all happened so quickly! I didn't even see it!_' He shook his head. _'I was right there, right there!_' he unwittingly nearly parroted his partner's words on the night Jenny was hurt. '_And there wasn't anything I could do to stop it happening_.' Guilt flooded his soul as he empathized with Bob.

"Dad!" Aaron's cry startled Roy out of his deep thoughts as the boy leapt to his feet and raced to his father's side. Roy stood, watching the man walking toward him, trying to read his face and more than a little trepidatious over what would happen next. To his surprise, Bob extended his hand and when Roy hesitantly extended his own, the scout leader shook it heartily.

"The doctor says he'll be fine, Roy. He said he'll be out in a bit to talk to us." The man looked at Roy, gratitude in his eyes making Roy feel guilty. Roy dropped his gaze and shuffled his feet. "uh, Bob. I just want you to know how sorry I am this happened. I was right there, really. I turned my head for just a moment and . . ."

"My baby! What happened to my baby!" Laura's voice interrupted as she rushed over to the two men. "Bob! Where is he? Where's Andrew?"

Bob immediately took his trembling wife into his arms and tried to calm her. "He's alright, Laura. The doctor's with him right now but he said he'll be fine" Laura burst into tears as he held her close.

Roy was the first to notice Dr. Brackett was approaching and tapped Bob's arm and nodded toward the doctor. Both anxious parents turned. Brackett greeted them. "Roy, Mr. and Mrs. Schultz."

"My boy, doc. How's my boy?"

Brackett gave a half smile as he stuck his hands into his lab coatpocket. "Andy's gonna be just fine. He has second degree burns on his shoulder, neck and over his back." He touched the area over his own scapula to show where. "And first degree burns down his arm. He's a very lucky young man. The burns are painful but none will need graphs and there should be minimal scarring. We've started him on an IV to give him fluids and I gave him a pain reliever. He's sleeping now. I'd like to keep him over night just to make sure. And we'll need to watch for infection."

Both parents looked relieved. Brackett glanced at Roy. "You know, you were really lucky he got immediate care from one of the best paramedics in the county." He smiled at Roy.

Laura glared at the paramedic, "If he's so wonderful, my son shouldn't have ever been injured. Where were you two while the boys were melting that stuff anyway? Watching a ball game?"

Faintly in his mind, Roy heard his own angry voice demanding, "Where were you really? In watching TV? Outside? Sleeping?? Or maybe on the phone chatting up some date? Tell me what you were really doing while my daughter was bleeding to death!"

"Laura! That's enough!" Bob's voice was brusque. "Roy was right there in the kitchen. He applied immediate aid to Andy. We should be grateful he was there and knew what to do."

Laura dropped her head against her husband and gave a few sobs.

Roy's stomach churned with the guilt flooding his mind. "Laura, Bob I . . .I am so …so sor. . ."

"No, Roy, stop." Laura's gentle voice interrupted as she raised her tear-stained face. "Bob's right. Thank God you were there and we are grateful for your help." She gave a watery smile as she laid a hand on the paramedic's shoulder. "Forgive me? Chock it up to just a worried mother." She waited until she got a slight nod from the paramedic then turned to the doctor. "Can I see him?"

Brackett nodded and extended an arm toward the exam room after a quick glance at his paramedic. Laura stepped forward then glanced back to her husband. Bob smiled. "You go first. I'll be right there," She smiled then followed the doctor off.

As soon as she was out of earshot Roy began, "Laura's right, Bob. I was right there. I could've . . . I should've . .."

"You could've should've what, Roy?" Bob broke in. "It was an accident and sometimes accidents just happen, no matter what you do. I doubt there was anything short of stopping time that could have been done." He sighed, "Again, I'll say I thank God you were there and had the training to do what need to be done. " He shook his head, "I don't know if I could've even begin to think what was needed if I'd been down there. Once I saw Andy on the floor, I couldn't even think at all!"

The guilt in Roy pushed him onward. '_Control. I had no control. I screwed up_.'

As if reading his thoughts, Bob shook his head. "Look Roy. I've got five kids. I know that no matter how badly you never want to see them hurt sometimes we have no choice over it. Kids will be kids and accidents will happen. It's alright: I understand. It's really difficult to admit we have no control sometimes. Sometimes the main point of God's grace is that there are those around who can help once the accident happens."

He slapped the other man on the back, "And that's what I think happened today. Now, I'm going to take Aaron to see his brother. You look tired, man. I think you should head on home." Again he grabbed Roy's hand and shook it heartily, "Thanks again for all you did, Roy." Then the man called Aaron to him and the two walked off, leaving Roy alone with his own son and his agitated thoughts.

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	14. Chapter 14

Ok, fans. Here's a holiday goodie. Here it is! I've been eager to get this one up since it's been in my computer since July. See, I picture a scene with all the feelings on everyone in it, then write it out. From there I investigate how they got there and what will happen before and after. This is the one that started it.

For those of you who have been guessing, here are some answers. Again. thanks for all the feedback. I really hearing from ya'll!!

I don't know if I'll get up anymore before xmas so if not, Merry Christmas! And enjoy!!

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The atmosphere was subdued that evening in the DeSoto household. Chris told his mother all that had happened as soon as he saw her and Jo expressed her concern for the Schultz's. Roy gave her a brief account of his part and what Brackett had said then became quiet. Jo, for her part, was distracted as well by the incident she had had with Johnny earlier. All in all, it made for a quiet evening with little conversation.

The next morning was Sunday and the family rose early to attend church. Still feeling the effects of the day before, Roy suggested they eat out for dinner and Jo readily agreed. While they were changing clothes once they returned home the phone rang. Roy quickly answered it and Jo found herself listening in.

"Hello? Oh! Hey!"

From the change of tone in his voice, Jo knew it was someone Roy was comfortable with. A part of her desperately hoped it was Johnny asking what the family was up to. She started to plan what meal she'd prepare as she moved closer to Roy, intent on insisting he ask their friend over immediately.

"Yeah, just got home. Nothing much right now. Sure. Sure! I don't see why not. Ok. All right then, I'll see you in a bit. Bye." Roy finished the conversation just as Jo reentered the bedroom, hung up her dress and turned toward him. Before she could say anything, he brushed her cheek with a kiss and headed toward the door, telling her, "That was Marc. He's having trouble changing the oil on his wife's car and asked if I'd come over and help. See you tonight." Then he was gone, leaving her bemused and a little miffed.

JoAnne stood for several moments in her bedroom assimilating what had just happened and the fast departure of her husband. She was just starting to work up a good head of steam when she heard the unmistakable sounds of her children bickering. She immediately knew whatever dealing she would have over her husband's attitude would have to be put on hold until this latest domestic dispute was handled. With a sigh, she followed the noises, a little surprised to hear both voices within her daughter's room. Normally Chris avoided the "disgustingly girly pink" sanctuary of his sister. Now she could hear Jenny's voice, filled with tears as she cried. "No! He is, he is. I don't care about dumb old Daddy or even dumb old you say, he's _my_ Uncle Johnny and he always will be my Uncle Johnny."

She paused at the doorway as she heard her son argue, "No he's not. He's no one's uncle. That was just a dumb name we called him. He's not our real uncle and he doesn't count as family."

Concerned now by the words she heard, JoAnne pushed the door open. Within, Jenny stood, tears dripping from her face, her hands clutched desperately to a ceramic frame. Chris, too, had a hold of the frame, straining to pull it from his sister's clutch. JoAnne put her hands on her hips and looked sternly at her children. "Didn't the pastor just talk today about how Jesus wants us all to be with him someday?"

Obediently both children looked up and nodded.

JoAnne now crossed her arms and continued, "And didn't he also say that until that time we are to treat everyone as He would treat them?"

Again the nods. JoAnne nodded also, "Yes. And do you think the kind of behavior I just witnessed is what he meant?"

Chris ducked his head but Jenny raised her teary eyes to her mother. "Chris came in here and told me I couldn't have my picture anymore and he made up lots of lies about Uncle Johnny and. . ."

Chris flushed angrily, "They aren't lies! It's what Dad wants and Dad is the head of the family so you have to do what he says, ya big baby!" With that, he yanked harder on the frame. Jenny's grip wasn't as strong as her brother's but desperation had given the little girl extra strength. She held on for all she was worth. However, Chris's wrenching managed to knock the frame from her hands and it smashed into the wall, falling to the floor in fragments. "NOOooo!" Jenny screamed, running to the pieces.

"Christopher, your room NOW!" JoAnne commanded as she hurried across her daughter's room. Gently she took her daughter's wrists, stopping her from picking up any of the sharp remnants. "Careful honey," she soothed, "You don't want to cut yourself."

"I don't care," Jenny sobbed, "I doesn't matter now, it's all broken." Suddenly she threw herself into her mother's arms crying harder. "It's all my fault, it's all my fault. Maybe if I cut myself again and Daddy takes care of it things will go back to the way they were. I just want things to be right again." JoAnne led her daughter over and sat with her on the edge of her bed, rocking the distraught child until the sobs turned to whimpers and then shuddering breaths. Worn out, Jenny slept. Jo laid her back on the bed and covered her with a blanket. Then she got a broom and pan and began sweeping up the pieces. After she had disposed of them, she shook the photo over the basket to remove any glass slivers.

With a sad expression she looked at the photo, noting the broken glass had deeply gouged the picture. Her daughter's and Johnny's faces smiled up at Jo from where they sat on the back of Johnny's horse at his ranch. A gently smile touched her face as she remembered that day. Johnny had invited the DeSotos over for a Saturday picnic and horse riding. Jenny had treasured the day and the picture of her ride, insisting she had to have a special frame for the treasured picture. Once found, the framed photo hadn't left the little girl's dresser for the last three months. With another sigh, JoAnne laid the photo on her daughter's dresser, kissed her sleeping child's face and straightened her shoulders as she marched to her son's room.

When she opened the door, he looked up from his place on the bed, "I didn't mean to break it. I know how she looked all over for that frame. I know she spent her own money on it. I'll . . .I'll buy her a new one when Grandma gives me my birthday money." He burst out.

Jo nodded, "That would be nice, . . .IF that's what your sister wants." She moved into the room and sat on his bed. "You know, the frame didn't mean as much to her as the picture does."

"But it's of Mr. Gage and . . ." Chris began, then dropped his head, "Never mind."

Jo arched her eyebrows, "No. I want to hear why you thought Jenny shouldn't have that picture."

Chris fumbled with a baseball and shrugged, "Well, he's _not_ really our uncle. He's not really any family. . . " Chris paused.

Jo nodded, "You're right; he's not." She agreed but held her tongue over the rest, wanting to hear what her son had to say. _What's happened to this family? Roy prowls around spouting edicts like some sort of king having to check over everything personally and now this? _ She wondered, _I thought the children nearly idolized Johnny! Why the sudden turn about?_

Chris looked up, his blue eyes searching his mother's face. Not seeing any anger there, he burst out. "He was just Dad's partner and now he's not even that. Mr. Kent is. And he used to come over here all the time and was Dad's friend, now he never comes over and Mr. Kent does. Dad even took down all the pictures of Mr. Gage from the living room and the den and ever since Dad threw him out of the house when you got back from the retreat he never talks about him and so I thought . . . I figured . . ." He stopped.

Too shocked at what she'd just heard, Jo didn't say anything until her son's sad eyes, now awash in tears meet hers and he sobbed. "Momma, I . . .I really liked Johnny and . . .and I miss him. And I'm confused now because I'm not supposed ta." Jo pulled her son to her, stroking his hair as he cried. Being 'almost a man', the crying didn't last long and he pulled away but Jo kept her hands on his shoulders. "Now, Chris. You listen to me and listen well." She kept her voice soft and even as she looked straight into her son's eyes. "You can _still _like Johnny. I'll tell you right now, I still love him like a brother and I have no intention of changing that. Don't you worry about what your father has done. It's not your concern. And if you still want to think of him as Uncle Johnny and call him that, that's OK too. If you don't, at least call him Johnny." She smiled and ruffled his hair, "I think he'd like that better than being called 'Mr. Gage.'"

Relieved Chris gave his mother another hug. "Thanks Mom. I guess I'd better go make it up to Jen."

Jo placed a quick kiss on the top of her son's head. "I think that's a good idea but why don't you wait a bit. She's sleeping now." Chris nodded and she left the room. As soon as she was out of Chris's sight, she made a beeline for the living room, followed by the den and the family room. Sure enough, every picture which had Johnny Gage in it was gone and the other pictures moved as if to hide that any had ever been there. Even pictures that Johnny had taken of the family or the places he'd visited were gone, replaced by studio pictures.

Jo stared, with her hands on her hips, at the ugly painting now over her husband's desk in the den. "Just what is going on with you, Roy William DeSoto? You hate that painting my mother gave us and swore it would never 'grace any wall in my house as long as I live'. And to replace that lovely sunrise over the mountains Johnny took and had enlarged just for you with that . . .that monstrosity!" She looked over on the desk, now devoid of the pictures of the two men working on the old fire engine, of both grinning arm in arm beside the squad, of the whole crew near the engine. She looked closer and realized _everything_ that Johnny had given them or had any connection with was gone.

With a start, she recalled Chris's words. He was right. Roy never talked about his partner, had even changed the subject or gave quick dismissive answers when she'd question him. Then there was that unsettling encounter she'd had with Johnny at the store. And Johnny hadn't been over since . . .since . . .goodness, had the Memorial picnic been the last time? And he'd left early, after that . . .embarrassing scene. She shuddered as she recalled the hurtful words Amy Kent had spewed out. Johnny had disappeared after that, not even saying good-bye. "Oh Johnny. Roy said you had duty the next day and that's why you left early. You didn't, did you. I wonder if you've really been as busy as Roy's been telling me. No wonder you were so cold yesterday." In despair, she sank down in the chair, suddenly clearly and painfully aware of all the little subtle things that had been going on—like the Kents repeatedly being asked over almost every break. Sure, she liked Tammy well enough, and Marc was OK but he was no Johnny Gage. She missed her friend's bouncing step, infectious grin and laugh.

Knowing what she had to do, but shaking a little at what she was afraid to find out, she dialed Becky's number. The stoic engineer might not say much but his talkative wife made up for it. Becky wasn't a gossip but given the right questions and the right ear, she'd talk a mile a minute. Twenty minutes later, Jo hung up, her eyes filled with tears. Now she knew. She knew all the things her husband had been doing to his so called best friend. Why? The question still had no answer.

Jo bowed her head as tears filled her eyes. Then anger blossomed in her heart and grew outwards. "Enough is enough!" She cried as she marched from the den. As she threw a load of clothes into the washer she continued her tirade. "I don't know what you think you're doing, Roy William but I have. had. it!" She continued her under breath fuming as she began supper, banging pots on the stove in anger.

Roy entered the house a good 8 hours after he'd left it. Hearing the sound of the TV, he tiptoed into the living room. His wife sat on the couch, a basket of folded laundry in front of her, her arms crossed across her chest, her face impassively staring at the flickering images. He crept forward and gave her cheek a kiss. "Sorry it took so long, honey." He began, his voice both sheepish and apologetic. "Time just got away from us, you know how it is. Don't worry about food, Tammy ordered us pizza while we were in the garage." He looked around, "Where're the kids?"

Still not looking at her husband, she answered, "Roy, it's a school night. And it's after 10, where do you think they are?"

"Oh."

He sat down beside her and sighed. She remained staring straight ahead, her posture stiff. "I really am sorry." He murmured.

She faced him suddenly, her anger plainly displayed on her face. "You should be! I can't believe what you've done! How could you? After all he's done for you, for this family? Of all the cruel-hearted dirty underhanded . . ."

Confused, Roy threw his hands up in front of him and interrupted. "Whoa! Whoa! Why do I get the feeling there's more going on here then my missing dinner?" She stopped her outburst, her green eyes snapping in anger. "You'd better believe it."

Roy felt his own anger simmering just below the surface, "You want to catch me up? I'm a little lost on just what happened today."

Her eyes narrowed as she gave a curt nod, "Today? I refereed a fight between our children, noticed the redecorating you did in _my house_ without _my_ permission and had a loooong talk with Becky Stoker."

Still confused, Roy merely nodded and muttered, "OK."

Her eyes burned into his as she added, "Now yesterday . . .yesterday I ran into Johnny Gage at the store."

Suddenly everything became as clear as crystal to Roy.

**********************************************

Roy roared into the back parking lot at Station 51, accelerating as he threw the car into his slot and slammed on his brakes before he hit the wall, nearly sending himself through the windshield. He sat in his seat, breathing harshly through his nose, his hands white-knuckled on the steering wheel. The argument he'd had with his wife the previous night had began again this morning as soon as the kids had left for school.

He'd already been cranky as for the first time in nearly thirteen years of marriage, he'd spent the night locked out of his own bedroom by his angry wife. Her parting words this morning still rang in his ears. "I love you: I always have and I probably always will. But right now, I'm so angry at you I can barely stand the sight of you. You'd better get your head out of your ass and soon, before you lose everything over this. I'm not threatening to leave you, Roy. That isn't what this is about but you are in real danger of losing the one person who loves you as much if not more than those who share your name."

She'd moved forward then and placed a quick brief kiss on his cheek. Roy had been surprised by her action and the tears he saw glistening in her eyes. "I promised myself when you became a fireman that I'd never let you leave this house without a kiss and even this won't change that promise. However, you need to remember this; none of us are promised tomorrow, your job should have taught you that already. _**None **_of us." She stressed the words and he knew exactly what she meant. She finished with, "You'd better think long and hard over what is really important in your life."

"You ok there, pal?" Cap's voice at his open window startled Roy back into the here & now.

He looked up and sighed, "yeah, um. Just had a, um, sorta rough morning."

Cap nodded, being married himself, he understood. "Well, just checking. The way you roared in here, I thought at first it was Gage. Imagine my surprise to come out and see you!" He tried to inject humor.

At the sound of the object of the last 8 hours of hell he'd gone through, Roy's face darkened and his jaw clinched. Seeing the reaction, it was Cap's turn to sigh. '_Lovely. He's still angry with John. I'd thought they were beginning to make headway in that department.' _He moved backward quickly as Roy suddenly pushed open the door, muttering, "I need to get changed."

Cap watched him go, shaking his head in sorrow, "It's gonna be a looong shift. For all of us."

Roy stomped his way into locker room. Mike, seeing his face, quickly moved out of his way even though the senior medic didn't notice. He growled at Marc's cheerful greeting and yanked up his locker door.

He changed his clothes, ignoring the buttons which popped off his civilian shirt as he ripped it from his body. He slammed the door shut, hitting it again as the force made it rebound. He stomped his way toward the kitchen. Johnny had just moved toward the kitchen himself from the dorm and Roy pushed angrily against him. "Move your ass, Gage." He growled.

Johnny flinched away from him, moving hastily away and staying there until Roy had entered the kitchen and grabbed the coffee pot from Marco's hand. Johnny watched silently and big eyed as the older man poured himself a cup, and drank the liquid, clearly burning his mouth on the hot brew. "Way to go, Gage." Marc sneered at him as he too pushed past the younger paramedic. "I don't know what you've done to my partner now but you've really got him royally pissed off. Thanks for a miserable shift."

'_That hurt_!' Roy pressed his scorched tongue up to the roof of his mouth. His blue eyes suddenly locked on the hesitant figure in the doorway and he froze. Anger flashed through him then was instantly halted as Jo's parting words came to mind again. Johnny was pale, his eyes wide as he stared back. Roy realized, with chagrin, the younger man looked genuinely afraid of him and he recalled the slighter body flinching away from him.

Suddenly the terrifying images of the dreams again overlaid the living image before him. Jo was right; in his job he had learned things happened quickly and someone alive and well one moment could be dead the next. Again, the feelings of anger over his partner's perceived inability to protect Roy's precious daughter fought with his own guilt over the dreams he'd been suffering. Stubbornly he pushed them back. He wasn't ready to give up his current course, giving up meant he was wrong. No. That wasn't right, he wasn't too vain to admit he was wrong, he mentally corrected. No, giving up meant he had no control and to Roy that was by far worse.

The shift progressed through the morning with all the men, even Marc, walking on eggshells. Roy was back to his controlling attitude, not letting Johnny handle anything more than carrying equipment. Fortunately, they had only two minor calls, and neither required transport to Rampart. At roll call, Cap had assigned Johnny to help clean and hang hose with Mike. The younger paramedic had spent most of the morning in the back doing just that. Mike had tried to engage him in small talk but the paramedic remained silent. Lunchtime found the other six at the table with no sign of Gage.

Cap had found him sitting, head down, forlornly in his locker when he went looking. "Gage? Chow's on."

"Not hungry," came the soft expected answer.

Cap sighed. "You need to eat, John. You . . ."

"Owe it to the citizens of LA not to fall flat on my face during a rescue. I know. I already heard that lecture." Johnny's flat voice came. Cap winced as he recognized the words Roy had thrown at the junior paramedic at the picnic. His own voice soft, Cap continued, "No Johnny. I was going to say you need to eat to keep up your strength for your own health. We, all of us, are worried about you."

At hearing his captain call him by his nickname, Johnny had raised his head but now he shook it sadly. "Not all of you." He whispered. Cap sighed and dropped a hand on his hurting paramedic's thin shoulder.

"When you're ready, John."

Johnny nodded, his head dropping once more. "Maybe later, Cap, after . . ."

The sound of the tones dropping broke into his words and both instantly moved toward the bay.

"Station 51. Man down. 16989 South Garrison. 1-6-9-8-9 South Garrison. Cross street Whelming. Time out 13:35."

Before long, the squad and the engine pulled out of the station and roared off. On the scene, their 'man down' turned out to be a man who twisted his ankle while stepping off the curb. He grinned sheepishly at the firemen headed toward him. "Sorry guys. I asked my wife to call my brother. I didn't know she'd called you until I saw you pull up."

His clearly upset wife hovered nearby. "I had to, Matt! You could have a broken leg or or fallen and broken your neck!" Roy knelt beside the man. Johnny placed the needed boxes within his reach, then much to Cap's dislike, backed off. The wife pushed closer, questioning the senior paramedic's every move as he took the man's vitals while Marc called the hospital. Finally Roy looked up, his eyes glaring as he focused on his hesitant partner. "Make yourself useful." He barked.

Johnny flinched but knew what his partner meant. He placed his hands on the woman's shoulder's, giving her a charming smile when she turned toward him. "Ma'am? He's gonna be just fine. Why don't you come over here for a few moments and give me some information on what happened."

He kept the wife occupied until Roy announced they were ready to transport. "Meet us at Rampart." Roy ordered as he followed the gurney into the back of the ambulance. He yanked the biophone out of Johnny's hand and glared at the dark haired man. His eyes shifted to Kent and he gave a faint smile, "Marc, you ride with Gage. I'll see you in a few."

With a heavy sigh, Johnny closed the doors, secured them and gave two half-hearted slaps to the frame, letting the driver know all was closed up.

Johnny watched the ambulance holding his partner and the victim leave, an unreadable expression on his face. The awareness of a presence near him grounded him back to the here and now and he looked up and nodded toward Cap. "I'm going to Rampart." He knew his words were unnecessary but he had to say something before Cap did. Now it was Cap's turn to nod but for good measure he gave his youngest crewmember a supportive slap on the shoulder as he walked by.

Johnny walked toward the squad calling to Kent as he went. "Come on, we need to get to Rampart." Kent nodded, picked up the last bit of equipment. He shoved it into its bay and shut the door as Johnny removed his turnout coat and placed it in its bay. He took off his helmet, tossing it on the seat as he heaved a great sigh.

Kent had stored his coat and was climbing in as he watched Johnny freeze, a puzzled expression on his face as his nostrils flared. Kent sniffed the air but couldn't tell anything different in the smoggy L.A. air. Johnny, however, now had his head slightly raised as he continued to sniff. He turned slowly around, faced the buildings across the street, and slowly walked toward them.

Kent sighed at what he saw as the other man's weird behavior. "Come on Gage, stop messing around. Roy's gonna be waiting on us." He called but Johnny only raised a hand in a 'wait' motion as he tried the door of the store directly in front of him. Kent watched as Johnny's back went rigid and he whirled around, his face now a mask of professionalism. He ran back toward the squad, ignoring Kent's questions as he grabbed up the mic.

"LA Squad 51 still on scene. We have detected a strong odor of gas at this location. Be advised, Engine 51 is also still on scene." He didn't wait for the acknowledgment before he told the stunned trainee. "Move the squad. Now!" Then he was gone, turned back toward the building even as he hurried toward the engine. "Cap!"

Even as he called for his captain, Johnny saw a man walking up to the same door he'd just checked and, reversing his direction, called to him while moving toward him, "Hey, hey you!"

The man turned and saw a firefighter hurrying toward him. He stiffened as the younger man grabbed his elbow and led him quickly toward the blocked intersection where another firefighter, this one in full turnouts and wearing a black helmet with a white stripe down it, quickly approached them. "What . . .what are you doing? What is the meaning of this?" The portly man sputtered as his short legs tried to keep up with the black haired man who suddenly ceased dragging him. He shook his arm loose and shrugged his shoulders to resettle his suit coat, puffing slightly as he tried to settle his breathing as well.

"That your business there?" His accoster's dark eyes were intensive as they watched him.

"Why, y . . .yes. Yes it is. Why? What's happened? Why . . ." He started but the Johnny cut him off. "Is there anyone in there now?" By now Cap had reached them, his face also showing bewilderment as the HT in his pocket began sounding responses.

"John, what . . ."

"Cap, I smelled gas. It's really strong and it's coming from that building. I've already notified Dispatch." Johnny turned from the look of surprise on his captain's face and asked the man again. "Is there anyone in there?"

The man trembled as he realized what the young man meant but managed to shake his head while he searched for his voice. Johnny looked at the windows above the shop. "What about up there? Are those apartments? Is anyone up there?" Cap swore under his breath as he heard the location and number of units LA now called to their location.

"N . . .no." The man managed to stutter out. "No. No one there. They're being renovated. Oh God. If you hadn't stopped me . .." Johnny ignored him as he turned back to his Captain. "Kent's still in the squad; I told him to move it away.." He ran off as Cap took the pale man's arm saying, "Sir? Why don't you come over here with me."

He pulled the man toward the engine where the rest of the crew had heard the calls and stood waiting for orders.

Johnny ran back toward the squad shouting as he did, "Kent! Get out of there!"

Confused the trainee fumbled for the key in the ignition, looking up as Johnny's voice reached him. The older paramedic was shaking his head and motioning as he ran, "No time! Leave it! Get out of there now! Leave it!"

A popping sound caught Johnny's attention when he was a mere five feet from the squad and he turned back toward the building just as all hell cut loose. A fireball burst from the building front, shattering the large window, blowing off the door and even removing some of the facing. Johnny, standing in the middle of the street had no protection and no time. He tried to throw his arms up to cover his face and head while twisting his body away but the force caught him. He felt the power of the explosion pick him up, like a leaf in a headwind, and hurtle him hard into something metal. Pinging sounds echoed around him as the breath was driven from his body. A wave of intense heat blew over him then there was nothing.

Kent saw the fireball erupting from the building front, saw it hit the other paramedic, lifting him up just as things began hitting the squad. Instinctively he ducked, covering his head with his arms as something hit the squad hard enough to rock it on its wheels. Heat flowed like water over him then was gone. He lifted his head and looked out the driver's window. The building was now in flames as black smoke quickly filled the sky. He took a deep breath then blew it out. He noticed Johnny by the window, his face turned away from him, facing the devastation. "Wow. Some ride huh Gage?"

No answer came and he thought the other man now looked lower as he leaned with his back on the squad. Marc frowned, confused. "Gage? You alright?" He got out of the squad and started around the front.

Cap turned away from the fireball bursting out of the building, shielding the civilian as he did. From under the protection of his arm, he saw his junior paramedic attempt to protect himself as the fireball caught him. He watched in horror as the force picked up the slender man and slammed him into the driver's door of the squad. Immediately he stood. "John! Marco, Chet, get a line on that fire. Mike, charge the hose then come with me!" He ordered as he ran toward where Johnny was now slowly sliding down the side of the squad. He reached his fallen man just as Kent did.

At first there seemed to be no damage, Johnny's arms had dropped limply back to his sides and he was conscious, his mouth moving as if he tried to speak. His eyes were open but his gaze had a vacant look. Then they realized Johnny wasn't trying to talk; he was trying to breathe, trying to pull air into his battered chest. Finally he managed a gasp and it was quickly expelled in a groan.

"John?"

"Gage?"

Cap and Kent spoke at the same time. Slowly Johnny turned his head toward them. As his worried shiftmates watched, tiny specks of red appeared on his face, neck, chest and arms as if he'd been suddenly splattered with paint. Then those spots began to grow, spreading across his clothes and skin until they ran in red lines from his body. The pain hit him at the same time and he groaned, "Oh God!" as he stiffened.

Cap and Mike reached for him at the same time, controlling his descent as they gently placed him on the ground. "I'll get the equipment." Mike muttered as he left. Cap knelt beside his injured man, his hand reaching instinctively for a pulse even though he could see Johnny was still conscious. It beat fast beneath his fingers. The sound of more sirens pulled him away from the scene at his feet and he knew as the first on-scene it was his job to delegate the fire. He looked up, spotting Kent where he leaned against the hood of the squad, his face pale and his eyes wide.

"Kent!"

No response. Louder and with more command, Cap called out again.

"Kent! Pull yourself together man! He needs a paramedic!" Kent shook his head as if waking up. Mike dropped the trauma box, drug box and biophone beside Johnny and laid a gentle hand on the top of his shiftmate's head, the only place not streaming blood. "Johnny . . ."

Dark brown eyes looked up at him and Johnny gave him a faint grin. "I'll be fine, Mike, Cap. You . . .you've got . . the fire . . ." Cap nodded as he stood. "I'll be back to check on you, John." Hesitantly, the two left as Kent knelt in their place.

As Cap turned his back on his paramedic, he withdrew his HT. "LA, Engine 51. We have had an explosion at our location. Respond a third alarm. Be advised we also have a code-I. Respond another squad and an ambulance." Before he got his answer, he began directing the second engine that had just rolled up.

Kent looked the wounded paramedic over and shook his head. Blood. Blood everywhere. He'd never seen so much blood. The sight. The smell of it! He gagged and turned his head.

"Kent." A sharp voice caught his attention and he looked back. Johnny looked up at him, his mouth a firm line, his gaze intense. "Pay attention . . . trainee. You've got …a job to do."

Kent looked at his second mentor, tears in his eyes. "I . . .I don't know where to start?" He faintly spoke.

"Assess, ABC's . . . like always. Pressure bandages on worse . . .wounds. Then vitals." Johnny said. Kent's hand trembled violently as he fumbled in the trauma box. "Which . . .which wounds?" Johnny took a deep breath and tried to make his voice calm. "Whatever's bleeding the worse." Kent applied several bandages on his arms and one on his left cheek. Johnny could feel blood running across his chest and down his legs and told Kent. "Marc. Look on my chest . . .and legs too." Kent gave him a nod and began to open his shirt. Johnny tried a smile as he lifted a hand. He grasped his trainee's wrist and the other man froze, his eyes glued to the bloody hand holding him. "Marc. Don't worry . . .'bout saving shirt. That's what we . . .get uniform . . .allowance for."

Kent nodded back at him, a little bit steadier, and taking the material in his hands he grasped the shirt tight and tore. Buttons popped off and the motion caused white hot fire to flare through Johnny's body. His eyes widened as he gasped, his body rigid in pain. Instantly what little confidence Johnny had been able to instill in Kent evaporated. He pulled back from the injured man, shaking.

Johnny struggled through the waves of pain, knowing his only chance was to continue to talk the frightened man through his own treatment. "Marc. Vitals. Call . . . Rampart. Need permission . . .for IV."

Kent nodded, reassured by the fairly normal task. He took the wounded man's vitals, calling them off as he did. Then he grabbed the biophone and set it up. This, this he could do. This he was familiar with. Confidence returned as he began. "Rampart, this is Squad 51. Do you read me?"

Dr. Brackett had just passed the base station, heading for a sit down and a coffee when the light over the door went off. He grinned at Dix. "It never fails. I guess I'm just not meant to drink any coffee today." Dixie chuckled as she readied a chart while Brackett pushed the intercom.

"Rampart here, what have you got 51."

Kent smiled; he liked Dr. Brackett. _Dr. Brackett is the head of the ER and the Head of the paramedics. He'll tell me what to do._

"Rampart we have a firefighter, male, age . . . " He looked at Johnny who answered, "25"

"Age 25," Mark continued, "Victim of an explosion. He has multiple lacerations covering his face, arms, neck, chest, ummm, pretty much his whole body. Ummmmm."

Brackett frowned at Dix who gave a slight shrug. "Marc Kent. He's 51s trainee." Over the line, they could hear Johnny tell Kent. "Vitals . . give them vitals." a pause then, "Check ears . . .can't hear right." Then Kent's voice broke in. "Rampart, vitals are pulse 118, BP 128 over 78 respirations 28 and shallow. Ummm, I think he's hurting."

Brackett closed his eyes and counted to ten—quickly. Ok, for whatever reason Johnny was having the trainee handle this call. Well, he had to learn somehow. He jabbed the button so hard his thumb popped. He ignored it as he growled, "51 does the patient have any other injuries?"

"I don't know." Came Kent's answer.

Johnny sighed. _Boy this guy is so close to losing it_. The ringing in his ears was getting worse and his vision seemed to blur. "Marc." He put all the force he could into that call. Marc turned toward him, the receiver limp in his hands. "I hit . . .squad. P . .poss-ible con-concussion. My back . . .my back hurts too." Kent nodded and held up the receiver. "Patient is complaining of pain in his back and states he hit a vehicle from the force of the explosion." Suddenly he remembered how Johnny had been gasping for air when they first found him. "Also Rampart. When we first found him, he was gasping but not getting any air moving."

Brackett looked at Dr. Early who had just joined him. He nodded, "Concussion injuries. It fits with being caught in an explosion. The lacerations are probably debris."

Just as Brackett moved to hit the button again he heard Johnny say, "Tell them. You've pressure ban. . . bandages on worse. There is debris. Don't try removing . . .just secure." Both doctors nodded. Then Brackett realized that Johnny's voice had sounded funny. Breathy, as if he was under a strain. They heard Kent relay what Johnny had just told them.

Brackett sighed. _This is ridiculous. It's a good thing Johnny is there or I'd be very concerned about this patient. As it is, he could be going into shock. _ He frowned again as he pushed the button. "51 I still need pupilary responses and I want an update on his BP."

Kent dropped the receiver as he reached for his flashlight. Johnny bit back a groan at the pain the momentary light caused. _Yeap, concussion_. His vision blurred more and a cold feeling swept through his body. He'd been injured enough to know what that meant and grabbed again for Kent.

Marc had just finished relaying the pupil responses and said, "BP now 110 over 76" then jumped as Johnny's bloody hand grasped around his side then latched onto his coat. He looked at the paramedic at his feet and saw his eyes were wide and his breathing had increased as his mouth moved silently, then he gasped. "M . . Marc. IV . . .IV… Shock.. . . gonna . . .gonna pass . . . " Shivers shook the paramedic and as hard as he tried to remain conscious to help with his own treatment, he couldn't do it. Slowly his vision blackened, his eyes slid shut and his hand fell limply back to the pavement. Still slightly aware, he faintly heard Kent screaming at him, heard Brackett demanding information, and felt hands on his arms. As he felt someone begin shaking him, the resulting pain pushed him over and all awareness ended.

A loud voice, clearly panicked, caught Mike's attention.

"No! Don't pass out! You can't pass out! Wake up! You hear me; wake up damn you! You have to tell me what to do! What do I do? Damnit tell me what to do!"

He looked in the direction of the screaming and his lips thinned in displeasure at what he saw. He reached over and nudged Cap. "Cap! Kent's losing it!"

Cap looked first at his engineer then over toward the squad as the voice caught his attention. His eyes widened then narrowed as he saw the trainee lift his injured paramedic off the ground and fiercely shake him. The limpness of Johnny's body told Cap he was either unconscious – or worse. Swearing under his breath, he stomped over toward the confrontation. In his peripheral vision, he saw 110's squad pull to a rapid stop.

Kirk elbowed Tom, who was driving, as they pulled up and pointed out the window. "Is that 51's Trainee? What the hell's he think he's doing!" They both could see the new man held the victim up by his shoulders and was shaking him. The victim was obviously unconscious, his head hanging back and lolling with the shaking, mouth partly open. "Sweet Jesus," Tom Wheeler cussed as he threw the door open. "Where the hell's DeSoto and Gage?" Kirk didn't reply as both men raced toward the scene.

They arrived at the confrontation at the same time as 51's captain, who, by the look on his face, was very near to violence. "Kent! Stop!" He grabbed the trainee's hands and carefully removed the paramedic from him, easing the injured man gently back to the pavement before shoving the trainee back. He looked at the two quickly approaching paramedics with blazing eyes, "You two, take care of John. You!" he turned his gaze back on Kent, " Get back unless they need you."

Puzzled by the command but with training taking over, both paramedics dropped to their knees and began a rapid assessment. Instantly 51's captain's words made sense as they recognized the victim. Tom swore again and Kirk just sighed, "Oh, Johnny-boy."

"What happened?" Kirk bit out, checking the bloody bandages and slapping more on top of the seeping ones as his partner began taking vitals. A quick flick of his scissors removed Johnny's t-shirt and he slapped more bandages on the seeping wounds there.

Cap knelt next to them, "John got caught about 10 feet from the gas explosion that started that." He nodded toward the still blazing building. "He smelled it, called it in and was running back to get Kent out of the squad when it blew. The force threw him into the side of the squad. He was conscious until just a moment ago." Cap made a short summery.

Squawking from the biophone sounded again and they all heard Brackett's voice yelling, "51! What is happening? Put Gage on the line! 51, turn the line over to Paramedic Gage now! 51 answer, do you copy?"

"Keep your britches on, Doc, we're a little busy right now trying to save 'Paramedic Gage'." Kirk's soft southern drawl muttered as he examined his friend. "Tom, his hands still have pieces in them, pretty deeply penetrated. His right one is pretty bad, I'd guess tendon damage by the look. I'm stabilizing them and covering them now."

Both paramedics were aware of Cap's nodding, "He threw his hands up over his head, trying to protect himself."

Tom finished recording the vitals and moved to Johnny's face and head, searching the area as he placed a c- collar on his fellow paramedic. "Yeap, lump on the back. Pupils are dilated and a little slow. Ahhh, shhhiiit." Kirk looked up as Tom frowned. "He's bleeding from the right ear."

"H. . .he," a weak voice began, stopped then came back stronger, "He said he was having trouble hearing. Right before he . . ." Kent stopped, dropping his head back down. He knew he had failed Gage and in doing so had failed Roy. That hurt him worse.

Kirk sighed, "Well, could be an eardrum . . .?"

Tom gave a curt nod, "Breathings getting a little ragged." He grabbed up a BVM and motioned to Kent. "You! I'm sure you know how to work one of these. Do it!" he watched a few moments as Kent forced air into Johnny's lungs, assisting the wounded man's labored breathing, then continued with his treatment. Kirk reached for the biophone just as Brackett's angry voice came across again, "Rampart will be able to tell if it's an eardrum later, Tom. Better get permission for an IV. He's losing a lot of blood." He pulled the IV set-up, knowing the order would be given.

Back at Rampart the two doctors exchanged worried looks at the strange noises coming over the line. Brackett hit the switch again and demanded. "Put Gage on the line. 51, turn the line over to Paramedic Gage now!"

Silence.

Then, "Rampart this is Rescue 110. We are taking over 51's patient. Victim is now unconscious. The bleeding is mostly under control with heavy bleeding still coming from victim's right hand and left lower quadrant of the abdomen. Glass is visible in wound site. We have immobilized it. Spine and neck precautions have been initiated. Pulse is now 120, BP 96/ 68. Pupils are dilated, slow and unequal but reactive. There is blood in the right ear. There is a large knot on the basal area of the skull but no depression. Respirations are 26, and labored. We are assisting with O2 on BVM 11 lpm. Skin is pale, cool and clammy. The chest area is beginning to show marked contusions. Also victim is showing burns on his arms, face and neck. Sterile dressings and saline have been applied as able. Request permission to start IV." Kirk Mueller's thick southern accent came cleanly across the line and Early and Dix released the breath they didn't know they had been holding.

"Request granted 110, start IVs bilaterally, large bore, wide open, ringers lactate and get him in here. I want vitals every five minutes while you transport." Brackett bellowed.

"IV both arms. Ringers lactate, Large bore and wide open. Ambulance is on scene. ETA 10 minutes, Rampart."

Silence again.

"Dix,"

"I've already got treatment 3 set up." She replied before he could ask. He smiled, "Good girl"

She cocked her head coyly and shrugged, "Well, I try." Then she frowned and voiced the thought they all had had. "Wonder what happened to Johnny? Why didn't he take over care? We all heard him . . .there . . ." Her eyes widened as she looked at the others and saw by their faces they shared the thought. Suddenly the speaker squawked again.

"Rampart, 110." This time it was Wheeler's voice and they could hear the ambulance siren in the background.

"Go ahead, 110."

"Rampart, negative on one IV. Victims arms are so cut up and burned we could only get one started. BP is holding at 100/68."

Brackett sighed, "Piggy back a saline on the line started, 110."

"10-4 Rampart."

Brackett's mouth twitched and he frowned then hit the button again. "110 when you came on scene. Where was Paramedic Gage?" He knew it wasn't protocol but he had to ask_. I need to know,--to order his blood type._ He tried to justify his question. In the ambulance, Tom and Kirk shared a look over the top of their critically injured co-worker. Then Kirk depressed the receiver. "Uhhh, Rampart. 51s victim, our victim _is _John Gage."

With a heavy heart Brackett acknowledged, "10-4 110."

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	15. Chapter 15

OK, finals are over and you all plead so nicely here's another Christmas present. I've been asked about the timeline. This is the last shift of the second week since Jenny's accident so just over two weeks have past. Hope you enjoy!

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Roy missed most of the call Captain Stanley had made back to headquarters because of the flushing toilet and the running water but he did catch the request for more equipment, another squad and another ambulance to their location. It only served to anger him more. "Great, Gage. Because you're dawdling Cap had to call out for another squad to replace us. Where the hell are you?" He left the room and took to pacing in the doctor's lounge. He glanced back at his watch for the hundredth time. Nearly 20 minutes had passed since he'd left the accident scene.

Frowning, he walked back out into the hallway and up to the desk where Dixie sat, the ever present stack of charts spread out before her. She looked up with a smile, which faltered at his black countenance. "Don't worry, Roy," she began but Roy made a dismissive motion with his hand. "Where is he? It should have only taken about fifteen minutes to get here from the scene. Even if he ran into traffic he should be here by now."

Dix looked back toward the radio behind her, "Well, they might be a little busy right now. I heard him call in . . ."

But Roy wasn't listening and interrupted again, "I heard Cap call for reinforcements." He growled. "If Gage had been here like he was supposed to we could have returned to the scene for Cap. But noooooo, he's off joyriding somewhere around LA like an over grown teenager with his daddy's car."

Now it was Dixie's turn to frown darkly. She carefully placed her pencil on her desk. "Now Roy. You and I both know Johnny . . ."

"is rash, immature, irresponsible and sometimes down right untrustworthy." Roy completed her sentence. Dix drew herself up, her manner cold, her eyes flashing. "That is not what I was going to say!" She snapped. "And we both know that is not true! John Gage . . ."

"Is an overgrown kid who acts worse then a pre-pubescent teenager most the time." Roy interrupted yet again. He snorted in disgust, "Dixie, face it. He's got you all mushy with his big-eyed little boy looks and silly grin just like every other female around. You are way too easy on him; you forgive him way too much." Roy slapped the desktop in his frustration. Dix stared at him in disbelief. '_Does he believe that load of …? He knows Johnny perhaps better than anyone, how can he . . . .? Lord Have Mercy! Things are much worse than I thought_.'

Before she could organize her racing thoughts into the blistering response she wanted to blast the paramedic with, the phone behind her rang. "Pardon me, duty calls." She said coldly and turned her back on Roy who muttered darkly and stalked off. Just then Brackett came by, glancing once at the rapidly disappearing paramedic, "What is Roy's problem?" He asked as Dixie hung the receiver up.

Dixie's face twisted into a scowl, "Same old thing. Kel, I'm really beginning to worry about this. The things Roy was just saying about Johnny . . ." She shook her head as she told the ER Head what had just transpired. Brackett frowned. "You're right; this is getting to the point where it sounds like it's beginning to affect their work. I guess it's time I set them down for a talk." Dixie nodded, her face scrunched up with worry.

Brackett smiled at her, "Don't worry Dix," he soothed, "I'm sure it will all work out well in the end."

Dixie tilted her head, lifted an eyebrow and wrinkled up the side of her mouth in disbelief, "Well, maybe, but I'm just worried about what might happen first."

Brackett smiled as he patted her arm. "I'm going to get a cup of coffee and hopefully a moments rest." But before the doctor could make it very far, the light over the base station began going off and a voice called, "Rampart, this is Squad 51. Do you read me?" The two exchanged looks as Brackett shook his head, "It never fails. I guess I'm just not meant to drink any coffee today."

Fifteen tense minutes and several heart stopping moments later, both Drs. Early and Brackett stood ready near the swinging doors while Dix hovered anxiously behind them. The sound of an ambulance siren became louder and from past experience the trio knew the awaited vehicle would just be entering the hospital complex.

Unexpectedly, the glass doors opened and a bedraggled bloody figure staggered in, clutching a misshapen arm to his body. He spied the three standing there and called out, "Thank God! I need some help here!"

Immediately, Dix grabbed a wheelchair and moved it toward him while Dr. Brackett stepped forward, swiftly looking over the injured man. "Kel, four is ready." Dixie said even as she caught another nurse's eye who rushed forward to take the man into said room. Brackett looked once toward the glass doors, seeing the awaited ambulance now backing up.

"Go, Kel. I've got him." Dr. Early's calm voice came. Brackett spared his colleague a quick grin, knowing Johnny would be in good hands and knowing that as soon as he could, he too would be at the wounded paramedic's side.

Dr. Early pushed through the doors just as the driver ran around the vehicle and both reached for the ambulance doors. However, they swung open from the inside before either man could touch them. Wheeler jumped out quickly, released the catches on the gurney and pulled it out. Kirk followed the gurney out, holding the IV bags high in his hands.

"His BP is up slightly, now reading 108/72. His respirations are better too so we switched him to a nonrebreather 11 lpm. He's been showing signs of coming back around. We had to tourniquet his right arm; it was the only way to stop that bleeding. That was five minutes ago." Kirk made a fast report as the group trotted down the hall and disappeared into room 3. With quick efficiency, the four men transferred the injured paramedic from the gurney to the exam table. Each man paused briefly to mutter, "Good luck Gage" before they took the gurney back out of the room.

Dr. Early leaned over the table, smiling at the sight of dark brown eyes blinking up at him. "Hello Johnny," he greeted and saw the answering upturn of lips under the mask. Then the doctor became all business. "Carol, get a new set of vitals and get the rest of those clothes off him. Notify x-ray, I want them in here yesterday." He paused in his orders as he began his exam but still called out the tests he wanted done even as his fingers searched out and carefully examined each wound. The two nurses swarmed around the table, drawing blood, removing his clothes, setting up a Foley catheter all in a quick practiced fashion.

Dixie paused in her ministrations to lock gazes with the brown eyes watching her. She smiled softly and saw his lips turn upward again. "Ssssorry," he stuttered.

"You've nothing to be sorry for," Early intervened. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Johnny made a face which turned into a grimace of pain, "D . .dn't run . . .fast enuf."

Dr. Early chuckled briefly then caught Dixie's eye. "Dix, call Dr. Bentley; I want him on a consult. And see if you can find out what the delay is on that blood." He placed a gentle hand on the paramedic's shoulder and waited until Johnny carefully turned his eyes toward him. "Just relax Johnny, we'll take good care of you."

Any answer the young paramedic might have been ready to give was lost as an angry figure burst through the treatment room door.

As Roy headed down the hall, he again raised the HT to his mouth and depressed the call button. "HT 51 to Squad 51 come in."

Nothing.

"HT 51 to Squad 51, answer please."

Still nothing. Roy ground his teeth. Looking around, he found himself near the cafeteria and the smell of food made his stomach growl and his mouth water. He quickly went through the line picking up a plate of some sort of tuna casserole and coffee. While he ate, he continued to think dark thoughts over his missing partner. Another glance at his watch showed another 15 minutes had passed. He took care of his tray, tried calling the squad yet again and went to relieve himself of recycled coffee. As he stalked back toward the ER another look at his watch showed it was now nearly 45 minutes since he'd left Johnny at the scene.

Still muttering dark curses under his breath, Roy burst through the elevator and nearly ran into Kent just approaching the nurse's station. "About time you got here! Where the hell is Gage?"

Shocked speechless at the paramedic's outburst, Kent glanced at the treatment door he'd seen a brief glimpse of their fallen shiftmate through. Still muttering under his breath Roy shoved the door open. In his anger, the only thing his sight registered was his partner's face turning toward him. "Where the hell were you? Just how immature can you be! We can't stay unavailable while you take department equipment on a leisure drive; people need us to be out on the street. Don't you realize when you're wearing that uniform your time is the department's time? Don't you have any sense of responsibility?"

"Yes," Johnny mumbled from under the mask he wore.

"You should have been here a half hour ago. It only takes 15 minutes max to get from the scene to here. If I can't trust you to drive the squad straight here from now on, you'll accompany the patient. If I can't trust you to even do that, then maybe you should be in another line of work. I can't babysit you while you act like an irresponsible teen."

"I'm sorry, Roy," Johnny's voice was barely a whisper, though Roy didn't seem to notice as he geared up with more reprimands to what his mind told him was his partner's irresponsibility, totally oblivious of the shocked expressions Dr. Early shared with Carol and Dixie.

In two quick steps Roy loomed over the figure on the table, his eyes flashing with anger. "You're sorry! You're sorry! That's all you seem capable of lately, saying you're sorry. Well I admit, you _are _sorry. As sorry a piece of work as I've ever seen. How you ever . . . ."

Roy continued as Johnny's eyes slowly closed while he still whispered, "I'm sorry, . . 'm . . .sor—ry, . . sor . . ."

"Doctor, his pressure is dropping, 78/66" Carol interrupted. Instantly the previously stunned emergency room crew energized into action. "Get me a set up for a central line. Carol, where's that blood I ordered?" He looked down at his patient, noting the pale wax-like features, the fluttering eyes. "Johnny? Stay with us here! Johnny!" He rubbed hard on the injured man's sternum but only got a slight twitch of one hand in reaction.

For the first time, Roy looked around, noticing his partner lay on the exam table with his bloody uniform cut from his body. Multiple formerly white dressings, now stained red, covered Johnny's torso and legs while other less severe cuts oozed life from his face, neck, arms—just about everywhere else. On his bared chest, Roy could see the dark discoloring of bruises between the reddened patches.

The activity around the table forced Roy back against the wall where he watched the frenzied action wide-eyed. "What happened?" he whispered not expecting an answer and jumped when he got one.

"Gas explosion in one of the stores near your last rescue." Dixie replied, remembering the heart stopping words she'd heard Johnny speak over the dispatch radio moments before Cap called for more units after the explosion. The door burst open and Kelly Brackett strode in. He glanced once at the figure on the table and faced Dr. Early, even as he grabbed the chart out of the nurse's hand. "How's he doing?"

"Not too good right now. We can't get this bleeding under control so we need to try and stabilize him as much as possible then get him up to surgery. He's got several pieces imbedded pretty deeply and I don't like the look of his right hand." Dr. Early replied as he finished placing the catheter into Johnny's chest. Brackett lifted the bandage over the area on Johnny's lower abdomen and his face twitched. Then he pulled back the dressings on his right hand. "Yeah, you're right. That piece nearly went through. Dix, call Dr. Bentley. We're going to need his magic if he'll ever have use of that hand again."

Dixie exchanged a brief look with Dr. Early as she nodded and stepped to the phone just as Carol hung it up. "OR 2 is ready and waiting for us, Doctor." She said and as she did, an orderly opened the door, carrying in his hand two bags of blood. Dr. Early saw it, "Good. Carol get that blood into him on the central. Kel, better add an Otologist to that list. Looks like he ruptured his right eardrum."

Kel's mouth twitched again, "Blown TM? Damn, that means other possible blast injuries. Has x-ray been notified yet?" Carol nodded. He grunted, "Good. Make sure they do abdominal and skull as well as thoracic. We'll have to be aware of torn intestines or blast lung."

"I already ordered them Kel," Joe interrupted with a faint smile, "I'm on it."

Carol completed attaching the blood to the line going into Johnny's subclavical vein and quickly took vitals again. "Pulse now 56 and strengthening, BP 84/56. Respirations 22."

Dr. Early breathed a sigh, "Good, he's stabilizing. All right people, let's get him prepped. He's got a date upstairs. Carol, get me a set up for an ET tube. If he does have blast lung it might not show yet on the x-rays and I want him on high O2 support until we can rule that out."

He looked up as the x-ray machine rumbled through the doorway. "I need a full skull series as well as thoracic, abdominal, and spinal and I need them ASAP. Bring them up to OR2 as soon as they are done." He looked back at Kel, "You gonna help? We've got a lot of debrising to do on our young friend." Kel nodded his head as he slapped the other doctor's shoulder. "I wouldn't miss it."

Kel looked over to where Roy stood, his hands white as he gripped the Handi-talkie, his eyes glued to his partner's still form.

'_Blast injuries, oh God. Brain trauma, possible hemorrhaging intestines, blast lung—all injuries indicative of being caught in an explosion—all potentially fatal,_' these facts raced through Roy's mind as he stared at the bruised bloodied form of his junior partner.

The door pushed open again and other doctor walked in. "Kel? What we got?" he asked as his gaze swept around the room. He settled briefly on Roy and smiled, "Mr. De Soto! How that little girl of yours?" Roy merely nodded as Dr. Early caught the new arrival's attention. "Ken? Take a look at this?" He followed over to Johnny's side and carefully examined his wounded right hand. He reached out and picked up the other hand, looking it over as well then pulled back the dressings over Johnny's abdomen. He stood, "You have a room ready?" Early nodded. Bentley laid a gentle hand on Johnny's shoulder and smiled at the young man who peered blearily at him from half closed eyes, "Don't you worry about a thing, Johnny. You'll be in good hands soon—mine. I'll do everything I can for you." Johnny gave a faint nod and closed his eyes again. The three doctors, Roy and the nurses all left so that the x-ray tech could do his thing. Once in the hallway, Kel cocked his head at Bentley and asked, "Well?"

Bentley raised his eyebrows and sighed, "There is significant damage to the hand. Initially I'd say he's severed both the flexor and the extensor tendons in his right hand and possibly his left as well. I'll know more after I get in there but surgery is a given if he is to have any use of those hands later on." Both Kel and Early exchanged worried looks and Kel sighed, "That was about what we figured as well."

Ken smiled brightly, "Never fear! I am an expert in my field. We'll have young Robin back paramedicing in no time." Both doctors grinned faintly at his levity. Ken turned his attention to Roy who, since being moved out of the treatment room, hadn't made any other voluntary movement. "Don't look so worried, Mr. DeSoto. As I told your young partner, he's in good hands." He smiled again. "I wouldn't let anything happen to young Jenny's Uncle Johnny!" At that, Roy's head came up and he stared at the doctor in front of him.

Ken nodded, "Yes. Kel here can tell you how impressed I was over the diligent care your partner gave the girl. I've been hearing a lot of good things about you two. And not just from your number one fan, Miss Jenny!"

Roy looked surprised and blinked, "He . . .he did?"

"Of course he did Roy!" Dixie cut in, her voice chiding but her gaze sharp. "Do you expect him to give any less then his best?"

Ashamed suddenly, Roy dropped his gaze back to his feet. "No," he muttered, "I guess not."

The moment was ended as the x-ray machine rumbled back out of the room and the three doctors headed off. Soon the door opened again and two orderlies wheeled the gurney out. Roy watched his partner until he disappeared into the elevator, then turned and headed in the opposite direction.

He found himself near the emergency doors and paused. A hand on his shoulder caused him to turn around and he looked into the worried faces of Tom Wheeler and Kirk Mueller. "Thanks guys," he murmured.

Both nodded, "How's Johnny?" Tom asked.

Roy shrugged, "His . . .uh BP dropped and they still couldn't stop the bleeding. They've . . .uh. . .taken . ..him on up to surgery."

The two 110's medics exchanged a look and shook their heads. "Damn." Tom commented.

"What about his hands? Did they say anything about his hands?" Kirk wondered. Roy nodded and told them what the surgeon had told him. Silence reigned as Kirk slid his own hands deep into his pockets and Tom wiped a hand down his face.

"Roy," he began with a shake of his head, "I tell you. When we rolled up on the scene and saw that trainee of yours shaking the stuffings out of Gage, screaming at him like some sort of demented creature . . ."

Roy's head came up, "What?"

The two nodded, "Yeah, didn't you know?" With that, they told him about what had happened on scene, how Kent hadn't treated Johnny's wounds or started an IV or even started the unconscious man on O2. Roy just listened, stunned. Then suddenly the HT in Kirk's hand went off and after another sympathetic set of back slaps and requests for updates, the two raced off.

Roy followed them slowly, stopping by the driver's side of squad 51. He could see the pitted marks and imagined the debris striking the vehicle. Traces of deep brownish red splotches coated the running board and he knew it was blood. He reached a trembling hand out, tracing the dent in the door, knowing it was the outline of Johnny's body.

Roy had no idea how long he stood there, gazing at the door of the squad while all the things that had happened in the last 48 hours coiled around in his brain. He was still standing there when the smell of perfume reached his nose and a manicured hand lay gently on his elbow.

"Roy." Dixie's soft voice tickled his ear. "Come back inside. There's coffee." The head nurse led the senior paramedic for 51 back into the ER, past where Kent stood by the door. She looked the trainee in the face as they passed, saw the look of shame and the downcast eyes before the other man turned from her and sighed. He'd already confessed his actions to her earlier and she'd heard the report given by the medics from 110's. She shook her head as she led the sad entourage toward the lounge. '_Oh Roy. When you set out on this misguided campaign, I'm sure you had no idea what a mess you'd be creating._' She knew there would be consequences that would have to be faced and questions that would have to be answered, she hoped she could be there to guide all those involved.

She made sure both men were seated and had a fresh cup of coffee in front of them before she left to check on yet another friend still in surgery.

Kent sat for a long time, staring blankly into his cooling coffee with occasional stealth glances at the man in front of him. Roy's face remained blank, his eyes fixed on some location in the distance. Finally, he took a deep breath and began, "Roy? I'm . . .I'm sorry."

Roy shifted his gaze toward Kent and gave a halfhearted nod. Kent took that as encouragement and continued, "I was just . . .surprised, you know? And . . .and caught off guard. I mean, one moment we're packing up and then Gage is wondering off by himself then suddenly he's running at me, screaming something and . . .and then all hell broke loose." Roy continued looking at him but made no comment so Kent felt a little bit more confident. He gave a slight grin, "I mean, after all, I can't read Gage's mind, I had no idea what he was doing. I thought he was just fooling around—again."

Again Roy merely gave a faint nod. Kent started to relax. '_This might not go so badly after all, I mean Gage is alive so no harm done. Roy doesn't seem to think I screwed up_.' He sat back further in his seat and grinned, "This could be a good thing. With Gage out of the way, you and I will have more time together at scenes. I tell you, I'm really looking forward to spending more intense training time with you."

The words Kent was speaking slowly began to penetrate the numbness Roy felt surrounded with but before he could respond the door opened and four very dirty firemen entered.

"How's Johnny?" came the immediate questions.

Kent looked up and smiled, "He's alive.' He restated and wondered at the hard glare given him by the others. He thought he'd gotten along fairly well with the engine crew up until now. '_No matter,' _he thought with a shrug_, 'They're just fireman. The only one who matters is Roy. Oh, and Cap, his opinion is important too_.' Ignoring Kent, four sets of eager eyes turned to Roy, "Roy, how is he?"

Roy looked down at his hands, "I don't know. He was still pretty unstable when they took him up. He's in surgery now. Dr. Bentley thinks he might be able to repair his hands. He might . . ." He paused as that horrible list came to mind again, "He might have blast injuries. They are checking on that."

All four had had enough training to understand the potential seriousness but maybe not all the medical ramifications of what Roy said. However, each had seen what being caught in an explosion could do to a human body. Chet swore under his breath and turned away. Marco closed his eyes and began muttering in Spanish while Mike dropped his head. Cap sighed loudly, "Well. uh, Roy? I'm sorry but I can't pull you off duty. We're too short handed. Headquarters wants you to take the squad over to maintenance and get a spare then report back to the barn. John's replacement should be in by then."

Roy nodded and stood. Each of the other men slapped Roy on the back and murmured words of encouragement as the pair walked toward the door. Once there Roy turned again and faced his captain, "Cap?" The look in his eyes told more than his words could express.

Cap smiled and dropped a hand onto his senior paramedic's shoulder, "We'll wait here as long as they let us. Chief stood us down for a while so we could. Don't worry, as soon as they let us know, I'll let you know." He looked his friend in the eye, "He's got the best doctors working on him, Roy." Roy gave a faint nod, knowing it was true but still unsettled. The weird twisting emotions keep flowing through him but didn't seem to be affecting him.

He felt . . . nothing.

Without another word, he left, Kent right behind him. The ride to the maintenance shed was a blur for Roy. He was faintly aware of Kent jabbering happily but never heard a word he said. Unbidden a clear thought came to him, '_He jabbers worse than Gage. Gage would know I am upset. He would be concerned about how I am, not sitting there blabbering on oblivious_.' As fast as that thought came, came another which hit him so hard, he nearly gasped under the impact.

'_I miss Johnny_.'

Back in the lounge, three sets of eyes turned to their boss. "Cap?"

Cap held up a hand, "I know nothing more that I just told them, at least right now."

Chet inhaled deeply but Cap cut him off, "There will be an inquiry as there is anytime a fireman is injured on duty. Each of you will be required to fill out an incident report as usual. Any other decisions will be made higher up." He knew that wasn't what his crew wanted to hear, but it was the way things were. He sighed heavily and wiped a hand down his own face. Whenever he closed his own eyes, he saw again the chilling sight of Kent viciously shaking Johnny's unconscious body. '_My God! Did he hurt him worse doing that? I saw 110's put him in a c-collar and backboard him before they moved him, could that shaking have hurt him worse?. I shouldn't have left him with Kent._' But even as he felt the guilt from that thought, he knew there was nothing else he could have done. Johnny had been right; his responsibility had been as incident commander until relieved by the Chief. And everyone had thought Kent's training was going well. Who knew he would blow it when it came to crunchtime?

He glanced at his men. Each had moved off into a chair, tiredness clinging to their bodies as much as the soot on their faces. "Why don't you take turns going and getting cleaned up alittle. I'm sure it'll be a while before we get any news." Nodding, Marco and Chet left. Mike stayed, his gaze on his feet. Cap watched him silently, instinctively knowing his second-in-command was deeply troubled. "Mike?"

Mike shook his head, "I knew something like this was gonna happen, Cap. I saw it coming. I saw it coming and yet there was still nothing I could do to stop it."

"Now Mike," Cap began, "No one could know that there was a gas leak there. We're just damn lucky John smelled it and reacted as fast as he did. No one knew he'd be hurt by it.'

Mike shook his head, "No, Cap. That's not it." Then he chuckled slightly, "Although, of all of us to catch the leak, it would be Johnny."

Cap returned the chuckle as he completed the thought, "And of all of us to be caught in the blast, it would be John." The two shared a fond smile for their young 'adventurous' co-worker at that thought. Then Mike turned serious again, "No, Cap. That's not what I meant. I mean I saw how Kent was acting on scenes. He wasn't really helping anywhere. He let Johnny do most of the work, even when Roy told him to do something. He never did anything without Roy telling him to do it. The most I've seen him do on his own is talk to Rampart and pull dressings. I was afraid that if it came to the point where he'd have to act on his own initiative, he wouldn't and now? Well?" Mike ran his hands over his tired face then dropped his head into them. His voice muffled now, he finished with a quiet, "I keep seeing him shake Johnny."

Cap moved closer and patted his engineer's shoulder, "I know. Me too."

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	16. Chapter 16

Ok, Hope all had a Happy Holiday. To clear up some more questions, yes Kent is a class graduated paramedic but moved to LA before any field work. As any EMS worker can tell you, there is a big difference between what is done in class or with an experienced team working beside you and doing it all by your lonesome.

My timeline is a little different from others. I figure each season was about two years since some episodes covered more than one shift and all EMS workers know it isn't that exciting all the time (or we'd all be burned out really quick)

Also, for you "Love to Hate Kent" fans, here's more fuel to add to that fire. Don't worry, there's some nice revenge planned for him too.

Those of you eager to here about Johnny, sorry. Not much about him in this one, but I promise the next one is chocked full of Johnny.

Poor Roy is getting repeated hits from that Clue bus but look out! That light ahead ISN"T the end of the tunnel!!

Enjoy and as always, I fuel on your feedback!!

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Roy pulled the replacement squad carefully into the bay, noticing that the engine was already back. He also noticed Cap standing near his office door. With his heart in his throat, Roy carefully shut off the squad and looked at his leader. Nothing showed on the man's face and Roy found it suddenly difficult to take a deep breath. The numb feeling still prevailed as he managed to ask, "What's up, Cap?" He was pleased his voice sounded nearly normal. Cap came forward.

"John's out of surgery. Dr. Brackett said things went about as expected with the debrisng. I guess he lost quite a bit of blood; he said you'd understand that."

Roy nodded, "They're probably watching for reactions in his kidneys and other organs. They are affected by severe blood loss. What about the concussion injuries?"

Cap sighed and pulled a small notebook out of his pocket, "Uhhh, moderate concussion, his back and whole left side is really bruised from hitting the squad. They think he hurt his neck too—something like whiplash, however they found no evidence of the brain trauma they feared. His intestines were fine, but they don't know about the lungs since it might not show for awhile."

Again Roy nodded, "Yeah, blast lung can show up as long as 48 hours later."

Cap looked back at his notes, "They got all the glass out. Luckily, the one in his gut hadn't punctured any organs but it was deep and tore through several of the capillaries leading from the artery supplying blood to his colon. I guess they had a time getting the bleeding stopped and everything reconnected. The burns are mostly first degree, some second on his forearms where he used them to cover his head. His hands, however, . . ." he paused to take a deep breath before he continued, "Dr. Bentley said his right hand did have the most damage, the tendons were completely severed on the front and back and he had to uhhh, 'go deep' to get them. He got them reattached though. His left hand was better with only one tendon cut but not severed. They said they don't know yet how much nerve damage there is." He flipped the booklet shut and looked at his senior paramedic, "Roy? They said it could have been much worse. If he hadn't been in an open area of the blast cone . . ."

"He'd be dead." Kent solemnly finished. He shook his head in mock concern then chuckled as he slapped his hand on Roy's shoulder, "Well? Looks like ole Gage dodged another bullet. Come on, I'm hungry. Let's see if Marco has supper yet."

Roy barely heard, he was still thinking about what Cap had just told him. He knew how difficult the surgery would have been to retrieve the severed tendons and then reattach them. Tendons were similar to rubber bands in that they were under tension so when they snapped, they drew back away from the area they should be. There would be no guarantees the reattachment would take and even if it did, there would have to be weeks of intensive physical therapy before John would even be able to use his hands.

Cap, however had refocused on the other man. His face again professional he said, "Not so fast, Kent. I would like to see you in my office."

Kent looked at him and frowned, "Oh. Ok. I'll be there right after I get something to eat. It's been hours since lunch."

Cap stared steadily at the younger man, "That wasn't a suggestion, Kent." He intoned. Marc hesitated, glanced at Roy who gave a faint nod, so with a heavy sigh he headed toward Cap's office. Cap looked up at Roy. "Hanks will be in in about an hour. Until then, the squad is stood down." He told his senior paramedic then turned and walked into his office, shutting the door behind him.

Roy stood there for several more moments, his gaze on the closed door but his mind elsewhere. Finally, with a sigh, he left the bay and wandered toward the kitchen. Working mainly on reflex, he got a cup from the cupboard, filled it with coffee, and sat at the kitchen table. His eyes never focused once and the coffee sat in front of him, forgotten.

Marco and Mike exchanged glances, neither one knowing what to say. Chet took a drink of his own coffee then opened his mouth. Before he could say anything, Roy cut him off. "Not one word, Kelly. I don't want to hear one word. Got it?"

Chet nodded as he answered, "Got it." He finished his coffee, rinsed out his cup and left the room. Roy didn't seem to notice that or when Mike and Marco left also.

Inside Roy's mind that two voiced debate had once again started. '_What happened?' _one voice asked, '_Everything was fine when I left_.' Unbidden his wife's words from the morning returned, "none of us are promised tomorrow, your job should have taught you that already. _**None **_of us." He silently acknowledged her words, '_Yeah, things can change in a second,_ he paused, _in a heartbeat_.'

Then that side of him which had seemed to be in control over the last two weeks reared up again, '_Not paying attention to the scene again, I bet. That Gage is a menace and a disaster just wanting to happen. Thank God only he got caught in it and not some innocent._' Roy frowned as he thought somehow that voice didn't seem as loud or as sure as it had before.

He remembered what Kent had told him, about how Gage was just acting strange and wandered off to come running back screaming incoherently at him. '_He should have let Marc know what was going on before it got so bad._' That thought gave him pause again as he remembered Tom's words about Kent shaking Johnny after he'd passed out. '_probably just trying to get a response. Bet it wasn't as bad as Wheeler was making it out to be_.' He chuckled, '_After all, we all know Wheeler has a flair for the dramatic_.' He nodded to himself, '_Yeah, that's it. It's just lucky Kent wasn't hurt also. Gage's inattention once more causes him to end up in the hospital._' As he thought back, he remembered Kent had 'accused' Johnny of 'fooling around' at the scene and so hadn't taken his warning seriously. This assessment, however, made him feel ill at ease and he shook his head, '_John never fools around while on a scene. He's always professional there no matter what is going on in his life_.' That stronger voice stated clearly and he had to agree. He frowned deeper but couldn't help the funny feeling in his gut that worried over his partner. '_I don't want him hurt, I never wanted that. I . . .I just want him to . . .to be a little more careful_.'

Roy was still sitting in the chair, with the cold coffee in front of him, when Billy Hanks came into the room. "Roy? Nice to see you again; wish it was under better circumstances." Roy shook the offered hand and the younger man pulled out a chair and dropped into it. "How's Johnny doing?"

After heaving a large sigh, Roy filled the replacement in on what he knew. Billy shook his head, "Man, that sucks. I hope his hands are gonna be alright. Not being a paramedic any more would just about kill Johnny. And you say possible blast lung . . ." Again he shook his head, his face showing genuine concern for the paramedic who helped train him.

Anything else he might have been going to say was interrupted when Kent came back into the room, scowling. "Well that was a complete waste of time," he began then stopped at the sight of a stranger. Billy had stood to greet the other man as Roy looked up.

"Billy? This is Marcus Kent, he's a new paramedic just moved up from San Diego. He's been assigned to us here for his field work. Marc, this is Gage's replacement, Billy Hanks. Billy is one of the paramedics I trained and now he's on his own working out of Station 45, right?"

Billy nodded as he offered his hand to the other man, "That's right. Hi! Roy and Johnny were my field instructors a while back. I can tell you right now, you'll get no better field knowledge than from these two."

Kent took the offered hand and shook it, a smile just barely on the polite side stretching his lips as he said, "Yeah, Roy is the greatest; I couldn't ask for anyone better to work beside. I'm really hoping I can work close with him now." He then turned his back on the other man.

Billy noticed Kent didn't make any mention of Johnny and wondered about that. He knew from his own experience with Station 51 that no paramedic team was closer then DeSoto and Gage. "Well, I better go let Captain Stanley know I'm here so we can get back in service. I'll see you two later." That said, Billy left the dayroom.

Kent watched him go then looked toward Roy, a big smile on his face. "Hey buddy, can we talk?"

Roy looked over at him and Kent took that as agreement. He ducked his head and sighed dramatically, drawing his face into a mournful expression. He watched out the corner of his eye to see Roy's reactions as he stammered out. "I . . .I think I'm in trouble here, buddy. I. . .I really need your help."

Roy raised his eyebrows but didn't comment. Kent sighed again, "I . . I think your Cap, Captain Stanley, I think he's got it in for me."

That did get Roy's full attention. Although Captain Stanley had only been the Captain of 51 for a little over three years he'd so far found the man to be fair and even tempered in all matters.

Roy frowned, "Cap? Why? What gave you that idea?"

Kent sighed heavily, "well, that little 'so called talk' we just had in his office for one. Roy? He questioned my handling of Gage's injures. AND he wants me to fill out an incident report. Said all of that engine crew would be doing it too." He looked up through his lashes with what he hoped was a pathetic look, "He . . .uh, basically told me it would be my word against theirs."

Roy blinked in surprise at the implications of the man before him. He knew an incident report had to be filed after every on-duty injury and that everyone on scene was required to fill one out. Didn't Kent know this? And just what did he mean about 'their word against his'? Just what _had_ happened out there? He sat back in his chair while looking at the other man, a stunned expression on his face. Kent saw it and interpreted it to be for him. "I know! I know! I was just as shocked. I mean, what do any of **them** know about paramedic skills? They have . . . what? . . . just some basic first aid at best?."

Marc put his hand on his chest in a gesture so reminiscent of Johnny that Roy's breath caught, "I mean. **I'm** the one trained, I knew what I was doing out there. Oh sure, it might have looked like I hesitated but no more than a few seconds. And I wasn't really, you know, I was just running through all the stuff I'd need to do first, you know, in my mind."

Roy remained silent and Kent again took it as encouragement. "Besides, Gage wasn't really helping me out. I was trying to question him, you know, ask him about his symptoms and stuff and all he'd do was moan and cry. I was trying to stop the bleeding and get vitals and he kept pushing me away. Well, I was afraid of hurting him more, I mean he was so cut up and all, and none of those guys on the engine would come over and help me restrain him." He dropped his head and gave a sad chuckle, "Poor dumb Indian didn't even seem to have the sense to know I was trying to help him. I guess you can train them in some things but not in what really counts, you know what I mean?"

For the first time in two weeks Roy felt his mind sharper than it had been as he listened to the words the man before him was saying. Disbelief filled him. Was he serious? Was this really what had been going on around him? And his descriptions' of John . . . John hadn't been hurt much in the few years Roy'd been partnered with him but when he was, he'd _never_ acted as Kent was describing. Roy blinked again in surprise.

Again Kent sighed as he fiddled with the cup in front of him. "I really need you to help me on this, Roy. I really need you to back me up. Maybe Cap is just sorta soft where Gage in concerned, you know. I mean, Gage **is** just a kid and is kinda out of his league trying to be a paramedic and all. He's really trying hard, probably to the best of his abilities really, so it's not all his fault. I feel for him, I really do. And I agree with the cause and all but that doesn't mean I want to be made the patsy for Gage's screw-ups either. Maybe Stanley is just worried about how Headquarters will see it since this whole thing of 'equal opportunity' is such a big deal right now. After all, there are two of _them_ on Stanley's team. That's gotta be rough, since this **is** his first command and all."

He looked up, taking Roy's wide-eyed look and slightly parted mouth as shock over what he'd said. Little did he know this was true, but not in the manner Kent hoped.

Roy swallowed hard and stuttered, "I . . .I don't know what to say . . ." Kent nodded sadly, "I know, it's a bit shocking, isn't it."

Roy numbly shook his head, "You have no idea." He muttered. The sound of the tones stopped all further conversation.

"Squad 51 woman down. Macavie's Restaurant. 8907 Walker Street 8-9-0-7 Walker Street. Cross street Harris. Time out 17:45."

Roy heard Cap acknowledge the call as he passed him and climbed into the squad. He took the offered paper, handed it to Kent who immediately handed it to Hanks. Billy pulled out the map as Roy started the squad and waited for the door to rise. "Turn left, Roy." Hanks stated and Roy followed his lead.

Before long, they pulled up in front of a storefront remade into a café. A man met them on the sidewalk, frowning as he looked over the truck. "Do you have to park it here in front?" He complained in a nasally voice, "It's so . . .so big and not at all conducive to a good image."

Roy ignored him as he and Hanks began pulling equipment. Part of him noticed Kent didn't grab anything, just waited until they had it all. A flicker of recollection revealed that he'd seen that before but had never registered John would be loaded down with all the equipment and Kent would follow after, empty handed. A thought crossed his mind, '_John didn't let Kent do anything. He needs to be useful on these runs so he gets to know what to do_.' So he pushed the bio-phone at the other paramedic, saying, "You carry this and get the O2." He didn't see the dirty scowl Kent shot him but Billy did. Roy turned toward the man, stating, "Would you show us where . . .?"

"Yes, yes. Of course. Hurry please." He hastily began leading them around to a side door. Roy stopped before the front door and the man hurried back. "Sir, can't we get to her by . . ."

"Oh Heavens' no! We can't have you going in that way! You'll terrify the customers!" He gasped wide-eyed. "Beside, she was being such a distraction to the other diners—all that moaning and crying and all—that I had her waiter move her back to the rear here. Of course."

Billy rolled his eyes at Roy as he echoed, "Of course."

Kent nodded as he paced Roy. "Certainly. I can understand that. This establishment does have a reputation to uphold, after all. Tam and I frequent this place and would expect nothing less."

Again a part of Roy filed that remark for further study later as the three men hastily followed the manager. Soon he led them into a tiny side storage area where two women huddled together in chairs. One woman, a round faced dark haired woman of medium build, was clutching her chest, rocking back and forth as each gasping breath came out in a moan. The other woman was blonde and statuesque with her make-up running in streaks from her teary eyes as she clutched her friend's shoulders.

"Kent get the O2 on her," Roy quietly ordered then knelt before the dark haired woman with a smile. "Hi there. My name is Roy and these are my partners Marc and Billy. We're paramedics and we're here to help you. Can you tell me what's happening?"

The woman's frightened eyes latched onto his and she gasped, "Pain! Oooh such pain! In my chest."

"All right," Roy acknowledged as Billy pulled out the bp cuff. My partner here is going to get a blood pressure reading here while I check your pulse, ok?" She nodded as Billy placed the cuff around her arm and pumped it up while Roy counted first her pulse then her respirations. "Marc," He looked over toward Kent and found him standing behind the other woman with the manager. He frowned, "Kent!"

Kent startled and hurried over. "Sorry, I was finding out what happened. Derrick says they had just had a large meal and were having another glass of wine when she, " he nodded to the woman Billy now slipped an O2 mask on, "started moaning and crying.'

Rou gave a curt nod. "Billy set up the bio-phone, Kent you assist me." Again Kent scowled and this time Roy saw it. "Billy, pulse is 120 and rapid. Respirations are 26 and shallow." Billy nodded as he called into the receiver, "Rampart, this is Squad 51. Do you read me?"

"I can handle the bio-phone if you'd rather Hanks help you," Marc suggested. Roy just glanced at him before turning his attention back to the lady in front of him as he scooped up the stethoscope. "I'm just gonna take a listen here, Ma'am"

"Sylvia Marten, Mrs. Sylvia Marten." The woman behind her corrected. Roy smiled at both women reassuringly, "Yes, Mrs. Marten." He listened to her heart as Billy relayed what the situation was and the vitals they had taken. He pulled the tips from his ears. "Marc, get the leads out."

"Oh God!" The woman gasped. "I was right! Unice! I was right! It's a heart attack!" She clutched Roy's arm in a surprising firm grip. "I'm gonna die aren't I!"

"Mrs. Marten, calm down, now just calm down. I didn't say that." He pointed to Billy, who he saw had pulled out the set-up for an IV and was now pulling out the leads as well. Roy found himself grinding his teeth but continued, "See that machine right there? Well, it's connected to the hospital and there is a doctor talking to us. This machine will allow that doctor to see how you heart is beating. Alright? Now calm down. Can you tell me about this pain? Where is it at?"

She nodded but her eyes still showed her panic, "It . . .it hurts here." She pointed to the center of her chest, just above her ample breasts. "and. . .and here." She placed a hand over the right upper quadrant of her abdomen and it kinda goes into my back."

He nodded. "Any pain in you neck? Your jaw? How about your arms?" She shook her head to each question, then groaned loudly again, her face scrunched up in pain as she cried out.

Her friend screamed also and began hyperventilating while flailing her arms. "She'sgonnadieshe'sgonnadie!" She chanted over and over. "Kent," Kent looked at Roy who then looked at Unice then back at Kent. Kent merely blinked at him and Roy again clinched his teeth. A thought flitted through his head in that second, '_I wish John were here.' _However, Billy knew what he needed. He told Rampart, "Rampart this will be lead two," then thunked Kent none to gently with the receiver as he said, "Here Kent take over."

With a big smile on his face, Billy then placed gentle hands on either one of Unice's shoulders and in a voice sounding so much like his real partner Roy had to smile, said, "Now, now, Unice, settle down, settle down. We have a doctor right here and we'll take good care of your friend. Why don't you have a seat right here where you can see everything. That's right, deep breaths, calmly, calmly."

Roy started the IV then turned to stare at the monitor. "Uh Roy? Dr. Brackett says he reads normal sinus rhythm with slight tachycardia but no PVC's" Roy took the receiver from Kent and said, "Rampart we concur. Did you get a description on the locations of the victim's pain?"

"Affermative 51."

Kent sat back, watching while Roy took over complete care of the patient, administering the required meds and helping the woman into the gurney. As the attendants wheeled her out, Roy turned to Kent. "You go with Billy. Get this gear packed up." With that he was gone, following the attendants and the gurney. Billy finished comforting Unice who had calmed down considerably and was now profusely thanking the paramedic for saving her friend's life. Then she too was gone, hurrying off to meet the ambulance at the hospital.

Kent didn't say a words, but the scowl on his face told a story in its self as he helped Hanks pack the gear and slide into the squad. After they'd been on the road about seven minutes he suddenly snorted, "Stupid waste of time and county monies." He groused.

Billy glanced at him, confusion clear on his face. Kent nodded, "That old lady. She probably just stuffed herself silly and has a case of indigestion. And for that we get called in, embarrass a good restaurant and miss supper ourselves."

Billy remained quiet a few more minutes as he debated over what he'd seen at the scene and what this new guy now said. The he carefully shook his head. "I don't think so, Marc. Her signs and symptoms said there was something wrong."

Kent snorted again, "Yeah. They did. They said the old broad was just having a hissy fit over a little indigestion. A complete waste of time." He settled further into the seat, still grumbling under his breath. Billy, for his part, remained silent.

As the two walked into the ER they saw Roy talking to Betty at the desk. When he saw them, he said his good-byes and came toward them grinning.

Kent immediately took that as a conformation of his theory and snorted derisively, "Let me guess, nothing but indigestion right?"

Roy shook his head, "No, no that wasn't it. Brackett thinks it is either her pancreas or a gall bladder attack. They're gonna run some more tests and probably refer her to an expert. Either way, she was in a lot of legitimate pain according to Doc."

Billy frowned now, "Does he think she'll be alright?"

Roy shrugged, "He seemed to think so. If it is her gall bladder they may hafta remove it but he seemed to think she'd be ok in the long run."

Billy nodded and neither one of them spoke again as they walked back out to the squad.

As they rode back to the station, Roy thought over the scene and how Marc had acted. '_I really need to work more with him. Gage has been teaching him all wrong with doing everything for him. I'll really have to step up his training now with Gage gone._'

Supper was a subdued affair again. Roy sat deep in thought, barely touching his food. Marc glowered though his meal and left the table as soon as he was finished. Billy, who had just gotten off his regular shift that morning opted to turn in early. Cap went off to his office to tackle paperwork and shift replacements for Johnny. Marco and Chet wondered off as well, unable to look at Roy. Roy stood and began helping Mike clear off the table and clean the kitchen. "I'll wash if you dry." He told the other man. Mike nodded in agreement.

Silence reigned for several long moments before Mike said, "He's gonna pull through, Roy."

Roy nodded, knowing exactly what his shiftmate meant without explaination. "Oh. I know. His injuries aren't very bad. Well, except for his hands. Those could put him out of commission for a long time. Perhaps even permanently." Even as he spoke the words, part of Roy cringed. _'Johnny? No longer a paramedic? That would kill him.'_ But that other side seemed to still have control of his mouth again and he found himself saying, "You know, Mike. With a little more training, Marc will make a good partner and I trust him. He much more reliable than Gage ever was." Roy handed another dish to his shiftmate, unaware of the stunned look on the engineer's face. "I'm thinking I might request him as a permanent partner. If Gage can't come back, that is." He chuckled as he rinsed out the last glass and drained the water in the sink. "Let's face it, when it comes right down to it, Marc is no John Gage. I'll have better luck at having a partner who can stay off the injured list with him than with John."

At the strange strangled sound, Roy finally looked up into Mike's face, saw the red cheeks, intensely burning eyes and the thinned lips. He hesitated, "Uhhh, Mike? You alright?"

That was all it took; Mike blew. "That's a load of shit, DeSoto and you know it!" He bellowed. "You don't really trust Kent, Roy, you control him. Is that really what you want? Is that what is really at the bottom of all this? You couldn't control what happened to Jenny and that scared you. So you started trying to control everything around you and you took your anger out on Johnny." Roy opened his mouth to protest even as some hidden part of him acknowledged the engineer's correct assumptions. But Mike was on a roll and refused to be sidetracked.

"You _are_ right about one thing, Kent is no John Gage. The man can barely think for himself and you've not made that any better by your own actions. John Gage was a good rescue man before he became your partner. He could handle himself in a fire and had done so for over three years—without you or anyone else guiding him. He could get in, and get people back out safely. Do you think Marc can do that? Can he make a decision when the flames are licking at his turnouts? When was the last time you saw him climb up the side of a cliff or building like Johnny can? Or go down into some sewer hole or into a tunnel. Sure he might be slim enough to fit but would he know what to do once he got there?" He looked into the shocked blue eyes. "Again I say, you are right, Marcus Kent is no John Gage." He stared there a minute longer before he added. "And he may never make a good paramedic, because of you."

Angry now, Roy glared at him, "What do you mean by that?! I'm a good teacher; I've trained several paramedics who have gone on to do well in the field."

Mike nodded his head in agreement, "Yes. Yes, you have. Before this. But you haven't allowed Marc to train like you _and Johnny_ trained the others. You've tried to turn Marc into something. . .something . . . I don't know what, but I do know you failed him." He moved closer, "And your failing nearly killed Johnny."

Roy felt a chill run through him. He knew Mike's words were true; he'd begun to see it himself. But he tried to bluff his way through. "What do you mean, Stoker?" He growled.

"When Johnny was hurt, when he was lying there bleeding and needing a paramedic to take care of him, Kent froze up. Johnny was talking him through his own care. Can you imagine that Roy? Kent was so lost Johnny was having to lead him through each step. And then Johnny passed out." Mike shook his head, he still didn't like the image in his mind's eye. His voice soft he continued. "I heard Kent, heard him screaming and looked over. Johnny was limp; I knew he was out. And Kent had him up, holding him by the shoulders, shaking him and screaming at him 'Wake up! Wake up! You have to tell me what to do! Tell me what to do!' If Cap hadn't already called for another squad and 110's hadn't shown up just then . . ." he shuddered, "Johnny was bleeding out and all Kent could do was shake him."

Roy found the image in his mind disturbing, His mouth closed and opened like a fish out of water but nothing came out. Mike, however, was having no trouble getting the thoughts he'd withheld for two long weeks to come out. "And another thing. It's Kent's fault Johnny was hurt. Kent ignored Johnny, Roy, and in doing so nearly got him killed." Roy looked unconvinced, "oh come on now Stoker." He scoffed, "Why would Marc do that?"

Mike glared harder, "I don't know why; perhaps you can tell me why Kent would dismiss what Johnny said as trivial and unworthy of attention."

Guilt flared bright in Roy as he realized that was _exactly_ how he'd 'trained' the other man to think of anything his 'partner' said. But he remained silent so Mike continued. "Johnny is experienced as we both well know. **He** smelled the gas and correctly identified where it was coming from. He went back to the squad, called it in and told Kent to move the squad out of the way when he saw a civilian heading for the same door he smelled the gas coming from. He took the guy over to Cap, told Cap what was happening, and found out if there was anyone else in the building then noticed Kent still hadn't moved the squad. He was running back to get Kent out when it blew." Mike had moved so close to the senior paramedic his hot breath blew in Roy's face. "So you see? It was Kent's inability to see what was going on and refusal to pay attention to the warnings of a senior man that put Johnny in danger. Johnny did everything just as he should have and **he's** the one who is now lying in a hospital bed possibly crippled for life because he _is_ as good as he is. So don't even try to tell me that Kent is in any way better than John Gage." With that angry burst ended, Mike spun on his heel and marched off leaving a stunned Roy in his wake.

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	17. Chapter 17

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(Just curious, Did anybody notice the theme I have going with hands, Jenny's hand cut, John's hand extending out of the melted ooze, John's hand still visible from the dumpster, John's hand over the side of the bed, now John's hands cut . . .???)

OK, As promise, more Johnny in this one anmd it's a long chapter. Things are getting a little rougher but hold on, it's only just the starting of the end!!

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The night stayed quiet but Roy got little sleep. He wasn't pestered by the dreams, for once, but everything that he'd witnessed over the last 72 hours just seemed to swirl around in his mind, leaving him confused and exhausted. When the wake-up tones finally went off, he was grateful to put an end to the charade and get up. He made it a point to avoid his shiftmates. When the others headed toward the kitchen and locker room, he stayed in the dorm. Once he heard them head into the kitchen, he entered the locker room and sat for a long time just staring into his locker. Finally, he stumbled into the kitchen after dressing, grabbed a cup of coffee and once more sat staring at the table top before him. Cap's voice startled him as he entered the kitchen and called, "Kent? Can I see you in my office?"

Marc nodded and stood slowly. Roy instinctively knew the other man was trying to catch his eye so he kept his head bowed. With an exaggerated sigh, Marc left the room but as he passed, he put his hand on Roy's shoulder and squeezed. Muffled noises came from around the room and Roy could almost feel the animosity toward him from the engine crew.

Over loudly, Chet suddenly spoke up. "Hey! After our relief gets here, I'm gonna head over and see Johnny. Who wants to go with me?"

"I'll go," Mike's voice came next. "What about you, Marco?"

"I promised Momma I'd come home and get her first. She's probably been up most of the night, praying for him and lighting candles. We'll attend morning mass then head over." Marco's voice said. There was a long pause then Roy heard Mike's voice again. "Roy? What about you? You want to join us in seeing your partner?"

Although Mike's voice was quiet and held no recrimination, Roy winced never-the-less. His mind raced for a plausible excuse, any excuse even, but before he could so much as open his mouth the silence was shattered by the sound of Cap's office door being slammed open. As one, they stood and headed toward the bay, watching as Marc Kent stormed by, his face twisted into a mask of rage. He stopped suddenly as he saw them there, his former anger warring on his face with an attempt to look nonplussed. Finally he managed an odd grin. "Hey. Nice working with you guys." Then his eyes took on an intensity as he stared at Roy.

"Roy, buddy. Remember what we talked about. I'll be seeing you, friend." With that said, he left leaving five sets of eyes staring after him. The approach of another turned five heads as one.

"Cap? What was that all about?" Marco managed to speak first. Cap rocked on his heels and looked at the floor for a moment as he sunk his hands into his pockets. "I . . uh . . . got a call early this morning. From Headquarters. About Kent."

"And?" Mike pushed.

Cap's face twisted with some unknown emotion and he cleared his throat, then wiped at his eye. "Well?" Finally he raised his head and his men could see his eyes were suspiciously bright. "Uh, seems they decided that since John is in the hospital and might be off for some time that, uh . . .they should reassign Kent to another team of paramedics to finish his training."

Absolute silence reigned for about ten heartbeats then Chet threw both fists into the air with a "Yes! Thank you, Holy Father!"

"Kelly!" Cap barked and Chet had the sense to look somewhat contritely at Roy. "Ah, hey man, I'm sorry."

Roy looked around him, suddenly highly uncomfortable with his friends and terribly unsure of his own feelings. Voices from the locker area reached his ears and he grasped at that reprieve. "Uh, Cap. I think I hear Jason. If he's ready, do you mind . . .?"

Cap shook his head, "No, certainly pal. And Roy . . ." Roy stopped and looked into the dark eyes of the man who was his leader, seeing true concern there. "I'm sure that this is no reflection on you."

Roy swallowed hard and tried a forced smile, "Yeah. Sure." But his voice sounded unconvinced even to himself. Quickly he left.

Once Roy was carefully out of earshot, the remaining crew gathered around Cap, chorusing questions until he raised his hands. "Hold it. I don't know much more then I just told you."

"Where's the little weasel going?" Chet piped up. Cap glared at him again but then spoiled it by breaking out into a grin of his own. "It . . .uh seems the next team in line for training is over at 45's."

Three sets of eyes got big. "What shift?" Marco begged. This time even Cap had a hard time keeping a straight face as he answered, "Uh. You guessed it. A shift. Bellingham . . .and Brice."

As Roy left the parking lot and drove slowly to his house, the news he'd just been given sank in. They had sent Kent away. Kent would be trained by another **team**. He hadn't been a **team**. Roy had cut Johnny out of the **team** they used to be. Had Headquarters somehow gotten word of what he'd done? As he pulled into his driveway and stopped his car, Roy let his head fall forward onto the steering wheel with a groan.

He'd failed.

Miserably.

And now everyone would know it.

"When did things get so messed up?" he murmured to himself. Silently, he added, '_And how do I ever even begin to fix it now?_'

****************************************************

Dix looked up from the coffee she'd just sat down with as the door to the lounge opened. Wearily, Kelly Brackett, Joe Early and Ken Bentley walked in. She motioned them over to her table and got up as they sat down. She quickly poured three more cups of coffee and placed each before a tired man before sitting down with her own again.

Long moments of silence drew out as the men quietly drank or just contemplated the brew. Finally she broke it with, "Well?"

Kel blew out his breath as Joe shook his head. "He's one lucky young man." Ken solemnly said. The other two nodded. Dixie was nearly desperate to hear how the surgery on her friend had gone. Just as she was about to do some shaking of her own, Joe broke in with, "That was some excellent vascular work you did both on his side and on his hands."

Ken smiled slightly, "Thank you. Your work on those nerves wasn't bad either." His face serious again, he finished, "Now the real test will come if and when he can use those hands for more than twisted clubs." They all nodded and then Ken stood stretching and yawning, "well, my shift ended hours ago. I'm for a shower and my bed. Night, doctors."

Joe sighed as he drained his cup, "Well as much as I like the sounds of Ken's idea, I'm still on. I'll see you all later." With that, he was gone.

"Kel . . ." All her agony came out in that one word and Kel gave her a twisted grin. "Sorry Dix." Curious he looked around, "What time is it anyway?"

"It's nearly 5:00. Kel, what happened?"

He slumped further into his chair, "Huh, we were in there a little over two hours? It sure felt a lot longer." He shook his head. "God, Dix. He was a mess. That piece in his side missed every major organ by millimeters but it sliced through a mass of feeders to the colon. And his hands. The right one had both flexor and extensor tendons completely severed. He had so much glass and so many metal shards in him I think we pulled out the entire window. We were pumping the blood into him just about as fast as he was bleeding it back out. How his heart managed to keep on beating . . ."

Again he shook his head. Then he looked up into his friend's teary eyes and gave a smile, "Against all the odds, he's still with us. No signs of concussion damage from the blast. Except for the blown TM, all other injuries are secondary and tertiary damage." He sat back again and drank deeply.

Dix watched him carefully. '_That's not all; there's something else. Oh Lord, what isn't he telling me?_' He looked up then catching her eye and sighed, knowing.

Shaking his head again, he said, "I should have listened to you. You knew something was going on weeks ago. I should have stepped in sooner. If I had, maybe things wouldn't have gotten this far."

"Kel, you're scaring me. What's wrong with Johnny?" Dixie held his gaze, her worry clearly showing in her eyes.

"Dix, when we got him up there and I got a good look, I'm mean a really good look at him, I admit I was shocked. He's obviously not been eating . . .and for a while I'd guess. He's lost at least twenty pounds, maybe more and you and I both know he didn't have any weight to lose to begin with. I've been on him before about being borderline underweight. Now he's lost muscle mass. I'm worried his recovery is going to be affected by his already weakened condition."

Dix looked down. "I . . .I saw it was getting bad, but I didn't think . . ." Her words died off as she pushed wearily at her bangs.

"Joe saw it too and he's just as worried. This . . .recovery . . .is going to be very hard for Johnny. On top of being weak from the blood loss not only is he going to have a lot of pain as all those wounds heal but he's facing months of rehabilitation in order to do anything with his hands. And I don't have to even tell you about the chance of infection from all this." Brackett sighed again as he scrubbed his face with his hand. They sat together for several long moments, joined in mutual worry over their hurting friend.

Suddenly Dix stood, wiped her eyes with the back of her hands and straightened her uniform as she straightened her shoulders into a determined set. Brackett watched her, one eyebrow cocked upward. "Dix?" a multitude of questions came out in that one word. She turned toward him and he saw the steel in her gaze.

"Well. Doctor. We can't sit around here all day. You have a phone call to make to some very anxious fireman and I . . ." she looked toward the door. "I have a patient up in SICU who is in desperate need of major TLC." With that, she left. Brackett watched the door swing back shut after her indomitable stride through it and found himself smiling, "Well, Mr. John Gage? Look out. With that power dynamo pushing you, you'll have no choice but to recover quickly." He drained his coffee, rinsed his cup then left to make some calls.

Dixie let Carol know she was off duty but would be upstairs if she was needed. Carol nodded her affirmation. "Oh and Dix?" She called out as the head nurse headed toward the elevators. Dix turned her head, an eyebrow raised. Carol smiled softly, "Give him some TLC from me." She gently added. Dix smiled then disappeared into the elevator. Carol shook her head as she looked back down at the charts in front of her. She couldn't stop her thoughts from returning to the horrible confrontation between the two paramedics whom she'd always thought were closer than some families she knew. "Lord knows the poor boy needs it." She murmured.

The two nurses around Johnny's bed looked up as Dixie slid the curtain back enough to slip inside. The older one glared at the ER head nurse. "Well, Dixie McCall. What is the ER champion doing in my watch area?"

Dix raised an eyebrow and tilted her head at the greeting. The younger nurse stopped rinsing the cloth in her hands as she watched the two 'old' military nurses face off. She'd heard other nurses tell stories about how strictly Ms. McCall ran her ER. "Like a battalion General," They'd told her. And she'd worked under Ms. Collins now for three months. She knew the old Navy nurse ran her floor with the same shipshapeness she'd obviously ran her hospital ship. What would happen now with these two both here together like this? She nervously glanced at the unconscious man on the bed before her. There had already been a lot of whispering and comments made about this patient. She'd heard it said he was a paramedic and everyone in the hospital knew Ms. McCall considered them "her boys". But Ms. Collins didn't allow anyone, not even uppity doctors, to interfere with her tightly run floor.

Suddenly smiles broke out across both women's faces and the younger nurse relaxed, relieved she wasn't going to have to try to grab an unconscious patient and run from a warzone. "Once he was wheeled up here from recovery, I didn't think you'd be far behind." The SICU floor nurse commented.

Dixie smile, "Gretchen. How's he doing?"

Gretchen ran her wet rag across Johnny's shoulder then rinsed it in the basin beside her. "They got him to wake alittle before they brought him up but he's been out since he's been here. I'm sure he'll feel much better once we get the rest of this crud off him."

Dix nodded and moved closer to the bed. She looked down on the figure there, seeing the thinness Kel had described. The tube had been removed from Johnny's throat but a nonrebreather was attached to his face and she could hear the hiss of O2 on high flow. Blood and IV solution ran into the central line in his chest. His face was nearly translucent he was so pale, his dark hair, still matted with sweat and blood, a stark contrast with his skin. He was naked except for the bulky dressings over his wounds, with just a sheet draped over his groin. A heavy cast covered his right hand from fingertip to mid forearm and his left was in a soft cast and heavy bandages as well. A young nurse with auburn hair diligently washed his feet and legs, carefully avoiding the stitches and scabbed over cuts there while making sure she removed all traces of dried blood.

Dixie looked up at the monitor, seeing the strong rhythm of his heart as it pulsed across the screen. The younger nurse finished Johnny's lower limbs and pulled the sheet back down over his legs, then pulled the blanket at his feet up to his waist. She looked at her supervisor, her dirty basin clutched in front of her. Gretchen looked up and dismissed her with a curt, "That will be all, Wilson."

Both watched as the younger woman scampered quickly away. Gretchen watched her then sighed heavily, "Babies. They keep sending me these babies they call nurses. They're barely weaned from their own mamas."

Dix stifled a chuckle as she couldn't help notice that once Johnny was awake, he wouldn't think Miss Wilson was such a 'baby'. '_I think he'd spell it a little differently'_ she giggled to herself.

Gretchen had finished washing Johnny's torso now and moved the basin away as she picked up a tub. "Now to get some cream on those burns." She sighed as she gently smoothed the silvery cream across the areas of Johnny's blistering forearms not covered in cuts or casts. She looked around in disgust. "Uh! That's the last time I trust one of those infants to get the supplies."

Dix's smile broadened, "I'll get them, Gretch, and be right back." Gretchen smiled her thanks as the head nurse left.

As she gently spread the cream across Johnny's neck and right shoulder, her black eyes softened considerably, "a baby. That's all you are too. An infant doing a man's work out there in those cruel streets. But don't you worry none, liebechen, both Dix and old Gretch will have you up and about before you know it."

As she completed her tasks, took and recorded another set of vitals, she thought about the talk she'd overheard both from the three doctors who had checked on their patient after he was brought up from recovery and the whisperings of her nurses.

She knew this one, had seen him once or twice in the elevator and down in the emergency department. She'd also watched him when he'd visited patients after he'd brought them in. Oh she knew him, beyond what her nurses thought they knew. She'd been around the world, had taken care of too many young men at this age to count. And she saw beyond what was on the surface.

She also knew her old friend, saw the worry she tried to hide and knew this one meant a lot to the old Army nurse. She chuckled softly, "I think she knows your secrets too, liebechen. But don't you worry none, you're safe with us."

Under her warm hand, Johnny moved his head slightly and groaned. At that moment, Dixie returned. Together the two nurses quickly bandaged up the burns. Once they were done, Dixie pulled the sheet up over his battered chest. Then surprisingly Gretchen stood back. "Oh Dix. I didn't get a chance to do more then shake the glass out of his hair. Would you mind terribly finishing up? If I don't get out there and breathe some fire at those babies they'll do nothing but stand around drinking coffee and gossiping."

Dix laughed as she took the offered bottle from her friend's hand. "Go get 'um tigra!" she told her. Gretchen laughed and walked to the door. At the doorway she stopped and turned, "You might try talking to him. He moved his head and groaned just before you walked back in." Then she left.

Dix snorted in a very unladylike manner. "You're as see-through as a mosquito net, you old sea dragon." She grumbled at her friend but inside was grateful for this chance to be alone with Johnny.

She combed his thick hair back away from his face, making sure any glass or other foreign debris was removed. Next she covered the pillow with three heavy towels then began slowly pouring the warmed liquid into his hair. She smiled slightly as she mused, "Letting it grow out a bit there, huh Johnny? I wondered how long it would be before you started to defy the required length." She'd actually been surprised to see the young man keep his hair regulation short for as long as he had.

As she massaged the shampoo into his scalp, it began to foam up and she meticulously worked it throughout the dark locks. She could well remember the very first time she had preformed this service for a critically injured Johnny Gage. "Your hair was long then, much longer than now. That is, at least where it hadn't been burned away. I really hated to have to cut it all off but I had too in order to even it out." Her smile widened, "Back then you didn't say a word about it, but somehow I know if that happened now, we'd never hear the end of it."

Soon she had covered his whole head and began toweling it dry again, grateful for the invention which cleaned without needing rinsed. As she did, she too noticed movement under his eyelids and around his mouth. Stroking his now damp hair she coaxed, "Come on Johnny. Wake up. Come on phoenix, I want to see those beautiful brown eyes." She used the nickname given him years ago that she only used privately, hoping it would speed his return to consciousness.

More movement and he breathed a faint moan under the mask. She rested her hand on his left shoulder, one of the few areas on his anterior body not injured, and gently pressed. "Come on Johnny. Look at me. I know you're in there. Time to wake up now."

Twitches in his arms now accompanied the movement to his face and she knew he was closer to consciousness. Half of her hated to wake him, knowing the probable outcome of that. Many patients suffered severe nausea as a side effect from the anesthesia and somehow she just knew he'd be one of those. However, he did need to wake up so they could better judge his progress.

Again she urged him, "That's right, Johnny. Wake up. Show me those beautiful browns, phoenix. Come on, open your eyes."

He mumbled something faintly but she couldn't hear it over the hiss of the O2 and the muffling of the mask. She leaned closer and tried again. "Wake up Johnny. Open your eyes and look at me."

"Can't." Came the mumbled word again. Dixie frowned, '_Well at least he seems to be alert enough to talk._'

"Why can't you, Johnny? Come on, I know you can if you really try. Now, open those big brown eyes for me."

"Can't. S'mbdy taped 'um shud." He slurred. A smile broke out on Dixie's face at that and she fought to stifle the laugh in her throat.

"Nobody's taped your eyes shut, Johnny." She fought to keep her voice even. "Why would you think that? No one would do that to you."

"Chet 'ooud." The weak voice answered and under his lids she could see more movement.

This time she couldn't help the chuckle that escaped. She smoothed the still damp wavy locks from his cheek. "Chet didn't tape your eyes shut, Johnny. Now open them for me."

"Sure?"

She smiled at the uncharacteristic uncertainty she heard in that one word.

"I'm sure. No one has taped your eyes shut. Now open them and look at me."

Slowly the lids cracked and bit of blurry brown shone through. They opened a little more as those brown orbs coasted slowly back and forth before settling on her. She smiled broadly. "Welcome back, phoenix."

"Dix?"

She nodded, "Yes Johnny. Can you tell me how you feel?"

His face scrunched up and he gave a faint gasp. "Hurts . . ." he whispered. She stroked his shoulder. "I know it does. We'll give you something for that in just a moment. But right now, I need you to answer some questions. What's your name?"

He groaned and answered in a weak breathy voice, "Fire . . man/ Para . . .medic John Gage. Badge num . . .ber 3-3-0."

She smiled as she teased, "Alright, bright boy. Do you remember what happened?"

Johnny's eyes traveled around the room again before settling on her and this time they were a little more focused. "Rampart?" She nodded. He blinked then sighed, "Didn't run . . .fast enough."

She smiled as she recognized the same thing he'd said in the treatment room. "Not only that, you tried to use your body as a trash can to pick up debris."

The edges of his mouth turned upward and his breath came out in a soft huff. She realized he'd tried to laugh when he groaned, "Don't do . . .that Dix." He complained. "Hurts."

She patted his shoulder in comfort, "I'm sorry, phoenix. I know it does."

"Dix?"

"Yes, Johnny?"

"An'bdy else hurt?"

She smiled wider at that, "No, Johnny. You made sure you cleared the area. Nobody else was hurt."

"Fire out?"

"Yes, Johnny, the fire is long out."

He blinked slowly, tried to raise his head and gasped. She immediately moved to restrain him. "Not a good idea there, phoenix."

"How . . .how bad?" He tried to move his hands but his right seemed way too heavy and his left barely twitched. Dix placed a hand on his arm as she told him his laundry list of injuries. She didn't leave anything out, she knew him well enough to do that. However, she didn't go into full detail about his hands either; there was time enough for that later. He listened carefully and when she was done, breathed out one word.

"Wow."

She choked back a laugh at his gross understatement. He looked up at her, the corner of one side of his mouth pulling up in a faint rendition of his cocky grin. "How long?"

"How long have you been here? Or how long will you be in here?" She asked as she smoothed the blanket carefully over his chest.

"Both."

She nodded, "Well, it's still Monday but it's evening now. And the other will depend on how well you do, you know that."

He nodded and winced again in pain. Suddenly his face went paler and his eyes opened wider as he swallowed repeatedly. She recognized those signs well and hit the call button. She grabbed a basin with one hand while she pulled the mask from his face with the other, then rolled him over onto his side just as he began retching. However, the NG tube had done its job and his stomach was empty. Unfortunately, that didn't do anything for the stomach contractions. He uttered a growl of pain that died off into a whimper with each pull on his bruised and cut abdomen. Sweat broke out across his face and neck while saliva dripped from his mouth. What little strength he'd waken with drained quickly out of his body and he slumped against Dixie, panting heavily. It was now only her strength holding him up –he was dead weight against her –only she prevented him from toppling out of the bed. Then suddenly she wasn't alone. Another presence was beside her, crooning words of comfort to the suffering man even as Dixie saw the flash of syringes.

"Relax, liebechen, we got you. You just relax. Doctor thought this might happen and he left a script. Said he doesn't want you doing any damage to his pretty embroidery." Gretchen cooed as the two nurses rolled him back onto his back and Dix carefully cleaned his face with a cool cloth while Gretchen reaffixed the mask and checked the flow. He breathed a soft sigh, his eyes sliding shut as the medicines took over.

Once they were sure he was once more peacefully asleep the two faced each other. Gretchen sighed, "so, he's gonna be one of those. Poor baby, as if all those bruises and cuts and burns aren't enough he's gonna be a ralpher."

Dix spurted out a chuckle at her friend's description but sighed as well. "Yeah, I had a bad feeling about that. He's never been in here needing surgery before but he usually throws enough curves at Kel I just knew he'd react like this."

Suddenly Gretchen's eyes went wide, "Dix! He's the one who got . . .!"

Dix nodded, "That horrid virus, **and** the snakebite a while ago."

Gretchen nodded, "I thought I recognized the name. He's not been in my ICU before but I know he's been over with Hilda Jenkins a few time."

Dixie nodded and gave a sigh as she smoothed the blanket softly over Johnny, very mindful of his many injuries on his bared chest. "Yes, he's been there a few times already, but like I said, not here in SICU before." She stroked his forehead in a protective gesture as the smile softened, "That's our adventurous Johnny Gage."

Gretchen nodded as she finished up her vitals check on the young fireman. "Well, don't you worry none, Dix. I'll make sure he gets the VIP treatment." She smiled as her friend blushed a little.

"That obvious?" Dixie asked.

Gretchen rolled her eyes and snorted, "Your reputation with "the boys" in firemen blue proceeds you, Army."

"Johnny saved my life once." Dixie tried to justify and Gretchen held up a hand and smiled, "Relax Army. You'll get no flak from this old WAVE. I've heard the chatter but know the difference between scuttlebutt and the straight scoop."

Dixie relaxed. Gretchen tapped lightly on her shoulder as she headed to the door once more. "If you're going to get any rest before your next shift, you'd better start for home, Dixie. He'll probably sleep now for at least the next several hours."

With one last look at the sleeping figure, Dixie followed her friend out the door.

Johnny did sleep for several hours and woke again in pain and retching while Gretchen was taking vitals. But the nurse was prepared with the needed medications in her uniform pocket and after another comforting face-washing and soft words, he was out again.

At 9:00 am Tuesday morning, Mike and Chet stepped off the elevator in SICU and noticed Cap already in the waiting area. They hurried forward just as two more figures came toward them from the other end of the hall. Cap greeted his men and Momma Lopez with a nod. Before the questions could begin, he filled them in on what he'd already been told.

"Dr. Brackett was just going in to check on John when I got here. He said John had a bit of a rough night, seems he's pretty sick from the anesthesia but Brackett said that's fairly common and he's on medication for it. He said he'd come see us when he finished." Cap looked his men over and smiled slightly at Momma Lopez who had wiped her eyes with the news.

"Poor Juanito. It's not bad enough he has wounds but to be ill as well," She murmured. Marco nodded. Chet made a face then got a look in his eyes. He grinned broadly and opened his mouth.

"Don't even think it, Kelly." Cap growled.

Chet blinked innocently, "It's not what you think, Cap. Besides, I'd never do anything while he's down."

"Yeah, you'll wait until he can at least sit up before you make his life miserable." Mike muttered. Cap had to hide a grin behind a strangled cough over the overheard comment.

At that moment the sound of a door closing pulled their attention and as one they turned to see Dr. Brackett approaching them. They waited until he was closer before the questions began.

"Doc, how is he?"

"Is he better this morning?"

"Can we see him?"

"Doc he still pukin' his guts out?"

That last comment earned the little Irishmen five sets of stern looks. Chet blinked, trying to put on his best guileless look and failing miserable.

"To answer your questions," Brackett said, "he's a little more alert this morning. The pain meds are making him drowsy and that's good as sleep is the best thing for him right now. Because of the blood loss and the reaction to the anesthesia he's very weak. I would prefer to limit his visitors still this morning; I don't want him overtasked. There's no more bleeding, that's good news, and the wounds all look good. I've scheduled him for another x-ray later today to check his lungs but the longer he goes with no problems, the better chance he has that he won't have any. And yes, Chet, he's still very nauseated."

"Then we'd better not let Chet see him. Johnny can barely stomach him when he's healthy." Marco's eyes twinkled merrily as he zinged his friend, the doctor's good news relieving him greatly. The others chuckled as Chet glared.

"Thanks a lot, Buddy."

"You're welcome, amigo."

Brackett hid a smile behind his hand. Then he faced Captain Stanley. "Captain, I know you all want to see him. I understand your concern. I suggest groups of two and no more than three minutes. He was fairly alert when I left him but I doubt he'll stay that way long."

Cap nodded and turned to his men. "Chet, you and Mike, then Marco and Momma Lopez." He caught his engineer's eye and got a faint nod. He knew Mike would make sure Kelly didn't do anything out of line. As they moved toward Johnny's door, Cap moved to follow but Brackett's hand on his elbow stopped him.

When he turned to look at the doctor, the grim look on his face made a cold rush go down the Captain's spine. '_Oh no,_' he thought, '_Something's wrong. Something with John that the Doc didn't want the others to hear?_' He was surprised his voice held no sign of his inward anxiety as he asked, "Something wrong, Doc?'

Brackett saw the look cross the Captain's face and correctly surmised it's meaning. "Johnny's fine. I told you all we know right now. I just wanted to know where Roy was and what's going on between those two. It could make a difference in Johnny's progress."

Cap sighed heavily and ran a tired hand down his face, "Doc?" he murmured, "I was afraid you'd say that." He motioned toward the chairs and as the two men sat, Cap gave the brief version of the tension between the two over the last two weeks. Brackett listened to what the Fire Captain was telling him, what he diplomatically was not telling him, and what he already knew or had surmised. He kept his best 'doctor' face on as the man concluded with, "and as for where Roy is now? I assume he's at his home. Will he be in later to see John? That, Doc, it the $64,000 question."

***************************************************************

Chet hesitated at the door, looking back toward Mike who merely reached past the Irishman and pushed it open. Chet now had no choice but enter the room, Mike right behind him. Then both men stopped as they got their first look at their shiftmate.

"Well, he looks better," Chet uttered although personally he'd seen livelier corpses. Mike tilted his head and glanced at him from the corner of his eye as Chet merely shrugged.

"Hi . . .guys," came faintly from under the mask and the two moved closer.

"Looking good there, Gage." Chet oozed enthusiasm, "So when you gonna get your lazy butt out of bed and back to work? Oww!" Mike's elbow jabbed roughly into his side. The engineer moved closer, his voice soothing as he spoke, "Never mind him, Johnny. We're just glad to see you recovering."

Johnny didn't say anything but Mike caught the look of gratitude that flashed in his brown eyes. As Chet inhaled to say something else, Mike interrupted, "Doc said we could only stay a few minutes. Besides, there are others waiting to see you." Johnny nodded weakly. Mike patted his shoulder and smiled. Then he turned and grabbed Chet's elbow.

"Hey now wait a moment! I didn't get to say anything!" He protested.

"Chet, you're taxing on a healthy man, let alone one out of surgery. Say good-bye." Mike told him as he maneuvered the shorter man toward the door.

"Good-bye Gage come back soon!" The Irishman managed before he was shoved out the door. Johnny could hear him grumbling in the hall then whining something to Cap. He gave a faint grin over his shiftmates antics, knowing they were mostly put-ons for his benefit.

The door opened again and two more figures approached the bed. He tried to smile up at them and raise his hand. Immediately, Adelina gently pushed his hand back onto the mattress. "Don't Juanito. Don't do anything that might strain yourself." She gently admonished him, her eyes shining with unshed tears as she smiled lovingly at him. "I can see you're in pain."

He grimaced, "Sorry." he breathed. Adelina frowned, looked at Marco who frowned back and shrugged. "For what, amigo?"

"Al-ways . . .makin' ya . . . worry,"

At once Adelina gave out a cry and stroked his head, "Oh no! No, mi hijo. There is no need. I worry because I care about you and I wouldn't have it any other way!"

Marco nodded, concern in his dark eyes as he watched his foster brother. "Johnny, you didn't do anything wrong. In fact everything you did was straight out of the book."

Johnny frowned, "Hey . . . name callin'. Not nice." Marco looked confused and Johnny continued, "Called me . . .Brice." Marco got it then and chuckled, "You're right, Johnny. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult you." At his mother's bewildered look, he just nodded, indicating he'd tell her later.

Under the mask, Johnny yawned widely and his eyes fell to half-closed. Adelina patted his shoulder, "You're tired, Juanito and the good Doctor said sleep was best for you. We will leave now, but we will be back and as always, you are in my prayers." She leaned over and kissed his forehead.

Marco patted his shoulder as well, "Rest Johnny, take care and if you need anything, anything at all don't hesitate."

Johnny gave a tired nod, his eyes more closed now than open as they left. He heard the door, heard another set of footsteps coming close. He knew who it was, knew he needed to talk to him, explain. He forced his heavy lids open and turned his head slightly toward his Captain.

"Cap."

Cap smiled, "Relax John. Sleep if you can." He told his youngest shift-member. 'He looks so pale, so thin. I didn't realize he was getting so thin. Mike did tell me; I should've stepped in sooner.' Cap disguised his frown as he noticed Johnny's gaze shift behind the Cap as if looking for someone else. Then Johnny sighed heavily and Cap echoed it.

As if suddenly remembering him, Johnny looked back up at Stanley, "Sorry 'bout getting' . . . hurt again." He murmured. Cap shook his head and laid a hand on Johnny's shoulder. "It's not your fault, John. You were only doing your job."

Johnny made a face which became a grimace of pain when a muscle spasmed across his torn up abdomen. "No, inefficient . . . use of time . . . resour-rces." He mumbled, rolling his head back and forth, his eyes mostly closed.

Cap couldn't hide his frown this time, "No, John. You did all you were supposed too. You aren't to blame for anything." He pressed a little firmer on John's shoulder and waited until the younger man's eyes opened again. He repeated his words, his voice firm and his hand accenting them. Johnny met his gaze, his own searching for any sign these were just platitudes but there was none there. Cap was serious. Tension left his body and he gave a faint smile as his eyes closed again and this time stayed that way. His breath evened out and deepened and Cap knew he slept. He patted that bare shoulder again and sighed deeply. "Don't you worry about anything other than getting better, John." he told him in a soft voice, "That's all we expect of you. Just . . .get better." With one last look at the bedridden figure, he quietly left.

He left the room and wasn't surprised to find his men still in the hall. Four sets of eyes looked up at him as he walked toward them. Chet was the first.

"Geez, Cap did you see how skinny Gage was? I've seen pictures from prison camps of fatter captives! Oww! Mikey!"

"Don't worry. When he can eat, I will bring him food," Adelina assured, "This hospital food is not for the ill to stomach."

Cap and Mike exchanged looks saying more than words ever could before Cap gave an answer, "Yes, Chet, I saw him. And I'm sure his doctors are aware also. Right now, he's getting the best care he can and I'm sure that issue will be addressed." He looked into their tired faces, knowing they wanted to hear him tell them everything would be alright in their world. Hell, **he** wanted someone to tell him that!

But the truth was, he couldn't, so he gave them only what he could. "Let's head home now. We are all tired and need rest. Doctor Brackett and the rest here will take good care of John." As they turned away, he caught several bits of their mumbling, the sharpest being, " . . .DeSoto sure is some piece. Not even caring his partner's lying in the hospital half-dead. DAMIT Mikey! You hit me with that elbow one more time . . ."

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Dixie looked up from the never ending nursing schedule to the clock on the wall and sighed. She had checked on Johnny soon after his shiftmates had left and found him sleeping soundly. Then she'd headed up once during her lunch break but they were changing his bandages and the painful pleading look he'd given her told her she was one disturbance more than he could handle at the moment. In order to save some of his dignity, she'd left. She'd called up a little bit ago but was told he'd been taken to x-ray. That had been over an hour hence. She was sure he was back by now and did want to see him again before her shift ended. The head nurse had reported he hadn't said a word since his visitors this morning, merely either nodding or shaking his head in answer to questions.

Finally, she pushed the schedule aside and motioned Betty over. "Cover for me, I'm going to take my break now." Waiting only to get a nod, she left. Outside of his room, she paused, suddenly nervous over the confrontation she might be having. She didn't want to further upset him, but she also worried. So, she pushed the door open and stepped inside.

Before she could say anything, he spoke, his voice low and flat. "Dix, you don't need to come up here so often and check on me, I'm fine."

Dixie put her hands on her hips, her eyes dark with anger, "John Roderick Gage, sandpaper and hair are fine and you are neither so don't start that with me. Now. How are you doing—truth."

Johnny moved uncomfortably and pulled the nonrebreather from his face, "Truth? I hurt everywhere. I can't find any way to lie that doesn't make me want to scream. The stupid anesthesia has me still puking my guts out but all this . . .this crap," he waved his heavily bandaged left hand around himself, "attached to me says I'm alive and healing." He turned dead eyes up to her. "There, is that better?" He laid back, panting slightly at the effort the tirade had cost him.

She shook her head sadly as she rubbed a hand over his shoulder, "No. Not better; but truthful. Thank you."

Suddenly a faint grin appeared on his lips and he looked up at her, "Sandpaper and hair??" He questioned and she laughed.

He tried to move again and grunted in pain. She touched him on his neck, checking his carotid for a pulse since his wrists were bandaged. He let her, even though part of him wanted to pull away.

"A little fast there, phoenix. Try to relax. You've got awhile before your next dose is due."

He nodded faintly as he laid back again and replaced the mask over his face, trying to slow his breathing and relax his throbbing body. "Dix?"

"Hmmm?"

"Was . . .was anyone else hurt?"

Dixie smiled at him and shook her head, "No Johnny. Only you." She patted the only uninjured part of his anterior body—his left shoulder—again. "There was no one else in the area; you made sure it was cleared." She'd been told the tale by both Mike Stoker and Captain Stanley.

Johnny looked Dixie straight in the eye, "Kent?"

Dixie's jaw twitched, "He was fine." She managed to nonchalantly reply. "Being in the squad protected him."

Johnny nodded then his breath caught in pain. Dix rubbed his shoulder in an effort to comfort the hurting man as he gasped his way through it. When it eased, he took a deep breath and released it in a sigh. He looked back up into the moist eyes of his friend and gave a faint grin, "Rrr. . .rule number one." He muttered.

She gently swatted his shoulder, "Applies only to field paramedics not battle hardened headnurses like me. We're already immune."

His grin broadened, "Yeah. Sure." he whispered. Taking another deep breath, he continued, "Dix? Don't blame Kent. I don't. He's . . . he's just still green. He did what he could. It's . . .it's different when it's your first time in charge."

Dix just nodded, not trusting herself to reply. Johnny sighed again. He knew the headnurse knew what he did; Kent had frozen and in doing so, endangered Johnny's life.

"Dix? Who responded?"

At this, Dix smiled broadly, "Your old friends from 110's. Tom Wheeler and Kirk Mueller."

Johnny groaned loudly, "I'm . . .I'm not gonna see myself on . . .on the news, am I?"

Dix laughed at the reference to the gloryhound Wheeler whose even minor rescues awhile back had been front page news. "I don't think so. It all happened so fast, I doubt the cameras or news crews even got there before you were transported."

"Good. I . . .I don't mind bein' beholden to Kirk. He's decent enough, but Wheeler?" Johnny managed a smile before another wave of pain stiffened his body. Again he panted his way through it, feeling Dixie's comforting hand. As it eased off, he relaxed. He turned to give the nurse another smile when another sensation hit him. His eyes widened as he swallowed desperately.

Dixie saw the look and immediately reached for the emesis bowl by his side. He gave a strangled, "nnnooo," as he failed to keep his stomach from contracting. Dix pulled the mask off and moved him slightly to his side, supporting his body with hers while she rubbed his back as he gagged. With nothing in his stomach, he only dry heaved but the pain it caused him made his head swim and his vision white out. A choked off cry worked its way up his throat as well.

Dimly, over the rushing sound in his ears, he could hear Dix soothing him, "easy Johnny. Just try to relax. Don't fight it; you'll make it worse. That's right. I've got you, Just relax."

Dix watched as the man before her panted and retched, his face blanched white with pain, his eyes closed, knowing there was very little she could do to ease his distress. Finally the episode passed and she helped him roll back. As he weakly lay back, panting and sweating, she went into the bathroom but soon returned with a dampened cloth. She carefully wiped his face and neck and then replaced the mask. He sighed heavily.

"Brackett said . . .if x-rays looked good." He told her. "I'd get rid of this." He tapped the mask with his left hand. She nodded, "I know."

He looked up into her eyes and quietly announced, "I'm so tired, Dix." She nodded, her eyes never leaving his. Somehow she knew he was talking about more than his physical state. They stayed that way for several long moments, then he blinked slowly.

He rolled his head away from her, his eyes closed, "He didn't even come." His voice was so soft, Dixie almost missed his next words as well. "All the others came but he couldn't even pretend . . ." The words broke off in a inhalation sounding too much like a sob. Dixie pretended she couldn't see the tear that ran down his cheek as she continued wiping the refreshing cloth over him.

"I know, Johnny, I know." She told him again, her heart breaking at his pain. She continued to wash his face and stroke his hair, even long after his breath evened off in sleep.

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	18. Chapter 18

Sorry I took so long this time. RL got in the way again. For all you faithful who have stuck with me, we are coming nearer to the end. That clue bus is gonna hit dead-on! As always, thanks ever so much for the encouragement. You keep responding and I'll keep writing!

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"Hi, Dad! Whatcha doin' sittin' out here in the car? Mom has pancakes waiting inside. Dontcha want any? Can I go tell her? Can I eat yours?" His son's face appeared suddenly at the window startling him out of his deep thoughts. Roy looked up, realizing he was sitting in his driveway, sitting in his car and still just as confused over what he should do as he was when he'd left the station.

He sighed heavily and put on a smile for his son as he opened the car door. "Good morning to you too, young man." He grabbed the boy up under one arm and carried him toward the house. He set the squirming giggling lad down as he climbed the front steps. Just then the door opened and his daughter attached herself to his leg. She bubbled on happily, her eyes sparkling as he looked at her. His daughter, his healthy beautiful whole daughter. Could he still have said that if someone else . . .someone other than John Gage . . . had been watching her that fateful evening? If someone like Marcus Kent had responded?

Roy shook his head, not liking that train of thoughts and not yet ready for where that train might lead him. He plastered what he hoped looked like a sincere smile on his face and let his two jabbering children lead him into the kitchen.

He let the kids chatter on as they entered the hub of the household. Jo stood at the stove, a griddle full of pancakes before her, a spatula in her hand. She wore her old terry-cloth robe and Roy thought he'd never seen anything so lovely. She looked up at him and stepped forward, quickly kissed his cheek and motioned toward his chair. He took it silently, his eyes just drinking in the sight of her as she poured him a cup of coffee and turned toward him.

His expression stopped her and her eyes searched his face. She could see the dark circles, the lines around his eyes and lips, the slightly pinched way he held his mouth. She knew these signs well, something was bothering her husband, something serious, and he wouldn't be willing to discuss it with her until he was ready. She sighed internally, '_Johnny would know what to say and he'd say it, devil be damned. And stubborn Roy would hear it from him because Johnny wouldn't have it any other way._' Another sigh, _'Why can't he see how much he needs Johnny in his life, how much we all do?'_

She handed him the coffee and in a soft voice asked, "Tough shift?" He shook his head, then paused and with a sigh, nodded. After all, his partner had nearly . . .no, he wouldn't think about that, he _couldn't_ think about that. Not now, maybe not ever.

Breakfast was a subdued affair for the adults although the children didn't seem to notice as they jabbered, squabbled and ate their way through it. Finally Jo ordered them back to their rooms, "Strip the beds and bring the bedding and your dirty clothes down, then you can go outside and play." Laughing and pushing each other, they ran off. JoAnne cleared the table then sat again with her coffee.

"Did you talk with Johnny?" She asked timidly. She hated fighting with her husband and the fight they'd had before he'd left for work had her praying all day and night for his safety. Her prayers were apparently answered as he was home safe but something was just as obviously wrong.

Roy heard her words and more over, heard her emotions behind them. He sighed deeply. He couldn't help but think about what she'd told him before he'd left the previous morning and what had happened that day. He knew she'd never been the type for 'I-told-you-sos' but found he still didn't want to admit she'd been right.

"I . . .uh, didn't really get a chance. The shift . . .uh . . .was really crazy." He told her truthfully. "Ga . . .John . . .and I didn't uh . . .get much time with each other." He stared deeply into his coffee cup, his lips thin lines.

Jo nodded faintly, not willing at the moment to push the subject. She figured that over his next three days off they'd have other opportunities to talk.

"Roy? Why don't you head upstairs for a nap?" she suggested. Roy shook his head as he sipped his coffee, "I couldn't sleep. At least not yet." He sighed and pushed himself up from the table, "I think I'll clean out the shed." With that, he was gone. Jo looked after him with a sigh, "Now I know something is wrong, Roy William. I've been after you to clean out that shed for two years."

The day passed slowly for Roy. He sorted and reorganized the shed, ate the sandwich Jo brought out for his lunch, then tackled mowing and trimming the yard. Once that was finished, he re-entered the house and took a long shower. He found his wife back in the kitchen, preparing the evening meal when he entered looking for a cool drink. She watched him as he sat at the table, then joined him with a glass of lemonade herself.

"Roy, what's wrong?" She watched him carefully as she asked it, knowing he'd try to shrug it off with a 'nothing's wrong'.

He shrugged and she hid a smile. "You said it was a rough shift?"

He nodded.

She sighed. "Well, can you tell me about it?"

He toyed with his glass. "Not much to tell. Uh, headquarters decided to transfer Marc to 45's for the rest of his training." He figured maybe that would be safer to talk about than the twisting myriad of thoughts in his head.

Jo blinked in surprise. "Oh? Whatever for?"

He shrugged again, "I dunno. Maybe for a more diverse training?"

She glanced at him sideways, something about that didn't sound right but she also knew policy changes happened all the time. She looked over at the pan of brownies cooling on the rack and got an idea.

"Roy, it's been ages since Johnny's been over. Why don't you call him and see if he'd like to join us for supper?"

Roy felt a cold chill race down his back as he stuttered, "Uh, I don't think he's home. I think he had somewhere else he was going to be this break."

She stared him in the eye and restated, "Call him. You won't know unless you call him."

Roy frowned then sighed heavily. He didn't really want to argue with his wife and he really didn't want to tell her he knew John Gage wouldn't answer his home phone because John Gage was lying half-dead in a bed in SICU at Rampart General. He picked up the receiver then put his fingers into the holes to dial the phone and paused, stricken. This time the chill running down his back turned and centered in his stomach, making him slightly nauseous. '_What's his number? I can't remember his number! My God! Has it been so long since I've called him that I can't even remember his number?_' The very thought upset him as he saw the truth in it. The number that used to be as automatic as his own was now as foreign as if someone had asked him the one for Tokyo International.

Quickly he dialed the automated number for the time and temp, knowing his wife was watching him and wondering why he was stalling. He listened to the recording several times before looking at Jo and shrugging. "He's not answering." he said truthfully as he hung up the phone.

Uncomfortable with his lying actions, he muttered something about straightening the garage and left.

JoAnne waited until she heard noises in the garage before she crossed the kitchen to the phone alcove. She hated the feeling that her husband was lying to her, but with all the strange things that had been happening over the last month, she had to know for certain. She quickly dialed the familiar number and listened as the tones rang and rang with no answer. Several emotions raced through her- relief her husband had told the truth, disappointment that Johnny wasn't available, and anger that she was having to force this issue. She sighed heavily and hung up, muttering to herself. "I'll give you this one right now but we will settle this and soon. For all our sakes."

"Who you talking to, Mommy?" Jennifer's voice broke into her thoughts.

"No one." She automatically answered.

Jenny frowned, "Who was on the phone?"

Jo looked at her daughter and smiled, "No one. I was just trying to call Uncle Johnny and see if he'd like to come over for some brownies."

Jenny clapped her hands, "Oh Goody! Uncle Johnny loves brownies and I haven't seen him in forever! I want to show him my new Barbie! When will he be here?"

Jo sighed as she placed a cover over the brownies. "He's not coming, sweetheart. He wasn't home."

"Oh." She could hear the wealth of disappointment in that one word and turned toward her child. Jenny was the picture of dejection, her head down, her shoulders slumped, her lower lip protruding. Jo smiled as she knelt down and gently lifted her daughter's chin. "Hey hey, don't be sad. We'll try again later, OK?"

Jenny nodded and suddenly threw her arms around her mother's neck in a hug. "I miss him, Mommy." came her muffled voice.

Jo held her close as she sighed heavily. "So do I, sweetie, so do I."

Even though he was already in the garage, Roy hadn't pulled the door fully shut and had gone back to correct that and heard what had transpired in his kitchen. Anger boiled up in him again and he almost gratefully gave in to the rising tide of it.

'_How dare she? She went behind my back and checked_!' he thought. He grabbed the keys to his car and stuck his head into the kitchen.

"I've got some errands to run. I'll be back later. Don't wait supper; I might pick up something while I'm out." His sight barely registered the shocked look on his wife's face and the startled look on his daughter's before he slammed the door. He revved the engine of his Porsche and pulled out of the drive with a little more speed then necessary. Soon he was out of the residential areas and headed down the main streets.

He kept his anger under enough control to keep under the speed limit but he was taking corners a little fast and daring yellow lights. In his mind, he kept hearing all the unwanted advice that he felt had bombarded him over the last week. He could hear the irritating calm of Bob Schultz as he so easily forgave him for what Roy felt was a grave fault. He could hear Stoker's tirade in the station as well as the recent fight with JoAnne. He had no real direction planned as he muttered to himself. '_Everyone has an opinion of what I should do and how I should act. Well maybe I didn't want their opinions! Maybe I'm perfectly happy being just the way I am!'_ He groused, trying to convince himself of not only the justification of his thoughts but the truth of them. When he pulled into the parking area of Rampart, part of him was surprised and the other part formed a fast idea. '_This is all __**his**__ fault! Well, I've had enough. Injured or not, I'm going to have a chat with one John Roderick Gage once and for all.'_

Roy was still angry as he stormed down the silent hall of Rampart Hospital, angry over the words his wife had said, angry over the tranquility and acceptance of Bob Schultz over what Roy considered a fault in himself as well as others, angry over Stoker's unexpected tongue lashing, just angry.

The anger spurred Roy on as he snuck down the hall toward SICU. Roy paused by the door, seeing it was latched open. From his vantage point he could see the pale figure of his partner surrounded by machines within the room. Glaring at the still form, he focused all of his anger once more onto his partner's slender frame. It was Gage's fault, he was a menace. He was undisciplined, unruly, out of control . . .

Johnny remained unaware of his presence, and, as he had for the last two weeks, silently bore his friend's misguided anger. Johnny's eyes were closed, his chest rising and falling in the rhythm of sleep. His very lack of response seemed to aggravate Roy's feelings and his teeth clenched as tight as the fists by his side. Then, unbidden, Mike's words replayed in his ear_. "Face it DeSoto, the real reason you're mad at Johnny has nothing to do with what he did or didn't do. The real reason is it was out of your control. You couldn't stop Jenny from getting hurt and you couldn't stop Johnny from getting hurt. You had no control over it; it was just an accident!"_

He shook his head, banishing the words as he rebuilt his anger. He wouldn't tolerate it. No sir, he was master of his own house, ruler of his castle, his own life by God. Things would go as **he** wanted. He'd kick that no good uncontrollable non-conformist right out of his life on his skinny behind! So thinking, Roy worked himself up, breathing raggedly as he readied himself for action. He'd show Gage; Roy _was_ the one in control . . .

Like a irritating recording, Bob Shultz's words cycled back again. '_It was an accident and sometimes accidents just happen, no matter what you do. I doubt there was anything short of stopping time that could have been done. I know that no matter how badly you never want to see them hurt sometimes we have no choice over it. Kids will be kids and accidents will happen. It's alright: I understand. It's really difficult to admit we have no control sometimes. Sometimes the main point of God's grace is that there are those around who can help once the accident happens_.'

For the first time, Roy paused and let himself really think on the matter. Had Bob and Mike been right? Was all this anger he felt, all this resentment toward Johnny, was it all really because of what happened to Jenny? He remembered the sight of his daughter as she'd run to greet him, how he'd been thankful in that moment she was healthy and whole, then he remembered her plaintive voice telling her mother she missed Johnny. Roy took a deep breath and traced back. The anger, it had started the day the sheriff had told him about Jenny's injury. He felt the wave of fear close over him again but this time he forced himself to think it through.

She'd been hurt, yes.

It was bad, yes.

But.

It could have been much worse.

Johnny had been there; he'd known what to do and had done it. Roy remembered Dr. Bentley's praise over his partner's actions with Jenny and recalled how Dixie had chided him with, "Did you expect him to give any less than his best?" With a heavy heart, Roy admitted the truth. He _knew_ John Gage, knew the paramedic he _was_ and more importantly, knew how much his young partner loved that little girl. He knew Johnny'd never give anything less than his everything in her care. He'd known it all along but had refused to admit it.

Roy closed his eyes, letting himself sag weakly against the wall as the truth of the entire last sixteen days came to him at last. '_Oh God; they were right! Jo . . .and Mike! I've been such a fool_!'

A slight noise from the bed caused Roy to reopen his eyes and he looked, really looked, at the man before him. Johnny's immobilized hands were lying by his sides, showing his sleep wasn't natural. Roy well knew Johnny slept with at least one arm over his eyes. The senior paramedic stepped a little closer and could now see the damage done to his partner's body. His eyes followed the IV line running from the pole into Johnny's battered chest. He could see the cuts, the bruises, the burns and yes, the heavily bandaged areas. He saw the cast on Johnny's right hand, hiding the multitude of stitches he knew was barely holding its form together. He saw the other hand, nearly as bandaged with only the thumb and first two fingers free. He noticed how the sheet pooled close to Johnny's body showing the thinness of it, could see the prominence of the exposed collarbones and shoulder joints from where Johnny's gown had slipped downward.

Warily, Roy allowed his gaze to travel up the still burn reddened neck with its shallower cuts to the face. Johnny's black hair framed his pale face. Other cuts, some deeper and stitched, angled over those sharp cheek bones. '_He's lost weight_,' Roy thought_. ' A lot of weight._' Something tickled his memory, something about hearing Mike tell Cap he was worried Johnny wasn't eating right even before the accident. Suddenly the whole ramifications of the entire incident hit him as hard as the explosion that had hit Johnny.

He could have died.

John Gage—his partner, his friend—could have died out there on that street, left with a paramedic inexperienced on how to help him because of his—Roy's—ego. All because Roy and only Roy knew how to do it right, unlike anyone else. Roy groaned as he realized his bid for control had done just the opposite. It had brought nothing but chaos and his bewildered friend had been pulled helplessly into the epicenter. Roy had had his **illusion **of control, while Johnny's life had spiraled out of control because of it.

Before him, Johnny stirred again, his head moving on the pillow as a low moan escaped him. Roy's face blanched nearly as pale as his wounded partner's and he turned quickly and left. Paused in the hall, Roy's eyes squeezed shut in nearly crippling guilt as he heard his partner's soft voice plaintively call out, "Roy?"

Roy reopened his eyes, took a deep breath and quickly left, heading back toward his car and his home. He just couldn't bring himself to face this man who had suffered so much because of him. In fact, Roy was just now becoming aware of how much Johnny **had** suffered because of him. Now he couldn't face him, not now . . .maybe not for a long time, if ever. Roy DeSoto knew he was taking the coward's way out but right now, it was all he could do.

Back in the room, Johnny looked around, wondering what had awakened him. He thought there was someone in his room. He thought it was Roy. '_Just imagined it,' he scolded himself. 'Get over it Gage. He doesn't care about you, probably never did. Face it.'_

He scratched at the edge of one of the smaller cuts on his face and felt the sting of the burn. It had now been nearly thirty hours since he'd been injured. His last x-ray had looked good, no sign of blast lung. Brackett had allowed the nonrebreather to be switched to a nasal cannula and told him they would take another x-ray in the morning. If it was still good, they would move him from SICU. Brackett had also been pleased with his urine output, satisfied John's kidneys weren't showing damage from the blood loss. To Johnny's immense relief, the hated Foley had been removed and he'd been assisted to the bathroom.

The nausea had finally stopped and he'd managed to eat some jello and juice and keep it down. His doctors were pleased and had told him so. If they'd been disappointed in his lack of enthusiasm on their news, he didn't notice. But then, he hadn't really paid much attention either, answering their questions in mono-symbols and merely pretending he was listening.

Johnny sighed, looking around the room. '_I wanna go home. I'm tired and I want out of here. I wanna go home and just curl up in my own bed and . . . and just . ._ .'

He tightened his jaw, his decision made. He knew there would be arguments but he'd face them. Being controlled now by the Gage stubborn gene, John Gage made his silent plans.

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Roy knew just when Jo got up the next morning. When he'd gotten home the previous night, she'd already been in bed. He'd crawled in, mumbled an apology and kissed her cheek. She'd given him a sleepy half-smile and then rolled back over. Roy had laid there, awake and still, until well after he'd heard the morning paper delivered. Now it was hours later and his family's routine had started.

The remainder of the morning passed in much the same manner as the previous day. Roy worked on projects around the house and twice more called Johnny's silent house when his wife asked. Each time the guilt in his chest grew and finally, noticing the bleak look that would come over her husband's face each time, she stopped asking. '_Johnny must have gone camping or something. We'll try next break, He usually doesn't go anywhere on the 24 hours between those two shifts_' she reasoned.

Johnny's Wednesday was very different from his partner's. He'd waken early, feeling stronger that he had the previous two days. He'd eaten a breakfast of part of a soft egg and some toast washed down with weak coffee. He napped until awaken by a nurse who checked his vitals. When she was finished, he was taken down for his third x-ray. When he got back to his room, he found Momma Lopez waiting for him.

Adelina made sure she was seated on Johnny's left side so he could hear her. She knew he'd damaged his right ear in the explosion and had temporary hearing loss, or at least they hoped it was temporary. She smiled at him as the orderly transferred him back to his bed. "Hola, mi hijo. You look much better today." He only nodded to her and her bright smile faltered. But she took a deep breath, strengthening her resolution to put on a happy front no matter what he did. Her friend, Dixie, had told her about how worried she was about his withdrawn attitude and in turn, Adelina had filled Dixie in on more of what had been happening to Johnny, including the picnic and afterwards. To say Dixie was now angry at Roy and Marc would have been an understatement.

Adelina reached down to the carry-bag by her feet and pulled out a plastic container. With pleasure she saw interest spark faintly in Johnny's eyes as she then placed the container on his tray and moved it closer to him.

He eyed it then faced her, still silent. She smiled brightly again and asked, "Well? Open it! It's for you." Carefully he reached for the top and she helped his clumsy two fingered actions by steadying the container. As the lid came off, the room immediately filled with the mouth-watering aroma of homemade soup. She noticed Johnny's nostrils flaring as he breathed deeply. She handed him a spoon, saying, "It's chicken and rice, made just the way you like it. Eat. I know you must be hungry." She leaned closer and whispered conspiratorially, "You'd best hurry before one of the nurses or doctors smell it and take it away."

He gave a faint smile and carefully took the spoon. Adelina bit her lip, and worked hard on concealing her dismay at his marked weakness and stumbling efforts to use only his left hand. She could see how badly his hand shook as he tried handling the utensil but he finally managed to lift a decent spoonful up to his mouth. As he did, she hid a smile. She knew the nurses or doctors wouldn't take the offered food away since she and they had contrived this, hoping that feeling he was defying them a little would encourage the much too thin paramedic to eat.

She watched as more spoonfuls came after that first hesitant one and the small container was soon empty. Johnny placed the spoon on the tray and sat back with a satisfied sigh. He looked over at into the expectant face of his visitor. "Good." He finally said. "Gracias."

Her smile broadened. "You are always welcome, mi hijo. You should know that."

He nodded, he did know. He looked back toward the bag at her feet and asked, "You bring them?"

She nodded and put the bag up on the tray. Johnny reached into it, looking over the contents and nodding to himself.

"I brought them, Juanito, but I don't know why you wanted them now." Adelina shifted in her chair. She'd been uncomfortable with the phone call and requests she'd gotten the night before. "You know you must stay in the hospital for at least three more days. Dr. Brackett is worried."

"Brackett is always worried. That's his job." He pulled out the pair of sweats then paused at the frowning face of his foster parent. He pulled at the thin hospital gown and made a face. "I hate these."

She relaxed a little and nodded, "I can understand that. But the shoes . . .and socks."

"My feet get cold." He explained. "They have me walk and just socks are slippery."

Again she nodded, everything he said made perfect sense so why was her 'mother radar' going ballistic. Before she could press him further, a nurse pushing a tray filled with supplies entered the room. She smiled at Adelina and apologized. "I'm afraid I must ask you to leave, Mrs. Lopez. I must change Mr. Gage's bandages then the doctor will be making his rounds. If everything goes well, we will be moving Mr. Gage out of SICU."

Adelina turned bright eyes toward him and cried, "Oh mi hijo! That's wonderful!"

He forced a small smile and nodded his head. She stood, leaned over him and gave him a kiss on the forehead. With a smile she told him, "I'll see you later."

He merely nodded again and watched as she left the room before turning his attention back to the nurse and heaving a heavy sigh.

After all his wounds except his hands had been uncovered, he waited patiently for Dr. Brackett to appear. The dark haired doctor bustled into the room, his attention deeply on the chart he carried. He flipped through several pages then turned his attention to the body before him. He poked and prodded, listened and nodded as he completed his exam. Although his face never showed it, he was aware of Johnny's uncharacteristic wordless compliance. Finally, he made several notes on the chart then looked down into the brown eyes looking up at him. He smiled and was disappointed when Johnny didn't return the smile.

"Looking good Johnny." He told his patient. "The x-ray was still normal and your lungs are still clear so we can take you off the oxygen support. Your wounds are healing well. How is the headache?"

"'bout gone."

Brackett's mouth twitched but he merely nodded. "And your hearing?"

Johnny sighed. "Right ear still sounds like everything's underwater. Left ear is better."

Brackett eyed him, "Still ringing?"

Johnny gave a one shoulder shrug, "Off and on."

"Uh huh. Well Johnny, everything is looking great. I'll go ahead and give the order to move you off SICU. I think your progress had been good enough now."

Johnny didn't acknowledge this, he maintained his downcast stare.

With a sigh of his own, Brackett closed the chart. "Now Johnny," he began but was interrupted.

"It doesn't matter."

Brackett frowned and stared intently at the younger man before him. "What do you mean?"

"Whether you move me. It doesn't matter." Johnny's voice was flat and emotionless, just as Brackett noticed his eyes had been since he'd woken up.

Confusion was evident on the good doctor's face as he said, "I don't understand. What do you mean 'it doesn't matter.'"

This time Johnny raised his head and looked Brackett in the eye. "It doesn't matter because I'm not staying." He watched as the doctor tried to comprehend what he was saying and decided to cut to the chase with. "I'm leaving, Doc. I'm signing myself out. Today. Right now."


	19. Chapter 19

Sorry this was so long coming...midterms. I promise the next installment will be up faster. Hope you like this, it's all Johnny and things are heating up again. Thanks for all the wonderful feedback. Now I just have to live up to all your high expectations!

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Slowly the meaning became clear and Brackett's face darkened, "You can't be serious."

Johnny gave him a slow measured nod. "I am. I'm signing myself out."

Brackett thumped the chart as he tried to control his initial anger and place his thoughts into calm coherent words. While part of him wanted to scream at the paramedic he was being downright asinine, he knew that wouldn't help his cause. For once, Brackett knew that being composed and rational would be the only way he could ever hope to change Johnny's mind. He took a deep breath and began, "Johnny, you are doing well, as I have said, but you are in no way healed enough to leave here. Your body underwent a great deal of stress both from the explosion and the surgery. You lost over a third of your blood volume and you're still markedly anemic. You've lost over twenty pounds since your last physical and are now at least fifteen pounds under weight. That too can, and will, have an affect on your healing. You need to get plenty of rest and have regular meals in order to heal properly."

"I can rest and eat at home." Johnny stated.

"What about your meds?" Brackett tried again, his brain scrabbling for that right combination of words that would keep the young paramedic safely in his hospital. "You just had major surgery not even 48 hours ago. You need to keep your pain under control. And you can't move around much or you'll tear out your stitches. And then there's infection. The debris you were hit with made the chance for infection very high."

Johnny shrugged as he pushed back the covers and began pulling on his sweat pants. "I can take the meds in pill form. The nausea is gone and I've kept down my meals. If not, you can just leave the IV. It's not like I've never handled one before or never started one on myself. As for the stitches, I don't plan on going to work, just back to my own bed. I am trained; I know how to care for my injuries."

Brackett sighed, reluctantly admitting everything he'd said was true., "I know you can. Listen, I think once you get moved off the SICU floor you'll feel better. I understand how intense it is here but you have to understand it was all for your own good." he tapped the chart again. "With the blood loss and the danger of concussion injuries, we've needed to monitor your vitals pretty closely. Now once you're off this floor we can relaxed somewhat in that area but they still need to be monitored. You know the dangers. If something were to happen, someone here could react in mere minutes. If it were to happen at home, well, bluntly put Johnny, by the time you realized it — if you even realized it — and called for help and help reached you, you'd be dead."

Johnny's eyes met his but the look on his face remained impassive. "I'm very aware of that. It doesn't change my mind. I'm leaving. Period."

Anger now flooded the doctor, turning his face red as his mouth twitched, "Damn it Gage! You are your own worse enemy! Your stubbornness . . ." Brackett caught himself as he saw Johnny flinch, then shift his body so his back faced the doctor but not before Kel saw the blood rise in his still pale cheeks and his lips thin while his jaw muscles tightened.

Brackett sighed heavily and smacked the chart. He knew that short of knocking the man out and tying him to his bed, he couldn't stop Johnny from leaving. And if he made him angry enough, the paramedic wouldn't return for help, even if his life depended on it. That in itself was more than enough to immediately chill Brackett's anger. "All right." he breathed in defeat.

Johnny glanced up, his dark eyes doubt-filled then he slowly nodded and began pulling on his socks. Brackett watched him sadly then an idea came. It was a thin hope but all he had. He reached out and laid a hand on the paramedic's bare shoulder, "Johnny, wait. At least give me this."

With trepidation, Johnny looked up at the doctor, his stance wary. But the look of genuine concern on the doctor's face held his tongue still.

Brackett saw he had Johnny's attention and plunged ahead. "You need to have those wounds redressed and the IV removed. I'll send in a nurse and order supplies for you to care for them at home. I'll also call down to the pharmacy and get your meds ordered. Will you at least wait until they come?"

Johnny's eyes searched the doctor's face and his eyes, looking for any signs of possible deception. Apparently he found none since he gave a reluctant nod, "I'll wait."

Brackett smiled faintly and gave him a nod back. He watched as the younger man swung his legs back up onto the bed and leaned back into the pillows. Kel's mouth twitched again as he took in the still pale complexion and the lines of fatigue around those dark eyes. Holding back the desperate angry words he wanted so to shout, Brackett took a step toward the door before he turned again. In a calm voice which belied the frustration he really felt he told his paramedic. "You know I think you're wrong doing this. I really believe this is a bad idea."

To his surprise a faint smile curled Johnny's lips as he faced him. "That's why it's called AMA, Doc. Against Medical Advice."

Brackett chuckled quietly at that then became serious once more, "Please Johnny. Promise me this. If anything, anything changes. If you develop a fever or the vomiting comes back, or the headaches get worse or you get dizzy—anything at all."

Again that faint smile and this time a nod, "I'll come in, Doc." Brackett sighed again as he walked out the door.

Johnny watched the door swing shut. He was surprised that Brackett hadn't given him more of an argument. However, he also knew nothing the good doctor could have said would have changed his mind. Johnny also knew that waiting for the meds would probably take a few hours, and he knew that Brackett knew that as well. Johnny fully expected to use that as a test on whether or not Brackett treated him fairly. If the meds didn't come in a reasonable time, he'd leave anyway. And Johnny knew that Brackett knew that also.

Johnny sighed heavily and let himself relax into the pillows. He was tired; the mind battle with Brackett had taken more out of him then he wanted to admit. Before he could close his eyes, the door opened again and another nurse came in, smiling brightly.

"Mr. Gage, I'm here to dress those wounds." She immediately set about covering the stitched areas. Then she removed the nasal cannula from his face and shut off the oxygen. She pulled something else off the tray she'd carried in and reached for the IV. Alarmed, Johnny pulled away. Had Brackett tricked him? Was she here to sedate him?

As if reading his mind, the nurse lowered her hand to show him she only held a 2x2 and a bandage. "The doctor ordered your IV be pulled, Mr. Gage. This won't take but a second." Quickly she completed the task as Johnny sat slightly stunned. 'Brackett listened to me? Brackett is really gonna let me go?'

He was brought back out of those thoughts by the nurse's gentle bump of his left hand. She held out a small paper cup. Carefully he took it, seeing two pills inside.

"Your pain meds and the antibiotic were changed to oral." The nurse supplied. She looked quizzically at him, "The doctor was just in here. Didn't he discuss these changes with you Mr. Gage?"

Numbly Johnny nodded and tossed them into his mouth then gratefully accepted the straw to the glass of water she provided. Once he was done, the nurse pulled the blanket over him and with another smile and a friendly pat on his cast, she left.

It wasn't long after that Johnny's tired eyes closed and he slept.

Gretchen finished reading the new entries to the chart in her hand then walked soundlessly into the room. As her trained eyes slipped critically over the sleeping figure lying before her, she sighed softly. He looked so young, and while asleep, peaceful. It broke her heart that that same peace didn't show in his dull eyes when he was awake. '_I've seen many kinds of wounds, both physical and not physical, and I've seen wounds like yours before also, lieberchen. Someone has hurt you badly. As my grossmuter used to say, you've nearly been soul-killed_.' She shook her head as she walked closer to the bed, '_Those type of wounds don't heal easily. I hope you know what you are doing_.'

She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and pressed slightly while calling softly, "John, Johnny. Wake up."

He moved his head slightly and his brow creased however his lids remained closed. She leaned closer as she rocked his shoulder. "Come on, lieberchen. Time to awaken."

This time his eyes opened and he blinked slowly at her, confused at first then he looked around in awareness. "Gretchen?"

She smiled as he sat up, running his uncovered fingers through his hair. She handed him his shirt and aided him as he pulled it on, watching as he caught his bottom lip between his teeth at the pain that movement caused. Once that was done he turned back toward her and looked at the bag she now held out to him with a bewildered expression.

"Supplies for your wound care and your meds."

He took the bag and looked inside. She walked back toward the door and wheeled in the chair she'd had the orderly bring up. He looked at the chair, then at the bag, back to the chair and then up at her. "He's really gonna let me go?"

She smiled gently at him, "Dr. Brackett is not a jail keeper, Johnny. He really does have only your best interests at heart."

A faint blush stained his cheeks at her gentle chastisement. "I know." He watched as she looked in the various drawers and closets, making sure he had all his possessions. When she joined him back at the bed, she helped steady him as he switched from the bed to the chair. She stopped in front of him and slowly he looked up, dark brown eyes meeting blue ones. "Johnny, I would be remiss as a good nurse if I didn't tell you I think this is a mistake."

He gave her a careful nod. He could see the sincerity in her face and a touch of sadness. "You are still a very sick man. You really need to remain here in the hospital."

He titled his head as a faint smile pulled up the corners of his mouth. "I know. And I know you think so. But I can't stay here. I am leaving."

She nodded and sighed heavily, looking back into his face when she felt his fingers laid on her hand. "Thank you for caring."

She nodded and squeezed his fingers, "More people care about you then you seem to realize." She moved around to the back of the chair, letting him ponder her words. "Who's taking you home?"

"A friend." Was his only answer.

She wheeled him down the halls and out to the drop off/pickup area. He pointed toward a line of taxi's and she frowned as she wheeled him over. She helped him into the cab, placing his belongings with him as he told the driver his address. Before she closed the door, she took his hand again. "John, if you get worse . . ."

He nodded gravely, "I'll come back." Then he tugged at the door and she shut it firmly for him, watching until it pulled out of sight.

Frowning, the driver looked at his charge through the mirror. His fare had leaned back into the seat the moment the cab had started moving and now slumped bonelessly against the door. Worried over the lack of movement he called loudly. "Hey! Hey you back there. You all right?"

Johnny started out of the doze he'd drifted into and blinked at the hail. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

The cabby snorted, "Yeah buddy you look fine. You look like you should be headed for the hospital not away from it."

Johnny didn't answer as he looked out his window. The cabby stole glances in his mirror as he headed away from the city into the surrounding foothill communities. His natural curiosity about this young fellow made him break the silence again. "You a cop or sometin'?"

Confusion crossed Johnny's face as he returned his gaze toward the front. The cabby nodded, "Your shirt. It's got some kinda badge on it."

Johnny looked down at his shirt, noticing for the first time he was wearing his PT clothes marked with the Maltese cross and the initials L.. F.D. "Oh, um, no. I'm a firefighter."

"Ohhh," the cabby exclaimed. "I got family who're firemen."

Johnny just nodded.

The cabby continued, "You get hurt in a fire?"

Johnny nodded then winced as the movement pulled some of the still burned and tender skin.

The cabby also nodded, "Well, hope ya get better. That's a real importen' job you guys do."

Johnny gave a faint nod as he turned his attention back out the window. The sight of his own home brought a sigh from the dark haired man as the taxi pulled in the driveway. He pulled the handle of the door and got out, leaning back in as he told the driver, "Hold on a sec while I get the fare."

"Make it fast buddy, the meter's still tickin'" Was the cabby's only comment. Johnny made his way as quickly as he could across his front lawn and up onto his porch. He grappled momentarily with the door and keys, finding it awkward to handle both with only the use of two fingers and a thumb. Once inside, he dropped the keys on the side table and pulled open the drawer there. He pulled out an envelope from the far back, removed the required bills and shuffled again out the door. He was just in time to see the cabby pulling away. He stood in shock as the driver saluted him with a faint grin and accelerated away. Where the cab had sat now only held the sack of his belongings. Confused, Johnny made his way over and picked them up, noting as he did a scribbled note on the paper bag's side.

"You've already paid enough. Thanks from a grateful John Q. Public" was all it said.

A faint smile crinkled his lips as he looked toward where the cab had disappeared.

Johnny looked toward his house, then toward his barn, debating his next moves. He was bone-weary and knew he should go straight to his bed, but he hadn't seen his animals since he'd left Monday morning. As if summoned by his very thought, excited barking echoed through the barnyard, drawing closer.

Just as he turned toward the noise and started to rise from his crouched position, Johnny was hit by a solid 30 lbs of excited puppy. Tezi whined his pleasure at seeing his friends in constant Husky dialog, adding small yips and deep guttural sounds as he danced around and around the fallen figure, his tongue giving every accessible area of John's body a thorough tongue bath.

A gasp of pain escaped Johnny as his bruised back first made contact with the gravel but was quickly replaced by joyful laughter at the puppy's antics. "Yes, yes. I'm glad to see you too. Now would you please let me up?" he told the pup, knowing his words made little sense to the happy animal. He grabbed ahold of the ruff on either side of the pup's neck and tussled it back and forth, laughing even harder as the pup got even more excited, his yips becoming so high pitched they were nearly inaudible.

"Awright! Awright, I hear ya." He laughed as he ruffled his fingers through the thick fur. Then he commanded, "Tezi. Settle." After only a heartbeat's hesitation, the pup backed off and sat down but he kept up the Husky talk, telling his friend just how worried he'd been over Johnny's absence. Johnny struggled to right himself, finding it nearly impossible with his injures coupled with his not being able to brace himself with either arm. Just as he was debating crawling to the porch to use it as an aid, he heard a voice call, "Mr. G? Is that you?"

He looked up just as Lisa burst through the barn door. She froze for two heartbeats, her eyes going wide at the sight of him on the ground and scanning over the wounds on his face and arms, then she raced quickly toward him, crying, "God! Mr. G.! Are you alright?" She skidded to a halt and dropped to her knees by his side.

He gave her a half-hearted smile, "I'm awright, Lisa. Tezi just got a little excited and knocked me off balance." He tried again to sit up, but his damaged abdominal muscles flared in pain and with a uncontrollable groan, he fell back again.

"Don't move, Mr. G. Don't move!" Her voice rose with each word as Lisa frantically looked him over. She reached out, her hands moving forward, stopping then pulling back only to reach out again, trying to find an area to grasp him without touching his many evident wounds. Finally she slid one hand behind his neck and the other behind his shoulders, then lifted. This gave him the boost he needed while taking the strain off his own abdominals. Once Johnny could sit up, he could regain his feet and did so. Sudden dizziness blurred his sight though and he stumbled. Instantly Lisa wrapped her arm around his waist, supporting him.

"Let's get you into the house, Mr. G." Her voice held her worry.

He resisted her gentle tugging and she turned her face so she could look him in the eye. He smiled softly and patted her hand where it grasped his waist, "It's awright, Lisa, I'm ok, really." She pulled back slightly, the frown on her face showing what she thought of his words. He motioned toward the exercise yard by the barn as he turned, "I want to see Tate." He took a step forward and stumbled again as an unexpected weight twisted around his feet. He looked down at the cat looking up at him.

Lisa had tightened her hold on him as he stumbled and now she glared at the cat. "PQ, don't you dare! You'll knock him down . . .again." she ended with a sigh as the cat ignored her and leapt up to her favored position on Johnny's shoulder, rubbing his cheek and nipping gently on his ear. She sniffed delicately at his stitches, growled, then gave his forehead two swift licks.

"Ow, no nipping! Yes, PQ, I know they smell funny. Yes, you nutcase, I missed you too. " He returned his attention to Lisa, "Lisa, chill out. I'm awright, really." That said he pulled away from her and shuffled toward the corral, PQ perched like a four legged parrot on his shoulder while Tezi ran dizzying circles around his feet. Lisa held her breath, fearful with each shaky step he took, sure he'd fall again and this time hurt himself more than he obviously already was. But he made it to the fence where Tate waited, snorting and bobbing his head. The pony had heard his friend's voice and had been pacing at the fence, stamping and snorting impatiently for his chance to greet Johnny.

"Hau, Tate. Waste tasunka." Johnny murmured as he nuzzled the soft muzzle thrust into his face. Like the calico, Tate too sniffed Johnny's face, then blew. Johnny laughed, "Well, I don't much like stitches either but I didn't really have much to say about it at the time." He let the pony sniff his casted hands and was relieved when after a short inspection, Tate lipped his exposed fingers. Johnny wasn't sure how the hospital smells he knew clung to him would affect his friends but they seemed more interested in him then his bandages.

The paramedic finally relaxed, enjoying the peace that always came when he was with his animal friends when suddenly Tate bumped his head into Johnny's hands and sent white hot pain through Johnny's arms. He gasped, his vision going grey and his ears roaring as his knees went weak. Not realizing he'd been the cause of Johnny's pain, Tate lipped Johnny's hair and nickered softly, clearly concerned over the emotions now radiating from his friend. At Johnny's feet, Tezi whined and pawed his knee while PQ looked at the dog and hissed, sure it must have been his fault. Johnny remained as he was, slumped over the top fence rail, trying to catch his breath, slow his racing heart and regain his posture.

Lisa watched as Johnny greeted his horse. "He really got banged up, didn't he, Sasa." A deep voice said beside her. She looked up into her father's tanned face and nodded. "He looks awful. He's so pale. He doesn't look like himself, Daddy." Lisa softly answered, her eyes back on the reunion scene. Buddy Spenser nodded as he looked toward his friend.

"Looks like Captain Jenson wasn't exaggerating when he said he'd nearly been killed." Lisa murmured as she felt her father drop a comforting arm around her sturdy shoulders.

He nodded, "I guess for once your mother's cousin's penchant for paranoia over animals paid off."

Lisa chuckled softly, "Yeah. When he called mom and told her he couldn't watch the house anymore because he was sure he'd gotten bubonic plague when that squirrel ran over his foot, I was mad at our vacation being cut short but now . . ." She watched as Johnny nuzzled his horse then said, "Yippee for Cousin George's over active imagination. Thanks to it, we came home. Mr. G needs us."

Lisa wasn't sure if the sound from her father was a grunt of agreement or the softly breathed "amen" she thought she'd heard. In the next instant it didn't matter. She took in her breath in one gasp, her body automatically starting forward as she saw Tate unwittingly push Johnny's cast hands and saw the affect the resulting pain had on the paramedic. She and her father both reached him in seconds, pulling his limp body from the rail fence where he'd collapsed.

Johnny's eyes were opened but unfocused and his face held no color to it. Sweat covered his brow and his mouth hung open. Bud looped a strong arm under Johnny's arm and across his back, supporting his weight as he commanded, "Relax boy, I got ya. Sasa take care of the animals."

"No, wait. I'm . . .I'm okay." Johnny finally managed to stutter, his eyes blinking furiously at the tears of pain that had filled them.

"I think you're far from okay, boy. You just got out of the hospital, you don't need to be out here in this yard in this heat. It'll send you right back." The former firefight scoffed. "Let's get you inside before you collapse completely."

He supported the paramedic's weight for a few more heartbeats, letting Johnny get control over his pain, then began moving him slowly toward the house. Bud felt Johnny try to pull away from him and tightened his hold.

"Relax, boot, I got ya." He grinned into the brown eyes blinking at him. Then he frowned as his arm tightened his hold more. "For God's sake, Boot, you're nothin' but skin and bones!"

"I'm not a boot," Johnny snorted, but allowed himself to be manhandled.

"You'll always be a boot to me, Boot." Bud replied as he winked at his daughter. Lisa chuckled over the familiar argument as she scooped up the paper bag, then rushed forward to make sure the door stayed open as her father lead Johnny up the steps. After they entered the house, Johnny turned toward his living room but Bud pulled him toward the back of the house saying, "Uh uh, you're for your rack, boy. I think you've had enough excitement for today." He turned again to his daughter. "And I bet you've got meds due too. Sasa, check in there for his pain meds."

Johnny groaned and rolled his eyes but didn't protest what he knew would be pointless to argue. He was hot and tired, his body starting to tremble with fatigue and he knew he wasn't the only one who noticed. Bud helped him into his bedroom and Johnny sat on the edge of his bed with a heavy sigh. Lisa appeared a heartbeat later, holding his pill bottle in one hand and a large glass of milk in the other. He took both gratefully, then placed the bottle on his nightstand. Before he could reach for them, Bud had slipped Johnny's shoes off his feet and had swung Johnny's long legs up onto the bed.

Johnny's eyes widened as his whole body shifted sideways with his legs. He grabbed at the bed then winced as his hands made contact. "Whoa! Careful there, Bud! I break easily."

Bud laughed heartily as he threw the quilt Lisa handed him over Johnny's head. "Truer words have never been spoken, boy." Johnny pulled the quilt from his head and grinned faintly at his friend. Bud crossed his arms as he smiled at him, then became serious. "You just rest, Johnny. Don't worry none about any of the animals, the girls and I will handle everything with the house and the animals."

Johnny frowned slightly as a thought occurred to him. "What are you doing home? I thought you'd be gone for at least another week?"

Lisa giggled as Bud made a scoffing noise. "We would have been but Cousin George got the Bubonic Plague." She said between giggles then laughed harder as the paramedic's eyes went wide.

"No, not really, Johnny. That idiot apparently fell asleep in the lawn chair in the backyard and woke up when a squirrel ran over his bare foot. Now he's sure he has some obscure illness and has checked himself into the hospital for a whole barrage of tests." Bud told his friend.

Johnny nodded. He gave his former shiftmate a faint smile as he settled his back against his headrest. "Sorry to hear that," Johnny said, "About George and your vacation."

Bud shrugged, "When Mary asked him to watch the house, I warned her so we were kinda expecting something like this to happen." He looked closer at the other figure and frowned, "You don't look to good to me. You sure the docs knew what they were doin' when they let you go?" Then he laughed and said, "Or did you sneak outta the hospital?"

Johnny blushed and rearranged the quilt over his legs. "I was released." He protested, but kept his eyes downward. He felt a little guilty as he said it, knowing that these people only had his best interests at heart. '_But then I can say the same about Brackett and Gretchen and all the rest there at Rampart. I just needed to get out of there_.'

Johnny gave a sigh and the engineer noticed the younger man's eyes were getting glassy and his lids droopy. Bud knew the combination of excitement of the day and the pain meds were starting to affect the paramedic. He tapped Johnny's shoulder gently and said, "I'm gonna go finish what I was doing. You need anything, you call, Boot. Understood?"

Johnny nodded. Father and daughter exchanged wordless communications then Bud left. Lisa looked at her friend. Sweat had dampened his hair along his neck and forehead but his face held a little more color then it had in the yard. "Mr. G, I put the rest of your stuff in the laundry room and your medicines are on the kitchen table. I'll rinse out your glass and fill it with water and leave it here." That said, she did just that, returning to the room to find the paramedic nearly asleep. She placed the glass on the tray on the nightstand and turned to go when a soft voice stopped her.

"Mr. G?"

She turned and smiled at the bleary eyes looking at her. She shrugged, "I know you said to call you Johnny." He nodded and she continued, "But I just couldn't. I guess all that talk of giving people respect by my professors really got to me. I struggled half the way to Mexico with that and finally decided on 'Mr. G.'" She shuffled her feet and looked hesitantly. "It . . .it's alright, isn't it?"

Johnny felt a warm glow in his chest at her words about respect and he gave her a genuine smile, the first he'd smiled in nearly two weeks. "Yes, honey, it's awright with me. Thank you." Her smile lit the room. She practically skipped over to the window and pulled the shade. "You take a nap now and don't worry about anything. Dad and I will be back this evening to check on you and put up the animals." She turned back around in time to see the weary paramedic's head roll to the side, his eyes closed. She watched for a few moments, making sure he was just sleeping soundly, then walked out the door.

A noise echoed through the still house and penetrated Johnny's consciousness. He opened heavy lids and looked around, trying to orientate himself. Light streamed through the cracked shades onto his bed. PQ was curled up tight against him and meowed her protest at his movement before sounding her purr. He was home, in his own bed, and he was stiff. Carefully, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and slowly pulled himself to his feet. Once he was sure he wouldn't fall, he made his way to his bathroom to take care of business then shuffled toward the main part of the house.

He had just reached the kitchen when a figure rounded the corner and stopped in front of him with a startled, "OH!"

Johnny looked at the petite brown eyed girl before him and smiled, "Hi June. Did you come looking for you sister and father?"

June Spenser frowned, "My father? Here? Now?" She questioned.

Johnny nodded, "Yeah. He and Lisa are here."

June's frown deepened. She opened her mouth to say something but at that moment, another figure entered from the side door. Lisa looked at the dark haired man then glared at her sister. "June! I told you to be careful and not wake Mr. G."

June's eyes immediately filled with tears but before she could protest her innocence, Johnny answered. "She didn't wake me, uh, another more urgent reason did." Both girls blushed and Johnny continued, "I thought you guys were going home? What happened? Something with the horses?"

Lisa looked confused, "Horses? No, Mr. G. They're fine. I just finished giving them their breakfast and letting them out into the pasture."

Now it was Johnny's turn to be confused, "Breakfast? This late?"

Lisa's eyebrows drew downward then shot up into her hair line. "No, Mr. G. This is Thursday. You've been asleep all night. Dad checked on you a couple of times yesterday but he said each time you were 'out like a light'"

Johnny glanced at the clock on his kitchen wall, saw it read 8:00 and gave a soft, "Oh." as he realized he'd been sleep for nearly eighteen hours. Lisa became all business as she gently took the man's elbow and lead him into the living room. She guided him to the couch and told him. "I bet you're hungry. Mom sent over some things for you. Wait right here and June and I will get them."

She disappeared into the kitchen as June made her way toward him, a cup of fresh coffee in her hand. "Mom sent over a thermos full." she explained. "We didn't know when you'd get up but she was afraid you'd have trouble making coffee with your hands all . . ." Her gaze fixed on the casted appendages then shied away as she carefully put the steaming cup on the tray she'd placed beside him. "Anyway, Mom says firemen don't have blood in their veins but coffee and Dad told her if that was the case you looked about a gallon low, so here."

"Thanks. And your mom is right." Johnny acknowledged as he reached with equal care for the cup. He sipped the brew and smiled faintly. Mary Spenser knew how to make coffee.

"Here's some scones. Mom baked them this morning and she sent over some of her raspberry jam too." Lisa put the plate down on the tray and stepped back. Johnny took one of the scones, feeling the softness of it and noticed it had already been slathered in butter and jam. He ate with great appreciation.

The two girls had left, going back to their own chores and letting the healing man have his breakfast in peace. Before long, Johnny had finished the delightful repast and sat sipping the final swallows of coffee.

Lisa reappeared with the thermos and refilled his cup while June took his plate with a smile. "Good, huh." She said, her eyes twinkling. "Mom makes the best scones."

Johnny nodded his head in agreement, "And her jams aren't too shabby either." June disappeared into the kitchen and Johnny heard water running. He turned to Lisa. "Lisa could you get me . . . "

"Right here, Mr. G." she interrupted as she moved the bag with his meds and his bandage supplies closer to him. He pulled out the meds first and took what he needed then laid the supplies out on the cleaned tray. Lisa looked at him, then the supplies laid out then back into his face. "Mr. G. I can help you." She said softly. Johnny sighed, wanting to protest that he was more than capable of changing dressings but knew that he was hampered by his lack of working hands. He consented and talked the girl through the process. Once they were done he praised her, watching a blush start at her neck and creep upward until her whole face reddened.

"No, really Lisa. You have a very gentle touch. That's very important whether the patient is human or animal." He told her. "I know you'll make a great vet someday."

The blushing girl cleaned the area again then she and her sister told the paramedic good-bye, promising to be by later on to check on him.

Once they were gone, Johnny settled back on his couch and soon was once more sound asleep. The girls woke him around noon with a meal sent over by their mother but left as Johnny began to eat. He finished the soup and sandwiches and settled once more on the couch. He shivered and pulled the quilt on the back over him thinking '_Must be a storm coming. I'm feeling a little chilled._'

Johnny spent the remainder of the day dozing, alternating between feeling chilled only to toss all the covers off himself in his sleep while he sweated. When he next was aware, the house was as dark as the night beyond the windows. Johnny woke with the side of his face sore. '_Must have slept wrong'_ he thought as he tugged on his ear, yelping in surprise at the pain that action caused. Again he felt chilled and wrapped the quilt tighter around his shaking body. He drained the glass of juice someone had left for him, but it didn't seem to do anything for his parched throat. He stood up to get more, swaying briefly on his feet then shuffled to the refrigerator. He poured more juice and sipped at it.

As he made his way back toward the couch, he realized his eyes were stinging. He sat back down with a sigh, pulling another quilt around himself. Suddenly Johnny's eyes opened wide as the bits and pieces came together in his foggy brain. '_Ahhh no. no, no,"_ he groaned as he made his way as quickly as he could toward his bathroom.

'_Eyes hurt, chills followed by sweats, parched throat_.' he thought as he pulled out the thermometer and placed it under his tongue. In three short minutes he had his confirmation and gave a heavy sigh. '_Yeap. About 101.4'_ He made his way back to his bed with a heavy heart. '_Well, I promised. Guess I'll call in the morning if it's still elevated.'_ He tried to kid himself then shook his head with a rueful chuckle '_Who you trying to fool, Gage. You know damn well it will still be up in the morning, AND you'll have to go in AND Brackett will give you the 'I warned you, Johnny' lecture'_

He groaned loudly as he flopped back on his bed. "Not to mention what Dixie will say. God, I didn't even _**see**_ her before I left." He rolled over, pulling more covers over his shaking body. "Maybe I'll die in my sleep before Dixie kills me." he muttered mournfully as he closed his eyes and let sleep pull him under.


	20. Chapter 20

Roy felt the warmth of the sun on his face about the same time he heard the delighted sounds of his children playing. He smiled to himself, relaxing in the comfortable glow of the sounds of normalcy in his house. '_Ah what a wonderful way to wake up, the smell of Jo cooking breakfast, Jenny singing, Chris playing basketball in the drive. That sun feels great; bet its gonna be another warm day. I really should work on that back fence before it gets too hot this summer. Jo said the neighbor's dog has been coming into our yard and digging up her garden. I got all the supplies in the shed, I wonder what Johnny's doing. I think I'll give him a call; see if he'd be willing to come over and help out_.'

But with that thought, Roy went from half-asleep to fully awake—and sadly, fully aware of all that had transpired over the last three weeks. Again a deep sadness coupled with guilt filled him. Roy opened his eyes and sighed heavily as he sat up. He couldn't ask his friend over to help with chores around the house like he had for the last three years. His friend was lying in a hospital bed, possibly injured for life and he—Roy—was partly responsible. '_Besides, I doubt he even would consider me a friend after the way I've treated him for these last weeks. And I can't blame him._'

With that depressing thought, Roy got up, dressed and went downstairs to face his day. His wife looked up as he entered the kitchen and gave a tentative smile. Although yesterday her husband had at least seemed more like the 'old Roy' rather than the often cruel dictator who'd worn his face for the last three weeks, Jo had noticed he remained quiet—almost subdued. To say that these odd personality shifts had worried her was an understatement so she resolved to watch and wait, giving him all she could when she could. She sighed for the hundredth time over the last week as she thought, '_I wish we could get ahold of Johnny. I know he could help Roy get through whatever it is he's going through._'

She looked toward the phone, tempted to dial that number again, just to see if he'd finally answer. The temptation immediately left when shrill voices arose from behind her.

"Moooommmmmmy, I'm huuungreeeey," Jenny sing-songed as she skipped around the kitchen. Chris dashed in, his face still red from his playing. "Mom! Breakfast ready yet? Mr. Koffman will be here any time!"

Jo placed a cup of coffee before her husband as she answered, "Yes, breakfast is ready. Both of you go wash your hands then sit down."

Chris made a face, "But Mom!" He protested, "Jason said . . ."

"Mr. Koffman will be picking you up at 9:30, Chris. It's only 8 right now. There's plenty of time as long as you get your hands washed and stop arguing." Jo admonished her son. Chris quickly ran off.

Roy looked at his wife, confusion on his face, "Where's Chris going?"

Jo finished transferring the scrambled eggs as she answered, "Chris and Jason are going to be spending the day together. Joe Koffman is picking Chris up then taking both the boys with him to that new sports store that just opened. Then tomorrow, on Friday, all the boys from the troop are getting together to make sure they have everything ready for camp. They'll all spend the night together at the church before they leave for the camp on Saturday." She looked askew at her husband. "Remember? You knew all of this, I heard you discuss it with Bob Schultz just a few days ago."

Roy gave a faint nod as his wife's explanation sounded somewhat familiar. A small part of him couldn't help but be grateful he wouldn't be facing Bob Schultz himself. Seeing the man and hearing his gratitude again only made Roy feel all that more guilty over the words he'd said to Johnny. '_Bob showers me with praise for doing the same thing for Andy that Johnny did for Jenny._' he thought gloomily. "_and how do __**I**__ repay my partner? I use him as my personal whipping boy for the next three weeks_.'

He watched as his wife placed breakfast before each of them before sitting down herself. He picked half-heartedly at his food, trying to eat enough not to arose his wife's suspicions, unaware she'd been watching him closely even while eating her own meal and monitoring the children's.

"Roy. Roy!" His wife's voice finally shook him out of his deep thoughts and he raised his head to face her. "Yes?"

She nodded toward his cup, the coffee pot in her hand. "I asked if you want more coffee."

He looked at his half emptied cup and nodded, keeping his eyes on the dark stream as she refilled the cup. Unbidden the thought came that the color of the pouring coffee was the same shade as his partner's eyes. He blinked, stopping those thoughts even as they came. He heard his wife's heavy sigh before her voice came again. "Roy, you want to tell me what's going on?"

Roy stabbed at his remaining eggs as he hissed, "Jo, not in front of . . ."

"In front of who, Roy." She interrupted him.

He looked up at the aggravated tone in her voice and noticed they were alone at the table. He glanced at the empty and cleaned places in confusion. Hadn't they both just been there? Jenny singing a song between bites of her toast? Chris apologizing to his mother for stuffing his mouth too full?

He looked up into his wife's face and saw the concern in her eyes. She placed the coffee pot back on the cabinet and sat next to him, her hand placed lightly on his arm. "Roy," she began, her voice gentle. "Talk to me. Tell me what's going on."

He looked into the green eyes of the woman he loved and felt his heart constrict. '_God, I love her. And I need her. Maybe, maybe I should tell her. Maybe she can help me make sense of all this_.' He opened his mouth to speak just as the phone rang. She patted him on the arm and smiled as she rose, "Hold that thought," she told him as she reached for the receiver.

"Hello. Oh, hello Marc. Yes, he's right here." For just a second, Roy felt like telling his wife to hang up but then he stopped himself. She held the phone out toward him as she said unnecessarily, "Roy, it's Marc Kent."

Roy took the phone and placed it to his ear. "Hello?"

"Roy Buddy! Are you busy?" came the voice on the other side.

"Uh, no. Not right now. Just finishing up breakfast."

"OK. Listen, buddy, I need a big favor. My truck's been running a little rough and I decided to change the sparkplugs and oil and well," he gave a chuckle, "I guess I got in a little over my head. Do you think you could come over and give me a hand out?"

Roy took a deep breath, once more he felt divided. Part of him wanted to refuse but the other part didn't want the conversation with his wife to continue. He knew that if he stayed, it certainly would so he heard himself saying, "Sure, just let me get on some old clothes and get my tools together and I'll be over."

"Thanks, Buddy," Kent's voice sounded relieved. "You probably just saved me a very expensive trip to the mechanics. I knew I could count on you. See you when you get here." And he hung up.

Roy replaced the receiver then glanced at his wife where she sat at the table sipping her coffee. "That was Marc."

"I know."

"He . . .uh . . . wants me to come over and help him."

"I gathered that," she said as she nodded. Roy sat back down and took up his cup. He stared into the dark liquid before he said, "He's . . . uh . . . trying to change the oil and plugs and thinks he's over his head." He shrugged slightly and gave a nervous laugh as he added, "He certainly isn't very mechanically inclined."

"And he seems to get in over his head an awful lot." Jo muttered.

Roy blinked at her. "What do you mean by that?"

Jo made a scoffing noise. "Oh come on Roy; think. In the last two weeks, you've changed the brakes on both Tammy's car and his truck, you've changed out the battery in both vehicles and you changed the oil on Tammy's car just last break. If I didn't know better, I'd think he's using you AS his mechanic and not giving you a thing in return."

"John and I do that all the time and you never said anything about it," The words just tumbled out of Roy's mouth and he colored briefly at them. '_Why is it when I'm trying so hard not to think about him, all I do is think about him?_' he groaned inwardly.

Roy didn't reply any further to his wife's complaint, found he couldn't say anything as the same suspicion had crossed his mind. Jo drank from her cup then sat it on the table with a sigh, "Marc's certainly not anything like Johnny is."

'_The same thing Mike said_,' came that aggravating voice in his head again. Roy's blood ran cold as he stammered out, "Wha . . .what do you mean by that?"

JoAnne gave a one shoulder shrug, "Just an observation. When Johnny comes over to help you around here, it's just that. He _**helps you**__. _You don't expect him to do it all like Marc seems to expect you to when he asks for your 'help'." She waved her hand around her as she continued, "Johnny's helped you paint the house, redo the gutters, work on both cars and repaired just about every piece of wood around here _**and**_ he does it all cheerfully and without asking a thing in return." She paused, her head tilted in thought then she laughed as she added, "Ok, maybe he does eat his weight in groceries when he's over here, but he never asks to stay, you or I always insist he stays and eats."

His wife's words added leaded weights to the knot of guilt already in his belly over his recent treatment of his friend. He finished his coffee and muttered, "I'd better go change," as he stood and left the kitchen. Jo continued drinking her coffee as she watched her husband head toward their bedroom. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily, '_We miss you Johnny_," she thought. '_What happened anyway_?'

Soon Roy was pulling up into the Kent's driveway and spotted Marc's truck already set up in the garage. Marc was standing near it and came over to Roy as he got out of the car. "Hey! There you are! I was beginning to get worried you'd backed out on me."

Roy frowned and glanced at his watch as he walked to the opposite side of his car to remove his tools. "It's only been a hour since you called, Marc." Roy said curtly. Marc blinked at his tone and muttered, "Oh. Well. I guess it just seemed longer. On this side, you know."

Roy nodded as he walked toward the truck. "Show me what you got."

Marc willingly ran around the front as he pointed to the selection of new parts laid neatly by the roll-around. "Well there's the plugs and new distributor cap and the new oil filter and oil."

Roy could plainly see that and glared over at Marc, unable to keep the aggravation off his face. "I can see that and I know what car parts look like, Kent. I wanted to know what you've already tried to do."

Marc frowned as he took a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh. He gave a high pitched chuckle as he scratched the back of his neck. "I . . . I kinda . . .uh. I mean . . ."

Roy just nodded, now knowing that Kent hadn't done anything but call him. He put the tools down, laid his body down on the roll-around and angled himself under the car as he told the other man, "Get me a pan or something for the used oil."

Kent did as told and Roy positioned it under the oil pan, removed the oil pan then removed the plug. He watched as the dark liquid began to drain into the pan then carefully backed out. Once out, he stood, pulled the wires off the plugs, grabbed a ratchet, attached the proper socket and began removing the plugs, inspecting each as he laid it aside.

Kent watched him, silent for several moments then began talking. Roy sighed to himself, finding the other man's chatter grating on his already abused nerves. Again that voice started in his head, '_Johnny chatters all the time and it doesn't bother you like this_' Roy acknowledge that as he thought, '_Yeah, but when John chatters while we are working on something, it's . . .it's different . . . somehow'_ He allowed himself to dwell on that a moment and realized suddenly how it was different. '_It's different because we're friends . . . and we're having fun just being together. God. I've missed that_.'

Roy was pulled back to the present as he heard his partner's name being said. Roy looked up at Marc, "What?"

Marc looked up and gave him a puzzled look. "I said, I heard Gage is pretty handy around cars and things."

Roy turned his attention to the distributor cap which he'd just removed, "Yeah. Yeah he is. You've got a lot of scoring under here, Marc. We might want to take a look at adjusting your timing."

Kent grinned, "Hey! Good! If you can fix that, that should change it's fuel consumption right?"

Roy shrugged, "well, it might change your miles per gallon."

Kent nodded and continued. "I heard Gage rebuilt the engine on his truck a couple of times." He watched as Roy nodded in agreement. "Well, that's good he has something to fall back on then."

Roy glanced up quickly, confusion plain on his face. Kent grinned big at him, "You know. Like another job skill." At Roy's continued stare, he elaborated, "You know. As a mechanic. Garages are always looking for good workers and I have to give the kid that, he's a hard worker. And fixing cars won't require as much manual dexterity as some things on our job does. So if he ends up with his hand crippled he'll have another skill he can use."

Kent didn't seem to notice how stiff Roy had gotten as while he casually leaned across the hood. He continued blithely on. "Manual labor suits him better anyway. Those people are good at stuff like that, as long as they stay away from the drink. But then I haven't seen much evidence of Gage being a drinker."

He looked at Roy, "You've been around him a lot longer, is Gage a drinker?"

Roy felt numb as he heard himself answer, "No. Not really. He'll have a few beers but that's all."

Kent nodded, "Ah. That's good. Tammy was worried about that. I guess she saw him drinking at the picnic." Roy thought back to the picnic, recalled only seeing his partner with one beer in the short time he'd actually been there. The insinuation that John had a drinking problem just because he was Indian set Roy's teeth and he clenched his jaw in reaction.

In an effort to change the direction of the conversation he told Kent, "These plugs don't look that bad. I think they just need adjusted. Hand me that gap gauge. No, the round thing, yeah, that."

Kent handed him the required item and waved his hand over the other plugs. "What'll I do with these?"

'_I have a suggestion on what you can do with them_,' Roy unkindly thought but answered instead with a shrug and, "If you saved the receipt take them back. If not, put them away to use later." That said, he busied himself with the car, ignoring much of what Kent was saying until once more the words penetrated his awareness.

"What did you say about Dr. Brackett?" Roy's voice came out from under the hood as he paused to hear the response.

Kent leaned in closer, the aggravation plain in his voice as he repeated, "I said he called me yesterday and had me come in for a meeting."

Curious now, Roy pulled his head out and looked at the other man, "Oh? What about?"

Kent grimaced, "The Department must have said something to the hospital about this . . . this mess over Gage's injuries. Can you believe it? Brackett called me into his office and told me I have to take another test before he'll clear me to work anymore. He called it an "Equivalency Exam" and claimed it would tell him if the stuff I passed in the exam in San Diego was in line with the stuff taught here. He made some excuse about it being the first time they'd ever had someone trying to transfer in from another department's curriculum. He said he needed to verify that both efficiency requirements were the same. He apologized, saying it should have been done before I was stationed with you and 'claims' it was just a mistake in the fire department that the hospital wasn't notified at the same time. Is that a load or what!? Both you and I know that guys transfer in and out of the department from all over California with no hassle."

Roy frowned, "Well, that's true, Marc, but not as paramedics, just as firefighters."

Kent's snort cut him short, "Oh come off it. That's a load of BS and you know it. I see it for what it really is. Gage, their little golden child minority, screwed up big time and got himself hurt and now they're trying to cover their asses by using me as a scapegoat. But we know the truth, don't we buddy? Their little reservation poster boy is going down and it's not my fault. I refuse to be the fall guy for him!"

Roy sighed, "Marc, really, I see no problem with the test. Really. If you're worried, I'll help you study and . . ."

Again Kent cut him off, "NO! Don't you get it?! I'm not taking their little test! I could get every answer correct and they'll still blame this on me. It's the principle of the thing here. They want me to fail so there is no way they'll let me succeed."

Roy leaned back under the hood using it to cover the look of annoyance he knew was on his face. "Kent, I really doubt that. Brackett is a fair man but he does take the qualifications of the paramedics he works with very seriously. We all have to attend regular update seminars and recert every five years. If we've been injured and been out of work we have to take evals to make sure we are back 100% before he'll sign us off to get back in the field. It only makes sense that since this is the first time someone already certed came into the program that he'd want to make sure things are equal. It's really in the best interest of everyone involved, from the hospital staff to the fire department and especially to the victims."

Roy chuckled as he fitted a readjusted plug back into its hole and ratcheted it down. "You should've been here when the program started. Brackett wasn't keen on it at all and he and John knocked heads several times in those early days."

Kent made a noise of disbelief, "Yeah sure. That might be so. But I still think that they're trying to fix the blame over Gages' mess ups on me. And you're just too nice to see he's been messing up repeatedly since I got here."

"John messed up?" Roy repeated his words with a frown, "When? How?"

Marc gave a forced chuckle and put his arm over Roy's shoulder. "Roy, you're a great guy and a top notch paramedic. But you have one fault . . .,"

Roy looked up, his expression a mixture of curiousity and wariness. Marc laughed harder, then his face got serious as he patted Roy solicitously on the shoulder. "You're just too trusting, too . . . too naive. You see only the best in people and expect the same from them. And I think in Gage's situation, that has been a handicap for you."

Roy blinked, confused.

Marc continued, "Now don't get me wrong. Gage is a nice enough kid, a little solemn and withdrawn maybe, but ok. He works hard, and he's a decent firefighter But I believe he tries to do things maybe a little beyond himself sometimes, and that's when he messes up."

Emotions boiled up in Roy as he straightened up out from under the hood, anger at what this . . . this person was insinuating about John Gage, resentment over being told he—Roy—was gullible and dread at what more Kent might say.

"I think you're wrong, Kent, dead wrong." Roy kept his voice even and strong although everything in him at that moment wanted to knock the other man's teeth down his throat. "John Gage is a top notch paramedic, one of the first and best trained out of Rampart. He has been serving the people of LA county with those abilities in a more than satisfactory manner for the last three years. I should know; I've been right there by his side for the majority of that time. If he'd been such a 'screw-up' as you have said, it would have showed before now and I or Brackett or Early or someone else would have seen it and called him on it."

Marc shook his head and clicked his tongue as he laid his arm over Roy's shoulders and gently squeezed his neck. "Roy, Roy Roy," he sighed, "Now, calm down. Don't get so upset. See what I mean? You are a good man and a great paramedic but . . ." he shook his head sadly, "but I think you've been looking through the rosy glasses so to speak when it comes to Gage. Maybe I can see it better because I came in here fresh, not knowing anyone before I came and so am unaffected by the obvious bias."

Marc clicked his tongue again, "I really think you've been covering up his mistakes all along, or catching them and correcting them before anyone else noticed, totally unconsciously of course." He corrected quickly at the look Roy gave him. "I don't think you've really been aware of what you were doing when you'd do it but," he sighed heavily and shrugged his shoulders as he held his hands out to other side of his body, "Subconsciously, you know I'm right. I've watched you: I've seen you do it. I've watched how you are out on a run with him and I have to tell you, man . . ." here he looked Roy straight in the eye, his voice and face totally serious, "your actions speak louder that any protest you make now."

Roy felt a cold chill run down his spine. He swallowed several times before he managed to get his voice to work. "What do you mean?"

Marc continued to hold his gaze as he nodded, "It's like this, Roy. I understand loyalty to the department and all but I'm not going to be the fall guy for Gage. It's bad enough Stanley seems blind to his faults. I need you to remember, buddy, and back me up here."

Roy felt his face flush as an uncharacteristic wave of anger flooded him. With teeth clenched he demanded, "What are you talking about?"

Kent raised his hands in a soothing gesture, "Chill buddy, I'll tell you. On most of the calls, you automatically take over the care of the most severely injured and have him care for the less injured, _**if**_ you even allow him to get close to the victims at all. And each time you did, you always made sure someone from the engine company was right there with him, ready to get you if needed when Gage got in above his abilities."

Roy didn't move or react in any manner as Kent went on, "You obviously know he has trouble driving the squad to emergencies since you never let him do that. I really think you have him drive it to Rampart afterwards only because there's no one else to do it and you know you have to ride in the ambulance with the victims. But each time he did drive it in, you monitored him on where he was and how long it took him to get there. You never trust him enough to check over the supplies with us in the mornings or do the calibrations for the instruments, and surely you remember the time he couldn't get that IV started in that really obese drunk we had two shifts ago. He tried twice and you finally had to take over. See? I have been watching and I've seen it."

Roy's ears filled with a rushing sound and his vision blurred as he staggered unsteadily. "My God . . ." the whispered words slipped from his lips as the words Kent had just said sank deep into his consciousness.

Unaware of the true feelings in the other paramedic but aware of the stagger in Roy's stance, Kent grabbed his elbow, supporting him as he snagged a lawn chair with his foot and drug it closer. He guided the stunned man into it and gently patted Roy's shoulder as he told him softly, "I know. I know this is a lot to absorb but it's all true. I'm just sorry I'm the one who had to finally point it out to you, buddy. But face it, it's for your own good that you face this."

"My God," Roy said again. "What have I done?"

Marc frowned, "Uh, listen. You just sit here a moment and rest, ok? It's pretty hot out here and we've been working on this awhile. I think it's time for a break. How 'bout something cold to drink?"

Roy struggled to direct his attention on what the man was telling him and finally managed to nod his head. "A drink would be . . . would be good."

Kent nodded, gave him a last pat and hurried off. Roy leaned back into the chair, closed his eyes and gave voice to a groan which felt like it came from his very soul. Kent was right; that was exactly the way he'd been treating his partner over the last two weeks.

Now, looking back Roy could see the bewildered looks John — as well as the engine crew—had given him in the beginning, when Roy had pushed John aside to take over all care of the victims himself. He could see those looks change over the next shifts to quick glances of brown eyes filled with pain and finally nothing, no more emotion or expression at all. He heard all the hurtful things he'd said, gauged to injure the dark haired medic, the things he and Kent had laughed at, at the younger man's expense. It made him feel sick.

'_He'll never forgive me. Hell, I'm not sure I can ever forgive myself_.' Guilt weighed heavily on him. How could he face him, face any of them, ever again? "Maybe I should request a transfer before the next shift." he told himself as he bent over, elbows on his knees, his head in his hands, uncaring over the grease being transferred from his hands to his cheeks. '_God, John. I am so so sorry_.'

Kent soon returned with a large glass of fresh lemonade and Roy drank deeply from it. Then silently he turned back to the car, intent on getting the remainder of the work done and getting out of there. Kent seemed oblivious of Roy's change of attitude and his mere grunts and one word comments as the other paramedic once again began the endless chatter Roy had come to hate. Before long, the car was finished, test driven and without any more words, Roy placed his tools into his car and left.

By the time he'd reached his house, it was afternoon. A note on the table told him some lunch was prepared and waiting in the fridge and his wife and daughter were out running errands. He showered, washing all the grease from his body and changed into fresh clothing then wandered aimlessly around the house for several minutes, finally ending up in his den. He stared at the painting hanging over his desk. '_That is one ugly painting; I really really hate that painting . . ._' he mused then turned to his desk, digging suddenly in a file way in the back of the bottom drawer. When he finally found what he wanted, Roy drew it forth with a slightly trembling hands. He sank wearily into his chair as he stared at the framed photo he'd found. In it he stood side by side with his partner, in uniform, their arms over each other's shoulders, silly grins on both their faces.

Roy had no idea how long he'd sat there, staring at the photo before the phone ringing broke into his thoughts. He grabbed it up and placed the receiver to his ear with a flat, "Hello."

As the caller gave him their message, he sat up straighter in his chair. "Yeah? Is he alright? Oh. Ok. Yeah, sure. I can come in. I'll be there in . . ." he looked at his watch, "say 45 minutes. Ok. Bye Chief."

Roy left the room and heard his garage door open as he entered the kitchen. Jenny burst forth, holding a package in her hand. "Daddy! Mommy let me get that new dress for my Barbie! Wanna see it on her?"

He smiled down at his daughter and ruffled her hair, "Not right now, angel. You go on and play, Daddy needs to talk to Mommy for a minute."

Jo looked at him as he took the grocery bag from her and place it on the kitchen table. "Roy?"

"Any more out there?" he asked.

She shook her head, "Roy? What's wrong?" Something about her husband was different, something had happened while they had been separated.

Seeing the rising panic in his wife's mannerisms he smiled and shook his head. "Relax. I just got a call from headquarters. They need someone to come in and cover the last half of c- shift for Dwyer."

Jo frowned, "He's not badly hurt, is he?"

Roy shook his head, "No. It didn't sound like it anyway. Chief said he fell off a ladder and they think he might have broken his ankle. He's over at Rampart getting x-rayed now."

Jo relaxed, "Well, maybe it'll just be sprained not broken. Poor Tom. You'll let me know, right?"

"Right. I'm gonna swing by the cleaners and get my uniforms then head on over to the station." He smiled and kissed his wife. "See you in a couple days."

"Bye, honey. Be careful." She kissed him back and pulled him into a brief hug. "And tomorrow make sure you tell that skinny partner of yours I expect him here for breakfast when you guys get off Saturday morning."

Roy flinched but nodded his head as he grabbed his car keys. "Come give Daddy a hug, Jenny. He has to go to work."

Jenny ran out of the room and into his arm, "You gotta go in now, Daddy? Someone get hurt?"

Roy pulled her up into a hug, "Yes but he'll be ok. The doctors at Rampart are taking care of him right now."

Jenny gave her father a loud smacking kiss on his left cheek, then repeated it on his right. "That one's for Uncle Johnny. Bye Daddy!" Then she scampered off once more. Roy touched his right cheek, his expressions unreadable to his wife. She touched his arm and he looked her way. She smiled, "I don't think you really have to kiss Johnny." She teased, "Just let him know what Jenny said."

Roy nodded, his expression still unreadable as he left the house. By the time he pulled into the station, changed clothes and made his way into the dayroom both vehicles were in the bay and the smell of dinner filled the air. He looked at his watch, startled to find it read six o'clock. '_Where has the day gone_?'


	21. Chapter 21

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Well here are some more answers to questions. And poor Roy is taking more poundings but we have to get the fellow geared up for the job ahead of him, right? Once he gets his head from...you know... he has to be brought up to speed, so to speak, in order to do what's right by a certain dark haired medic. Sorry. Very little Johnny in here, as said, this is Roy discipline time.

As always, thanks for the feedback and keep it coming, it helps make the writing easier!

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Dixie stood impatiently in front of the elevator, glad this Thursday workday was finally over for her. Even the fact she'd had the previous day off didn't seem to help with how busy she'd been today. It had been a rough shift with a seemingly never ending parade of injured brought in by ambulance or personal vehicle. And having several nurses and Aids call in sick only made matters worse.

There hadn't been time for any real sort of break. While calling the various departments for supplies or available beds, she'd managed to gulp down a sandwich in separated segments; the coffee she been able to drink had all been long cold. She'd tried several times to call Gretchen to see how Johnny was, but each time someone needed her for something else. Now, finally, with the long shift ended and her relief in her place at the desk, Dixie was headed to SICU in person.

At last the elevator dinged and the doors opened. She moved forward to find her way blocked by another nurse. Both automatically started an apology even before they recognized each other. Dixie gave a tired smile, "Gretch! I was just on my way up. All h—e—double toothpicks broke lose down here and I . . ."

"You look like it yourself." Gretchen interrupted her. She eyed her friend closely then took her elbow, pulling her toward the cafeteria. "Come on Army, you look like a body in serious need of some joe and I don't mean the doctor."

Dixie frowned and pulled back, "Thanks for the offer but I was on my way . . ."

"I know where you were headed and why, Army." Gretchen interrupted again, then shook her head with a sigh. "But he's not up there."

Dixie froze, sure her heart had just fallen through her feet. Part of her assured her mental self that was a medical impossibility but another part was sure that was exactly what she'd just felt happen.

"wha…wha …" She stuttered as she shook her head, "Not Johnny. He's…he's not…"

"He's alive, somewhere, I guess." Gretchen grimaced, "At least he was yesterday when I put him into a cab. I guess that's still the case if he hasn't been brought into the ER today."

Dixie felt her heart rise back into her chest and begin beating again. Before the emotions now raging through her could be placed into words, Gretchen continued, "He checked himself out AMA."

"HE DID WHAT!?!"

Both nurses looked around as everyone near them stopped what they were doing and stared. Both Head Nurses evenly met those gazes with stern ones of their own and quickly all eyes diverted elsewhere. Now Dixie grabbed Gretchen's arm as she strode toward the cafeteria. "Yes, Gretchen. I would love a cup of coffee." She ground out, "And I'm looking forward to this story as well."

Gretchen smiled secretly, knowing her friend was boiling under that in-control surface.

Several cups of coffee, a fair meal of some sort of hamburger casserole and a shared piece of cheesecake later, Dixie sighed and rubbed her tired eyes. "Thanks for the food and the skinny, Gretch. Part of me wants to rant and say I can't believe that he'd do such a foolish thing but . . ." She leaned forward again and fiddled with her half empty cup, "the other part would say that that was just like something Johnny would do. I know he hates hospitals and he hates feeling helpless and having to depend on someone else even more."

The ER nurse shook her head as she gave a heavy sigh, "That boy has only had himself to depend on for too long. I thought that now, since he's been at 51's and seemed to fit so well there that maybe, finally, he'd learn to depend on others." She sighed again. "I guess not." A thought hit her and she raised her head, "Do they know? His shiftmates and his captain, Hank Stanley? Do they know?"

Gretchen shrugged as she looked into her own cup. "I don't know. No one called SICU while I was there yesterday or today. I don't know if Kel called them once Johnny was released or not." She sat back in her chair and stretched out her aching legs. "I heard they got pretty busy in ER that evening, so he might not have gotten the chance."

Dixie nodded, "Same with today. We barely had enough time to breathe let alone sit for awhile." She glanced at her watch, "Damn, too late to ask Kel now. He said he had to be out of here by 4:30. Something about his car, I think. I can try to ask him tomorrow . . ."

"Doesn't he have to be in that budget meeting most of then?" Gretchen asked with raised eyebrows. Dixie let her weary head thunk down on her hands, her elbows on the table. "Thanks for reminding me," she said morosely. "If tomorrow is anything like today, _**I**_ might end up in ICU."

Gretchen chuckled then stated, "Don't borrow ill luck, Dix."

Dixie took another swallow of her coffee then shook her head, "I'm not. It's just tomorrow is Friday; Joe Early is off for the day, Kel will be in and out of meetings and half my nursing staff will still be out sick."

Gretchen winced in sympathy. Make-up like that just lent itself to a busy shift. Both women sighed and became quiet. After several moments, Dixie drained the last of her coffee and stood up. "Well, thanks for the news and the company. It was appreciated."

Gretchen smiled as she too stood, "Any time, Army." Both women walked back down the hall but Dixie stopped at a junction and looked in the direction of the ER. "I think I'll make a few phone calls before I leave." She mused.

Gretchen smiled big at her, then her expression turned serious, "Give him what help you can, Dix." She shook her head sadly, her eyes troubled, "That is one unhappy boy." Dix nodded her head in agreement and walked off.

She smiled at Betty who looked up at her in surprise, then looked at the clock on the wall. "Dixie! What are you still doing here? I thought you left hours ago!"

Dixie gave her a tired smile. "I stopped in the cafeteria and had supper; I'm too tired to cook or get something on the way home."

Betty nodded knowingly then looked up as a doctor came from a treatment room and motioned to her. Dixie nodded, "You go. I just want to make a few phone calls then I'm home to my bed." Betty hurried away and Dixie pulled the rolodex toward her. It wasn't long before she found the file she'd made marked, 'Gage, John' and listed his home phone as well as the home numbers of his captain and partner. She dialed the number for Johnny's ranch, waited on the line as it rang busy, then disconnected. She gave up and called the next number.

The phone rang twice then a young voice said, "Stanley residence."

"HI, this is Dixie McCall from Rampart Emergency?" She heard the gasp on the other end and quickly continued, "No it's not like that. This isn't an emergency but it is very important. Is your father there?"

"Boy, you scared me for a minute!" The female voice said, then went on, "No, he and Mom are out right now. I can take a message."

"Please. Tell him it's important I talk to him. He can call me at home, that number is 555-2475."

"Call Ms. Dixie McCall at her home number at 555-2475, got it!" Dixie smiled. "Thank you, Kirsteen isn't it?"

A giggle came over the line, "Well you had a 50/50 chance of getting it right , Ms. McCall. Actually, it is Kirsteen. I'll let him know when he comes in. Bye now." Dixie hung up and smiled again as she thought of the captain's two 13 years old twin daughters, Kirsteen and Kyleigh. "Figures it would be one of the girls who answered the phone,"

She chuckled to herself, "Guess Dave doesn't even try." She could guess the girls and their littlest brother were left under the watchful eye of their older sibling. She looked over the last number on the rolodex, debating calling Roy DeSoto over her concerns with his partner. '_Would he even care_?' she mused, '_From his previous actions and the fact he didn't seem to care about Johnny being here, I'm tempted to think no but . . ._' she sighed, '_I just can't help remembering the look on his face when I found him out there by the squad, after he knew what had happened_.' She glanced again at her watch, seeing it was now after 6. '_Maybe I'll give him a call later. After I talk to Captain Stanley_.'

As she gathered back up her purse, the beeping of the base station caught her attention. A quick searching look up and down the hallways revealed no one else around. With a sigh, she put down the purse and flipped the toggle. "Unit calling in, this is Rampart. Please repeat."

She felt her eyes widened as a very familiar voice answered, "Rampart this is Squad 51. We have a male, approximately 29 years old, victim of a partial building collapse and a car accident."

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Roy greeted the other members of C-shift amiably, asked after and got the latest on Dwyer's injures as he walked to the table with his coffee. He sat down, saying, "Well I'm glad it's a sprain but I'm sure Tom's not. Sometimes they can hurt worse and take longer to heal than a break."

"Don't you and I both know it, Roy." Jake Westler, Dwyer's partner answered somberly. "Speaking of injured partners, . . ." Roy felt a chill go down his back as he knew what was coming next. He braced himself as Jake continued, "How's Joh . . ."

"Station 51, Station 36, Squad 45, car into building. 21745 Avalon Boulevard, 2—1—7—4—5—Avalon Boulevard. cross street East Carson Street. Ambulance and police are responding. Time out 18:05."

Sam Lanier's calm voice cut through the air as everyone scrambled for their vehicles. Since he was the temp paramedic, Roy slid quickly into the passenger side, reaching to take the paper from Jake as he remarked, "Car into a building huh? If I remember correctly that area is full of little shops."

Jake nodded as he watched the door go up before easing the squad out, the engine on its tail. "Uh huh, and with it being dinner time on a Thursday we're bound to have quite a mess."

The two men drove the rest of the way in silence. As the squad pulled close to the scene Roy got his first look, "Holy . . ."

"Yeah," Jake agreed.

The back end of a station wagon was barely visible from where it protruded from what was left of a large plate glass window in a brick building. The sign hanging drunkenly from the remains of the building's entrance proclaimed it as "El Gecko's Café" Smoke poured out from the hole while firefighters and other paramedics scrambled around the car.

Jake maneuvered the squad into the place directed by 36's captain then paused as said captain leaned into the cab. "It's a mess, guys. We've got the fire contained already, but there were people sitting at the tables by the window and in front of the doorway. There's two people trapped under the car, both Code F. The driver's Code F too, went straight through the windshield and the car rolled over her. My guys are triaging the rest. Grab your gear and meet them through the side entrance."

Both paramedics did as told and were soon dropping their gear near the paramedic's from 36's. "Ben, Gus, what you got?"

One paramedic turned from the IV he'd just started and said, "People over there are priority 3, minor cuts and bruises. We've got three priority 2's over there. Some broken bones mainly, a couple of burns but only second degree. There are two priority ones, Gus and I have this guy, head injury, possible spinal as well and over there Hanks and Meadows have a bleeder."

Both nodded at the run down, "We'll start in on the priority 2's." All looked up as a policeman announced, "Ambulances are here." Immediately the two top priority patients were lifted into gurneys and whisked away. Jake and Roy each busied themselves with a victim.

"Hey," Roy smiled down at the man before him. "I'm Roy; I'm a paramedic. What do we have here?"

"Steve . . . Steve Conners. The . . .the other guy said I broke my leg." The muscular man answered. Roy noticed his face was pale and sweat beaded around his upper lip. A touch to the skin confirmed it was cool and clammy. Roy nodded as he checked over the victimls vitals, scribbling the results down on his pad. "Ok, I'm just gonna check you out here, just relax and stay calm please."

Then he ran his hands over the man's body, finding areas on both his posterior flank and anterior upper quadrate where winces indicated tenderness. Then he checked his limbs, finding swelling and deformity in the right upper arm and in the right upper leg. He pulled the biophone closer to him and called his patient's vitals in, getting a confirmation that the patient was indeed showing signs of shock. He started the prescribed IV and called out. "We have an upgrade. He goes next," A tug on his sleeve brought his attention back to his patient and he gave the hurting man a smile, "Just relax, we'll have you on your away to the hospital soon."

He nodded, "I . . .I know. But . . .Jamie . . . how's Jamie?" At Roy's puzzled look, he went on, "My friend. He was right beside me when . . .when that car hit us. Tall guy, blonde hair inna ponytail. I always tell him he looks . . .looks like a nerd, you know, skinny, glasses, always got . . . got his nose in some technical manual."

Roy realized that the man Steve was describing sounded like 36's victim and he hadn't looked good. He put on a reassuring smile as he said, "He's already on his way in."

Steve sighed and closed his eyes, "I wish I could've gone in with him." He reopened his eyes and looked it Roy's blue ones, his own hazel ones awash in tears. "He's . . .uh . . . he's kinda afraid of hospitals. He . . .uh . . . hates needles." Roy grinned, his mind going instantly to someone he knew who hated needles. At least the receiving end of them. He was jerked back to the here and now when two attendants wheeled a gurney over to him.

Before long they were in the ambulance and heading toward Rampart. Roy updated the doctors on Steve's vitals and their ETA. Then he settled back, realizing for the first time he was going to Rampart for the first time since he'd snuck into his partner's room.

"This was a terrible thing," Steve's comment drew him back. "I mean what are the odds, you know?"

"Probably pretty high." Roy agreed. '_Unless your name is John Gage_,' he mused.

"We were on our way into the restaurant." He looked up at Roy who nodded absentmindedly as he took the guy's vitals again. "See, me and Jamie, we . . .we were best friends." A catch in the fellow's breathing got Roy's attention and he rechecked the O2 before he asked politely, "were?"

Steve nodded, "Yeah. Were, up until about three months ago. Aww, the original fight was stupid once I thought about it. But by then stuff was said and I was mad, yah know?"

Roy nodded, he did know. The guy sighed, "So anyway Jamie and I haven't talked in over six weeks. Then my wife set up this meeting. Jamie, he ain't married but he and my wife are like second cousins or something. So she made sure I was gonna go." He shook his head. "Is there anyway you can check on him for me?

Roy shook his head, "They can tell you in the hospital. I'm sure he's getting the best care possible." Silently he felt for the guy. His friend's injuries at the scene hadn't looked very hopeful.

"I hope he's gonna be alright. To tell you the truth, I kinda miss him. See, we did everything together before the fight. I . . .I was kinda hoping this would finally end it."

Roy smiled, "I'm sure he feels the same way too." When Steve looked at him puzzled, Roy grinned, "Well? He was there—right?"

Slowly a smile spread across the victim's face, "Yeah. Yeah! You're right! He WAS there!"

The ambulance backed up and the doors opened. Roy accompanied the gurney down the hall, giving his report to a doctor he barely recognized as he went. After they transferred Steve onto the exam table and Roy detached all of the squad's equipment, he asked the doctor, "Need me anymore, Doc?" The doctor looked up and shook his head and Roy turned to leave. Again a pull on his sleeve stopped him and he turned back. Steve gave him a weak grin, "Thanks man, for . . . for all you said. Just thanks."

Roy grinned back and nodded, "You take care." With that he left.

As he exited the treatment room he saw Ben coming slowly out of another room. He hurried over, "Hey, Ben. How's the guy you brought in?"

Ben looked up with a frown, "Why"

Roy blinked in surprise at the uncharacteristic attitude of the other paramedic. "Uh, the . . . the guy I just brought in? With the broken femur? He was asking. I understand they're like best buds, were together when the car hit them,"

Ben's face softened as he gave a faint nod, "oh." He took a deep breath then blew it out slowly, his hand on the back of his neck. "He . . . uh didn't make it, Roy. Morton just called it. He coded on us on the way in and we never got him back."

Roy felt stunned and leaned heavily against the wall as he digested it. Ben shook his head, "Weird, isn't it. I mean think of the odds that two guys are standing together going into a restaurant one minute then the next . . .bam, a car comes out of nowhere. One guy lives and the other dies. Go figure."

"Yeah," Roy echoed, hearing his wife's prophetic words over again in his mind, "Go figure." At that moment, Gus hailed his partner and without a look back, Ben ambled off.

Roy stood there, leaning against the wall, playing with the strap to the HT as he thought over the conversation with Steve. '_He never got to make it up with his friend_.' he shook his head, '_They were going to, after all they were both there and they were both going into the restaurant. But they never got . . ."_ He looked up, suddenly desperate to hear about his own friend. He spotted Dix standing near the base station and headed toward her.

"Hey Dix." His voice soft as he dropped his forearms wearily on the head nurse's desk. She looked up and nodded, "Rough one?"

He nodded.

He looked at the elevator and bit his lip.

"How's . . .how's John doing?

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, trying to gage his interest. Coming to a decision, she shrugged nonchalantly. "I wouldn't know." That got his attention and he stood up straight.

"You wouldn't know? Why not? What's happened to him?"

She shrugged again, "He checked out yesterday against Kel's orders."

Anger flooded Roy, fueled, he was surprised to realized by . . . fear. "He did? Of all the asinine idiotic immature boneheaded stunts he's pulled . . . What the hell did he think he was trying to prove doing that?!"

Now Dixie was angry and her being tired on top of all that didn't help. "Oh get off it, DeSoto." She scoffed. "Like you even give a rat's ass what he does anymore."

To say the Head Nurse's words shocked the paramedic would be a gross understatement. He blinked owl-like at her as she continued, "You've proved how little you care about Johnny quite well over the last several weeks. And even if you hadn't, your actions when he lay there in the exam room the day he was injured showed everyone your true feelings."

Now Roy's eyes closed as the guilt swelled up and nearly choked him. He knew she was right. "but . . . but Dix . . ." He weakly protested.

But Dixie's Celtic blood was boiling and she wasn't letting up. "I don't know what all happened, Roy DeSoto, but I saw enough to get a good idea. I never thought of you being over-bearing but over the last month I've had to do some reevaluating."

Roy remained silent and Dixie continued, "For whatever reason you came up with in your egotistical brain, you suddenly took a dislike to Johnny, a Johnny I might add that the rest of us might have at times found trying but loved him like he was for all that."

She waved her hands, "But oh no, not the wise ever-knowing Paramedic DeSoto. He knew better! And so he set forth to remake one poor little naive Indian boy." Roy winced, knowing that while not knowing the exact particulars, Dix had nailed the crux of the problem.

She looked at the slumped figure before her, her gaze calculating. In a quieter voice she said, "And God help that same poor boy but he let you." She straightened, her every word now considered and calculating, "How pathetic of him."

Roy's head shot upward, fire in his eyes, "John is not pathetic!" he burst out.

Dix tilted her head and gave a light chuckle, "Oh? You put such conditions on his relationship that he's no more the person he once was. You forced him into a model of something he isn't. And the saddest thing is, he's tried to fit that model in order to have some sort of relationship with you. How pathetic is that?"

"He's not pathetic!" Roy replied again, angry at the thought.

She raised an elegantly sculptured eyebrow at that. "Oh? Let me run it down. You didn't like his chatter; he stopped talking. You didn't like his bouncing energy; he stopped bounding around. You didn't think he was paying enough attention around him, you know that was wrong. Johnny is very conscious of his surroundings both on and off the job. He had to be to merely survive long before you ever met him."

She cringed inwardly at the pain she saw in the blue eyes of the man before her but she went on, determined that this had to be said, '_For both of their sakes_, ' She thought then amended herself, '_No, for ALL our sakes_.'

Her voice softened as she asked, "Was it so bad that he felt safe enough around you guys to relax and allow himself to have a little fun? Now he's remolded himself into what he thinks you want, a well trained automaton who can work side by side with you but has no friends, no human contact, no outside life! I'd say that's pretty pathetic."

Roy stood there, hearing Dixie's words, feeling them settle deep into his very soul and knowing they are unadulterated truth. With his guilt nearly crippling him now, he can't do anything, say anything back.

Dixie looked at him and sighed. "I'm tired. My shift ended hours ago and I'm going home. But before I go, I want to leave you with this one thought above all others."

Roy slowly raised his head until he could look Dixie straight in the eye and silently waited to hear her judgment, knowing what ever it would be, it was what he deserved. But Dixie's final words surprised him even more. "You started all this, Roy DeSoto. SO now what are you going to do to fix it?"

And she left.

Roy remained there, having no choice but to think over all she'd told him. He was still standing there when Jake found him and told him the squad was being delivered.

The rest of the crew seemed aware of his quiet mood and didn't break into it. They returned to the station, reheated and ate their dinner, then the weary firefighters headed for bed. The fates were gently with them that night and they had no more calls.

As Roy began to feel sleep claim him, he suddenly realized something, He had been trying to replace Johnny with Kent, trying to train Kent in the way he wanted Johnny to act. At the end all he'd done was hurt all involved in his little god-act. He realize that all the things he thought he couldn't control on Johnny, the things he thought made him a liability were what made Johnny, Johnny. In removing those things, he slowly killed Johnny's spirit.

A heavy fog blanketed the area, making visibility a near impossibility. Roy looked down at himself, the only thing he could see clearly right now in the thick mist around him. 'I'm in uniform. I must be on duty?'

The mist swirled off to his right as another figure strode toward him, "This way DeSoto. We don't want to miss anything." The voice told him who the speaker was long before he came close enough to be recognized. Roy groaned. 'Not Brice.'

Craig Brice halted in front of him and shook his head, "Don't blame me, DeSoto. I have nothing to do with being here. Apparently your subconscious believes that the only way you'll listen is through a manifestation of me so here I am once again." He shook his head, disappointment clearly in his face. "If you'd only listen more to your own consciousness . . ."

Fear clutched Roy's heart as he remembered the last time Brice had escorted him. "Where's John? Why are we here? What's going on?"

Brice took off his glasses, wiped them with a hanky from his back pocket and returned them to his face before facing the other paramedic. "All your questions will be answered if you'll follow me." With that, he turned and left, the mist dissolving around him as Roy followed.

Suddenly it cleared and the two men stood on a street corner. Engine 51 stood near them, the squad just a bit further up the street, and an ambulance was parked in the street. Roy caught sight of himself walking toward the ambulance. He watched as that other self stopped, faced Johnny and growled, "Meet us at Rampart." After crawling into the ambulance, the other Roy reached out and almost viciously yanked the bio-phone from Johnny's unsuspecting grip all the while glaring angrily at Johnny, then turned and with a smile and a pleasant voice told Marc. "Marc, you ride with Gage. I'll see you in a few."

"Gee, DeSoto." Brice commented, "Johnny must have really screwed up on that rescue."

Roy blinked in surprise, "Why do you say that?"

Brice laughed, "The way you were treating him, of course. I've never seen you even show as much as a deep frown toward me and I know I aggravate you tremendously. Gage must have been acting well below his usual adequate level to make you that mad at **him**."

Roy thought back and couldn't find anything wrong with the way Johnny had acted. '_So then, why __**was**__ I acting that way toward him_?' He watched as Johnny shut the doors, gave the signal of all clear and watched the ambulance pull away, his face expressionless. Johnny then turned and said something to Cap before heading toward the squad.

Brice smiled, "Ah yes. Now the story gets interesting."

Part of Roy cringed. He knew what he was seeing, what he was going to see, and he wasn't sure he really wanted to see it. However, he found he couldn't look away. The engine crew was getting ready to return, Cap talking with the police officer about the couple's car. Roy saw Johnny turn to Kent, tell him to pack up, then he removed his turnout coat and tossed his helmet into the squad. "Oh, John," he couldn't help but groan, "If only you'd kept your gear on a little bit longer, maybe your injuries wouldn't be so bad." Roy muttered.

"Yes, foolish of him wasn't it?" Brice agreed.

Roy frowned at him, "He didn't know what was going to happen. He thought the call was over and he was just following us to Rampart."

Brice looked him in the eye before he nodded slowly, "Exactly."

Roy felt somehow he'd been in the wrong. Johnny's actions caught his attention and he watched as the dark hared medic stopped and raised his head.

"He smells it. The gas. He smells it." Roy whispered and found himself unconsciously sniffing the air as well. He watched as Kent took off his coat and climbed into the squad then watched with a frown on his face as Johnny slowly turned around in the street, trying to center on where the gas was coming from.

Johnny walked slowly back toward the buildings as Kent sighed loudly and rolled his eyes. "Come on Gage," he called out, "stop messing around. Roy's gonna be waiting on us." Roy watched Johnny raise his hand toward Kent in a signal he knew well as 'wait' but Kent didn't seem to understand. "Damn stupid Indian, messin' around, wasting time." He growled and Roy looked at him wide-eyed. '_Has he been using these racial slurs against John all this time?_' somehow, he knew it was so.

Then Roy grinned as Johnny tried the door, watched as his posture changed and then the dark haired man was racing back toward the squad. "He pin-pointed it." Roy practically crowed and Brice nodded as they both heard Johnny warn LA dispatch. Roy noticed Kent was now fuming, yelling at Johnny about what he saw as his strange behavior and ordering him to drive them to Rampart, threatening to leave him behind. Roy looked at Brice who shrugged. Then Roy clearly heard Johnny order, "Move the squad. Now!" before he was gone again, running toward where Cap was just getting into the engine, calling as he did "Cap! Wait!"

But before he made it more then two steps, Roy saw him change direction, instead heading toward a portly gentleman in a suit approaching the same door Johnny had just checked. He watched, nodding in approval as Johnny took the arm of the man and lead him insistently over toward where Cap was coming toward them. He could hear Johnny questioning the man over the building and any other occupants then filling Cap in on what he'd smelled and what he'd told LA. "Way to go, Gage." Roy complemented.

"Yes, in all probability he saved several lives that day." Brice agreed.

Roy's smile of pleasure turned to alarm as he saw Johnny glance back toward the squad and tell Cap, "Kent's still in the squad; I told him to move it away.." Without another pause, the younger man ran back toward the squad shouting, "Kent! Get out of there!" at the sulking figure in the front seat.

"No! Johnny, no!" Roy found himself calling out, knowing what the younger man was headed for.

Brice shook his head, "He can't hear you. Besides, this has already happened as you well know."

Roy turned to Brice, frustration making his fists clench and unclench, "But why? Why did he run back? He was safe; he had the civilian safe. Kent was fine in the squad, it was Gage who was hurt because he was in the blast cone unprotected."

Brice nodded and pointed toward the squad, "You know that and we know that, but at the time Johnny didn't know Kent would be safe. He'd told Kent to move but Kent ignored him. All Johnny was thinking about was scene safe."

Roy slumped, "Check the scene, secure the scene." He murmured and could do no more but watch as his partner followed his training.


	22. Chapter 22

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Ok, here's the rest of the dream sequence. I had to cut it into two chapters because it was so long. Roy's learning a lot in this and finally comes to a decision. Thanks for your continued support and finger fuel!! Hang in there, a Johnny/Roy meeting is coming!

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Kent looked up, saw Johnny running toward him and grumbled, "'bout frigging time, Gage." while he fumbled to turn over the engine. Johnny was shaking his head, calling "No time! Leave it! Get out of there now! Leave it!" but Kent ignored him.

A noise caught Roy's attention and he knew the gas had ignited but his eyes remained glued to his partner. He watched as Johnny turned just as the building erupted, then tried to protect himself as best he could. He watched as the blast force picked Johnny up and slammed him into the squad, pelted him with debris and finally the fireball rolled over him—all within seconds. Then it was over, Roy stood there helplessly as Johnny's arms fell back to his side, his eyes wide but unfocused, his mouth moving as he tried to breathe though his chest failed to move.

Inside the squad, Kent was relatively protected so he just ducked down. When it was over, he sat up with a smile, looked out the window toward Johnny and laughed, "Wow. Some ride huh Gage?"

When Johnny didn't answer, he got out of the squad and walked around the front toward him. "Gage? You alright?"

Cap and Mike were running toward the squad also, Cap and Kent reaching Johnny just about at the same time. Roy moved closer with them, heard Johnny finally catch his breath only to groan in pain as his wounds began to bleed. He saw the color leave his partner's face as Cap eased him to the ground. Caught up in what he'd just seen, Roy murmured to himself. "Oh Junior."

Worry was obvious on Cap's face as he took his struggling paramedic's pulse then looked up and sharply called, "Kent!"

Roy, too, faced the trainee, wondering why he hadn't joined Cap at the injured man's side and was surprised to see Kent actually backing away from them, his face nearly as pale as Johnny's. Cap put more force into his second call "Kent! Pull yourself together man! He needs a paramedic!"

"He's freezing up," Brice commented.

Roy frowned as he muttered, "Not necessarily. Maybe he's . . .he's just in a little shock himself. After all, watching someone get injured like that was . . .pretty upsetting." '_I know it was upsetting for me_,' he concluded silently.

Brice cocked his head at him, "Still making excuses for Kent?" Then he nodded to himself as he turned back toward the scene, "Well, keep watching and we'll see if you change your mind."

Mike had returned with the gear and gently touched the injured paramedic as he said his name.

Johnny looked up at him and gave a faint grin before reminding his shiftmates they had other priorities. Roy nodded his approval. "That's John for ya. Always worried about others first." The three of them watched as Captain and Engineer went back to the engine. Kent, however, was once more backing away from Johnny's supine form until Johnny ordered in his trainer voice, "Kent. Pay attention . . . trainee. You've got …a job to do."

Roy shook his head, his gaze intent on the scene before him. "He's going into shock fast." he mused, "He can barely talk." He listened as Johnny told Kent "Assess, ABC's . . . like always. Pressure bandages on worse . . .wounds. Then vitals."

Brice pushed Roy closer but the older paramedic didn't protest. He, too, wanted to get closer to his injured partner. Roy noticed Kent's hands trembled violently as he fumbled in the trauma box. Marc's voice quaked as he questioned Johnny. "Which . . .which wounds?" Johnny took a deep breath and it was obvious he tried to keep his voice even and calm as he replied, "Whatever's bleeding the worse."

Kent nodded at that and with barely operating hands taped one dressing over the gash on Johnny's cheek and more on two others on his arm. Then Roy saw Kent's face pale even more as he looked at Johnny's hands then quickly looked away, his adam's apple bobbing madly as he swallowed rapidly, in the process ignoring Johnny who gasped out, "Marc. Look on my chest . . .and legs too."

Kent refused to meet the injured paramedic's gaze as he reached for John's shirt, hesitated, pulling back then gingerly reached for it again, holding the fabric carefully between his fingers in a grimace as if afraid to get any of the blood on him. Roy shifted uneasily, everything in him willing Kent into action, knowing time was a wounded man's enemy. However, Kent froze again, horror in his eyes as he watched Johnny lift a bloody hand up and grab his wrist. For a second Roy was afraid the man was either going to puke, shake Johnny loose, run or maybe a combination of all three.

Roy himself took a deep breath as he saw the effort his injured partner was taking to try to calm the other man down. "Marc. Don't worry . . .'bout saving shirt. That's what we . . .get uniform . . .allowance for." Johnny rasped as he tried to give the other man a confident smile. The knot that had formed in Roy's gut over the last week grew and tightened as he saw the efforts his wounded partner was making in trying to aid Kent as much as his own obviously failing body let him.

Kent bit his lip and ripped the shirt but the force of the movement jerked Johnny whose eyes widened in pain and a strangled moan escaped him. The sound made Roy move closer, wanting to comfort his partner but had the reverse effect on Kent. The other man pulled back again, his head turned from Johnny while the injured paramedic gasped out, "Marc. Vitals. Call . . . Rampart. Need permission . . .for IV."

Brice looked at Roy, "Isn't it a shame that there's valiant Kent doing all he can for poor dumb Gage while Johnny is being hysterical and combative."

Roy felt his face flush as he recalled the words Kent had told him. "But this is just a dream; it might not be what really happened." He tried defending.

Brice laughed heartily, his face turning grim though as he suddenly stopped, "Get real, DeSoto. You forget, I'm your conscious. I can't and won't lie to you." He leaned closer, "You **know** how Johnny is. You've **seen** him injured before. You **know** what these kind of injures do. You **saw** him afterwards in the treatment room and you **heard** what Wheeler, Mueller and Stoker all told you happened at the scene. You **know** this is true."

His voice thunderous now, the Brice figure commanded, "Look at the man you told Mike would make the ideal partner, Roy! Kent can barely call in the vitals and he's even messing those up. You know you can verify this with Dixie. Kent hasn't even tried controlling Johnny's worse bleeding, he's forgotten to request an IV, he hasn't even started his patient on O2! He hasn't begun to render any kind of even basic first aid! And you know _**that's true**_, Wheeler and Mueller told you that at Rampart."

Roy shook his head, trying to refuse what the figure of Brice was telling him. If he accepted it, he had to accept his own responsibilities over this and he couldn't do that, it hurt too much. A look of righteous anger came across the other's face and Brice pointed at Johnny's bleeding form. "Look at him! Look at Johnny, Roy. At this moment, he's dying! He's in shock, bleeding out and Kent's terrified of touching him!"

Roy frowned, falling back on his previous anger in response to the truths he was being forced to see, "John." Roy muttered obstinately. The Brice figure smirked as he shook his head. "Johnny." He stated again with the continued smirk. "I can't lie to you and you can't lie to me. In your mind you know Gage can never be anything but 'Johnny'."

Roy turned his back on the smirking figure but his sight unwillingly caught on the bloodied form at his feet. He watched as Johnny grabbed desperately at Kent's coat. Johnny's eyes were wide-pupils dilated, his breath becoming rapid and shallow and his mouth working several times before he managed to gasp out, "M . . . Marc. IV . . .IV… Shock.. . . gonna . . .gonna pass . . . "

Shudders raced over Johnny's body as his eyes turned glassy then slowly closed, his body relaxing into unconsciousness. "Johnny!" Roy called, his arms moving forward to grasp at his friend even as he saw Kent drop the bio-phone receiver and do the same.

"Good! Now Kent'll help him." Roy murmured then his own eyes widened in horror as Kent roughly grabbed each of Johnny's shoulders, lifted him off the ground and shook his limp body repeatedly all the while screaming, "No! Don't pass out! You can't pass out! Wake up! You hear me; wake up damn you! You have to tell me what to do! What do I do? Damnit tell me what to do!"

Roy's blood ran cold at the sight before him, his mind screaming in protest, '_Help him! Help him, damn you! What in hell's wrong with you, Kent! What kinda paramedic are you!'_

Brice pulled Roy gently back as the sandy haired man keep his eyes glued to the disconcerting scene, his own breath now coming in fast pants. "Yes." Brice told Roy, his voice solemn, "_**That's**_ what happened." He nodded toward Cap who had raced up and taken Johnny's body gently from the ineffective paramedic before shoving Kent roughly aside. Wheeler and Mueller dropped on either side of the unconscious man. "_**Now**_ he'll get the treatment he needs." Brice confirmed softly.

Roy watched, nodding as the paramedics from 110's gave Johnny the aid Roy, himself, would have if he'd been there. Through it all, Johnny remained unresponsive, his vital signs low. Roy wiped a hand down his face, "How . . .how long was treatment delayed?"

Brice shrugged, "I don't know. Cap would, so would Brackett. But I can guess about 7-10 minutes. That was the response time for 110's as you well know."

Roy sighed as he straightened up. He settled his shoulders and tried to settle the turmoil inside himself as well. "Well. I know he's better now." He shoved the fear-filled things he'd seen firmly away and continued with a confident nod. "John's out of surgery and in SICU." Roy stopped as Brice shook his head. "What? What are you trying to tell me?" Fear washed through him and he swallowed hard, "He's . . .he's gonna get better now, right? I mean the doctors are treating him."

Brice nodded, "The doctors are treating him for the wounds he received from the explosion but that's not all. He's not nearly out of the woods, so to speak, yet. They can't treat him for the wounds you gave him and those are slowly killing him."

Roy stared at him, his thoughts flashing back to what he'd been thinking right before he'd apparently fallen into this nightmare. "Wounds I caused? What . . .what do you mean?" A heavy feeling in his gut matched a niggling thought in his mind telling him this was true even if he didn't want to admit it.

Brice looked at him, then grabbed his arm and pulled, "Come on. I see I've got more to show you."

Roy blinked and found they now stood in the doorway of a room in what Roy recognized as Johnny's house. Roy glanced once at Brice who nodded toward the door, so with a sigh, Roy pushed it open. Once through, he found himself strangely pulled to the bedside. He looked down on his partner's sleeping form, noticing Johnny looked exactly as he had when Roy'd snuck in to see him while he was still in the hospital.

The blanket had slipped down slightly, revealing the many dressings with slight bloody seepage as well as the scabbed—over shallower cuts. Roy looked at Johnny's neck, noticing he lay at a slight angle allowing Roy to clearly see the pulsating area in his stretched neck, showing Johnny's heart beat in a strong rhythm. His gaze moved to see Johnny's battered chest rise and fall evenly with his respirations.

Roy turned toward Brice and shrugged, "He looks the same. He's healing."

Brice shook his head. "I told you; the wounds from the explosion weren't the ones killing him. Look again."

Roy turned and let his gaze sweep over his partner's form again. This time, there appeared to be a shifting and suddenly he could see . . .things . . . looking like shafts of ice embedded in Johnny's body. A shining substance welled to the surface around them and trickled down to pool on the bed around him. Roy moved closer, his eyes wide. "What . . . what are those?"

"The wounds you gave him. The bolts you shot into him. They're the ones killing him." Again Brice repeated. "You put them there; you're the only one who can remove them."

Roy frowned, then reached out and grasped one which looked distressingly too close to Johnny's heart and pulled. Not only did it not move, but Johnny grimaced in pain then whimpered softly as Roy clearly heard his own voice say, "_You are nothing – like- me! You are a menace, Gage. The way I see it, if I stick with you when the inevitable happens maybe I can save innocents from the backlash. I figure I owe that to the citizens of LA. After all, I was the one who recruited you." _

Roy jumped back, his heart racing as he tried to calm himself. His wide gaze centered on Brice who nodded, "Yeap, your words. Each one of those bolts is a phrase you've literally speared him with over the last three weeks." To demonstrate Brice carefully tapped several others and Roy's voice echoed around the room,

"_Did you stop for coffee, Gage? This kid doesn't need you dawdling_"

"_Bring in the squad and don't take forever doing it."_

"_There are some advantages with having a skinny partner. I can use him to get into tight spots for a rescue, kinda like one of those specially trained dogs_."

"_Gage is an Indian and we all know Indians never lose their way__.__._"

Brice pointed to a nasty oozing area with a shaft buried so deeply it was barely visible and told Roy, "See this? It's the initial wound." Roy's voice came across, "_Get to the damn point, Gage! I don't give a damn about you; I want to know what you did to my daughter!"_

Roy cringed as he realized that each one came from his mouth, aimed with deadly accuracy into the very being of the one he'd called 'friend'. Brice ignored him as he continued, his hand just over what looked like open surgical incisions. "These here are all the racial slurs both from you and from the Kent family." Again Roy heard his voice as well as Marc's, Amy's and finally that horrid conversation with Tammy. Brice grinned at him, but the grin held no amusement in it. "You've heard the expression 'words cut like a knife,' well, it's true; they do."

Roy's breath quickened again as guilt settled over him but Brice continued, pointing out ragged open and running cuts next. "And all these slashes are actions. Here's where you pushed him away from working at the scene of the traffic fatality. Here's when you shoved him out of the way while going into the kitchen, here's where you refused to treat his burns at the fire until Cap ordered you and oh yes, this lovely deep one is when you called Kent "junior" "

Brice looked up, his gaze sad, then leaned closer, his gaze intent. "Do you understand now? These are soul wounds and when **they** bleed, bit by bit, drop by drop the soul dies. Look at him now, Paramedic, and assess his condition."

Roy did, seeing the previously strong pulse he'd clearly seen before wasn't there and the breaths John took were ragged, way too far apart, and weak. He looked back at Brice, tears in his eyes. "Alright! I see it" he cried out in anguish, his guilt a painfully sharp object within his own body. "I did all this to him! I admit it! Is that what you wanted to hear!" Roy turned his back on the figure on the bed as he repeated in a broken whisper, "I did this to him."

He felt the hand on his shoulder but didn't move as Brice said, "_**I **_didn't need to hear you admit it, but I think you yourself needed to."

They stood there, silently. In the background Roy could still hear the too slow, weak respirations. "Why can't I just pull them out?"

Brice shook his head, "It doesn't work that way. There's been too much damage and too much time from the initial injures for a quick apology to work now. These wounds are deep and they've festered."

Roy frowned as he turned back around and looked at the terrible shafts again and saw the angry red/black flesh around them. "Festered, how?"

"Each time Johnny thinks about what you've done to him or said to him or about him, the wound goes deeper and rots alittle more. And he's had weeks to think about all you've done. It will take more than just a quick 'gee, I'm sorry buddy, forgive and forget?' to fix them now. However, if he is to live, you have to heal them."

Roy shifted uncomfortably, "It has to be me?" He asked tremulously.

Brice glared at him. "You gave them. Why not you?"

Roy shrugged as he looked back at the figure on the bed.

Brice gave a patient sigh, "You did this; your actions are the direct cause of all this. And as such, your actions are tied into fixing it."

Roy flinched as he once more heard the words Dixie had told him just a few hours hence, "_You started all this, Roy DeSoto. SO now what are you going to do to fix it_?"

Roy still hesitated, the guilt over all he'd done nearly overwhelming him. He dropped his head, "I . . .I can't. I caused him too much pain. I can't . . . "

Brice's eyes narrowed, "I've thought you were many things, DeSoto, but I never thought you were a coward."

Roy felt anger swell up in his chest, coupled with frustration. "Don't you see? I've hurt him too much; I can't bear to hurt him anymore." He grasped at an idea, "The other guys, Marco and his family and Mike. Even Dixie, they can help him."

Now Brice looked sad as he slowly nodded, "They can and they probably will. But the outcome may not be the same." He stared intently at Roy, "Can you live with that?"

Roy felt trapped and scared but he had to know. "What do you mean? Someone hurt like this can survive, right?"

Brice looked back at the figure on the bed. "If you choose not to help him, he _**might**_ survive. But when someone is wounded like this, it takes years before the wounds heal and even when they do, the person is never the same as they were. They become closed off, unwilling to be open to anyone else, a loner, afraid to open themselves to this sort of pain ever again."

Roy's head jerked up at that. "When . . . when I first met him, he was kinda that way. Sure, he was friendly enough but sorta stand-offish, a loner."

Brice nodded, "Yes, he's been hurt before, but I don't believe nearly as badly as he has this time. That's why healing this time is going to be longer and harder, **IF** he even tries this time to heal."

A chill went through Roy. "IF?"

Brice nodded, "He's physically weak, he's badly injured, and you know very well a person's will to survive is tied very strongly into their recovery." He pointed down at Johnny's sleeping form. "There is a chance he might survive without your help but it is a small thin chance at best." He looked at Roy, disappointment in his face. "But know this, if he does survive without you, the person who survives will not be the John Roderick Gage that you all know. The Johnny Gage who is lying there, the personality you all know, _**will**_ die."

Roy looked down and couldn't help thinking back to the years he'd spent with his partner. The talks in the squad, the trips, the picnics and family outings, the many nights spent on Roy's back patio just being together. Could he really live without those? Ok, so he was the one who had hurt his friend, and now Johnny may never want to be his friend again. But Roy found, to his surprise, he himself was still John Gage's friend and as his friend Roy couldn't bear to see him suffer.

Brice's next words cinched Roy's decision. "Now's not the time for whining about guilt and chest-thumping recriminations, now's the time for assertive action. You were man enough to admit your guilt, are you man enough to face what you've done and _**fix it**_?"

Roy clinched his teeth. With a firm voice he announced, "Johnny has to recover, and I mean fully recover. He **must**. I'll do anything, no, **everything** I can to help him."

Brice stared at him for several long moments then slowly nodded, "I think you will. I wish you luck, DeSoto, it won't be easy, but I wish you both luck."


	23. Chapter 23

Ok, here's another one and Johnny is here again. I think this one will answer some questions. As always thanks for the feedback!

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Dixie looked over her desk with a sigh. '_Feels like I just left here_,' she told herself but she knew that had been nearly twelve hours ago now. She remembered the conversation she'd had with Roy right before she left '_I hope I got through to him_._ I know his attitude can make the whole difference in Johnny's recovery._' With another sigh, she began putting order to the chaos of paperwork.

"I see you have been very busy. Can you spare some time for a coffee and maybe a conversation?" A thickly accented voice caught her attention and Dixie looked up in surprise. First -- she noticed that two hours had passed since she'd started working, second --she noticed the smiling face of her friend, Adelina Lopez, standing in front of her. She smiled, "Lina! You're in early today!"

Adelina nodded, "Yes, I told Sheila in Peds I would help her with the early feedings. This . . . how do you say, epidemic of flu, has made help short."

Dixie rolled her eyes and took the cup Adelina offered her, "Don't I know it. It's hitting everywhere in the hospital. And I'm afraid it'll get worse before it gets better." She sipped the brew and raised her eyebrows in appreciation. "Lina! This isn't Rampart's normal!"

Lina's eyes twinkled as she put a finger to her lips. "I made you a special pot of some of my own."

Dixie sniffed deeply over the cup, "ahhh, the smell alone is pure nirvana." Lina pulled another stool around and sat next to her friend. She reached into her ever present bag and pulled out a plastic container. She opened it, revealing fat cinnamon rolls. Dix took the offered treat and bit into it. Both women ate silently for several moments then Dix eyed her friend. "Lina, as much as I enjoy this, I have a feeling you've something else on your mind."

Lina gave an innocent look to her friend. Dixie chuckled then became serious, "And I think I know what it's about, too."

Lina nodded and carefully placed her cup down, her eyes remaining on it. "I . . . went up to SICU when I came in today."

"And you found Johnny had checked himself out." Dixie finished. "I found out myself yesterday."

Lina looked up, her ebony eyes filled with tears, "He is too weak to be on his own. He could barely sit up, let alone take care of himself."

Dixie placed her cup down as well. "I know. I tried several times to call him and each time all I got was a busy signal. I've left a message with Hank Stanley but I haven't heard from him yet. A-Shift is on now, aren't they?"

Lina nodded. Dixie went on to tell her what Gretchen had let her know and the discussion she'd had with Roy. Lina listened, carefully quiet as Dixie spoke. When she was finished there were several long moments of silence from both worried friends. Then just as Lina opened her mouth to say something, the phone on the desk rang. Dix smiled as she raised one finger and told her friend, :Hold that thought." Into the phone she said, "Emergency department, Nurse McCall speaking, how may I help you."

Silence reigned on the other end for several moments then a hesitant voice asked, "Uh. . . Dixie?"

Dixie felt a cold rush flood her body, part relief, part anger and it showed in her voice. "John Gage, where have you been? I've been worried sick! I've been calling you for the last two days."

Another pause then, "Sorry Dix. I was pretty out of it yesterday, slept most of the day. I just discovered this morning my cat knocked the receiver off my phone." Johnny glared at PQ who sat next to him washing her paw as if nothing was wrong.

He turned his attention back to the phone, "uh listen Dix, are . . .is Brackett available?"

Something in her nurse's intuition started alarming and she straightened in her chair. She looked around, surprised to see the object of discussion just leaving his office. She quickly caught his eye and motioned him over. "Yes, yes, Johnny, he's right here."

Kel smiled at the two ladies and waved a file at them, "Forgot my records." He said then paused, his face suddenly serious as he heard what Dixie said, "That's Johnny?"

Dixie nodded as she covered the receiver, "Yes, finally. No one's been able to get ahold of him since he checked out. Kel, he doesn't sound right."

Kel's frown deepened as he motioned for the phone. "This is Brackett. What's up, Johnny. Uh huh. Uh huh. When did it start? I see. How high is it now?" He glanced at the two women who themselves exchanged worried glances. "Yes, I want to see you. As soon as you can get in here! I'll give you back to Dixie and I expect to see you in my emergency room before noon today or I will personally send a squad and an ambulance to your place."

He handed back the phone but told Dixie, "Gage is running a fever. Have me paged as soon as he shows."

Dixie took the phone again, "Johnny?"

"I guess he's a little mad?" came the soft contrite voice.

Dixie chuckled, "Not mad, Johnny. He's concerned. And I'm sure he's glad you called. I didn't hear, how high and when did it start?" She pulled out a blank chart pad as he sighed then told her. Once he'd told her everything he could, he sighed again. "Now I gotta call someone and see about getting a ride in."

Dixie looked up as Lina, who had heard everything, motioned for the phone. She handed it over and Lina immediately said. "Mi hijo, it's Momma. I'm here with Dixie right now. I can come get you. Sure, it is no trouble. I will be there by . . ." she looked up at the clock and calculated the time out to his ranch from the hospital. "Say 10? Ok, Juanito. I will see you then."

She hung up the phone and Dixie frowned at her. "10?" she questioned, "Why so long? Kel wants to see him as soon as possible. If he's starting an infection . .."

Lina raised her hand, her eyes closed, "I know I know. You and the good doctor are concerned about Juanito's body's health. I am too. But." She opened her eyes and looked deep into Dixie's, "I am more concerned over healing his soul as well as his body and I think I know how we might aid that along." Dixie watched her, silently sipping on her refreshed coffee cup as Lina pulled the phone over toward her. When she started dialing a number, Dixie's eyebrows raised in surprised recognition.

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Jo looked over at her calendar, a little surprised that in a normally packed schedule there were no red marks listed for today; no doctor's appointments, no ball games, no dance lessons, nothing. The kids were gone, Jenny spending the weekend with Jo's sister and her daughter "doing girl things' and Chris spending time over at Bob Schultz's house with the other kids and leaving for boy scout camp the next morning. Jo looked around the quiet house, a smile growing on her face. The laundry was caught up, the ironing all done, floors and walls cleaned, no real chores needing her attention.

She looked down at the cat twyning around her ankles, "Well, Mousie, maybe I have a day to myself! Whatever shall I do?" She giggled at her own foolishness then titled her head in thought. "I do have that book I bought that I haven't been able to read more than the cover on." Humming a tune, she poured herself a large glass of tea and picked up her book from its spot on the coffee table. Just as she walked through the kitchen toward the back door, the phone rang. She laughed as she emptied her hands. '_And so it ends'_. "Hello?"

"Hello, JoAnne?" came a heavily accented voice. "This is Adelina Lopez."

"Oh," Jo said with a smile in her voice for the Hispanic woman, "Hello. How are you?" '_Wonder what she wants, probably something for her church; I know she's involved in a lot of activities there_.'

"I'm fine, thank you. JoAnne, I called to ask a large favor of you."

Jo shrugged her shoulders, '_well so much for my book'_. But she pleasantly answered, "Certainly Adelina, what do you need?"

"It seems I've . . . how do you say? Overbooked my time today. I promised Father Mendoza I'd help straighten the food pantry today and then promised a friend I'd take him to a doctor's appointment."

"Oh," was the only comment Jo could think to make, then she laughed, "You know? I've done that myself. So what can I do to help?"

"Oh, thank you so much. Would you take Juanito—Johnny, I mean, to Rampart today at 10:30? He has an appointment with Dr. Brackett. Again bless you JoAnne. Well gotta go. Thanks again." Momma Lopez hung up the phone and looked up into the eyes of the woman standing next to her. "There, it is done. Now we wait and watch."

Dixie shook her head and chuckled, "Lina, you amaze me. No one would expect such a fine catholic woman as you to have such a devious mind." She grinned in admiration at her long time friend. Adelina gave a nonchalant shrug of one shoulder as she stirred her coffee. "I am not devious, just . . .how do you say? resourceful. Juanito needs the DeSotos in his life, you agree? Roy is his best friend, maybe the only person he's ever really been completely himself with, you agree?"

Dix sighed, "I can't argue that; I've seen how he's bloomed since he and Roy have been partners."

Adelina nodded, "So have I. He's been happier than I've ever seen him, even happier than when he was with me. Whatever has happened, whatever was done or said between them, it is now killing the boy, you agree?"

Again Dixie had to nod; she'd seen a vibrant energetic man become quiet and withdrawn. And the weight loss! Even Kel had been worried while Johnny was still in the hospital. Adelina gave a satisfied nod. "So. Maybe Roy won't talk to Juanito but I bet Roy talks to his wife. JoAnne DeSoto is a good woman; she loves my Juanito like family. I bet she didn't know what happened and I bet now that she does, things will change. You watch. You get the wife and you have the husband."

Again Dixie chuckled, "Well, you might not agree but I still say you are devious. And, for what it's worth, I'm praying like mad you are right."

Adelina laid a wrinkled hand on Dixie's, her face and voice serious, "It must work. And as for praying, don't stop. They all need plenty of that."

Dixie nodded yet again, remembering her prayer just a few days ago when she'd stated that something had to change, that Johnny couldn't take much more. '_This isn't quite what I meant, Lord. I didn't want him hurt more than he already was hurting. But if this is your will, please let this work.'_ As if she'd heard, or perhaps to complete a prayer offering of her own, Adelina whispered a soft, "Amen," then she stood. "Now I must get myself to the church."

Dix looked at her, confused, and Adelina gave her an innocent smile. "I have to help Father Mendoza clean up the food pantry." She shook a finger at Dix and scolded, "You didn't think I would lie to the woman, do you? A good catholic woman like me?" She laughed along with Dix as she waved and walked away.

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Jo looked at the dead receiver in her hand then back down to the sheet of paper where she'd been writing the request down. "Johnny? Wait. What?" Right there in her own writing were the words, Johnny, Dr. Brackett, Rampart 10:30. She looked up at the clock. It read 9:15. She had just enough time to change her clothes before she had to get to Johnny's ranch. Without a moment's more hesitation, she raced off.

As she pulled her wagon out of the garage and pushed the button for the door she couldn't help but wonder, '_What's going on here? Why does Johnny have to see Dr. Brackett? I thought he was on duty today? I know the rest of A-Shift are. Roy didn't say anything about Johnny being hurt or sick.'_ Then she sighed, "Well," she spoke out loud, "The way that husband of mine has been acting lately where his partner is concern, maybe I shouldn't be so surprised he didn't say anything."

As she made her way to the outskirts of town, she couldn't help but worry over what Johnny needed a doctor for. She glanced at the crucifix that dangled from her mirror and prayed, "Please Lord. We need your healing in this family. Something is terribly wrong and I'm afraid I'm about to find out even more."

Jo pulled into the long dirt driveway and checked the time. 9:45. She'd made good time getting out here. Now if Johnny was ready and they left in the next few minutes they should make it in time. She scurried up the deck steps and knocked on the door.

"It's open." Johnny's muffled voice came through the door. She pushed the door open and walked inside. She looked around, smiling at Johnny's décor. His home was so . . .Johnny. The comfortable furniture that just begged you to sprawl in it, the soft throws over the couch in their colorful Indian patterns, the shelves filled with books and odds and ends. She walked over to the huge fireplace and frowned. All the pictures there on the mantel had been placed facedown. She slowly turned one over, seeing her family's smiling faces within the frame. "Oh Johnny," she murmured with a sigh.

"Sorry. I'm running a bit behind. Tezi ran off with my shoes and I had to dig out another pair." Johnny's voice was coming closer as he made his way from the side room into the living room. "Just let me get these on and I'll . . ." his voice faltered as he finally looked up.

Jo had turned around as Johnny had started speaking and now stood, eyes wide, hand to her mouth, as she stared at her friend. "My God! Johnny! What happened?" Her eyes searched his body over as he stood frozen in the hallway, a pair of shoes dangling from his bandaged left hand, his right hand cast from fingertips to mid forearm. His upper arms were wrapped in bandages as well. Smaller cuts and scrapes showing around the white. A row of stitches crossed his left cheek and all over his face and neck other small cuts were held closed by butterflies or small stitches. His face and neck were red and beginning to peel from what Jo instantly recognized as burns. His shirt hung open and under the tank style t-shirt she could see more heavy patches. As she watched, his hands dropped to his sides and he made his way in a painful shuffle over to the couch. Once there he carefully sat down, wincing as he did. He looked back up at her, "I . . .I was expecting Momma Lopez." he stammered.

Jo walked quickly toward him, "She couldn't make it. Something at the church, I understand, so she asked me to come. Johnny, what happened?"

Johnny tried pulling his shoe open by placing it between his knees then tugging at it with his injured left hand. "If you ask your husband, he'll tell you I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings." He murmured.

After watching him fumble for a few moments, Jo made a tsk sound and dropped to her knees before him. She grabbed the shoe out from between his legs and picked up his foot. She paused then slid the sneaker on his foot and tied the lace. She repeated the process on the other foot and stood. As she did and before he could move, she laid the back of her hand on his forehead. She'd been right. She'd felt the unnatural heat coming off his feet. "Johnny, you have a fever."

While Jo had been getting his shoes on, Johnny had been buttoning his shirt. When her hand was gently laid on his forehead, Johnny couldn't help but close his eyes. It felt blessedly cool and the touch of another person comforted him more than he could have thought.

He nodded in answer to her statement. "I know. That's why I'm gonna see the doc." She moved her hand to under his arm and helped him stand. Although part of him wanted to pull back from her, to refuse her aid, another part of him craved the care she was giving him. But the majority of him was just too tired and too sore to care about anything.

She led him out the door, her lower lip caught between her teeth over the shivers she felt from his overheated body. She knew he was in pain although he did his best to hide it. She could see it in his slow and deliberate movements, in the pinched look around his eyes, and the thinning of his lips. Finally she had him in the car and he leaned back into the seat with a heavy sigh. She ran back up to the house and pulled the door shut, making sure it was locked. She climbed into her seat, seeing he'd already buckled himself in and buckled her own seatbelt. As she pulled away from his house, he looked into the back seat with a frown. "JoAnne?" He questioned. She smiled and anticipating his question responded with an answer before he could continue.

"Chris has Boy Scout camp this week and Jenny is spending the weekend with Joyce. You've got my total undivided attention, young man." She glanced at him. The barest hint of a smile touched his lips then vanished. She reached out a hand and placed it on his hot one. "Johnny. You never did answer me. When did this happen? **What** happened?"

Johnny sighed but didn't remove his hand from hers. "We . . .we got called to a man down last shift. After Roy had taken him to the hospital, I smelled gas coming from one of the buildings. I let Cap know and was trying to warn Kent who was in the squad and it blew. I . . .I just wasn't fast enough; I got caught. That's all there is to it."

She nodded her head. She knew she'd gotten the condensed version but she also knew Dixie would tell her all the details once Jo pushed her. The rest of the way was driven in silence. Jo noticed Johnny's head had lolled to one side, eyes closed and she hoped he slept. From the dark circles around his eyes, she didn't think he'd been getting much rest.

As she pulled into the parking lot at Rampart, she smiled widely as she saw a rare empty spot near the emergency room doors. She pulled in and carefully woke her friend, mindful of all the bandages on his arms and chest. He didn't refuse her aid as she helped him stand and she felt him lean on her as they made their way to the doors. Once inside, she pushed him carefully into one of the waiting room chairs, pausing only to see him sprawl out, his head back, long legs stretched before him then turned and hurried toward the nurse's desk. She was really worried now; since telling her about his accident, he hadn't spoken another word and his eyes, when he'd opened them, had been fever bright and slightly glassy.

Spying Dixie at the podium, she hurried over. "Dixie, I just brought in Johnny."

Dixie looked up with a smile, "Oh. Hi, JoAnne. Good. He's on time. Kel is in a meeting right now but I've got room 4 all prepped for him." She picked up the phone, punched several numbers and waited then requested a page for Dr. Brackett and hung up.

Dixie grabbed the chart and said, "Let's get you into 4, young man." She motioned toward the room then looked past the woman, expecting to see Johnny behind her. She frowned then Jo's voice caught her attention again. "Dixie, he's running quite a high fever. He spoke with me right after I got him into the car but hasn't said a word since. And I barely got him in here by myself; he seems weaker than when we left."

Dixie looked at the woman as she motioned for an orderly with an empty wheelchair. "Where is he, Jo?" Jo took them back over to where Johnny sprawled in the chair, his eyes barely cracked open but definitely not aware. She knelt before the ill firefighter, one hand on the side of his neck taking a pulse even while she gently shook him. "Johnny? Johnny?" He exhaled in a faint moan but his eyes opened more and he struggled to focus on her.

"Dixie . . ." He whispered and she smiled, brushing the hair off his forehead as she laid the back of her hand against it.

"Hello there phoenix. Can you get up for me? Your express to the doctor's awaits." She told him as she motioned the orderly closer. Johnny gave a faint nod and made an effort to sit up but failed. Dixie immediately grabbed him under one arm and the orderly the other. Together they got him into the wheelchair. Dix ordered, "Treatment 4." The orderly nodded and took off while Dix walked rapidly back toward her desk and grabbed up his chart. As she turned to head back into the room, she nearly ran into Jo who had shadowed them, her lip between her teeth and worry plain on her face.

"Dixie?" She asked and Dixie laid a gentle hand on her arm. "I'll let you know as soon as Kel checks him out, Jo. Thanks so much for getting him in here."

Jo gave a shrug, "How could I not help him? It's Johnny." She said then looked over her shoulder, "I guess I'll wait here." Dix smiled at her, "Go to the lounge, Jo, and have some coffee. It will probably be awhile."

Jo gave a weak smile, "That's ok; I've got nothing but time. I already told Johnny I'm his for the day. Whatever he needs." She turned and walked slowly toward the lounge. As Dix pushed open the door to treatment 4, she couldn't help but compare Jo's current actions to the way Roy had been acting lately. _'Well Lina, looks like once again, you are right. And JoAnne DeSoto definitely cares about Johnny.'_

Dixie pushed into the room and looked where the orderly had gotten Johnny up on the exam table. The paramedic sat in the middle, legs hanging down with his upper body hunched over, his head down on his chest. The orderly stood next to him, a supporting arm around his shoulders. He looked up at the nurse, "I got him up here Ms. McCall, and then he just went limp. I was afraid to leave him so I just figured we'd wait for you."

She smiled, "That's perfect, George. Help me get these shirts off him." The orderly nodded. Dixie could see Johnny's eyes had cracked open again so she talked to him, "You know, Johnny, this is different. For once I'm pulling your clothes off you intact instead of cutting them off you." Johnny huffed slightly and Dixie realized he'd tried to laugh. Once his shirts were off, they laid him gently back onto the table and George made short work over removing his pants as well, and covered the man with a sheet, then noticing him shivering, covered him with a blanket as well. Dixie had pulled out a thermometer and had placed it in Johnny's mouth and now had a BP cuff wrapped around his arm.

"You need me to stick around, Ms. McCall?" George asked. Dixie shook her head. "No. Oh and George, would you tell Betsy to come in here? Thanks." George nodded, patted Johnny's knee with a, "Later Gage," then he left. Soon the door opened again and Betsy came in. She looked at the patient then at Dixie, "I didn't hear anyone from 51 call in at the base station?"

"Johnny wasn't working today." Dixie offered then added, "Pulse is 110, BP 106/68. Respirations 28." Betsy marked the items on the chart as Dixie pulled out the thermometer and frowned. "temp's 102.7" Betsy scribbled that down as Dix said, "Betsy, stay with him," and left. In a few heartbeats, she returned, a frowning Dr. Brackett right behind her. "Johnny, you told me you had 'a little fever'"

Johnny cracked open his eyes and moved his lips. Dr. Brackett moved closer as Johnny swallowed then tried again, "It was. This morning."

Kel nodded as he began pulling away bandages, checking the wounds beneath. "Dix, draw some blood, I think our boy here has started an infection somewhere." He leaned back over Johnny and looked him straight in the face. "Johnny? Can you help me out any here?"

Johnny weakly raised his left hand to his head. "My . . .my head . . .feels . . ."

Brackett examined the cuts on Johnny's cheek and neck, then paused as he touched the right side of Johnny's face and Johnny gave a cry and pulled away. Dix and Kel exchanged looks and without a word Dix handed Kel an otoscope. Kel leaned closer, touching Johnny's ear. Johnny whimpered and pulled weakly away.

"Bingo!" Kel muttered, then louder he said, "Johnny, I think your ear is infected but you have to let me look in it, all right?"

"'Kay."

Johnny's body stiffened as Kel gently began his exam. When he looked back up at Dix, his mouth twitched. "Well, it's definitely infected. Let's check the rest of those wounds just to make sure everything else is healing." He scribbled the lab requests on the sheet Betsy gave him and she took them, as well as the vials of drawn blood, off to the lab. Once he'd checked everything over, Brackett told the paramedic, "Johnny. I'm going to put you on another antibiotic. This one doesn't seem to be working."

"Good." Johnny mumbled, "made me sick."

Kel glanced at Dix then turned back to Johnny, "Are you telling me you haven't been eating?"

Johnny sighed heavily, "Tried, Doc. Stuff upset my stomach."

Kel's mouth twitched more. "You're probably dehydrated too. I bet if I sat you up right now and took your BP it'd plummet."

Johnny gave a faint nod, "Pr'bably. Don't try."

Kel grinned slightly and patted Johnny's knee. "Dix, you want to start an IV? I think our young friend here is about a quart low." He pulled a vial out of the cabinet, read the label and handed it to the nurse. "Give him 2cc of this too and some Tylenol for that fever." He turned back to Johnny. "Other than the ear, everything else looks good, Johnny. I'd like to admit you for the night though, just to make sure your fever goes down."

At this Johnny opened his eyes wide and pushed himself upward. "No. I won't stay. I . . I can't."

Both Kel and Dixie moved quickly forward, eager to prevent him from getting up. As predicted, when he sat up quickly what little color Johnny had to his face drained away. His eyes rolled back and he pitched forward. Fortunately, he fell straight into Kel's arms. Gently the nurse and doctor laid their friend back on the table and to their relief saw Johnny was already coming back around.

"You see, Johnny?" Kel chided him, "Just as I said. Dix, call upstairs and find him a room."

Johnny shook his head, wincing at the pain the motion caused. He looked up at them and again stated, "No. I won't stay. I'll . . .I'll refuse treatment."

Kel frowned, "Johnny, I don't think . . ."

"No!" Johnny's voice was almost shrill. Kel and Dix exchanged looks, they could see he was breathing harder. Without checking both knew his pulse rate and BP would be climbing. Kel's mouth twitched but he laid a calming hand on Johnny's shoulder. "Alright. Just calm down. You finish that IV and . . .and we'll discuss it, ok?"

Johnny allowed himself to relax. His head hurt, his hand was throbbing, he just hurt all over. The only thing he wanted was to go home, crawl back into his bed and become oblivious. "Kay" he muttered tiredly. Soon his eyes began to droop and then closed.

Kel exchanged a worried look with Dix before he left. Dixie sighed as she carefully took Johnny's right arm in hers, searched it for a suitable site then placed it gently on at his side before picking up his left. Finally, she palpated the median basilic vein on his upper arm, safely away from any stitched or cut areas. She applied the tourniquet, praying he wasn't so dehydrated she wouldn't get a stick, held her breath and plunged the needle in. Johnny flinched but didn't wake and the flash in the chamber told her she'd been successful. She attached the bag, started the drip with the added meds and let her breath out in another sigh. She smiled softly at the sleeping man before her, her hand going to move his sweat dampened hair from his closed eyes, "What are we going to do with you, my little phoenix? Just what are we going to do with you?"

Dixie walked slowly out of the room and over to the desk where Kel wrote busily in a chart. He looked up at her and she answered the question in his eyes. "He's sleeping now. The IV is set and the antibiotic is on board." He nodded stiffly, sighed heavily and snapped the chart shut. She laid a hand on him, "Kel?"

"I know; I'm worried too, Dix." He clicked his pen closed and jammed it into his pocket. "I don't know about you, but I need a cup of coffee." Dix nodded in agreement and the two headed for the lounge. Dix sat down at the table closest to the coffee while Kel filled two mugs.

"I don't understand it, Kel." She continued. "He's always been skittish of staying in the hospital but this . . . Kel, he was almost panicked!"

Kel looked over where his Head Nurse braced her worried face in her hand, elbow on the table and nodded in agreement. "I know. I was afraid to try and push the issue. If I had to sedate him it would only make things worse. And in his condition, it certainly wouldn't have been good."

They sipped at their coffee in silence for several moments then Dixie murmured, "I wonder . . ."

Brackett looked up, his facial expression inviting her to continue so she did. "Kel, do you think that all the strain he's been under lately, what with the way Roy has been treating him that maybe he feels uncomfortable here?"

Kel shrugged, "I'm not psychologist, Dix but I guess it's possible. That and the fact he was just here and was basically helpless could have something to do with it." He snickered slightly, "We both know how Johnny hates to feel helpless."

Dixie agreed as she sipped her drink. For several moments both were silent again, then Dixie sighed heavily. "Kel, what are you going to do? I mean, sure, he's asleep now but he'll soon wake up and he'll again insist he leaves."

Brackett sighed as well and shoved at his cup, "I know. As I said, I could sedate him and force him to stay but I doubt that would be ultimately in his best interests." He rubbed tiredly at his forehead, "Plus there's that flu sweeping through the hospital right now; I'm worried over exposing him to anything else. His system couldn't handle that on top of everything else."

"But if he leaves here, Kel . . ."

Again he sighed, "I know. I'm afraid of what would happen then as well. He's a very sick young man. He's no where near recovered from his injuries or the surgery yet. Top that off with the weight loss, well, when he said the medicines had been making him sick again." He took another drink and set his cup forcefully down on the table, "He can't afford to lose anymore weight, not now."

"I'm afraid if he leaves here, he'll close himself off completely. And then . . ." She didn't have to say what both were thinking.

The two worried medico's were unaware their actions and conversation had been carefully observed and absorbed by another. JoAnne DeSoto listened closely, her heart in her throat as she listened both to what was said and unsaid about her friend.

Hesitantly but with steel-like determination she finally stepped forward. "Excuse me, Dr. Brackett."

Both personal turned surprised faces at the petite woman. "JoAnne! I'm sorry, I forgot you were still here." Dixie exclaimed then turning to the doctor explained, "Jo brought Johnny in this morning, Kel."

JoAnne stepped closer, "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I couldn't help but overhear you." She paused as she bit her lip, "About Johnny."

Kel nodded.

"He's really sick."

Kel sighed, "Very sick."

She moved closer still and suddenly Kel jumped up and pulled out a chair for the woman. She sat with a quick smile then moved intently forward. "Please, forgive me, but I'm coming in on this a little late. I didn't even know Johnny was hurt until I arrived at his ranch. Could you sorta fill me in, catch me up, so to speak?"

Kel and Dixie exchanged glances and JoAnne's face hardened, "Look. I know that something happened between Johnny and Roy and I even think I know what started it all. I've been seeing it for the last three weeks at home and I could tell you stories about that as well. This is Johnny's welfare we are talking about and you'd better be damned sure I am concerned." She looked back and forth between the two, seeing the still hesitant expressions. "Alright, let's try this." That said, she began telling the two exactly what happened that first day when they returned from their trip and then Roy's actions over the next weeks. When she was done, both Kel and Dixie again exchanged looks.

"Just like you thought, Dix." Kel mused.

Jo looked at them and Dixie supplied, "I suspected it somehow started when Johnny took care of Jenny but we weren't sure. I don't think Johnny even knew for sure."

Jo looked down at her now cold coffee, "Oh, he knew." She remembered the look on Johnny's face when Roy had all but thrown him out of their house after his brutal interrogation over Jenny's injuries. "But I think he was so stunned at how fast . . . how

sudden and how . . ."

"Cruel?" Dixie breathed and Jo gave a sad nod as she finished, "cruelly his so called friend turned on him." She looked at the doctor then the nurse and then said, "I understand that as Roy's boss and more importantly as Johnny's doctor, you are restricted in what you feel you can say." She watched as they nodded then she finished, "Think of us, right now, as three very concerned friends, of both Johnny and Roy. Tell me and then I'll tell you how I think we can solve the problem of Johnny's future care."

The two hospital personal nodded and then Dixie began to speak. She told about what she'd seen while they'd been at the hospital and what had happened in the treatment room the day Johnny was brought in. When she was done, Brackett discussed Johnny's injuries and how he'd signed himself out of the hospital and his worry over what would happen to the young paramedic now.

Jo had tears in her eyes as she listened carefully. She took a tissue from her purse and turned away for a few moments as she gathered herself. Then, to the two medical personal's surprise she faced them with a bright smile. "I have the perfect solution. Johnny will come home with me and **I'LL** take care of him."

After the initial shock wore off, they questioned her about his care and she insisted she could care for him. "I'm a mother, Dr. Brackett, I've taken care of sick children and a sick fireman on numerous occasions. And remember, this isn't the first time Johnny has been there either. Plus Jenny will help with her Uncle."

Kel and Dix exchange looks. They all talked more, discussing the problems that had seemed to plague the dynamic duo. Finally Dixie gave a hesitant smile, "This could be the solution to the problem. One way or another. And I can check in every once in a while as well."

JoAnne smiled brightly, "Of course!" Both women looked at the physician. "Dr. Brackett?" Jo questioned with trepidation.

"Kel?"

Brackett sighed and his mouth twitched, then he looked up at the two. "Well, it's not the best of ideas and I really wish there was another solution."

"But?" Dixie pushed.

He gave a faint grin, "But it might work, it just might work."


	24. Chapter 24

Hey. Sorry so long between these. Right after I sent up the last one, I ended up in the hospital for several days. Then came finals. I've just now recouped and caught my breath. Don't worry; I have no intention of orphaning this.

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Captain Hank Stanley pulled his truck smoothly into 'his" parking spot in the back lot behind Station 51. Not that anyone had assigned parking spots, but force of habit had designated certain people to take certain spots. His gaze landed on the white Land Rover parked nearby. '_I'll have to ask one of the guys if they'll drive John's truck home for him. I doubt he's gonna be driving anywhere anytime too soon._' On that thought, a wave of sadness hit him over his youngest charge. '_Why didn't I step in and handle whatever was going on earlier? I know I couldn't have prevented John from getting injured that day, but it certainly would've helped with the fallout._'

His mind went unbidden to the scenes etched forever in his memory. He saw the blastwave fling his hapless paramedic into the squad, saw the many cuts covering the younger man well up and stream blood, saw the trainee holding John's limp body up while viciously shaking him. He shook his head to clear away the images. Then his mind turned to the conversation he'd had just the previous day with his eldest daughter. She'd come to him distraught over something that had happened at the hospital where she did volunteer work while she took classes to become a Nurse's Aid. He assumed perhaps a nurse or even a doctor had reprimanded her but was surprised out of that assumption with her first statement.

"Daddy? Are you going to transfer Mr. DeSoto or Mr. Gage?"

He'd looked at her, his surprise showing on his face. "I hadn't planned on transferring either one of them. The Doctors told me John could completely recover from his injures." Alarm made a knot in his gut. Had she overheard one of the doctors saying something different? "Why would you ask me that?"

She shrugged, suddenly intently studying her the top of her sandals. "Umm, I don't know. I just thought . . . I mean I …..oh,"

He wrapped a arm around her slender shoulders and pulled her close for a quick hug. "Why don't you take a deep breath then try engaging your brain along with your mouth to tell me."

She smiled at his reference to his constant gentle teasing for her to engage her thought processes before she tried speaking in order to stop her tendency to babble. The familiarity of this comment relaxed her and she began again, her eyes locked on his. "I just figured that if things were so bad, one would have to transfer, that's all." She dropped her gaze. "I was hoping it wouldn't be Mr. Gage." She quietly added.

He tightened his arm around her as he thought back to earlier that year when it had become apparent Kyleigh had a school girl crush on the handsome paramedic. Johnny had been the first to notice and come with hung head and sheepish grin to talk to his captain. Afterwards, with his Captain's blessing, he had talked with Kyleigh and the two since had moved onward into more of a casual friendship.

With all this in mind Hank answered, "Kyleigh, it's alright to call John by his given name. I know he's told you that. And again I ask, why would I transfer either one of them?"

She shrugged, dropped her head, bit her lip and scraped the top of her toes across the carpet in front of her.

"Kyleigh, why don't you start off by telling me why _**you**_ think one of them would be transferred?"

She hesitated, her brown eyes cast down toward her feet. He waited, knowing her well enough to know she'd eventually find words for her thoughts. "There's talk…." she began softly, "around the hospital, that is."

"Uh huh." he commented evenly.

She shrugged one shoulder then let out a heavy sigh. "I…umm…I was helping out Nurse McCall. In the ER…when…when they brought Johnny in."

Hank felt a cold chill run down his spine. He knew what his youngest crewmember had looked like when they had rushed him off in the ambulance. He also knew his daughter was fond of Gage and had treasured the friend he'd become. His heart ached to think she'd seen the young man so injured.

As he searched for the words to comfort her, she suddenly burst out, "I saw Mr. DeSoto storm into the treatment room where Dr. Early had him. I heard the awful things he screamed at him. He . . .he called Johnny immature and irresponsible. He said he didn't trust him and that he should find another job. It . . .it…" She broke off with a sob and he took her into his arms. "I'm sorry." her father told her. "I'm sorry you saw that. I know it must have been terrible."

She looked up into his face, her eyes searching his. "Why'd he do that? I thought they were friends! John. . . .Johnny was lying there, so . . . so helpless like and. . .and the doctor and nurses were trying real hard to stop him bleeding and then Mr. DeSoto just . . .just **slammed** open the door and started yelling at him and . . .and Johnny had this . . this real sad look on his face and just kept saying he was sorry and. . .and. . ."

Hank pulled her head against his shoulder as he rubbed her back while she sobbed. "Shhh, shhhh now. It's alright. I'm sorry you saw that." He repeated.

Eventually she pulled away from her father's arms and wiped at her tears. "I'm sorry I saw it too." She murmured.

Cap grimaced.

"No one knew I was still in the room. "I'd . . . I'd gone in there earlier to prep it for Ms. McCall and they just came in real fast like and . . . and I couldn't get out so I just pushed myself back in the far corner to stay out of the way." She told him. He nodded at her. She sighed again, "Daddy? I just don't understand. I thought Mr. DeSoto was friends with Johnny. How could he say that mean stuff to him while he was laying there like that?"

Her words seemed to echo even now in Hank's mind as he sighed heavily and proceeded to get out of his car. He walked across the lot slowly, relishing the gentle warmth of the sun. It wouldn't be long before it would heat up considerably as the summer progressed. He pushed open the side door and walked into the kitchen, heading straight for the coffee pot. He filled a cup, took a sip and turned around. Instantly he startled as he suddenly realized he wasn't alone. There, seated at the table, already dressed in his working blues, was his senior paramedic.

A cup of coffee sat on the table between Roy's hands which slowly turned the cup around. His shoulders were slumped forward. Dark circles ringed his eyes and his gaze stared intently a some spot just beyond the cup.

Hank noticed this all in the quick instant before he stammered his apologies, "Oh! Roy! Sorry I didn't see you there. You're in a little early aren't you?"

Roy shook himself, blinked and faced him. "Hmmm? Oh Cap. Morning. Ahh, no I'm not early, I've been here all night."

Now Cap frowned, "All night?"

Roy nodded, "Yeah, Dwyer sprained his ankle yesterday and they called me in around six."

"Oh." was all Cap managed as he took another sip of coffee. Then he asked, "Long night?"

Roy took a sip of cold coffee and grimaced, "Not for them. For me though." He stood, dumped out the cold coffee and refilled his cup with fresh. Cap had moved to sit at the table and Roy joined him. Silence reigned for several moments.

Just as Cap was getting ready to ask something else, Roy took a deep breath and began. "Cap? I want to apologize to you."

Cap's dark brows shot up. "Oh? For what?"

Roy fiddled with the cup then seemed to steel himself and faced his captain directly. "For being such a . . .a . . .well I guess Stoker said it best, for being such an ass the last three weeks."

"Oh." was all the comment Cap made. He knew his men well enough that he knew Roy would eventually tell him everything. Roy fidgeted more and nodded. "I . . .I guess Jenny's injuries affected me more than I thought it ever would. I just felt so helpless…so out of control over the whole situation." His gaze dropped back to the cup in his hands. "And I got this stupid notion that if I could control everything around me, I could prevent that from ever happening again." Silence.

Finally Roy looked up, right into his captain's brown eyes. "Roy. I can tell you. As a father I understand how you felt." Roy nodded, his stomach tense as he waited for the "but" he knew was coming.

"However, I can say that as your captain, I was one shift shy of a formal reprimand over your behavior."

Roy ducked his head, "Yes sir." He murmured.

"I take it I can be assured that until you have a white stripe on your helmet this will never happen again?"

"Yes, sir."

Cap smacked the table top. "Good." He leaned back in his chair and took a long drink from his cup. He could see Roy was still upset and he was pretty sure he knew why. When no further words were spoken, he decided to broach the subject himself.

"And when John returns, will you be able to work with him? No more doubts about his on duty responsibility or his trustworthiness? You don't think he should find another line of work?"

Roy heard the words and winced, he knew that were the words he'd screamed at the injured paramedic while he lay on a exam table nearly bleeding out. His heart skipped several beats. "I can work with Johnny, that's no dispute about that. The question is . . .can Johnny work with me?" Roy muttered mostly to himself. The more he thought about what he'd done in the ER, in front of the nurses and Early, to his severely injured self professed friend, the worse he felt. How could he face Dixie or Early again? He owed them apologies as well. And Johnny . . . well . . .

Roy closed his eyes and groaned deeply. He scrubbed his face with his hands. "God, Cap I hope we can. I've always trusted Johnny's abilities as a paramedic, no matter how I've been acting. I have no problem with working with him but . . ."

Roy looked at his captain, his sorrow clear in his eyes. "Cap. The stuff I said to him, the way I've treated him . . ." He dropped his head, "I wouldn't blame him if he never wants to see or hear from me again."

Cap nodded slowly as he leaned forward, his forearms stretched upon the table. "Maybes so. But that should be John's choice to make. I think you've spent too much time already trying to live John's life for him. You know what you now have to do."

Roy nodded.

Cap stood, "Well then, I assume that as soon as roll call is over you and whoever is your partner de jour will head over to Rampart for supplies and while you are there . . " He hinted strongly, his eyes still holding Roy's. He was surprised to see fresh pain flash in those blue eyes and even more surprised to see Roy shake his head, "Cap, I can't see Johnny at the hospital."

Roy saw the coldness creep into his Captain's gaze as he placed his hands on his hips and straightened to his full height. "Can't? Or won't." He barked.

Roy flinched as he quickly corrected. "Can't. Cap, if Johnny were there at Rampart I would've already been up to see him. In fact I tried to visit him last night after a run."

Now Cap's face showed confusion and he slightly relaxed his stance. "What do you mean?"

"Cap, Johnny's not at Rampart anymore. Dix told me last night he checked himself out AMA." Roy dropped his gaze back down to his hands still clenched around the cup of now again cold coffee.

Cap blinked. "He checked himself out?"

Roy nodded. "Wednesday afternoon."

"Was he healed enough to do that?" Cap wondered.

Roy shrugged and sighed, "From what I know of his injures, probably not."

"That must've been what Dixie's call was about," Cap mused out loud. Roy raised his head and looked at his leader, puzzlement clear on his face. Cap explained, "Dix called my house and left a message she had urgent information but that it wasn't an emergency. Maggie and I were out and didn't get back until very late. One of the girls took the message and like I said, by the time I got it, it was too late to call. I tried this morning before I came in but the nurse on duty said Dixie wouldn't be in until 7 and she had no idea what the message was."

Roy nodded his understanding.

Cap looked at his senior paramedic for several heartbeats then asked, "Well? Did you try . . ."

"I called his house last night as soon at I got back and every hour we weren't on a run up until midnight. I've been sitting here waiting to try again. Even if Johnny can't answer . . ." he stopped and took a deep breath before he continued. "There's a phone in the barn. I was hoping maybe the neighbor who sometimes helps out with his horse would be there and would answer."

A thought suddenly occurred to Roy and he looked up at his captain. "Cap how did you know . . . ?"

Cap held his gaze, his expression unreadable. Finally he answered. "Kyleigh was in the treatment room when they brought John in."

Roy felt a rush of cold descend his back as he groaned. "She heard me screaming at him." He didn't need to see Cap's curt nod to know.

"She wanted me to tell her how, if you two were such good friends, could you treat him like that – especially while he was so hurt."

"To tell you the truth, Cap, I didn't even see he was hurt. At least not until he nearly coded on them." Roy murmured, the scene again fresh in his mind; his partner's fluttering eyelids on his too pale face, the machine beeping faster with his raising pulse as his heart tried to move what little blood was left in his body. He remembered the smell of the blood, the sight of his friend's battered body and the sounds of Doctor Early's shouted orders. Roy looked back up at his captain, feeling as a father himself, the anguish he was sure Cap had felt while trying to comfort his daughter. "Cap. I'm sorry. For this whole mess, everything. I'm truly sorry. I'm sorry I've been such an ass around here. I'm sorry I tried to take control over everything. God! I'm sorry what I did to Johnny. And I'm sorry my actions put you into the position they have." He stopped and took a deep breath. " And I'll talk to Kyleigh and explain to her."

Cap gave another curt nod but dropped his hands from his hips, his eyes now only showing concern. "I'll handle Kyleigh," he told the paramedic, "I'd feel much better if you explained this to John."

Roy looked up with a trace of a smile on his face. "I intend to Cap. As soon as I can, I fully intend too." Cap slapped him on the shoulder and turned away saying, "Well I'd best head into the office and see about shift change."

Roy watched him go then stood up. He went to the sink, dumped out his cold coffee and, finding the pot nearly empty, set about making more. A soft voice from behind him startled him. "Roy."

He turned and faced the concerned blue eyes of Mike Stoker. "How much . . ."

Mike shrugged, "Enough."

Tears filled his eyes and he quickly blinked them away. "You were right, Mike." He burst out. "Goddamnit, you were right! How could I have been stupid, so self-centered. I'd tried to convince myself I was helping everyone! Now I know I was only messing everything up." He closed his eyes and dropped his head, sighing heavily. "And hurting Johnny. Believe me, the last thing I really meant to do was hurt Johnny."

Mike stepped forward, "I'm glad to hear that, Roy." Roy raised his head and faced the engineer. "But as Cap said, the one you need to talk to is Johnny."

Roy nodded and Mike was pleased to see the look of determination on his face. "And I will. Just as soon as I can find that wayward partner of mine."

Marco came in at that part and looked puzzled, "Find him?" he questioned looking from one to the other. "Why? Because I just saw him in the locker-room."

Roy shook his head and gave a faint grin realizing it felt good to say what he was about to say, "No, I mean my _real_ partner."

"Ooohhh," Marco answered, pleased that Roy seemed to be in a better mood than he'd been in several weeks. Chet exchanged glances with Marco then asked, "If you're so fired up to talk with John, why don't you just get your ass over to the hospital and do it?"

Marco glared at Chet but Roy held up his hand. "No Marco, he's gotta right to be angry. Guys, I want to apologize to you all. I've been a real ass lately and you guys got caught in it." He looked each in the eye as he again said, "I'm sorry. I understand the problem now and I'm gonna fix it."

Marco muttered something and laid a hand on his arm, Mike gave him a nod but Chet stuffed his hands into his pockets as he shifted from one foot to the other. He wasn't sure if he wanted to accept any apology, at least not until a few other things had been straightened out. "Yeah, all right. So you're sorry. I think you need to tell someone else that."

Roy nodded. "I agree. That's just what I was telling Mike. As soon as I can get a hold of Johnny, I'll work on it."

Marco looked puzzled, "What do you mean 'as soon as you can get a hold of Johnny'? Why can't you get a hold of him now?"

Roy sighed. "Johnny's not at Rampart any more. Dixie told me last night he checked himself out AMA on Wednesday and no, he's not healed enough to be on his own and yes, I've been calling his house since I found out but there's no answer."

All the rest of A-shift reacted with alarm at those words. Roy held up his hands to stave off the avalanche of questions. "I don't know much more than that."

Before anything else could be said, Cap came back into the kitchen. He looked around at his gathered crew and announced, "Roll call in 15 gentlemen," then proceeded to fill his cup with freshly brewed coffee. Chet went off to change into his uniform while both Marco and Mike filled cups of their own then divided the newspaper between themselves.

Roy remained standing by the sink, debating whether he wanted to try yet again for hot coffee or not. So lost in thought was he that he started when his captain cleared his voice beside him. "Wha..? Oh sorry Cap, you said something?"

"As a matter of fact, I did. Would you care to join the rest of us in the bay for roll call?" Cap raised one eyebrow.

Roy's face flushed as he stammered out an apology and moved past his captain into the bay.

Once the five men of his crew stood before him, Cap watched them closely although it appeared his eyes remained on the clipboard he held. Chet shifted from one foot to the other, his eyes focused somewhere above his captain's head, Marco looked down, his lips moving slightly. Craig Brice, the replacement paramedic for this shift, stood straight with his hands behind his back. Roy stood next to the other paramedic, his head turned toward the shorter paramedic and a look on his face like he'd just seen his worse nightmare come true. Mike watched his captain and his blue eyes met dark ones with a faint nod.

Cap read off the latest memo from headquarters, informed each of their household chore for the day and dismissed them. He headed toward the office for paperwork while the engine crew began their chores and the paramedics began their morning checks on the squad and it's equipment.

With the door to his office open, Cap could clearly hear the paramedics. Brice was admonishing Roy over the condition of the drug box and informing the other man that he would be driving this shift. To Cap's surprise, Roy meekly agreed.

It wasn't long after he heard the equipment being shoved back into the squad's bays that the tones rang out.

"Station 51, man trapped, 1476 North Vernon Street, 1-4-7-6 North Vernon, cross street, Albertson. Time out 08:45."

Cap scribbled down the information as he acknowledged the call. He handed one paper into the cab of the squad and saw Brice was seated at the wheel and Roy sat in the passenger side. As he ran around the front of the squad, he couldn't help a little sigh at the extremely sad look on his senior paramedic's face.

The engine followed the squad through the early morning traffic without incident. Before long, the squad pulled over off the road in front of a section of small stores. As the paramedics opened their doors, a young man rushed out the front of one store, his face flushed with excitement. "Wow Man! You guys got here like really fast"

Brice unlocked the compartments as he replied, "Yes, of course. Can you tell me what the problem is?"

"Yeah! Like Willie and I were like unloading some sh. . .uhhh, stuff off the back and all of a sudden it like whoooosh! And he was buried! Come see, man, come see!" The man ran around the back, closely followed by the paramedics and Cap. One look at the pile of bags of pet food on the dock told the rest of the story.

It was a little over an hour later when they had uncovered the other worker and began treatment. Brice had run the rescue in his usual confident manner. Roy backed him up, only nodding when Brice informed him he was to bring the squad in. He picked up the remaining medical trash as Cap trotted back up to him. "We're gonna head back to the barn now."

Roy glanced up but had trouble looking his captain in the eye as he responded, "Ok, I'm headed over to Rampart to pick up Brice as it is."

A hand on his shoulder forced him to look up as a soft voice said, "Roy?"

Roy managed to make eye contact this time and couldn't help a faint grin at the mixture of amusement and concern he saw in his leader's eyes. "I'm sorry it's Brice."

Roy nodded, "Yeah, me too. Perhaps it's poetic justice, though." Cap gave a sharp chuckle, slapped his shoulder and trotted off. Roy finished what he was doing and made his way to the squad.

As he drove the familiar roads to Rampart, he couldn't help glancing at the empty seat beside him. Almost he could see a slender figure there, hand braced against the window, dark hair blowing in the breeze as dark eyes watched the surrounding scenery. Would he ever see his partner there again?

All too soon, he pulled the squad into position but he'd barely had a chance to shut off the engine, before Brice was opening the door. "No need to come in, DeSoto. Victim is fine and we are fully stocked." He paused, a slightly sour look crossing his face. "Oh. I suppose you wanted to see Gage."

Roy shook his head as he restarted the engine. Brice looked pleased. "Good. No sense in wasting department time on personal business. The hospital staff is more than adequate to care for Gage without you checking on him,"

Roy merely nodded as he pulled out of the hospital parking lot. The rest of the trip was spent in silence so for Roy it was spent in deep thought. Before long, he was in front of the station, waiting for traffic to clear so he could back the squad into the bay. Just as he pulled off the street, the tones sounded,

"Squad 51, assist Engine 51. Possible gas leak. 26436 North Halliway. 2-6-4-3-6 north Halliway, cross street Philmore. Time out 11:10."

Brice pulled the mic off and answered as Roy pulled out again. Behind them, they heard the engine pull out behind them. Within minutes, the two vehicles pulled up to a large office building, another engine right behind them. Police cars blocked the street and officers were escorting the office workers steaming from the front door away from the potential danger area. Roy jumped from the squad and trotted quickly over to where Cap stood with Vince Howard.

"…nearly got all the floors evacuated. Gas Company said the representative should be hear any time." Vince was just finishing up. He gave Roy a nod as the paramedic halted next to them.

"Right." Cap said then turned to the two paramedics. "Quick sweep, men, to make sure everyone got the word." Both nodded and turned toward the squad to get their gear. Cap called instructions to the engine crew as he followed the paramedics.

Quickly the two suited up, Brice looking up at the building while he pulled tight his belt. "DeSoto, you take floors 4 on up. I'll get 3 and lower." And with one last nod at his current partner, Brice headed toward the building. Roy moved to follow but stopped as Cap's voice called his name. He turned around and saw by the look in his captain's eyes that they were both thinking the same thing. "Be careful in there." Cap said as he saw the acknowledgment in his senior paramedic's eyes. Then Roy was disappearing into the building on Brice's tail.

Chet and Marco watched them go from where they stood near the engine. Chet let his breath out in a heavy sigh. "Man. I just hope this goes better than last time." Marco nodded and glanced at the engineer. Seeing the frown on his handsome face, he suspected they were all remembering the same thing, the last time they had worked with Johnny.

Although time seemed to drag out for the searching paramedic, Roy knew it had been only minutes since they had entered the building. The 4th and 5th floor had been clear, all the offices abandoned. He was now on the 6th floor, noticing that there were only four offices on this floor and two bathrooms. He began his sweep, loudly calling, "Fire Department! Is there anyone here?"

As he took a breath, he caught the smell. It was faint but it hadn't been on the other floors. He opened the door to the second office, carefully but quickly made his search before marking the door. The third and the fourth were likewise empty so he moved toward the lady's restroom first, calling out loudly before entering. It was very nicely furnished with a sitting area before the area with the sinks and actual stalls. He checked each and then left the room. He crossed into the men's restroom calling again. He stopped as he saw a wide eyed teen appear from near the urinal. "Is there really a fire?!" The boy stuttered out as his wide eyes swept up and down the turnout covered figure before him. Roy quickly verified there was no one else in the room before grabbing the teen's thin arm and pulling him toward the door. "Not yet. Didn't you here the evacuation order?"

Roy could feel the teen's trembling as he moved them both toward the stairs. "Nooo, I mean yeah. I heard it. I mean, my friend told me but I thought he was sh . . .I mean fooling around." The teen's words were becoming breathy as Roy raced them down the stairs. As he reached the lobby and crossed it, he could see out the large glass doors where Brice stood beside Cap. Some internal device warned him and with a firm grip on the teen's arm, Roy ran full out for the doors.

His back prickled as he expected to be hit with a blast at any second. His mind flashed to the vision of his partner's body being flung into the squad and he winced. But the expected explosion didn't happen and soon he stood beside his captain, breathing hard.

Vince took the teen from Roy as the paramedic struggled to get his breath. "Cap. Smelled gas on 6th. Faint. All clear."

Cap nodded, "Right. The representative has come and everything is shut down. Now we'll just have to ventilate." He raised his handi-talkie to his mouth as he began giving orders to do just that.

Brice turned toward Roy. "We had a few minor injuries from the workers, mostly some scrapes and bruised from falls. Everyone has been taken care of."

Roy nodded, knowing now they only had to wait, hoping their skills wouldn't be needed.

Suddenly the sound of metal on metal caught their attention and both paramedics' heads turned. A driver, distracted by trying to see what all the excitement was about hadn't watched where they were driving and ended up ramming one of the squad cars blocking off the streets. Cap waved to the two, "Go! We'll get your gear." He turned and order two of the other firefighters on the scene as the paramedics raced toward the collision.

As they got closer, they could see a police officer laying in the street, another officer bent over him while two more cautioned the driver to stay still. "I'll get the driver." Brice informed him as he headed that direction. Roy kneeled by the officer and smiled reassuringly.

"Hi. I'm Roy. Where do you hurt?"

The officer, an older man with grey streaked hair grimaced, "Tony. Ahhhwww, my knee mostly. Durn, stupid . . . . I know better than to lean against a car being a barricade. When it got hit, it sent me straight into the pavement."

Roy moved his hands over the man's head even as he noticed his breathing was normal and his color good. "You hit your head? Blackout any?"

The man shook his head as Roy grabbed his wrist for a pulse. "Nahhh, like I said, it shoved me forward. Hit my knees and hands then down for a face kiss." Roy noticed the palm of the hand he held had minor scrapes on it.

Roy moved his hand to the officer's abdomen next as one of the firemen dropped the trauma box next to him. He pulled the pad out of his pocket and wrote the counted respirations and pulse in it. As he pulled out the BP cuff, he told the man, "I'm gonna get a bp now."

As he opened the cuff and begin securing it to the officer's upper arm, the car behind them shifted suddenly. Instinctively Roy moved himself between it and his patient. When he did, he dropped his hand down, unfortunately near the car's wheel.

Then it shifted again and the wheel trapped Roy's hand between it and the ungiving pavement. Roy couldn't stop the involuntary cry of pain right before everything went grey.


	25. Chapter 25

The door to the treatment room opened slowly and two figures advanced toward the bed. Johnny moved his head slightly, aware on some level that he was no longer alone but still too out of it to be considered fully alert.

Dixie pushed on forward and inspected the bag hanging above the paramedic. She nodded to herself to see it was nearly empty. She next laid a hand on Johnny's shoulder and gently shook him while softly calling his name.

More head movements then slowly his eyelids cracked open, revealing dull brown orbs. "Dix?" he questioned faintly.

Dixie smiled, "Hiya, handsome. You're nearly done here."

He looked up at the IV bag over his head then back at her, "Go home?" His voice remained thin and weak and Dixie felt her stomach tighten at the childlike pleading in it. She squeezed his shoulder. "Not really. Johnny . . ."

His eyes opened wider and he pulled away from her slightly as he shook his head. "Not stayin'" he muttered. "Won't stay."

"Calm down, Johnny. Kel isn't going to make you stay." She soothed.

Jo stepped forward with a smile on her face for her friend. "Johnny, Dr. Brackett agreed to let you stay at my house. Don't worry, between Jenny and myself we'll take real good care of you."

Johnny blinked at her, and Jo noticed his eyes still seemed glassy and fever-bright. She glanced at Dixie and moved closer. "Johnny? Do you understand what I said?"

He nodded. Again the two women exchanged looks. But as Jo opened her mouth to speak again, Johnny's face fell into a look of uncertainty. "Your house?"

She nodded and smiled, "That's right, Johnny."

The puzzled look only deepened, "But . . . but Roy won't . . . He doesn't . .." He was shaking his head again, then winced in pain. Jo reached forward and laid a hand against his fever reddened cheek and stroked it gently.

It felt good; soft and cool against his fevered skin. His head hurt, his eyes hurt, his hands throbbed and what little strength he had had seeped away. He knew he should protest more but he just didn't care enough to make the effort. His ringing ears barely registered her sharp words. "You let me worry about that husband of mine, Johnny. The only thing we want from you is for you to get better."

Johnny's eyes fell to half-mast as his head sagged against her hand. Then slowly they closed and he was still. Jo kept her hand on his cheek, stroking it and his temple gently as she would one of her children and felt his respirations deepen again with sleep. As she watched him, a myriad of thoughts ran through her head. '_Oh, Johnny, what does Roy think he's doing? Can't he see how he's hurt you?_'

She watched as Dixie injected something into the IV port, flushed it through, then stood back and looked at her charge. She suddenly seemed to remember the other woman and looked up at her with a smile. "Kel ordered something for pain relief." she told Jo. "Ear infections can be quite painful and I'm sure with all his other injures he's doubtless feeling pretty rotten." She patted Johnny's arm, then ushered her friend out the door. "He'll probably sleep for a few more hours now. If you want to head home, I can call you when he's ready to be released."

"No, I'll just stay here." Jo grinned at the nurse's look and pulled the paperback from her purse. "I've nowhere to go, nothing to do and a book I've been waiting to read. I think I'll just head off to the cafeteria to find a quiet corner and glass of iced tea."

Dixie chuckled and glanced at her watch. "Well, we've been so busy I never got any breaks and admin has been on my case about overtime hours so I'm off shift at 2. I'll get you then and help you get our boy resettled at your house."

Jo shook her head at her, "You don't need to do that, Dixie."

Dixie took the other woman's elbow as she lead her away from the closed treatment room door. "It's not a problem. Besides, I think you'll probably need a hand getting him into the house. We can have an orderly help get him into the car but I think he'll be too much for you to handle later. In his condition, he won't be able to help you much himself."

Jo nodded with a sigh as she acknowledge the truth behind the nurse's words. She also remembered how much of an effort it had been to get Johnny into the hospital. "Thanks Dix." She raised her book and smiled, "Well, the brave detective of Saltwater Creek is calling." With a last laugh she headed off.

Dixie watched her go with a smile on her face, then bent back over her desk, applying herself once more to the stack of charts there.

It seemed to the busy nurse that she'd just looked back down at her charts when a voice called her name as a hand touched her elbow. Gloria Winters, another older RN smiled at her. "Hey Dix. Gee, those charts must be some fascinating reading. You didn't hear me at all, did you."

Dixie smiled at the other nurse. "Well, I don't know about being fascinating or not. After all, they **are** charts." She laughed. Then she proceeded to give her replacement the shift change briefing. She ended with, "Johnny Gage is in Treatment 4." At the raised eyebrows, she nodded and sighed. "Yes, I know but he checked himself out Wednesday AMA then called this morning to let us know he'd started a fever."

"Well at least he had the good sense to come back, even if he left too soon to begin with." Gloria muttered. Dix couldn't help but agree. "Dr. Brackett has him on a drip, he was a little dehydrated, and he put him on different antibiotics for an infection in his ear. He was finished with that when I last checked and was just sleeping off the pain meds." She shuffled through the charts, pulled one out and after flipping it open began marking in it.

She finished marking the chart, flipped it shut and handed it to Gloria with a smiled, "It's all yours! Johnny will be leaving as soon as he's awake enough to get into a wheelchair." She chuckled at the frown Gloria gave and patted her shoulder, "I know and I agree. But at least he'll be going to the DeSoto's; not home."

Gloria brightened at that bit of news. "That's good. That partner of his will make sure he gets better in no time."

Dix couldn't help another quick prayer at that comment, glad that Gloria had bent her head back to the stack of charts and didn't see the frown. '_God, I hope so. I hope Roy's changed his attitude more even from the last time I saw him_.'

She checked on Johnny again, found him still deeply asleep and took his temp from under his arm. She frowned as she shook the thermometer back down and placed it into the alcohol. '_Still up there, Phoenix. When I get you awake we'll have to give you something more for that_.' Her belly grumbled and she looked at her watch. The ER was quiet, Johnny was out and she was off duty. She shrugged, '_Might as well get something to eat when I get JoAnne in the cafeteria_.' With one last look at her friend, she left the room. She made a quick stop at the pharmacy to pick up the meds Brackett had ordered for Johnny then headed toward the cafeteria. She made her way quickly through the line, choosing the noodle casserole, a small salad and a bowl of fresh fruit for desert. She completed the meal with a tall glass of tea. Once she'd paid for her purchases, she headed for the secluded table where she'd earlier spotted Jo.

"Looks like you've found a good spot," She greeted JoAnne as she sat down. JoAnne looked up with a smile and closed her book. "How's Johnny now?" She asked and Dixie smiled, pleased to hear that be her first question.

"Still sleeping when I last checked him. However, his fever is still up there too," Dixie answered as she applied herself to her dinner. JoAnne noticed the paper bag with the pharmacy label on it that Dixie had laid on the table along with her purse. "These Johnny's meds?"

Dixie nodded, then began giving directions for their dispensing. "That one, there, yes, that's the antibiotic. He'll get that twice a day, try and make sure he has something in his stomach when he takes it if you can. Just a couple of crackers or a glass of milk will work. That smaller bottle, that's the pain meds. He can have that every 4 hours as needed. Try not to let too long go between doses. Pain will wear his body down and he doesn't need any more help in that department. You can give him Tylenol for the fever as needed." Jo nodded as she repeated each order back. "OK, I think I've got it."

Dixie smiled again, "well, I'm finished here. Shall we go see if we can rouse Sleeping Beauty?"

Jo giggled as she put her book into her purse then grabbed up the meds. "Sleeping Beauty huh. So who gets to awake Beauty with a kiss? You or me?"

Dixie laughed, "I think if either one of us kisses him awake, he'd probably then die from shock and embarrassment." Jo snickered as she nodded in agreement.

As they approached the treatment room where Johnny was, Dixie held up her hand in a 'wait' motion then quickly stepped over to a supply closet. She returned with some folded articles and answered Jo's unspoken question. "Scrubs will be a lot easier to get him into and more comfortable for him at your house than the jeans and shirt he wore in."

Jo giggled then clapped her hands and playfully whispered, "Oh Goody! We get to play dress up with Sleeping Beauty as well!"

Dix eyed her warily, "JoAnne DeSoto, you are a wicked woman." She grinned broader, "I admire that in a friend!"

Jo shrugged, "Well I try. You know my husband doesn't let me out much to play with others so I have to get my fun when I can." The two were still chuckling as they pushed the door open. Both immediately sobered as they looked on their sleeping friend.

Jo sighed heavily and Dixie laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. Jo turned and smiled wanly at her friend. "Don't worry," Dixie assured her, "we'll have him back on his feet soon."

Jo clasped Dixie's hand where it lay on her shoulder. "You bet we will." She agreed. Dixie moved forward, laying the scrubs on the edge of the table while she moved to Johnny's head. She gently shook his shoulder as she called, "Johnny? Johnny open your eyes for me."

Johnny moved his head and took a deeper breath. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked several times until his vision cleared. "Dix?" He questioned then looked beyond her at the other smiling face gazing down at him. "Jo? What's going on?" He looked around, confused. "Rampart . . . I was hurt? Roy. Is Roy ok?" His eyes were wide and he tried to sit up quickly but stopped groaning when the action pulled his various stitches and made the pounding in his head strengthen.

Dix placed a gentling hand on his chest. "Relax Johnny. You're fine and Roy's fine. He's on duty right now. You came in this morning with a fever, remember?"

Johnny closed his eyes with another groan as his left hand came up. He tried to rub his aching head but the roughness of the plaster touching his still burn-sensitive skin made him drop it with a hiss. "I remember. Can I go home now?"

Dix nodded, "That's what we're here for. Hold on while I remove this IV." She quickly pulled the needle and placed a piece of gauze over the site. She looked at Johnny's cast hands then turned with a smile to her friend. "Jo, can you hold pressure on this for a moment? Thanks."

Jo moved forward, smiling widely at Johnny. "Of course." She placed her left hand firmly over the site after Dixie taped it down and her right fingers closed around the fingers extending from Johnny's cast.

"Now handsome, let's get these wounds dressed again and then we're outta here!" The nurse teased him.

Jo tried not to look horrified as Dixie pulled back the sheet and then Johnny's gown, exposing the uncovered wounds on his arms and torso. Dark bruises marked his body around and between the myriad of lacerations and stitched wounds. To the untrained woman it seemed there wasn't an area on his front not injured somehow. With effort, she focused back on Dixie as the nurse showed her how to bandage each stitched wound.

Once the stitched areas were redressed, Dixie gently touched his neck and looked over his arms. Johnny sucked in a breath as she did and couldn't help flinching. "Burns still a little sore?"

He shrugged, "A little." He admitted. Dixie removed a blue container from the glass cabinet and opened the top. She poured some of the viscous liquid onto the tray then used a piece of gauze to smear the silvery stuff over the burns. Johnny couldn't contain the sigh that escaped him when the medicine touched his burning skin and instantly cooled the fire there. Dixie smiled at him, "That silvidine feels great doesn't it?'

Johnny gave her a lop-sided grin in answer. "Now, your legs." Dixie smoothed the sheet back over his chest and hips before she exposed his thighs. She quickly covered the stitched areas there as well. Once she was done, she grabbed the scrub pants and shook them out. Johnny saw what she intended and blushed deeply.

"Dix, I can do that." he protested. Dixie tilted her head in disbelief. "And not end up flat on your face?"

He blushed deeper but grabbed them away from her and glared at the two women watching him. When they didn't move, he raised one brow and asked, "Do you mind?"

They exchanged giggles and looks as they made a show of turning around. Grunts and the sound of movement with cloth came from behind them then Johnny's voice announced, "Ok."

When they turned back, Johnny was sitting up on the edge of the table and had just finished tying the drawstring around his slim waist. Dixie shook out the shirt and helped him guide it over his head and down his injured arms. She smiled and patted his knee. "Wait right here."

She left and Jo faced Johnny again. "Johnny, you do remember our deal, right?"

Johnny dropped his gaze to his bare feet and sighed, "Yeah."

Jo's face took on a pained look over the defeat she heard in his voice in just that word. "Oh Johnny. I wish it didn't have to be this way. I really wish you could go home to your ranch but . . ."

Johnny held up a hand to stop her, "I know. I heard. And I know there's no way Brackett would let me." He gave a short chuckle, "To be honest, I was kinda surprised to wake up and not find myself sedated, restrained and admitted." He looked up at her and she couldn't help but notice there was no life in his dark eyes. "Roy . . ."

Jo frowned, "I told you before and I'll say it again, Johnny Gage. You leave my husband to me."

Johnny sighed, his shoulders slumped. To tell the truth, he barely had the energy left to remain sitting upright. He had no fight left in him, and no desire to fight as well. He remained that way, head down, eyes closed even as Dixie re-entered the room with a wheelchair and an orderly. Jo had noticed his bare feet and had once again put his tennis shoes on him. Now with Dixie on one side and the orderly on the other, they carefully helped Johnny step off the table and swivel into the chair. Jo noticed that his legs trembled as he did and his face looked pale under the fever-reddened cheeks.

Dixie handed Jo the bag containing Johnny's clothes and together they followed the wheelchair out of the room.

They were headed down the hall when Johnny held up his hand, "Uhh, wait. Troy can we take a side trip? Ummm, IV fluid uhh. . .."

Troy grinned as he realized what the paramedic meant, "Gotcha Gage, Excuse us for a moment ladies. We'll be right back." At Dixie's understanding nod, Troy wheeled Johnny into the restroom. Before long they were back and the little group was headed out the door. Troy and Dixie again helped Johnny stand then get into the passenger seat while Jo put his clothes and meds in the back seat then went around back to lift the hatch. After Johnny was settled and while Dixie was helping make sure he was buckled in, Troy collapsed the wheelchair and placed it in the wagon's back. He shut the hatch firmly then went back around and slapped Gage's arm through the window. "Luck Gage. Hope to see you back in your blues soon." Johnny gave him a weak grin in return.

Dixie looked at Jo and said, "I'll go get my car and meet you back at your house in a bit." Once they were both gone, Jo turned over the engine then smiled again at Johnny. But the dark haired man had placed his head back in the headrest and had closed his eyes. Jo settled for placing a hand on his exposed fingers. She squeezed them gently then concentrated on leaving the parking lot.

As she drove, she thought about what she needed to do when she got home. It was only going to be her and Johnny for supper since Jenny would be spending the night and Chris was off with the Boy Scouts. She realized the left over pot roast from the night before would make great sandwiches and she remembered a bag of unopened chips still above the fridge. She glanced at Johnny who for all intensive purposes looked asleep again. She knew he'd soon be due for his meds and remembered what Dixie had said. On impulse she swung into a fast food drive thru.

As she paid for the purchases and turned to place the bag beside her, dark eyes caught her attention. She smiled and handed him a large sweating cup. "Here, this will make you feel better, Johnny"

He took it and brought the straw to his dry lips. He sucked and cool sweet thick liquid filled his mouth. He swallowed several times, pulling the satisfying fluid into his mouth and down his hot throat. When he finally stopped for air, he looked up and saw Jo grinning happily at him. "Good." he told her. "Thanks"

She sipped her own drink then placed it in the holder by her side. "I remembered how much you like malts and since it's too hot for coffee I remembered this place has great Jamocha shakes."

Johnny nodded as he sipped again at the cooling fluid. It certainly did feel good both on his empty stomach and his overheated body. He continued to enjoy the drink as they headed homeward.

Dixie's car was parked on the street so that Jo could easily get into the garage when they entered the cul-de-sac of the DeSoto house. Jo hit the button for the garage door as she swung the car into the drive. Dix walked up as the car stopped. She flipped up the hatch and pulled out the chair as Jo first unlocked the door to the house then walked around to the passenger side where Johnny had unbelted himself and opened the door. Part of him wanted to argue with the two women that he could do this but then he felt the tremors in his arms and legs.

As if reading his mind, Dix glared at him and said, "It'll be easier to assist us in doing this than it will be if we have to try to pick you up off the floor after you fall."

With a resigned sigh, Johnny put out his arms and felt Dixie grasp him firmly under the arm and around his back. She pulled him upward and he assisted her as much as his shaking legs let him. He was pale and sweating when he finally collapsed a few moments later into the wheelchair. Dixie wheeled him around the car and into the house while Jo ran on ahead. By the time Dixie had wheeled him down the hallway, Jo had stripped the cover off the daybed in her sewing/sunroom and had placed several large fluffy pillows on one end of it, making sure Johnny's right side was against the back leaving his better ear outward. Together the two women got him into the bed and Johnny laid back in exhaustion.

"Wait Johnny, don't go to sleep yet." He heard Dixie tell him and with great effort he pried his eyes back open. Dixie started to stick a thermometer into his mouth, but he turned his head. Dixie glared at him, "John Gage, I . . ."

"Won't be right; Jo just treated me to a shake in the car."

Jo, who had been removing his shoes, looked sternly at him as well when he interrupted Dixie's scold but turned it to an apologetic smile at his quiet explanation.

Dixie backed off. "I'm sorry, Johnny. You're right, of course, it wouldn't do any good to check it orally right now. We'll just have to settle for an axillary one." She tucked the thermometer into the crease of his armpit then set about taking his pulse. Johnny blinked lazily at her, more out of it than aware. She took the thermometer out and frowned at the reading. "101.4. Johnny, I'm going to give you more Tylenol and your pain medicine." Johnny only nodded. He hadn't realized his eyes had again slid shut until he felt her shake his shoulder. He took the tablets she handed him and threw them into his mouth. Dixie helped him sit up more as Jo then offered him a glass of cold milk and he eagerly drained it. He settled back with a sigh, his eyes again closed.

"There now, you get some sleep." Jo told him as she draped a light sheet over his legs to prevent a chill. "We'll have dinner in a few hours."

Johnny didn't answer and both women suspected he was again asleep. They left the room, pulling the door partly closed behind them. Jo had pulled the heavy drapes, making the room comfortably dimmed and turned on the ceiling fan to give the air some movement.

Jo turned to Dixie as they left the sunroom and headed back down the hall. "Do you have time for a cup of coffee?"

Dixie looked at her watch then shook her head, "I really don't; can I have a rain check on that Jo? I desperately need to get home and do some laundry before I have to show up next shift naked."

Jo laughed, "That'll definitely get some attention. Alright and yes, you can have a rain check. Good anytime!"

Dixie smiled. "I'll be by some time tomorrow, just to check on our patient again."

Jo followed her to the door. "Thanks again Dix."

Dixie laid a hand on her elbow, "No. Thank YOU for being a good friend to Johnny."

Jo looked down the hallway and sighed, "I love him like a little brother." She murmured. When she faced the nurse again, her eyes flashed with anger. "I don't know what's gotten into that husband of mine but you better believe I'm gonna find out and put a stop to this! This has gone far enough."

Dixie smiled and patted her arm. "I'm only a phone call away." She too looked down the hall and hesitated, "If his fever gets worse or he starts throwing up or shows any other signs of problems . . ."

Now Jo smiled as she nodded, "You'll be the first one I call." Then she paused, "Or maybe the second, right after I call for a squad."

Dixie laughed as she exited. "Good girl."

Jo watched her drive away then turned back into the living room. She walked down the hall and stood where she could watch Johnny sleep. As she gazed at him, he shifted his weight; his face twisting into a grimace that she somehow knew he'd never allow if he were awake. The springs on the daybed squeaked softly in protest and she smiled in memory. "I'll know when you're better, Johnny. You'll start complaining about that squeak, just like you have before." She'd never tell him that she refused to let Roy WD40 them because it let her know when whomever she was nursing was waking and might need her. Over various bouts of flu, chicken pox, and viruses along with a diverse mixture of strains, sprains and broken limbs, she'd become tuned to those springs. She watched him re-settle, his eyes never opening or even fluttering.

She moved forward and laid the back of her hand on his forehead. It was still very warm, not as hot as it had been when she'd taken him in that morning, but still enough she could see the beads of perspiration there. She left, gathered what she needed and returned. She took the soft washcloth, wet it well, wrung it mostly out, folded it into thirds then wiped his face with it. Once that was done, she repeated the process only this time she left it on his forehead. She stood, then left the room, again closing the door just enough so she could still see him from the hall.

She entered the kitchen and glanced up at the clock. '_Only 4:30? Still too early for dinner but I'm alittle hungry._' She opened the fridge and quickly decided on a cup of yogurt with fruit on the bottom and a couple of cinnamon graham crackers. She stirred the fruit up into the yogurt as she sat at the table, staring out into her backyard as she ate her snack. A soft furry touch on her elbow pulled her thoughts back and she smiled down into huge pleading blue eyes. "Alright, Mousie. I know. I'll let you lick the container when I'm done." The Siamese meowed her thanks and began her pre-snack bath. Jo did as she promised and laughed as the cat scooted the container over until it was trapped by the table before she reached a paw into it and began licking off the treat.

"Let me know when you're finished so I can rinse it out and throw it away." She told the purring cat. She looked out the sliding glass doors while sipping her coffee as she planned out the meals over the next few days. She continued sharing her ideas with the cat. "Johnny's face and jaw must be hurting from the infection and all those cuts. I know that when the kids have an ear infection, they don't want to chew a lot because of that. I guess I'll need to fix soft things he can eat easily. With only three fingers to use and those on his left hand as well that eliminates stuff like hamburgers and sloppy joes. Too hard to handle and too messy for his casts." She sighed, "He's so thin, much too thin. We've got to get some meat back onto his poor bones." She shook her head sadly at what she'd seen of his body back at the hospital. The sight of his many cuts and wounds was frightening enough but the way his joints and ribs jutted upward barely under his skin had worried her more.

A sudden inspiration hit her and she jumped up, racing over to her pantry. She counted the boxes there with growing excitement. "Great! I have four left and most are his favorite flavors." She smiled down at the cat who now snooped into the area she was rarely allowed into. "Every mother knows when a kid has a fever, you give them jello water! It helps hydrate them and gives them something to run off of."

She snickered, "You know, Roy rolls his eyes when I do this with the kids, but then he agreed that it was probably better than kool-aid and it did get them to drink. What was it he called it?" She scrunched up her nose as she tried to remember then nodded, "oh yes, he called it oral D5W with flavoring!"

Before long, she had the mixture stirred up well and in a small picture in the fridge. Next she searched the cabinets for the proper cup. Finally she found it pushed back behind her other Tupperware. It had a lid on it that had its own cap. One could sip out of the small opening or place a long segmented straw into it. She only used it when Roy, herself or one of the kids were sick. She stood a moment looking at it. "I remember using this for Johnny once before. You remember, Mousie, back when he came here for awhile after he had that terrible virus?" She shook her head as the sad memories of those tense fear-filled days flooded her mind. "Roy was so worried and so was I. We . . we almost lost him then."

She looked down as the cat rubbed her ankle then reached up and gently tapped her leg. "Oh, that's right. You weren't even born then. Well, take it from me, that was terrible. It took Johnny quite a while to really get back to full strength." She took a sip from her coffee cup then made another quick decision.

She took the cup, carefully rinsed it out, then filled it with some of the jello water. She carried it down the hall and placed it on the bedside table. Mousie accompanied her and jumped daintily up on the bed. She sniffed Johnny carefully, holding her mouth open as she registered the odd smells. Then she walked up the bed the length of his body, stopping every so often for more sniffs. Jo watched her and cautioned, "Now Mousie, he's hurt. Don't you climb on him."

The cat looked up at her, one ear laid back as if to say '_I can see that and I had no such thought'_ Then she nuzzled Johnny's neck and carefully curled up on the pillow by his head, purring loudly as she stared at him. Jo smiled at the site of her new nursing assistant.

Johnny hadn't moved since the last time she'd checked on him. His breathing was still deep and regular. She rewet the cloth and replaced it. She was still standing there, lost in thought as she watched him sleep when a loud knock on her door brought her thoughts home. Again she left the room, leaving the door just open and the cat on guard.

The knocking persisted and now a voice was added, "Jo? JoAnne! Are you home? I saw the car in the garage; are you alright?"

Jo sighed. She knew that voice; it was Tammy Kent. While the woman was 'ok' there was a lot about her that reminded Jo of the cactus her sister had given her. While Jo loved her sister and loved plants and the cactus was nice, she'd learned after awhile to hate it. This cactus had very fine, almost hair like needles and every time she got near the thing, one of those needles somehow got under her skin. Once there, she could feel it in but couldn't see it or get a good hold on it to get it back out until it irritated the surrounding flesh so much it infected. Then once the infection was lanced, the needle would reappear. Roy finally made her give the plant away after the tenth time of providing the needed treatment.

'_Well, nothing to do but grin and bear it'_ she thought then couldn't help but chuckle, _'At least Roy doesn't have to cut her out of me after each time we get together'_. With that on her mind bringing a real smile to her face, she opened the door.

"Tammy! How nice to see you!" She said and as she expected, before she could say anything else, Tammy pushed her way past her and into the room.

"Oh, Jo. I'm so glad you're home! I really have missed my shopping buddy. There have been some really wonderful sales I didn't get to because of you." She poised on the edge of a chair. "But that's over now." She motioned Jo toward the bedrooms. "Well? Don't just stand there. Go get ready! Change, grab your purse and let's go! There's a fantastic sale on tonight over at Mitsy's Closet then I thought we'd catch that movie over at the a new cinema. You know which one, the one all the critics are just raving over? And then we'll have a late dinner at Rickies." She babbled excitedly. She paused as she noticed Jo hadn't moved. "Jo, why aren't you going? Come on already! All the good stuff will be gone if we don't get there soon. The sale is only for tonight!"

JoAnne glanced back down the hall as she leaned against the wall. "It sounds like fun, Tammy, it really does, but I just can't today. I already have plans for this evening."

Tammy frowned, "Plans? But when I talked to you the other night you said you were looking forward to doing nothing today." She held up one hand and ticked off the fingers on it with the other hand. "Chris is at scout camp already, Roy is on duty and Jenny is spending today and tomorrow with your sister." She raised her hands. "So, what plans?"

Jo shrugged slightly, "That was the plan before I got a call this morning that changed everything. A friend is sick and I promised to help out." She smiled fondly as she thought about Johnny. '_It's good to be helping __him__ for a change after everything he's done for us.'_

Tammy's frown deepened, "A 'sick friend'?" She put a strange accent on the wording but Jo ignored it. Just then the springs to the daybed squeaked as Johnny shifted, trying to ease the discomforts in his body. A faint moan echoed from the room. '_He must have moved wrong_.' Jo thought as her head automatically turned in his direction. "Excuse me a moment." She told Tammy even as she turned down the hall.

Johnny had his eyes partly opened when she entered and smiled at him. She laid a hand on his forehead, feeling the sweat and the heat there. "Hey. Try to lie still, Johnny, I know you still hurt. It's not quite time yet for more pain meds. Can you wait?"

He nodded and tried to speak but only gave out a slight croaking noise from his dry throat. Instantly, Jo had the straw to the cup she left by his bedside on his lips. "Drink slowly, Johnny. It's jello water." She smiled tenderly at him, "Black Cherry, your favorite." He drank from the cup but his eyes had settled on something behind her.

When she replaced the drink on the table, she took the now heated cloth from his forehead, rinsed it, wrung it out slightly then placed it back on his forehead. She kept her hand there for several moments, gently stroking his temple. As she did, she was faintly aware that Mousie had lifted her head up as well and low growls now vibrated from her throat.

"Mousie stop or I'll make you leave." She scolded the cat then turned her attention back to her patient. "Relax Johnny, just relax" She soothed. But he remained slightly tense, his gaze fixed over her shoulder. She wondered why Johnny still didn't look at her but just as she was getting ready to ask him, he sighed deeply and his eyes slid shut.

Jo stood up, her gaze still on him, her thoughts warm and private. Then an hand firmly grasped her elbow and she was pulled from the room quickly; the door firmly shut once they were in the hall. She turned to protest this behavior and to find out who had her. As she registered the face and the disdain she saw there, her own eyes lit with a fire in response. "Just what do you think you are doing?" She growled in much the same manner as the cat had earlier as she wrenched her arm out of the tight grasp and crossed her arms over her chest. "And you better come up with one hellofa good reason as well!"


	26. Chapter 26

Thanks so much for all the feedback. Remember, feedback is the fuel for fingers. I must reiterate that the main characters from the TV show Emergency aren't mine. Neither are the brand names, Jello, Tupperware or those wonderfully delightful shakes from Arby's (Sigh, I wish I could still have them). I look carefully for errors but they still sneak in. I've corrected so many from the story previously posted I probably should redo it all. Some of you catch them for me as well. Most make me giggle (Thanks. picture vr pitcher had me ROFL.) Here's more Kent to hate! Enjoy!

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Roy looked up from the gurney in the back of the ambulance and glared at Brice. "I told you we didn't need to tie up an ambulance, you could've taken me in the squad."

"Rampart ordered an IV. You nearly lost consciousness on scene." Brice stated in his matter-of-fact tone. "The fire department never meant for squads to transport patients. If they had, they would be built more like an ambulance." He pinned his reluctant patient with a steely disproving gaze and shook his head. "Seriously, DeSoto. This injury and your actions are what I would expect from your oft juvenile partner, not an experienced rescueman like you."

Nothing else Brice could've said could've quieted Roy more than to remind him of Johnny. He still hadn't been able to reach his errant partner and was really beginning to worry. He had decided to ask Cap once they were done at the apartments if he could drive over to John's ranch to check on him. He had chilly visions of Johnny lying helpless out in his corral or unconscious at the base of his stairs or in his barn. He knew Cap would've probably agreed as long as they stayed available. However, he also knew Brice would protest the "misuse" of time and resources.

That thought was moot now, he was flat on his back on a gurney, in an ambulance and on his way to Rampart. He sighed heavily. Brice looked at him, frowned and opened his mouth to speak. However, whatever bit of wisdom he was about to impart was forever lost as both felt the ambulance stop and then begin to back up.

The back of the ambulance opened and his gurney was hauled out. He grinned weakly up at Mike Morton who merely frowned down at him while listening to Brice rattle off his vitals. He was quickly and efficiently moved from the gurney onto the exam table, then the two attendants grinned at him.

"Later DeSoto."

"Yeah, Roy, try ta not make this a habit." The dark skinned man winked at him. Roy grinned back, "I'll take you up on that advice." He raised his other hand in a weak wave, "Bye Tim, Rodge, Thanks."

The nurse who was trying to capture that arm to get a bp glared at him and sheepishly he let it fall by his side. She wrapped the cuff quickly around and pumped it up. While she was occupied, Roy looked around the room and realized that other than Morton, he didn't know anyone.

As if he could read Roy's mind, Mike grinned, "Nope. You get just me. Joe's off today and Kel's been busy with meetings."

Roy gave the intern a small smile and opened his mouth but with another grin, Mike added, "Dixie's probably headed home by now, her shift just ended." Then his attention focused on the hand. "Want to tell me how this happened?"

Roy groaned and wiped his right hand down his face. "I feel rather foolish about it." He admitted after he explained to the resident about the accident. "The cop didn't even need to come in but I did."

Morton grinned again, "Well, DeSoto, I have to say I'm a bit surprised to hear this. It sounds more like something I'd expect to happen to Gage." He shook a good natured finger at the downed paramedic, "Just because Gage is laid up right now, doesn't mean you need to take his place! You guys bring us enough business off the streets to occupy our time." Mike didn't see the wince his patient gave at the mention of Johnny's name as he glanced toward the door and then leaned forward to whisper conspiratorially, "Or did you do this to get out of working with Brice while Johnny is out?"

Roy felt himself grin at that, "Well, the thought did cross my mind." Then he hastily added, "But not until after I was hurt."

Morton chuckled again as he gently examined the injured hand. "Well Roy, I think it's a safe bet that you'll get a few shifts off over this. I've asked Dr. Bent . . .Ah! Here he is now!"

Both turned to watch as the door was shoved open and Ken Bentley strode in. He took one look at the figure reclining on the exam table and put his hands on his hips and sighed loudly. "Well now Batman, just because Robin injured his hands and was under my expert care doesn't mean you should copy him."

Morton chuckled as Roy rolled his eyes. Ken stepped forward and begin his exam. "You know, I don't give family discounts." He drolly stated as he turned the hand this way and that.

This earned the good doctor another eye roll and a sigh. Then the surgeon went all serious as he careful tested various finger function and pushed here and poked there. Finally he placed the hand gently down and looked from the resident to his patient. "Well, I certainly want to see x-rays but I don't think it'll need surgery. From the looks of it you suffered from a mild crush injury. The skin is split from the pressure put onto the hand from the tire but I don't think it rolled all the way over it, did it?" He waited to see Roy shake his head before he nodded, "Yes, I suspect it got trapped on the edge. There seems to be some damage to the ligaments and the muscle and while that is painful it should heal alright. You might have cracked the fifth meta carpel, the x-ray will tell for sure. I'll clean out those splits, put a few stitches in those deeper ones then put the whole hand in a semi ridged cast. Are you right of left handed?"

Roy lifted his right hand as he answered, "Right, Doc."

Ken nodded, "Good, well the cast will mostly be a reminder not to try to move those fingers too much so they get a chance to heal."

"How long?"

"Well some of that I'll wait to see after the x-ray but I'd say in the cast about a month to six weeks. Then some physical therapy to get the strength back and you'll be back paramedicing once more."

The sound of a wheelchair entering the room caught everyone's attention. Dr. Bentley scribbled notes quickly on the x-ray request sheet then handed it to the candy striper standing by the chair. He turned to the nurse and said, "Let me know when he gets back from x-ray and we'll see about numbing that up and getting it debried." She nodded. Ken smiled once more at his patient then chuckled, "Well, this is certainly becoming a family affair, first your daughter, then your partner, now you. Don't take this wrong when I say I'd rather not meet anymore of your family this way."

Roy gave a half-hearted grin. "No offense taken, Doc, I agree with you 100%." Ken laughed, slapped his leg and left with Morton. Roy got into the wheelchair and sighed heavily. His hand throbbed and he had the beginnings of a headache. He stared at his swollen hand as he was wheeled through the corridors, his thoughts on Johnny. '_Oh Junior, my hand hurts so bad and all I can think of is how did you stand it when it wasn't only your hands that were so badly damaged._' He sighed again and wiped his face with his right hand. '_And did I help at all? No. There you were lying on that table and all I could do was yell at you._' He straightened his shoulders as they approached the elevator, '_Well buddy this will give me time off and I plan on using that time off to help you. I owe it to you.'_

The candy striper turned the wheelchair around and began pulling it into the open elevator as Roy looked up. His attention caught on a group of people coming out of one of the other treatment rooms. He saw an orderly pushing another wheelchair with a slender dark haired man in it followed by two women. He moved forward, straining to see, '_That looked like . . . was that Johnny?! And the women, one looked like . . .Jo_?' but before he could do anything further, the doors slide shut, cutting off his view.

As the elevator rose, he sat lost in his thoughts, '_Was that Johnny? It looked like him. Why would he be in the ER? Was he hurt or sick? And that woman, she looked like my wife from the angle I could see. What would Jo be doing in the ER? Did she bring Johnny in? Did something happen and he called her for help?_' He sighed, '_Would he call her for help after all I've done to him? I wish I could've gotten a better look.'_ All his wonderings were for naught as he knew the group would be long gone by the time he returned. He'd just have to wait until later when he could see his wife. Then, maybe, he'd get the answers. He leaned back in the wheelchair and sighed again. '_If that __**was**__ Johnny, I'm glad he had Jo to help him.' _His concentration was broken as the elevator doors opened and the candy striper quickly pushed him on into x-ray.

The x-ray tech looked up at him and smiled in recognition, "well now DeSoto! I think this is a first! Usually I see you hanging around outside the treatment rooms-- waiting."

He took the sheet the candy striper gave him as Roy answered, "Well Wayne, it was a boring shift soooo . . . ."

"Uh huh, yank the other one, DeSoto." He grinned, then turning to the girl told her. "You can leave; I'll take him back." The candy striper just nodded and left. The next several minutes Roy endured having his hand twisted in unnatural positions as Wayne snapped the films. "It'll take me about 10 minutes to get these developed. Ya wanna hang here or do ya wanna go back and wait." He asked as he grabbed the plates and placed them into the machine.

Roy shrugged. His hand hurt more and the headache had become full blown. "Either or, doesn't make any difference."

Wayne looked the man over, noticing the lines around his thinned lips and the creases in his brow. "As much as I would enjoy the stimulating conversation we would have, I believe you, my friend, need some MS about now." He picked up a phone, spoke briefly into it then turned back to Roy who grinned weakly at him. "Yeah Wayne, you're probably right. Sorry."

Wayne slapped him softly on the right shoulder, "Not a problem, I completely understand." He looked up at the figure coming through the doorway and said, "Take him back to treatment room 2 and tell the Doc there I'll bring these by as soon as they finish." He grinned again at the seated paramedic, "Later guy. Tell Johnny I said Hi."

At that Roy heard the volunteer in front of him inhale sharply and he looked up into her face. He closed his eyes briefly, trying to stifle a groan as he recognized her. Without a word, she stepped behind him, released the brake and turned the wheelchair around.

Roy took a deep breath and began, "Kyleigh, listen, I want to apologize to you. I'm sorry."

Silence.

He tried to look behind him, only catching a glimpse of dark hair and a firmly set chin. He tried again, "I . . .uh . . . talked with your father and he told me about . . . I mean . . . what you . . .uh . . ."

"You don't need to say anything, Mr. DeSoto." her voice was polite and cold.

Roy sighed again. "Yes, yes Kyleigh I do. I need to apologize to you."

"You just did." Again no warmth in her voice and she looked rigidly ahead as she pushed the button for the elevator. When the door opened, she turned the chair and pulled it in. Roy tried to look behind him, trying to catch her eye. "Kyleigh, I'm really sorry over what you heard."

He heard the scoffing noise she made deep in her throat and tried again, "What you heard, what I said to Johnny that day, I didn't mean it." The doors opened and she began to push the wheelchair forward but he reached down and caught the wheel in his right hand. She reached down and tried to pull his hand off saying, "Mr. DeSoto, you need to put your hand back up, you'll compromise your IV."

Roy felt a flash of anger as he ground out, "Damn my IV." He grasped her hand and used his greater strength to pull her around so that she stood in front of him. The elevator doors slide shut and he quickly pushed the button for the highest floor. "Now Kyleigh, listen to me. I didn't mean what you heard."

The teen raised her head and looked at him through eyes hauntingly like her father's. "I know what I heard and saw."

Roy sighed again. "So do I . But I really didn't mean them." He spread his hand in a helpless gesture.

"How could you say those things to him?" Her voice trembled with emotion but her eyes remained clear. "I thought you were such great friends."

Roy met her gaze, "We are."

Kyleigh snorted at that, "Friends don't talk to each other like that, especially when one is hurt."

Roy nodded slowly, "You're right. I wasn't acting very much like his friend that day." He made another gesture, "Or for the last few weeks, to be truthful. But I know what I did and I want to fix it."

She tilted her head and as she looked deeply into the paramedic's eyes, he continued, "When I burst in there, I was angry at him. I didn't even see he was hurt until later. I spoke from that anger and said things I didn't really mean. I was wrong and when I see him, I plan on making it up to him." He took a hold of her hand and squeezed it. "I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm sorry it upset you. More than anything, I'm sorry I upset Johnny. And you're right, I wasn't acting very much like a friend that day but that will change."

The door opened then shut again as the two faced each other. Kyleigh finally broke her stare to turn and push the button for the ER. "I can forgive you, Mr. DeSoto. And I hope you are serious about what you say about Johnny."

Roy smiled faintly, "I am, Kyleigh. And it's Roy."

Kyleigh's lips turned up slightly as she gave a nod then stepped back behind the wheelchair. "Ok, Roy. I think it's time we got you back to the treatment rooms." The door opened and she wheeled him quickly and skillfully back into his room then assisted him back up on the table. "I'll let the nurse know you're back." She said as she hung his IV back up on the pole. He smiled at her, "Thanks Kyleigh."

She smiled back and disappeared out the door. He leaned back with a sigh and closed his eyes, trying to push away the pounding behind them. The sound of the door opening again caught his attention. The nurse who had been there before was back and in her hand she held a syringe. "I need to get some vitals again, Mr. DeSoto then Dr. Bentley ordered something to help you relax while we see about that hand." He nodded and closed his eyes again as she finished and he felt the cold sensation of something entering his veins from the IV. Soon he could feel himself drift and went with the feeling.

He had no idea how long it was before Dr. Bentley entered again. "Well Batman, it looks like I was right on the money. You bruised the joint compartments but I think the damage will heal. There is an incomplete fracture of the fifth meta carpel. We won't know about any nerve damage until the swelling goes down and the healing has begun but I think any you'll experience will be minimal. Now," He took a large syringe from the tray the nurse had prepared and then grinned at the worried blue eyes watching him. "You just relax. I'm going to inject this and then we'll wait awhile until you're numbed up really well before we begin." That said, he injected the fluid in several places in Roy's sore hand.

Roy closed his eyes and clenched his other hand around the bunched up sheet on the table until the stinging in his hand eased. Soon he couldn't feel the other injection sites. At the sound of the syringe hitting the tray, he opened his eyes again. Ken Bentley grinned at him and slapped his knee as he stood. "You just chill and let that work and I'll be back."

Roy made a face, "I can't wait." He remarked drolly. His doctor laughed and left the room.

The lack of sleep from the last few nights added to the medication he'd been given, led Roy into a sleep. He barely opened his eyes when the nurse and Dr. Bentley returned and began the arduous process of cleaning the bits of stone and gravel out of his hand. That done, and the stitches in place, his hand was carefully wrapped then placed into the half cast and wrapped more. Once Dr. Bentley was assured the hand was immobilized but still had good circulation he stood back up with a smile. "Well Mr. DeSoto, I think we're done here. I'll need to see you back in three days to check on how the swelling is going and to redo the wrappings."

Roy nodded and allowed the nurse to aid him in sitting up. He shook the hand the doctor offered. "Thanks, Doc. For everything."

Ken's grin broadened, "Just remember what I said. No more business from your family." He started to walk to the door then turned suddenly. "Oh, I just remembered. Your partner didn't schedule a return appointment before he checked himself out. If you can, would you remind him I need to see him sometime this week? I need to redo the casts and do x-rays to see how the healing is going. If you want, you can both come in together." Roy nodded and Dr. Bentley left.

Once the nurse was sure he was steady on his feet, she went over his home care. "Dr. Bentley wrote an order for pain relief and he wants you on some antibiotics. You'll need to go up to the pharmacy and get these filled." She handed the paperwork to him and he placed them into his breast pocket. She then turned the chart toward him, "If you'll sign here and here, you're released." He did so then looked around. As if guessing she answered, "Your partner called your Captain and they sent a relief. They're waiting for you in the lounge unless they got a call."

"Thanks," He told her and made his way to the lounge. He checked in with Brice and his replacement, Jason Schlemmer. He told them he was heading up to the pharmacy and they nodded. "As long as we don't get a call, we'll be right here."

Brice frowned and Jason chuckled, "Aww, lighten up Brice. You can study that manual just as well here as you can at the station. And besides, you got to talk to the Doc about that whatchamacallit technique you were wondering about."

Brice glared at the other man and pushed his glasses up higher on his nose. "It's a not a whatchamacallit technique, it happens to be a cutting edge procedure on . . ." And while Brice went off in a lengthily explanation of said technique, Roy quickly slipped back out.

Surprisingly he was finished at the pharmacy in record time and back in the lounge. Brice and Jason looked up as he came in, announcing he was finished. Without further words, the trio headed for the squad.

Roy stepped out of the squad and turned back to thank the two paramedics. "Thanks guys, and Thanks Jason for coming in early to cover my shift." Jason laughed, his round boyish face alit with good humor. "No problem, Roy." Then he looked thoughtful, "Yah know, you came in early for Dwyer when he got hurt, I came in early for you when you got hurt, if I were superstitious I'd be scared."

Roy chuckled, "You think that's bad, think at how screwed up the next pay schedule will be the way we've all been swappin' shifts."

Jason laughed heartily, "That I don't mind, anything to bug the pencil pushers." The squad begin moving forward and Jason rolled his eyes, "Guess that's my reminder that we're still on County time." He waved out the window as the squad pulled away. "Take care Roy and say "yello" to Johnny when you see him."

Roy smiled and waved although that last comment brought back all his earlier anxiety. He looked down at his hand. It didn't hurt so badly now, he knew part of that was the lidocaine the Doc had used to numb it and partly from the pain meds he'd been given. He knew once those wore off, it would make it's displeasure known. He walked slowly up to the drive and seeing the garage door up and the station wagon inside, he headed that direction. As he approached the door leading into the house he heard raised voices. He paused, the door open just enough that he could hear his wife clearly say, "What makes you think you have the right to tell me what I can and can not do **in my own house! **

"Now Jo just calm down and think about this reasonably. I'm sure if you do, you'll understand I only have the best interest for you and your little girl in mind." Roy recognized the high slightly irritating tones of Tammy Kent and couldn't help the eyeroll.

He could hear the anger in his wife's voice and pictured her crossing her arms as she answered, "Alright. I'm calm. And I'm listening." He chuckled, thinking, '_Oh boy, anyone who knows Jo would know that that just means she's waiting for you to dig the grave a little deeper before she pushes you in.'_ He decided he would stay where he was for now and listen to the coming explosion.

Jo crossed her arms as she nodded curtly to the other woman. "I'm waiting." The words were clipped.

Tammy smiled at her, a sickly sweet patronizing smile. "Jo dear, think. How well do you really know the man? And I might add he is a man, a single one as well."

She waved toward the wooden cabinet in the dining room. "You have liquor here. All it would take is for him to come out here in the middle of the night, get drunk then . . then while you are asleep . . ."

Jo's eyes widened, "**Johnny**, " she stressed the name, "is a dear friend. And he's hurt and needs help." She waved back down the hall. "He can barely sit up, let alone walk." She, too, then waved toward the cabinet, "And as far as getting drunk, I've known Johnny for over three years. In that time, I've never seen him drunk or even drink more than a couple beers." She didn't think Tammy needed to know how drunk both Roy and Johnny had gotten one night after the funeral of a friend. She had come out after there were no more sounds and carefully covered both men, placing a basin within easy reach. She'd noted the tear-tracks across both their faces as well. She was truthful for all that, she'd not seen him drunk; both men had already passed out when she cared for them.

Tammy made a scornful sound, while she wrinkled up her face as if she smelled something disgusting. "Of course he drinks. They all drink. And they get drunk. Why at this very house I saw him . . ."

"You saw Johnny drink half a beer before he left." Jo interrupted.

"That's what he had here," Tammy's voice held a triumphant note. "You have no idea what he did after that."

Now it was Jo's turn to get smug. "As a matter of fact I do. He was so upset after your daughter's little performance, he went home and rode his horse until after dark. Then he had dinner with the rest of the crew and fell asleep on the couch."

Tammy rolled her eyes, "So he told you."

"No," Jo corrected her. "So Becky Stoker told me. Right after they left here, Mike and Marco headed over there because they were worried about their friend."  
Tammy frowned, "Jo, you can't trust him. You can never trust those kind, no matter how long you know them. No one can really know how they think because they don't think like you and I and other good people think. There's something that is wrong in their brains because they're . . .they're . . ."

"An Indian? You can say it, Tammy, I'm well aware of Johnny's parentage and it's not some sort of disease."

Tammy now gave a firm nod, "All right. If you want it that way. He's an Indian. An outsider, one who is barely civilized. And you have him here, in your house, where you are alone." She leaned closer, her voice harsher. "Think about it! A male savage here at night, with your husband gone. What about your little girl? Think about her safety if you don't care about yourself."

Jo's whole body was stiff with rage, "John Gage would never do anything to harm me or my children, especially Jenny. He loves that little girl like she was his own flesh and blood."

Tammy snorted again, "And we all know how they treat their own flesh, don't we." She made a beseeching gesture to her friend. "Please Jo, I'm worried about you. Please be reasonable. I know you and Roy are kind-hearted people and of course you think the best of others. But I know. I have seen and so has Marc."

She wagged her finger at the other woman, "Remember, my husband has been working with Roy and that . . . Gage person as well. He's told me how Gage has messed up repeatedly and your husband has covered up for him." At Jo's shocked look, she nodded and went on. "He's told me about how Roy doesn't trust him to drive the squad or trust him enough with the drugs to do inventory with them or even to dispense the drugs to their victims. Roy, himself, likened Gage to a dog who was somewhat trained but one you had to keep an eye on."

Jo shook her head faintly, her head spinning. '_No, oh Roy! Please, you didn't really say anything like that about Johnny, did you? Oh please it can't be true_!' She could imagine the hurt those words must have inflicted on her friend if he'd heard them and considering her husband's behavior over the last week, she suspected that was exactly what happened.

Tammy saw the conflicting emotions in the other woman's eyes and smiled smugly, "See? Your husband doesn't trust him. And I'm sure he'd never want that savage alone in his house with his wife and his children, especially at night while he's on duty."

She moved closer to where Jo had dropped onto the couch and put her arm around her. "Now. Let me call somebody and we'll get him to a hospital. They have people there who are trained to take care of people like him. And others trained to handle him if he gets . . . violent."

Jo's voice was soft as she responded to the words with, "He doesn't want to be in the hospital. That's why I brought him here. He's too sick to be by himself and he refused to stay there. Dr. Brackett was afraid he'd have to sedate him before he hurt himself."

Tammy nodded and patted her hand, "See? Even Dr. Brackett knows. A good man, that Doctor; maybe a little blinded in the political interreges of the paramedic program but he obviously understands how to treat these people." She frowned slightly, "I'll have to make sure I tell Marc this." Then she smiled again at Jo. "Well, then I know someone who will see that he gets taken back to his own house. He'll be fine there. These people have a way of taking care of themselves. Don't you worry, I'll handle everything." She reached for the phone as Jo shook herself from her own thoughts.

"No." She ground out. "I said I would take care of him." She stood again, her back straight and her eyes flashing fire. "John Gage is my friend. He has been in this house many times, both ill and well. He has babysat my children while my husband and I have been away. He has helped us repeatedly and asked for nothing in return." She glanced down the hallway, not seeing the closed door was now open. "He needs help right now. He's badly injured and he's running a high fever." She looked back at Tammy. "He's not going anywhere; he's staying right where he is."

Tammy had been dialing while Jo was talking and now she turned to her friend, fire in her own eyes. "I'm doing this for your own good, JoAnne. Roy won't want him here with you. I'll have Marc come and take him . . ."

"Johnny's not going anywhere." Roy's voice sounded from the kitchen and both women turned wide-eyed as he stepped into the living room. He took the phone from Tammy's unresisting hand and hung it up. She stood transfixed in front of him, her gaze caught on the fire she saw in his blue eyes.

"My wife is right. Johnny need our help and he's going to get it, right here, in this house." Roy stood unyielding, his posture rigid, his lips firm lines.

Tammy gave a weak smile as she began, "Now Roy, I know what a good hearted person you are. Marc has told me all about how . . ."

"Marc is wrong." Roy said firmly. "John Gage is my partner, my friend. I helped train him and asked him to be my partner when he graduated. We started at 51's together and were a team when the bill passed allowing us to practice. We have been a team, and have trained many others in the nearly four years we have been together." He moved closer and Tammy took a step back, "But Marc said, . . ."

"Your husband is wrong. What he thought he saw or heard is not true. Johnny has been my partner and will be my partner again as soon as he is healed." His voice got hard as he thought of all the things he'd heard about Marc's treatment of Johnny in the field. "Your husband can only wish he becomes as good as Johnny is in the field. John Gage is one of the best paramedics ever to come out of the paramedic program. I trust him. I trust him with my life." He stressed the word. "I trust him in everything."

He caught Jo's surprised look beginning to turn into a smile. He motioned for the door. "Now, I think you have over stayed your welcome in this house. You should leave."

Tammy glanced from him back to Jo and then back to him. "Well! Well! You try to help people and this! This is the thanks!" She grabbed up her purse then turned back to Roy who had followed her, herding her surely to the front door. "Well, I never!"

"Obviously." Roy commented, "But someone should have long before now." He opened the door and placed a firm guiding hand on Tammy's elbow. "Good-bye Mrs. Kent." As soon as she cleared the doorframe, he firmly shut the door. He stood still, staring at it for several heartbeats, his mind unconsciously going over all the poisonous things the woman had spouted. '_Poisonous, that's it. Just like a snake. She and her husband. Aand I let him do it, even joined him_.' He sighed heavily and hung his head. He couldn't deny some of the things Tammy had told Jo about and knew he'd have to come clean to his wife.

Behind him, he heard her soft voice, "Roy?" He turned. He watched the emotions race over her face; pleasure, anger, pride, and finally determination. She crossed her arms and shifted her weight onto one foot, "Roy William DeSoto, I think you owe me an explanation."

Roy nodded and opened his mouth to begin. But before he could utter a single syllable, a loud thump came from the hall, followed quickly by a grunt of pain. They both headed that direction, hearts racing over what they would find.

At the end of the hallway, just outside the door to the bathroom, was Johnny. His legs were slightly curled and he rested on his left hip and his left elbow. As they approached him, they could see he was trying to push himself up but between the cast hands and his still healing abdominal muscles, he couldn't do it.

"Johnny! What are you doing out here?" Jo dropped by his side, her eyes searching him for any further damage, her heart racing as she feared he'd heard the rather loud argument with Tammy Kent.

He looked up at her, "Latrine." He mumbled. Jo closed her eyes and sighed to herself. '_Well of course. I've been filing him full of fluids. Of course he'd need to go. Why didn't I think of that_!'

"Alright, are you finished? Or do you still need to go in there?" She asked.

"Done." He muttered and pushed upward again but gave a grunt at the pain it caused and dropped his head, panting through it. Jo reached out and rubbed circles of comfort on his back. Soon he lifted his head again and looked at her.

Roy stood above them, noticing his partner had never once looked his way. '_Can't say I blame him for ignoring me._' He shook his head, '_God! He looks awful! He looks paler than when I saw him in the hospital. What's happened to him now?'_

Roy reached forward, hesitated and pulled his hands back, reached out again in a different angle only to pull back again and exclaim in frustration, "God! Junior! Where can I touch you that won't hurt you!"

At the sound of his voice, Johnny gradually turned his head toward his partner. He blinked slowly, his brow puckering in a frown as if he didn't believe what his eyes saw. Roy meet his steady gaze, disturbed by the lack of emotion in those dark, dilated eyes. He sighed again then finally reached a hand under Johnny's left arm and around his shoulder saying, "I know you hit the squad with your right shoulder so I'll be careful."

He felt the muscles tense under his arm and tried to soothe the younger man. "Just relax, Junior. Let us do the work. I'll try hard not to hurt you." He lifted and Johnny scrambled his legs, trying to pull them up under him again but they wouldn't support his weight. Jo had moved to the other side, and now grabbed the waist band of the scrub pants and pulled upward along with her husband. Finally, together, they managed to get him on his feet and propped slightly against the wall.

Johnny, for his part, had never broken his steady gaze on Roy's face. Roy could feel the heat coming off the body he supported as well as the trembling in the weakened limbs. He had thought to then walk Johnny back to the sunroom but after feeling him tremble, Roy seriously doubted the man had the strength. With a sudden decision, he pushed his cast hand all the way across Johnny's back to under his right arm and bending slightly, put his right arm behind Johnny's knees. He tipped the man, swinging him up in his arms as he did. Instinctively, Johnny placed his left arm around Roy's neck and leaned his weight into his partner's body.

Roy hefted him once, adjusting to the weight. Over the years he'd unfortunately had several occasion to carry his partner, just as for various reasons Johnny had carried him. During that time, he'd become familiar with the dark haired medic's weight. He frowned as a thought crossed his mind. '_He's too light—way too light. And he feels like he's just skin and bones.'_

Unaware of his thoughts but seeing the frown and misinterpreting it, Jo hurried forward and opened the door. "Here Roy, I have the room set up for him in here."

Roy quickly carried Johnny, like he would one of his young children, into the room. He sat Johnny up on the bed and then carefully turned his upper body and laid him back onto the pillows while Jo lifted his long legs and swung them up onto the bed.

Johnny's gaze never broke from his partner while all this was going on, his brow still furrowed as if unsure. Jo offered him a drink from the cup by the bedside and finally Johnny blinked and looked at her. He accepted the straw, drinking nearly the entire amount before he pulled away. Jo glanced at her watch. "Johnny, it's time for your pain meds. Are you hungry?"

Johnny shook his head and Jo sighed, "Johnny, you need to eat. If you don't, the pills could upset your stomach. Now how about I fix you a nice sandwich, ok?"

He shook his head again, "No . . . trouble for you."

Jo reached out and stroked his face tenderly, "It's no trouble, Johnny. Roy and I have to eat as well."

Johnny frowned again and looked around, "Roy?"

Roy stepped forward. "I'm here, Johnny, I'm right here." Johnny's gaze again locked on him and the frowning look was back.

Jo touched the younger man's arm and he faced her, "I'm going to go make those sandwiches. Roy's going to stay here with you. If you need anything, he'll get it for you." She smiled at him and his lips turned faintly upward in answer. He watched her leave.

Roy stared at the younger man; his gaze sweeping up and down the thin body lying before him. Johnny was definitely thinner then when he'd seen him in the hospital nearly four days ago now. He swallowed hard and cleared his throat. That got Johnny's attention and he turned back toward him. "John . . . Johnny, I'm sorry." He began softly. Johnny merely blinked at him, his eyes blank. "I . . . I was wrong, very wrong. I'm sorry."

No reaction from the other man. Roy inhaled and tried again, "I know what I did was wrong and I can only promise that it will never happen again."

Silence.

Roy shuffled his feet, "I . . . I know it's asking a lot, but I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me." Johnny merely blinked at him, that still slightly mystified look on his face. Finally Roy couldn't stand it any longer and left. He met Jo in the hall carrying a tray with the refilled cup and a sandwich cut into quarters. She titled her head at Roy as he stopped in front of her. He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again before closing it once more and looking at his feet with a sigh.

"Roy." He looked up into his wife's face, her emotions masked from him. "Your dinner is in the kitchen. I'm going to try and get Johnny to eat and then I'll come in and join you." Her eyes looked him over briefly, taking in the uniform he was still dressed in, spotted in various places with blood, and the wrapped left hand. "And after we eat, we are going to talk." Her mannerism brooked no argument but he didn't have any to give her anyway. He just nodded then murmured, "I love you."

She nodded once, "I love you too. Now go eat." Then she continued on into the sunroom. Roy turned and made his way back down the hall and into the kitchen where he saw two glasses of tea and a plate filled with sandwiches along with a bowl full of potato chips.


	27. Chapter 27

This one hasn't a lot of action; a lot of talking though but stuff that needs to be said. I've had several comments about jello water. It's best really diluted; I do it 1L after boiled in 2c. You can chill the first day but it will gel after 24 hrs. Just let it warm up alittle and stir. I drink it hot as well; Makes a great change from coffee or tea. Hope you are still enjoying this, we are almost done!

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Roy couldn't have said whether it had been two minutes, ten minutes or ten hours before the sound of his wife re-entering the kitchen pulled his wandering thoughts back to the here and now.

JoAnne carried the plate back into the kitchen and laid it on the cabinet with a heavy sigh. Roy could plainly see that not much was absent. There were still four pieces of sandwich on it, only one appeared to have several bites missing. He echoed her sigh with one of his own, "He didn't eat."

"No, not much." Jo agreed as she lifted her glass of tea and drank, then joined her husband at the table. Roy caught her eyes, his own dark with worry. "He's too thin."

Jo nodded. Unlike Roy yet, she'd seen the full extent of Johnny's thinned body. Roy tapped a fist on the table surface. "He's gotta eat. His body won't have the strength he needs to heal if he doesn't."

Again Jo nodded then placed a couple of sandwiches onto both of their plates. "Enough about Johnny for now." She told him sharply, making him look up in surprise at her tone. "Eat first. You and I both need the strength as well. I have a feeling it's going to be a long night."

Roy nodded and applied himself to the meal before him. After Jo had eaten most of one half of her sandwich, and seen her husband begin on his second sandwich, she once more spoke. "Roy? What happened?' She gestured to his bandaged arm so he'd know what she meant. "Not that I'm not grateful for your 'timely intervention' earlier."

He smiled at her and drank some tea before answering. "I . . .uh, kinda got it squished at work."

Her eyebrows rose at that, "Squished?"

He nodded, then told her about the call, and his injury. "Doctor Bentley checked it over and said I need to see him in about three days to have it redone." He finished.

Jo nodded. "Doctor Bentley seems a good doctor. Jenny loves him." she paused, her eyes darting toward the sunroom before again meeting her husband's.

Roy nodded. "He did the surgeries on Johnny as well. He said he needs to see him also and suggested we come in together."

Now that the subject had returned to their ill houseguest, Roy knew he had to tell his wife everything. He nibbled on chips as he tried to put order to his thoughts. Finally he took a deep breath and begin. "JoAnne, I love you. I love you very much and I need to apologize to you over the way I've been behaving the last few weeks. It was uncalled for and undeserving and I'm very sorry it ever happened." He kept his head down as he traced circles in the condensation drops left on the table by his nearly empty glass.

"I love you too, Roy, and I've just been waiting for you to finally come to your senses." Her voice was clear and her words the sweetest he'd ever heard. Deep in his heart, he knew she'd forgive him, had known she had some understanding over this craziness ever since their conversation the morning that shift where Johnny was injured. With that acknowledgment, all the mental pain he'd felt over the last four days came back. Now he had to tell her what he'd done to the one he'd called 'friend'. Would she be as understanding this time?

Jo had been watching the parade of emotions that had marched across her husband's face. Whatever he was contemplating was worse then his previous confession. Somehow, she knew it had to do with Johnny. "Roy, whatever you tell me will not change the way I feel about you." She leaned forward and took his circling right hand in hers, stopping the unconscious motions. "Look at me. Tell me."

Roy looked up and Jo had to force herself not to react to the extremely sad look in his eyes. "I . . . I've probably made these last three weeks of work a living hell for Johnny," He ducked his head back downward, his hand fiddling with the glass again. "Tammy was right in some of the things she said Marc told her. I realized it when Marc told me the same things. I've been abusive and downright cruel in how I've been treating Johnny. If he wanted to, Johnny could probably have me written up."

Jo tried to maintain an even visage over this announcement. Part of her couldn't believe her husband could ever do the things he'd just said. Not to Johnny. Another part of her, the part that had already heard what Dr. Brackett and Dixie had to say as well as had seen herself, knew better now. It was this part she let control her next words and thoughts. She nodded slowly, "So, tell me. Just what did you do?"

Roy sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair. "Since the morning we returned back to work after our trip, I haven't let Johnny handle any care of the patients we've had. I haven't allowed him to do much more than carry equipment and bring the squad into Rampart. I have made jokes about him, his weight, his. . . being Indian . . . with Marc. I've basically dismissed anything and everything he could do or say as beneath me."

Jo shook her head in disbelief, "Oh Roy. Please tell me you didn't call Johnny a dog like Tammy said."

Roy hunched his shoulders and Jo sighed heavily in response. Roy shook his head, then gave a helpless shrug. "I . . I didn't really call him a dog." He corrected, "I think what I said was that since he was so thin, he could squeeze into tight places like a rescue dog but that he was better trained." Even as he said that, he remembered the joke about Johnny being only marginally better at setting IVs because he had the advantage of opposable thumbs. He could imagine the hurt that comment would have cause his friend and now that he rethought it, he winced over how much thinner Johnny had become. There was nothing remotely funny about his weight now.

Jo looked at her husband with an unreadable expression on her face, then suddenly she sat up a little straighter in her chair, her eyebrows angling upward. "Wait a minute!" She said, her voice sharp. Roy cringed, knowing she had put two and two together. "You said the last three weeks. The morning after our trip." She pinned her husband with a glare. "Since Jenny's accident."

He knew what she wanted and he knew he had to give it. Reluctantly he nodded. She continued to hold him with her gaze as she ground out, "Surely you don't blame Johnny for what happened to Jenny!? It was an accident! Kids are prone to accidents." She leaned toward him. "You know that; you've certainly responded to enough of them."

Roy kept his head down as he inspected the swirling dregs in his glass as if his very life depended on his concentration. Jo's eyes narrowed and she moved even closer. "Roooyyyy?" She drew out his name, her voice cold.

Silence.

Just as she was inhaling to blast him, he sighed and shook his head. "No. I don't blame Johnny for Jenny's accident." Jo looked at him, her head tilted to one side. She knew her husband well enough to know what he'd told her was the truth, but he was still holding something else back. He sighed again. He'd promised he would tell her and he would. They had made a promise years ago to be as honest with each other as possible. He'd already screwed up enough. Time to come clean.

"I don't blame him," He reiterated, "But what I did was worse . . . much worse. I . . .I was jealous of him."

He knew she was confused and he forged on ahead, "Johnny was here to take care of Jenny and I wasn't. I felt out-of-control and helpless and that scared me. Rather than be glad that someone as well trained and level-headed as Johnny was here to handle it, I somehow got it into my thick head that if I was in control of everything, something like that would never happen again. So I set about taking control. Over everything. All the responses, all the calls, even what Johnny and Marc could and couldn't do."

He gave a bitter laugh. "I'm surprised Cap waited as long as he did before he let me have it."

"And Johnny?" Jo's words cut him to the quick as he remembered that conversation.

"First, he was confused. Then he confronted me on the way back from Rampart."

There was silence for several moments before Jo pushed with, "And?"

Roy smacked his glass down hard on the table top—faintly surprised it didn't break—stood up suddenly and paced the floor, running his hands around the back of his neck. "On that first run, I treated him like . . .like a . . . a boot at the scene, . . . no," he shook his head as he remembered, "worse than a boot—'" He recalled, "I treated him like an untrained bystander and he called me on it. He told me I had no right to treat him that way, that he was just as experienced as I was." He could see his wife nod in confirmation.

For a moment, Roy was back in that cab, confronting Johnny once more. Only now it was as if he was observing himself and his partner. He watched the impact his words had on the other man, saw the shock and then defeat in those expressive brown eyes. At that moment he knew that the soul wounds the dream Brice had talked about had cut the deepest. He could almost see Johnny's spirit die from that moment on. He dropped his head. "I . . .I told him he . . . he was nothing like me and that he never would be. I called him a menace and told him his lack of attention was what got him and Duntley sick, and him snake-bit later on. I told him I felt like since I had gotten him into the paramedics I felt responsible to anyone who might get hurt because of him." He hit his balled fist hard into his leg. "God! How could I have told him that! I don't really think that; I've been proud of everything he's done. I couldn't have chosen a better partner!"

Roy's voice caught in a sob. "I destroyed him that day –the jokes and other comments later were just nails in the coffin." He dropped his head again, tears of regret stinging his eyes. "He started fading on that day, not eating with us, withdrawing, becoming quiet and not sleeping." He sighed again, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. "If . . . if he d . . dies, I will have been the one who killed him, not that explosion. Me, just as surely as if I'd cut him myself."

"Well then," Roy jumped slightly as he heard his wife's strong voice come from right beside him seconds before he felt her hands on his shoulders. "I'd say, Mr. Paramedic, you'd better do everything in your power to keep him alive." He turned to face her, his blue eyes searching hers. In them he saw sadness, yes, and disappointment, but he also saw love and confidence. Her face softened into a smile as she added, "And Roy?"

He raised his eyebrows in silent question. She smiled tenderly as she raised a hand to gently cup his cheek. "Praying is a good idea too. I think Johnny could use all the help there he can get."

He nodded, slowly at first then more vigorously as he reached out and drew this woman he loved so into a fierce embrace.

They held each other for long moments then Roy pulled away. He went to the fridge, finding himself suddenly very thirsty after all that. He filled his glass, drained it and filled it again then looked at his wife in question. When she nodded he filled her glass and returned the pitcher to the fridge. He sat back down, noticing Jo did as well. "We have a long hard way ahead of us." He murmured. He sensed more than saw his wife's answering nod. Suddenly Roy recalled the thought he'd had earlier. "Jo, Johnny is running a fever, isn't he." That was more stated then questioned and it was Jo's turn to sigh as she answered, "Yes. It's been right around 102 all day."

Roy frowned at that, "All day?"

Jo nodded then began her tale. She told him about her planned 'quiet' day and how that all changed with Lina Lopez's call. "I went immediately to Johnny's house. He was expecting Lina so the door was open. He came into the living room apologizing for not quite being ready." she flipped out her hand, "Something about a dog getting his shoes." She stopped and looked carefully at her husband. "You can imagine his surprise when he saw me. And mine when I saw him."

Roy winced, knowing what she meant. Jo continued, "I asked him what happened and all he'd say at first was that you'd say he didn't run fast enough." Roy winced again and sighed. Jo didn't seem to notice, but she had. "When I helped him get his shoes on, I noticed how warm he was and he admitted that was why he was going in to see Dr. Brackett. Said he'd promised when he left the hospital he'd come back if there were any changes."

"At least he had the good sense to realize that." Roy murmured. Jo nodded and sipped her drink.

"By the time we got to the hospital, his fever was so high he was nearly out. I barely got him into the ER and Dixie immediately took him back. I waited for him in the lounge." Roy gave a faint smile at that, he'd waited in that same lounge many times, sometimes with Johnny, sometimes for Johnny. His attention returned to his wife as she continued with her tale. He looked at her to see her staring at him intently. He frowned, "What?"

"Roy, when Dr. Brackett and Dixie came back in, they were very worried." Her voice was almost stern. Roy thought frantically, trying to figure out where this concerned him except over the wellbeing of his partner. "And?"

"Johnny was refusing to stay, even to the point of refusing treatment if it came to that. Dr. Brackett said the fever was from an infection in his ear. He was debating having Johnny sedated for his own good but was concerned over what that would do to him in the long run."

Roy nodded sagely, "That would have made Johnny very angry and next time something like this happened, he'd refuse to come in."

Jo nodded, "That's exactly what Dr. Brackett feared. Then they told me what they had seen over the last few weeks."

Roy ducked his head as he gave out a small, "oh."

Jo nodded again, "Yes. That's when I told them I'd take him home and nurse him." She took another drink and her expression changed. Roy felt himself tense at the shift. "Johnny nearly refused to agree. He was apprehensive over your reaction."

Roy sighed heavily, "He hates me."

Jo shook her head, "No, he doesn't hate you. He was anxious over what you'd do."

A invisible hand grabbed ahold of Roy's gut and squeezed it –hard. "He's afraid of me?" Somehow, that hurt worse. He remembered the look of fear in his partner's eyes the day he'd pushed forcible past him in the kitchen. He'd hoped it was his imagination.

Jo made a face, "I don't think that's it either. I think he just not sure of you. Or rather where he stands with you right now."

Roy rubbed his face. He doubted his wife on this. He had made it very obvious over the last weeks where Johnny stood in his life and that was nowhere. He thought back to the way Johnny had acted toward him in the hallway; how he'd only stared at him with those vacant eyes. "Then what about the way he was looking at me just now, just looking. What do you think about that?"

"I don't know." She sighed, "Maybe because of his infection and the damage from the blast he couldn't hear you. Dr. Brackett said his hearing was affected, that's why Dixie and I placed him the way we did in that bed. So that his better-hearing ear was outward." She shrugged, "I can't really tell you."

Roy fiddled with the glass, "I can tell you. He hates me." He took a deep breath, "Johnny hates my guts." His voice softer, he finished with, "And I can't say I blame him at all."

Jo shook her head emphatically. "No Roy. I can say with almost certainty that Johnny doesn't hate you."

Roy looked at her, his expression plainly telling her he was hopeful of her words but wanted convinced. "How can you be so sure?"

She smiled at him. "Because I don't think John Gage '_can_' hate someone. I don't think he has it in him to hate." She stood and placed the dishes into the sink. "Now, mind you, I don't think the task before you will be easy. Not by any means." She looked him in the eye again. "You hurt him, Roy. You hurt him in a way only two people who mean a lot to each other can hurt one another. Now you just have to convince him that you _**do**_ care for him. That you never really _**stopped**_ caring."

Roy nodded solemnly.

She wiped off the table as he took the remaining chips and folded the bag back up and put it away. Once the kitchen was cleaned, she turned to him once more, her expression serious. Roy found himself holding his breath. '_Here it comes'_ he thought, '_She's thought it over and now she's gonna let me have it_.'

Jo leaned against the cabinet, her arms crossed over her chest. "I have two things to say to you, Roy William. First, I hope you've learned something over all this. As I said before, this will take time but I think eventually you'll be able to undo some of the hurt you've caused. Now, I suggest you go and see to your patient. Make sure he's as comfortable as you can make him and then secondly, . . ."

He looked up at her, hope already growing in his heart as he listened to her words. God, that's just what he wanted to do, rush into the sunroom and make sure Johnny was there and as comfortable as he could make him. But his heart froze again at he paused at the end of his wife's words. He looked at her as she stood before him, her face stern, her arms crossed across her body. Then slowly she relaxed and her face shifted into a smile, "secondly, you are going to help me with some minor redecorating. Seems there are some things that have gone missing in this house and they need to be found and put back where they belong."

He grabbed her up in his arms and kissed her firmly until they were both breathless. "I love you, Mrs. DeSoto." He said softly. She stroked his face tenderly, "I love you too, Mr. DeSoto." Then she gave his cheek a playful slap, "now go take care of your partner."

Sounds mixed with touches on his fevered skin in a weird swirling sensation and greeted Johnny as he once more felt his mental world lighten with consciousness. As had happened several times before since he'd arrived at the DeSoto house, he wasn't quite sure what was reality and what wasn't. He'd heard voices, muted but raised in anger, earlier . . . or at least he thought it was earlier. Were they really discussing him? He thought he'd heard his name spoken but what he thought he'd heard had then blended into a similar discussion he was pretty sure was a memory.

"He doesn't belong here; he's not really one of us!" The voice said. Another answered, sullen and low, "That's not our decision to make. This is not our house; it belongs to A'te. He wants the boy here. We have no choice."

"He's not of our blood." Another, even angrier voice snarled. "We barely have supplies for our own! Send him to those _others_, let him be their responsibility."

Johnny tossed his head as the voices continued to echo in his mind. "He drinks, they all drink. And they get drunk." This snide voice was high pitched, the tone making Johnny wince. "A savage . . . don't trust him . . . An outsider, one who is barely civilized. . . . some sort of disease . . .wrong in their brains. Think . . . about your little girl!"

Johnny tried to understand everything happening around him. His aunt conferred with Tammy Kent, both agreeing that he was unworthy to live with either whites or Indians. Roy nodded as his grandfather told him that the only way to train the savage out of him was to beat it out of him. He paused at that.

Roy? Roy was here? He could see Roy standing over him, yelling at him, telling him he couldn't trust him. Johnny flinched from the anger he saw on the other man's face and pain flared white-hot through his body. He gasped and stiffened. He tried to open his eyes but his sight remained unfocused. He blinked, trying to see if this was reality or another fever dream. But the effort to get them to stay open was beyond him. Something touched his lips and a quiet voice said, "Drink, Johnny." He drank and cool liquid flowed down his parched throat. Once he was done, the straw disappeared as a cool cloth bathed his face, then spread downward across his neck and chest.

Something warm touched the side of his neck. Johnny moved his head, a moan escaping his lips. Instantly a gentle hand stroked his fevered brow. "Shhhh, Johnny. You're alright. Just rest. Everything will be alright." He settled back, giving a heartfelt sigh as the cool cloth again began to bathe his face and neck. It felt so blessedly wonderful. Something about that voice, something . . . He shifted, moving his head again as he tried to make himself more aware. '_Roy? It sounded like . . .Roy. But it couldn't be Roy, Roy hates me. Roy would never help me; he thinks I'm a screw-up or worse. He'll never be my friend again.'_ Then the gentle hands were back, stroking his hair, calming him. With another sigh, his eyes never fully opening, he allowed himself to sink back into the darkness hovering on the edges of his mind.

Roy kept his hand on his partner's dark head even after Johnny's breathing deepened as he fell into sleep. He'd heard Johnny's mumbled words, heard the pain and confusion in the sick man's voice and hung his head. He could feel the tears running down his face but was too caught up in his thoughts to wipe them away. What had he done? He heard for himself now how badly he'd hurt this man, the man he'd told everyone for the last two years was his best friend. But, was he? _Best friends don't demand that you always and only do what they tell you._ Jenny's words from the picnic came back to haunt him. And that was exactly what he'd tried to do. He brushed the dark bangs out of his partner's closed eyes. "Oh Junior," he whispered. "I've been a stupid foolish man and you've paid the price. You don't deserve to have me try to be your friend; you deserve so much better than what I can be."

Johnny shifted again and gave a soft grunt of pain. Immediately Roy's hand was back on his friend's face, wiping the cooling cloth gentle over it. As he did, he whispered softly, "Relax Johnny. Sleep. That's right; just sleep and get better. We have a lot to talk about when you do." He gave a sardonic grin, "I just can't wait until you can look me in the eye and tell me what an ass I've been, partner."

Johnny didn't move or make any other action to Roy's words as his breathing again settled out. Roy continued to bathe him and talk in calm, soothing tones. His concentration was all on the thin fevered figure before him. Which is why he jumped and gave a faint yelp of surprise when a hand rested on his elbow. He blinked up into his wife's grinning face as he tried to slow down his heart.

"I came to relieve you." She answered his unspoken question. "I figured by now you could use a shower and some sleep."

Roy frowned and looked back at the sleeping form before him, "But Johnny . . . "

"It's my turn now, Roy" She fingered his sleeve, "And I think you should change out of this now."

Roy looked down, noticing he was still in his soiled uniform. Still he hesitated, "Just a little while more, then I'll go change."

Jo sighed and rolled her eyes, "Roy" she admonished, "That's what you said the last two times I came in here. It's time. Now."

Roy scowled at her, "I haven't been in here that long."

Jo shoved her arm with its watch in his face. "Roy, you've been in here since right after supper. We ate at 6 and it's now 10."

He blinked, "It hasn't been that long . . . has it?" He looked at the offered watch. Sure enough, she was right. Suddenly he felt tired as the sleeplessness of the last two nights caught up with him. A intense urge to yawn hit him but he stifled it. His wife noticed and chuckled softly. Then she laid her hand on their patient's forehead. "He feels a little cooler now."

Roy nodded, "His temp is down some. 101 orally the last time I took it." He stood and stretched. His wife was right and he was tired. But. His gaze went again to the bed.

Jo slapped his arm, then not too gently shoved him toward the door. She settled into the chair he'd just rose out of as she told him. "I'll sit with him now. You go shower then get to bed."

He finally nodded, then yawned widely. "You'll call for me . . . "

She glared at him out of the corner of her eye and he grinned sheepishly back at her. "Ok, ok, I'm getting." And he did. As he trudged off toward their bathroom, he could hear his wife's soft voice murmuring soothing words of comfort to their friend.

Once he left the room, exhaustion hit Roy hard. He entered the bathroom and smiled as he saw not only towels laid out, but a fresh set of sweats, his medicines and a glass of juice. By the time he finished in the bathroom, he could barely keep his eyes open. '_Good thing I can find my way around my bedroom even in the dark_,' he mused as he crawled into the bed and pulled the sheet over his body. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

"Roy. Roy!" Roy opened blurry eyes in response to his name being called as well as his shoulder gently being shook. He smiled at his wife and she smiled back. Then the memories of the past day rushed back in on him and he sat straight up. "Johnny. How's Johnny doing?"

Jo settled on the edge of their bed and Roy felt instant relief that she seemed relaxed. "He's doing about the same. His fever is hovering right around 101. He's also had . . . well . . .I guess you could call them dreams or maybe nightmares."

Roy raised his eyebrows, "Oh?"

Jo nodded, "Yes, he starts moving around and muttering. Then he'll jerk suddenly and his eyes will fly open. I just laid my hand on his shoulders and talked softly to him then he'd settle back into sleep."

Roy nodded as he rose out of the bed. He kissed his wife. "You gonna climb into bed now?"

Jo hesitated, and Roy chuckled. "Don't worry, I'll holler loudly if I need you."

She smiled again as she glanced at the clock by the bed. "I think I will. It's been a pretty busy day." She tried to stifle a yawn and he chuckled as he kissed her forehead. He watched as she settled under the covers then turned off the light and pulled the door partly closed.

Yawning he walked down the stairs toward the kitchen. He took a cup from the cabinet then helped himself to the fresh coffee Jo had left for him in the pot. He sipped it slowly as he worked on waking up. He looked at his hand, seeing it was still swollen although that seemed to have decreased somewhat. Also, even though it throbbed dully, it wasn't with the agonizing rhythm it had earlier. He debated taking a pain pill but decided on just aspirin instead. '_Those pain meds make me drowsy and I don't want to fade off while watching over Johnny.'_

His coffee drank and the pills swallowed he made his way to 'Johnny's Room'. He pushed open the sliding door and stood for a long moment in the doorway, just staring at his ill partner. Quietly, he entered the room and sat in the waiting chair. "At least this is more comfortable than those awful things at Rampart." he murmured. Johnny moved his head and shifted his body, mumbling something inarticulately. Roy laid a soothing hand on his partner's forehead and Johnny's breathing resumed it's deeper cadence. "That's right, partner, you just sleep," he told the younger man. "I'll sit in whatever chair I can or just stand, anything if I can just help you."

Writing on a pad next to the thermometer and the ready drinking cup caught his eye. He lifted it up and read it, smiling at his efficient wife. On it Jo had recorded each temp, the time when taken and when any medicines had been dispensed. "She missed her calling," he mused, "Jo woulda made a great head nurse." In his mind he could almost hear his wife's snort and comment '_What do you mean, 'would've', I AM a head nurse! How many times have I nursed somebody right here in this very room, Mr. DeSoto!? And that includes you!'_

He leaned back into the soft cushion of the chair then glanced at his watch. He corrected the motion as he realized his watch wasn't on left his wrist; it'd had to be removed do to the bulky bandage. After his shower, he'd placed it on his right wrist. He checked it. 2:35 am. Jo had allowed him several hours of good sleep. He was still tired, but not feeling the bone-weariness he had before. He yawned and stretched then looked back at the sleeping Johnny. According to the last time Jo had taken his temp it had been still down, 101 on the dot and that had been at 2 am. He wouldn't really need to check him again for at least a couple hours. Roy relaxed, watching the reassuring respirations of his friend.

Sudden squeaking from the daybed springs grabbed Roy's attention. '_Damn things are too noisy. I'm gonna oil them whether Jo likes it or not'_ was his first thought. His second was a curse on himself as he realized he'd fallen asleep and his next was a sinking feeling as he jumped to his feet and moved closer to his friend. Johnny was shaking, his whole body trembling , his teeth chattering as he tried to curl up as tightly as possible. His shivers were making the bed squeak. Roy knew instantly what the problem was. "On no, Johnny, no," he muttered as he laid a hand on the dark haired man's forehead. It was almost painfully hot. He ran to the doorway and shouted up toward the bedroom. "Jo! JoAnne! I need you down here! JoAnne! Wake up!"

He returned to the other man's side as Johnny began to moan. Rapid footsteps racing down the stairs told him his wife had heard him. She must have indeed been listening for his call, even as she slept.

JoAnne rushed into the room, her eyes wide. "Roy, I heard you. What's happening?" She glanced toward the bed and groaned, "Oh no, he's worse."

True enough, although Johnny had been fever flushed when she'd left, his face wasn't the dramatic combination of pale skin and deep ruddy cheeks that it now was. Although his eyes were open, there was no sign of awareness in their dark depths. He tried to curl up for warmth as his body shook with chills but this action along with the force of his shivers pulled on his damaged muscles and stitches, causing him to moan constantly.

"His fever's spiking." Roy kept his voice low as he tried to comfort his friend. "Johnny, try to relax. You're only making it worse."

"Hiya, macuwita, Hiya, hiya." Johnny moaned as Roy forced him once more back on his back. Roy looked up at his wife. "Jo, do we still have those old rubber water bottles?"

She thought for only a second on their location then nodded, "Fill them with ice water?" She asked even as she whirled around to the closet in the hall. She raced to the kitchen and Roy heard the sound of the ice tray being broken open, then the sound of the water running in the bathroom.

"Yes, we've got to bring his fever down." Roy held the thermometer under his friend's arm, with the unbandaged fingers of his left hand while his right firmly pinned Johnny on his back by pressure on his uninjured shoulder.. "He's shaking so bad I was afraid to put this in his mouth."

"What's he saying? Is he just babbling from the fever?" He could still hear his wife from the bathroom as she quickly filled the bottles.

"No, he's speaking in Dakota." Jo nodded to her husband as she re-entered the room. She knew that when extremely tired or under great stress Johnny sometimes slipped into the language of his youth. "What's he saying?"

Roy looked sadly at his wife, "He's begging me to stop, he's telling me he's cold."

Johnny tossed his head from side to side, "Macuwita, macuwita," he whimpered. Roy sighed heavily as he rested his hand on his partner's forehead. "No, Johnny." He spoke softly and soothingly, "You're not cold; you're chilling. Your fever is climbing. We have to cool you down." Roy removed the thermometer and rolled it into the light to read it. He sighed again and looked up at his wife. "104.6."

Jo winced as she glanced at their shaking friend. Johnny was burning up from the inside out. Roy was right; they had to get his fever down.

"Here's the three I could find. I made a couple more from ice wrapped in washcloths and put into plastic bags." Jo held out the laundry basket filled with the requested items as well as more towels.

Roy had pulled down the sheet and swiftly removed the scrubs Johnny had been wearing. Now he pulled the sheet back up to his partner's waist and grabbed the first water bottle. He gently placed it between Johnny's legs, clinching it up close to the other man's groin. Then he took the other two and placed them under each of Johnny's arms. The other bags they placed around Johnny's body. The sheet pulled snug against him with their weight but prevented the bags from being next to his over heated skin. Johnny tried to pull away from the added discomfort but he hadn't the strength. Instead he only shuddered and moaned.

Jo took the basin away and quickly returned with it refilled with cool water. Roy dipped a clean washcloth in it, wrung it out and begin wiping off Johnny's face, chest, neck and shoulders.

Johnny turned his head and looked up. His eyes caught on Roy and he blinked as if seeing him there for the first time. He wet his lips with a dry tongue and Roy placed the straw against them. But rather than drink as Roy expected, Johnny flinched from him. Stung, Roy pulled back.

Johnny was caught up in a world of hurt. The whole right side of his face felt swollen and painful, his chest felt tight causing his breath to come in gasps. His eyes burned, his head pounded and the shudders shaking his frame caused the newly healing muscles around his wounds to spasm. Suddenly a new unwelcomed sensation flooded his body from his groin and under his arms. Someone was pouring . . . icewater?? on him?? Couldn't they tell he was already freezing?? He pulled his aching eyes open wider and tried to look around; trying to see what was happening to him.

He blinked, trying to clear his blurry vision and made out the form of a face looming over him. He struggled to focus on it. Roy? It was Roy . . . and he was frowning. Johnny moved his head restlessly. Roy was mad at him; he remembered Roy had cursed at him while he hurt. Was Roy hurting him now? Why?

"Why?' he finally managed. He had to apologize, had to pacify Roy.

"Sorry," Johnny breathed, "'m sorry. Please stop. 'm men'ce; I admit. Please stop, please . . ." He tried to lift his arms but something pinned his wrists to the bed. Something else likewise held down his legs. Unknowingly his eyes filled with tears which began to spill out into his hair. He moved his head, the only thing he could move. "Please stop. Cold," he begged again, the fever had taken away all of his pride. "Let me go." He struggled more but too quickly tired. Maybe if he was respectful. "Please. Please, I'll . . .try . . .harder. Mr. . .Mr. DeSoto." He tried to focus on the blurry image above him but his burning eyes failed him and his eyelids began to close. "Why?" he questioned again. "Why?"

Roy felt like something had impacted his chest, causing his breath to rush out in a gasp when Johnny flinched away from him. Then those brown eyes filled with such pain and pleading it physically hurt Roy to see. But nothing compared to the agony he felt when Johnny's weak voice began to beg him to stop, or how badly the sight of the other man's tears affected him. He stepped quickly back away from the bed, only able to watch as Johnny's limited strength gave out and those soulful eyes closed once more.

Jo move forward taking his place, stroking Johnny's hair, crooning soothing words while she gently wiped off Johnny's face. Finally, heaving a great sigh, Johnny shuddered once and slipped back into an exhausted sleep. Once she was sure he was asleep and as comfortable as they could make him while keeping up the life-saving cooling measures, Jo turned her attention toward her husband.

Roy had backed himself into the far corner of the room where he watched with wide horrified eyes. She moved toward him, placing her hand on his arm as she said, "Roy?"

Roy's gaze stayed on his partner as his voice toned, "He's . . .he's afraid of me."

Jo tried to smile. "No, he's not."

Roy nodded and faced her, "Yes. Yes he is. Worse he thinks I'm deliberately hurting him." He scrubbed at his face hard and groaned loudly. "Oh God JoAnne! What have I done!" He dropped his hands and looked at her, his eyes filled with tears of regret. "To think that he could even consider I would torture him like that."

Jo struggle for words to deny what her husband said. To tell the truth, the younger man's tears and words had impacted her as well. In her head, she knew that what they were doing was needed to bring down the fever robbing him of life. And her head knew that deep inside Johnny knew it too. But her heart ached over the childlike pleading. At this moment, Johnny wasn't a highly trained paramedic. He only knew he hurt and he was cold and someone he'd once trusted was making the pain and discomfort he felt worse.


	28. Chapter 28

OK, I know it's been a while but we are finishing up. Thanks to all the wonderful feedback I've gotten. Thanks to those who have hung with me on this…epic. I hope to do justice for you all but more that anything else, I have to be true to the story. Soooo hope you like it…..

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Roy placed the newly refilled basin by the side of the bed, took the cloth from over Johnny's forehead and rinsed for about the hundredth time. Only this time as he did, he laid his hand on his partner's cheek first. His breath caught, dare he hope? He took the thermometer, shook it down and carefully placed it into his friend's mouth, holding it in position as he timed it. To the anxious paramedic, those three minutes were the longest he'd ever experienced. Finally he removed it from Johnny's mouth and with his breath held, read it. He let his breath out in one big whoosh. Finally! "101.8. Well, it's a far cry from normal, partner, but I'll take it." He chuckled as he replaced the cloth on Johnny's forehead. "Not that anyone can say anything about you is normal." Johnny moved his head, his face making a grimace as he gave a faint moan. Instantly Roy laid his hand on his partner's head, smoothing his hair as if he were a child. Johnny's face relaxed once more, his features again slack. Roy sighed, "I don't care, Johnny. I really don't care. I'll take you in what ever form you are, just . . .just hang in there, partner. And get well."

His breath quickened as Roy suddenly had a flash of how his life would be without his best friend, as he actually let himself feel how much he'd missed Johnny over the last three weeks. And it could have been forever. This was a reprieve, a possible second chance, and Roy was determined to make the best of it. As he looked closer at his friend, Roy could now see more evidence that the fever had broken. The fever color in Johnny's cheeks had faded and sweat now soaked the younger man. Roy knew he'd have to give Johnny a sponge bath but right now, Johnny was sleeping peaceably for the first time in several hours and he was loathe to disturb that.

Roy decided that while Johnny was in a healing sleep, he would take the time to do things he needed. With one last glance back at the figure on the bed, he left the room. Once he'd taken care of his own morning routine, he glanced at his watch. 9:30. They'd been battling Johnny's fever for over 4 hours. He walked into the kitchen and found his wife at the table, her head barely held up over a cup of coffee, her eyes closed. He smiled and touched her shoulder. She started briefly then looked up, her eyes worried.

"Johnny?" She asked.

Roy smiled, "His fever broke. I just checked him, it's now just under 102 and finally headed in the right direction."

Jo let out a deep sigh and her body slumped in the chair. He leaned down and kissed her. "Honey, why don't you go on back to bed. I'm just gonna get something to eat then I'll go back with Johnny."

"The bed'll need changed if his fever broke." Jo murmured. Roy nodded. "I know, I'll do it in a while. He's finally in a good sleep and I don't want to disturb him."

Jo nodded, knowing the younger man needed sleep in order to heal. She looked at her watch then nodded. "Alright. Let me throw in another load of laundry then I'll head upstairs." She pointed toward the small toaster oven. "I heated up some sausages and pancakes for you. And there's fresh coffee."

He kissed the top of her head, "Thank you."

Jo reached up and caressed his bristly cheek, "I know." She stood, emptied the remains in her cup into the sink, rinsed it and placed it within. As she turned toward the doorway, she suddenly stopped and turned back, "Roy, the spare sheets for the daybed are folded in the closet in there. I'd put them out on the line after I got Johnny settled." She gave a wan smile, "You know how much he likes the smell of sheets dried in the sun."

Roy reached out and pulled her into a hug, "He's gonna be alright, Jo" he murmured into her auburn hair, "You have to believe that."

She nodded and kissed his bewhiskered chin, "I do, really I do." Then she pulled away from her husband and made her way upstairs. Roy pulled out the plate from the toaster oven and bit into the pancake wrapped sausage—one of his favorite quick breakfasts and one that Jo routinely had a frozen supply of just for that reason.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat wearily in the seat his wife had vacated to eat his breakfast. As he chewed, his mind listed all the things he needed to do. He was going to have a busy day. Once his breakfast was consumed and the plate washed, Roy took another full cup and went back to the sunroom. Johnny was still in a deep sleep, his chest moving easily with his respirations, his color a little better. Roy placed his coffee on the table next to the cup of jello water Jo had made up for Johnny earlier. He took the pad and entered the time and the latest temp he'd taken. Then he flipped the page and began making a list of the things he needed to do.

A slight creaking of the bed followed by a shuddering breath brought his thoughts out of his own wallows and he focused on his partner. Johnny's head moved as he grimaced then a soft whimper came from the barely parted lips. Roy instantly went to his side. His hand going to his friend's shoulder as he spoke soothing words, "It's all right Johnny. Relax. You're all right." He noticed Johnny's breathing pattern had changed and figured that Johnny was waking up. He went to the closet and removed the fresh sheets, laying them in the chair by the bedside. "I'm gonna go ahead and bathe you, Johnny. Then I'll change the sheets. How's that sound, partner?" Roy talked softly to his patient, not sure how conscious he was but not wanting to startle him either.

As Johnny's awareness of self grew, he also became aware of a voice talking to him. A faint thought came that his hearing had improved, but the thought could find nowhere to settle in his fuzzy mind so it slipped away. He tried to concentrate on the voice; it was familiar but Johnny wasn't sure he wanted to hear what the voice was saying to him. He hurt. Had the voice hurt him? He knew that voices could lie, they would say nice things and then they would hurt him. Now he felt hands on him and couldn't help flinching slightly.

Again came the voice but Johnny concentrated instead on the hands. Voices lied, he knew that. Voices said nice things or quoted promises and then went back on them. Or voices said one thing when others were around to hear, but changed when alone. Hands didn't lie. Hands, he'd found, were more honest. They either helped him or hurt him. He'd lie there meekly and unresisting, waiting to see what these hands would do.

He felt the bandages being taken from his body, felt the cool air as it struck his skin. Then the wounds were covered once more. Now he heard water and then a cloth began bathing his face and neck. Then the soothing cloth slid gently over his chest and arms, bringing blessed relief from the heat he felt. He couldn't help or really want to stop the sigh that escaped him. The hands and cloth continued their bathing of his body, carefully washing away the sweat, making him feel refreshed. The hands were kind, comforting in their ministrations. The voice had continued and now he listened a little closer. The hands had shown him that this person meant him well, maybe the voice would also.

To his surprise, he heard, "There, Johnny. Doesn't that feel better? You sweated pretty heavily last night but I think your fever might be ending now. I'll check it again when we finish. Just relax, Johnny. I'm taking care of you, just relax Junior. When I get done here, I'll change the bedding as well. That'll make you feel even better, I bet. Who doesn't like relaxing in a nice bed with fresh sheets. JoAnne even hung them out on the line to dry just for you. She knows you like the smell that gives them."

Roy? That sounded like Roy's voice? But . . . Roy was angry with him; Roy had screamed at him. He had a faint memory of pain and being cold and Roy's frowning face. Had Roy hurt him?? His mind a little clearer now, Johnny could think. No. Roy had said fever, and had talked about him sweating. His fever must have spiked, the subsequent chilling would have made him feel cold. And being the good paramedic he knew his partner was, Roy would've initiated cooling measures. That's where the visions of his body being packed in ice must have come from.

He moved his leg slightly. Ok, he wasn't strapped down, so that image was wrong. He knew he was still at the DeSoto's house, and in the sunroom. He could tell by the smell, the feel of the bed he lay on and the angle of the sun on his face. He lay completely compliant as the bath ended and he was rolled first to one side, then the other, his body braced against his partner's body as the sheets were changed. Then his limbs were thoughtfully repositioned in as comfortable a position as possible with the heavy casts still on. He heard the words spoken to him but the strange detachment he'd felt over the last few days still had a hold of him. Right now, he just didn't care.

Roy's hands were caring and compassionate as well as thorough and carefully. This confused Johnny. Roy's treatment of him over the last few weeks had been anything but those things. He could hear the things Roy was saying, but he was apprehensive about trusting them. Was Roy now just being a good caretaker? Just doing his 'job' so to speak because he -Johnny- was sick? Johnny wasn't sure. And he was equally unsure about whether he wanted to find out one way or another. There was one thing he was sure of, he was exhausted. He had no energy or even inclination to move or talk or even to remain awake. So without even giving any sign he was aware, and making only one decision—that being wait and see—Johnny allowed sleep to pull him under once more.

Roy saw all the signs that his partner was waking up—the lighter respirations, the eye movement under the thin lids, the slight shifting of Johnny's body—and his own breath quickened. He continued the bath and changed the sheets, his words of comfort softly spoken as he did. Once more he tried to tell his friend how he really felt. "Johnny, I want you to know how sorry I am. It was never you, you didn't do anything wrong. I was the screw up, it was all in my own head, Jenny's injury really threw me and I got this crazy idea that if I controlled everything, it would never happen again. I'm sorry about the way I treated you. I'm sorry my little god-act hurt you. I understand if you can never forgive me but please, please know that I will do everything I can to help you."

He stopped, his throat feeling thick. There had been no reaction from the figure on the bed, no sign Johnny even heard but Roy had to say this. "I know that right now you probably can't understand me. Maybe you don't _**want**_ to understand me and for that I won't . . . can't . . blame you. You have every right to tell me to get the hell outta your life. And I will keep telling you this until you _**can**_ understand me." He gave a faint chuckle as he acknowledged, "Even if you _**do**_ tell me to get the hell out." He reached out a hand, laying it gently on Johnny's shaggy head, "But please partner, please, more that anything else, get better. I don't want anything from you, don't deserve anything after what I've done. But, _**you must**_ get better."

Roy watched, silent now as Johnny's respirations deepened once more and he knew his friend was again asleep. With a sigh echoing from his own hurting soul, Roy retook his place in the seat by the bed. It was there that his wife found him a couple hours later. She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and he reached up to place his hand over hers, giving it a slight squeeze.

"He's still sleeping," She murmured. Roy nodded. "That's best for him right now." He motioned to the pad of paper. "His temp is still coming down, 101 on the dot now. I washed him and changed the sheets." He gave a faint grin, "I think he liked that."

Jo patted his shoulder, "I'm sure he did."

Roy nodded, "He hasn't had any Tylenol or his meds since earlier this morning. When he wakes, we'll have to get him to take them and try to get more fluids as well as some food into him. He'll need fluids after all that sweating."

Jo nodded and kissed the top of her husband's thinning head of hair. "Go take a nap. I'll watch over him now. I have some broth in the freeze, I'll heat that up if he wakes."

Without any argument, Roy conceded and made his weary way toward his own bed.

Once Jo was sure her husband had headed off, and Johnny was still sleeping, she went into the kitchen. She pulled the container of broth from the freezer and placed it in a sauce pan on the stove. She turned the eye onto low to allow it to melt and warm up. Then she poured herself a glass of tea before walking back into the sunroom. She settled herself into the chair, sipping her tea and looking out the window.

She watched as birds flew to and from the birdfeeder that Chris and Johnny had made and placed near the window so she could watch the birds while she sewed. Without thinking she began talking in a soft voice, "It's a beautiful day out today, Johnny. The birds have really been busy at the feeder. I guess before nightfall I'll have to have Roy refill it." She looked up into the blue sky. "It's a perfect day for being outside, it's not too hot yet but it's nicely warm. It'll be a great weekend for Chris's first days at camp."

The squeak of the bedsprings alerted her and she turned her attention to the bedridden figure. Brown eyes blinked lazily at her. She smiled in greeting.

"Hi Johnny. I didn't mean to wake you, I know you need the sleep." She placed her glass on the table and picked up the jello water. She placed the straw on his lips, saying, "Here Johnny. You need to drink. You sweated an awful lot and you don't need to get dehydrated."

He drank, his eyes never moving from her face. After a few moments, he pulled slightly back. "Johnny? Do you need to go . . .?" She nodded her head toward the hallway. He looked confused for a instant then shook his head. She frowned, "Are you sure? You haven't been in several hours. I can help you or if you'd rather I'm sure Roy would."

Johnny again shook his head. Jo sighed, "Well, I have your medicines here, can you take them?"

He moved to try to sit up more but failed in the attempt. Immediately she helped him to sit up, bracing him with more pillows from the stack nearby. She grabbed the pills, moving to place them into his hand but instead he merely opened his mouth. She keep a straight face as she plopped the pills within then offered the straw again. She didn't want him to see how it worried her that he was so weak. He swallowed the pills, drank more then pulled away again, letting the straw pull from his mouth, silently signaling he was finished. This time she did frown. '_Why isn't he talking? He talked yesterday. He talked last night_.' she worried. "_He's too silent. I don't think I like a silent Johnny_.'

She noticed that ever since she faced him, his eyes had never left hers. She smiled now and was faintly relieved to see one corner of his mouth slightly raise in reply. She reached out and smoothed back his hair from his forehead. It was a motherly/sisterly gesture and just felt right. She saw his lips move upward again. "Johnny, you need to eat something. I've got some nice pork broth heated up. I was going to make some of my vegetable soup with it. Would you like some?" He hesitated and she continued, "Johnny, you need to eat. Your body needs to be nourished, you know how important that is. Please? For me?"

He blinked at her then slowly gave a nod. She smiled brightly and patted his shoulder, "Good. I'll go get it. You stay right here." He nodded again and leaned back heavily into the pillows.

She hurried to the kitchen, took the broth and after checking that it was warmed but not too hot, she hesitated at the counter. With a quick nod, she decided and poured the contents into a mug. She grabbed a few crackers and hurried back into the room.

"Here we go, Johnny." She said as she entered. She saw as she did that Johnny had been staring out the same window she had been earlier but now he slowly turned his head back toward her. She sat in the chair and placed the mug against his lips. They parted and she carefully tilted the cup, watching as he sipped the warm brew.

"That's right. Smells good, doesn't it? It's from a roast I made and I tell you the meat was so good, I knew the drippings would make good soup." She chatted happily to him as he took several sips, his eyes again focused on her. It wasn't long though before he closed his mouth and slightly turned his head.

"That wasn't much, Johnny," she couldn't keep the disappointment from her voice. "Are you sure you can't take a little more?"

He shook his head and sighed. She took the mug and placed it on the table. "How about some crackers?"

Again he shook his head.

"Well, ok. I'll keep it warmed and maybe you can have some in a little while." She put the mug on the table next to the jello water. When she looked back, Johnny's eyes were closed and his head had lolled to the side. She tucked the sheet carefully around him, stopping to smooth it over his bare chest. "oh Johnny," she murmured, "I wish there was more I could do for you."

The fingers on his left hand rose slightly and she placed her hand over his, felt a brief tightening of his fingers on hers then they relaxed once more. She sat that way for quite awhile, her hand holding his.

The next time Johnny woke, she took his temp. "Still 101, Johnny." she told him as she marked the pad. She offered him more broth and he managed to get nearly a third of the mug down before he pulled away. She offered him the jello water next and he took a few sips then his eyes sleepily closed once more.

This routine repeated twice more, Jo managing to get nearly the entire mug into Johnny and a half a glass of jello water. She knew it wasn't nearly what he needed but it was more than he had had. By now the sun was no longer coming in through the window and a glance at her watch told her it was now nearly 1:30. Just as she was wondering about her husband, she heard the sound of his feet coming down the stairs. She looked toward the door and smiled at him as he stopped in the doorway. She rose and met him there, glancing back at their friend lying in the bed.

"How's he doing?" Roy asked, worry clearly showing in his blue eyes.

"I got him to eat almost a full mug of broth but he wouldn't take any crackers. I gave him his meds about 2 hours ago. He drank more jello water but that's all. His temp is still 101." She gave her report. Roy sighed, shaking his head. "Has he been . . .?

Now Jo shook her head. Roy frowned, "He's not getting enough fluids." Jo nodded, then shrugged her shoulders, "I know but what can we do?"

Roy's mouth set in a line. "I know what I'm going to do. I'm going over to Rampart and talk to Brackett. Maybe he can sign out an order for an IV. Or admit him."

Jo sighed, "He didn't want to be in the hospital, Roy, that's why I brought him here."

Now Roy sighed, "I know. But I'm worried about that fever _and_ his lack of intake _and_ his not eating. At least there they can give his something."

Jo bit her lip and Roy looked at her closely, "What? Jo, what?"

Jo shrugged again, "I don't know, it might not be anything but . . ." She looked up into her husband's face, his eyes echoing the worry she felt, "He hasn't said anything. Not one word at any time he's been awake. He kinda smiled at me but he didn't even try to speak."

Roy pulled her into a hug, and her next words came out muffled as she said them into his chest. "It's just not natural, Roy. A silent, still Johnny just isn't right."

He nodded and kissed the top of her head. "I know. I'm worried myself." He murmured.

Unknown to both DeSoto's Johnny was awake and his improved hearing at work. But he still held to his earlier decision of 'wait and see.'

After several long moments, Roy kissed his wife again and spoke. "I'm gonna run over to Johnny's place and make sure someone is taking care of his animals. I know he'll be worried about that. Then I'm going over to Rampart and talk to Brackett. I'll see you in a few hours. I don't know how long I'll be at Johnny's. If no one has taken care of the horses, yet, well . . .?"

Jo nodded. "Alright. I'll see you when you get back." She looked at her watch again, "Joyce is supposed to be bringing Jenny back around 6 tonight. I figured we'd have Chicken ala King tonight. Jenny loves it and it should be gentle enough we might get Johnny to eat some."

As the couple made their plans and said their good-byes, Johnny thought to himself. '_Roy's going voluntarily to take care of my animals? But he doesn't like mucking stalls . . . and PQ hates him_.' He let those thoughts brew even as he fell back asleep.

Roy was having much the same thoughts a little less then an hour later as he pulled into Johnny's driveway and exited his car. The first thing he noticed was that both horses were in the pasture and the barn door was open. The second thing he noticed was the dog standing in front of his with its head down and its hackles up.

"Ummmm, nice doggy, good doggy. I'm not here to hurt anyone." Roy was so concentrated on the dog before him the voice startled him badly as it demanded, "Can I help you with something?" He turned to see a broad shouldered man standing not two feet from him, his stance wary. Piercing blue eyes looked him quickly over from head to toe and before he could reply, the man's stance relaxed. "You're one of Johnny's friends. I've seen you around here before." He stuck a calloused hand out. "I'm Bud Spenser. I live just down the way."

Roy nodded as he shook hands, "Roy DeSoto, Johnny's partner. You're the one who owns Sofie." He nodded to the chestnut filly in the pasture along with Johnny's paint.

Bud nodded, "Yeap." He looked down at the dog who was still on alert, but reaching out to sniff at Roy's clothes. "Tezi, settle." He commanded. The dog ignored him as he sniffed fully up to Roy's hands, a low growl now being voiced. Bud reached out and grabbed the dog by the collar, jerking him back and into a sit. "Settle!" he commanded again and this time the dog dropped to all fours, but his odd eyed gaze held firm on the stranger. Bud gave Roy an apologetic shrug. "Johnny just got him a few weeks ago. He's still a pup really. Listens real good to Johnny and my girl but he likes to push me."

As Roy looked at the dog, he realized this must have been the stray Johnny had told them about hanging around the house, the one Jenny was trying to feed when she had her . . ."

Bud was still talking. "I've been worried about Johnny. I haven't seen him in two days. He wasn't lookin' so good when he came home from the hospital. Did they put him back in?"

Roy shook his head, "No. Johnny's at my house. He's got a bit of an infection and he didn't want to stay in the hospital so we're nursing him there." He pointed at the dog. "He probably smells Johnny on me."

Bud nodded, "That's probably it." He then went on to ask more questions about Johnny which Roy answered. The two men talked as Bud completed the work he'd begun in the barn. Roy watched this older man who seemed so familiar to his friend's house and finally had to ask. "So, you met Johnny when he moved out here?"

To his surprise the big man grinned and shook his head, "Nope. I've known Johnny for years," He commented, "I was engineer on the truck Johnny was a boot on."

Roy blinked in his surprise. "Johnny never told me that." Bud nodded as he finished refilling the feed bin and placed the empty sack in its proper place. Dusting off his hands, he walked back over to Roy. Roy looked off toward the house and lifted the empty bag in his hand. "I . . . uh . . .came over to get some of his stuff, you know, his kit, changes of clothes, that sorta thing."

Bud nodded and motioned toward the house, "I gotta put this mail in on his table." The two walked into the house and Roy quickly gathered the needed items and walked back out just as Bud was exiting. Roy glanced at the man and started again, "So, you knew Johnny as a boot."

Bud nodded, "Yeap. He's changed a lot from those days."

Now Roy was curious, and encouraged the man with his, "Oh?"

"Yeap. He had it pretty tough back then. Not only was he so young – and looked it, poor kid—but he was the first minority in that station. He took a lot of abuse, if you know what I mean." He shook his head at the memories "And scrawny. You wouldn't believe how. I was afraid to open the line wide whenever he was on it, sure it would take off with him." He grinned, "My wife took one look at him and cried. She vowed right then and there that she was gonna fatten him up." He chuckled, "She sure tried but no matter how much he ate—and that boy could pack it away—he never gained weight.' He looked up at Roy. "She's gonna wanna send over food for him. Your wife gonna mind?"

Roy smiled and shook his head, "Where feeding Johnny is concerned, we'll take all the help we can get."

Bud frowned and gave a curt nod, "Yeah. I saw how thin he got again. That boy goes off his feed for one day and drops weight immediately."

Roy looked down but didn't comment.

Bud squinted his eyes as he got lost in his memories. "Johnny's changed, like I said. I lost track of him over the last few years after my forced retirement." He slapped at his leg. Roy had noticed the limp and nodded in understanding.

"I'd heard he put in for the paramedic program. After that he came over to our other place once or twice, we exchanged cards at Christmas and stuff but didn't see each other much. Then I bought my place." He pointed back over his shoulder. "We were here for about a year when we noticed this place had been finally sold." He grinned in memory, "and boy was I surprised to meet the new owner."

Roy grinned as well. "Johnny."

Bud grinned, his eyes twinkling, "Yeap. And boy had he changed in those three years. He was brighter, more talkative and his energy . . ." He shook his head, "He always had a lot before but it was a kinda skittish energy, like a colt ready to bolt from his own shadow. But when we saw him again he was like a colt turned loose into a green pasture, ready to race in the sun and just enjoy life." He paused as he said it, then nodded, "Yeah, like he was enjoying life."

Roy made a pained face. He knew Johnny had bought the ranch only a year previously and he suspected it was life at 51's that had made the changes Bud had seen as much as the completion of the dream of owning his own place.

Bud continued on, unaware of Roy's thoughts. "He told me all about the paramedics and his training and his working with you." Bud nodded, "A good program. Needed. I've seen some die I wondered if we coulda saved 'em if we coulda done somethin' earlier."

He looked back over at Roy, "And I bet he's good at it."

Roy immediately answered, "One of the best."

Bud nodded, "I figured. That boy don't do anything by half. For him it's all or nothing'"

Bud looked up at the sun, squinting as he said, "Well, I'd best head back home. I'll tell Mary about Johnny. I know she'll wanna fix him something right away."

"Hold on a second," Roy placed the bag of Johnny's effects into his car then pulled out a pad of paper. He quickly scribbled down his name, number and address then handed it to Bud. "Here. Just give a call first. I'd hate for you to make the trip and we not be home for some reason." Bud nodded, folded the paper and stick it into his front pocket. Then he paused and reached out a hand back to Roy. "I'd better let you know ours as well." Roy handed the pad over and soon it was handed back with Bud's writing on it. "If you need anything, if Johnny needs anything, please, give us a call." Bud's eyes held the sincerity of his words. Roy extended his hand and Bud eagerly shook it.

"We will. Thanks."

Bud nodded, "You tell Johnny not to worry about anything here. Lisa and I will take care of everything. Tell him just to concentrate on getting better."

Roy climbed into his car and shut the door. "I will. And I know Johnny will feel better knowing you're taking care of things."

Bud leaned on the window as he grinned again, "He's a good kid, always was, and a good neighbor. This is just our time to get ta pay him back for all the things he's done for us." That said he slapped the car door and turned toward his own car. Roy watched him climb in then followed him out of Johnny's driveway. Bud turned right, tooting his horn as he headed toward his house and Roy turned left headed back out to the main road.

The hallway of Rampart's ER was currently fairly empty, only a few nurses bustled about going on their separate tasks as Head Nurse Dixie McCall leaned back over her charts with a sigh. Out of the corner of her eyes, Dixie caught sight of a tall figure who had been walking slowly down the hallway and now stopped. She immediately recognized the person and watched covertly as his shoulders heaved in a great sigh then he hesitantly started forward once more. She kept her head down, her attention seemingly on the chart before her as he approached her. Several heartbeats passed as he halted in front of her desk then shifted nervously from one foot to another. At his soft, "Hi Dixie." she slowly raised her head and looked at him, her face carefully expressionless.

"Hello Roy. I heard you were in here yesterday." She nodded toward his bandaged arm. He glanced at it and nodded. "Yeah. I . . .uh was." An awkward pause then, "I . . .missed you yesterday."

"I was otherwise occupied." She stated blandly. He nodded and sighed. "Yeah, I know. I heard you helped Jo bring Johnny over." She didn't comment.

Another awkward pause and another sigh. "Listen Dixie, I'm sorry."

She raised an eyebrow at that but still made no comment. '_She's not going to make this in any way easy for me,_' Roy mused. '_Well, I can't say I blame her. That's the least I deserve.' _ "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting for the last few weeks. I've been a real ass." once he started, the words rushed forth. "I've already apologized to Cap and all the guys and I'm on my way to talk with Dr. Brackett if he's in but I wanted to tell you how sorry I was too."

She nodded now but her gaze remained neutral. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to, Roy."

He sighed again and picked at his wrapped hand. "I know. I've already tried to talk with him but I don't think he really heard me." He looked up at her then and she was pleased to see the determination on his face. "But I'm not gonna stop. I'm gonna keep trying until he does hear me. I owe him that." His head dropped again, "That and a hellofa lot more."

Silence reigned. Then Roy sighed again. "This isn't easy." He mumbled.

Dixie raised an elegant brow, "It shouldn't be, Roy DeSoto."

He nodded, his head down again. "I wish I could just go back and undo all that happened, but . . ." He raised his head and looked her in the eye. "He may never forgive me and I . . . I have to accept . . . I _**have**_ accepted that."

"You hurt him—badly." she accused and he nodded. "I know. And I know he may want nothing to do with me ever again." He sighed, "And if that's the case, I'll respect his wishes. But right now I'm more concerned on getting him back on his feet."

Again silence then Dixie asked, "How is he?"

Roy sighed and gave a faint shrug. "Not so good. That's one of the reasons I want to see Dr. Brackett. I mean, I need to apologize but more importantly, I need to let him know about Johnny."

Dixie pointed down the hall. "Kel's in his office." Roy nodded and raised his hand then dropped it back to his side, whatever he was going to say dying off unspoken. He turned and took two steps in that direction before her voice stopped him.

"Roy."

He turned to see a gentle smile now on her face. "I think you're finally on the right track. Don't give up on him."

Dixie was pleased to see the look of purpose on his face and hear the steel in his voice as he replied, "Never. I'll never give up on him, no matter how long it takes."

Kelly Brackett was in the middle of dictation when a light tap sounded on his door. He stopped the tape machine. closed the file in front of him and called out, "Come in."

To his surprise when the door opened, the face that peered in at him was one of his paramedics. He stood up, motioning as he said, "Roy! Come in sit down."

"Uhhh, If you're not busy right now Doc, I uh…." Roy felt tongue-tied and made a feeble gesture with his hand.

"No, not busy at all." The dark haired doctor assured him, "Just trying to catch up on some paperwork."

He motioned toward the chair in front of his desk and once the man perched on the edge of it, he walked around and sat on the edge of his desk. "I heard about your hand." He motioned toward the bandages and Roy raised said hand and nodded, "Yeah,"

Silence.

"Is there something wrong with it? Do you need to be looked at?" Brackett tried to guess what was going on.

Roy looked at his hand and shook his head, "No, no it's just fine. Uhhh, I mean that's not why I came in."

Brackett waited a few more moments before he crossed his arms across his chest and asked, "Well then why did you come in?"

Roy took a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh, "Doc, I'm just gonna blurt it all out here. "I have two reasons for comin' in here today. First. . . First I want to apologize for the way I've acted over these last three weeks. I know that you sent Kent to train with me . . . Johnny and me, and I screwed that up. Don't blame Kent and please, definitely don't blame Johnny. He really did try to give Kent the same kind of training we have others but I . . . I wouldn't let him."

He sighed and ran his hand trough his hair, pausing with it on the back of his neck. Then he raised his head and looked straight into his boss's eyes. "It's all my fault. I got a wild notion in my head that if I was control of everything then something like what happened to Jenny wouldn't ever happen again." He raised his hands in a helpless gesture. "I was wrong, dead wrong and both Kent and Johnny paid the price, . ." He paused as he swallowed hard, his voice softer, "Mostly Johnny."

He sat back down again, his shoulders hunched as he finished with, "I think it would be best if you pulled me from the training program. I'm not fit to teach anyone anything."

"Well, now Roy, let's not be too hasty. I will admit I'm disappointed in your actions." The doctor regarded his paramedic.

Roy nodded, "Yeah, well, that makes two of us."

"Now let me finish. I'm disappointed in your actions because the reason I send so many to train with you and Johnny is because of the team you two make. That being said, I'll say this. You are human and humans make mistakes. The best thing you can do is face the mistake and learn from it." He smiled crookedly, "Even doctors make mistakes. Roy."

At that Roy looked at him, puzzled. "I uh… didn't check as thoroughly into exactly what kind of training Kent had there in San Diego. But that has been corrected and now we have a plan in place for any others who come into the program from elsewhere. As far as Kent goes, well, I want him to take a equivalency exam, to see what his strong points and weak points are and then follow up with a refresher course. I think then he'll do just fine." Brackett smiled at his friend.

"I'd be glad to help him," Roy offered, spreading his hands out, "in studying or . . or whatever."

"I'd rather see you _**and**_ Johnny help him, Roy." The doctor said as he laid a hand on Roy's shoulder. Roy looked down. "I'm not so sure Johnny will ever work with me again after what I've done." He lamented.

"Don't give up yet, Roy. I haven't. On either one of you." He slapped the man's shoulder and got a half-hearted grin in reaction.

Roy straightened up. "Doc, that brings me to the second part. It's . . . it's about Johnny."

Now Brackett's eyebrows went up as he asked, "Oh?"

Roy nodded and proceeded to report on his partner's night and current behavior as well as his progress. Brackett picked up a pencil and tapped the eraser on his lip as he considered his paramedic's report. "I agree with you, Roy. I'm worried about dehydration as well." He turned and grabbed a pad and began scribbling on it. "I want you to start an IV on him, let's get some more fluids into him and see if that helps. By all means, keep trying to get him to eat, whatever he wants or whatever his stomach can tolerate. I think I'll stop by if you don't mind and take a look at him myself."

"So you don't think we should bring him in? You think it's alright for him to stay there?" Roy looked unsure as he glanced at the paper he'd been handled.

Brackett placed his hand on his paramedic's shoulder as he followed him through the door. "Roy, I think Johnny is getting all the treatment he needs right where he is, he might even be getting better treatment right now at your place." At his confused look, Brackett smiled. "We've been hit with a rash of summer flu, half the nursing staff are out. And to tell you the truth, I'd rather Johnny not even be exposed to this. No, Roy, he's better off with you."

"We know you'll take good care of him." Dix added and Roy was surprised to find her right behind him. She took the paper from his hand and told him, "You just wait here and I'll get these for you."

Before long, Dix returned with a box filled with supplies. She handed it to Roy with a smile. "Here you go, Roy. Kel said to tell you he'll try to stop by sometime this evening but since we're both pulling a double, it'll probably be tomorrow before he can get out there."

Roy hefted the box and gave her a smile. "Ok, Dix." He turned to go and she called out, "Roy?"

He turned, his eyebrows raised in question. She smiled, "I'm happy to see you back."

He smiled, "I'm happy to be back." But his eyes dimmed as he added, "I'll be even happier when my partner is back as well." Then he turned and left. The nurse watched until he disappeared around the corner, then sighed, "From your lips to God's ears, Roy. May it be." She murmured a heart-felt prayer for both her friends.


	29. Chapter 29

OK, to continue with my train metaphor, last chapter we got Roy onto the right track, now this chapter we get Johnny headed the right way. Pretty soon, we should get them finally at some destination together...right??

Thanks for the continued feedback and support. We are really getting close now....

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Once Roy opened the door and walked into his house, his wife immediately came out of the sunroom to meet him. "How is he?" Roy's voice rang with worry.

Jo shrugged, "The same. I got him to drink a little more and he ate a couple crackers but his temp is still about 101."

Roy sighed then hefted the box he held. "Brackett approved an IV. He agreed that dehydration might be causing some of this lethargy. He's planning on coming out tomorrow and checking Johnny over himself.'

Jo nodded and glanced at her watch. "I'd better get started on dinner. Jenny and Joyce will be here any time."

"I'm gonna start him on this," Roy headed down the hallway. As he entered the sunroom, he looked his partner over carefully but couldn't see any change from when he'd seen him last. Johnny had his eyes closed, his head tilted slightly to the side as if he'd fallen asleep while looking out the window. Roy checked the notes and nodded at the information his wife had recorded. He placed the box in the chair and moved closer to the bed. He placed his hand on the sleeping man's shoulder and gently shook him. "Johnny? Johnny, can you hear me?"

He waited a few moments as Johnny's head moved slightly then his eyes cracked open and he turned slowly toward Roy. Roy held up an IV setup then gave a faint grin as he saw Johnny sigh. "Sorry partner. Brackett's afraid you're getting low on fluids so he ordered an IV to go." Roy began inspecting Johnny's arms, trying to find a site for the insertion. His frown deepened as he realized the extent of damage to his friend's arms and the lack of good sites. "Where can I stick you?" he murmured, his voice resounding his distress, "You're just one massive wound." Roy looked at his partner's face, saw his eyes open and watching him. As he looked into those brown eyes he saw a flash of …something …then Johnny slightly shifted his head, deliberately extending his neck.

Roy immediately understood but felt a cold rush down his spine as he shook his head. "Ahhh, Johnny." He shook his head harder, "no. I . . .no, I don't want . . .not there." He knew it was an option, a logical one at that if dehydration had made other sites unusable, but every fiber in him revolted at the thought.

Johnny only flexed his neck again then angled his head so he again looked Roy in the eye. The look in those blue eyes made him blink in surprise. '_**Wha..? He's upset! Really upset!**_**' **Johnny wondered**. "**_**Why? If it's needed so bad he got Brackett to OK it then why should it matter where?'**_

Roy shook his head slowly, "No, Johnny, not there. Only as a last option." He bent his head closer, intent on finding another site, anywhere but . . . He didn't know why the thought of starting an IV in Johnny's jugular vein was so upsetting. Yeah, it could be a tricky site but he'd done it before on victims. Just not on him, not on . . . "Here." He palpitated the area he'd found on the backside of Johnny's arm safely above the bandages. "I'll try here. Ok now Johnny, you know the drill."

He swabbed down the area and readied the needle. "Little stick," he muttered instinctively and felt Johnny's arm tense in his. He sent a quick prayer up, '_**Please, please let me get it easy**__.' _He held his breath and pushed the needle under the skin. "Damn!" he felt the vein roll away. He pulled the needle back, trying hard to ignore the intake of breath from the ill man and advanced the needle again. This time he made contact and the chamber flashed with red. Quickly he completed the setup and finally taped it all down. He attached the bag to the pole he'd previously attached to the bed frame and adjusted the flow, making sure it was running properly. He smiled at Johnny as he placed the now IV pierced arm by his side, "There you go. Now you just lay there and enjoy your D5W."

Roy's spirits rose in hope as Johnny rolled his eyes slightly at that then returned his gaze out the window. Roy felt compelled to talk with his injured partner seeing as how he seemed to be fairly alert and listening right now. "Johnny, I need to tell you somethings." He sat down and moved closer.

Johnny heard the trepidation on Roy's voice and guessed what was to come. However, he kept his gaze on the window and made no outward signs of acknowledgment.

"I've said it before and I'm gonna keep on saying it until you tell me to shut up." Roy waited briefly but Johnny made no signs, no moves, nothing. He continued. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I put you through. I'm sorry I was such an ass to you. I'm sorry I hurt you."

In Johnny's head he heard echoed again, '_**You're sorry. You're sorry. That's all you seem capable of lately, saying you're sorry. Well I admit, you are sorry. As sorry a piece of work as I've ever seen.'**_ He winced.

Roy saw the wince and moved closer still, his hand going to Johnny's upper arm.

"I . . . I won't try to make excuses because really, there is no excuse for the way I acted."

Now Johnny focused on him, but his thoughts stayed his own, no emotion showed on his face or in his brown eyes.

"There's no excuse for the way I was behaving and there's no excuse for the way I was treating everyone, " Roy ducked his head briefly. "Especially how I treated you." Then he took a deep breath and moved so he looked his partner straight in the eye. "I hurt you. I know that. And no matter what I say now, that will not change."

_**'Well, you got that right at least, **__**Pally**__**' **_Johnny felt emotion flood him for the first real time in nearly two weeks and to his surprise, it was anger.

"The one thing I can do now, Johnny, is prove to you how wrong I was."

_**'Oh really? How?**_' The anger was fading, to be replaced by the same apathy that had held him over the last week. He welcomed the numbness, it protected him, insulated him from anything—everything.

"Whatever you need, whenever you need it, I'll get it, or do it or . . .or what ever."

_**'Well, That's big of ya. Considering right now I can't do much for myself, you kinda got me captive**_.'

"Johnny, please. Let me help you get better. Then . . .then after all this is over, if . . .if you to leave or want me to leave or just want me the hell out of your life, I'll . . .I'll do it." Roy saw something more flash in those brown eyes then was gone and no emotion, no expression, nothing showing that Johnny heard or even understood remained in his now vacant stare. Roy sighed heavily and patted his partner's arm. "Try to sleep, Johnny. You're still running a fever." With that, Roy checked the drip on the IV and made sure the tubing was free and when he turned back to Johnny, Johnny's eyes were closed and his respirations had deepened into sleep.

Roy sat there, just staring at his friend . . . could he still call him friend?? Roy sighed, afraid deep down he had lost that right. The look Johnny had given him, it was so . .so . ..devoid of life, so empty of all he'd become used to seeing in his friend's eyes. Roy scrubbed at his face with one hand, his own heart feeling heavy with loss. Then the smell of coffee wafted its way into the room. With one last look at the sleeping man, Roy walked wearily off in search of a cup.

Jo looked up at him as he entered the kitchen. She poured a cup and handed it to him as he sank into a chair. "How's Johnny?"

Roy made a faint motion with one hand, "The same. He was awake when I set the IV. I . ..uh . .tried to talk with him." He looked up, the sorrow in his eyes made Jo blink tears from hers. "I think he could hear me, Jo, I just don't think he _wanted_ to '_**hear'**_ me." He slumped further in the chair. His wife laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Give him time, Roy. I'm sure the fever is taking a toll on him as well as everything else." Roy sipped the coffee and didn't answer her.

Finally she turned from him, checking in the oven. "Well, dinner will be ready anytime."

A knock on the door interrupted her and she looked up at the clock. "I bet that's Joyce now. Can you go ahead and set the table for me? I've got a salad already made in the fridge."

Roy nodded and got up to do just that while Jo headed toward the front door. He heard his sister-in-law's voice and Jo answering her then his daughter's happy tones. Next thing he knew, his legs were being squeezed. "Daddy! I'm so happy to see you!" Jenny gushed as she hugged her father.

Roy bent down and scooped the child up, a smile of greeting on his face, "Well hello there pretty lady! And how was your trip?"

Jenny giggled, "It was great! Joyce and Julie and I had fun! We painted our nails, see!" She shoved her hands into her father's face and he blinked and tried to pull his head back to see but she was already on to her next subject. "And we curled our hair and we slept in the living room and ate popcorn in front of the TV and we went shopping and I got a new outfit for my barbie and . . ."

"Whoa! Whoa, slow down!" Roy chuckled as he kissed his daughter's cheek. "Daddy's trying to set the table right now. Mommy has dinner ready so why don't you go wash up. Then you can tell me all about your trip. Ok?"

"Ok!" She agreed and squirmed to get down. He placed her on her feet, gave her a pat on the rump to which she turned around and reprimanded, "Daddy!" and he laughed. In the other room he heard Joyce holler, "Bye Roy! Sorry I gotta go. Denny's expecting me home before supper."

Roy raised his voice in answer as he stepped over to the entrance and waved at where his sister-in-law stood in the open front doorway, "Bye Joyce and tell Julie and Dennis I said Hi. Drive careful." As he turned back to setting the table, he heard his wife telling her sister good-bye and the front door closing. He reached for the bowls in the cupboard as he heard his wife call out, "Jenny? Come put your bag in your room."

The next sound he heard was his daughter's delighted squeal of, "Uncle Johnny!" Roy's head came up with a jerk, "God! Johnny!" he didn't even see the bowl crash from the edge of the sink as he ran.

Still on the stairs Jo heard the happy call and her eyes went wide as she hollered her daughter's name, "Jenny, don't! Jenny!" She rushed down the hallway, nearly colliding with Roy who beat her to the door to the sunroom then abruptly stopped, frozen by the sight before him. Jo crowded beside him, peering into the room. She put her hand to her mouth as she uttered, "Oh no." Her breath caught in a gasp as her eyes rapidly took in the figure in the bed, then the little girl in tears by his side.

Oblivious to the audience she had at the door, Jenny continued frantically kissing her hands as her voice hiccupped with sobs. "Don't worry, Uncle (hic) Johnny. I'll kiss all your boo (hic)-boos away, just like Mommy and (hic) Daddy and (hic) you do mine." She then proceeded to touch the hand holding the "kisses" on each visible mark on his arms, chest and neck.

Glassy brown eyes watched with seemingly little interest as the child replenished her kisses to complete her task. Then carefully she climbed up on the bed. "Jenny, don't . ." Roy started forward but his wife's firm hand on his shoulder halted him. "No, Roy."

He settled back and watched as Jenny carefully leaned over and delicately kissed each cut and stitched area on Johnny's face. Then she pulled back slightly, her tears dripping down onto Johnny's chest as she stared in his eyes.

"Don't worry, Uncle Johnny. (hic) Mommy, Daddy and I will make you all better. (hic) I'll take good care of you just like (hic) you took good care of me when I hurt (hic) my hand." She looked at his cast hands and touched them gently with one finger. Then she leaned forward again and kissed him softly on each eyelid. "That's so you have (hic) good dreams. You sleep now. Mommy says sleep (hic) makes you get better faster."

He blinked slowly at her, then gave a faint nod. "Thank you." His voice was barely audible but clear enough for her to hear. Then, after giving a great sigh, his eyes closed. Jenny cautiously wrapped her slender arms back around his shoulders and settled her head under his chin, her breath still punctuated with hiccupping sobs.

"Jenny, come here." Roy softly called. Jenny looked up, finally noticing her parents in the doorway. With a heart wrenching sob, she faced her parents, her arms still wrapped around the neck of her favorite uncle as best she could get them. "Oh Mommy, Daddy! Uncle (hic) Johnny has nasty owies all over him!"

"Yes, honey we know." Roy came forward now, his hand reaching for Johnny's neck to get a pulse even as Jo lifted her daughter carefully from the paramedic's bed. Satisfied for now, Roy checked the still running drip of the IV then motioned for Jo to proceed him. He pulled the pocket door partially closed as the family left the room.

It was a very subdued supper the three shared. Neither parent really knew what to say and so remained silent, waiting for their daughter to take the lead. Finally, after several moments of separating the peas and carrots from her chicken and pushing them all around her plate, Jenny looked up. "Daddy?"

"Yes, Honey?" Roy answered immediately.

"Did Uncle Johnny get hurt at work?"

"Yes, honey. he did."

Jenny looked back down at her plate. "Oh."

Silence.

Then . . . .

"Did you take care of him?"

Jo looked up and caught the flash of pained guilt in her husband's eyes and reached out her hand, placing it over his. Roy squeezed her hand as he answered his daughter truthfully. "No honey, I didn't."

"Daddy was at the hospital with another person when Uncle Johnny got hurt." Jo explained. "There were other paramedics there who took care of him."

Jenny looked back up at her father, her blue eyes swimming in tears. "But you're taking care of him now, right?"

Roy smiled and stroked his daughter's cheek. "Yes honey, both your Mommy and I are taking care of him now."

Suddenly she smiled and all signs of tears vanished as she said, "Yes, we'll all take good care of him and soon he'll be all better! I'll be a big help. I'll bring him food and water to drink and maybe some ice cream. Mommy, do we have any scutterbotch syrup and chocolate ice cream? That's Uncle Johnny's favorite. And I'll read to him and . . . " The two parents exchanged smiles at the young girl's planning. Suddenly she stopped and looked hard at her father. She pulled her lip into her mouth and bit it, an action she'd inherited from him, and fear filled her eyes. "Uncle Johnny will be alright, right Daddy?'

Roy pulled the little girl into his arms and hugged her close as he reassured her. "How can he not be, with all that you have planned for him?"

Jenny pulled back, all smiles once more. "Of course! 'Cause I'm a good nurse! As good as Ms. Dixie, right!"

"Definitely!" Roy kissed her cheek, "Now get back in your seat and finish your dinner." He looked up at his wife. "I'm gonna go and check the IV." She nodded and he left the table to the sound of his daughter's now happy babble.

The IV bag was nearly empty so Roy shut the value off, picked up a bandage from the supply by the bed and pulled the needle. He covered the puncture and lifted Johnny's arm up, holding pressure over the site as he looked in the dark haired man's face. Johnny had winced when Roy had lifted his arm but made no other move now.

Once he was satisfied the minor bleeding had stopped, Roy applied a small bandage over the site, replaced the arm by the young man's side and pulled the thermometer out of its holder. He wiped it with an alcohol swab, shook it down and placed it into Johnny's mouth, making sure it was under his tongue. Johnny made a face as the taste of the alcohol hit him but his eyes didn't open. After the prescribed three minutes, Roy removed it and rolled the thin glass tube into the light to read. "Still 101.2," he sighed, concerned that although low, the fever still held onto the other paramedic.

He sat in the seat, recording the time and temp then sat, staring at nothing. His thoughts were interrupted by Jenny's re-entrance into the sickroom. She carried a refilled glass with a straw in it, Mousie at her feet, and looked up at her father. "Mommy said to get you. Mr. Stanley is on the phone."

After a few moments of watching his daughter trying to interact with his partner, Roy stood, knowing he'd promised to keep the rest of his shift informed on Johnny. "Alright." He laid a hand on Johnny's shoulder but got no reaction. "I've gotta go talk to Cap. I promised to keep him informed. You know how he worries." Roy tried for humor but Johnny made no acknowledgement he'd heard. With another deep sigh, Roy left.

Roy knew his fellow shiftmembers had gotten off shift that morning, he'd talked with them before the shift changed. They would be back on shift in the morning and Cap would fill in the others then. Roy chuckled to himself as he reached for the phone, '_**Yeah. Who'm I kidding. He'll probably call them as soon as I hang up. If they don't call him first.**_' But it gave him a warm glow to know the other member's of A-shift were just as concerned for the youngest member of their stationhouse as he was. '_**More so'**_ he amended, '_**They didn't turn on him like I did**_.'

"Hello, Cap." Roy said into the receiver.

"Roy? I hope I didn't interrupt supper." Came his captain's voice.

"No" he assured him, "We'd finished."

"That's good."

Pause. Then.

"uh, listen. The reason I called . . ."

"Johnny's still running a temp of 101." Roy interrupted. "I talked to Brackett this afternoon and he authorized an IV to give him a boost after last night. He just finished it."

"Oh. That's good. So, how is he?"

Roy closed his eyes and scrubbed at his face. "'bout the same, Cap. He's been a little more alert but he hasn't said anything since early this morning." He didn't count the whispered thanks to Jenny. "Brackett said he's coming by tomorrow once he's off. He's gonna check Johnny over then."

"Brackett's going to come there? Is it that bad?" Cap's voice held alarm.

"I don't think so, Cap. I asked if we should bring him in and Brackett said he thought Johnny was better off here. Seems there's a bug going around Rampart."

"He's probably right." Cap agreed, "The last thing John needs right now is another illness on top of this infection."

A sigh came over the line, then, "Well, I'd better let you go. We're back on shift tomorrow and I promised everyone I'd call them after I talked with you. You'll keep us informed?"

Roy smiled, "You didn't even need to ask."

"Yeah I did. Take care of yourself, Roy, and take care of that partner of yours."

"I will, Cap. Safe shift. Bye."

"Bye." and there was a clink. Roy sighed again and hung up the phone. He wasn't sure if the call left him feeling better or worse. He went over to the coffee pot and poured himself a fresh cup of coffee. He stood in the kitchen sipping it as he watched the shadows lengthen in the back yard.

After several moments, Jo came into the room and smiled at him. "Jenny's in there getting Johnny to drink. I gave him his evening meds and thought I'd try to get him to eat something now."

Roy nodded then after hesitating told his wife, "Why don't I do that? I know it's getting late and Jenny probably needs her bath."

Jo placed a good portion of the chicken ala king on the plate before she turned and handed it to her husband, "Alright. Here." She stepped into the hall and raised her voice slightly, "Jenny? Come on now. Time to get ready for bed. We've got church in the morning."

To both parent's surprise, Jenny came out of the sunroom without any argument or words. She looked up briefly at her father, then ducked her head back down as she moved past him then her mother and slowly climbed the stairs. Roy looked at Jo who shared a look of confusion with him over their youngest action. "She's probably just tired. It's been a busy couple of days for her." Jo tried to reason.

Roy nodded, but the frown remained, "Yeah sure. That's probably it." He continued on to his partner while his wife shadowed their daughter.

He sat in the chair and looked at Johnny. As he sat, Johnny opened his eyes and looked at him. Roy suppressed a shudder at the vacant stare. He lifted the plate, "Jo made chicken ala king for supper. She thought you'd like some." When there was no reaction one way or another, Roy placed the plate on the table then putting his arm carefully behind his partner, lifted him slightly so he could place another pillow behind him. Once he had Johnny sitting up a little more, he again took up the plate.

Like he had for Jo earlier, Johnny didn't reach for the plate but just parted his lips, his mouth slightly open. Again Roy fought down his own reaction. Never before, in the times they had taken care of the dark haired man, had he displayed such weakness or apathy. Always before it was a fight to do things for him that physically he couldn't because of injury or illness. Even if both arms and both legs were hurt, Roy would've sworn his stubborn partner would've insisted, "I can do it myself, Roy." This lack of independence that was so much a part of his partner greatly concerned Roy.

Still he scooped some of the food up into the spoon and placed it before Johnny's mouth. Johnny accepted each bite, his gaze fixed downward. Roy felt troubled for his friend and spoke out of this, "Johnny, you know this won't be forever. Soon those casts will come off and you'll be back to doing everything for yourself again."

There was no reaction and Roy sighed and turned as silent as his patient. It became a routine. Roy placed the spoon to Johnny's mouth, Johnny opened and took it and Roy waited with another one while he chewed and swallowed. Only a small amount had been removed from the plate when Johnny turned his head, silently refusing anymore.

"Are you sure, Johnny? You barely ate anything." Roy coaxed. He lifted the spoon again but Johnny turned his head again, his mouth firmly closed. "Alright," Roy told him, "How about some dessert then? Jo made that jello one-two- three stuff you like so much." Johnny shook his head and gave a weary sigh. Roy stopped himself from echoing it. "More to drink?" Again Johnny shook his head and this time he closed his eyes, signaling his withdrawal. "Alright, Johnny, I'll leave you alone for now. But you know you need to eat more. You've lost too much weight now as it is." Johnny made no move or motion that he was listening. Roy watched him for several long moments then spoke again, "Johnny, I just want you to get better and you won't get better if you don't eat." He reached out and laid his hand on his partner's shoulder, "I'm worried about you."

To his surprise, Johnny's eyes opened and stared up at him, "Why?" he whispered. Roy blinked in surprise. "Why?" he repeated but Johnny only looked at him, his once expressive eyes blank.

Roy thought rapidly, feeling that what he said now could have a difference on both their futures. But he just wasn't sure what his partner meant! For the first time since they had become friends, Roy felt disconnected from Johnny. He'd gotten so used to usually knowing what partner was thinking and knowing his partner could do the same to him that he was thrown. In desperation he tried to get some clarification, "Why are you here? Or why am I doing this? Or what?"

Johnny looked at him for several more seconds then heaved a great sigh and turned his head back toward the window. Roy panicked, afraid he'd done the wrong thing so he just started speaking. "You're here because you need help and I'm here taking care of you because I'm your friend. I know I haven't acted like it lately but I never stopped caring about you. You have to believe that Johnny, for everything I was doing I never wanted you hurt and I never stopped caring about you. To me you're still my best friend but I know you may not feel that way about me anymore. But that won't change how I feel."

Johnny didn't move and his gaze stayed fixed out the window to the dark outside. Roy hung his head, in his heart he just knew he'd failed once again. Instinct made him place a gentle hand on Johnny's uninjured shoulder and apply faint pressure. "I do care, Johnny."

Nothing.

Finally with a sigh of his own, Roy stood, took the still mostly full plate and, shoulders slumped, left the room.

Johnny had heard the words his partner had said, more he'd watched the emotions in his pleading blue eyes. He knew Roy probably didn't know he was watching his partner's reflection in the window. It made him feel like he had an advantage, something he'd felt severely lacking lately. He recalled his earlier thoughts; was Roy only taking care of him because he was injured and Roy was a good paramedic? Or perhaps because Jo wanted him too? Now a new thought occurred; maybe, just maybe Roy had been truthful and it had all been a terrible misunderstanding—a nasty side trip in their friendship caused by misguided ego. It was a possibility Johnny knew he'd have to consider even if his heart was afraid.

Then his train of thought was interrupted by the heat of a hand on his shoulder. He heard Roy's whispered words, "I do care, Johnny." But more than what he heard, he saw the beginnings of tears in those blue eyes. He watched as Roy left the room looking like the weight of the world rested on him. A flash of emotion raced through the injured paramedic, _**'Good! Let him feel a little of that uncertainty I've been feeling over the last few weeks!**_' Just as quickly as the thought occurred, Johnny was horrified and squashed it. He'd never felt pleasure in anyone else's pain before, no matter what, and he wouldn't start now! It scared him a little at the reawakening of his emotions and how varied and intense they were. With a sigh that echoed his departing partner, Johnny closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing mind.

As Roy carried the plate into the kitchen, Jo looked up from her place at the sink. She looked at the plate then into her husband's face, reading his feelings there. "He didn't eat much."

Roy scraped the remained of the food into the garbage as he replied, "No. He didn't. I tried to get him interested in dessert but he turned his head."

Jo nodded, taking the plate he handed her and washing it. Several long moments went by then Roy murmured, "Johnny . . . uh. . .spoke."

At that Jo raised her head and looked at him, silently waiting for him to go on. Roy stared at his shoes for several long seconds then took a breath. "He asked me, 'Why?"

"Why?" Jo frowned. "That's all? Just why?"

Roy nodded.

"Why what?" Then her eyes widened, "Oh no. 'Why' as in like he did last night?"

Roy stopped breathing, _**'God. Was that it? Was that the 'why' he'd asked? Why are you doing this?**_' Roy closed his eyes and groaned. If that was the case, then he surely had messed everything up once more. To his concerned wife he only shrugged, "I don't know. That's all he said and when I tried to ask him more he just turned back to the window."

Jo placed a comforting, albeit soapy, hand on her husband's shoulder. They remained quietly together there for several moments, then Jo turned back to her washing up. "Jenny's upstairs waiting for you to say good night." She told him.

He gave a faint nod and headed off. Jo watched him until he disappeared around the corner of the stairway then closed her eyes, her thoughts in a silent prayer. '_**Dear God, please! Help this family. Johnny isn't the only one wounded and in need of healing. Please touch us all with your curative power."**_

As Roy reached the top of the stairway he heard the sound of muffled sobs and followed it until he stood in front of his daughter's bedroom. From his angle in the hall, he could see Jenny on her bed, rocking back and forth as if in pain and clutching Mr. Snuffles, the stuffed dog Johnny gave her on her last birthday. Mousie looked up at him through squinted eyes from where she'd been licking away Jenny's tears where they'd fallen on her arm. "Hey, sweetheart." He called softly as he entered her room. She looked up at him with tear-filled eyes and sniffled, "'lo Daddy."

He sat on the edge of her bed and careful drew her into his arms. "Is something wrong? Did you have a fight with your mother?"

She shook her head no as she buried her teary face into his shirt. He didn't question anymore, just offered silent comfort. They sat there awhile then he asked, "Is there something Daddy can do to make it better?"

Jenny first nodded, then shook her head, then gave a soul rendering sigh as she shrugged. Roy just pulled her closer, confused himself on what he could do. Suddenly his thoughts scattered like bubbles in the wind as she asked in a quiet voice. "Where's Uncle Johnny gone?"

Roy froze for a moment. He'd just left Johnny when he heard the crying. Johnny couldn't have left; he would have seen him in the hall. Worried, he found himself asking, "What do you mean?"

Jenny pulled back and looked into her father's eyes, her own swollen and red. "I went in to take him some more juice like Mommy asked. He took it and thanked me." She hiccupped a sob as she shook her head, "But all he did was say thank you and he didn't say anything else or try to tickle me or anything."

Roy felt a wrenching in his heart at her words. "Well," he began, "Your Uncle Johnny is very sick right now. He has a very bad fever and sometimes it makes people seem. . . .different.'

But Jenny was shaking her head, "No Daddy. I know that. Uncle Johnny has been here when he's sick before."

He realized she was right.

"This . . .this is different. I looked into his eyes and he's not there. Uncle Johnny isn't there. I want him back." Her crying became harder as new tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. Her words began to hiccup with sobs as she cried, "I . . . I want (hic) my Un (hic) cle John (hic) ny back. I (hic) want him (hic) to call me (hic) a kiddle a (hic) gain and play (hic) with me! Daddy, fix (hic) him. Make him (hic) come back! I m-miss him!"

Swallowing and clearing his throat he tried to give his daughter an answer to the problem he himself didn't know how to fix. He, too, had noticed the dead eyes, the apathetic manner that his injured shiftmate exhibited. The complete lack of caring over anything around him, including his own failing health. Just today, he'd had nearly the same conversation with JoAnne. "I'm scared for him, Roy. It's like he's just given up. He's in there; somewhere in that empty shell is the Johnny we all know and love but I can't reach him. And I'm afraid if we don't reach him soon," she paused as a sob escaped, "We're gonna lose him."

As Roy listened to the soft sobs of his little girl he tried desperately to think of some way to give her comfort. After several stops and starts he just tightened his arms around his daughter and sighed heavily, "So do I, Jenny, I miss him too."

He held his daughter until the sobs stopped and her breath came even and deep. Then he laid the child down, covered her with a light blanket and kissed her soft cheek. He then turned out the light and left the room. He wasn't surprised when Jo came out of their bedroom. He saw the tears in her eyes as she reached out to him. He willingly took her into his arms. "You heard?" He asked after several close moments.

"Yes."

Silence again.

Then her arms tightened around him, "If only he could see all of us now, he'd make it through this, Roy."

"I know." Roy thought his voice sounded choked.

Again Jo tightened her arms then reached up and kissed his chin. She smiled softly at him, "If love has any power to heal, he'll have to get well. He'll have no choice."

Roy felt a smile tug on his face as he nodded then kissed his wife. Together they walked down the stairs and into the living room. They both sat on the couch, watching the news although neither could have later told what was on. Finally Jo turned to her husband, "Roy, I think you should stay home tomorrow."

Roy looked at her, "I was going to go to Sunrise so you could go to the regular service."

Jo shook her head, "No, I think you should stay here. If Johnny has another night like last night . . ."

Roy pulled her close and kissed the top of her head, "I don't think he will, Jo. His fever has stayed down all day and he's been on the antibiotics for over 24 hours now."

Jo shrugged, "Still. I think you should stay with Johnny." She smiled, "God will understand if you miss one Sunday you're off and HE's the only one who matters. I'd stay here too if I didn't have junior church this Sunday. Jenny and I will go, convey your regrets and get home as soon as we can. "

Roy smiled at that and nodded. "Ok."

Jo looked at the clock over the mantel and sighed, "I'm tired and it's getting late. I think I'll head for bed."

Roy nodded, "I'm gonna check on Johnny and make sure the monitor is on. I think that's all we'll need for tonight."

His wife smiled a knowing smile at him. "There's a fresh pot of coffee in the kitchen and I put another blanket in Johnny's room next to the recliner. That should keep you warm tonight." She kissed him again and headed off.

Roy chuckled at his wife and started toward the kitchen for a cup when a squeaking noise down the hallway drew his attention and he turned instead toward it.

Johnny moved restlessly, his eyes pulling open. He looked over at the bandaged site where the IV had been attached to his arm and gave a heavy sigh. '_**Well, once more IVs work**__.'_ he thought as he fidgeted over the discomfort in his bladder. He rolled carefully over and slowly sat up, relieved that the dizziness he'd felt before wasn't as pronounced. He started scooting his legs closer to the edge and was just resting his feet on the floor when a loud, "Johnny! What are you doing?" startled him. He looked up, wide-eyed and blinking, into his partner's face. Roy had entered the room rapidly and now was next to him, his hands bracing Johnny's shoulders. Carefully Roy tried to lay his friend back down but Johnny resisted, shaking his head.

Roy frowned, "Johnny you can't go anywhere, you're too weak. Please, I just want to help you." He paused and bit his lip then in a softer voice said, "If you'd rather I not be here taking care of you, I . . I won't. But please then, let Jo help you."

To Roy's surprise, Johnny frowned and made a cutting motion with his hand. "No." his voice was faint but clear. He nodded toward the hallway. "Need . . .need . . ." '_**Why am I having so much trouble getting my thoughts together?**_' he mused as he tried again. "IV, Roy. Need . . ."

Understanding dawned on Roy's face and he nodded, "OK, I got it. Let me help you up. Do you think you can make it alone if I get you to your feet?"

Johnny shook his head and Roy moved closer, placing one arm under Johnny's arm and around his back. "Ok then. We'll do it together. On three, one-two three- up!" He lifted by pulling on Johnny's arm and his pant's band then Johnny was on his feet—sort of. Before he moved him anymore, Roy pulled Johnny's left arm over his own shoulders and wrapped his other arm around Johnny's thin waist. Carefully he moved the man across the room and to the bathroom. Once there, he got Johnny prepared, giving him as much privacy as possible while still providing support. And Johnny was grateful for both. Then they were back up and heading back to the sunroom. All was going fairly well when Johnny suddenly caught his toe on the edge of the doorway and pitched uncontrollably forward.

Roy prevented him from impacting with the wall, but it and Johnny got real up close and personal. "Whoa there buddy! Alright, let's get you straightened back up and . . ." Roy stopped as he felt the resistance in Johnny's body. Johnny was staring at a framed photo hanging on the wall just inches from his face.

Roy gave a faint smile, "You remember that? That was the time we all went to the beach, you fell asleep and the kids buried you then decorated the mound with seashells and seaweed."

Johnny gave a faint nod and his head turned first one way then the other as he looked at other pictures displayed there. '_They're back. All the pictures of me and the ones I took, they're back now. Wha . . .??_' He looked at Roy, the question plain in his eyes.

Roy knew at that moment that somehow, at sometime, Johnny had noticed his 'redecorating' as Jo had called it. He remembered how he'd seen the photos at Johnny's house all turned face downward, as if he couldn't bare to look at them. He'd instinctively known that where he—Roy—had tried to remove all traces of Johnny in his house out of anger, Johnny had only turned the photos at his—Johnny's place—out of sorrow over what he must have thought he'd lost. Roy ducked his head briefly then with resolve raised it again and looked his friend straight in the eye. "Call it temporary insanity, Johnny. You _**are**_ part of this family, always have been and **always** will be. I was stupid in what I did. And you have no idea how it hurts me that I've hurt you. I'd do anything to undo what happened, to somehow make it never have happened but . . ." he gave a faint shrug.

Johnny stood there a few more moments, looking deep into Roy's eyes and Roy faced him, hoping maybe, somehow, Johnny could see the truth in his words. Then Johnny gave a faint sigh and his body slumped. Roy tightened his hold, "Let's get you back to bed, partner."

He more or less carried the other man back to his bed and gently placed him back in it. Roy then caringly positioned Johnny's limbs in as comfortable a position as he could, making sure that the light sheet was tucked in around the younger man.

All the time he did this, he could feel Johnny's eyes on him and when he glanced up and met his gaze, for the first time, emptiness didn't look back. Johnny looked puzzled.

Roy smiled at him, "Comfy?"

Johnny nodded. Roy took the drink by the bedside and offered it to his partner. A flash of gladness flared in Roy's heart and he gave a slight chuckle as Johnny tilted his head, looked at the drink, pointedly looked out the hall, looked back to the drink then looked up, meeting Roy's gaze evenly as his left eyebrow rose.

"If you need to go again, junior, I'll help you. Just as many times as you need it." Roy told him. Johnny's lips parted and Roy placed the straw between them. That little flare of happiness became a small flame as Johnny drank until the cup was almost empty. Then he released the straw and leaned back with a sigh of contentment.

"Johnny"

Johnny immediately turned toward him and Roy felt that flame get a little stronger. "Do you want to lay back a little more? Are you going to sleep?"

Johnny thought for a moment, then nodded. Roy eased him forward, removed a few pillows, fluffed the others then eased the other man carefully back down again. Johnny sighed and shifted his weight slightly until he was comfortable. His eyes closed and Roy watched him for a moment before he crawled into the recliner, shifted the chair back and pulled the blanket over his legs. He closed his eyes, content he would hear if Johnny needed him and was soon softly snoring.

In a strange twist, Johnny was still awake when his partner's snores came. Johnny opened his eyes, watching his partner now. Thoughts raced through the younger man's mind. He couldn't dismiss what had happened to him over the last three weeks. But he also couldn't dismiss what had happened to him over the last three days. He carefully reviewed each action, each discussion, weighing them together. And he came to some conclusions.

He knew Jo still cared for him, he'd seen it in her own actions over the last three weeks. He knew Jenny loved him with all the force the little girl had in her and her actions this afternoon had touched him deeply now that he was more aware. Roy? He still wasn't as sure about. He knew something had changed and Roy's current actions hadn't changed whether he was alone with Johnny or if JoAnne was in the room. Could he trust his once friend? Should he risk his heart again? He thought again about what had happened earlier when Jenny had come in to get her father.

He had been lying quietly, awake but with his eyes closed while Roy took his vitals and recorded them on the pad. Then small cool fingers had touched his face and he opened his eyes. Jenny stood there, her blue eyes again swimming in tears. She smiled a little wanly at him then said, "Uncle Johnny? You have to get better. Now I know what you mean about how your heart hurts when someone you love hurts, 'cause I love you and my heart hurts."

He felt a stab in his own chest at her words and blinked at her. She paused as she continued to stroke her Uncle's warm forehead. "I think Daddy's heart hurts too." She thought that over then gave a determined nod. "Yeap. I bet that's why Daddy has been actin' so undaddy lately. Maybe when your heart hurts, it can make you angry and you say and do things that aren't very nice."

He listened to her and he felt Roy's hand drop onto his shoulder. "She's right, junior." the older man told him. "My heart did hurt before but not like it hurts right now . . .for you."

Jenny looked up at her father, then reached up, pulling on his arms until he leaned down. Once he did, she gave him a big loud kiss in the middle of his chest, then she climbed up on the bed and did the same thing to Johnny. The she carefully lifted Johnny's bandaged left hand and placed it against her own chest. Johnny could feel the vibration of her heart against his finger tips, she grabbed her father's right hand and placed it over Johnny's "There," she announced smiling, "Now all our hearts will get better and none of us will hurt anymore, 'Kay?"

A faint smile now came to his lips as he thought about her. No, he had no doubt Jenny loved him and he loved her. He knew that even if he'd known all this would happen, it wouldn't've stopped him from doing everything just like he had. And he suspected his partner DID NOT feel the same way.

He sighed, watching as Roy turned slightly in his sleep then suddenly opened his eyes. For a moment the two men stared at each other. Roy rose up, alarm on his face and in his voice, "Johnny? Is something wrong? You need something?"

Johnny shook his head and closed his eyes. He heard his partner get up, felt the hand touching his throat. He frowned in annoyance and batted the hand away. He heard the chuckle and, "Alright. I'll leave you alone." Movement then, "G'dnight Junior." Then the rustle of cloth and his partner was silent.

_**'Ok,**_' Johnny mused to himself, '_**OK, family has problems and family moves past them. I'll try. I'm not sure though and I have no idea where this might take me, but I'll see it through.'**_ That decision made, Johnny coasted smoothly into sleep.

Roy wasn't sure what awoke him but his eyes flew open as he looked at the figure in the bed. Surprise widened his eyes to see Johnny's eyes open and watching him! Instantly he was awake, "Johnny?" He called, "Is something wrong? You need something?"

Johnny shook his head and closed his eyes but not before Roy saw a spark of life in those brown depths. He moved off the recliner and he reached for the other man, his hand resting on the still too warm flesh of Johnny's neck as he felt for a pulse. That flame in his soul flickered even higher as Johnny's face twisted into a look of annoyance, one he was well familiar with, and the left hand came up to bat his hand away.

Roy laughed at the familiarity of it all after all the strained moments before. "Alright." he told Johnny. "I'll leave you alone." He looked fondly at his friend, yes maybe he could call him that again someday and see that echoing sentiment in those brown eyes. With a prayer for that in his heart he said, "G'dnight Junior." and settled in for another night.


	30. Chapter 30

Ok I know this is quick after the last but Midterms are coming up (YICKS) and I wanted to keep ahead on this. If you don't like this, just don't read it for another 2 weeks then pretend I just put it up!!

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The sun was barely lightening the sky when Roy opened his eyes again. He'd been awake just about every four hours during the night, each time he'd checked on his partner only to be reassured Johnny was in a deep healing sleep. Halfway through the night, he'd even dared to take Johnny's temperature. Johnny again had made a face when the thermometer's taste registered in his mouth. His sleepy brown eyes had opened, rolled in disgust, then closed again as he sighed out through his nose. Roy had chuckled quietly at his partner, glad to see some sort of action other than mere existence in him. His temp had remained an even 101.

Roy checked his watch. Only 5:20 but he knew sleep for him was over. He checked Johnny, found he was still sleeping soundly, and headed off to the kitchen for coffee. He dumped the old out and made a fresh pot. Before long, he was sipping the fragrant brew and staring out at the growing colors of the sky.

A gentle knocking at his door startled him. He placed the cup on the counter and headed toward the front door, wiping at the wet stain on his shirt as he did. He opened the door and peered out. Surprise widened his eyes and he opened the door fully, pushing open the screen door as well.

"Cap! What are you doing here?" Surprise colored his voice.

Hank looked at his paramedic and gave a sheepish grin. "Uh, hi Roy. I hope I didn't disturb you . . .?"

Roy recovered and ushered his captain in, "No, no not at all. I was up and just having a cup of coffee." He glanced at the package his captain held and added, "Uh, would you . . .like some coffee?"

Hank shook his head, "No, I just stopped by on my way to the station." He looked down at the package in his hand and grinned as he shoved them toward his paramedic. "Here. These are from Maggie. It's beef and noodles and some pumpkin bread. Johnny ate so much of her beef and noodles last pitch-in, she insisted I bring them right over and well, last time she made pumpkin bread, he uhhh…" his voice faded off as he remembered that last time.

Roy, too, remembered; he might have not been being a good friend to his partner at that time, but he remembered the baked goods Maggie had sent in and had a faint recollection of Johnny standing by the sink, eating a large piece with a contented look on his face. He also remembered the bruises he'd noticed on his partner and remembered some offside comments he hadn't really paid much attention to at the time. But now, something in him wanted to know. "Cap, that day, Johnny had bruises . . ."

Hank nodded, knowing immediately where his senior paramedic was going with this. "John got caught up in an altercation with a drunk at the parade. The report said he had a bruised hip, bruised ribs, and a concussion. Stoker said, uh…" he paused but looked in the serious eyes of his man, "John was thrown off the bleachers and hit a pole."

Roy closed his eyes and his shoulders sagged, "That was the day of the picnic here." He murmured and didn't need his bosses' nod to confirm. "I didn't even see . . ." He felt another failure added to the list. So much for taking care of each other as partners were supposed to, he had seen Johnny just after he'd been injured and didn't even notice. Well, that was past, he had the future before him and _**this **_he could do something about.

"Johnny likes pumpkin bread." he stated firmly, easing both of their guilt. "He once told me it was one of his favorite fall foods growing up." he hefted the containers, "I'm sure he'll love this. Tell Maggie thanks." He looked back at his captain. "You know Brackett is concerned over Johnny's weight. He told me to get him to eat as much as he could stand and anything he can stand." He sniffed at the odors raising from the packages he held. "This will go far to tempt him. Thanks."

Cap nodded and shuffled his feet, his dark eyes on Roy. "How is he?"

Roy gave a faint smile, "Better I think. His temp is still 101 but he slept through the night without any problems."

Cap allowed himself a relieved smile. "That's good, that's good."

Roy suddenly turned, talking to Cap as he did and his captain followed him instinctively. "I'm gonna put this in the kitchen real quick here." he did as he said then turned suddenly. "Would you like to see him? He's probably still sleeping but I'm sure he won't mind."

Before Hank could say something one way or another, Roy headed down the hall. Cap's protest died on his lips as he followed. Although he had been going to politely refuse, his natural worry over his crew had made his heart lurch with desire to see his youngest charge.

Softly the two men entered the room and stopped by the injured man's bedside. Hank looked down at his man, frowning at the thin figure. _**'He's thinner than when I saw him in the hospital. God, why didn't I notice earlier?'**_ Johnny's face was relaxed in sleep, his dark lashes stark against his pale cheek with its ribbon of rust over the cheekbones caused by the fever. But his breathing was deep, clear and even.

As if sensing the presence of others, Johnny suddenly took a deeper breath, shifted in the bed and his brown eyes fluttered open. He looked up, his gaze going first to Roy then to his captain in uniform and back to his partner before finally resting on his captain. He frowned, and struggled to sit up. "'my late?"

Hank smiled reassuringly at his youngest crewman as he put a restraining hand on Johnny's uninjured shoulder, thus stopping his movements. "No, John, you're just fine. I only came by to check on you. Just lie back down and go back to sleep."

Johnny looked more confused but his blinking was getting slower, "k, Cap. 'm tired." His eyes closed and soon his breathing evened out once more. After one more long glance, the two men left the room.

Once they had returned to the living area, Hank turned to Roy, "I'd . . .uhhh . . .. best be heading off. It wouldn't look good for the captain to be late for his own shift. I'd hate to assign myself the latrine." He smiled as Roy snorted. Then he clapped a hand on his paramedic's arm and waved toward Roy's bandaged hand. "So, how are you doing?"

Roy looked confused for a moment, glanced down and then faced his captain with a sheepish grin. "To tell you the truth Cap, I've been so concerned over caring for Johnny I've basically forgot about it." He shrugged, "It's fine I guess. A little sore but more of a nuisance really. Especially with I need both hands for something."

Cap nodded, "Well, you take care of yourself too. You can't help John if you go down."

"Don't worry, Hank. I've got my eye on **both** of them." A soft voice came from above them. Both men looked up as JoAnne walked down the stairs with a smile on her face.

"I'm sorry, JoAnne. I hope I didn't wake you." Hank began but Jo waved a dismissive hand.

"It's nothing, Hank. Sleep around here lately is a hit and miss thing. I don't mind, though," She reached out and pulled her husband into a hug. "I wouldn't change anything over a chance to take care of my favorite guys." She turned to Roy, "How is he this morning? You never called so . . .?"

Roy smiled, "He slept all night and his fever stayed down. He just spoke to Cap too."

She grinned, "That's good. Well, I'm gonna see about some breakfast. Maybe we can get him to eat as well." She looked at Hank again. "Join us?"

Cap shook his head, "No I have to get. We're on duty today. I just stopped by to drop some stuff off from Maggie."

"She sent beef and noodles and pumpkin bread." Roy added, "It's in the kitchen."

She smiled at Hank. "Well tell her thank you. From the amount Johnny ate that last FD pitch-in I'm sure he'll enjoy it. And pumpkin bread? I haven't had pumpkin bread in years."

"Johnny loves it." Roy stated, his mind recalling the look of pleasure on his partner's face at a time when he could only recall looks of hurt or no emotion at all. Jo looked at him, seeing something else in his eyes and made a mental note to ask later. "Really?" She said, "I never knew that. Huh. All this time I've known him and I learned something new." She smiled at Roy and squeezed his waist as she teased, "I guess he's still unpredictable as ever." As she'd hoped, he chuckled, remembering a time several years ago when he'd smugly _**thought**_ he had his new young partner all figured out, only to have a large unknown piece of Johnny's life suddenly show up. He'd never made that mistake again and Johnny still surprised him.

Hank watched the marital interplay and was relieved to see the tension that had been around this house the last time he'd been there was no longer present. He knew then that this little family, which included **both** his paramedics was finally healing. He smiled and rubbed his hands together. 'Well, I'd better go. Roy, keep us informed on John. Jo, take care of my men." He winked at her and she stifled a giggle. He raised up a hand in parting as he let himself out the door, "Enjoy!"

"Safe shift." They both called out to him as he nodded and shut the door. Once the door was closed, Jo turned toward the kitchen. "I need coffee. Join me?"

Roy nodded, remembering his forgotten cup. As he entered the kitchen he saw Jo dumping the rest of the now cold coffee out and rinsing the cup before she refilled it with warm coffee and handed it to him. She then poured a cup for herself and joined him where he sat at the table. They sat in silence for several moments then Jo spoke. "Roy, did Hank say something earlier? Something about Johnny?"

Roy took a long drink, stalling. He'd seen the look cross his wife's face and knew she'd be asking. He set his cup down and stared into it. "We were talking about Johnny liking pumpkin bread and remembering the last time Maggie had sent some in, I guess, specifically for Johnny."

"And . . ." She didn't see why this would cause the guilt she'd seen in her husband's eyes.

"And that was the shift after the Memorial day picnic here."

Now Jo's eyebrows raised, "Oh. That." Both were silent as they recalled the scene between Jenny and Amy. Roy shifted. "He'd been hurt earlier that day, Jo, while on duty at the parade. And I saw the bruises the next day and teased him about being careless." He shifted the cup. "He'd said he'd fallen and I just made fun of him. Cap told me now that Mike said he'd been thrown off the bleachers." He looked up into her eyes, his own stinging. "He was right here, in this house. He'd been hurt and I didn't even notice. Then the way I treated him, that day and then the next." He sighed heavily.

Jo laid a gentle hand on his. "That wasn't really you, Roy. It was a spiteful stranger who looked like you." She tried to comfort him but her own guilt over that day caused her tone to come out a little weak. "Yeah right." Roy snorted then stopped as he heard what she didn't say. His wife ducked her head, unwilling to meet his gaze now. He took her chin in his hand and raised her head so she faced him. "Jo? Something else happened then. What?"

"You mean other than Amy's epic performance?" Jo spit out. Then she shrugged and gave a sigh of her own. "Amy wasn't the only performer that day. Tammy had her own personal show." At Roy's look, Jo told him about what Tammy had said to Johnny that day.

Roy clenched his jaw. "God Jo! No wonder he didn't want to come here." He looked around, "After all these years of trying to show him this was his home as much as ours then my little act leads to all of this. He must have felt like he wasn't wanted anywhere anymore, by anyone." Both stayed silent for several moments. Then Roy shook his head, "I bet that's when he noticed the pictures were gone too. No wonder he looked sick that day. I thought it was just over Amy."

Jo looked up, surprised, "He noticed?" Her eyes clouded, "Oh no. He must've been heartbroken. . ." Roy nodded. "When he left you on the deck, he was headed to the bathroom. I. . .I thought he just needed to . . .to . . ."

"He needed to get away from me." Roy finished and Jo didn't correct him. He pushed his cup. "No wonder he's lost so much weight. I wonder how he managed to keep anything down."

Then Roy took up his cup and drank the remainder of the coffee within. "Well. That's all in the past and there's nothing I can do about it now. Right now, he's here." He nodded toward the hallway, "And he's getting better. And I plan on keeping it that way." Then he smiled as he kissed his wife and softly said, "And last night? He noticed the pictures were back."

She smiled too then looked at her watch. "Oh! I've got to get moving! Jenny's still asleep and I haven't even had my shower." A squeaking sound came from the sunroom and both turned instantly in that direction. Then Roy looked back at his wife, a smile on his face. They both spoke at the same time, "That's why you won't let me oil those springs. Johnny must be awake."

"Now you see why I won't let you oil those springs. Sounds like Johnny's up, you'd better go check on your partner, Roy." Jo said then laughed softly. Roy smiled at her and left. Jo read the note attached to the foil covered pan on the cabinet, placed it into the oven and set the timer. Then she headed off to greet her houseguest good morning as well.

Roy entered the room to see Johnny sitting up and trying to untangle his legs from the sheet. Quickly he went to his side, freeing the long limbs from the sheet and swinging them off the bed. "Hold on, junior. Let me get a good hold on you." He instinctively knew where Johnny wanted to go. He positioned his arms around his patient's thinned body and said, "Ready on three. One-two-three." Johnny pushed down as Roy lifted and Johnny wavered to his feet. Roy grinned at him. "You're feeling a little stronger today, huh partner?"

To both the DeSoto's satisfaction, the corner of Johnny's lips turned upward in a pale rendition of his grin. Roy began helping Johnny toward the doorway where Jo stood watching, tears of pleasure in her eyes. Johnny looked at her and his cheeks colored. She laughed and reached out to hug his shoulders. "It's so good to see you up, Johnny."

Johnny looked over at Roy and shook his head, "Not up . . .yet." he whispered. She smiled lovingly at him, "Maybe not totally alone on your feet, but soon Johnny, soon." He just nodded as they moved by her. Then she turned and headed back upstairs.

Roy repeated the same actions as he had the night before, pleased to see Johnny did indeed seem a little more 'with it' and physically stronger. But he also knew that Johnny's strength was fragile and didn't want his friend pushing it.

As he was helping Johnny back into the room, he could tell the dark haired man  
was weakening but also saw that look of determination finally enter the other man's face. '_**That a boy, junior. I knew you were still in there fighting.**_' he silently praised, a broad grin on his face as he aided Johnny back into the bed.

Once they reached the bed and Johnny sat down, he couldn't help the deep whoosh of his pent-up breath. He couldn't believe how badly his legs had started shaking. As Roy helped him swing his legs back up into the bed, he thought, '_**Man, I'm so weak! How could I get so weak in just a few days! I mean, I was walking fine by myself just three days ago.'**_

As if he'd heard his thoughts, Roy soothed, "Don't worry about it, Johnny. You'll get your strength back. I know it seems quick on how fast this weakness hit, but you have to realize, your body has been through a lot of stress over the last week. And you're still running a fever. Just give yourself time. You'll be back on your own two feet soon."

Roy smiled widely as brown eyes looked deeply into his at his words, then Johnny sighed and gave a resigned nod. He patted the dark haired man's shoulder and asked, "Hey Johnny how about I help you freshen up a little. Would you like that?"

Johnny hesitated, a little embarrassed over his inability to do this for himself, but then he saw the look of almost pleading in his partner's blue eyes and he recalled the words, '_Whatever you need, whenever you need it, I'll get it, or do it or . . .or what ever_.' He gave a firm nod, as he thought to himself, '_**Ok buddy, let's see how good your words are.'**_

__Roy nodded, "Stay put and I'll be right back. I got your kit the other day." He left before Johnny could raise an eyebrow at that. But Johnny still had that same look on his face when Roy reentered holding his bag, a bowl of warm water, a clean washcloth and a towel. Roy chuckled, "Yes, I went to your place. Everything is alright there although I'm not sure your dog likes me."

While he spoke, Roy wet the washcloth and washed Johnny's face. Those brown eyes still watched him and now Johnny stuttered, "T . . .Te . . .zi."

Roy blinked, "Tezi? Oh. Is that the dog's name?" At Johnny's nod he continued, "OK, I don't think Tezi likes me. I didn't see PQ at all but I'm sure she's fine. You know her opinion of me." Roy kept talking while he bathed Johnny's neck, chest and arms.

Johnny nodded again. Roy looked closer at Johnny's arms as he dried them. "The burns are almost healed and so are these smaller cuts. The scabs look good." He looked into Johnny's face with a smile. Johnny blinked at him then asked, "Tate. . .?"

"Tate? Oh, yes, your paint. He looked good. He was out in the pasture with Sofie. I ran into Bud while I was there, he was already doing the barn, I gave him my address. He said his wife would probably be sending over something."

Johnny smiled softly, "She . . .makes great . . . scones." It seemed an effort to talk and he frowned then forced out. "A . . .pple crisp."

Roy smacked his lips, "I love apple crisp. I don't know about scones, don't think I've ever had any but I'd sure like to try." Inwardly Roy's heart soared. '_**He's talking! He's talking to me!'**_

Next Roy pulled several things out of Johnny's dop kit, saying, "You're looking a little scruffy there partner. How 'bout a shave?"

Johnny nodded and said, "Couldn't before. Burns hurt."

Roy nodded, "I can imagine they did. Well, I think you're healed enough now. Shall I try?" Again Johnny nodded and Roy began spreading shaving cream over his cheeks, neck and chin. Next he adjusted the safety razor and started pulling it across Johnny's face in smooth strokes. "Your beard is so light. There is no way I could get away with not shaving every day, sometimes twice a day."

"Indian . . .blood." Johnny mumbled.

"You mean there's something else in that blood other than rhythm?" he gently teased then held his breath, hoping desperately that Johnny would take the ribbing in the friendly manner it was meant and not in the manner Roy had used just last week. To his immense relief Johnny gave a faint chortle and said, "yeah." Then tapped his fingers lightly against the bowl in a quick pattern.

Roy chuckled as he finished up. He wet the edge of the towel, wiped Johnny's face off then dried it. "There. That looks better. How does it feel?"

Johnny nodded, "Better." He looked his caregiver over and for the first time, noticed the bandaged hand. He frowned heavily, then glared up at Roy.

Roy was taken aback by the sudden change in Johnny's attitude and misunderstood it. "Uhhh, ok. Well, I guess I'll just . . ."

Johnny tried to grab at his hand but couldn't reach. So instead, he pointed and demanded, "Happened!"

Roy blinked at the anger he could see in Johnny's dark eyes then he followed his gaze. His eyes widened as he realized Johnny meant his hand. "Oh! Uhh, it's nothing."

Johnny glared at him, then one eyebrow cocked upward. Johnny tried to cross his arms in front of him but winced as the movement pulled on his various stitches. Roy reached for him, concerned. "Ok Ok, don't hurt yourself. I'll tell you."

He sat in the chair and Johnny's expression now clearly said, "I'm waiting."

Roy shrugged and began. "I was on a run with Brice." Johnny made a face and Roy grinned, "Yeah I know. But oh well." He proceeded to tell Johnny about the run, even how it had reminded him of the run where Johnny had gotten hurt. Roy thought he saw regret flash in those brown eyes at that but wasn't sure. "So anyway. Dr. Bentley said I split the flesh, bruised the joint compartments and cracked the fifth metacarpal. So it's wrapped like this until the swelling goes down, then he'll decide if he wants to fully cast it or leave it in this half cast." Roy concluded and waited to see what Johnny's reaction would be.

Johnny looked at Roy's hand then back at his own wrapped hands. "Bentley give discount?"

Roy's laugh represented a sharp bark. "No! As a matter of fact he even specifically said he didn't," he paused then grinned at his partner, "Robin."

A slight grin turned up Johnny's lips. He raised his hands slightly, inspected them then pretended to inspect Roy's in a like manner. He nodded to himself as if proving something then looked into Roy's face.

That lovely little flame in Roy's chest surged as he could have sworn he saw a mischievous glint in those brown orbs. Then Johnny said, "know wh't happened. you'w're jealous."

Roy blinked stunned, as Johnny sat there looking smug, then he threw back his head and laughed. It felt so good. He even heard Johnny's faint giggle.

Then Johnny yawned widely. Roy patted his shoulder. "Tired?" Johnny nodded, his eyes drooping. "OK. Why don't you take a short nap."

Johnny nodded and settled back. Suddenly his eyes went wide again, "Day?" He asked. Roy looked concerned first then confused. "Day? What do you mean, day? OH! Do you want to know what day today is?"

Again Johnny nodded.

"It's Sunday, Johnny." Roy answered.

Now Johnny looked worried, "You have church." He was well familiar with the routine of the DeSoto household and he knew that when Roy wasn't on shift, he always accompanied his family to church. There had been times in the past, Johnny had gone with them, enjoying the family time.

Roy shook his head, "Jo and Jenny are going. I'm gonna stay here with you." Johnny frowned and Roy smiled at him. "It's alright, junior. Jo actually insisted I stay. Now. You settle back and sleep. When you get up how 'bout some coffee and fresh pumpkin bread for breakfast?"

Roy heart jumped again at the flash of interest in Johnny's eyes at that. "Pumpkin bread?" he asked the slight smile growing on his face. Roy nodded, "Yeah and for lunch we're having beef and noodles. Maggie Stanley sent it over."

Johnny frowned, "Cap was here. Right?"

Roy nodded, "Yeah, Cap came by this morning before shift. He wanted to check on you."

Johnny nodded to himself, "Not a dream."

Roy chuckled, "No, it wasn't a dream. Cap was here this morning. He brought over the pumpkin bread and beef and noodles for you." He could tell sleep was pulling harder at the younger man. Each blink Johnny made was getting longer and slower. He laid a hand on his partner's shoulder. "Sleep, Johnny." Johnny's eyes closed fully and didn't reopen. Roy sat watching him.

"Roy, we're leaving." Jo's soft voice came from the hallway. Roy rose from the chair and went out to her. She smiled, "You shaved him? He looks better this morning." Roy nodded, "I think so too. He's still very weak and he tires easily but he's talking again." Then he frowned, "His temp is still over 100."

Jo kissed him on the cheek. "Give him time. We'll see you in a couple hours. I'd better get out there before Jenny comes looking for me. It was all I could do to keep her out of here as soon as she got up."

Roy smiled, "She's good for him. She loves him."

Jo smiled, "The feeling is mutual. Bye now."

Roy took the opportunity to refresh his own coffee. Then he sliced off several pieces of the pumpkin bread and poured another cup of coffee. He had a feeling that Johnny would only nap. Sure enough he had just finished when the springs squeaked again. He took up the tray he'd prepared and carried it into the sunroom. Brown eyes blinked up at him as he set the tray down. "Here you go. Coffee."

He carefully reached out and sat Johnny up, stuffed several pillows behind him and then rested Johnny back on them. Then he took the coffee cup and held it out. Johnny moved his head forward and parted his lips. Roy held the cup and felt Johnny's left hand come up on his. He let Johnny control the cup, he just held the weight. When Johnny moved his head back, he replaced the cup on the tray and picked up a piece of the bread. "Here Johnny. Eat this."

Again his heart soared as Johnny's left hand came up and Johnny took the bread from him, feeding himself the small piece. "Ummmm. Good."

Roy plopped a piece into his own mouth. "Yeah. It is good."

Johnny gave a faint grin, "Best hot. Straight from oven."

Roy nodded as he placed another piece into his friend's hand. "I could see that."

Johnny slowly ate that piece as well, then said, "Cream cheese."

Roy looked confused and Johnny gave a laugh. That flame in Roy's soul flared into a bonfire at the sound he hadn't heard in weeks. Johnny moved his hand with the bread in it. "Try with cream cheese."

Roy nodded, understanding now. "Oh. Ok. Maybe next time." He put another piece into Johnny's hand but Johnny handed it back. "Coffee."

Again Roy helped him but let him guide. Before long, Johnny had eaten two healthy slices of bread and drank nearly a full cup of coffee. But now his arm was beginning to shake and his eyelids to droop. Roy wiped the few crumbs that had collected on Johnny's sheet off and asked, "Johnny, do you want to lay flatter? I can remove some of the pillows."

Johnny's eyes had nearly closed but he shook his head. By the time Roy had placed the empty cups and plate back onto the tray, Johnny's breath was deep and even with sleep.

Roy put the tray back in the kitchen and washed the dishes. Then he picked up the paper and read through it. Before he knew it, he heard the garage door raise and then Jenny burst in. "Hi Daddy! Guess what! Father said a special prayer just for Uncle Johnny!"

Roy smiled at his daughter where she bounced in his lap. "He did? That's great!" Jenny nodded, "Yeap! Now I know Uncle Johnny will get better 'cause God will make him better." Roy met his wife's eyes, knowing the worry and touch of hope he saw there was reflected in his own.

Roy felt uncertain in how to respond to that. He knew that Johnny's condition was precarious at best. If something happened, what would his little girl think? But before he could answer, Jenny was off the subject and telling him all about the story told that day. "And I got to sit right on the step in front of the alter right in front of Father and Marylou sat right next to me and I got to hold the sheep and Marylou held the goat and we helped Father tell the story!"

Roy smiled as he listened to his daughter's chatter, occasionally catching his wife's eye with a smile as Jo bustled about the kitchen getting dinner ready. Finally Jo interrupted, "Jenny. It's time for dinner. Go upstairs and change out of your good clothes and wash up."

"Ok." The little girl acknowledged as she scooted off her father's lap. Roy grabbed her arm and she turned back to him. "Uncle Johnny is sleeping. Please don't wake him. You can talk to him once he's up, ok sweetheart?"

She frowned then reluctantly nodded, "Ok, I know he has to sleep to get better, Daddy."

Roy smiled and released her, "That's a good girl now go do what your mother says." And she skipped off, singing.

Jo pulled plates down for the meal and noticed as she did that the pumpkin bread loaf had been cut. She felt hands on her waist and turned to her husband, a question in her eyes. To her delight, her husband's blue eyes held a sparkle that had been absent for weeks. "Johnny and I had a nice breakfast." He told her. "We shared coffee and pumpkin bread while we chatted."

Jo looked at him closely then hugged him tightly, "Oh Roy I'm so glad."

Roy hugged her back, "Yeah so am I. He ate nearly two pieces, and drank almost a full cup." His smile widened as he added, "Jo. He fed himself."

Jo turned back to the counter, blinking her eyes quickly but Roy heard her soft prayer, "Thank God."

He kissed the back of her neck as he added. "Amen." After a close moment, he released his wife and began setting the table. Jenny bounced down singing, "Jesus wants me for a sunbeam . .." and helped her daddy by getting the silverware. Soon the family was seated, prayer had been said and the plates were filled. Talk was quiet for the most part as the dinner was consumed. They were just finishing up when there was a knock on the door.

"Wonder who that is?" Roy mused as he rose from his chair. Jo shrugged as she continued scraping the plates then dunking them into the soapy water in the sink. "Go see." She told him then giggled as he gave her a mock growl.

Surprise raised his eyebrows as he opened the door, "Doc! Dixie! Uhh, come in come in."

"Hi Roy, we didn't interrupt your meal did we?" Dixie smiled as the two stepped into the house. "Hello Jo, Jenny." She greeted the two as they came into the room from the kitchen.

"No we were just cleaning up." She told the two. "Would anyone like coffee? Or perhaps Ice Tea? I just made them fresh."

Dixie smiled, "I could use a glass of tea. Kel?"

"Coffee is fine, thanks." The doctor added.

Dixie raised the covered dish in her hands. "I brought dessert. Johnny ate so much of my bread pudding when we had that little dessert thing at Rampart last month I figured I bring some for him . . .and of course you."

Jo smiled as she took the dish. She winked at her husband. "Boy! We'll certainly eat well as long as he stays here. Maybe we should have him move in?"

At the two's bewildered look, Roy explained about Cap stopping by earlier and what he'd been told by Johnny's neighbor. "Well, at that rate he'll be back up to weight in no time." Dixie laughed.

"As long as he eats it." Brackett couldn't help but grumble. "Speaking on my patient . . ."

Roy smiled. "He had a good night, slept almost the whole time. He's been up this morning and seemed a little stronger. We had breakfast together and he ate nearly two large pieces of pumpkin bread. He's asleep now."

Kel listened carefully. "Good. And his temp?"

Now Roy frowned, "Still elevated. It was 100.8 this morning at about 6. Respirations good, lung sounds clear. Pulse about 78. BP a little low for him, 108/68."

Brackett nodded and the faint sound of squeaking caused both Roy's and Jo's head to turned toward the hallway at the same time. They faced back to their company and grinned, "He's awake."

Brackett hefted his black bag. "Good. I want to see him." Jo excused herself and called Jenny to help her to make sure the little girl was out of the way. Roy led the way down the hall. As he shoved the pocket door all the way open, Johnny turned his head to the entrance, his eyes blinking open. He saw the two with Roy and sat forward a little more.

Brackett raised his hand. "Don't Johnny. Just stay right where you are." He smiled at his paramedic but his practiced sight took in everything at once. '_**Colors still off. hmmm, don't like that fever blush.**_'

He sat in the chair and opened his bag. "Did Roy tell you I'd be by today?"

Johnny looked up at his partner, saw the slightly horrified look as Roy realized he hadn't and gave a faint smile.

"Johnny, I'm sorry! I forgot!" Roy burst out. "I told Jo but when I got home I was so concerned about getting the IV started and. . ."

Johnny stopped him by making a cutting motion with his left hand. "No. 's ok though. He's been pretty busy."

Brackett hadn't missed the exchange and was very happy to see a spark of life in those brown eyes. It had been missing way too long, as far as he was concerned. He glanced at the pad of paper on the table and gave Roy a look of approval. "How 'bout we see how you are doing, Mr. Gage."

Johnny grinned. Brackett turned slightly and in a obviously forced severe sounding voice said, "Nurse, would you get me a fresh set of vitals?"

"Certainly, doctor." Dixie mimicked his tone as she stepped forward. She winked at Johnny and he smiled at her. "Hiya handsome."

"Dix. Dream come true. You play . . . doctor with me?" Johnny haltingly joked.

Dixie laughed as she wiped off the thermometer, shook it down, checked it again and plopped it into his grinning mouth. "Wrap your lips around that, hotshot." She told him then wrapped the BP cuff around his upper left arm, trying not to grimace as she tightened it over his shrunken bicep. Before long she had a new set of vitals rattled off, not much different from the ones Roy had told them earlier.

One difference though, Johnny heard them. He frowned, "Not that good."

Brackett smiled at him, "They're not that bad either Johnny. Now, how's the ear? Still painful?"

Johnny shook his head.

"How's your hearing?"

"Better. Not so warblely." he replied. Dixie looked at Roy and mouthed, 'Warblely?" Roy chuckled and shrugged but his eyes watched every move the team made around and on his friend. Brackett had pulled out an otoscope and was carefully checking Johnny's ears. Brackett looked up at Dixie and said, "Dix, could you draw some blood?"

She nodded and began searching his arms for a site. Johnny pointed to the back of his arm. "Roy did here." he said around the thermometer still in his mouth. Dixie frowned at him, removed the instrument, read it and placed it back in its container. "Kel, temp is 101 on the dot." Then she went back to his arms, and found a site. She tightened back up the BP cuff as a tourniquet then holding his arm under hers told him, "Little stick."

Johnny turned his head, frowning, "Why d'we say that?" He grumbled. "S'lie. no little abo' ahhhhh!"

Dixie didn't release him as she moved the needle again under his skin. Johnny hung his head, his eyes squeezed closed. After a minute, Dixie laid the needle down on a unwrapped 4x4, placed a bandage over the site she'd tried, then rolled Johnny's arm from where she had it trapped and scrubbed at another place. Again she advanced the needle and Johnny made a growling sound through his clenched teeth. This time, she achieved success and attached the tube to the catheter.

Sweat started to drop from Johnny's forehead as he remained in his hunched over posture, his eyes tightly closed, his breath coming in pants. Roy had stepped forward, his hand rubbing comfort on Johnny's back. He could see the thick dark fluid slowly filling the tube. He could also see the spreading bruise from the failed site. After she had filled four tubes, she looked up at Roy who quickly handed her another 2x2. She withdrew the needle and Johnny let out a heavy sigh. She bandaged the area and put pressure on the wound.

"I'm sorry, Johnny." She looked down at the young man she cared so about. "The first vein blew as soon as I punctured it." Brown eyes looked up at her and blinked then he gave a faint smile. "'Soright. Happens besta us."

He looked up at Roy, his eyes rolling slightly. "Dizzy." he murmured. Instantly Roy leaned him forward, forcing his head down. "Take deep breaths, Johnny." He kept him like that until he felt Johnny pushing back against his hand. He allowed him to lie back in the pillows, seeing that Dixie had removed one so he was at more of an incline.

Recovered and a little embarrassed, Johnny looked at his worried friends. "Not doing s'good, huh?"

Brackett's mouth twitched as he said, "I wouldn't say that Johnny. Your vitals are a little low but you've had a rough week. Your ears are doing good. The right ear drum is healing well and the infection in the left is mostly gone. I know you're a little weak but that's to be expected. This fever is taking a lot out of you, on top of the injuries and the surgery you just had. Don't forget, that's not quite been a week ago," He patted his paramedic's arm. "On the up side, your wounds look good, the burns are nearly healed. Now we need to get some weight on you."

Brown eyes looked mournfully up at them. All three were so happy to see sort of emotion in those coffee shaded depths they had to hold back smiles, "'m tryin'"

Dixie smiled soothingly as she patted his dark head, "I know you are, handsome. Roy said you had a good breakfast."

Johnny smiled again and they all could tell he had reached his limit as his eyes rolled again. "pumpkin . . .bread." he whispered, his eyes closing. He struggled to pull them open again, looking at his visitors. "so sleepy."

Brackett laid a hand on his ill paramedic's shoulder, "I know you are. And sleep and food and plenty of it are just what this doctor is ordering. I want to get those blood samples to the lab to check on the infection but everything so far is looking good. Are you still on the antibiotics?"

"He's got enough for four more days." Roy supplied. Brackett nodded. "Good. Make sure he keeps taking them." He looked down at the young man, seeing his head had lolled to one side, eyes closed, mouth slightly parted in deep sleep. He motioned toward the door as he gathered up his supplies.

Once back in the hallway, Jo met them, waving them into the kitchen where she had their drinks ready and Dixie's bread pudding on the table along with waiting plates. The four sat down as Jo asked, "How is he?"

They told her about the exam. Dixie frowned as she said, "He's gonna have quite a bruise again on that arm."

Brackett patted her arm. "Johnny was right, Dix. It does happen to the best of us. There's nothing you could have done differently, you didn't know."

She looked up, her eyes worried, "He's so weak, Kel." He nodded.

"He actually been stronger today than he was yesterday." Roy interjected. "Yesterday he was so weak, he couldn't even lift his hands or have a enough strength to talk."

Kel sipped his coffee then added, "Well, he _**is**_ looking better. The fever is still there but it is down and the infection is nearly gone. I think he just needs a lot of rest and time. His body was already worn down before this happened and with this infection on top of the injuries and surgery, well, that's a lot for even a health body to handle."

The four friends chatted about various things as they partook of their beverages and Dixie's pudding. Then Brackett looked at his watch and frowned. "It's almost 2:30. I didn't mean to take up so much of your time."

Roy smiled, "It's ok Doc. I'm glad you came out to check him. I was worried." Dixie and Brackett rose up, thanked their hosts and gave last minute directions over the care of their friend. As they were walking toward the door, Brackett suddenly stopped, reaching back into his bag. "Oh, Roy. I almost forgot." He handed the puzzled man a sheet of paper and a small paper bag. "Its standing orders for an IV if you think he needs one and another set up of D5W." He shrugged nonchalantly "Just in case."

Roy grinned as Dixie grabbed doctor's arm and pulled him toward the door. As they left, both turned once more. "If you need us, if his condition changes for the worse, if anything happens . . ."

"You'll be the first we call, right after the squad." Jo said and Roy looked at her. Dixie gave her a wink, remembering when she'd said those words before. Both chuckled and with a wave, left.

Once the door was shut, Roy sighed, "I'm gonna check on Johnny. It's almost time for his meds again and I want to get him to eat more." Jo nodded, "I'll heat up some of the beef and noodles for him and bring it in."

Roy nodded and went down the hall, a glass of fresh juice in his hand. He entered the room, saw his partner was still sleeping and placed the juice on the table and the bag with the IV set-up near the other medical supplies they were keeping close at hand. He looked out into the backyard, and sighed as he muttered, "Looking a little shaggy out there. Guess I need to mow today."

"Don't ask me." came a voice from the bed. Roy turned his attention to his patient with a smile. "Hey Johnny. Thirsty? I brought you some juice."

He helped his friend sit up, replacing the other pillows so he was propped more upright then retrieved the glass. Johnny reached up but was unable to get his hand around the glass because of its slickness so Roy held it while Johnny drank. When it was nearly empty Johnny pulled back. Roy raised his eyebrow. "I guess you were thirsty. Do you want more?"

Johnny shook his head.

"Are you hungry? Jo's heating up the beef and noodles for you."

Johnny opened his mouth to answer but before he could, his stomach expressed an opinion of its own. Johnny looked chagrined as Roy laughed. "I'll take that as a resounding yes." He was just standing to head into the kitchen when Jo came through the door with a plate in her hands.

"I heard someone in here might be hungry." She smiled at her guest and he smiled back. She pulled the tray they'd used before when someone was ill, closer to the bed and put the plate on it. "Can you manage yourself or do you need help?"

Johnny didn't answer, instead he took the fork carefully in his left hand, and although it shook, he managed to get a fair portion into his mouth. He chewed contently.

He took several more bites then stopped, looking back and forth at his grinning friends with a puzzled expression.

Realizing what they were doing and not wanting to make Johnny self conscious they both stood up quickly. "Well, I uhhh, need to start some laundry. Enjoy your meal, Johnny." Jo said and left.

He looked at Roy who had also stood, "I'll ummm, guess . . ."

Johnny shook his head, "You can . .. stay."

Roy smiled at him, then spied the nearly empty glass. "Hey, Johnny do you want some ice tea, water or more juice?"

Johnny thought for a moment then decided, "Beer."

Roy laughed and was relieved to see Johnny give a soft smile. Roy shook his head, "Sorry Junior, I don't think that'll go with your meds."

Johnny sighed then shrugged, "Ice tea." Roy picked up the glass. "OK, one ice tea, coming up." and he left.

He took his time returning, wanting to give Johnny time to eat. When he came back into the room, he saw Johnny leaning back into the pillows, the fork on the plate, his arm back at his side. Roy looked at the food with a frown. Two bites out of the roll, and not much missing from the noodles.

"Johnny? Is there something wrong? You didn't eat much." Roy stated. Johnny looked up at him. Roy tried to read the expression in his friend's eyes. "Did you want something else?'

Johnny shook his head, his gaze dropping back to his lap. Then his stomach made a noise again and he bunched his eyebrows downward and screwed up his face. All at once Roy put it together as he retook his seat. "Johnny. It's alright. Brackett said you'd be weak for a while yet."

Johnny remained looking down. Roy took up the fork and without another word, filled it with food. He placed it near Johnny's mouth and waited. After a few moments, Johnny opened his mouth and Roy fed him. This continued with Roy feeding him bites of noodles and beef, interspersed with bits of roll and drinks of ice tea. Once he was sure there was enough food in Johnny's stomach to buffer, he gave him his medicine then continued feeding him.

When Johnny finally signaled he'd had enough, most of the plate was empty as was the glass. Now Johnny's eyes were half mast yet again. Roy removed the tray and leaned him forward, removed some of the pillows and let him lay back. Johnny's eyes closed almost as soon as his head made contact with the pillows and Roy left him dozing.

He told his wife Johnny was finished and then headed out into the backyard to mow.

Jo finished up the load she had in, folded it and went back upstairs to get more. Once upstairs, she gathered more clothes, smiled as she checked on Jenny and found her playing with her barbies in her room. She dumped the clothes onto the floor in the laundry room and went into the kitchen. She did dishes and cleaned in there until she heard the dryer beep. She pulled the clean clothes out, folded them and put another load in. As she did she heard Jenny's voice jabbering away. '_**She must have brought her dolls down here.**_' she thought. She picked up the basket and headed into the kitchen. Jenny wasn't there. She put away the cleaned washtowels and looked into the living room. Jenny wasn't there either. She could still here her daughter's voice and it was very plain she was talking to someone.

Suddenly, she knew and headed down the hallway, "Jennifer Marie, I told you not to . . ." She stopped at the door way at the sight before her. A soft smile came across her face and she pulled back some, still close enough to watch but not enough to interrupt.

Jenny was seated in the chair beside Johnny. She had a bowl of bread pudding in her hands and was feeding it to Johnny, jabbering the whole time. Johnny's eyes were locked onto Jenny's face, a faint smile on his lips. He readily accepted each bite while his nurse rebuffed him.

"You are way too skinny, young man, you know that? You need to eat more and get strong again. Don't you know you can't fight fires being skinny?" Jenny scolded. "You need to eat this lovely pudding and get all better."

She paused as she looked down into the bowl, hesitating only briefly in her feeding. "This stuff is ok. Miss Dixie brought it, you know. I ate some. But to tell the truth, I like banana pudding much better. Maybe I can ask Mommy if we can make banana pudding with vanilla wafers!" She got excited. "Yes! That'd be really good! Would you like that Uncle Johnny?"

She placed another spoonful to Johnny's mouth but this time he didn't take it. Jenny stopped and looked at him, "Here Uncle Johnny, it's not all gone yet. You have to eat it so you get better." She tried again but Johnny turned his head and gave a soft, "No more."

Slowly Jenny put the spoon back into the bowl as her face crumpled and tears began falling off her cheeks. "You didn't eat it all. Miss Dixie said you really liked this stuff. I heard Dr. Brackett say you needed to eat so you got better. If you don't eat, you won't get better and I want you to get better Uncle Johnny." She began to hiccup with sobs.

Slowly Johnny lifted his left hand and wiped the tears from her face. "Don't cry, kid . .. dle. I'll get better." He whispered.

At that Jenny dropped the bowl and threw her arms around his neck, buried her head in his chest and cried. Johnny patted her back then looked up at Jo as she came into the room. "I . . .Jo, I . . ."

She smiled at him as she lifted her daughter. "It's alright Johnny. Here Jenny. I think Uncle Johnny is just full right now. He did eat a big lunch just a little over an hour ago."

Jenny looked at her mother, sniffling, "He . . .he did?" Jo nodded to her. She looked at her Uncle who repeated the nod. "Oh. Ok." She looked down at the bowl. "I'm sorry. I made a mess."

Jo nodded, "That's ok. You can help me clean it up. Got get some paper towels."

Johnny watched as the two cleaned up the mess, mother comforting daughter, until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. He was dimly aware of soft lips touching his cheek and a little voice saying, "Sleep good Uncle Johnny." He smiled softly, then they were gone.

As he lay in the bed in the sunroom, he listened to the faint sounds of the DeSoto household. He could hear clothes being tossed around in the dryer, the sound of Roy's rickety mower, and Jo singing with Jenny while she did whatever in the kitchen. They were good sounds, pleasant sounds—homey sounds. And he had to stop and think.

Roy's treatment of him over the last few weeks had hurt and hurt him badly but during that time Jo and Jenny and others had showed him he was still loved. He remembered the promise he'd made to himself not to care anymore, to not let himself be hurt like Roy had hurt him ever again, but now, after today, he couldn't help but hear his grandfather's words come back to him, "When someone you care about hurts you, it hurts worse then if the same thing was done by someone else. That's because, Tanaġidaŋ, those that we love the most also have the ability to hurt us the most. And when we do get hurt, it's those same people who have what is needed to make the hurt better. Oh it might never fully go away, but you can't live your life afraid of hurts, that's not living, that's just existing. And always remember, your true family, those you love and who love you in return, that is more important than anything else. "

Today, he'd again felt connected to this family and it felt good. Johnny remembered the time when he'd had no one, when those who were supposed to care for him hated him and hurt him. Yes, they might have hurt his body but never his soul like he hurt now. And he remembered how he felt dead inside when he hadn't allowed anyone to care about him or for him. He didn't want that again.

Slowly, more than a little scared, Johnny allowed the pieces of himself that he'd hidden away after Roy's cruel words in the squad to come back up into his soul again. His eyes filled with tears of pain at the remembered words but then those cruel words were gradually canceled out by the gentleness that Roy had been treating him with over the last few days. Slowly, bit by bit, those deep wounds sealed, still there, but finally healing. And exhausted, Johnny slept.


	31. Chapter 31

OK, here's a bit more. Midterms are going good but Johnny's been talking so I decided to get this out now. Enjoy!

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Johnny slept late into the evening and this time when he woke, Jo was sitting with him reading a magazine. She looked up and saw brown eyes blinking at her and smiled. Johnny smiled back, sitting up. Jo placed more pillows behind him and he sat back asking, "How long?"

"You've had a good nap. It's now almost 9. Are you hungry again?'

He made a face, "Thirsty." She immediately handed over a glass of ice tea. Johnny caught the straw in his mouth and drank until the straw slurped noisily. Jo raised her eyebrows, "Boy! You weren't kidding! You really were thirsty."

Johnny nodded. Jo stood, the glass in her hand. "Since you sucked that down so fast, it obviously wasn't enough. Hold on and I'll get you more." She left the room before Johnny could say anything. Johnny sighed and rubbed his eyes with the knuckles of his two fingers on his left hand. When he blinked his vision free again, another glass was in front of him. He looked up from it into Roy's smiling face.

"Jo's fixing you something to eat Johnny. I brought you some juice and your meds." He helped the younger man swallow the pills and again Johnny nearly drained the glass. When he was done, he leaned back into the pillows once more. "Johnny, I need to do a vitals check."

Johnny frowned, "Just drank." He told him.

Roy nodded, "I know. I'll take your temp axillary." At that he took out the thermometer, wiped it down and placed it under Johnny's arm. Then he placed his fingers on Johnny's throat to read his pulse. At the same time he took a respiration. He recorded the levels then checked the thermometer. He frowned as he recorded it's reading.

"Still up?" Johnny asked, but he was sure he knew the answer.

"Yeah, just about 101 still." Roy wrapped the BP cuff around Johnny's left arm and then recorded that reading as well. He has just rolled the instrument back up and placed it back into the bag near the bed when Jo came in carrying a plate and a glass. The smells coming from the plate made the saliva in Johnny's mouth run and he sat up straighter. Roy stuffed more pillows behind him as Jo maneuvered the tray into position. She smiled at her husband, stroked Johnny's cheek with her hand then left.

"Smells good, huh." Roy said. "Jo decided to make ham and scalloped potatoes for supper." Without saying anything he handed Johnny the spoon then sat back, talking to his friend while he ate. After awhile, he noticed Johnny's hand began to shake and his arm droop. When Johnny laid the spoon down and reached instead for the buttered roll, Roy picked it up. After Johnny placed the half-eaten roll back on the plate, Roy scooped up more potatoes and ham and fed his friend. The whole time, he never broke his conversation nor did he miss the look of gratitude Johnny gave him.

The plate was soon empty as well as most of the glass and Johnny sat back, contented until the building pressure in his bladder caused him to shift uncomfortably.

"Uhhh, Roy?"

Roy looked over at Johnny, saw the slight frown and that Johnny was moving his legs toward the edge of the bed. Without a word, he stood and reached for his friend. "Here you go Johnny. Just like before." The routine when faster than before, both men quietly pleased with their accomplishment.

Once Roy had Johnny back in bed, he pulled the sheet over his friend, noticing his eyes again drooping. He smiled. "You got everything you need now, Johnny?"

Johnny nodded and yawned widely. Roy smiled again. "Ok. I'm leaving the monitor right here. You need anything, anything at all, give a shout and I'm be right here."

"Kay." Johnny replied his eyes more closed then open. He was glad Roy was leaving him with only the monitor. That told him just how much he'd recovered if Roy was planning on sleeping upstairs. And Johnny was happy for that.

Roy set the monitor and looked back once more on his partner. The younger man's eyes were closed, his face relaxed in sleep. He laid a gentle hand on top of that tousled dark hair and murmured softly, "Sleep well, my friend." The he went off to join his wife.

The sound of voices in animated conversation steadily pulled Roy from the fuzzy dream world he'd been in. As he slowly woke up, he could hear them clearer. One was young, higher pitched and prone to giggles. The other deeper, slower in words. Bewildered, he listened, a little more alert. Bedroom. He was in his bedroom. Who else was in his bedroom?

Then another giggle followed by a deeper laugh, followed by, "Uncle Johnny! Now just look at you, young man. You're a mess!"

Roy's eyes popped open and he sat up quickly. "I think our daughter is trying to nursemaid your partner again." Jo's amused voice came out of the mounded blankets.

Roy sighed. "I'd better go see what kind of mess the children are into now." He grumbled and his wife now giggled. She'd told him earlier about Jenny trying to feed Johnny the bread pudding.

Quickly throwing on a pair of jeans, Roy hurried downstairs and into the sunroom. As he entered, he stopped at the sight of two sets of large eyes, one blue the other brown, looking in his direction.

Johnny sat up in his bed, his legs pulled up loosely in a modified cross legged position. Jenny sat on the bed facing him, a plate in one hand and a napkin in another. She was trying to wipe Johnny's face but her actions were only serving to smear the peanut butter there more. "Moornigg Woy!" Johnny garbled happily.

Roy blinked at him. Jenny smiled big. "Hi Daddy! Guess what? I fixed Uncle Johnny breakfast!"

Johnny nodded and tried unsuccessfully to swallow whatever was in his mouth. "Peyetbuderrr doass" He inarticulateted.

Roy rolled his eyes, grabbed up the glass near the bed and placed it against his partner's lips. "Here, drink before you choke to death. I'd hate to try to explain that to Brackett." Johnny drank the offered milk greedily, trying—between swallows—to loosen the peanut mass in his mouth and force it down his throat.

"Uncle Johnny ate two whole pieces of peanut butter toast Daddy!" Jenny bounced on the bed before Roy had a chance to pull the glass away. Sure enough, the glass sloshed, Johnny choked and began to sputter as milk invaded his nose. With a muted curse, Roy set the glass on the table, grabbed the sheet and began wiping off his partner's face while Johnny coughed and choked.

Jenny watched wide eyed as Roy tried to help his choking, gasping and now milk drenched patient. "Uncle Johnny . . .?" She whispered, her voice and lower lip both quivering.

"I. . I'm f . . .fine, Jenny." Johnny managed to choke out.

"Roy, why don't you get him into the bathroom and help him get cleaned up." Jo's voice proceeded her as she stepped up to the bed.

Jenny looked up at her mother, tears swimming in her blue eyes. "I was only trying to help, Mommy." She whined. Jo nodded. "I know. Now you can help me. We'll need to clean this up while Daddy is helping Uncle Johnny."

Roy helped Johnny to his feet and aided him toward the bathroom. Johnny was now sneezing, trying to get the last of the milk from his sinuses. "Roy, wait. Here." Both men stopped and Roy turned around at his wife's call. A bundle came his way and he instinctively caught it, seeing it was another pair of sweats and another t-shirt. He smiled and took Johnny out of the room.

Jenny stood by the bed, sniffling. Jo looked at the rumbled mess before her. Crumbs, milk and peanut butter speckled the sheets. "I'm sorry Mommy!" Jenny finally wailed.

"That's enough of that young lady." Jo's voice was firm. "We need to get this cleaned up before Uncle Johnny comes back. Get the extra sheets out of the closet while I strip these off. Mousie! Stop drinking that milk!" The cat ignored her as she lapped eagerly at the treat her tail slowly switching.

Roy chuckled at the sounds coming from the bedroom, then turned his attention back to the dark haired men in front of him. Johnny had finished blowing his nose and rinsing his mouth. When he turned to look up at Roy, Roy took the warmed cloth he'd had ready and began washing his face. That done, he stripped the soggy t-shirt off and washed the other man's chest and arms. "Stay right here, Johnny, while I have you stripped, I'm gonna change your bandages."

Johnny nodded and Roy was relieved to see he also held himself well on the closed toilet. Roy was quick and soon returned. Johnny watched as Roy removed each bandage, checked the wounds underneath then applied a fresh covering over them.

"Hey, Roy? Don't blame Jenny." Johnny's voice was quiet but Roy noticed it had more vibrancy to it then the weak version of yesterday.

"She's not in trouble Johnny." Roy assured him as he helped remove the sweatpants and likewise changed those bandages as well. "Jo's in there with her having her help change your bedding." He smiled into the frowning face, "We know she only wants to help you get better. It's all any of us want."

Johnny sighed heavily as he looked at his bandaged hands, "Me too." His words were soft but Roy heard. He assisted Johnny in the remainder of his morning routine, then excused himself, saying, "Let me see if the girls are done."

As he opened the door, Jo passed with the dirty sheets bundled up in her hands, "All set guys. I'm off to make coffee. Johnny? Would you like some?"

"Please." Johnny answered as Roy helped him back to his feet. Once he was resettled, Jenny sitting on his bed, curled close to his chest, Jo entered with the cup. Roy took it, saying, "Jenny, get off the bed so we don't have a repeat performance. Here, Johnny, slowly…"

As he had the previous morning, he held the weight and let Johnny guide the cup as he drank. When he pulled back, Roy sat the cup on table. "Roy, Jenny, breakfast!"

Roy turned to see a rueful smile on the younger man's face. "Go eat yours, I've already had mine."

With a smile, Roy scooped up his daughter and, throwing the giggling child over his shoulder, left the room.

So the morning passed, Jenny spent some time with her Uncle reading to him from her favorite books and showing him all the new doll items she'd gotten over the last month. Like any good uncle, he 'ooohed' and 'ahhhhed' over each while his partner and wife secretly listened from the hallway, their hearts happy. By the time lunch was over, Johnny was clearly exhausted.

"Jenny." Jo said as she entered the sunroom. "Melissa's mom just called. She's taking Melissa and Cindy to the mall to watch a movie and they wanted to know if you'd like to go."

Jenny's eyes widened and she jumped up happily. "Yes! I . .. oh." She looked back over at her Uncle. "I can't. I have to help take care of Uncle Johnny."

"You go." Johnny said with a weary smile. "Tell me about it later." He wasn't about to say anything, but he was really getting tired and his right arms was aching something fierce.

She hesitated. "Are you sure?" He only nodded. Again she danced with excitement.

"Hurry and change your clothes then I'll give you some money." Her mother told her. As she raced excitedly from the room, the two adults shared a smile. Jo patted Johnny's shoulder, seeing that he could barely keep his eyes open. "Now you can sleep Johnny. Roy's working outside but I'll only be a shout away."

Johnny nodded his head and let his tired body relax as sleep quickly overpowered him. Jo pulled the door halfway shut as she left the room.

And so the afternoon passed. Jo checked Johnny periodically but he slept on unawares. She had just finished prepping supper and cleaning up the kitchen when a knock sounded at the front door. She opened it to see Marco standing there. She smiled brightly at the man and motioned him in.

"Hi Jo." He held out a bag as he stepped in. "Momma sent some things over for Johnny."

She reached to take the bag, but he pulled it back. "It's pretty heavy. Just tell me where you want it."

"Oh, I guess the kitchen."

Marco nodded and headed that way, Jo on his heels. "Momma made chicken and rice soup. Johnny loves it. Whenever he was sick when he was little it was the only thing he'd eat." He told her. '_**When he was little . . .' **_puzzled, ' _**How does Marco know what Johnny ate when he was little?'**_ She filed that away to ask Roy later as Marco went on. "She also made some frybread and some tamales." He pulled all the items out and placed them in the fridge then folded up the sack and faced her.

"There's fresh coffee if you want it." She waved toward the pot. "Johnny's asleep. He had kind of a busy morning."

"Oh?" came a new deeper voice. "What happened?"

Jo turned around and faced her husband as well as Mike Stoker and Hank Stanley. She looked at her husband who shrugged, "I went out to put something in the mail and they were driving up."

Mike handed Jo more covered dishes. "I hope you don't mind. I made some fried chicken. Uhhhh, Johnny really likes it so I ….uh…" He looked nervously from one DeSoto to the other, remembering the fight his spaghetti had caused. However Jo smiled and took the dish. "Don't worry Mike. That's all behind us. Besides…" She looked slyly at him, "If I find out it's better than mine I'll only force you to give me the recipe."

Mike sighed in relief, "Done. Oh and this is some sort of jello cake. It's from Becky. She said you'd asked her for the recipe so I figured it was safe."

She swung playfully at the other man and he cowed backwards while the other three laughed. Then she made an exaggerated show of looking around. The four men exchanged glances before Roy asked, "Uhh, honey? What are you doing?"

"I'm looking for Chet. He's the only one from your shift not here."

"And he'd better keep it that way," Hank's voice was firm. Roy and Jo looked surprised until Marco explained. "Chet called in yesterday. Seems he's come down with that bug Brackett told you about. Cap absolutely forbade him from even thinking about coming over here until he's totally cleared by the docs."

"That's right." Hank nodded. "The last thing John needs is to be exposed by that twit."

Jo nodded her head in agreement as she placed the items from Mike in the fridge. Hank cleared his throat. "Umm, there's more Jo. Maggie really got into a spree and well, if you guys would help me out later, we can bring it in. It's in my cooler in the back of my truck."

Jo's eyes widened, "That much!"

Hank nodded then grinned with a shrug, "I guess we all know how much Johnny can eat."

Jo shook her head in amazement, "So do I. Well, I guess I should be grateful! It looks like I won't have to cook all week!" The four men laughed.

Roy poured each a cup of coffee and soon they were all settled at the table. "So how is he doing?"

Roy smiled. "Much better. He's been stronger this morning and he's been eating." He sipped his brew before he continued, "While it's no where near the amount he can put away, it's a lot better than he has been."

"Good." Hank stated.

Roy smiled at him, "By the way. Tell Maggie she was dead on with that pumpkin bread."

Hank raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

Roy nodded and proceeded to tell his shiftmates about how Johnny had acted the previous morning when Roy'd told him Maggie had sent pumpkin bread for him and how they shared breakfast. Relieved smiles broke out on each man's face.

Mike turned to Jo. "When we came in, you said Johnny was asleep and that he'd had a busy morning. What happened?"

Roy chuckled as Jo rolled her eyes. "My daughter's what happened. She nearly killed Johnny, with peanut butter of all things."

This got all their attention, so Roy told them the story. "Poor Johnny." Marco chuckled, "Nearly done in by the love of a little girl."

"Yeah, but there's no doubt she loves him and he loves her right back." Hank confirmed as he looked pointedly at his senior paramedic. Roy gave a slight nod as he gave a duel answer, "A fact I'm very aware of . . . and grateful for."

Hank gave a firm nod as he drank from his cup. He glanced at his watch. "I should be going. Maggie is expecting me back to help her move some furniture." He looked at his men and rubbed his hands together. "If I can get some help with that cooler?"

Jo laughed. The others finished their coffee and followed him out.

Johnny looked around him, absently tugging on his turnout coat. He was hot, sweat trickling down his sides, chest and back as he stared at the fire blazing around him, devouring the walls and crawling across the ceiling. His eyes searched through the rolling smoke, trying to see anyone else but he couldn't make out anything other than shadowed forms in the combination of blinding smoke and brilliant flames. Pain caught his attention and he looked down at his hands, surprised to see his gloves were charred. His hands and arms throbbed with every beat of his racing heart.

"Hey! Anybody?" He yelled through his mask. "Roy? Cap? Anyone?"

Nothing.

He had to get out, he'd burn if he stayed any longer. He looked for anything that looked familiar but he had no idea where he was, why he was there, or worse—why he was alone. Despite the heat, terror froze his blood. '_**They left me?**_' He tried to slow his racing pulse, calm his breathing, knowing he was quickly gulping up his O2 supply. His tank beeped suddenly as he spun first one way, then the other but couldn't see any exit.

'_**What happened to me? Why am I here? Where's everyone else?**_' Questions crowded his mind.

He knew he had to search for an exit and fast. The heat was sapping his strength, his body hurt all over, smoke choked him and his breath came in ragged pants. With tears streaming from his eyes, and his mind nearly numb with fear, he crawled, searching for a way out of this deathtrap.

Mike looked at the wrapped dishes and the large cooler and shook his head, "Gee Cap. Maggie does know that this isn't the company picnic right?"

Roy chuckled slightly at Mike's words, picked up several wrapped loaves of something and looked toward the house. "I'd better let Jo know we're gonna need more space in the fridge." They had just reached the front porch when a loud "thump" echoed through the house. Roy paused, listening to see if there was anything else then entered, dropping off the bundles on the entry table.

"Jo?" he called and paused again for her answer. When none came he called out again, "JoAnne? Are you alright?"

"Roy! Come quick!" His wife's voice, filled with panic, added speed and agility to his feet as he raced into the living room, looked toward the kitchen then up the stairs. "Where are you?" He called.

"The Sunroom! Oh, Roy!"

He raced down the hall and stopped short as he saw her in the doorway, her face white, her hands near her mouth as she stared wide-eyed at something within. His eyes quickly looked her up and down for any sides of blood or other trauma. Then she turned, faced him and he saw the tears. Roy's mouth suddenly went dry and his breath caught in his chest. He moved forward carefully, "Jo?"

She just shook her head and looked back into the room. By now he was next to her and could see into the brightly lit room himself. The fear of what he'd see made him tremble but what he did see made his heart nearly stop.

Johnny was on the floor, low and on his knees and elbows. He swept his hands one after another hesitantly and in wide arcs in front of him then advanced a few inches before he started over again. And he was mumbling, his words clear to those who listened.

"fire . . .trapped . . . in fire . . .hafta get out. Left me . . .they all left me. Gonna . . . gonna die here. Gonna burn . . . all alone."

"Oh Roy," Jo's voice held her anguish and Roy pushed past her then stopped, saying, "He thinks he's in a fire. He's doing a sweep, looking for …" he paused unable to finish the words they both well knew, '_**looking for a way out. He thinks he's been abandoned.**_**'**

Then with a shuddering sigh, Johnny's limited strength gave out and he slowly sank to the floor, still mumbling as his eyes closed in resignation to his fate.

In the space of two heartbeats, Roy saw flashes of his dreams and each of Johnny's deaths in them. He pushed on past his wife, barely aware that others had joined them in that hallway as he dropped in front of his partner.

Johnny could feel the fire as it flowed over him, heating his skin until it began to burn and blister. He waited for the final darkness to claim him, eyes closed, his breath coming in gasps,. Then suddenly a voice was calling to him. Hands were shoving his body upright so his buttocks rested on his heels, forcing him to sit up as another's hands supported his shoulders. Part of him wanted to listen to the voice, but most of all he just didn't care.

Roy shook Johnny's shoulders a little as he repeated, "You're not alone, Johnny. Listen to me, please! You're safe; you're not in a fire." No response. Johnny's head hung down on his chest, breath still coming in slight gasps, eyes closed, his body limp. Roy could feel the extreme heat from the dark haired man's skin radiating outward.

Desperate to get through to him, Roy braced Johnny's shoulders, and thus his weight, on his elbows while his hands slipped to either side of his partner's head, fingers buried deep in the thick hair. His thumbs rested under Johnny's jaw and gently he pushed upward, forcing Johnny to be face to face to him.

Fear filled Roy as he quickly scanned the man in front of him. Johnny's damp t-shirt cling to his thin body, his chest heaving with his quickened respirations. The heat coming from the younger man nearly made contact with his skin uncomfortable. _**'He's burning up! His fever has to be as high as when . . .'**_ no. He refused to think about that, and about the other fireman who had died. He would fight for his partner's life. Johnny would survive this has he had that virus.

"Johnny, Johnny." he called. "Listen to me, please. Open your eyes and look at me. Johnny, please, look at me!" Slowly Johnny's eyes opened but remained dull and unfocused. Roy kept his own gaze locked on those brown eyes as he pleaded, "Johnny, you're safe. You're not alone and you're not going to die. Do you hear me? You're-Not-Going-To-Die!" He shook him a little to emphasize each word and felt a faint nod under his hands.

"You're not alone; you've never been alone. Cap and Mike and Marco and Chet have always been there for you." Roy finished and watched as Johnny's eyes searched his face, a little more focused now and with some recognition in their dark depths.

"Not you." he whispered.

Those two words cut Roy deeper that any sword ever could. In that instant, Roy knew what the dream Brice had meant about soul wounds. The fact that Johnny's words were true only made them hurt worse. '_**He's right, I haven't been there for him**__._' Roy inwardly acknowledged. His chest constricted as he also realized that if just those two words hurt that much, how badly Roy's repeated blows must have hurt his friend. Over the last two days, while Johnny had been conscious and talking, Roy had refrained from speaking about the last few weeks. Now it all came back and Roy knew he had to tell Johnny face to face, while looking straight into those brown eyes he could remember seeing the pain of his rejection in that day in the squad.

As he looked deep into his friend's now aware eyes, Roy felt his heart break even more. "Oh Johnny." he murmured as he sadly nodded. He took a deep breath, knowing that now was finally the time. "You're right. I haven't been there for you and Johnny, you can't know how sorry I am for that."

Tears filled his blue eyes as they stayed locked on his friend. "I'm sorry, God am I sorry! I'm sorry I was such an ass to you at work. I'm sorry for the things I said and the things I should have said and didn't. I'm sorry for being angry with you when all you did was love my family. God, Johnny! I can't think of anyone better qualified to take care of Jenny when she was hurt and we were gone. I was a stupid, stupid man and I took my own feelings of inadequacy out on you. I won't ask you to forgive me; I don't deserve that but please, please believe I will do anything and everything to try and make it up to you."

Roy stopped, no more words came forth as he cradled his partner's head in his hands, his voice now gentle and soft, "I'm the screw-up. It was me, Junior, not you. It was _never_ your fault."

Hope sparked in Roy's chest as for the first time in nearly 30 days he saw an answering light in Johnny's eyes. Slowly those brown eyes blinked and Johnny's voice came, barely above a whisper. "Watuka, Roy. Watuka, waksu'weya."

Another shaft shot through Roy's heart and his voice choked on a sob as he answered, "I know you're tired, Johnny and I know you hurt. But I beg you, just keep fighting. Take your strength from me; I promise I will not let you down this time. But please, please, you have to hold on. Not for me, I won't ask you for myself, I . . .I've lost that right. But for my kids, for Jenny and Chris and Marco and Mama Lopez and Dixie and all the others who care so much for you. You have to believe that; you _**must**_ . . ." He emphasized the word with a little shake, "believe that." Again he felt the slight nod.

"I'll . . .I'll try."

Roy took in a huge breath as he pulled his partner's thin body forward close to his own and held on as if their very lives depended on it. '_**Maybe they do**_,' the thought came to him. Roy felt Johnny relax against his chest, Johnny's breath started to ease out and then Roy felt Johnny's arms come up his back.

It seemed like both seconds and hours that they stayed that way then Roy felt hands on his shoulders and looked up, not relinquishing his hold on his now once more limp partner. Cap and Mike looked kindly down on them. "Come on Roy." Cap told him. "We'll help you get him back into bed. Sitting on that cold tile can't be good for him." Roy nodded and allowed them to support Johnny while he stood. Johnny looked up with the shifting of his weight and opened his eyes, seemingly surprised to see his shiftmate's faces surrounding him. "Cap? Mike? Marco? You're . . .here?"

Cap smiled softly, his own heart pained at all he'd just heard and seen as he nodded. "Yes, John. As Roy told you, we are here. We always have been and with God's grace, always will be."

Marco came forward as well and together the four men easily lifted Johnny's body up and placed him gently back on the bed. Then they backed off as Roy immediately began checking his friend over for any further injuries. Cap stood at the head of the bed, his hand on the top of Johnny's head as if loathe to totally remove his touch from his downed man. Roy grabbed the thermometer first and placed it into Johnny's mouth.

"I think your fever's gone up again, Johnny." Roy told him as he gently held his mouth closed. Johnny blinked slowly at him and gave a faint nod.

After the prescribed time, he removed it, read it and gave a great sigh. "What is it?" Cap asked. "104.6. Something's not right; the antibiotics should've taken care of the infection. Brackett was here yesterday and said his ear looked good." Roy's voice was apprehensive as he shook the piece of glass.

Suddenly he frowned, his nose twitching. There was that smell again, the same one he'd smelled this morning when he'd helped change Johnny. Suddenly memory connected smell to cause and Roy felt instantaneous panic as he began to search his partner's body. He knew the bandaged areas were alright, he'd checked them when he'd changed them. That left the casted hands. Roy reached out and took ahold of Johnny's left hand, looking at the fingers then moved to the right hand. "What the . . ." All the men leaned forward, seeing as Roy did that the tips of the fingers were swollen and discolored. Roy inspected the cast, finding several soft areas and Johnny's forearm was also swollen. As Roy gently pushed on the cast, Johnny gave a groan and they all could see liquid running down his fingers. Roy began cursing, Jo's pale face went whiter and Cap tightened his jaw.

"You want a squad?" Marco asked at the same time Roy said, "We've got to get him to Rampart." Marco turned and left, Jo leading the way saying, "Use the line here in the laundry room, it's closer."

Johnny blinked up at his friends then his gaze fixed on Roy. "R rrrooyy?" He whispered.

Roy looked into his friend's brown eyes, saw the worry as well as something else, something that had been missing in his friend's gaze. He tried to smile reassuringly.

"It's alright, Johnny you just relax. We'll take good care of you."

Johnny shook his head but his gaze stayed fixed. Roy sighed and his shoulders slumped. "We have to take you to Rampart." His voice was soft and he kept his hand on Johnny's shoulder. "It looks like your hand is infected under the cast."

Johnny blinked slowly then gave a faint nod, "'Kay." He whispered.

"Johnny I'm gonna get some vitals on you here." Even as Roy said it, he placed his fingers on his partner's throat. He counted the too fast pulse and then laid a hand on Johnny's abdomen to get respirations. Next he wrapped the BP cuff around his arm and quickly took a reading, frowning at what he read. He noted the levels down on the paper then looked up as Marco entered the room.

A scowl darkened the other man's face as he reported, "The nearest squad is nearly 45 minutes out. The ambulance will be here in 10 minutes."

Roy cursed silently then told Marco. "Get back on the phone and call Rampart. Tell the doc what's going on and that I'll be bringing Johnny in with the ambulance." Marco nodded and left. Roy pulled the box of medical supplies around to himself and pulled out the IV setup there.

"Roy?" Cap's worried voice sounded.

"It's alright Cap. Brackett left me standing orders and brought these supplies. He can't wait an hour to get into Rampart. He needs help now." He turned toward the doorway, "Jo?' he called for his wife and saw her reenter the room, the laundry basket again in her hands.

"I've got them filled. Mike helped me." The engineer grinned as he entered carrying the newly filled basin and wash clothes.

"What do we need to do first.?" Cap asked.

Roy nodded to where Johnny watched them, his eyes fever bright and glassy. "Strip him. We've got to start fighting that fever."

Cap and Mike quickly pulled off Johnny's soaked t-shirt and sweat pants even though he moaned and murmured, "no. no, cold."

"You're chilling Johnny. It's the fever." Roy soothed as he searched for a vein. Finding a likely area, he swabbed it down and pushed the needle under Johnny's heated skin. Johnny caught his breath up and tried to pull his arm away from this new hurt but Roy held firm. He saw the flash in the chamber and quickly finished.

Mike and Cap had placed the ice filled water bottles on the sheet over Johnny's now nude body as close to the major pulse points as they could. Cap had taken over sponging Johnny off. Marco appeared in the doorway, the phone pressed against his head. "Roy? I've got Brackett. He wants to know Johnny's vitals." Roy grabbed up the paper and with two quick strides, was next to Marco. "I'll go watch for the ambulance." The Hispanic man told him as he left.

"Doc? I've got cooling measures started and an IV going. His pulse is 120, BP is 90 over 56, respirations are 22. His temp orally is 104.6."

He heard Brackett mutter darkly. Roy's eyes went back to his ill partner. Johnny was tossing his head back and forth, squirming in discomfort from the ice bottles. He moaned as he tried to get away from the cold, his body shaking with chills.

"Easy John, easy. We're taking care of you." Cap soothed as he bathed the fevered man. "The ambulance will be here soon. You just relax."

"What the hell happened? I thought when you called this morning you said he was doing better?" Brackett sounded angry but Roy knew it was probably more frustration.

Roy shook his head, his chest tight with worry. "He was. Doc? I think it's his right hand. I didn't notice it until just now but the tips of his fingers and the area above the cast are red, hot and swollen. There is fluid coming from under it, there are soft spots in the cast and . . and . ..Doc? It smells."

Brackett sighed. "Great. The antibiotics for his ear could have masked another infection until now. Get him in here now, Roy. I'm calling Bentley now."

"I will." He raised his head as he heard the sirens out front. "Ambulance is on scene Rampart. We are transporting."

"I'll be waiting." Brackett said then disconnected.

As he turned around after hanging up the phone, he found he had an audience. Dixie and Joe Early stood there, concern on their faces. Joe held the paper where Brackett had jotted down Johnny's vitals in his hand.

"Kel? Who is this? Who's coming in? These don't look good."

Kelly Brackett sighed as his mouth twitched and he rubbed a tired hand over his chin. "That was Roy. Johnny's taken a turn for the worse. He's bringing him in now."

Dixie and Joe exchanged worried glances as Brackett continued. "Roy's bringing him in via ambulance. The closest squad was 45 minutes out. He's already started cooling measures."

"No squad. So no IV?" Joe frowned.

Dix gave a faint smile, "I bet Roy's already started one on him. Kel, I'll call Ken Bentley." She turned to the nurse just approaching the station. "Missy, get treatment 3 set up. We have a possible severe infection coming in. Make sure there's a cast saw in the room and items for a high fever."

The middle aged nurse nodded, "Right away." Dix turned to the phone, looking through her rolodex for the numbers.

Joe looked at Kel. "How could Roy start an IV?"

Kel gave his co-worker a chagrined look. "When Dix and I went over the other day, I took a set up of D5W with me and wrote out standing orders for Roy. Just in case."

Joe chuckled softly, "Then I'm sure Roy has him started." He looked around. "They should be here soon. Kel, I'll assist you unless we get busy. I have a feeling we're gonna need an OR. Should I go ahead and set up a team?"

Brackett's face twitched, "Might not be a bad idea. I have a feeling Ken's gonna need to go in. If not, we can always stand them down again."

Dixie hung up the phone and looked at the two doctors. "I'm way ahead of you. Bentley's on his way in. He should get here just about the same time Roy brings in Johnny. I have a team all ready and setting up in OR4." With that she hurried off to check on other preparation.

Before long the reverberation of a siren getting closer sounded. The two doctors immediately headed toward the doors just as an ambulance could be seen backing up.


	32. Chapter 32

Roy looked up from where he was checking the ice bottles to where Marco led the attendants in, pulling a gurney behind them. They stopped outside of the room, seeing there were already so many people within, a little at a loss on what to do. Roy, however, took charge, having Marco bring the gurney closer and directing as Chet and he set it up. He smiled to himself as his shiftmates positioned themselves around Johnny, ready to make the transfer. Johnny moved his head and groaned, his eyes opening as he felt hands shoved under his body. He blinked blurry eyed at Mike Stoker, who was crouched at his shoulder. "Where'r we goin'?"

Mike smiled at his friend, "To Rampart. Dr. Brackett has requested your presence."

"Oh." Johnny replied, then looked panicked. "Mike! I can't go!" His eyes were wide with alarm but he kept his voice low. Unfortunately it wasn't so low that his shiftmates couldn't hear him. Worried, they glanced at each other then back at him. Mike tried to smile soothingly, "Just relax Johnny. It's alright."

Johnny shook his head frantically and tried to move away but didn't have the strength. "No!" He whispered, "No 'snot ok. Mike. NO! Can't go an'wh're. S'mb'dy stol' m' clothes!"

At that the four men felt instant relief. "twit." Cap muttered under his breath.

Mike shook his head at the way his friend was thinking. He smiled and made his soft voice as soothing as possible. "That's alright Johnny. Now Dixie won't have to cut them off."

"Oh." Johnny considered that for a moment, then the frown came back and he blinked his wide brown eyes, "But 'm naked!"

Now Mike chuckled. He pulled one hand out to pat his co-worker's shoulder conciliatorily. "Don't worry Johnny. We'll keep the sheet over you."

"Oh." He looked down. "'Kay." He settled back, his eyes closing again. "Hope Jo don' get mad. 's her good sheets."

Marco looked up at Roy, amusement warring with concern. "Man, he's really out of it."

Roy nodded as he took his place near Johnny's head. Brown eyes slit open and Johnny's mouth curved slightly. "Hey, Roy. You gon' see Bracket too?" Roy smiled down on his friend, and gave the dark head a gentle pant. "Yeah, Johnny. I'll be right beside you all the way." Johnny's eyes slid shut and his head lolled to one side. Roy looked up at his friends. "Ready? On my count, one-two-three lift!" As one the firefighters lifted their friend's body and transferred him onto the gurney, tucking the sheet carefully around him then the bottles were positioned next to him once more. Johnny's eyes remained closed and the limpness of his body told them he was again out. Roy checked him over quickly then nodded to his shiftmates. They wheeled Johnny out of the room, Jo following in their wake.

As Roy moved to get into the ambulance, one of the attendants grabbed his arm. "I'm sorry sir. You can't ride back here. Company policy." Then he looked around, bewilderment on his face. "Hey. This guy's got an IV. Where's the paramedic?"

"'m par'medic." Johnny murmured, his head moving slightly but his eyes remained closed. The attendant looked at him with a frown then at the four guys in jeans and casual shirts in front of him.

"Well, he _**is**_ a paramedic but . . ." Cap began. But the frowning attendant cut him off. "I'm not kidding here. We can't transport a guy with an IV without a paramedic unless we get cleared for it from the hospital."

Roy held the IV higher and pushed past the interfering man. "We're wasting time. I'm an off duty paramedic and I have permission from Dr. Brackett to accompany this patient to Rampart. Now let's get moving." Holding the IV carefully so as to not put too much tension on it in Johnny's arm, Roy crawled into the back of the ambulance. After he had, the three firefighters lifted the gurney and slid it into place. Cap looked at Roy. "You'll let us know . . ."

Roy nodded, "I'll call as soon as they tell me anything." With that, the door was firmly shut and two slaps told the drive it was safe to pull out. Roy hung the IV on the hook and began checking Johnny over. The attendant watched him then broke in, "I'm sorry, man. I was just doing my job."

Roy nodded, "You got O2 in here?" At the other man's nod, he continued, "Get some on him, non-rebreather - 6 liters."

As the man placed the mask over Johnny's face, brown eyes blinked open. "I was a paramedic. And he was my partner." He said.

Roy smiled. "Hey Johnny. Just take it easy. We'll be at Rampart soon and Brackett'll fix you right up." Then he realized what Johnny had said and his smile faded, "Johnny, you still _are_ a paramedic."

Brown eyed gazed at him sadly, "Are you sure?"

Roy blinked, not sure what Johnny meant. "Johnny, just because I acted so asinine and wouldn't let you function doesn't . . ."

Johnny shook his head, and cut him off with, "No Roy. That's not what I mean."

He closed his eyes, panting a little under the mask. Roy leaned closer, laying a comforting hand on his bare shoulder. Brown eyes opened back up and stared at him. Roy could see that at least this time, Johnny was lucid. "I mean Roy, I . . .I've seen my hands. We both know . . . . this infection can't be good."

He didn't need to say any more. Both men knew exactly what he was talking about. Roy shook his head, opening his mouth to deny what Johnny had insinuated but again Johnny cut him off. With a sad smile he softly said, "And, about . . . that other thing . . . Roy, I forgive you. I can't pro. . . promise I'll for. . .forget as well, but . . .I forgive. . .uhh"

Johnny's voice faded off as his eyes rolled and then closed, his body relaxing into the gurney's padding

Roy lunged forward, his voice sharp with alarm. "no, Johnny. I don't want your forgiveness. No, not like this." Roy felt anger fill him as well as fear. His fingers searched his friend's hot neck, the pulse beneath his fingers was fast but steady. He looked up at the attendant, "How far?"

The man looked out the front of the ambulance, "About 6 minutes."

Roy turned his attention back to his patient. He bent close to Johnny's ear and whispered urgently. "Hang in there Junior. Remember, you promised to try." He checked the ice bottles again, as well as the drip on the IV, then rechecked Johnny's vital signs. Just as he finished, he felt the ambulance slow then reverse.

The wheels had barely stopped before the doors were pulled open, revealing both Dr. Brackett and Dr. Early standing there. "Any change, Roy?' Brackett barked as the two attendants pulled out the gurney. He immediately laid a hand on the ill paramedic's head, feeling the heat coming from the younger man.

"He's been in and out. His pulse is still fast, around 120, respirations 24." Roy answered as the group headed into Rampart. Roy helped the two lift Johnny and place him on the exam table. The attendants then took the gurney and left. Missy moved the ice bottles out of the way as Brackett stepped forward.

"Roy get me another set of vitals." Brackett ordered as he pulled open Johnny's eyes and looked at them. Then he lifted the cast right hand, his face twitching as he saw what his paramedic had described.

"Joe. You're needed at the base station." Dixie's voice came as she pushed open the door. Joe Early looked at his co-worker and a quick silent communication took place before the other doctor left. "Kel, Ken Bentley is here." She moved to the head of the table and reached out a hand to feel Johnny's hot forehead.

Johnny moved his head and mumbled, " Kata, kata. Ide. " She looked at Roy who was frowning, "Uhhh, Ide is burning. I'm not sure what kata is." Roy translated. Dixie stroked his cheek. "I know you're hot, Johnny. We're going to fix that." Johnny moved his head closer to the soothing hand on his face and whimpered, "Kata." He licked his dry lips and asked, "Mini?"

Roy frowned, "I think you're right; I think kata might be hot. I know mini is water." Dixie nodded as she continued to sooth the fevered man.

All heads turned as the doors pushed forcefully open and Ken Bentley strode into the room.

"Well, well, well, what have we here?" he looked over at Roy, "When I said I wanted to see you both today or tomorrow, this was _**not**_ what I meant!"

Roy gave a weak grin. "Ken, look at this." Brackett demanded. Ken came forward, inspecting the cast hand. He frowned, turned it carefully, his frown getting deeper. "Well, it looks like Batman there just might be right." He looked up to the other nurse, and motioned toward the cast saw as he slipped the mask hanging from his neck over his face. He carefully propped the injured arm up in the prepared place, nodded to Dixie who, masked and gloved herself, held Johnny's arm still. Brackett and Missy moved back out of the way. Bentley saw Johnny move his leg and looked over toward the horizontal paramedic's head. "Johnny, I'm gonna remove this cast. I don't want you to move at all, ok? I've got to see what's going on under here." He looked up at Dix. "I'll be wanting an x-ray once this is off."

"We have the machine standing by."

With one last nod, he began cutting the cast away. Once a slit was made down the length, he carefully moved Johnny's arm and cut the opposite side. Then he handed Missy back the saw and he grabbed the scissors she handed him. He pulled the edges of the cast apart, revealing the soaked wrappings underneath. The smell of corrosion increased in the room and Roy felt his stomach turn. Bentley cut the wrappings away, revealing the surgical site for the first time in a week. The area was angry red, swollen with dark edges of dead tissue. Fluids oozed from the site.

Roy turned his face from the sight as he gagged. He'd seen nasty wounds before and Johnny's hand looked bad. His breath caught in his throat as suddenly another thought occurred. Surgery. They would have to do surgery now. Johnny was too weak. Suddenly he wasn't afraid of Johnny maybe losing his hand, he was afraid of him losing his life!

"Ken?" Brackett's worried voice came.

Bentley looked up, shaking his head sadly. "I don't know Kel. Let's get an x-ray, then get him ready for surgery. I'll know more once I can get in there and clean that mess up."

He gently laid the hand down and looked up at Roy's pale face then over at his patient. Johnny's fever bright eyes watched every move. Bentley removed the mask from his face and he gave the young paramedic a small smile. "Let me see how the healing is going and then I'll go in, clean it out, and put in a drainage tube."

"It's bad?" Johnny's question was more of a statement. Ken nodded slowly. "It's not good, Johnny. We'll get you on different antibiotics right now and get you ready for surgery. I'll know more once I get in there."

Johnny blinked slowly and he whispered, "I'm gonna lose my hand . . .?"

"Not if we can help it, hose jockey." Brackett came forward now, his lips turned up in a faint smile.

Ken nodded, "That's right. I've already got you listed under my successes and I don't plan on moving you." He smiled and squeezed the younger man's shoulder, "Beside, what would I say to Miss Jenny if I didn't do right by her Uncle Johnny."

Johnny gave the expected smile and faint nod. Bentley became serious once more. "Johnny, I'm gonna keep you sedated for a day or so after surgery. I don't want you moving that arm around at all. I'll be rigging up a restraint for it too. Ok?"

Johnny nodded and the two doctors left, their heads together and voices low as they conversed. Johnny watched them leave then took a deep breath and Roy's heart spasmed when it hitched suddenly halfway. Johnny looked over into his partner's face and tried to smile. Roy stepped forward. "Oh Johnny."

"You might have to break in a new partner after all." he said softly. Roy shook his head, "No, Johnny." His voice angry. "Don't you even think that way. You just get better, that's all you have to do. You hear me? You just get better!"

Johnny looked up into the ceiling, his tearing eyes blinking slowly, "It might not be up to me, Roy."

Dixie came forward and placed her hands on Roy's shoulders. "Roy, you'll have to leave. X-ray is here then we'll be prepping him and taking him on up." She pushed him toward the door, saying, "The rest of the guys are waiting in the lobby."

Roy nodded, he wasn't surprised that they'd followed them in anyway. He suspected they would. Roy stopped and reached out to lay a hand on Johnny's knee. "Johnny . . ."

Johnny looked at him, his brown eyes filled with tears but holding a firm resolve. "I'll see you later, Roy."

Not knowing what else to say, Roy only nodded and left. The x-ray machine pushed in past him and head down, he headed toward the lobby.

Once Roy was gone and while the x-ray tech was setting up, Johnny looked up at Dixie. "Dixie? Do me a favor?"

She leaned forward so only he could hear her, and smoothed his hair off his forehead. "For you phoenix, just about anything."

He smiled, "Could you see if Fred Ross is on tonight?"

Dixie frowned first then nodded with a smile, "I think he is. Do you want to see him?"

Johnny nodded. The x-ray tech looked up. "I'm ready now."

"Make sure you're really careful with that hand. Don't move it any more than absolutely necessary." Dixie cautioned.

He smiled, "Don't worry, Miss Dixie. Both Brackett and Bentley were very specific in their directions." He smiled at the man on the table. "Hiya Gage, ready to glow?"

Johnny grinned faintly, "You do realize, Crispen, that in my tongue 'Hiya' means 'no'." Crispen laughed as he situated the plates then pulled up the machine. "ok, Gage ya got me there."

Dixie patted his leg and said, "I'll see you in a little while, Johnny. I'll go have Father Ross paged." Then when the x-ray tech's back was turned, she dropped a quick kiss onto his hot cheek, and left.

As Roy approached the lounge, he saw Dr. Bentley and Brackett leaving. He watched them stride off down the hall, then leaned against the doorframe, head bowed, for several moments before pushing on through. Immediately, four heads came up. Jo stood and walked quickly to her husband, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Brackett and the other surgeon were just in here." Cap said, his eyes closely inspecting his paramedic. "They said they were taking John to surgery."

Roy nodded, knowing they were waiting for him to talk, worried that perhaps he knew something the doctors didn't tell them. Finally he got his mouth to work. "Yeah. Dr. Bentley ordered x-rays. They're doing that now. He said he'd need to get in there and see the damage before he could really say. . . " His voice choked off as he then turned to his wife. The other men looked downward.

"Roy," his wife's soft voice sounded strangely loud in the still room. "Johnny's hand. He's . . .he's not going to lose . . " She couldn't bare to finish the sentence even though everyone in the room was thinking the same thing.

Roy shrugged, "I don't know. I don't think they know. But if it comes down to a choice between his hand or his life . . ."

Shocked exchanges were exchanged around the room, "How'd it get this bad and no one know!" Marco burst out.

Roy took a deep breath, "Doc said the antibiotics he was on for his ear helped mask the infection. That and the fact it was under the cast where no one could see it. . ." He looked around. "Doc said the blood they drew yesterday showed his white count was very high and that he was very anemic. That got Brackett wondering and he was gonna call and have me bring Johnny in for further tests." He shrugged and stared at his hands.

"Is it safe for him to have surgery right now?" Jo asked.

Again Roy shrugged. "With any surgery there is always a risk, but now? As weak as he is. . ." He held his wife close as he murmured, "He's so sick, Jo, he's so very sick right now. His fever is as high as when he had that virus. I'm afraid . . . I'm afraid this time . . .he's too weak . . . ."

She held him tightly, tears streaming silently from her eyes. For several long moments the five worried friends remained still, silent prayers on their lips. Then Marco stood up, a grim expression on his face. "I've got to call Chet . . .and Mama. They need to know."

Mike nodded as he stood too, "I'd better let Becky know what we found out." He walked closer to the embracing couple, "Don't worry about Jenny. I'm sure Becky will take care of her."

Jo pulled away from her husband, her eyes wide. "Jenny! I forgot about Jenny! She'll be back from the movies soon. What do we tell her?"

Roy gave a faint shrug, "We have no choice; we have to tell her the truth. " He sighed and hugged his wife again as he saw her face crumble. "We'll tell her that we took Johnny in so that the doctor could look at his hand and they decided to keep him here for awhile." He kissed her cheek. "Hopefully. Hopefully that's all we'll have to say."

She nodded and turned to leave with Mike so that Becky could be informed. Cap looked his paramedic over carefully. "This is really bad isn't it."

Roy nodded.

"And he really could lose the hand."

Again Roy nodded, then scrubbed his face with one hand, "It looked bad, Cap. They may not have any choice. If the infection is in his bones or in his bloodstream . . ." Again he dropped his head, "They may have no choice."

Cap placed his hand on Roy's shoulder as the senior paramedic continued, "Bentley told Johnny that he'd be keeping him sedated after surgery and they'll be immobilizing his arm."

"So, John . . .?"

Blue eyes looked up into the dark ones of his captain as a sardonic smirk twisted Roy's lips. "Yeah. At that point Johnny was completely lucid. He knows."

Cap patted his shoulder, "Keep the faith, Roy. Don't sell him short. He could just come through this perfectly fine. The main thing is that we are all here to help him; no matter the outcome."

Part of Roy wanted to argue with his captain, to scream and shout, _**'Don't you understand? The chances are he'll either be crippled or dead! Not very good odds there Cap.**_' but he remained silent as his captain left the room.

Slowly he began moving, drawn back to the room where he knew his young partner lay. Johnny's words in the ambulance echoing in his ears. He frowned as he muttered, '_**No, John Gage. You ARE a paramedic and you ARE my partner. You'll be back next to me in that squad. I refuse to think about it any other way.'**_

"Well positive thinking has it's place but so does reality." A gentle voice chastised him and he turned suddenly to look up at a tall man in a black suit with a white clerical collar. Roy was startled, he hadn't even realized he'd said the words out loud.

The kindly grey eyes in the weathered face sparkled with life and slight amusement. He pushed forward a little more and let the door behind him close, the door Roy realized was to Johnny's exam room. Roy watched, eyes wide and his face pale as the priest removed the stole from around his neck, kissed the cross on it then carefully folded it up and placed it into the case he carried, right next to several small vials. What color was in Roy's face faded even more as his thoughts raced. '_**A priest. They called for a priest. There's only one reason they call for a priest in the hospital'**_

His eyes went back to the door as he whispered, "Johnny." Just then the door opened and two orderlies pushed a gurney out. Johnny lay on the gurney, eyes closed, body still. Roy moved forward, his hands reaching to check for a pulse as he asked, "Where are you taking him!?"

"They're taking him up to surgery now, Roy." Dixie's gentle voice told him as he felt her hands on his shoulders. "You can see him once he's out. Why don't you go to the lounge, I'll come tell you when he's in recovery." As she spoke she and the priest began moving him away while the orderlies moved Johnny over to the elevator. Roy's gaze never left his partner's slack face until the elevator doors closed.

He looked around, noticing he was now entering the lounge as the two continued to propel him forward. They sat him down in a chair and a hot mug of coffee filled his hands. "Drink." The nurse ordered.

Roy sipped then looked up at her, "You'll get me as soon . . ."

She nodded and smiled as she patted his shoulder, "You know I will." She exchanged glances with the priest then left. Roy continued to sip the coffee his mind numb.

"So, Roy DeSoto isn't it?" The deep voice next to him startled him and Roy looked over at the other man. "Uh, yeah. That's me."

The priest nodded, "I'm Father Ross. Do you remember me?"

Roy started to shake his head then paused, "Uh, yeah. Yeah I think I do. You came to Bob Schultz's house after . . ."

Father Ross nodded as he sipped his own coffee. "Yes. And you know that Andrew is almost fully healed now. You'd never know he was injured by looking at him."

Roy faked a smile, "I'm glad." He murmured but his eyes went again to the closed door. "How do you know him?"

"You mean John Gage? I know him from here at the hospital. I'm one of the regular chaplains and we've talked a time or two when he's been in here. He also helps out up in Peds."

Quiet reigned for several moments then Father Ross asked. "I take it you know John as well."

Roy nodded. "He's my paramedic partner."

Father Ross's eyebrows went up, "Well! This certainly is a small world. I knew about you from Bob but I didn't realize you were the same Roy Johnny talked about."

Roy's shoulder's slumped as he gazed down into the coffee. "I guess you know then about how awfully I've treated him."

Father Ross watched him, his voice even as he answered, "Well now. You know I can't say anything about what was said in confidence but I can tell you that on the times we did talk, he had nothing but glowing words about you."

Roy snorted before he took a longer drink. "Then you haven't talked to him lately."

Father Ross set his cup down and moved a little closer to the younger man before him. "Well then. Suppose _**you**_ tell me."

Suddenly, it was as if a dam burst and all the things Roy'd done over the last month to his friends and especially to Johnny rushed out. Finally Roy was all talked out and exhausted. With trembling hands he drank what was left in his cup and waited to hear what his sentence would be.

Father Ross sat back. "I see. And yes, that's a lot for any soul to bare."

Roy looked down where his hands twisted tightly. "I don't want to lose him. He's important to me."

"Roy, if you don't mind me saying . . ."

Roy gave the priest a faint smile, "Well considering I basically just turned this into a confessional, I think you can say just about anything."

Father Ross chuckled, "Alright then." Then his expression turned serious, "Roy, I know this might be hard, but I think you have to look at this from Johnny's point of view."

Roy was confused now and it showed on his face.

Father Ross continued, "Johnny called me here because he knows he might not make it through the surgery or beyond." When Roy's mouth dropped open and he began to protest, Father Ross held up a hand saying, "Now Roy, just listen a moment. We both know any surgery has risks."

Roy gave a reluctant nod.

"And the fact that Johnny is going in there already weakened only makes the risks greater."

Roy sighed and gave a weary nod.

"Now Johnny has gone through a lot this last month too. And before he went under the knife, so to speak, he wanted to get some things straight. Sorta clean the slate as it were."

Roy put his head in his hands. "He called for Last Rites."

To Roy's surprise Father Ross shook his head, "No, Roy. He called for Extreme Uncation."

At that Roy looked up, "Anointing of the Sick?"

Father Ross nodded. Roy blinked, "I thought . . . he said . . .."

Father Ross laid his hand on Roy's shoulder, "He knows that right now his life is in danger but Roy, he hasn't given up. And I think you do him a grave disservice if you do." Seeing he had the other man's complete attention, Father Ross continued, "Johnny wanted to go into the surgery free from any 'bad vibes', to borrow a phrase the young people of today use. That's why he said what he did to you. And he has forgiven you because it frees himself." He shook a finger at him, "But, that doesn't mean he's forgotten or that everything will be all roses and hearts between you now. You've both still got a long way to go before this sad part of your journey is ended. But Johnny has willingly taken his first step onto this path."

Roy allowed what the priest said to sink in, knowing it was right. Seeing the look in Roy's eyes, the priest pushed further. "Now. It's your turn. You have to forgive Johnny and forgive yourself. It's only then that true healing can come to all of you."

Roy shook his head and this time Father Ross' voice was a little gruff.

"Roy, you are still doing it. You are still trying to control what Johnny is feeling and doing." Roy blinked in surprise and Father Ross gave a faint smile, "It's time to let go, Roy, over the things you never could control. Johnny has, now it's your turn." He placed gentle hands on the paramedic's shoulders and applied pressure, "Roy, none of us are really ever in control. To use another phrase from the youth of today, it's time to let go and let God. Believe me, He's more that capable of handling everything and He knows exactly what to do. You only need to be Johnny's friend, no matter what happens." he looked deeply into the blue eyes. "And I think you can do that, don't you?"

For the first time in weeks, Roy felt a peace flow over him as he smiled, "Yeah. Yeah I think I can do that.

It seemed like days had passed to the five worried people sitting in the lounge even though the clock moved achingly slowly. Nurses came into the lounge, most stopping in surprise at the five pairs of expectant eyes looking at them. Some turned and quickly left again with apologetic shrugs. Others ignored the small group, came in, got what they wanted and found a corner not occupied to talk or eat or just sit. After awhile, they'd leave and the small group would return to their clock watching.

Finally when that lying clock told them that nearly three hours had passed, the door pushed open again and Dixie stepped into the room. Immediately all five people sprang to their feet.

Dixie smiled at them as she made her way to the coffee pot, She told them as poured herself a cup. "Someone came by and said you guys must have been filling it and it was the best they'd had." She sipped it as she sat at the table near the couch. "Pretty good."

Roy moved closer. "Dix . . . Johnny?"

She smiled at him, "Kel called down. Johnny's out of surgery and they've been watching him in recovery. They're getting ready to send him up to SICU as soon as he shows he's coming out of the anesthesia. He and Dr. Bentley will be joining us soon."

"How . . . John's hand. How bad was it?" Cap found the words coming out of his mouth even as he thought them.

"I think I can answer that." A new deep voice said. All eyes turned as the two doctors entered the room. "Oooooh, coffee." Ken said. Dixie raised her cup. "Firehouse coffee and it's pretty good too."

Mike blushed alittle as the others looked at him. The two doctors filled their cups, offered the pot to the others who all shook their heads. Over the last three hours they had drank their fill. Knowing that these friends were anxious to hear about their wounded comrade, the two doctors turned and faced their audience.

"Johnny's doing well, coming out of the anesthesia and will be sent up to SICU soon." Brackett started and even as Roy opened his mouth, he added, "I already plan on leaving orders that you can stay with him, Roy. You others will have to stick to the rules of SICU-visits of no more than ten minutes on the stated hours."

"Doc, the infection . .. Johnny's hand . . ." Roy didn't seem to be able to make complete sentences. The two doctors exchange looks and the five people before them felt their hearts fall. "no," Roy whispered as his wife grabbed him, her face white.

Ken Bentley raised his hand up in a 'wait' motion, "Now, don't jump ahead. The infection was bad. But I've seen worse. The good news is it doesn't appear to have gotten into the bones or into his bloodstream. I don't have to tell you how bad that could have been." The three firemen didn't know but the look of slight relief on their paramedic's face and his slight nod was enough to assure them that was a good thing.

"The surgeries for the reconnections looked good. The healing was a little slow for a week after but the affected tendons are still attached and showing healing." Bentley went on to say.

"And the bad news?" Marco found himself saying and immediately started a silent prayer.

Bentley looked at them and sighed, "The bad news is it is badly infected. I had to take more tissue then I wanted too. But I wanted to give him as much of a chance to get over this as I could. As far as will he lose the hand? I will try everything I can to prevent that. Will he have full use of the hand? That is yet to be seen. First he needs to get over this infection. Then more x-rays will need to be taken to check on the healing and then he'll have months of physical therapy." He shook his head as he drank more of his coffee. "While I had him in there, I went ahead and took a look at his other hand. It's healing well as is the surgical site in his side and the other stitched areas. If it continues at this rate, in a week or so I'll remove the heavier bandages and allow him to begin some exercises with it."

"So Johnny is gonna be alright? I mean he's alright now? The fever hasn't . . ." Mike now spoke up, remembering the sight of his friend's thinned and abnormally heated body when they'd moved him.

This time Brackett answered. "Right now, he's very weak but he made it through the surgery without any complications and is coming out of the anesthesia even as we speak."

Ken Bentley looked over the worried group, saw how his words had caused a mixture of reactions in them and continued, "He has several things going for him. He is young and basically in good health before this happened."

Roy ducked his head at that and Jo hugged him closer. Bentley didn't seem to notice but Mike and Cap exchanged glances, both silently acknowledging that they might have to talk to the senior paramedic later.

"And he has a strong support group to help him along. I've seen and I'm sure Dr. Brackett can back me up on this, that that can have a very profound effect on a healing patient." Ken nodded at Kel who nodded his head enthusiastically.

"You all know Johnny has been in tough situations before and each time he's pulled through. Don't give up on him yet." He told them.

Roy slowly nodded. "We . . . we're not, Doc." Heads nodded all around. Bentley placed his now empty cup on the counter and turned to Roy. "Well, Batman, since you're here I might as well have a look at your hand as well." He turned to Dix who smiled, "I thought you might, Doctor, Treatment room 2 is ready and waiting and x-ray was notified."

He nodded and headed out. Roy hesitated, looking back at his wife and shiftmates. Jo kissed him on the cheek and said, "Go Roy. Call me later to let me know about your hand and how Johnny is." She glanced back at the other men, "I think I'll head on home; I'm sure Mike or Hank will give me a lift."

Mike jumped to his feet, "Sure. Since Jenny is at our house anyway I'll do it." They said their good-byes, Jo kissing her husband, Mike clapping a hand on his shoulder, blue eyes meeting blue eyes in silent communication. Mike nodded in agreement and left, Jo beside him.

Hank and Marco stood as well, their expressions grave, "Roy," Cap started but Roy gave a faint grin as he said, "I'll keep you all informed."

Hank slapped him on the back and Marco grabbed his upper arm, squeezing it as he walked past. Dixie took Roy's elbow and escorted him into treatment room 2. Left alone, the two doctors exchanged glances once more. "You're gonna have to come up with a better analogy, Kel. It seems the dynamic duo has more than two members." Ken quipped. Brackett nodded as the two left.


	33. Chapter 33

Cantesica! I made a mistake…and BT caught it. It was actually a mis-spell that became a mis-ID! The beginning of the last chapter it should have read Marco and CAP set up the gurney, not CHET. Thanks for all the feedback. And thanks to you loyal ones who are still hanging with me on this …monster. It's getting closer to the end…but I have to admit, I've bowed to pressure and added two chapters…and the Kents will be back.

* * *

Bentley entered the room, seeing that Dixie already had removed the bandages and had Roy's hand lying on the exam tray. Ken pulled the light closer, turning the hand carefully this way and that, pressing in different areas and asking Roy, "Can you feel this? Does this hurt? Where do you feel it? Can you move this?"

Finally he sat back. "Well I'll know more after the x-ray but I think it healing well. How does it feel?"

Roy shrugged as he looked at his hand, seeing Johnny's badly infected hand in its place. "I don't really feel it. It's kinda just there . . , aches a little."

Bentley's kind eyes watched him then his hand rested on Roy's elbow in a show of sympathy. "well, you've had a lot on your mind the last few days."

Roy gave a snort at that. Bentley turned to Dixie. "He's ready for x-ray." She nodded, and headed out the door as Dr. Bentley scribbled in his chart. Soon the door opened and a candy-striper entered pushing a wheelchair. Bentley slapped a hand on Roy's shoulder and said, "See you in a few, Batman." then left.

Roy got carefully off the table and moved to the wheelchair in time to hear a sharp gasp. "Mr. De . .. I mean, Roy?" Roy's head jerked up and faced the wide brown eyes of Kyleigh Stanley. She glanced back at the closed door. "What are you . . .? I thought I saw my Dad earlier . . ." She looked back at Roy, "You're off today. I mean, you're off, your hand."

Roy waved the unbandaged hand at her. "Yes. I need to get it x-rayed. So we can see how it's healing."

The teen blushed as she helped him into the wheelchair. "I'm sorry Roy. I'll get you right upstairs."

Roy sighed, knowing he had to tell the girl what happened. She'd hear it anyhow, both from the hospital grapevine and from her parents at home. Once they got into the elevator he reached back and grabbed her hand, tugging on it into she moved beside him.

"Kyleigh, I wanted you to hear this from me first. Johnny is . . . well, he's back in the hospital. They had to do more surgery on his hand; he's very sick. The . . . the hand got infected."

Her eyes went wider and he quickly told her the facts, how Johnny had been staying with him, how he was healing and how suddenly his fever had spiked. When he was done, she laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I'll say a prayer for him, Roy. And don't worry; I'm sure he'll be fine." She looked up as the elevator dinged. As she began pushing the wheelchair back out, she said, "I think I'll see if they'll let me see him. You know, once he's in a room and all."

Roy smiled, "I'm sure he'd like that, Kyleigh."

Soon the x-rays were finished and Roy chatted with Wayne until they were developed. Suddenly the tech looked up at Roy, saying, "Uh, Roy? I saw Johnny's x-rays a little bit ago. They looked pretty good but they told me to deliver them to surgery. What's going on?"

Roy sighed and for the second time in less than a hour, he explained what had happened to his partner. Wayne shook his head sadly, "Man that's tough." Then Wayne took him back down to ER and left with, "Enough with the two of you now. And Roy, give my best to John."

Before long, Bentley was back, followed by a nurse with a tray full of supplies. "Well everything looks good, Batman. I'm gonna put you back into a half cast and then I'll need to see you again in about three weeks for more x-rays. Alright?"

Roy nodded. Soon the new cast was done and he thanked the nurse and left the room. As he left the treatment room, Roy looked both ways but didn't see anyone he knew. He bit his lip in indecision. '_**Brackett told me he'd tell the nurses at SICU I could be up there.'**_ He looked up at the clock, seeing that over two hours had passed since the two doctors had told them the news.

With a deep breath, he straightened his shoulders and headed for the elevator. _**'Permission or not, I've got to see him.' **_As the elevator doors closed, he looked up to the ceiling,_** 'Hang on partner, I'm coming.'**_

Gretchen clucked her tongue in sympathy for the silent still figure laying before her. "Ahhh, liebchen, what have you done to yourself. I knew you leaving the hospital wasn't a good idea." She took the dried cloth from Johnny's head, rinsed it in the water basin by the bedside, wrung it out then placed it back on his forehead. She checked the cooling blanket he lay on, then checked all the tubes running in and out of him, making sure each was functioning as it should. Finally, that done and his chart updated, she returned to his head.

With a heavy sigh, she smoothed down his dark hair, telling him in a soft voice, "Don't you worry about a thing, Johnny, you just rest and heal and let old Gretch take care of you. And I'm sure Dixie will be in here soon to see you as well." She stared at him for several long moments, saying a silent prayer for his well-being in her heart.

The door to the room creaked open and she turned, at once the hard-as-nails- WAVES nurse. "Yes? Who are you?" She barked out at the hesitant figure of a light haired, blue eyed man standing there. From the moment he had entered, those blue eyes had fixed on the still figure of her patient. In a protective gesture, she moved to block that view.

Now those same blue eyes blinked up at her and he gave a hesitant grin, "Sorry Ma'am. I'm Roy. Uhhh, Roy DeSoto? Uhhh, Doctor Brackett said he cleared me to be here . . . for Johnny, there." He made a vague motion toward the bed. And his eyes fixed back on her patient.

Gretchen frowned. She, of course, had read the chart and knew about the order Brackett had left. She crossed her arms and moved closer to the man, again blocking his view of her patient. "I read the order, but I'll tell you, Mr. DeSoto, this is **my** floor and what I say **goes** here. Even the doctors know that and respect it because I only have concern for my patients in mind. The sooner I can get them off my floor means the sooner they are better. I won't put up with any shenanigans or inappropriate behaviors, Am I clear?" She raised an eyebrow, her face stern.

He blinked at her as he gave a slow nod and she noticed his face looked sad,. "Yes, Ma'am, believe me that's all I want too, . . . for Johnny to get better, I mean." He shrugged, "I . . I just want to sit with him, let him know I'm here for him."

"He's been sedated." She curtly told him as she studied this man before her. '_**Another baby, just like this one behind me. Another firefighter? Possibly, but not one of the ones in here before. .**_ .' Out loud she finished with. "He won't know you're here."

Now the blue eyed man before her gave a sardonic smile, "Yes. Yes he will. Just like he knew before that I _wasn't_ here. See, that's why I have to be here now." He moved a little closer. "So he'll know I didn't leave him." The 'this time' was unspoken but definitely heard.

Now Gretchen was even more curious about this man but moved slightly out of his way. That was all he needed. He immediately made his way over to the bedside and laid his hand gently on the still man's upper right arm, carefully avoiding the contraption staking out his lower arm and holding it immobile. "Johnny. I'm here. And I'll stay here. Brackett gave Jo or I permission to stay with you."

He pulled the chair closer, his hand never leaving contact with his friend, "I'm here, partner. I'm here."

Hearing that, Gretchen's eyebrow shot up. '_**Partner! That explains some**_.' She knew that the paramedics were partnered, some teams had supposedly formed fast friendships. She remembered Hilda talking about one pair that she'd had to finally room together when both were injured because neither would stay in his room. Each kept getting up to check on his partner.

Over the next several hours, every time she entered the room to do her duties, the one called Roy hadn't moved from his position next to the unconscious man. He had taken over sponging off the fevered face and neck, always talking soothingly as he did. Once, Gretchen stood in the doorway just watching them, frowning. It was clear that this blue eyed man cared deeply for the one called Johnny. Where had he been before when Johnny was here? She reviewed his words, '_**So he'll know I didn't leave him**_' and she thought about the paramedic team Hilda had talked about. The more she thought about it, the more she suspected this was that same team. She decided she'd talk to Dix; she was sure that one would have all the proper skinny.

A check of her watch revealed it was once more time for a vitals check and a possible swap out of his IV fluids. Roy looked up when she came into the room, giving her a hesitant smile. She nodded to him, checked the IV solution bag and quickly switched it out. Next she pulled out a thermometer and after placing it carefully under the dark haired man's tongue, she held his slack mouth shut. While she did that, she counted respirations. After three minutes, she pulled it out and read the thermometer. Roy leaned forward expectantly. She looked up and shook her head, seeing him sink back into his seat, giving a heavy sigh. "Still 103.8." There was no disguising the worry on the other man's face and she felt sorry for him. "Give it time, Mr. DeSoto. He's only been on these antibiotics for a few hours."

"I know. I'm . . I'm just worried. He's been too sick, running a fever too long." Roy smoothed the dark hair from his friend's closed eyes. Gretchen recorded the findings and pulled loose the BP cuff from it's holder. As she started to wrap it around Johnny's left arm, Roy said, "I think the sedation is wearing off. There's been more eye movement."

As if hearing him, Johnny gave a low moan and Roy immediately placed his hand in the middle of Johnny's chest. "Easy Johnny. Easy. You're out of surgery. Easy partner."

Under his hand, Roy felt the muscles tighten and knew what was coming next. Wide-eyed, he grabbed his friend's opposite shoulder as he told the nurse, "He's going to vomit!"

Immediately, Gretchen dropped the BP cuff, grabbed the emesis basin and ran around the bed to Roy's side as she helped roll her patient. "That's right liebchen, you're a ralpher. Careful of that arm!" She cautioned as Roy braced Johnny and she held the basin under his chin. Johnny's eyes fluttered as he moaned again then the contractions started and he began to dry heave. Since he was empty, only saliva dripped into the basin but they kept him turned so he didn't choke anyway. In between the contractions, Johnny made pain-filled whimpering sounds that tore at both caregiver's hearts. Roy used his unbandaged hand to gently smooth Johnny's hair back as he crooned to him. "Easy Johnny, easy. I've got you, partner. Just relax, don't fight. Just relax, that's right."

Finally the contractions stopped and Johnny, panting from the exertions, leaned limply against his friend. Gretchen wiped his face, then they carefully rolled him back. Gretchen checked to be sure nothing had been pulled loose and his hand was still immobilized. Then she looked at the two.

Johnny's brown eyes were barely open but fixed on the man next to him. Roy, likewise was watching him, still wiping off his face as he reassured his friend. She noticed that, even though glassy from the fever and medication, Johnny's eyes were . . . alive. And he had a faint smile on his face.

"I'm going to get his meds, Roy." She told them as she quickly left. Johnny's mouth moved but it was several tries before words formed. "h .. here." He swallowed thickly. "You . . . here"

Roy nodded and smiled gently, "yes, I'm here and I'll stay here, just like I promised." He took an ice chip from the cup on the bedside and fed it to Johnny.

Johnny sighed in appreciation of the coolness but frowned as it disappeared too quickly. He opened his mouth in a silent appeal for more.

With a chuckle, Roy fed him another. "Not too much now or you'll just get sick again."

"Hot," Johnny moaned. He tried to wet his lips with his dry tongue. Even though just a few seconds ago moisture had poured from his mouth, it now felt as dry as a desert.

Gretchen slipped past them and pulled up the IV port, quickly pushing the medication into it. Almost immediately Johnny's eyes rolled. It was clear he was fighting it, trying to say something more but Roy shook his head, his hand smoothing Johnny's bangs back. "Sleep Johnny. There's nothing you need to say right now that you can't say later. Just sleep now."

Johnny faintly shook his head, his mouth still trying to form words even as his eyelids closed and his body relaxed. Gretchen pulled the BP cuff off, having taken a new reading. She wrote briefly in his chart, then turned to Roy. "Roy. Why don't you take a break. Go to the head, get some coffee, stretch your legs. He'll sleep now and I'll stay here for a moment."

He looked at her, his expression clearly hesitant. She put her hands on her hips and gave him a stern look. "I've been taking care of patients long before you were born, child." Then her stance relaxed slightly, "Besides, he's the only patient up here right now. The other two were just sent to regular rooms and there's two more in recovery that will be coming up in about an hour. So now's the perfect time."

Roy looked steadily at the nurse, a smile growing on his face, "ok. Alright." He patted the dark head under his hand and took two steps from the bedside. Then he turned back around and said, "What did you call him before? A ralph?"

She smiled, "A ralpher. He reacts to the anesthesia by vomiting."

He shook his head, "A ralpher. I haven't heard that term since my days as a medic. That's what the Marines say."

She nodded, "That's a Navy term. The Marines just . . .borrowed it."

Now Roy laughed. "Do you, by any chance, know a certain nurse down in ER?"

This time she smirked, "If you mean Miss Dixie McCall, she and I have an . . . understanding."

Rot knew that there was quite a 'friendly' rivalry between the Army and the Navy so he just nodded his head in agreement, the smile on his face wider. Then he looked back into the fever reddened face of his unconscious friend and the humor melted away.

Gretchen's stance relaxed even more, "Go Roy. He's fine right now."

With one last glance, Roy left the room.

His first stop was the latrine, then a phone where he updated Jo on his hand and Johnny. She hung up after assuring him she'd pass the messages on to the others and told him, "I know you won't give Johnny a kiss for me so I'll do it myself when I come up. But please tell him I send my love and will see him soon?"

He'd assured her he would, then hung up. That task completed, he headed down to the cafeteria and some food. Afterwards, he couldn't have told you what he ate, he just picked, paid and ate. Then he sat and sipped a cup of coffee, lost in thought. Those needs taken care of, he checked the time, realized he'd been gone for an hour and headed back up to his partner's room.

The sight that greeted him as he pushed open the door caused him to shove the door open faster as he rushed to Johnny's bedside to assist Gretchen. "Oh Johnny," he commiserated as he once more supported the dark haired man's limp body while his treacherous stomach contracted. Once the episode finished, the two carefully rolled the unconscious paramedic back, Gretchen again repositioning him and checking all his attached hardware while Roy bathed his face.

"Can you stay with him awhile, Roy? This is the third bout he's had and the doctor has yet to answer my page." Gretchen stated darkly.

"You don't even have to ask," Roy commented as he rinsed the cloth and again wiped down his fevered friend. Gretchen gave him a firm nod and marched off. Roy watched her, grinning. "Well, my friend, it looks like you have yet another advocate. I'd hate to be in whatever doc's on duty right now's shoes when she does get ahold of him." He chuckled. "You do seem to have that effect on some of the nurses around here." He laughed. "Too bad it doesn't seem to be the ones you want to date that succumb to the Gage charm."

Through the entire episode, Johnny remained limp and unresponsive but that didn't stop Roy from talking to his friend. Before long Gretchen returned with a syringe in her hand and a smile on her face. She quickly administered the medication, saying, "There now. That should help you liebchen. I finally got ahold of Dix and she found Dr. Brackett."

Roy grinned as he continued to bath his friend's face, upper arms, neck and exposed chest. Gretchen set about taking vitals once again, frowning when she read the thermometer. She shook her head at Roy, whose grin faded, "Still?"

She nodded as she shook the piece of glass, "Down a little, but not much. 103.4" She charted the information, checked him once more than rested a weathered hand on the dark head. "He's hanging in there."

Roy nodded but his eyes stayed sad. She patted him on the shoulder as she left to check her other charges.

And so the day passed. Jo came and relieved him that afternoon, insisting he find some sleep or he wouldn't be any help to Johnny that night. So he did, but his sleep was anything but restful. When he returned that evening, the look on his wife's face was just as sad. He wrapped his arms around her as she buried her face into his chest. "He just lays there. He doesn't move, he doesn't talk."

"The doctor's sedated him honey, remember? So he don't move his hand."

She nodded, "I know." She cast a glance back over her shoulder, "I don't like it Roy. I told you before I didn't like a still quiet Johnny. This . . .this is ten times worse." She gave a bitter laugh, "I keep seeing him lying like that in his dress . . ." Her words broke off in a sob and Roy's arms tightened around her. He knew what she was thinking, he'd seen it too and it made his blood run cold.

"He's alive Jo. We have to focus on that. He's still alive and while he's alive, there is a chance." Roy's voice was firmer than what he felt. He too, kept seeing his friend, not on a hospital bed, but in a polished casket. And the very thought chilled him terribly. But as he'd promised Father Ross he hadn't given up on Johnny, and he had placed the outcome firmly in another set of very capable Hands.

Unknowing her husband's thoughts, Jo yet echoed them, "Whatever happens, he's in God's hands and we . . .we just have to trust that God isn't done with him here with us yet." She whispered as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

She walked back over to the still man, stroking his cheek gently, "Rest Johnny and get better. You hear me young man? You get better."

To her surprise, Johnny's eyes moved under his blued eyelids and his lips parted slightly. His head moved fractionally and her hand on his hot cheek froze. "Roy?"

Roy was beside her, his fingers pressing the pulse point on Johnny's neck. "It must be near time for his next shot. As each starts to wear off, he's been fighting to come too." He laid his hand now on his partner's chest and bent close to his ear, "Stay still Johnny. You're in the hospital. You're alright, but don't move."

Johnny's eyelids fluttered as they tried to open. He had turned his head in their direction, his tongue flicked across his dry lips. Roy took a ice chip from the nearby cup and smoothed it over those chapped lips. Johnny's tongue flicked out, trying to catch the moisture. Roy slipped another piece into his opened mouth and Johnny sighed.

Jo laid her hand on his cheek once more, saying, "We're here Johnny. We're here."

"Time for your next shot, Mr. Gage." A voice interrupted. The nurse quickly cleaned off the port and injected the shot. Almost immediately all movement stopped as Johnny sank once more under the powerful influence of the drug. The nurse smiled brightly at the couple and left.

Jo looked at her husband, feeling somehow disappointed in this and saw the same wistful look in his eyes. "He tries so hard to fight the medication." Roy whispered, then he looked at his wife, "That's why I have to stay here. If he knows for just those few seconds that we're here . . .." He looked back down at his still friend.

Jo laid a gentle hand on her husband's chest. "I understand. And . . . I hope he does know too." Then she kissed her husband, gathered her things and said, "I'll be back tomorrow. Jenny has a playdate with Missy again so I'll come up while they're gone." With one last look at the silent pair, she left.

Roy sat with his partner, grateful that somewhere, somehow, someone had found a more comfortable chair for him. This one was more like the kind you'd find in the maternity ward, for father's visit's with the baby. His back liked the soft cushions better than the hard plastic of the usual ones. He had nodded off to sleep, one hand still on Johnny's upper arm so he could feel any movement, the other clutching the blanket he'd been given.

Another day passed with the same routine. Johnny had now been in SICU for 24 hours. Roy and Jo spelled each other over the day and a few times, the crew from the engine came up between runs, giving their best to the watching couple as well as reassuring pats to the their unconscious shiftmate. Another night found Roy curled, once more, in the chair by his partner's bedside.

And that was how Dixie found him when she opened the door early Wednesday morning. She stood for several silent moments, just watching the two, a slight smile on her face. '_**He's still here; Gretchen says he's stayed with him since the surgery. I'm glad. This time Johnny isn't alone.'**_ Her thoughts went back to the heartbreaking conversation she'd had with the younger man just a week ago when he lay in this same SICU after his initial surgery. She was very glad things seemed to have changed in her two friends, and for the better. She thought about the long talk she and her friend Gretchen had had after Johnny had come out of surgery and Gretchen's shift had ended.

The ole WAVES had come down to the ER, caught her getting ready for her break and offered to buy her dinner.

Dixie looked at Gretchen suspiciously, "You're offering me dinner? Alright, Navy, what's up?"

Gretchen grinned, "You're too suspicious, Army. Can't two old friends just share a cup of joe and shoot the breeze."

Dixie eyed her warily, "I suppose two old friends could, but we're talking about you and me here."

Gretchen laughed hardily and hooked her arm through Dixie's. The other woman didn't protest as she was pulled down the hall. "Ok, I concede." The two moved through the line, made and paid for their choices and found a seat. They just chit-chatted as they ate but while she sipped her coffee and Gretchen toyed with her last few bites of cake, Dixie finally broached the subject.

"Alright Gretch, what's on your mind?" Worry made he sit up straighter.

"Johnny. Does it have to do with Johnny? What's the matter with him?"

Gretch held up a hand, "At ease, Army. The child was fine when I left. The sedation the docs have him on is pretty heavy. He came too a bit, poor thing, and ralphed but we got that straightened out, didn't we." She smiled at her friend and Dixie smiled back, remembering the phone call she'd gotten straight from her on duty friend. She'd immediately informed Kel about what was happening, and he had quickly seen to it that the proper medications were prescribed.

Gretchen took a long drink from her coffee then looked Dixie dead in the eye. "I do want the straight scoop though from you. This DeSoto and Johnny. He's the one who caused those beautiful brown eyes to be so dead before, right?"

Dixie nodded, "You could say that. How'd you know?"

Gretchen snorted, "It's my business to know how to best care for any of my charges." She sat forward, her stance serious, " And if this DeSoto is gonna hinder that child's well-being, he's gonna have to go through me first, doctor's permission or not."

Dixie's mouth hardened, "Has Roy done or said anything to Johnny . ."

Gretchen cut her off with a shake of her head, "No. In fact he's been very attentive and concerned." Gretchen smiled at the memory then grinned at Dixie's still battle-ready stance. Softly she told her friend, "Johnny came too, when he vomited. He saw Roy. He spoke to him. And his eyes, Dix, his eyes were alive again. Even in that brief time, even with all the meds in him, I could see it."

Dixie sat back, relieved. Gretchen watched her and gave a nod, "They're the ones Hilda talks about, aren't they."

Dixie nodded. Gretchen made a sound then asked pointedly. "Before. When Johnny first came out of surgery, he wasn't there. What happened?"

Dixie gave a brief synopsis of what had happened. Gretchen listened intently and when the sad tale was finished, she shook her head and sighed, "Well. At least he realized it and now he's got another chance."

Dixie nodded in agreement as both nurses thought about those who never got that second chance. Gretchen sighed again as she gathered her dishes. "Well, I need to get. I'll keep an eye on both of them." She smiled at her friend once more and left.

A soft snore brought Dixie's thought back to the here and now and she pushed full into the room. Her fingers rested on Johnny's slender neck, feeling the heat of his skin and the beat of his pulse. Her hand then moved to brush the damp hair from his forehead.

Dixie glanced back at Roy smiled as Roy looked sleepily up at her. '_**He needs a break**_,' she mused, '_**he looks nearly as bad as Johnny**_.' But she hid her thoughts as she laid a hand on Johnny's arm. "How's our patient?" She asked in a soft but chipper tone.

Roy sighed and scrubbed at his bewhiskered face with a weary hand. "He's . . . he's the same, I guess. Between the doses he acts like he's trying to wake up but can't." He sighed again, his hand dropping into his lap as he stared at his friend. "He's so still, Dixie. It's just not natural to see Johnny so still. Even . . . even when he was in the coma with that virus, he made some movement, but this . . . this . . ." His voice faded off.

Dixie nodded, knowing just what he meant. "Roy, Kel wants to see you down in his office. I'm on my break; I'll stay with Johnny."

Roy's head jerked around toward the nurse, his eyes first wide then narrowing, "Why? What's wrong?"

Dixie shrugged and gave him an innocent look, "I don't know. Why don't you go down and find out then come back and tell me."

Roy searched her eyes but could see no evidence of beguilement in their blue depths. Finally he gave a nod and stood. He leaned over, his hand on Johnny's shoulder as he spoke into his friend's ear. "I'll be right back, Johnny. Dixie's gonna sit with you awhile so behave yourself." He patted the unresponsive man, glanced once more at Dixie then left the room.

Dixie watched him go, sadness now in her eyes, then she turned back to her young friend. She smoothed the hair back from his face again, feeling the heat of his fevered skin. "Oh Johnny," she murmured. "You've got to try harder. Come on; where's some of that stubbornness I know's within you." She stroked his cheek as her eyes teared, "Come on phoenix, fight harder. There's an awful lot of people who are counting on you."

Roy knocked on the office door and waited for the "Come in" before he pushed it open, saying "Doc? Dixie said you wanted to . . . ." He stopped, his heart freezing in his chest as he saw the two doctors inside look up at him. "What's going on?" The words were almost whispered.

Kel Brackett came forward, his hand resting on Roy's arm as he gently tugged his paramedic on into the room and shut the door. "Come in, Roy. Have a seat."

Roy perched on the edge of the seat and looked up, his face blanched, "You . . . you're scaring me here, Doc. What's going on?" He asked again.

Kel looked at him, seeing the dark circles around his eyes from lack of sleep, the gaunt face from lack of good regular meals and frowned. Roy's eyes widened more.

"Mr. DeSoto, I understand you hold Mr. Gage's power of medical attorney." Dr. Bentley began.

Roy felt the room do a slow spin and he grabbed the arms of the chair to stop it, "Now you're really scaring me." he tried to joke with a weak grin. It didn't hold so he nodded, "Yeah. Yeah I do. His . . . his only relative, his aunt . . . she . .. uh …. she travels a lot. Out of the country." He swallowed the huge ball in his throat, "Why?"

"Roy, now, don't worry. We just need to discuss some things with you." Brackett smoothed over. Roy eyed him with suspicion. "_Discuss_ is what we do in the hall outside of Johnny's room." he bit out. "And then I'm Roy and he's Johnny." He looked from one man to the other, "what's with this Mr. DeSoto and Mr. Gage crap." His voice got sharper as he spoke.

The two doctors exchanged another glance and Kel perched on the edge of his desk, crossing his arms, his face twitching-- a position Roy was well familiar with. Roy's heart suddenly started to beat faster. He slumped back in his chair.

"Johnny's worse." He whispered. He saw both nod.

"His vital signs have been steadily dropping, not much but enough that we're getting concerned. He's getting weaker, not better." Brackett confirmed with a curt nod.

Then Bentley spoke up, "We think it's because of the sedation. I had originally ordered that since I was leaving the wound open and exposed in order to monitor it better. And I didn't what any movement in that hand. I admit that in Mr. Ga . . ." his lips twitched at Roy's look and he corrected, "Johnny's case, that might have been a mistake. Keeping him out has caused more problems than any added benefit. By keeping him out, he's isolated and he's failing." He gave a rueful chuckle as he spread his own hands, "It was working in one aspect; the hand was healing better but that won't make any difference if Johnny's overall health fails."

Roy nodded as the expression, 'The operation was a success however the patient died' came to mind. He didn't know he'd said it out loud until he heard both doctors sigh then nod in agreement.

"Roy, even with the tube feeding Johnny is still dropping weight. He can't afford to lose anymore, not as weak as he already is. Also, we're starting to hear some slight congestion in his lungs. You know he can't afford to get pneumonia on top of everything else." Brackett added.

Roy nodded, he'd been reading Johnny's chart when the nurses left it in the room; he'd seen the failing vitals and was worried himself.

He spread his hand in a helpless gesture, "So, what do we do?

"Bring him out of the sedation. Get him to sit up and breath deeper. Maybe because of the sedation or the fever or perhaps a combination of both, Johnny isn't taking deep breaths. Also with the weight loss we need to see if we can get him to eat again. I'm even authorizing you to bring in outside food. I don't care at this point what it is, get him to eat. Get him to talk with you, he's got to fight for himself, Roy, or . . ."

Roy ducked his head, his eyes blinking rapidly "We're losing him." The words were barely whispered. Again the two doctors exchanged looks. "Yes, at this point. But he's not so far gone that he can't turn around. That's why we want to do this." Bentley encouraged.

Roy took a deep breath then gave a firm nod, "Ok. Do it."

Both doctors grinned. "We'll put in the order right away." Bentley said and after clapping Roy once on the back, he left. Brackett, however, restrained his paramedic from leaving. When he turned to face his 'boss' Kel gave him a faint grin. "Go home Roy. Take a shower, eat a good meal, kiss your wife and get some sleep." he patted Roy's back. "You look nearly as bad as your partner." He could feel the muscles tense in the other man's back as he spoke.

Roy immediately began shaking his head, "No. no way Doc. If you're gonna wake Johnny up I have to be there."

"Roy, Johnny won't be waking up for a while yet. We'll begin cutting back on the sedation starting with his next dose but there's no guarantee he'll wake up right away. As weak as he is, he'll probably stay asleep for awhile."

Roy continued shaking his head, "No. Each time it starts to wear off, Johnny's been trying to wake. I know he has; I've seen it. No Doc, I'm staying right here."

Now the twitch was back and Brackett crossed his arms. "Roy I don't want to but you're giving me no choice. Now, if you don't start taking care of yourself, how do you expect to help your partner?" He glared openly at the younger man before continuing, "Therefore I'm putting in a order that you not be allowed back into Johnny's room until tomorrow and if you resist me, I'll not only extend the ban but have you sedated yourself."

Roy's eyes and mouth dropped open in surprise. "You . . . you wouldn't . ..?"

Brackett nodded, his eyes narrowed, "I would. You know I'm right. The only way you can help Johnny is if you're 100 percent yourself." He motioned toward Roy's still casted hand, "And your body won't heal if you don't get the rest and nutrition you need."

Roy looked down, knowing he was right, but hating the thought of Johnny waking up alone. As if reading his thoughts Brackett added. "Johnny won't be alone. Your captain is coming in any time and Dixie has already informed me she's got the night shift." He squeezed Roy's shoulder, his face and voice now gentle, "Go home, Roy. We'll take care of Johnny and you'll be back soon."

As they left the office, Roy looked up and saw his wife coming toward him, a determined look on her face. Roy whirled back toward Brackett his eyes accusing him but the doctor stepped back, hands raised and shook his head. "Not me,"

"Dixie called me." Jo informed him as she wrapped her arm possessively around her husband's waist, "She told me I needed to come get you, feed you and put you to bed—in that order." She reached up and kissed his cheek then tugged at him, "So come on. You can complain to me all the way home."

With a grumble under his breath, Roy allowed his wife to drag him away. And he did complain under his breath and the two did discuss what had transpired in Brackett's office while Roy ate. Afterward, he took a long hot shower, and fell into bed, quickly succumbing to an exhausted sleep.


	34. Chapter 34

Ok! Here's another chapter and we are nearing the end. It's been great. Please let me know what you think and I'm so thankful for you loyal readers. The Kents are coming up in the next chapter. Be prepared!

* * *

It was early afternoon when Roy finally woke. Jo, who had been putting away laundry, heard him and entered the bedroom smiling. "Hey there sleepyhead. I was beginning to think we'd have to change your name to Rip Van Winkle."

Roy smiled as he pulled his wife into his arms and kissed her. They snuggled for a moment, then he asked, "Where's Jen?"

"Outside. Missy came over and when I checked on them last I saw they had their barbies in the sandbox playing 'beach'."

Roy nodded, then quietly asked, "Uhhh, did you …uhhh tell her. . .."

Jo nodded, her eyes sad. "Yes. She cried. She said she can't help make him better if he's in the hospital. I told her that the nurses there would see to it he was cared for. She finally settled down when I told her that later she should color some pictures for him for his room and then we'd make cookies to send to him."

Roy pulled her close again for another hug. "Yeah. That's good. He'll like that." He pulled away, running his hand through his hair. Jo busied herself around the room, straightening here and there, making the bed, waiting for what she knew her husband was going to say. Finally, she couldn't wait any longer. "No, no one's called." She looked up, catching his eye. "That's a good thing. Right?"

He folded her into his arms yet again as he sighed, "Yeah. Yeah I guess it is." She pulled away and patted his belly when it rumbled. "I have lunch nearly ready. I thought you might be getting hungry and we have all that . . ." She stopped as she thought of all the food in her fridge and why it was there.

Roy smiled at her, "Did I tell you Brackett told me to feed him anything? He said he didn't care what it was as long as he ate."

Jo recovered her emotions and put a scornful look on her face, "Well! He'd better eat! There's way too much down there for us to finish off."

She looked back up, her face now looking worried as she added, "You'll . .. you'll just have to start taking some in . . .and . . .and force him."

Roy smiled, "Don't worry; I will."

Once lunch was over, Roy found himself wondering around the house aimlessly. Before long, he was back in the sunroom. Slowly he sat in the recliner, his eyes on the now made up daybed. Almost he could see Johnny lying there, his face breaking into a slow grin as Roy teased him about something. His eyes fell on the BP cuff, the pad and paper and the thermometer sitting right where he left them. He sighed heavily.

He smelled her before he felt her hand on his shoulder. She didn't say anything, she knew what he was feeling. For a long moment, they stood there in mutual worry over their very sick friend. Then Jenny's voice called out, breaking the spell.

"Mommy? Can I wear my red shoes to the store?"

"That would be fine, Jenny." Jo called back then smiled at her husband who had finally turned to her. "Jenny and I are running to the grocery to pick up stuff for the cookies. Do you need anything?"

He shook his head and she kissed him softly before she left. Roy listened to the sound of his family leaving the house and Jo's car driving away. Finally he couldn't stand it any longer. It had now been over 8 hours since he'd last seen or heard about his partner. With determination, he picked up the phone and instinctively dialed a familiar number.

"Emergency Room, Nurse McCall speaking."

"Dix? Hi, This . . . this is Roy. Uhhhh, .. ."

"Well hi Roy! Yes. He's here. Did you want to speak with him?"

Roy blinked, surprised at her words. Then a cold chill raced down his spine. "Dixie, has something happened with Johnny?"

"Yes, that's right."

His heart sank. "Is . . .is he . . ."

"No. Not at all. Yes, I can put you through to Kel's office right now." Her voice hinted strongly and Roy steeled himself. "Yeah, yeah Dix. I want to talk to him."

The head nurse's voice was soft now, the business-like tone gone. "I'll put you straight through, Roy. I'm sure you'll find _you_" she stressed the word, "were right."

Now Roy understood. He closed his eyes as he wiped a hand across his face. The next thing he heard was Brackett's deep voice.

"Dr. Brackett."

"Johnny's waking up, isn't he. And he's upset." Roy didn't waste any time.

A heavy sigh came over the line. "Yes. Roy, it seems you were right yet again." he tried a soft chuckle, "When am I gonna learn to listen to you where that partner of yours is concerned?"

Roy didn't comment so Brackett continued. "Yes. As soon as we started to reduce the medication, he began trying to surface. He seems to be having some pretty intensive dreams and for a while we were at a bit of a quandary. Did we sedate him again before he reinjured himself? Or did we cut the medication completely and bring him up faster."

"And your decision?"

"Roy, he's fighting any and all medications now. He's wearing himself out so we really didn't have a choice but to push him to be more alert." Again the sigh. "But that's not working either. And the fever is back up, the infection is running rampant and his vitals are still dropping."

That was all he needed. "Doc, I'm coming in."

Brackett's voice hardened, "Now Roy. I meant what I said. You need . . ."

"**Johnny** needs me. Now. I've slept nearly 8 hours and I've had two good meals. That's more than I usually get on shift." He argued. Then he softened his voice, his eyes closed. "Please Doc."

Silence.

Then, "Alright." Roy blew out a breath. "But just for a few hours. I want you to go back home tonight. Understand?"

Roy nodded. At this point he would agree to just about anything. "Yeah. Yeah I understand. I'll be right there." Before Brackett could say anything else, the phone went dead. Kel looked at the phone in his hand, then hanging it up, looked at the nurse perched on the edge of his desk. "You set that up." He accused.

She shrugged. "Roy was right when he said Johnny would wake up faster then you and Ken thought. You both were so sure his weakness and the sedatives in his system would keep him out at least another 24 hours. It's only been since 7 this morning, he's had one other light dose and he's awake." She reminded him. "I think it's really the fever that's making him incoherent at this point, not the meds." She picked a pencil up from the desk and tapped it's tip on the chart before the doctor. "You know from the past how fevers seem to affect our young friend." Both paused, remembering the virus that had infected both Johnny and Brackett, sending both into a coma and very nearly—death.

His mouth twitched, knowing everything she said was true but unwilling to voice it. "And," she shook a pencil at him, "Roy's right about this as well. Johnny needs him." With that, she put the pencil down and went back to her station. She knew that soon Roy would come rushing in and she had every intention of escorting him up to Johnny's room personally.

Roy hurried down the hall toward Johnny's room. Dixie had met him as he'd come in, fully intending on coming with him but just then calls started coming in from several squads and the nurse was needed. Now Roy headed quickly toward his partner's room alone, Part of him still resented that Dixie and his wife had double-teamed him, forcing him to go home and rest. But part of him acknowledged that he did feel better and calmer. He knew that could only benefit his partner.

No nurses were at the station so Roy went straight to the door leading to Johnny's cubicle. He pushed his way through and stopped as his eyes fell again on his partner. Johnny lay there shivering, his naked body lying on one cooling blanket with a thin sheet over it and another sheet and cooling blanket on top of him. His eyes were closed but Roy could see the movement beneath the blued lids. He tossed his head back and forth as he mumbled, pulling at his restrained hands, pulling his legs up then dropping them down.

Roy quickly surged on into the room, his hand going immediately to his friend's chest. "Johnny. Relax. Take it easy partner. Come on, Junior relax." To Roy's relief, some of the movement stopped. Johnny stopped pulling at the restraints with his arms but his legs still twitched and shifted. Roy squeezed Johnny's naked shoulder and began talking.

Johnny peeked out from his corner between the couch and the wall. He was safe here. Taŋkaŋsidaŋ had told him so. He'd even shaken the eagle feather over it and said the blessing words. He'd even let Johnny help. Johnny shivered anyways as his aunt's shrill voice seemed to cut straight into his body. "_**It's**_ just another useless mouth to feed. We can barely take care of our own now as it is! Why Ate insists on having that . . .that taku here is . . ."

"That boy is not a **thing**, that's Joseph's only child. He is family!" His uncle insisted, but his voice was smoother, comforting, not tearing on Johnny's nerves like Auntie Crow's was.

Aunt Crow made a harsh sound. Johnny flinched involuntarily then the remembered words of his older cousin, Russell caused him to give a faint smile. "You hear Auntie Charlotte's voice? You hear how shrill it is?" Russell had told him while they sat on a mud bank one day, their lines dangling in the cool waters below their feet.

"You know how it makes the skin crawl up your back?" The older boy grinned down into the large brown eyes looking up at him. He was glad he'd taken his little cousin out if the house on this supposed fishing trip. Their grandfather's latest illness was upsetting to everyone, but more so to his frightened cousin who only recently lost his only living parent. He hoped the boy didn't know some of the things being said about him, but he didn't have too much hope that was the case. And so he took the child with him, taught him things and tried to buffer him as much as the teen could. And like their shared grandfather, he found the boy intelligent, inquisitive and a fast learner. He leaned closer, looking into those dark eyes, watching them widen even more and dilate.

Johnny nodded up at his cousin, his face serious. Russell smiled and leaned closer to conspiratorially whisper, "That's why her Indian name is Speaks like Crow. She thinks it means she has Crow's wisdom." He laughed as he ruffled his little cousin's dark hair, "But we all know different."

Since that day, Johnny had only thought of his aunt by her Indian name, although he knew better than address her that way. Even though she knew he could speak the tribal language, each time she heard him use it, she slapped him, saying that to have the sacred words come out of his . . . ummmm. . . uncouth . . .(was that right?) mouth was an insult to the ancestors. He'd asked Russell about that and didn't understand the sad look the older boy gave him. He'd patted his little cousin on the head and told him, "Maybe it's just better to use the white's tongue around her." He stroked the bruised cheek, "It'll save your face."

His aunt's voice brought him back to the conversation he was trapped into hearing. He'd only been heading to the kitchen for an apple. He was hungry; things had been very busy today and no one had offered him food from the mound brought in by concerned friends and neighbors. He'd had to stay out of sight, away from the dark stares and his aunt's heavy hand. He sighed, he knew that if Taŋkaŋsidaŋ was there, or even Russell, he could have gotten a sandwich or something. Even if he could have said something to Uncle Dale, he was sure he could have at least gotten some bread and maybe something to drink.

But ever since Taŋkaŋsidaŋ had stayed in his bed the last two days, Auntie Crow had been in the house, bossing people around with her shrill cawing. He'd almost made it into the kitchen this last time when he heard her coming in through the back door, yelling at her husband. Johnny had ducked quickly into his safe spot and it was there he sat shivering as much with fright as with cold.

"That creature is not Joseph! Ate is getting addled in his illness. He thinks it's Joseph as a child again. Joseph is dead! Long dead and now dust. That taku in there is nothing of him."

For the first time that he could ever remember, Johnny heard his Uncle Dale raise his voice to his wife. "That child in there is as much a part of Joseph as your own Mary is a part of you! And as such Johnny is a part of Ate as well. Your father loves the boy for who he is, not just because he is Joe's son. And as long as this is his house, the boy will be part of the family and will be treated as such."

He could hear the shrieking Charlotte was making now as she stuttered in her anger. "It won't be long! When Ate is gone, this will be my house and things will change!" Then he heard the backdoor slam so hard, the wall shook. He laid quietly down, willing his hurting belly to be still. As it so often did, it betrayed him. He heard the chair scrap across the kitchen floor and he darted out from his safe spot, racing for the stairs.

But a hand caught him on the shoulder: he sobbed in panic as he was grabbed back and turned around.

The hand grabbed his shoulder and he tried to squirm away but another hand bathed his hot face with a cool cloth. A soothing voice comforted him, "Relax partner, you're safe. I'm here with you now. You're safe. Can you open your eyes for me? Come on Johnny, open your eyes."

'_**Safe, I'm safe. In my safe spot**_.' Johnny thought, letting the comforting voice and the cool cloth soothe him back into sleep.

Roy sighed, "Almost, Partner. You almost woke up that time. I'm glad whatever dream you were having is over though. Alright, you rest easy for a while. I'll wait right here."

And so most of the evening passed. Roy watched as Johnny would pass from fearful dreams, where he would either try to pull himself into a small ball, or would twitch and move his limbs as if struggling to get away from something. Each time Roy would stroke his face and neck with the wet cloth, talking quietly to him until Johnny would give a great sigh and relax. He sipped the coffee the nurse had brought in for him. If nothing else, they said Johnny was getting more restful sleep with him there. And his temperature had ceased its relentless climb. It had even started to go slowly down.

"Maybe that new antibiotic Doc put you on is finally working, huh Junior?" He told his friend and saw with surprise that tiny slits of brown eyes were looking at him. He leaned closer, "Johnny? Johnny? Come on Junior, wake up. Open those eyes a little more." But instead they slid shut once more and Roy sat back with another sigh.

A few more times, Johnny slit his eyes open, several times he murmured something in Dahkota that Roy couldn't catch, but that was all. Once he thought he heard his friend whisper "ma-kte" but it could have been something else, at least he prayed he heard something else. Roy knew some Dahkota from being around Johnny but he wasn't anywhere near fluent in it. But he knew "ma" was a personal pronoun and . . . Johnny had once told him "kte" meant killed.

And so Johnny drifted, torn between memories of the past, dreams of past rescues that might have gone wrong and small tiny moments when he saw a blurry face in a white room.

Yet again the blissful darkness of unconsciousness lifted. This time Johnny looked around and found himself, trapped, in the bottom of a deep hole. His body ached from the beating he'd received obviously earlier. He flinched as he saw again the hands coming down to strike him. Hands, all different sizes and shades, hands all around him reaching down from the darkness, trying to grab him. Confused and more than a little scared, Johnny cringed away from them, trying to make himself small and heavy, trying to keep away from their reaching grasps. Then out of that same darkness came voices which he instantly knew went with these hands.

"Easy, pal, we just want to help."

"Gee, Gage, lighten up. Ya know the phantom would never kick his pigeon when he's down."

"It's OK Johnny, we're only concerned for you."

"Mi hijo, dear one, relax. Everything'll be fine."

"Juanito, hermano, we're here for you."

"Relax, phoenix, you're alright."

"Uncle Johnny? Can we help you?"

Then a soft female voice and a very familiar male voice came, "It's ok Johnny. You just relax and get better. We love you."

"Easy, junior. Calm down. We're here for ya."

As he listened to the words, he stopped fighting and trying to escape and sat still, letting the hands finally reach him. They caressed his body, easing his pain and quenching the fire in his body then began to slowly and gently pull him out of the darkness, up, upward into the light.

Roy sipped yet another cup of coffee and gazed at the clock on the wall. The sky out the window was totally dark, the earlier colors of sunset now all gone. It was now after 8 and Roy knew that soon someone would come in and order him to leave. He knew that Doctor Brackett was as worried about his own healing as he was Johnny's but he also knew he would've agreed to just about anything to come in and sit these last 4 hours with his friend. However, he also knew that Brackett was serious about him going home to sleep or he would be banned from Johnny's side. He looked back down at the sleeping man. For the last hour, Johnny had been peaceful, his sleep so far undisturbed. He laid a gently hand again on his friend's shoulder.

"I'll have to leave soon, Johnny. I'd really like you to wake up before then, but I guess you're being stubborn again. Brackett's gonna force me out of here. I'd rather stay; you know that don't you? But if I try, Brackett threatened to have me sedated."

"Not . . enough room . . . in bed for . . . us both." Came a weak voice.

Roy jumped up, sending the chair scooting backward. He leaned closer to the bed, his eyes glued to his partner's seemingly asleep face. "Johnny?"

"Hmmm?" came the answer although his eyes stayed closed.

Roy hesitated, not sure if his friend was aware or dream-talking. "Are you awake? Can you open your eyes and look at me?"

Johnny sighed. "Tha's more eff'rt than worth . . ." Johnny slurred. Roy grinned as he squeezed his friend's naked shoulder.

"Johnny! You _are _awake!"

"If you say so," This time Johnny's eyes fluttered and finally slid open. He blinked, trying to focus on his friend's smiling face. His lips stretched slightly into an answering grin.

"Welcome back Junior! You've been gone a long time."

Johnny grimaced, "Feels like it too." He shook his head, "Don't go there, notta nice place."

Roy laughed, his soul bubbling with happiness at this conversation. Johnny tried to look around, but his eyes rolled tiredly. "Roy? Wha . . ."

Roy pressed his hand down on Johnny's shoulder. "You're in SICU. Your fever has been still pretty high. They took you off the sedation. That's all you need to know right now."

Johnny made a non-committal sound, his eyes sliding back shut again. Roy wasn't really disappointed: he knew his friend was still very weak. But he'd got to talk to him, see his eyes open and for now that was enough. "That's ok, partner, you just go on back to sleep."

Johnny shifted his head slightly then sighed again. Roy watched as his body relaxed and his face was again slack with sleep. The sound of the door behind him opening finally pulled Roy's gaze from his friend's face. To his pleasure, Gretchen grinned at him.

"Gretchen? What are you doing here?"

The ole WAVE nurse smiled at him. "One of my ba . . . nurses called in, so I get to spend the night shift with our boy here." She placed her fingers against his neck, "How's he been?"

"He just woke up. He spoke to me then went back to sleep." Roy's voice rang with its pleasure and Gretchen noticed his hand never left his friend's shoulder. She hid a smile as she recorded the pulse and respirations on the chart, then reached for the thermometer.

"That's good. I knew it wouldn't be as long as those doctors said." She looked up at the firefighter, knowing he'd voiced the same concerns. "His vitals are a little stronger too. Now let's see about that temp." As she spoke, she slipped the piece of glass between the dark haired man's lips like she had so many times before. Only this time, Johnny's face crinkled up at the alcohol taste and brown eyes slit open. She smiled, "Well! Hello there Liebchen!"

His lips stretched into a faint smile and he voiced, "Gret . . .chen. Sorry . ."

She leaned closer to hear his weak voice, "Sorry? Why? Just what have you to be sorry for Johnny?"

His eyes shifted around the room as he answered, "This. . . being. . .back."

Both Roy and Gretchen immediately moved to comfort their friend. "No, Johnny there is nothing to be sorry for. The only thing we want is for you to get better." Roy squeezed his shoulder as he spoke.

"Nonsense, liebchen, you've got no reason to be apologizing. I told you before, my whole objective is to get people off my floor because that means they're better. Now, hush up so I can get a temp." With that she placed her hand on his jaw and firmly pushed it shut.

Johnny blinked slowly at them, then gave a nod. His eyes closed and his breathing eased out. Gretchen timed the three minutes then pulled the glass stick from where she held it in Johnny's mouth. Roy held his breath as she turned the tube, trying to see the line within. Finally he couldn't stand it any longer and burst out with, "Well?"

She nodded, shook it down, wiped it off and replaced it into its container on the table. She marked the chart then faced Roy who was practically prancing with anxiety.

"It's down more. 103 even."

Roy sagged, his eyes closing as his shoulders slumped. Finally, maybe finally, his friend was getting better. Now. His eyes opened and his gaze settled on the ugly open wound Gretchen was now inspecting, changing the dressings on. Now if it was in time to save his hand.

Even as he was thinking those thoughts he felt a hand on his arm and turned. "Roy. Time for you to go home." Dixie looked up at him. She smiled gently, "Don't worry, Gretch and I will take good care of Johnny."

Roy protested, as they both knew he would, stating that even the nurses had documented that Johnny had slept better while he was there. Gretchen didn't say anything, Dixie was the one who insisted. Finally, weary and admittedly hungry, the senior paramedic gave him. He walked back over to this friend, laid his warm hand on Johnny's shoulder and bent down to whisper into his partner's ear. "They're running me off, Johnny. I have to go. You just remember that you're safe and you just sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

With one last look at a the form in the bed, Roy sighed and left the hospital. Once he got home, he found his wife waiting on him, dinner warmed and ready as well as her warm arms and willing ears. Together they laughed and cried, celebrating Johnny's return to consciousness and fearing what still laid ahead for him.

Although Roy felt relieved by actually talking to Johnny, he knew the hard part would come after the doctors talked to the injured paramedic. Brackett had told him that neither he nor Bentley were pleased with the infection in Johnny's hand. Although there had been healing while he was sedated, over the last day there were signs the infection was changing. When Gretchen had opened up the wound earlier, Roy had felt his heart freeze in his chest. Gretchen had looked up, caught his own look and had nodded sadly.

There, extending from the wound site, slowly marking up Johnny's wrist, were the faint beginnings of red streaks. Both knew that was a sign the infection could be getting into his bloodstream. And both knew if that happened, it would kill Johnny. The doctors would have no choose. In order to try and stop the infection—and hopefully save Johnny's life—they would have to take the hand.

So when Roy woke the next morning, he had a few moments of blissful peace until everything that had happened the day before, and all the possible ramifications, came crashing down on him once more. He rose, showered, shaved, and went down to the wonderful smelling breakfast waiting for him.

As he entered the kitchen, Jo looked up, smiled and handed him a cup of coffee. He took it along with a kiss. He sat at his place, sipping the warm brew, lost in thought. A hand repeatedly tapping his am finally got his attention and he looked over at his daughter with a smile. "I'm sorry honey, what?"

Jenny looked at him, "You're worried about Uncle Johnny." She stated. Jo caught her husband's eyes and gave a faint shrug. Roy sighed, "Yes honey. I'm worried about Uncle Johnny. But!" And he grinned big, "He's awake now. I talked with him."

"Good!" Jenny squealed, "Now you can take him the cookies Mommy and I made and he will eat them and get strong and come home!"

He grabbed her up in a hug as he heard his wife murmur softly. "Form your lips to God's ears." To which he added his own silent 'Amen'. Then he plopped the squirming girl back into her chair just as his wife turned with a skillet in her hand. She dished fluffy scrambled eggs onto the three dishes, put the skillet back on the turned off eye, and grabbed the plate containing the sausages and the toast from the counter before sitting down.

For several minutes, the family ate in silence then Jenny said, "I miss Chris, Mommy. When's he coming home?"

Jo pointed to the date circled in red on the calendar. "Not for another three days. See? Today is Thursday and Chris comes home from Scout Camp on Saturday." Roy found his eyes caught on the dates and marks on the calendar. His shift was clearly marked, with the days on and off. His eyes caught on the 1st with its note 'Jenny stitches'. God! Had it really only been a month that all this had happened? It felt like years but the marks on the calendar were clear. There was the day Johnny was hurt, now 10 days passed, and the day Jo had brought him home—just a week tomorrow.

"Chris doesn't know anything about Uncle Johnny Mommy, does he?" That question brought Roy back from his thoughts.

"No Honey, he doesn't" Roy told her, "But when we all go up to the camp and get him, we'll tell him then. And maybe . . ." He looked at his wife, seeing the hope in her eyes as well, "Maybe by then Uncle Johnny will be well enough that we can all go up and visit him together."

Jenny nodded enthusiastically, "That's what I've been praying for every night and every morning. I just know God is listening too. He'll make Uncle Johnny well again. Father says God always answers prayer." Roy felt his wife's hand close around his and he gave it a gentle squeeze. Again silent, the family finished their meal.

As Roy walked down the now too familiar halls toward the SICU, he couldn't shake the heavy feeling in his stomach. Something in him just knew something had happened. And he was dreading it more and more the closer he got to Johnny's room.

As he neared the room, he saw Gretchen coming out, frowning. She saw him and made a stopping motion. They met by the nursing station. "Gretchen, how is he?" Roy's tone was clearly anxious.

A smile flickered in Gretchen's eyes at his concern but wasn't strong enough to dispel the frown. Roy held his breath in worried anticipation.

"He's _**more**_ coherent than yesterday." She finally answered. Roy let out the pent up breath, relieved to hear that news. Then he frowned as what the nurse reported didn't jive with her actions coming out of the room. "And?" he asked expectantly. Gretchen looked back at the room as she answered, "And he's more _**coherent **_than yesterday." She placed a strange accent on "coherent."

Roy was puzzled and his face showed it. He'd heard what she said, then it registered _**how**_ she'd said each sentence. He understood. His friend was now aware of just how bad things were.

Gretchen saw the understanding in the blanching of Roy's face and nodded. "Drs. Brackett and Bentley were in earlier and talked with him."

"How's he handling it?" Roy was surprised his voice sounded nearly normal. His insides felt like they'd all dissolved with her words.

"He's been awake for the last three hours and he hasn't moved at all."

Roy glanced toward the room, "Not any?"

Gretchen sadly shook her head, "He's been sitting there, staring at his hand all morning. Not moving, not talking, nothing."

Roy sighed and nodded his head. He moved past the nurse, stopping when her hand rested on his shoulder. He looked down into her worried blue eyes. "Be with him. He needs you now more than ever."

Roy nodded, and briefly touched her hand with his before he squared his shoulders and pushed into Johnny's room.

Johnny was just like Gretchen had said, his body propped up at a 45 degree angle, his gaze fixed on the apparatus that held his right arm hostage. He barely appeared to be breathing. He didn't move at all as Roy stopped by his side. Roy laid a gentle hand on his partner's right shoulder, "Johnny."

Johnny didn't move but he did inhale a little deeper. His eyes still on his hand, he whispered. "Roy. They told me."

Roy nodded and translated that into a slight pat of his hand.

"It . . . they said . . . ummm . . . Brackett . . . I might . . ." Johnny stopped and started, then gave a deep inhalation sounding too much like a sob for his sympathetic friend.

"I know." Roy kept his voice even, even though the frog in his throat tried to hold the words back. "But look at it this way . . ." he paused, waiting.

When the pause lengthen, he saw Johnny blink and as if cued, he continued. "You should still be able to fall back on your second career."

Johnny sighed as if knowing his friend was trying to make him feel better but his face showed that it was failing miserably.

"Roy, I . . ."

Before he could even get the thought out, Roy interrupted, "I mean, you might never be a big name rock star drummer again, but you can always fall back on being a paramedic. I'd gladly take you back in the squad as a partner anytime."

That got Johnny's attention and he broke his stare to swivel his head up to look at his friend, his eyes wide in confusion. Then the words—and the meaning behind them—hit him. Roy watched as the varied expressions raced across Johnny's gaunt face. First his mouth trembled as his lips twitched, undecided in whether to frown or smile. His dark eyes filled with tears as he blinked rapidly. He gave a bark of a laugh. That release was all his emotions needed to break the constriction he'd held over them.

Johnny's eyes ran over and his breath came out in a soft moan. Roy sat quickly on the bedside, and reached out, pulling the younger man tightly to him as Johnny let his feelings out. He softly rubbed the younger man's back, his own eyes tearing in empathy as Johnny sobbed brokenly. "Mikokipa, Roy, mikokipa."

"I know partner. Let it all out." He soothed. "I know you're scared, I am too. But we'll get through this; no matter what the final outcome, you have us. All of us."

Roy let Johnny cry until his sobs eased and he felt his friend growing limp in his arms. Johnny's head now rested on Roy's shoulder and he could feel his breath, with the occasional hitches still in it, fan his neck. He waited for several more moments, holding his friend, giving comfort while the very act of comforting Johnny comforted Roy as well. Then he reached with one hand and lowered Johnny's bed before lowering Johnny back into it. Johnny's eyes were closed, his breathing deep and mostly even. Roy knew his weakened friend had exhausted himself what with the worry after the doctor's visit and now with this emotional release.

"It's alright partner, I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this together. All of us. Just like I told you." Roy whispered as he used the sheet to wipe the drying tears from his friend's cheeks. He placed his hand back on Johnny's shoulder, keeping that contact with his sleeping friend, his own mind lost in thought.

An hour had passed and Roy felt Johnny stir, his head moving on the pillow as he tried to wake up. Roy patted him softly, "Its ok, Johnny. Relax." He was at war with himself, part of him knew Johnny needed the sleep and didn't want his friend to wake up too soon. The other selfish part wanted those brown eyes to open so that he could see how Johnny was doing.

Movement behind him caught his attention and he turned to look up into Gretchen's soft smile. "Good. You got him to sleep. He needs it." She handed him a fresh cup of coffee then turned her attention to her patient.

"How's he doing?" Roy whispered as the experienced nurse quickly did a vitals check without disturbing the sleeping man.

"Better. His vital signs are a little stronger now. His breathing has been better. And his temp is . . ." She pulled the thermometer from under Johnny's arm. She hadn't wanted him to wake up from the alcohol taste. She smiled as she read it and calculated. "Still down. 101.6 axillary."

Roy let out a great sigh. The signs were better. He looked pointedly at the dressings on Johnny's hand.

"No real change. But it's not worse." She told him. Then she patted his arm. "You got him to talk . . and to sleep. Now get him to eat."

Roy grinned as he nudged the bag at his feet. "As soon as he wakes." Gretchen smiled, "Good boy." And with that she left and Roy settled in to wait.

Almost another hour had passed before Johnny's eyes fluttered open. He looked over at his partner and a slow smile spread across his face. Roy smiled back, "Hey, Junior. Feeling better?"

Johnny shifted and Roy instantly helped reposition the bed and him in it. "Yeah." He then ducked his head, "Sorry."

Roy placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "Don't be. That's what friends are for." Brown eyes looked up into blue ones. Silent communication passed between the two men. Johnny gave a faint nod at the worry/trust/friendship he saw reflected back at him and Roy felt reassured at the light of life he now saw glowing in his friend's eyes.

"Are you hungry? I brought along some of the food everyone's left you at home." Roy turned and pulled up the bag, placing it on the table and rolling it over closer.

Johnny hesitated, "I . . I don't know."

Roy looked at his thin friend, seeing the bones pushing so prominently against the paper-thin skin, his normal coppery tanned complexion looking sallow and sickly. "Johnny you need to eat."

Johnny nodded, knowing that was true. But he also remembered the pain of retching after the surgery. It wasn't something he felt he had the strength to go through right now.

Roy somehow knew just what Johnny was thinking. "Johnny, that was most like just reaction from the anesthesia, you know that. Here. I brought some broth from the chicken and rice soup. Let's try that first and see how you do, ok?"

Johnny nodded and Roy prepared the food. "Thanks Roy." Johnny said as his friend held the cup to his face. He took a careful sip at the flavorful broth within, holding it in his mouth and letting it dribble down his throat.

"Johnny? You ok? No nausea?" Roy looked worried.

Johnny shook his head just as his stomach growled. Johnny's face flushed as Roy chuckled, "Ok. I'll take that as a no."

Johnny rolled his eyes but eagerly took the next swallow. "You don't know how good this tastes right now." He said.

Roy smiled, "I've got an idea. Jo and I had some of it yesterday for lunch. Momma Lopez makes a wonderful Chicken and Rice." Johnny nodded in agreement.

Roy took the spoon and got a small amount of rice. He spooned that into his friend's mouth. Over the next few minutes little was said as Roy fed him. Then Roy noticed that Johnny's eyes were growing heavy again. He placed the remainder of the soup back onto the tray and lowered Johnny's bed. "Sleep now. I'll still be here."

Johnny gave a faint nod, his eyes closed. Roy finished off the rest of the soup, knowing he had more items to tempt Johnny's palate in his bag. He'd come well prepared.

As Roy suspected, Johnny only napped, awake again before the hour was finished. Roy feed him bits of frybread as they talked.

"I wish you'd been here this morning went Brackett and Bentley were here." Johnny ducked his head, "I . . I guess I was so upset over what they were saying, I kinda missed all they were saying."

Roy felt bad. If he'd known about the meeting, he certainly would have been there. But just hearing his friend admit that as well, made him feel better. "I'm here now. Next time he comes in, you'll remember." He told him as he tore off another piece and held it out. When Johnny opened his mouth, Roy plopped it within. Johnny was silent for several moments as he chewed and swallowed. Roy offered him some water and he drank deeply from the straw. Then he settled back with a sigh.

"Frankly, I was sorta surprised when I woke up and saw it was still there." He glanced at his hand and a shudder shook his body. Roy very carefully and deliberately turned Johnny's chin so his gaze was no longer on his restricted limb but back facing Roy. Johnny's chin trembled in Roy's hand. "It . . . it doesn't look . . ."

"It looks horrid." Roy agreed seeing first the stricken look in those coffee dark eyes then that faded to a look of concurrence. "But you and I both have seen as bad and worse and we both know you can't tell by that. Those who we thought wouldn't heal have."

Johnny nodded, knowing that was true. Roy smiled as he gently shook the chin he still held. "And you, my dear friend, are too stubborn to have it any other way than fully healed." Johnny grinned slowly, his eyes showing his thanks at the confidence his partner expressed even if he didn't feel the same way—yet.

Roy noticed Johnny's eyes were becoming a little unfocused and his blinking was getting slower and longer. He released his face and gently pushed the dark haired man back, readjusting the bed so it reclined more. "Sleep Johnny. I'll be right here when you wake."

Johnny acquiesced, his eyes sliding shut, his body relaxing. Roy settled back with his fresh coffee, content in the day. Johnny was awake and eating. His vitals at each check were growing stronger and his temperature continued to stay low grade. Finally, finally, his friend _**was**_ getting better. Blood had been drawn earlier and the doctors were waiting for the lab results before they would come up and talk to their patient this afternoon. But Roy had a feeling it would now be good news; he could just feel it in his soul.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Well, here's to the power of feedback…I had the end all written and the feedback I 've received made me rethink it. Sooooo, I've had to rewrite it. I hope you like this…and I promise, the Kents will be back…soon!

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Roy spent the remainder of the visit the same way. When Johnny was awake he fed him from the food he'd brought in. As Johnny slept he either watched his friend, lost in his own thoughts, or browsed through the magazine he'd brought along. While he was resting or eating Johnny and Roy made small talk. However, Roy realized it was just that, nothing serious or heavy and neither one brought up anything about what had happened over the last month. Roy knew there would still be issues but he'd let Johnny lead in that matter. He gave a rueful quiet chuckle, "Lord knows I've done more than my share of controlling things lately. Now it's his turn; his timing." He also knew his friend was still weak and tired quickly. Talking wasn't quite the effort it had been for him while he'd been at the DeSoto house, but it still drained him quickly. Roy looked at his friend with a smile on his face. "I'm still waiting for the day you stand up and tell me what an ass I've been to my face." He told his young partner as he pulled the blanket higher up around Johnny's shoulders. In response Johnny moved his head slightly on the pillow while he snuggled into the warmth a little more. He gave a contented sigh as he slipped deeper into sleep.

Roy looked out the window, watching as the sun began to set lower in the sky. Johnny had now been asleep for over four hours. He was glad his friend was getting some much needed rest but his time alone had also left him with too many thoughts. The sound of the door opening caught his attention. He smiled at his wife as she came forward. She dropped a kiss on his upturned lips but her gaze never left their sleeping friend.

"He looks a little better." She remarked, keeping her voice low.

"I _**am**_ better." A quiet voice informed her and her grin widened into a welcoming smile. She stepped up to the bed and reached out a gentle hand to smooth the dark hair from Johnny's forehead, delighted that the heat of the intense fever was finally leaving him.

"Johnny, you don't know how glad that makes me feel to hear that."

He smiled as he slowly opened his eyes and looked up at her. She let her eyes study him for several long moments, unaware of the intent of her scrutiny until Johnny nervously dropped his gaze, shifted uncomfortably in the bed then glanced back up at her. She shook herself as if dismissing her deep thoughts. "I'm sorry, Johnny. I'm just really glad to see you looking more like our Johnny."

His dark brows twisted downward into a puzzled frown and she laughed. His dark eyes went from Roy's grinning face to Jo's then back before he grumbled, "Why do I get the feeling I missed the punchline?"

Jo laughed again and stroked her hand down his cheek. Then she bent over and shifted the bag she'd placed at her feet to his tray. "I brought dinner from the surplus at home, thanks to you." She announced.

"I'm not that hungry." Johnny mumbled as he tried to shift his aching body again on the cooling mat he still lay on. _**'Thank goodness they removed the other one. I was beginning to feel like some sort of weird chilled sandwich.**_' he silently grumbled. His head hurt, his eyes ached with the fever he still ran, his arms were stretched out from his body and held firmly in place and he hadn't been off his back since the surgery. All in all, Johnny's mood was deteriorating quickly. "Don't go through any trouble on my account."

Then he caught the look in Jo's eyes and felt instant regret. "It was no trouble Johnny." Jo told him. "Like I said. People have been bringing food to the house for you since Sunday." Johnny ducked his head and mumbled an apology.

Jo looked at her husband who gave a faint shrug. Jo gave a nod, then brightly said, "Well, then I'll just leave this here for later." Awkward silence filled the room.

Johnny continued to stare downward, Roy shifted in his chair, not knowing what to say or do and Jo moved from the window to the bed. Finally she looked at her watch and announced, "Oh my! Look at the time. Jenny will be back from Missy's soon. I guess I'd better go." She leaned over and kissed Johnny's forehead but got only a intelligible mumble from the young man. She then moved to her husband and kissed him, "I guess I'll see you later on tonight."

"You don't have ta stay either, Roy" Johnny said, his voice barely audible. The two exchanged glances but Johnny didn't lift his head or say anything more. "I'll walk you out." Roy stood and followed his wife out of the room. Before he shut the door, he looked again at the figure on the bed. Johnny had rested his head back in his pillows, eyes closed, face relaxed but Roy couldn't tell if he was really sleeping or not. He sighed and let the door close.

As soon as he joined his wife, she leaned closer and whispered, "What was up with that?"

Roy shrugged, "I'm not sure but I can guess. I think the fever has come down enough so that Johnny feels just enough better to realize how miserable he is."

Jo looked at him for a long moment then burst into laughter. Roy frowned, "Jo! It's not funny! He's still very ill and that infection isn't much better."

Instantly she sobered, "You're right. And I'm just as worried as you are about his hand." Then she smiled again, "But Roy, stop and think about how you said what you just said." She giggled as she added, "I think you've been spending too much time with Johnny, you sounded just like him just now."

Roy mentally reviewed his words and grinned with realization. She nodded as he gave a faint apologetic shrug. "And for what it's worth, I think you're right. We both know how much Johnny hates to be inactive and the way they have him staked out like that . . ." She shook her head and sighed.

Roy nodded, glad his wife was so understanding. She smiled and kissed him again, then pulled back saying, "Go back and sit with grumpy. I put some of the cookies Jenny and I baked in there as well. Maybe that will help cheer him up. I'll see you whenever you get home."

Roy pulled her into a quick hug then watched as she walked away. With a sigh he looked back toward the room. A tiny bit of resentment flared in his chest but quickly died as he muttered, "Well, I've been saying I couldn't wait until you called me the ass I've been to my face. I guess the time has come." He straightened his shoulders with resolve, ready to face whatever his friend dealt him, and knowing he rightly deserved every bit of it.

When Roy entered the room, he saw Johnny had turned his head away from the door to stare out the window. The position torqued his body awkwardly but the stubborn jut to his jaw clued Roy in quickly on the dark haired man's mood. "Johnny, . . ."

"What." Johnny's voice was low and sullen and he didn't move.

A firm knuckle on the doorframe alerted both of them as a nurse accompanied by Dr. Brackett walked in. "Good evening Johnny, how are we doing this evening?"

"Don't know, let's take a quick vote and ask everyone." Johnny replied, turning away again. Brackett looked at Roy who raised his eyebrows and made a 'you got me' motion with his hands. Brackett gave a loud sigh. "Well, you sound better Johnny."

Johnny snorted at that as the nurse walked forward to get vitals. As she raised her hand toward his neck to get a pulse, he pulled back. She stopped and looked up at Brackett whose mouth twitched. She reached for her patient again as he sank back into his pillows, eyes closed and body unresisting. She quickly completed her task and read the results off to the doctor who recorded them into Johnny's chart. Then she removed the bandages from his wounds and stepped back. Brackett came forward, then looked up at Roy. "Ahh, Roy?"

Roy nodded and turned around but before he could leave Johnny's voice rang out. "I've been on public display all week, why change that now?" Doctor and senior paramedic exchanged glances and Roy said, "I'll just be outside when you finish Doc."

Brackett nodded, "I think that's best, Roy."

Johnny's eyes snapped open and he glared at them. "There's nothing wrong with my brain. I can still make decisions on my own, you know." Both men froze at the animosity in his voice.

Brackett gave him a slow nod, "No one is doubting your cognizant abilities John. But you are right, who stays here while you're examined is your choice."

Johnny gave a curt nod, "Fine. Both of you go."

Brackett gave a faint grin as he shook his head, "Sorry John. That's not an option. I will be doing a exam on you."

Johnny closed his eyes again and shifted as much as his restrained body allowed him, "Then I don't care whether you both stay or go, just get this over with."

Without another word, Brackett progressed through the exam and Roy stayed hovering near the door. Brackett finally pulled back and nodded to the nurse who removed the bag of food off the tray and left to quickly return and place a covered treatment tray in it's place. Johnny remained laid back, eyes closed. Brackett's mouth twitched as he stared hard at his young paramedic. "John, look at me." He demanded.

Slowly Johnny's eyes opened but his mouth remained in its sullen poise. "Your wounds are healing well—finally. So now, I'm going to remove some of those stitches."

Johnny sat up a little, "All of them?" There was such hopeful note to his voice that it caused Roy to wince and Brackett to frown.

Brackett shook his head, "No Johnny. Not all of them. Not in your hands or the surgical site in your side. I want that one to heal a little more still."

Johnny sank back, his voice filled with resignation as his eyes closed again. "Whatever."

Brackett nodded to the nurse who handed him a pair of stitch scissors. He began work on the smaller stitched areas on Johnny's arms first. Other than an occasional wince when a stitch had to be forcibly pulled, Johnny kept his eyes closed and made no motions. Even when Brackett moved to the more delicate areas of his face, Johnny didn't react. After what seemed like hours to Roy, Brackett pulled back and the tweezers clattered on the tray. "There now Johnny. The nurse will clean up those areas. I'm sorry about the tugging, and you've got some minor bleeding. Some of the stitches were a bit ingrown but all in all, the wounds look good. I'd say your scars will be minimal."

No reaction came from the dark hair man in the bed. Brackett picked up the chart again. "I see your lungs are clear now. And your last blood tests looked better. I think we're finally getting a handle on that infection." That news got small slits of brown eyes looking cautiously at him. Brackett grinned, "Yes Johnny. Your hands are healing. Dr. Bentley wants to come in and examine them again himself but we both agree that if this improvement continues, we should be able to soon remove the restraints on your left hand at least."

"When can I get out of here?" Johnny's voice was quiet but again hopeful.

Brackett grinned slightly at the familiar question from his ever reluctant patient. "I said you're getting better but you're no way near healed. You're still running a fever and your right hand still has a long way to go." Brackett expected more argument from his wounded paramedic and frowned slightly when Johnny gave as much of a shrug as possible, muttered, "Figured" and closed his eyes again. The doctor patted the paramedic on the leg. "You sleep now. I'll see you later." Johnny made no further motion and Roy followed the doctor into the hallway.

"Doc, so the infection? It's better?" He asked once the door closed behind them.

` Brackett nodded, "His white count is down, his fever is lower, I'd say those are all good signs."

Roy gave a great sigh and leaned against the wall. Brackett crossed his arms and asked, "Roy? When did this start?"

Roy looked at him, understanding instantly what the doctor meant. "You mean the attitude? He was… overwhelmed when I got here this morning. But he ate some, talked and napped. The last time he slept was about 4 hours long and he woke up like this." He sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. "I think he's just frustrated."

Brackett stared at his paramedic, his face twitched as he said, "I think you're right. He's had to put up with an awful lot in the last few weeks."

Roy sighed again as his gaze dropped to his feet. "I know. I'm trying to help him all I can. To let him know how sorry I am."

Brackett nodded then slapped the younger man's back. "Give it time Roy. This didn't happen overnight and it won't change overnight either." He smiled, "The bright side, he is getting better."

Roy grinned at his mentor and friend, "Yeah. Yeah he is." He watched Brackett take Johnny's chart over to the nurse's station before he re-entered his friend's room.

Roy was surprised when as he entered the room and angry brown eyes in a frowning face greeted him. "So. Are you and the good doctor done discussing the helpless cripple?"

Roy blinked, stunned by the accusing tone, "That's not . . ."

"Are you telling me that you and Brackett weren't just discussing my health out of my earshot?" Johnny interrupted. He scoffed, "Come on Man, I know you're a lot of things but I didn't think you'd added liar to the list."

That hurt and Roy winced. But given all that had happened, he felt that he deserved Johnny's anger. "I'm not trying to lie, Johnny. Yes, I was asking Brackett about you. He didn't say anything out there that he didn't already tell you. Your white count is better and the infection has slowed."

Johnny just watched him and Roy shifted uncomfortable. Then spying the bag of food, he placed it back onto the tray and began removing the containers within. "Let's see what Jo brought, ok?"

When Johnny didn't say anything, Roy continued. "Ok. We have what looks like some sort of casserole and biscuits and pudding. Oh and cookies." He removed the lid from the casserole and the room filled instantly with delightful smells. He took a fair amount up in a spoon and turned toward Johnny.

Johnny obstinately kept his mouth closed as he muttered, "I said I'm not hungry." To prove him wrong, his stomach growled just then. Johnny's frown became darker.

"Not hungry, huh?" Roy teased. Johnny's gaze remained fixed on the opposite wall. Roy sighed. "Johnny, I know you're frustrated. I know you don't like this. But you heard the doc. You are getting better. And maybe soon, you'll be able to use your left hand a little." Johnny remained as he was. Roy began again. "Listen. I know how you feel. . . "

"You know how I feel? Really!" Johnny cut him off, his head whipping around so fast Roy wondered if he'd given himself whiplash. "When was the last time you were staked out like some sort of weird science experiment in a hard cold bed, hmmm? When was the last time you had to depend totally on other people to feed you and clean you or even get you a drink? Hell, I can't even take a sh** without someone's help. Tell me, DeSoto, when were you in my position?"

Roy pulled back at the blatant anger coming from his friend. He dropped the spoon back into the container and thought hard over what he'd say to the other man's very legitimate complaints. "You're right, Johnny. I haven't been in your exact position. But there have been times when injuries have left me dependant on others for help. You know that. You were always there for me. I'm just trying to return the favor."

"You don't owe me anything, DeSoto." Johnny growled, his gaze going back to that far wall. "And I'll not play your plastic saint to appease your guilt."

Roy took a little breath in shock. Anger filled him and he felt the blood first drain from his face, then rush back with his temper. Before he could stop them, the harsh words on his tongue let loose. "Don't be so stubborn, Gage. I swear some times you're worse than a damn child! You know you're in here for your own good. And you know you must eat. If you don't eat, you won't ever get better. Is that what you really want? Do you like playing 'poor victim me' that much? " Even as he said the words, Roy instantly regretted them but, unfortunately, he had said them.

Johnny's gaze shot over and upward, brown eyes stared deeply into Roy's. For a few brief seconds Roy saw again those flashes from his dream and Johnny—wounded and dying. He gave an internal groan. '_**Oh Bravo DeSoto, spear him again. Boy, you certainly are an expert at stabbing him straight in the heart**_.'

"I'm not your child. I'm not anybody's child. I'm not even your partner right now; you have no right to order me to do anything. And I'm not playing at anything, least of all being a victim. And no, I don't like this. As a matter of fact, I hate it all." He stopped, taking a deeper breath as the tirade had winded him. "Stop trying to force me to do what you want, DeSoto."

Roy pulled back, blinking rapidly. The truth of Johnny's words stung, but he couldn't deny they were correct. Roy looked at Johnny. Johnny's face was pale and gaunt. His breath had picked up and a deep flush colored the skin over his sharp cheekbones. Roy knew without even checking that Johnny's pulse and BP had to be way up. He knew the stress wasn't good for his healing friend.

Roy slowly nodded then softly said, "You're right. And I'm wrong. I'm sorry, Johnny. All I've ever wanted was for you to get better. I'm sorry if I've been forcing you to do anything. That was never my intention. I've only tried to do what I could to help you. Please believe that."

Johnny listened to what Roy said. God, he was tired: tired of hurting, tired of being strapped to this bed, tired of having to depend on everyone else to just live. He resented Roy's freedom to come and go and saw Roy's helpful attitude as just another way of Roy controlling him. And he was sick of being under another's control. '_**Well, we'll see. We'll see if he really means what he's said before.'**_

Roy waited as Johnny stared at him then he saw some sort of decision suddenly in Johnny's eyes. He kept his eyes in contact with those brown ones even as Johnny ground out. "Go home. Go back to your wife and family. I don't need you here; I do just fine on my own." He tried to sit up straighter and jerked his head toward the door. "You heard me. Get out. I don't want to see you back here any time soon."

Roy nodded again, "I know you do fine by yourself, John. I know you're not a child, you're a grown man. And I'm sorry that's what you think I've been doing." He placed the once more closed containers back in the bag and picked it up. "I'll leave now, if that's what you really want."

For his own part, Johnny was surprised to see his partner give in so easily. Stunned, he felt his head nod even as Roy took a step closer to the door. Then Roy stopped and turned around. '_**Ha! Knew it! He can't change his god-attitude so fast.**_' That annoying voice in Johnny's head gloated then cut off as Roy added, "But John. Please know this. All I want, all any of us want, is to see you healthy once more. Healthy, back on your own two feet and able to take care of yourself again." He hefted the bag briefly. "If you need me. If you want me, you know where I'll be and how to get in touch."

Again Johnny just nodded, the anger had left his face and now he showed no emotion as he stared at Roy. Roy sighed, "Take care of yourself, partner." He said softly then walked out of the door.

Johnny stared at the door for several long moments after it closed, half expecting it to fly back open again. When it remained closed, he heaved a great sigh, realizing his friend really had left him. Suddenly he felt drained and his body sagged wearily into his bed as his eyes closed. Funny, it had felt good to tell Roy off but now he felt alone and more than a little nervous. For all his talk, he wasn't sure he could do this alone, and he unexpectedly realized he didn't want to. As Johnny felt sleep pull him downward, he had one last thought; had he just forced the end of his friendship with the DeSoto family? And what would he do if that was the case?

Roy paused outside Johnny's door, chewing worriedly on his lip. He knew Johnny couldn't take care of himself at this stage, but he also realized how important it was for the younger man to feel that he had some sort of control left in his life. With a nod to himself, he strengthened his resolve. He would do as his friend had asked, after all he _was_ his friend and he would prove it to Johnny. Quickly he walked to the nursing station. He smiled at the nurse who looked up at him, "Hey Shelly. Listen, Johnny's not feeling too good right now so I'm gonna head on home."

She frowned and stood up saying, "Oh? Maybe I should go check on him."

Roy made a dismissive motion, "No, I don't think you need to do that just yet. He looked pretty tired and I think he was gonna sleep." She nodded then smiled, "Well then, I'll check on him in a little while. He needs the sleep."

Roy nodded, then handed her the bag, "Listen, my wife brought this in for him, it's food. He hasn't eaten anything in a while and. . .you know . . ."

She nodded; she did know. She knew that Doctor Brackett had allowed outside food to be brought in for the young paramedic in an effort to get weight back on him. He handed her the bag then with a wave left. She marked the bag and stuck it into the fridge and unfortunately, forgot about it once shift change happened an hour later.

Johnny's eyes opened as the noise of someone entering his room woke him. He looked up, blurry eyed and desperately wishing he could rub the sleep away from his eyes. Instead he just peered at the fuzzy figure before him. "Dinner is here, Mr. Gage." A cheery voice told him.

The aide shoved the tray in front of him, took the lids off the food plates then smiled at him, "Enjoy your meal." And she left. Johnny blinked several times until he could focus on the food. He wrinkled his nose at the smell that wafted upward from the unrecognizable lumps. He leaned back into his pillows, wishing he could push the tray from him. Any appetite he had had was spoiled by the smell. For a moment he wondered what had happened to the casserole Roy had offered him and he regretted not eating it. "Way to go Gage. Slit your throat to spite your stomach." he muttered to himself, "you could've waited to tell Roy off _after_ he fed you."

With a weary sigh, he closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep. "Tsk, tsk, you didn't eat anything, Mr. Gage. I'll have to put that on your chart. I'm sure your doctor won't like that." The scolding voice penetrated Johnny's sleep and he forced his eyes open just in time to see someone pick up the tray from his bed.

"Wait, Miss. Could I get some . . . " He tried to call out and choked on his dry mouth. "..water?"

"If you need anything else, Mr. Gage, just use the call button." The figure called as the door shut behind her. Johnny looked over at the button hanging from the rail of his bed and sighed heavily. He tried to work up enough saliva into his mouth to swallow. With a groan of exasperation he closed his eyes again. '_**Sure. You can take care of yourself just fine.**_" he chastised himself. He tried to squirm around to find a comfortable spot but he couldn't adjust the bed himself. Several of the pillows slipped off with his movements and he couldn't do anything about it. The one left was positioned just below his shoulder blades, making his back bow awkwardly. The pain in his hand was beginning to worsen and he realized it had been a while since anyone had come in to check him. With another sigh, he resigned himself to be miserable and tried again to sleep. Although he was uncomfortable and sore, his body was tired and sleep came, but it was anything but restful.

When the nurse came in to check him, she found the fallen pillows and thinking he'd tossed it off, she laid it on the chair, took the exhausted man's vitals and left again. So the night passed, each time the nurse came in, Johnny woke up too late to catch her. Over the night time, his mouth became more dry and he began to cough and choke whenever he tried to talk. The night nurse dutifully noted this development and that the patient's voice seemed to have left him but never questioned why.

The next morning, Gretchen came in early as was her habit. She stood behind the nurse's counter talking with the night duty nurse, sipping a cup of coffee, while she waited for the shift change report. "So, quiet last night, Tina?"

Tina nodded, "For the most part. SICU is certainly different from Peds. We're always hopping over there what with night feedings and deliveries at all hours."

Gretchen laughed, "That's true and we only have 5 patients on the floor right now as well.

The student nurse came back down the hall after slipping the trays in her hands back into the food cart. "The patient in 3 still hasn't eaten or drank anything. His urine output is still low too. His temp was 102."

Tina frowned as she pulled out the proper chart. "Hmmm, no supper, no breakfast. No liquids since yesterday noon. And temp's up too. His doctor isn't going to like that." She murmured.

Gretchen frowned, "That's John Gage. He's refusing food and drink? Where's Roy?"

Tina looked blankly at her, "Roy?"

Gretchen nodded, "Yes, Roy DeSoto. He's usually here until late."

Tina shook her head, "There's been no one with him since I came on. The nurse on the previous shift said he hadn't eaten or drank anything on her shift as well. She didn't say anything about anyone with him."

Gretchen frowned. "That's unusual. Roy's usually here to feed Johnny."

The student nurse and head nurse exchanged curious frowns. Tina turned back to Gretchen who had taken the chart from her hands. "Coughing? When did this start? How often did you offer him water?"

"Offer him water? What do you mean?" Tina asked even as the student nurse replied. "He's had a full picture of water on his bedstand all night and hasn't touched it. I know. It was full last night when I came on and I refilled it. It was still full when I picked up his tray this morning."

Gretchen looked up, a scowl on her face. "Well, a lot of good it would do him on the bedstand. Didn't you offer him any?"

The student nurse looked back and forth between the two older nurses. "No, I mean, why would I?"

Gretchen rolled her eyes, "Oh for . . ." She said crossly and stalked off. Bewildered and more than curious. the other two followed her. Gretchen pushed the door open quickly hearing the dry hacking cough within. Instantly she took the still filled glass, placed a straw within it and went to Johnny's side. She held the straw to Johnny's lips as she said, "Here liebchen, drink."

Brown eyes opened to look gratefully at her as he drank deeply. "Slowly now, don't choke." She cautioned him as she soothingly rubbed his shoulder. He finally pulled back with a sigh after draining the glass. "Thanks Gretchen. You don't know how dry my throat was." The student nurse's eyes opened wide in surprise at the strong sounding voice. It wasn't anything like the pitiful weak croak she'd heard before.

Gretchen stole a glance at the two figures behind her, "Yes, I can imagine. Johnny? Are you hungry? I saw the sack with your name on it. I guess Roy left it?"

Johnny ducked his head as he nodded. His growling stomach answered the question for her and she chuckled.

He gave her a sheepish grin then shifted carefully in his bed. She frowned, taking in his awkward position in the bed and the way the one pillow bowed his back, putting more pressure on his hips. "You're propped up there kinda high. Have you been like that all night?'

He dropped his head and gave a faint nod. She sighed and slightly lowered the bed, relieving the pressure on his buttocks. Then she pulled him carefully forward and reset the pillows. Johnny sighed as the pain in his stiff muscles eased. She patted his shoulder as she said, "You relax a minute while I go see what Roy left for you. Once you've eaten, I'll reposition you and then we'll see about doing something about those tightened muscles."

He nodded, never seeing the other two women Gretchen brushed out with her.

Tina looked angry, "Why didn't he call? He never said a word all night long!"

Gretchen looked at her, "Did you read his chart? He can't call, look!" She pointed to the directions left by Dr. Bentley.

Tina read, "Due to open wounds patient's hands bilaterally are to remain restrained within. . . . Oh my God Gretchen, the poor man!" Gretchen nodded as the student nurse paled, "He couldn't reach for the button."

"Or feed himself, or get water or even change his own position in the bed." She left the two thinking about what they had done as she checked on the bag. She found the biscuits and retrieving butter and jelly from the breakfast cart as well as three chilled milks. Armed with these and a bottle of skin lotion, she went back into Johnny's room. A hour later, she left a sated Johnny contentedly dozing. After feeding him, she had shifted the apparatus for his hands, allowing him to rest on his right side for a while to give his back and buttocks a much needed break. Then she had massaged his back and shoulders, relieving the tension from his forced upright position all night.

Tina looked up from her charting as Gretchen refilled her neglected coffee cup. "I feel so bad. I must have checked on him four times last night and it never registered he couldn't move."

Gretchen gave a curt nod, not willing to let the other nurse off easy since she felt an important lesson should be learned, "That's why we are to always read through the charts and pay particular attention to the doctor's comments not just the notes from the shift before. If you had, you would have known."

Tina shook her head at herself, "His cough, it was from his mouth being dry. And his low urine output, the same. All that would've been corrected if I'd just stayed with him long enough to see the apparatus or had read the chart."

Gretchen didn't say anything. She just drank her coffee then began pulling the current charts to prepare for shift change. Once the other shift left, the new shift began their morning duties of preparing medications and following what orders the doctor's had prescribed. When Gretchen briefed her nurses on what was the day's duties, she deliberately left the patient in SICU 3 off the list. Today, that patient would be her own responsibility. The experienced nurse was more than capable of handling the responsibilities of floor nurse AND taking care of a very special patient. Once everything was set in motion and the morning meds were dispensed, Gretchen prepared a special tray and headed off to Room 3.

When she pushed open the door, brown eyes opened to look up at her. She smiled, "Feel like freshening up a little, Liebchen?"

He gave her a sleepy smile. She released the gown's ties from his neck and pushed it forward out of the way. "Since you're already lying on your side, I'll start with your back." She did so and Johnny closed his eyes in appreciation of the warm water and soothing motions. Once she had all of his back cleaned and dried, she rubbed more lotion into his dry skin, making sure to spend time massaging the areas that showed pressure marks. She had felt the tension slowly leave his body and a glance over his shoulder proved his eyes nearly closed. She knew he was nearly asleep again.

She patted his shoulder and he gave a drowsy, "Hmmm?" She chuckled, "I'm glad you're enjoying this but I need to move you onto your back now."

Johnny sighed heavily, "If you must."

Gretchen moved the structure holding his left hand first, then carefully rolled him back onto his back. She had flattened the bed first with only a slight bend near his knees. Johnny settled back, still feeling relaxed. She started first with his face then moved down his body, repeating everything she had on his back. She spent special time rubbing lotion into his dry feet, giving him the benefit of her knowledge in reflexology. A happy sigh escaped her patient. That done, she pulled a tube and began smoothing the lotion within on the areas where Brackett had recently removed his stitches. The fragrant smell of lavender tickled Johnny's nose and his eyes pulled open.

"Whazzat?" He slurred.

Gretchen smiled, "It's a special ointment for scars. My mom was quite the herbalogist. She developed it. It's pretty simple actually, some lavender oil, vitamin e oil, lanolin as well as a few secret ingredients."

Johnny nodded slightly, his eyes sliding shut again. "Smells nice. Stops the itching."

Gretchen smiled as she treated all his healing wounds with the ointment except his surgery site and his hands. Johnny was so limp, he felt like an unconscious person as Gretchen expertly moved his body, changing his gown and his bedding. She pulled back for a moment, just watching him sleep. Then spying the nearly empty output bag, she poured another glass of water and laid a gently hand on his shoulder. Again she got, "hmmm?"

"Johnny you need to drink. You're still a little dehydrated." She told him as she placed the straw to his lips. Without opening his eyes, he did so, empting the cup again. She placed it back on the bedside and smiled at her charge. "You sleep now. I'll be back in a little while to check on you."

She heard a faint, "k" just as she'd gathered up all her items and pushed open the door. Two hours had passed when Gretchen looked up and noted the time. She frowned, "It's nearly 10 and Roy hasn't come yet. I hope nothing is wrong." She looked back into the bag and pulled out the container holding the casserole. Calling an aide over she ordered, "Take this down to the kitchen and have them warm this up. See it they have any bananas or peaches as well."

The aide grinned, "This for Mr. Gage?"

Gretchen tried to look gruff but failed as she looked into her nephew's twinkling eyes. "So what if it is?"

"I'll see to it personally, Ms. Collins." He gave her a cheeky grin and hurried off. She frowned and grumbled under her breath, "another smart-alecy infant. I'm doomed to forever take care of babies." Then her face soften as she thought again of the young man in Room 3.

As good as his word, Randall walked into the kitchen with a grin and swagger. He spotted the older dietitian he'd teased several times and headed over toward her. "Hiya, May. What's special today?"

Light brown eyes lifted and smile broke out over the heart-shaped face. "Hello Randy. I thought today I'd make pineapple upside down cake."

Randy smacked his lips, "Sounds really good. Hey I've got some food I need reheated." May turned and called one of the aide over and instructed the girl to warm the mixture. Randy watched as she scurried away then remembered, "I was told to bring back some peaches or banana too with that."

May jerked her head toward the cooler saying, "Check in there but don't touch anything else." He did so and returned with a small dish of peaches. He watched as she crafted the cakes then placed them into the large ovens.

"Those are sure gonna be good," he murmured and she smiled at him. "I'll be sure to save you some." He nodded happily then snapped his fingers. "Hey I betcha Gage would like some too, I know he likes baked goods."

May froze at that name but her voice showed no sign as she asked, "Who?"

Randy shrugged, "Oh, one of the patients up on SICU. He's a paramedic who works out of here named John Gage. The food I just brought down is for him."

"Is . . .is he bad?"

Randy gave a shrug and a sigh, "Well yes and no. Seems he was hurt on the job a couple weeks ago and it got infected. Really bad, I guess, since they had to do further surgery on him. He might lose his hands from what I've seen." He frowned and moved closer to the petite woman. "May? You alright? You look a little pale yourself."

She shook her head and gave him a smile, "I'm fine. I think I've just been standing in here with the ovens too long. I'll get something to drink and sit down and I'll be fine." At that moment the aide brought the warmed food back. And May grabbed it. She placed the food on a warmed plate then added a fresh soft roll and several pats of butter as well as a large dollop of whipped cream on the peaches. She handed the covered tray to Randy and told him, "Make sure you grab a couple of milks from the cooler before you go up." Randy nodded and with a smile left. It wasn't until he was in the elevator he paused, thinking, '_**How'd she know Gage always drinks milk**_?'

Back in the kitchen, in her office May bent over her desk, her head in her hands. "He might lose his hands. Oh God. How long has he been in SICU?" She pulled back and ran a hand through her brown grey streaked hair, "No more time to waste, May. This time, you have to go see him. It might be the only chance you get." She reached into the drawer and pulled out a barrette and rubbed her fingers over the beadwork on it, her finger tracing the pattern of a multi-pointed star lovingly. Then with a sigh, she replaced the barrette, rose, refastened her hair back under her hair net and went back to her duties.

Randy balanced the tray on the edge of the nurse's desk just as Gretchen looked up. "Got Gage's dinner." He told her with a wink. She scowled at him, "Cheeky. I'll take it, you go see about helping Penny change the bedding in 5 and 8. We've got two new patients in recovery right now that'll be up here soon." He nodded and headed off.

Gretchen took the tray and entered room 3. She placed the tray on the bedtray and swiveled it into position. As she removed the lids the smell filled the room and roused the sleeping occupant. He smiled at Gretchen as she moved his bed into a more upright position.

"I've got you some food here Johnny." She pushed the tray into position and scooped some of the casserole up into the spoon. Johnny eagerly opened his mouth and Gretchen filled it. She continued giving him casserole interspersed with bites of roll lathered in butter and all washed down with cold milk. As he was enjoying the last of his peaches, she commented, "You ate pretty good."

He nodded as he drank the milk. She looked at her watch. "I wondered where Roy was, he's usually here long before now. But I imagine he'll be here before suppertime."

She looked up as Johnny turned his head and quietly told her, "Better put my name back on the list for the kitchen."

She frowned, "Why? Did something happen?"

Johnny shifted uneasily then gave a deep sigh. "Yeah. You could say that I happened. I doubt he'll be in here again for quite a while." Then he closed his eyes and leaned back into his pillows. Gretchen watched him closely for several minutes, noticing that he looked troubled. However, she wouldn't push, his cryptic words had been enough to tell her several things. She'd wait and see. She cleaned off the rolling tray and put the lids back on the tray. Then she moved the bed into a more reclined position. She took his vitals, noticing that while they were still getting stronger, the young man in the bed remained quiet and withdrawn, eyes closed. She patted his shoulder and told him, "You get some sleep and I'll see you in a bit." Then she picked up the tray and left.

Gretchen was again at her desk a few hours later, having checked on Johnny again and found him sleeping. She'd had her own lunch break and was charting when a faint clearing of a throat and the rustle of a paper sack caught her attention. She looked up and smiled. "Roy. I wondered where you've been. Everything ok at home?"

He nodded and pushed the sack toward her. "I've brought Johnny some dinner and a few snacks."

Gretchen pointed a pencil down the hall, "Well don't let me keep you. You know where he's at."

Roy shuffled his feet uncomfortably and looked down. Gretchen stopped doing what she was doing and studied him.

"I . . . I can't. I just wanted to make sure he got something. But I . . .I can't take it to him." He finally finished.

Gretchen's eyes narrowed as she put the pieces together in a possible fit, even though she didn't like the pattern they formed. "I'm glad you left that sack yesterday." She commented as she turned back to her charts as if that was the most important thing and she was just making casual conversation. "Johnny would've gotten pretty hungry today without it."

Roy frowned, "What do you mean? Didn't he finish it yesterday?"

Gretchen shook her head. "Seems everyone on the evening shift forgot about him. And it wasn't as if he could use the call button or anything. Then the night shift had a new floor nurse and well, she didn't know Johnny or read all the way through his chart."

She shrugged nonchalantly while watching him covertly from the corner of her eyes as she added. "He was miserable by the time I got in this morning. He'd been laying in an awkward position all night with his bed propped up, no water and no food since I guess when you left yesterday."

Roy closed his eyes as his face paled, thinking about his friend, helpless and no one willing to help him. "oh." Then he sighed deeply and kind of poked at the sack in front of him. After several moments he said, "Gretchen, while I appreciate hearing about him, I don't think Johnny would be to happy if he found out I was checking up on him. He is an adult."

Gretchen frowned, now getting a clearer picture of what might have transpired between the two men. "Yes, he is. But I also know you are listed in his records as next of kin so my telling you about him breaks no confidence." She stood up and moved closer, putting a consolatory hand on Roy's arm. "He's frustrated and hurting and tired of being strapped down like some kid's science project. Be honored that he thinks enough of your friendship to know that he can cut loose on you and you can take it."

Roy raised his head, his blue eyes searching hers, "You think that's what he's doing?"

Gretchen gave a sardonic grin, "I'd bet my stripes on it.,"

Roy gave a short laugh then shook his head sadly, "Well, you'd lose. I don't think that's what he's doing at all." He looked up to the ceiling blinking rapidly as he continued, "You . .. you don't know our history. You don't know what happened."

Gretchen squeezed his arm, her voice lower but strong as she said, "You'd be surprised what I know, Mr. DeSoto."

Roy's head jerked down to look at her, his eyes now wide. She held his gaze as she slowly nodded. Roy's face flushed first red then paled as he sighed, "Dixie."

Gretchen flexed her hand on his arm, "Don't blame Army, I forced the issue. When it comes to giving proper care to my charges, I leave very little to chance."

Roy ducked his head, "So. You know about how bad I treated him. You know that he's only giving me back what I rightly deserve."

Gretchen now shook his arm, "That's not true and you'd better get those thoughts out of your head right now if you're serious about changing." Her voice grew colder as she continued, "Or is this all an act to assuage your guilt?"

Hearing Johnny's words come out of her mouth shocked Roy and he burst out with a loud "NO!" He glanced around, embarrassed then repeated in a softer voice, "No. That's not it at all. Johnny is my friend, even if he doesn't think so right now. Yeah, I'm sorry I hurt him but I would still be here even if that didn't all happen."

Gretchen smiled to ease her words, "Then be there for him. He's testing you." Roy stopped, his mouth open wide as he realized the truth in her words. "he's pushing me." He breathed. Then shaking his head, "He's pushing me like I pushed him. He's trying to see if I really mean all I've told him." His shoulders slumped as he accepted this.

Gretchen took the sack and marked it with Johnny's name as Roy watched. He looked back over his shoulder toward Johnny's room then sighed. "well. I'd better go."

Gretchen caught his eyes and held them. "Just give him time Roy. And," Her eyes twinkled, "Don't go far."

Roy's lips twisted in a faint smile, "Never. All he has to do is say the word." Gretchen nodded and watched the sad figure walk down the hall, pause in front of the door to room 3 then walk on.

The door barely opened before the slight figure on the other side slipped into the dimly lit room. The setting sun was shining in through the window, and highlighting the shape in the bed. Her eyes caught first on the strange contraption rigged to the bed, holding his arms out from his body. Then he stirred, moving his legs and shifting in the bed. His head turned toward her, eyes still shut, the sunlight clearly illuminating his face. Her breath caught in her throat, "Joe . . ." she breathed softly. But even as she said it, saw the similarities, she saw the differences.

She moved closer, drawn by the sight before her. A thin nearly gaunt sharply angled face with eyes closed so that dark lashes lay on the cheeks. Dark hair hung down nearly in the closed eyes and she felt her hand rise, moving to brush the heavy locks back before she even realized what she was doing. He moved again and gave a soft moan but remained asleep.

This close she could see the marks on his face and across his arms and exposed chest. '_**He could've died. He could've died and then I'd never have gotten this chance**_.' Tears filled her eyes as she looked him over. '_**Oh Johnny. My Johnny**_' Part of her wanted those eyes to open, wondering if she'd still see the innocence within those deep dark depths or had time changed him. As if he'd heard her, those eyes slid open and he blinked at her. She smiled and smoothed his forehead, stroking the angled brows as she said, "Shhhhh, sleep Tanagila, sleep. You're alright; just close your eyes." She murmured softly and those dark eyes blinked slower, rolled then closed as a faint smile stretched his lips.

The tears that had threatened earlier now slid down her cheeks. She'd been right, she'd seen in his eyes all she'd hoped to see. Carefully she leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on his still healing cheek. Then she wiped the tears from her own face and left just as quietly as she had came.

Gretchen walked into Room 3 and stood for a few moments looking at the sleeping occupant of the bed. Then with a sigh she moved forward and began her vitals check. Part of her hated that she would soon be off duty, leaving him to someone else but she'd make sure that the nurse replacing her knew about the special circumstances with this patient. Sleepy brown eyes opened and Johnny smiled at her as he stretched as much as his restrictions allowed him.

"Just need to do a vitals check Johnny. It's almost shift change." She told him even as she wrapped the BP cuff around his arm.

"Oh. You going off shift already?" He asked then frowned. "Gretch, where you in here about ohh, twenty minutes ago?"

She shook her head as she pumped up the cuff. "No. I was overseeing the new arrivals." He frowned deeper but remained quiet until she released all the air from the cuff and began pulling it off. "Why?"

"I thought someone was in here." He explained, "I woke up briefly and someone was in my room. They . . ." he reached up and touched his forehead, remembering the feeling of a gentle hand soothing him back to sleep. Then his eyes widened a little more and he swallowed hard. Gretchen saw the reaction and reached for the cup of water. She offered it to Johnny and he drank deeply.

She frowned at him. "You alright?"

He nodded and gave her a lopsided smile. "Yeah. I'm fine. Guess it was just a dream."

Gretchen completed the vitals check then asked, "Would you like a snack? Someone from the kitchen sent you a piece of pineapple upside down cake." He nodded faintly and Gretchen left to get it. She fed it to him, letting him wash it down with a cup of coffee then she told him she'd see him the next day.

Johnny settled back into his bed, his brows knotted together as he reviewed what he'd remembered. "She called me Tanagila. Whoever was in here, whoever she was, she called me Tanagila. There's no one alive now that knows that." With that thought he fell into an unsettled sleep.

Roy returned home and entered the house with his face wrinkled in thought and his heart heavy. In his mind he knew Gretchen was right but in his soul, he hurt for his friend. JoAnne saw her husband's face and instantly knew his inner conflict. She wrapped her arms around him and snuggled her body to his. He reciprocated and they stood there, feeling the comfort offered by the other. Finally she spoke, "You didn't see him." It was a statement.

She felt his headshake. She looked up into his face. "It's what he wants right now." He nodded. She squeezed his waist and he sighed as he dropped his chin to rest on her head. "I know. And I understand, really."

She smiled, "But…?"

He looked down, smiled and kissed her nose. "He had a really bad night." He went on to tell her all that Gretchen had said. Jo nodded as he finished, "So now you feel guilty as well."

With a sigh he gave another nod. "If I had been there, he might have been angry but he wouldn't have been neglected. I never meant for him to suffer. Never. Not even when I was . . .doing to him what I was doing to him. I never meant for him to be hurt."

Jo squeezed her arms again, "I know. And I think inside he does too. Roy, he has to work this out for himself, just like Gretchen said. You've had some time to think about what happened and try to rectify it. Johnny hasn't. Give him time."

At this repeat of Gretchen's words, his smile grew and he kissed her nose, "Have I told you lately what a smart woman you are, Mrs. DeSoto?"

She batted her eyes at him and smiled back, "Why, how nice of you to notice, Mr. DeSoto."

His smile turned into a leer as he pulled her closer, "That's not all I notice about you."

Jo gave a gasp then melted against him as he nibbled on her neck. "Jenny's over at Missy's again. How 'bout you come help me . . . ummmm . . . strip the beds?"

"Oh yeah." He growled, "Stripping sounds . . .just fine to me."


	36. Chapter 36

Gretchen glanced at her watch as she completed her latest vitals check then headed toward the nurse's station. She could see several figures standing there and knew the evening shift had arrived. She straightened her shoulders and marched forward. She had some business to attend to. The seated nurse looked up from the charts she was reading as Gretchen approached, and smiled. "Evening Gretchen, looks like we moved two off and got two more, right?"

Gretchen gave the other experienced nurse a tight smile. "That's right, Shelly." She paused and then moved closer, away from the student nurse, CNA and LPNs gathering around the coffee pot. "Shelly, you were on duty yesterday when Roy left, right?"

Shelly looked back up from the chart, a curious expression on her face. "That's right; they'd asked me to cover the day shift for Marci." A concerned look quickly replaced the curious one. "Why? Something happen to Johnny?" She grabbed the file, flipped it open and scanned the notes, her face hardening as she read. When she looked up again, her grey eyes snapped with anger. "That's unconscionable Gretchen. Angie Lewis replaced me and I didn't get to fully brief her due to a crisis with Mrs. Wilson in 4 right at shift change. Stubborn old lady had pulled her IV and cath out. I assisted then had to leave; my Rachel's been sick and the sitter had to leave promptly at 4. But I left a detailed note."

As Gretchen watched, Shelly reached up under the desk's overhang, shuffled through some things and pulled down a sheet of paper. She scanned it briefly then handed it to Gretchen, who read,

"Angie, John Gage in 3 is normally supplemented with outside food brought in and marked with his name. Roy DeSoto normally feeds him but had to leave early. Make sure you offer him water and juice when you do vitals. He prefers grape juice, there's plenty for him in the fridge. Feed him as often as he'll accept. Dr's orders. All this is stated in the chart. Have a great shift, Shel"

Gretchen placed the note in the chart and looked at Shelly. Shelly shook her head, "They ignored it, and him. I should have hunted her down and shoved it in her face. You know we've had trouble with her before whenever she floats here, leaving the students to do everything but medications. I've heard she's even left most of that to the LPN that's assigned to her."

Gretchen nodded. "Yes. I know. I think this time she'll get more than a verbal warning. I plan on bringing this up to the supervisor. We can't have that kind of slip-shod work on this floor."

Shelly nodded, her eyes hard. Both nurses knew that kind of lack-a-daisical care could result in serious harm on SICU. Shelly glanced out onto the floor. "So, is he ok now?"

"I just checked on him. He's sleeping. He ate some cake around 2:30. His temp has been coming down again but you should really push the water and juice. Even with the IV he's still a little dehydrated. Roy brought more food and there's still some pudding and cookies left from yesterday." Gretchen answered as she pulled the chart toward her and marked it. "He's ate pretty good today, but not as well as he did for Roy earlier. Watch his mental state, he's been pretty down also."

Shelly nodded as she listened. Gretchen then pulled the other three charts and began telling Shelly about each. Once that was done, she gave the door to #3 one last look before she left, secure that this evening, the healing paramedic would be better cared for.

At 5:30 pm the dinner cart rattled onto the floor. As the orderly maneuvered it near the nurse's station, he smiled at Shelly. "Three trays of food substitutes and one warm-up as ordered."

Shelly clucked her tongue at him, "Best not let the kitchen hear you saying that, Clarence, or your extras on pudding will stop." Clarence laughed and left. The two student nurses came over to the cart and began removing the trays. Shelly looked at them thoughtfully for a moment turned to the tall stately African American LPN seated next to her and smiled. "Lucy, you want a pleasant hour break?"

Lucy closed the chart she was marking and raised her head, her golden eyes looking at Shelly with a touch of wariness. "Depends." She drawled with her soft Mississippi accent, "Whatcha got in mind?"

Shelly grinned, pulled a chart, flipped it open, placed it in front of the middle aged woman and tapped the instructions. "John Gage needs to be fed. There's food for him in the warmer."

Lucy eyed the other woman, "Ok. What's the catch? He a spitter, or biter? Got a nasty attitude?"

Shelly laughed as she imagined Johnny any of those things. "Well, he can complain, but no more than anyone else who wants off this floor." Then she smiled to ease the other woman. "No. He's not. Actually, when he's on his own feet, Johnny can be quite a charmer."

Lucy looked back at the notes from the doctor, frowning a little as she read. "Gage. I heard tell there's a fireman—paramedic I think . . ."

Shelly nodded, "That's him. Got caught in an gas explosion a few weeks back. The wounds got infected and they had to take him back into surgery." She let her soft smile spread into a grin, "And depending on what you heard, will depend on whether I can say yes or no to the rumors." She pulled out the tray with the warmed food on it. "Go on. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Tell Johnny I'll be in to give him his meds and do a check after he eats."

Lucy stood and took the tray. She walked toward the designated room then glanced back once more at Shelly, still not sure whether she was being had or not. Then she straightened her shoulders and put a determined look on her face. 'Well, I've dealt with all kinds, from screamers and cussin' to biters and spitters. I'm sure I can handle whatever Mr. Gage can send my way." She knocked once on the door then pushed it open. "Mr. Gage, your dinner is here." She announced as she walked in. She paused briefly as she got her first look at the figure in the bed before her. Her initial attention was caught on the unusual contraption pinning the patient's arms away from his body, then her gaze traveled to the thin figure and the sharply angled face on the pillow. The eyes were closed and he appeared to be sleeping. She was slightly surprised to see he was obviously young, barely in his twenties, she'd guess and not bad to look at. 'Easy on the eyes,' as her mama would say, with a wealth of dark thick hair.

She placed the tray on the bedside table, moving it into position to comfortably be able to reach it, then pulled the chair closer to the bed. When none of the movement seemed to rouse the sleeping man, she laid a hand on his bare shoulder and gently shook it as she again called, "Mr. Gage, wake up. You need to eat now."

The eyelids flew open revealing dark eyes wide and panic filled as her patient took a great gasping breath and shot upward as far as his partially restrained body allowed. Lucy stepped back in surprise then instantly moved forward again to reassure the now panting man, her hand automatically going to his exposed neck, feeling the rapid pulse pounding there. "It's alright. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Calm down, take deep breaths. That's right. I'm sorry honey, I'm sorry." She found herself using the endearment easily as his breathing settled down and he gulped, then coughed.

She grabbed up the glass of water on the bedside table and placed the straw to his lips. "Drink. Slowly, don't choke." He did as dark brown eyes flicked upward to her face in silent thanks.

She smiled at him and he gave her a faint smile in return. He finished the water and eased himself back into his pillows. "Thanks." he said, then his gaze dropped and to her amazement, embarrassment stained his cheeks. "Sorry about that."

She replaced the glass and sat down, "Don't apologize to me. I'm the one who scared you half ta death." He looked over as she adjusted his bed to a more upright position. "I've got your dinner here, Mr. Gage."

"Johnny."

She looked at him, her brows drawn downward in puzzlement. He smiled again, 'A very nice smile' she noted, but also noted it didn't quite light his eyes. "Pardon?"

"Johnny. My name is Johnny." He restated.

She nodded and removed the lid over the plate. The smell of spaghetti filled the room and her patient's stomach announced it was ready to be filled. Again his cheeks stained red and she laughed, "Well somebody agrees this sure smells good." She carefully cut the noodles until she could get a fair portion on the spoon then lifted it. Johnny obliged her by opening his mouth and they settled into a routine. After several bites, Johnny stopped and frowned, then looked her in the eye. "Is this from here?"

She looked at him in confusion. He tried to explain, "This spaghetti. Is this what everyone got from the kitchen?"

She shrugged as she offered him some milk. "I don't rightly know. I was just told this was your tray."

"Oh." He looked thoughtful as he took a bite of the bread she offered. She watched him and noticed his eyes now looked sad. "Why? Is there something wrong with it?" She sniffed over the plate, "It sure smells good. Better than most of the food served here."

"Yeah." He replied quietly, "It is. That's why I asked. It tastes like. . . ." He stopped. She fed him more and when he didn't add anything else she asked, "Tastes like what?" He still didn't answer. "Is there something wrong with it?" She pushed. He looked up at her as if just noticing her questions and gave a quick smile, "No. No. Nothing's wrong. It's great."

He ate a little more then drank his milk before resting back. She frowned, looking at the amount still on the plate. "Can you eat more?"

He shook his head. Her frown deepened. "You feelin' alright, honey?" She placed a cool hand on his forehead, feeling he was a little warm. He gave her another quick smile. "I'm fine. Just . . . just not really hungry, I guess." He shifted in his bed and smiled up at her again. "Thanks for feeding me."

She wiped his mouth carefully and tried to get him to drink more but he refused, politely, but firmly. She packaged the remainder, throwing glances at him where he'd settle back, his eyes again closed. "Shelly will be in to give you your medicine, Mr. Gage."

That got his eyes open and a faint crooked grin as he shook his head. She smiled and amended, "Johnny." He gave her a wink, then closed his eyes again. As she was headed out the door, she heard him give a heavy sigh.

Shelly looked up as Lucy slid the tray into the cart and walked slowly over toward her. "Well?"

Lucy looked up, "He's not a biter, or spitter, or a complainer." She stated.

Shelly laughed, "I told you that." Then she looked serious as Lucy continued to look pensive. "Ok. What else went on, Lucy."

Lucy looked up, her golden eyes troubled, "He was polite, cooperative . . ."

"But . . ."

Lucy took a deep breath, "But he only ate about a cupful of the spaghetti, a few bites of the bread and drank half the milk before he said he was done. He felt a little warm but insisted he was fine."

Now it was Shelly's turn to look troubled. Lucy shook her head, "I can't help but get the feeling that young man is one very sad fellow."

Shelly frowned as she recalled Gretchen's briefing. She gathered the prescribed meds and told Lucy. "I'll check on him." She found Johnny half asleep and for all her teasing, only got mild reactions. His temperature was just slightly up from earlier in the day and she noted that in his chart. He'd fallen back asleep before she left the room. The other patients on the floor kept them busy for the rest of the evening but either Lucy or Shelly checked on Johnny several times during the shift. Each time they urged him to drink, which he did with reluctance but didn't eat again.

When the shift changed again, Shelly made sure the head nurse knew. To her relief, the nurse on duty was Hilda Jenkins who normally worked in ICU. She smiled as Shelly briefed her. "I know Johnny. Don't worry, I'll take good care of him." And so the night passed. Johnny drank each time they woke him but refused food. A few times when Hilda came in, she found him staring blankly at the wall opposite his bed but whenever she asked if he needed anything, he'd would only shake his head and give a wan smile before turning back to his inner contemplations.

Johnny tried to sleep as much as he could, and fortunately his still weakened body cooperated. But, for more hours than he wanted, sleep eluded him. As it did, he was forced to think. "I know that spaghetti was Mike's." He grumbled to his empty room. "I know it was. There's no way it wasn't. And if that was Mike's then I bet Roy brought it in." He frowned deeply, wanting desperately to cross his arms over his chest. The aggravation at not being able to accomplish that move made him more irritated. "He's been checking up on me." But even as he said it, he realized that if that were the case, Roy didn't need to come in; a phone call to the desk would give him any information. And being listed as Johnny's next of kin, they would tell him. He sighed deeply. Somehow knowing that Roy had been there, right there just outside his door, and hadn't come in, made him feel somehow . . . lost. With a heavy heart, he realized his friend was doing exactly as Johnny had asked him. Roy was staying away, even as he did what he could to make sure he—Johnny—was still cared for.

And so Friday passed and Saturday began. For breakfast, Johnny was fed a tray from the kitchen supplemented with pudding from the food Roy left. He only ate a few bites of toast, drank a half cup of coffee and finished half the pudding. His mid-morning snack passed the same way. Each nurse duly charted his intake and his moods. And Johnny became more withdrawn as the hours passed.

When lunch time came, more containers of food were taken from the bag Roy had brought the day before and heated up for him. Again he barely made a dent in the food offered him, drank most of his drink, then fell asleep. Again this was noted in his chart.

When Dixie came to visit her friend that afternoon, she was told all this. She frowned. "Where is Roy?" she growled under her breath. "This time, this time I'll not stand by while he pulls his little . . . What!?!" Gretchen had put her hand on her friend's arm, and getting her attention, she slowly shook her head.

"Don't blame Roy." She said. Dixie stared at her friend, then forced herself to take a deep breath and calm down. Once she felt in better control, she nodded and Gretchen explained what she'd seen, what both Johnny and Roy had said and what she suspected happened. Dixie listened, her heart growing more heavy as she listened. Once Gretchen finished she sighed, "Yes. I think you're probably right." She agreed. "Knowing those two like I do, it sounds like that's probably what happened." She met her friend's gaze and gave a faint shrug, "So. What do we do now?"

Gretchen echoed the gesture, "Not much we can do. This is their business. All we really can do is support them and give whatever help they want when they need."

Dixie nodded, knowing she was right, but disliking it. She looked down the hallway toward room #3. "Has Roy been here yet?"

Gretchen shook her head. "He called this morning to check on him and said something about being in after he got back from camp?"

Dixie gave a faint smile and a nod, "Scout camp. I forgot his oldest has been at Boy Scout Camp all week. They must have gone to pick him up today." She again looked toward the room where the paramedic lay. "This will be a shock for Chris." She turned to Gretchen and explained, "Both Roy's boy and girl call Johnny their Uncle and they treat him like one. Johnny couldn't love those kids more if they were blood relation to him."

Gretchen nodded in agreement. She'd already seen the way both Roy and his wife treated their friend and could imagine the children. She gave a nod toward Johnny's room. "I sent a student nurse in there about ten minutes ago with some milk and cookies from Roy. I was hoping he'd maybe eat them; he hasn't eaten much of anything today or yesterday for that matter."

Dixie smiled at her friend, "Think I'll go see if I can help persuade him to eat. Thanks Gretch, for looking out for him."

Gretchen hmphed, "Baby. Nothing but a infant, of course I gotta look after him." She grumbled as she made her way back to the desk and the waiting charts. Dixie chuckled at her friend's usually complaints as she made her way to Johnny's room. Once there, she pushed the door open, calling out, "Johnny?"

Johnny sat in his bed, his body propped up with several pillows, his tray pulled in close to his chest and his gaze fixed on the plate in front of him. Johnny had barely noticed when the student nurse told him, "Ummm. I'll be right back. I gotta go check something." and quickly left. His focus was on the plate of cookies she had placed before him, his mind lost in memories. As he looked at the cookies, he thought about the other foods he'd been offered over the last several days. He suspected they were dishes cooked by his friends, he had his suspicions on where the food was coming from. He careful leaned forward to look as closely at the cookie as possible, his breath coming a little faster.

Part of him was nervous, part of him was excited and all of him was anxious to see if he was correct. Just then a figure came through the door. "Johnny?" A glance around proved no one else in the room and Dixie frowned wondering where the student nurse had gone. She moved forward. She looked at the figure hunched as far forward as possible with his restrained arms, staring at something on the tray in front of him.

Stepping closer, she saw the glass of milk, complete with a straw, and a small plate filled with cookies. She frowned, "That should be filed under cruel and unusual punishment, placing those things in front of you like that, then leaving." She grumbled as she hurried to his side. She lifted the glass and placed the straw near his lips but rather than drink, he asked, "Dixie, could you hold up one of the cookies so I can see it?"

Bewildered over the strange request, she never-the-less did as he asked. She watched his face as his eyes flicked back and forth, his brows drawn downward in a frown. Then he sighed heavily, "A star." He sank back into the bed, closing his eyes.

Dixie watched him, more than confused and more than a little concerned, "Johnny?" She made his name a question.

"They're peanut butter cookies—with chocolate kisses in them." He murmured, his voice sounding sad and tired.

Dixie looked at the cookie still in her hand, "Yes. I can see that."

He continued as if he hadn't heard her, "When you make peanut butter cookies, it seems to be a tradition to push down the batter with a fork."

She smiled as she placed the cookie back on the plate and sat on his bedside, "Yes, I know. I've always seen it done that way and I do it that way myself. Why?"

Another sigh and his voice sounded fainter as he answered, "Those have a star, not a cross."

She looked and sure enough each cookie was marked by four fork marks, not the usual two in a cross pattern. A mostly melted chocolate kiss sat in the middle of each. She turned back to the paramedic. "Yes, I can see that, Johnny." She waited for some explanation on why this seemed significant but Johnny remained silent, his eyes closed, his face expressionless.

In his mind he saw Jenny holding a plate of cookies out to him, a smile on her face as her eyes shone with love. "I made these just for you, Uncle Johnny. I know how much you love them. Momma helped me but I made the fork marks. See? It's a star, not a cross, so's you'll know it was from me. It's like the star on the pretty blanket you showed me at your house that you said your grandmother gave you when you were born."

He took a slow deep breath but it stuttered in his chest. Dixie frowned at the forlorn sound. She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and again said, "Johnny? Are you alright?"

He opened his eyes and swallowed hard, "I'm . .. I'm fine Dix." She held a cookie out to him but he shook his head, "Not right now. I'm not hungry." He closed his eyes again, "I . . . I'm a little tired. Think I'll take a lil' nap."

Dixie watched him carefully. She'd seen the shine to his eyes when he'd looked at her and wondered what had caused the tears she knew that represented. She patted his shoulder as she stood. "Ok then Phoenix. I'll put these away and you can have them later."

"Thanks." He whispered. She picked up the plate and milk and headed toward the door. A soft, "Dix?" stopped her. She looked back at the figure in the bed. Johnny had turned his head toward her and was now looking at her, his eyes intense.

"Yes Johnny?"

"The food everyone one's been feeding me . . . it's not from the kitchen."

She shook her head, her eyes keeping firm contact with his.

"Where's it coming from?" He asked.

"From many places, Johnny. You have many friends and they all want you to get better."

Johnny sighed again. He knew Dixie had given him a straight answer. He recognized several dishes and was pretty sure of their creators—from Momma Lopez's Arroz con Pollo to Mike's spaghetti. He was also fairly sure Dixie knew what he was really asking and was making him come out and say it in plain English.

"Yeah, I know." He allotted then plunged on, "What I meant was . . . how's it getting here? Who's bringing it in?" He knew the food was fresh; it didn't have the taste foods get from being in a fridge.

Dix's blue eyes held his firmly, "I think you know the answer to that as well, Johnny." She opened the door as she said, "You sleep now. I'll see you later."

He closed his burning eyes with a heavy sigh. He did know the answer to that and it only made his heart hurt more. Bur before he could dwell on that too much, his still weakened body pulled him under and he slept.

Saturday morning found the DeSoto's up early and breakfasted. Jenny was excited that they were going to get Chris and kept up a steady stream of chatter as they got ready. Even when they were in car, she continued, causing her mother and father to exchange glances and patient sighs. As the car left the highway and began making its way down the gravel road leading to the camp, silence finally filled the vehicle.

Before long the road led to a gravel parking area filled with a variety of cars, most with doors, hatches and trunks open. Beyond that several cabins peeked out from the trees centered around a large clearing. In the center of the clearing were several logs loosely circled around a large fire pit. Boy Scouts, in various combinations of uniform, wandered around the grounds; some accompanied by family members, some just grouped together.

Roy parked the station wagon and Jenny immediately opened her door with a shout of, "I see Chris!"

Before either parent could order the child not to run off, Chris came running up to the car. "Mom! Dad! C'mon! Ya gotta come see what I did! C'mon!" He pulled at the door as his parents laughed.

"Slow down Chris!" Roy chuckled, "Let me get out of the car first." Again the two parents exchanged smiles at their son's exuberance. Jenny had left the car and was jumping up and down near her brother, her mouth going a mile a minute. For the most part Chris ignored his sister, his attention on his parents who, in his opinion, were being much too slow getting out of the car.

As soon as his father's feet hit the ground, Chris swooped in and grabbed his hand, pulling him off toward the woods. "C'mon Dad! I want you to see the rope bridge we made!" With a shared chuckle with his wife, Roy let his son pull him away, listening to his excited chatter and feeling the worries of the week melt from him. For just a few minutes, he could forget everything else that was going on and allow his son's excitement to fill him. A glance behind him on the trail confirmed that Jo had corralled Jenny and they were following them.

Along the path Chris proudly identified the plants and trees around them. Roy had no idea if what his son was saying was right, and a pang of guilt hit him as he realized his partner would know. His partner was always at home in the outdoors, came the thought, then he pushed that notion aside once more. Chris showed the new path they had marked, along with the new rope bridge. Jo watched it sway and shuddered. "There's no way you'd ever get me on that!" She whispered to her husband who grinned and nodded.

Jenny critically looked at the bridge and announced, "Uncle Johnny would like that." She looked around the woods surrounding them and nodded, "Uncle Johnny would like all of this." Roy placed his hand on the little girl's shoulders and when she looked up, he gave her a smile and a nod. Jo placed an gentle hand on his arm and gave it a squeeze.

Chris had turned at Jenny's announcement and had opened his mouth to tell her to shut up about Johnny when he saw his father's reaction. He watched the sad look fill his father's eyes rather than the anger he expected. Then he watched his mother and something inside of him turned cold with trepidation.

Roy looked around and sighed. "This is all very nice Chris, and I'm glad you had a great time but we really need to get your stuff loaded and I need to talk to Mr. Shultz before we head back." Chris nodded and the family headed back toward the main area. Chris trotted off back to his cabin, accompanied by his sister while Jo stopped to talk to another mother and Roy announced, "There's Bob Shultz. I'll be back soon," before walking away.

As Chris made sure he had everything back in his backpack, Jenny stood next to him commenting on the different projects and 'souvenirs' her brother was packing. Chris, for the most part, was ignoring her, his mind on what he'd seen earlier. It bewildered him that his father hadn't reacted with an edict such as, "We don't mention that name, Jenny." as he had before whenever one of them dared to say something about 'Uncle Johnny'. "Something's changed," he mused aloud, "Something must have happened." Then something Jenny said caught his attention. "What?"

Jenny pulled up a plaster neck slide with a scout emblem painted gold and turned it over and over in her hand. "I was saying I hope Uncle Johnny can come back to our house soon. Doctor Brackett said he needed to rest and eat a lot to get better and I promised to help and I can't help him if he's not there."

Chris blinked as he digested the words. He wasn't sure what to make of what he'd seen and what his sister was babbling about. But he figured if he just let her talk, and he watched, he could figure things out. He'd done that before and often found he could figure things out better than when he asked and was given 'parent-type' answers. So he baited his sister with, "Uncle Johnny was at our house?"

Jenny looked at him, her eyes bright as she launched off on the subject. She told her brother all about their mother bringing Johnny home to help him heal from injuries gotten at work. She described the awful wounds that covered their uncle's body, how he couldn't even feed himself and how she had helped him. Chris listened carefully to what she said and made his own assumptions for what she didn't. He was so absorbed in these thoughts he didn't notice that Jenny was unwrapping the packet made out of his handkerchief. "Oh Wow!" She gushed, "Chris! This is neat!" She traced the beadwork stitched to the leather with one finger. "What is it?"

Chris looked over at what she held and snatched it from her hand. His own finger traced the different colored beads making up the multi-pointed star and the turtle with a its shell a circle divided into four quarters, each colored differently beneath it. "It's a knife sheath."

Jenny looked at him, her expression puzzled. "But you're not a allowed to carry a knife. Daddy said you couldn't have a knife until you turned 11 or got your totin' chip card."

Chris frowned at her as he rewrapped the sheath then shoved it deep into his pocket. "Yeah. So. I know." He stumbled. Thinking fast he shrugged nonchalantly and added, "We had to make something for leatherworking and all the keyholders were gone and there was no way I was gonna make a purse. This was all that was left." He crossed his fingers at that little lie. It had been true for the most part, but he'd wanted to make the sheath ever since the last camp-out he'd had with his father and his Uncle Johnny.

Johnny had showed the young boy the Buck knife he always carried with him and had even let the boy handle it. At that moment, he was showing Chris how to careful shave off pieces of dry sticks to use as tinder for their fire. Roy came up on them and frowned, "Johnny, I don't think that's a good idea."

Johnny looked over at his friend and smiled, "Don't worry Roy. I'm keeping an eye on him."

Roy's frown didn't let up. "I don't think he's old enough yet."

Johnny moved closer to his friend, dropping his voice though Chris could still hear him. "I'm not giving it to him, Roy. I'm just showing him how to properly handle a sharp blade. He's not too young to learn that; you're never too young to learn safety."

Roy sighed as he had to agree with his partner. Chris looked up at his uncle, "How old were you when you got your first knife, Uncle Johnny?"

Johnny gave his friend a quick glance before reaching his hand out for his knife. "I'd best put that back now, Chris."

Roy looked at his friend, knowing why he was suddenly acting nervous and gave a rueful smile. "Might as well go ahead and tell him, Johnny. He'll pester us both until you do."

Johnny slipped the knife into the black leather sheath hanging off his belt and set about taking the sticks they'd collected and arranging them into a teepee form within the fire pit. He mumbled something and Chris frowned and asked, "What?"

Johnny sighed and answered louder, "I was almost seven." At Chris's nonverbal expression of indignation, Johnny quickly continued, "But you have to understand Chris, I lived in a completely different society than you do."

"Yeah," Chris's voice held his indignation as he glared at his father, who was staring at his partner in surprise. "You had a father that trusted you."

Johnny was shaking his dark head and spoke up before Roy could answer, "No Chris. That's not it at all. Your father trusts you but that has nothing to do with this. A knife, like a gun, isn't a toy; it's a tool. I'd learned to handle a knife by the time I was five, a gun by the time I was 8. That's because using both meant the difference between eating that winter or not. That was the way I was raised. I learned how to use them properly because an extra set of hands was always needed when it came time to dressing a carcass. That was my society. In your society, you get food from the store already processed. The need to use a knife isn't as necessary. Your father has the right to restrict you until you learn to handle it properly." Johnny had been striking the flint and steel while he spoke. Now he bent back to the pile he'd created and blew gently at the smoking pile of wood shavings at it's base. Soon a flame appeared and he tended it until it grew strong enough then pushed it under the teepee of wood. The wood there caught fire as well, growing stronger and bigger as he gradually fed it larger branches.

Chris had watched as his uncle worked, fascinated by his actions as well as his words. He couldn't image not having all the food he wanted available at the local quickmart. Roy, too, watched and listened to his companion, ever amazed at the little tidbits he learned of his friend's past. "Must have been hard, junior." He said as he laid a hand on his friend's shoulder.

Johnny didn't face his friend, his gaze was focused on the flames but his mind was in the past. He gave a faint shrug, "Not really. At least, not that I noticed at the time. I had my grandfather and my father and they were with me the whole time, teaching me. That's all I really understood back then. Later though I . . ." His voice faded off and Roy frowned at the sad look that filled his young partner's dark eyes.

Chris broke the moment by calling, "Uncle Johnny?" Both men turned to see Chris holding Johnny's knife out in the palm of his hand. Johnny frowned, his hand going to the pouch on his belt. "Huh? I thought I . . ."

Roy, too, was frowning as he looked closer at the pouch. He was in a better position to see it then Johnny. "Looks like your pouch has worn out there, junior." He fingered the frayed area and loose stitching. Johnny took the blade from Chris, saying "Thank you" and grinned when Chris didn't release the blade until he did. He slipped it into his back pocket as he gave Chris another grin. "Thanks Chris, for finding it. I'd sure hate to have lost it out here. I'd probably never found it again."

"Hi Mommy! Do you see Chris's bed? He said it's not a bed; it's a rack. Isn't that what daddy calls his bed at the station?" Jenny's voice brought Chris back from his trip into the past. His hand snuck back into his pocket, feeling the beadwork he'd made on the knife sheath. Mr. Reynolds, the scout leader in charge of crafts, had helped him carefully design, cut out and assemble the leather for the sheath, then helped him figure out the pattern for the beadwork. Chris had hoped to give it to his Uncle Johnny on his upcoming birthday. He glanced over at his father, his face changing into a frown as he pondered that now.

Other boys had come into the cabin shared by Troop 335 and now packed up their own gear as Chris finished with his. Roy nodded to Jenny's question, "Yes Jenny, we call our beds either racks or sometimes bunks."

"Hi Mr. DeSoto."

Roy turned at the soft voice and found himself staring into deep brown eyes set in a deeply tanned face with dark hair hanging nearly in the eyes. He smiled, recognizing the boy. "Hello, Neal, isn't it?"

The boy gave a shy smile and nodded. Roy's smile broadened into a grin. "Did you get your first aid badge, Neal?" He remembered the conversation he'd had with the young patrol leader while they were making bandages for this past week.

The brown eyes sparkled as he nodded again. The motion knocked the heavy bangs into his eyes and he reached a hand up to push them back; a hand Roy noticed was heavily bandaged. He frowned and pointed to it. "Ummmm, that how you earned your badge?"

Neal's cheeks reddened as Chris turned, becoming aware of the conversation. "No Dad. That's how he got another badge. Mr. Reynolds said he's gonna write Neal up for an award! You shoulda seen it; it was so cool Dad. The wood in the fire pit started popping and jumping around and then started to explode! Pieces of it were flying around, landing on people. One big chunk landed right between Scout Master Reynolds and his little girl who was visiting last night at the campfire and it caught her jacket on fire. Neal grabbed the wood with his bare hand and threw it back into the fire, ripped her jacket from under her where she was sitting on it, pushed her away from it and threw it on the ground and stomped on it until it was out. He didn't even say nothing about his hand until Mrs. Hendricks, that's the camp nurse, came over to check on Amy, that's Mr. Reynolds's daughter, and she noticed he was holding his hand funny." Chris finally took a breath and grinned in admiration of his older friend.

Cheeks red with embarrassment, Neal looked at his hand and picked at the edges of the gauze. "It wasn't no big deal. I just did what they told us about fire."

Roy reached out and placed a hand on the young man's shoulder. The dark head slowly rose and brown eyes stared up at him. Roy smiled and squeezed the slender shoulder. "I'd say it was a big deal. I'd say that was very quick thinking."

Those brown eyes blinked then a grin stretched the lips as the eyes lit with gratitude. "Thank you, Mr. DeSoto." Someone called his name and Neal's head turned in answer. The boy looked back up at the paramedic. "I hafta go. I'll see ya later Chris. Nice to see you again, Mrs. DeSoto, Mr. DeSoto." and with that the lithe pre-teen ran off.

Roy watched him go and felt his wife curl up in his arm. "Kinda reminds you of somebody, doesn't he." She softly stated. Roy nodded. "A lot, Jo. I thought that when he was helping me with Andy's burns." He replied then frowned, wondering briefly about his friend. He knew Johnny had never been in anything like scouting. Johnny had once scoffingly told him that the kind of stuff they taught young boys in Scouts for badges he'd learned in real life situations. Roy also knew that by Neal's age, John Gage had been an orphan.

Not knowing what her husband was thinking, but suspecting the direction, she nodded. She remembered what he'd told her later, that young Neal had so reminded him of his partner, he'd even mistakenly called the younger man by his partner's name. Then she looked over at Chris and asked, "Do you have everything now?"

Chris fingered the sheath in his pocket, making sure it was still there as he looked around the nearly empty cabin. "Yeah, Mom. I think so."

"Well then, let's head home. Shall we?" Roy said as he gathered his family and they headed toward the car. Once everything was packed inside and good-byes were said, the DeSoto family headed back home. Not surprisingly, Jenny soon fell asleep and Chris remained quiet, his gaze focused out his window.

As Roy pulled the wagon into the garage, he bumped something with the fender. He frowned as he recognized the wheelchair from Rampart. "Oh, the wheelchair. I forgot about that." He muttered. Jo sleepily looked out and caught what her husband said. He looked at her and sighed, "I'll take it back this evening." She nodded silently and laid a hand on his arm. "I miss Johnny too." She told him softly.

Neither one noticed Chris watching them intently from the backseat. The two adults got the children out of the car and Chris's stuff unloaded. "Chris, unpack your backpack and put all your dirty clothes in the laundry room for me please." Jo said as she headed into the house.

"Ok." Chris said as he grabbed up the pack. As he walked into the kitchen, he saw the stack of strange, clean dishes on the counter. His mother was looking into the fridge and he could see other dishes filled with food within.

"Roy? We still have plenty of food left. How about some ham and scalloped potatoes for supper?" She called out to where Roy was placing the wheelchair into the back of the wagon.

"That sounds good." He answered and Chris moved off toward his room as his father entered the kitchen. Roy joined his wife at the fridge and looked over the selections within. "Is there enough for Johnny and us?"

Jo gave him a rueful look. "There is more than enough. I'll package some of that up for him and some of the casserole from Maggie. I made banana pudding this morning for him with slices in it. I'll put some vanilla wafers in a baggie too. He loves banana pudding and vanilla wafers."

Roy nodded.

Upstairs, Chris had finished sorting out his dirty clothes and made his way downstairs. He put the clothes into the dirty clothes hamper by the washer, noticing the sweat pants his mother kept for Johnny in there as well. He looked carefully around, heard his parent's voices coming from the kitchen and snuck on down the hall to the sun room.

Once inside, he looked around, noting the made bed, but also the thermometer, the pad of paper and his father's medical kit beside it. He walked closer and saw the neat columns of numbers written on the pad and recognized them as times and someone's temp. He also saw the small dark brown bag he knew Johnny kept his shaving gear in. He'd seen it often enough on their family campouts. His father's kit was black. He realized his sister had been right. His Uncle Johnny had been here so it was also probably right that he'd been taken to the hospital by ambulance. His head dropped to his chest and his feet dragged as he turned and made his way back up the stairs to his room.

He stayed there even as he heard his father leave, going to the window to watch the wagon drive away. He just knew his father was making the discussed trip to the hospital. It wasn't very long before he pulled back into the garage. And soon after that Jo called the family to dinner.

Chris ate what was on his plate, even if he wasn't really that hungry. He knew if he didn't his mother would get upset and the last thing he wanted to do now, was upset his mother. After supper, he and Jenny cleaned up the kitchen and he asked if he could go ahead and take his bath early.

Roy nodded as he ruffled his son's hair. "Bet you've missed a good bath, haven't you." Chris nodded and gave his father a wan smile. "It'll be nice not to share a big metal basin with twelve other guys to clean up with." He wrinkled his nose in memory, "That thing looked like a horse's trough with faucets."

Then he stopped, sadness on his face as the thought of horses brought his Uncle back to his mind. With a heavy sigh and drooped shoulders, he headed off. As Chris headed down the hall to the laundry room for towels, he stopped, staring at the wall. He looked closer then began looking all along the hallway. They were back. All the pictures of Johnny, those with the family, those of him shot by his father or his mother and those that Johnny had taken of the family—all of them were back in the places they had been. Chris dropped his head again, got the towels and with heavy feet and an ache in his chest, headed off to his bath.

Roy and Jo watched him go. "Do you think he's ok?" Roy mused.

Jo nodded and gave her husband a peck on the cheek. "I think so. I think he's just tired now that he's home. He's had a busy week and I bet they didn't get much sleep in that cabin."

Roy chuckled. "You're probably right." He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down with a sigh.

Jo poured one for herself and looked at him expectantly. Finally she asked, "So?"

Roy shrugged. "I didn't see anyone I knew. I gave the bag to some CNA and left again." He took a sip of the coffee. "Gretchen is working days this weekend. I'll talk to her tomorrow." Jo nodded and the two drank their coffee in silence. After the cups were nearly empty, Jo spoke again. "Roy. I think it's best you tell Chris tonight."

Roy nodded. His wife had told him about the fight between the children over Roy's ban on all things Johnny. He knew he needed to explain things to his son. "I will. When his bath is done." Jo rinsed her cup and left. Soon Roy could hear her in the laundry room and knew she was sorting the laundry. She'd begin washing the clothes as soon as the children's baths were finished.

Jo heard the water shut off in the upstairs bath, then the sound of Chris's door shutting and called out, "Jenny? Chris is done. I want you in that bathroom in five minutes."

"OK, Mommy." Came the little girl's voice from the den. She heard the TV switched off then Jenny's feet running up the stairs even as Roy barked out, "Walk young lady!"

She put the first load into the machine so all she had to do was turn it on, grabbed some towels and left. As she passed the kitchen, she paused near her husband. "Roy? Now would be a good time."

He sighed and nodded as he got to his feet. He rinsed out his cup, placed it into the sink and together the two parents headed upstairs.

Chris was sitting at his desk when his father first knocked on the doorframe then entered his room. He put the pencil down on the paper he'd been writing on and looked at his father.

Roy shifted uncomfortably as he looked around his son's room. "Bath felt good?" he finally lamely asked.

Chris nodded.

"Bet it'll feel good to sleep in your own bed again too, right?"

Again just a silent nod. Roy sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. "Chris, I need to talk to you about something." He began. Chris looked at him expectantly. Roy took a moment to really look at his child. He noticed Chris's face was tanned darker from the week of being outside and his blue eyes watched his father with intelligence. He sighed, '_**He's growing up; he's not such a little boy any more. No more stammering around. The boy knows something is going on**_.' he told himself and began, "Chris, I love you and your sister very much."

"I know that, dad." Chris said softly. Roy nodded, "Good. I have to tell you that it hurts me to see one of you hurt. I know it's not possible but a dad would rather himself be hurt than to see his child hurt. OK?"

Chris frowned in puzzlement but nodded. He guessed that was true but he had no idea where this was leading. Roy picked up on of the metal fire trucks from the nearby shelf and fiddled with the tires. "Chris, when your mother and I left for our anniversary and John Gage was here and Jenny got hurt . . ." He paused at the look on his son's face and hurried to say, "I don't regret Johnny being here. In fact other than your mother or I there's no one I think better capable of taking care of you and your sister. He did everything exactly as I would have if I'd been here."

"Then why'd you get so mad at him?" Chris remembered the tense scene he and Mike Stoker had walked into a month ago. He could still see his father's fists twisted into the material of the younger man's shirt as he shook his partner, his angry face inches from the man he'd called friend as he screamed at him. Chris had been sure that in the next move, his father would throw the slighter man he held backward away from him. Mike Stoker had intervened and gotten his father to release Johnny but his father's anger was obvious. And from that moment on, his father never mentioned his partner's name, had removed all evidence of his part in their family and had forbid the rest of them to talk about John Gage. That was how it was when Chris had left for camp.

Roy sighed again and nodded, "I was mad and wrongly, I'll admit, blamed it on him. Johnny didn't do anything to deserve my anger. I really was mad at myself, Chris. See? I was feeling guilty about not being here to take care of your sister when she was hurt. And in order to make myself feel better, I tried to make sure I was there . . .for everything." He looked up and caught his son's eyes. "Do you understand?"

Chris shrugged. It kinda made sense, he guessed, but it didn't explain what happened. Roy continued, "A lot of people made me see what I was doing wrong, Mike Stoker, Bob Shultz were two, as well as your mother." He looked back down at the truck and took a deep breath coming up to the hard part. "Johnny got hurt at work and he developed an infection. Your mother brought him here because he couldn't take care of himself. We talked. And I apologized to him for the way I'd been acting." He again sought out his son's sad gaze, "Now I'm apologizing to you, son. I know that my actions confused you and I'm sorry. I know about the fight you had with your sister and I want you to know, it was alright for you to still care for Johnny. Even as badly as I was treating him—everyone really, I still cared deeply for him."

Chris watched his father, saw the sad look in his father's eyes. "Did he forgive you?"

Roy gave a short laugh and nodded. "He said he did." He remembered the brief discussion in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

After several long moments Chris added, "I knew about that, Dad, and about him going back to the hospital. Jenny told me." Roy nodded still silently contemplating the truck in his hands. He recognized it as one that Johnny had given Chris for a birthday. "Chris, " he started, "Johnny . . ."

"You don't need to say anymore, Dad. I know." Chris cut him off.

Roy looked at his son a little bewildered, "You do?"

Chris nodded. Roy felt relieved he didn't have to go into what was going on right now with Johnny. If Jenny had talked with Chris then she would have told him what she was told. Both Jo and Roy had left this latest development in the relationship out, hoping to get it straightened out soon without having to tell the children.

Father and son sat there for several more long moments then Roy stood up with another sigh. "Better head to bed, son. We're going to church in the morning." Chris nodded and watched his father's slumped figure leave the room before he moved over and plopped onto his bed.

As he sat on the edge of the bed, Chris thought over all the things he'd heard and seen. He reached under his mattress and pulled out his photo album. He carefully turned the pages until he reached the ones of photos from that camping trip. He examined each, Johnny standing behind him, grinning broadly as he helped Chris hold up the large fish the boy had caught. Chris and his father looking out over a sparkling clear bend in the river. Johnny, his body bent nearly in half as he pounded in the tent pegs. Each one held so many wonderful memories.

He pulled the sheath out of his pocket and carefully laid it next to the book as he went through each picture. Then the final picture, one Johnny had set his camera to take so they were all three in it. The tent sat in the back ground, Roy and Johnny sat on a log, arms over each other's shoulders. Chris sat in front of them, and each man had a hand on his shoulder as well. All three were grinning broadly, although Chris could see that Johnny's grin was extra large and his eyes sparkled with a hint of mischievousness, Chris's was just this side of bursting into hysterics and his father's eyes held just the very beginnings of puzzlement and his eyes were just widening in shock. Right before the camera had clicked, Johnny had whispered something to Roy. Chris wasn't sure what it was, but he'd heard his father's quick intake of breath, heard his startled, "GOOD GOD JOHNNY!" just as the camera clicked. It was Chris's favorite picture.

As he stared at it, something wet struck the plastic surface and slid down it. More drops fell and Chris closed his eyes, grabbed his pillow and buried his head into it's softness as he mourned for the man he'd called Uncle.

The wheelchair—being returned because it was no longer needed; it's user not returning, the medical gear still in the sun room but repacked in his father's jump bag, all the food in the house brought over by other people—he knew there were two reasons people brought food to somebody's house and his mother hadn't just had a baby. Then there were his father's sad looks and his mother's comment of "I miss Johnny too." In his mind it all added up to only one thing. Uncle Johnny was dead.


	37. Chapter 37

Ok, here's the next chapter. I had a real quandary over this one as I had over 50 pages and wasn't finished. Sooo after debating (and a consult with Ginger-- Thanks again!) I decided to break it up into two chapters. Here's the first, hope you like it!

* * *

Gretchen walked into SICU room #3 pushing a tray loaded with equipment and grinned brightly at the sleepy brown eyes that peered at her. "Rise and shine Buttercup, it's a beautiful day!"

Johnny closed one eye as he angled his head toward the window. He turned back toward the nurse and raised one brow at her. "Looks the same as yesterday." He mumbled.

"Well it's not. It's Sunday, the Lord's Day, the start of a whole new week." Gretchen commented as she pulled the tray along side her patient's bed. Johnny sighed and closed his eyes, "I've already said my morning prayers." he muttered.

Gretchen laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and when he opened his eyes, she smiled softly at him, "I'm sure you have, John Gage." She held his eyes as he blinked in confusion at her. Then she pulled out the BP cuff. "Let's get some info for your chart first, shall we?"

"That chart has too much in it now, I'm sure." He groused then frowned as she stuck a thermometer into his mouth, effectively putting an end to his complaints. She finished gathering his vital signs and marking them down before she finally removed the thermometer. She sighed, "Still not broken 101. 101.4"

Johnny gave a one shoulder shrug. Gretchen removed the towel over the basin and began washing her patient. Johnny closed his eyes, allowing her gentle strokes to soothe him. She carefully washed him, changed his gown and bedding then applied lotion to his wounds just as she had before. Johnny looked up at her as she said, "There. Feel better?" and stood back.

He gave her a half hearted grin. "Yeah, thanks."

She smiled back and patted his face. "Feeling a little scruffy there too, Johnny. How about a shave?"

He nodded. She pulled out a can and shook it. Before long she had foamed his face and then began running a straight razor up and down a leather strap. He eyed her warily. "Ummm, Gretchen? Umm, you do know how to use that, right?"

She laughed, "Liebchen, I was shaving young men's faces before your Daddy was born."

Johnny's expression clearly told her he doubted her words but he didn't pull back as she reached for his face. She smiled, "Relax. No one yet has lost anything vital from my shaving."

"There's always the first time," he mumbled as she wiped the razor clean. But her motions were quick and sure and soon she was wiping his face clean, then reapplying the lotion to the cuts on his face.

She stepped back and smiled at him, "There now. You look better. All spiffyed up and ready to face your day."

He gave her a wan smile and shifted in his bed. She stood there a moment, just looking at him. Mentally she shook her head, concerned over this young man who had wormed his way into her starched khaki heart. His vitals had stabilized but weren't improving. The infection in his hand appeared to be abating, but slowly. And that fever still clung tenaciously to him. Overall, he was not getting worse but he wasn't getting better; he was just existing. And she knew from past experience that wouldn't last much longer. Patients caught in this pattern soon made one turn or another and too many of them made a sudden downward plunge. She smiled at him when he rolled his head her direction, his expression one of curiosity over her scrutiny. "Are you hungry?"

He shook his head and she frowned, "John Gage. You need to eat. Do you really want Dr. Brackett to shove yet another tube into you?"

Johnny sighed, knowing it wasn't just an idle threat. He gave her a one armed shrug, then a slow shake of his head. She patted his arm. "Let me go see what I can find for you to eat." And with that she left.

Johnny allowed his eyes to close once more and drifted off. He didn't know how long it had been when he heard his door open once more and another, different but equally cheerful voice greeted him. "I heard there was someone in here that might be wanting some breakfast?"

He turned and smiled, "'Lo Dix. What brings you in on your day off?"

She sat delicately in the chair by his bedside and placed a cool hand on his forehead. A frown flickered across her face at the heat she felt then it disappeared behind a dazzling smile and she brushed his hair off his forehead. "It's such a beautiful day and I was in the mood for a picnic."

Johnny's face held his bewilderment and Dixie laughed at his puzzled expression.

"I decided I wanted to share breakfast with my favorite patient." She pulled up a basket and placed it on her lap. She reached inside and pulled out a disposable pie tin with another taped on top. She placed that on his tray then pulled out a thermos and two cups. Next she pulled out a Tupperware container and silverware.

Johnny watched with undisguised interest. Dixie glanced at him from the corner of her eyes and gave a secretive smile as she undid the pie tins. The smell of food filled the room as she looked at the young paramedic. "Corned beef hash and scrambled eggs—heavy on the bacon crumbles and cheese." She opened the other container and showed him it's contents. "Buckwheat pancakes covered in butter, cream cheese and blueberry preserves." For once she got an nearly full Gage grin and she happily nodded, "I remember, Phoenix, I remember."

She placed a napkin over his chest and picked up the spoon. "What do you want first?"

He looked over the treats before him and said, "Eggs." She obliged and fed him several bites. As he was chewing, she asked, "Want some hash now?" He nodded and she fed him several bites then more eggs. As she raised the spoon back to his mouth, he turned his head. She frowned but he looked at her pleadingly and asked, "Coffee?"

The frown changed into a smile as she poured some of the brew into each cup. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply as she did. "Ahhhhhh."

Dixie chuckled as she held one cup to his lips. "I know that medical personal run on coffee and I'm sure you haven't had anywhere near your quota."

He swallowed as he shook his head, "Firefighter blood is half plasma—half coffee."

Dixie laughed as she tipped the cup for him again, "_**That's**_ why the stuff I take from you guys looks funny."

Now it was his turn to chuckle over the light-heartedness of the conversation. She fed him more eggs and hash then caught him looking longingly at the rolled up pancakes. She smiled and picked one up, her smile growing wider as he immediately opened his mouth. She fed the rolled up treat to him, commenting, "I remember the first time I fed these to you. We were having such a hard time getting you to eat. Your doctors were desperate to try anything. My brother loved these pancakes this way and I just had a feeling you'd like them too."

She remembered how she'd walked into the quiet room on the children's ward, noticing as she did each time how different it looked from the other rooms. No anxious parents hovered near the small bed, no toys decorated the bedside, no bright cards sat on the table or hung from the wall wishing the occupant 'get well soon.' She placed the container she carried on the bedside tray of her injured young patient, smiling as the little face turned her way. "Good morning! How are you today, Sweetie?"

No answer, but then she hadn't really expected one. This child hadn't said a word since brought up to the children's ward. "I thought I'd come in here this morning and share something very special with you, alright?" Brown eyes watched her every move as she pulled out several pancakes and laid them on a plate. "These are pancakes. Have you ever had pancakes before? I love these. My mother used to make these for my sister, my brother and I. Do you have any sisters? Or brothers?"

As usual, her charge remained silent but the dark eyes flicked to her face then back to her hands. Next she placed generous pats of butter on the still warm pancakes and smoothed it around until it melted and soaked in. Then she opened a container of cream cheese and began smearing the creamy substance over the pancakes, the heat of them melting the cheese as she spread it. That done she took a spoonful of blueberry preserves and dolloped it in the middle, mixing the fruit into the cheese. The wonderful scent filled the room and she heard a faint growling coming from the bed.

She smiled as she said, "Sounds like someone is hungry." She looked up and stopped. The brown eyes had gone wide, terror in their depths and she could see his respirations had picked up to near panting. She stopped what she was doing and placed gentle hands on the thin shoulders. "What's wrong, sweetie?" Large brown eyes looked into hers; he was clearly frightened. Again his stomach made a sound and his face blanched white. She smiled reassuringly, "It's alright little Phoenix, that's just your tummy telling you it wants food." She raised up a hand, intending to smooth the hair out of his face but froze when he flinched away.

He pulled from her and burrowed back into his blankets, curling his body as tightly into a ball as he could with his injuries. Her heart broke at the sight. She stroked his still visible hair and the general location of his back. "Oh sweetie. There's nothing here for you to ever be afraid of." As if a whispered explanation sounded in her ear, she stopped again. She closed her eyes, willing the tears that filled them not to fall. She resumed her gentle strokes as she crooned, "It's ok. It's ok to be hungry. And it's ok to eat when you are hungry. There's nothing wrong with that. We have plenty of food. Do you understand? Lots and lots of food."

His head turned slowly from the pillows and blanket cover. Brown eyes opened again and peeked at her. She straightened, making sure he was watching her. She picked up one of the pancakes, checked out of the corner of her eyes to see if he still watched her, then threw the entree into the trash can. A gasp and faint noise came from the figure in the bed and he sat up again. Then he looked up at her, his eyes wide. She shrugged, "We have plenty of food." She repeated.

He looked at the trashcan, then her, then cautiously reached for the can. Her heart broke more. She reached for his outstretched hand and he recoiled, wrapping himself back up in his blanket with a cry. She sat on the edge of the bed and pulled him into her arms, feeling his body shaking. "No, no, my little Phoenix. You haven't done anything wrong. Please, please don't be scared. We only want to help you." Slowly the shivering eased so she sat him up in the bed and reached for another pancake.

Brown eyes watched her carefully as she rolled it up, then took a small bite. She chewed, smacking her lips in exaggerated pleasure, "um, um. um. That is good." She saw the tip of his tongue come out and wet his lips, his eyes on the pancake. She angled the treat toward him, "Here. Now you take some."

Brown eyes flicked from her face, to the treat then back to her face. She pushed the treat against his mouth and insisted, "Go on. You take a bite." Slowly his lips parted and with his eyes still on her, he warily bit off a tiny amount. He chewed for the longest time, as if savoring every morsel, and finally swallowed. She smiled softly at him and nodded. "It's good, isn't it."

He gave a slow guarded nod. She urged him to take another bite but he only looked at her. When he still refused, she took another small bite herself, then offered it to him once more. Again he took a bite and repeated the slow process of savoring the food. She took one more bite then reached for his hand. He warily watched her as she placed the rest of the pancake into his unresisting hand and closed his bandaged fingers firmly around it.

She sat back and shrugged, "I'm finished. You eat the rest." He looked at her, then the pancake in his hand then back at her. She nodded. "Go on. Eat it. It's yours." He slowly raised the treat to his mouth, his eyes never leaving hers as he bit off another piece. When she made no move, he bit off more. This time he chewed and swallowed a bit quicker. She smiled at him and he took another bigger bite and again quickly swallowed it down. When she got up and settled back in her chair and made no other motions toward him, he looked at her, looked at his hand, then back at her, then his hand and suddenly shoved the remainder into his mouth.

Instinct made her want to reach for him, afraid he'd choke, but his past reactions made her believe that if she did, he'd stop eating. After trying so long and for too many unsuccessful days to get him to eat, now that he actually was, she didn't want him to stop until she was sure he was full. So she tamped down on her instincts as he greedily chewed his mouthful and swallowed. Once he was done, she took another pancake and again placed it into his hand. Brown eyes came up to fasten onto hers and never breaking contact, he slowly raised this pancake to his mouth and bit. Again she did nothing and he again wolfed it down.

She continued to place the pancakes into his hand and he continued to inhale each as soon as she showed it was meant for him. Once he'd eaten four of them by himself, she held out a carton of milk. He again drew slightly back as she stuck the tip of the straw between his lips. He merely watched her, his expression one of confusion. Guessing at the problem, she filled the straw with milk and placed her finger on the end to trap it inside. Then she raised it over him and still using that same gentle tone, told him, "Open your mouth."

He blinked at her but did as she requested, his lips trembling slightly showing his fear. She placed the straw inside and released the milk. His eyes never left hers as he closed his mouth and swallowed. His eyebrows raised and his tongue came out to wipe every last drop from his lips. She smiled, "Ah hah, you like milk, huh?" She placed the carton in his hand just like she had the pancakes. At first he was again cautious as he brought the container to his mouth but at her smile and nod of encouragement, he pushed the straw out of the way, placed the pouring spout against his lips and began to thirstily suck the milk down. His eyes closed in obvious pleasure as the cool richness flowed down his throat.

It wasn't long until he had drained the carton, tapping it and shaking it over his mouth to get every last drop. When he reluctantly placed the empty container down, she put another pancake in his hand. He ate it as eagerly as before, his eyes lighting up when she opened another carton of milk and placed it next to the empty one.

She carefully watched him, keeping a bright small on her face and nodding her encouragement each time he looked at her. Mentally she shook her head, saddened by what she'd learned, '_You poor thing. You must be half starved. Now I know why you never touched your food trays. Someone has taught you that you can't eat without permission, even if you are hungry._' She knew hospital policy was to just place the tray in front of the patient and leave, then return to get it after they were done. No wonder the food was hardly touched each time!

"Dix? Can I have more coffee?" Johnny's soft voice brought her back to the present and she quickly obliged him. "Sorry, I was just remembering the first time I fed you these pancakes."

Johnny sighed happily as she fed him another one. "You make the best pancakes, Dix." He said around a mouthful and she had to smile.

"I think you ate 8 of them that first day."

He nodded, "I was hungry."

Dixie laughed as she teased, "Johnny, for as long as I've known you, you've always been hungry." She looked at the man before her, seeing still the little boy from so long ago in different hospital bed.

All too soon, he turned his head when she offered him more food. She frowned. "Johnny? You didn't eat much."

He gave a faint shrug, then looked longingly back at the cup. She placed it once more to his lips. He drank deeply, then sat back with a sigh. "Are you sure you don't want more?" She looked over the remains of the breakfast, disappointed in the amount left. He hadn't eaten anywhere near the normal amount of food he usually did. She knew that even with complete bedrest, his high metabolism still needed fuel.

He shook his head in answer to her question then gave her a lazy grin, "Thanks, Dix. For the breakfast and for feeding me."

"You are quite welcome as always, Phoenix, and it was my pleasure." She sat back in her chair, sipping on her cup as she delicately nibbled a pancake. Johnny stared at the wall, his mouth drawn downward. After several long moments of silence, Dixie asked, "You seen Roy recently?"

Instantly she felt Johnny close up. His eyes dropped to his lap and after several long moments he gave a faint shake of his head. She watched him closely. "Your decision or his?"

Johnny sighed, "Mine. This time."

"Ahhh, I see."

Silence reigned as she sipped her coffee. She tapped his shoulder with his cup but without looking at her he shook his head. She watched him carefully then began, "Johnny. I know things haven't been right between you two for a while."

He gave a faint nod.

"And I know Roy has said he's sorry."

Again another nod.

She leaned forward and placed a hand on his arm. "Don't you believe him?"

Nothing.

Then faintly, "Yes. I . . .I do."

She nearly rolled her eyes in exasperation, "Then why isn't your good friend, who would do just about anything for you, here at your side while you're going through this?"

Again silence then, " 'Cause I'm a stubborn motor-mouthed idiot."

Dixie chuckled, "Well, I know that and I know Roy knows that too, but it's never deterred him before."

He didn't move. Dixie sighed, "Johnny. You two are a team. And as a team you work best together. Everyone who knows you two knows that that is the case whether you're at work or not." She shook his arm gently, "You need him, Johnny. And he needs you."

Again there was a long stretch of nothing then he gave a faint nod. Dix watched him a little longer, then pushed again. "So? Tell him Johnny. You know that's all he's waiting for."

He glanced at her, then out the window as he gave a heavy sigh. His eyes drooped tiredly and he tried to suppress a yawn. Taking that for a signal he was finished she gathered the plates and placed them back into the basket. She kissed his forehead and rested her hand on his still too warm cheek as he blinked slowly at her. She smiled and stroked his face, "Sleep now, my little Phoenix."

His lips curled up into a faint smile as his eyes drifted closed and his breathing evened out. She watched him for several long moments then with a sigh, left the room.

Once out of his room, Dixie slowly made her way to the nurse's desk. Gretchen looked up as Dixie leaned against it. "Well?"

Dixie shrugged, "He ate about a third of the eggs and hash and two pancakes. He drank half the coffee."

Gretchen frowned, "Still not eating?"

Dixie shook her head, "Not compared to what I know he can and usually does." She confirmed. "His temp seems up too."

Gretchen nodded, "It was. A little." She shook her head, "Just when it seems we get him headed in the right direction . . ."

Dixie gave a worried nod. "I know. I swear half the grey hairs Miss Clairol hides on my head have that young man's name stamped on them."

Gretchen chortled, "He does get to a person, doesn't he." Dixie looked back toward room #3. "Yes, he does." She took the container with the pancakes in it and gave it to Gretchen. "Here, either save them for him for later or eat them yourselves. I guess I'll head on out, I've got some things I need to do."

Gretchen smiled soothingly at her friend, "Don't worry, Army. I'm keeping watch."

Dixie returned her friend's smile. "I know." With that she left. Gretchen charted the information Dixie had told her then set about preparing the next dose of medications. She saw to each of the other patients, taking and recording vitals, doing bandage checks and changes, etc. Once they had all been administered to except Room #3 she headed off in that direction. She pushed the door open and peered at her charge. Johnny was sleeping, his face turned toward the door, the sunlight streaming in the window illuminating him. She quickly set about getting vitals and when she pushed the thermometer between his lips, she was rewarded by sleepy brown eyes.

"Just a vitals check, Johnny." She told him as she fastened the BP cuff around his arm. Once she had taken and recorded all his vitals, she set about changing his dressings. All throughout her ministrations, brown eyes stared at the far wall and he never spoke. Once she was finished, she stepped back and looked him over. '_He looks so sad._' She thought. "Johnny? Johnny look at me please."

Brown eyes slowly blinked and then gradually turned from the wall to look at her. Gretchen smiled softly at him. "Is there anything else I can get you? Some juice? More water? Anything?"

He stared at her for several heartbeats, then faintly shook his head, his gaze dropping back to his lap.

"All right." She said and stepped back then stopped, staring at him once more. She sighed heavily and turned away.

Johnny looked up just as Gretchen neared the door, "Gretchen?" The sound of his voice was so soft, Gretchen nearly didn't hear it. She turned and found a pair of watery soul-filled brown eyes looking at her. Her heart twisted at the sight of such desire and hope mixed with the blatant despair in those coffee shaded eyes. "If . . .if . . .ummm, if Roy. If he . . . If you happen . . . to see him . . . ." The voice broke off in a heavy sigh and Johnny turned his gaze back down into his lap again.

"Liebchen, look at me." She made her voice strong and commanding. Conditioned to obey voices of command, Johnny raised his head again. She smiled to soften the order. "Didn't he tell you that he'd be waiting? That all you had to do was tell him?"

Johnny nodded and sighed again, "Yeah. He did. But I think I might have blown it." He gave a weak shrug, then closed his eyes and settled back into the pillows.

Gretchen stood there for a moment, watching him then softly said, "Don't be so quick to believe that, Johnny."

No further movement came from the figure in the bed.

Now Gretchen sighed, "If I see him, I'll tell him you were asking." She said and when he made no acknowledgement, she closed the door, leaving a forlorn man very alone in the brightly lit room.

Gretchen glanced up at the clock. It was almost time for shift change and she had one last round of medicines to deliver. She'd checked on Johnny several times and each time, he remained the same; eyes down or staring at the wall, and silent. She had just finished her charting and measuring out the last dosages of medicines when a familiar voice greeted her. "'Lo Gretchen, how's everything tonight?"

Gretchen looked up and her blue eyes pierced straight into lighter blue eyes. Roy felt his heart miss a few beats at her penetrating gaze. "Ummm, Gretchen? Is everything ok?" Fear clutched his insides with a ice cold grip and he gasped out, "Johnny . .. is Johnny …?"

"He's tired. He's scared. And he's feeling mighty alone right now." Gretchen cataloged without much emotion in her voice.

Roy closed his eyes and swallowed hard. He was glad to hear that Johnny wasn't worse but the thought of his friend as Gretchen had described hurt too. "I know. But he said . . ."

"He knows what he said. And he knows you've been holding to it. He also knows it's been you who has been bringing in the food, even if he barely eats now." Gretchen broke in, her voice still hard.

Roy nodded, dropping his gaze to his shoes. "So. He's still mad. Does he still think I'm just checking up on him?"

Silence.

Roy raised his eyes to find Gretchen still pinning him with that blue stare. Then she gave him a faint smile. "Roy. He's asking."

At first Roy frowned at her, his head tilting slightly in confusion at her words. Then his eyes widened and she saw the flame of hope leap in them as the young man drew himself up taller. A smile crept hesitantly onto his face. "He . . he's asking? For me?" The words were timid, like a frightened rabbit creeping out of its safe burrow for the first time.

She nodded. Stronger now, he asked again, "He asked you. For me. He asked."

Again she nodded as the smile blossomed fully across Roy's face, lighting a fire in his eyes that had been missing for days. "Yes, Roy. He asked for me to tell you when you came in that he's ready."

"He said that? That he's ready now? He said that to you?" Roy declared.

Gretchen chuckled as she gave a shrug. "Well. Not in those exact words." She chuckled again at Roy's confused look. "He sorta stuttered it out. Halfway." She admitted. "You know how he does."

Roy's grin grew. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. I know exactly how he does." He said fondly. He looked toward the door and Gretchen pushed the sack he'd placed on the nurse's station ledge back toward him. "He's probably hungry. He didn't eat much breakfast or lunch and I've been too busy today to try to get him a snack."

Roy took the bag and took two steps toward the door. He stopped and turned back toward the head nurse. She frowned at him and made a dismissing motion with her hand, "Well? Go on! I've got other patients to take care off. Can't be spending all my time and efforts on just one. . ." She continued to grumble as she put her head back down and scribbled something on the chart in front of her.

Roy smiled broadly, hefted the sack and strode briskly toward Room #3. Gretchen watched him carefully without lifting her head, a smile on her lips.

In front of the closed door, Roy stopped again, took a deep breath, then pushed it open. As the light from the hallway spilled into the room, Roy found himself eager for the first sight of his friend.

Johnny looked just like he had when Roy last saw him three days ago. Dark tousled hair a stark contrast to a still pale and gaunt face, eyes closed, arms still stretched out from his sides and captured firmly in the braces. Roy stood there for several moments just looking at him, not wanting to wake him if he was asleep and more than a little nervous over what his greeting would be. Finally he softly spoke. "Johnny?"

Silence.

Roy bit his lip. Maybe Gretchen was wrong. Maybe she'd misunderstood. Johnny didn't want him back. He was still angry as he had every right to be. But that hope in his chest refused to die. And it was from that hope that his next words came, "Johnny. If you want me . . ."

More silence. Roy dropped his head and sighed mightily. His hand reached for the door to pull it closed and froze as a soft voice came from the bed. "My father lost his right hand."

Roy looked over at the bed but there was no movement, nothing to show the occupant had moved or spoke or anything. "Johnny?" He questioned.

"It was while he was still in the Army. Well, not his whole hand but most of it. Did I ever tell you about that?"

Roy took a deep slow breath as the hope surged within him. "No. No I don't think you did." He moved further into the room as Johnny continued.

"Yeah. He was in the Army when he first met my mom. She worked in a diner outside the base. Some place in Texas I guess. They lived at a few bases after that, including here in California then moved back to Texas." A faint grin spread across his face, "I was born there. On that base, I mean, in Texas. It was a Field Artillery unit." He gave a smirk, his eyes still closed. "Yeah. I know. Funny huh? My father, the Indian, was in the Calvary."

Roy shifted uncomfortably. Johnny turned his head and opened his eyes. Brown eyes met blue eyes and for several agonizingly long heartbeats the two stayed that way. Finally Johnny spoke, "Roy . . ."

Roy shook his head, "Don't Johnny. You don't have to say a thing."

More silent communication, then Johnny took a deep breath and held it for so long Roy watched him a little worried, but finally he let it out in a mighty sigh. He shifted his body, turning slightly toward Roy. His shoulder twitched as if he were trying to reach for his friend. His brows drew downward into a frown and instinctively Roy's hand came forward, his hand resting on Johnny's shoulder. The frown eased from Johnny's face and he settled back again.

Roy nodded as he blinked rapidly, frowning at the sudden blurriness in his vision. He stared out the window until he could see clearly again. The long silence drew out before them and Roy looked over at Johnny. Johnny's eyes had closed again and Roy thought maybe he'd drifted off. He jumped slightly when Johnny's soft voice startled him.

"He was a medic, a corpsman with the Army."

Roy perked up, "Really? So he was a 68whiskey?"

Johnny frowned and blinked his eyes back open, "Yeah. He was. Weird, huh. I'd kinda forgotten that until just now." He gave Roy a weak grin, "I guess it's in the blood too, huh? Being a medic, I mean."

Roy smiled and gently flexed the hand on his friend's shoulder, "You'll be back at it again, Johnny."

Johnny sighed and gave a small nod, "I hope to." He whispered. Roy tightened his grip and Johnny looked up at him. Roy smiled, "I know you will." He said with all the confidence he could muster. Johnny's brown eyes stared into his for several long moments then he smiled the first real full smile Roy had seen on his face in a long time. "Thank you Roy."

Roy gave him a puzzled look, "What for?"

"For still believing in me."

Roy felt his heart wrench again, "Junior, I've always believed in you."

Johnny tilted his head and looked at him askew from the corner of his eyes. "Rooooyyyyy?"

Roy could hear the cynicism in his voice and chuckled, "Yeah. Even then. I might have been spouting off a bunch of crap, but inside, I knew it was all wrong."

Johnny gave snort as he shifted again in the bed.

"You were going to tell me about your dad?" Roy encouraged him, holding his breath a little himself. In the years he'd known Johnny he could count on both hands the number of times Johnny had ever volunteered information about his own childhood. Roy knew both Johnny's parents were dead; his mother when she attempted to cross a flooded stream and the water caught and carried away her car. The memory had haunted his partner at each rescue of a car in a flood. Roy knew his father had died some time later, leaving a young Johnny in the custody of a sickly grandfather. Roy was more than ready to accept this admission of Johnny's past as the peace offering he knew it to be.

"Yeah. He was attached to an artillery unit as their corpsman." He began the story he'd heard many times as a child. "Then one day, while they were out practicing live fire maneuvers . . ."

TBC….


	38. Chapter 38

Ok. Here's the long awaited next chapter. Things are moving for our boys now. If you don't want to read a long flashback scene to Johnny's childhood, skip ahead to the last 5 or so pages. This still follows my hands theme from way back. BTW, Chaske is an endearment for a first son, and Tanagila means hummingbird. It's a nickname given him by his Grandmother explained waaay back in the first few chapters. It's NOT Johnny's Indian name.

Now, on to the story….

Chapter 38

Joseph Nathanial Gage sat at the kitchen table, staring blankly at the bandaged appendage at the end of his arm, a opened bottle of Jack Daniels in his other hand. He poured a healthy amount of the amber liquid into the glass then set the bottle back down. He tossed the pungent drink into his mouth and quickly swallowed. He grimaced at the burning in his mouth and throat, but desperate for the numbness he craved, he refilled the glass to repeat the action. He stared at the amber liquid. "Whiskey for a whiskey." He sing-songed then downed it as well. The whiskey took his breath away and he closed his eyes. As he did, the memories of the past weeks tumbled through his mind like clothes in a dryer.

He could see again the hard looks given him by the second of the two howitzer teams he'd been sent to shadow, saw in at least two of them the sneer as they looked him up and down. "whaddya want, boy."

He recognized the look, having seen it many times in his young life. He stood silent and straight, hands slightly resting on his hips and let them come to him. The leader, a scruffy looking character with corporal stripes came forward, spitting tobacco juice just shy of Joe's boot. Joe didn't move or acknowledge the insult in any manner. He kept his face neutral, his eyes slightly narrowed. "I said whaddya want, Cochise." The corporal growled.

In a clear even voice Joe told them, "I'm Sergeant Gage, I'm your medic."

"Christ Smitty, he's our 68whiskey?" One of the men whined. Another guffawed, "That's pretty funny! We got ourselves a redskin for our whiskey!" They used the slang for an army medic's designation.

The corporal's beady eyes never broke contact with Gage's brown ones and Joe remained calm and in control. The corporal spit again and grunted, "Just stay outta our way, Saaargeeeant." He said the rank with as much disgust as he possibly could. Joe gave a curt nod and made no move closer to the gun as the crew returned to the weapon. He positioned himself between the two crews so he could easily see both teams. The first team wasn't scheduled to begin firing until afternoon so he concentrated his focus on the second team.

He watched them prep, prepare and then the firing began. He placed his hands to his ears to protect his hearing as he watched. The gun crew was good. Most of their shells fell either on or nearly on target. So the morning went, and as the day heated up, he took off his fatigue shirt so he was only in his white t-shirt and his fatigue pants tucked into his combat boots. His stomach rumbled and he was debating pulling out the sandwiches he'd packed for lunch when he noticed something. The gun crew huddled together near the controls. He perked up, his hand resting on his equipment bag as he watched. Then one of them turned toward him and hollered, "Hey! Medic!"

At that call, Joe leapt to his feet, his bag flung over his shoulder as he trotted toward them. He could see now that one of the men was holding his arm rigid with his other hand. His eyes intent on his patient, Joe didn't see that the formerly tightly grouped men had fanned out. He never saw what happened, just knew that one moment he was hurrying toward his patient, the next he was falling. He instinctively threw his hands out in front of himself to either catch himself or brace himself for the impact and felt his hand and arm connect with something solid. Then his chest also hit the solid object, driving the wind from him with an, "oomph."

A next second inconceivable pain shot through his arm and chest. In reaction to the intolerable sensation and screaming in his agony, he wrenched his body backward away from whatever it was that was tormenting him. But the pain followed as his back impacted with the ground and, still screaming, he writhed in the thin grass.

"JEZZES! Smitty! He hit the barrel!" A voice cried out.

Someone else gasped, "God! His hand! It's . . . it's . . ."

The smell of burning flesh was making Joe nauseas and apparently he wasn't the only one. Dimly, as if from a great distance, he could hear someone retching. The part of him that was a medic sternly told him that he should see to the ill man; it was his duty. But the mind numbing pain from his chest and arm overloaded any abilities he had to act.

"Someone shut him up!" He heard the corporal's voice demand and instantly someone's hand clasped over his face as a very heavy body straddled him, effectively pinning him down. Joe fought to remove it, his breathing hampered not only by the pain and the weight on his abdomen but now by the heavy hand clamped over both his mouth and nose. His body arched and thrashed and he kicked desperately to escape even as he tried to use his uninjured hand to push himself free or at least remove the obstacle to his breathing. All too soon, his vision began to blacken as a roaring built in his ears. He gradually stopped fighting as the lack of oxygen reduced his strength. His body went limp even as he maintained his eye lock with the gaze of the person restraining him. Then his eyes sagged closed. He wasn't out yet when he heard someone say, "Let him breathe, Hicks, you're suffocating him!" Whether the command was obeyed or not, Joe didn't know as the darkness claimed him.

Awareness came back slowly and he could hear voices near him. He started to open his eyes, wanting to ask what had happened to him but then memories surged back and he willed his body to remain limp. He listened carefully to the sounds around him even as he put his other senses to use. '_**Antiseptics, bleach, alcohol**_.' He moved slightly feeling the stiffness of starched sheets beneath him. '_**I'm in the infirmary**_.'

He could hear voices talking quietly near him and he focused in on their words. "We need to talk to him." One was saying in that calm but commanding way he knew usually was attached to an officer.

"We have the other's statements but they greatly vary." Another voice was saying, "So we need to hear from him before we can do anything."

"So, _**are**_ you going to do anything?" Another voice snarled and this one he recognized as belonging to a PA (Physicians Assistant) he'd worked with many times before. His name was Galen Winters and Joe counted him as one of the few friends he had in the Army.

He could almost see the authoritative one draw himself up and look down on his friend. "We are conducting an investigating. We have to conclude our investigation first."

As if to soothe ruffled feathers, the other one spoke, "At least can you tell us about his injuries? That will be a start."

"His condition is serious. He has second and third degree burns laterally across his chest. We'll probably have to do skin grafts on them and several debridements. The same for the area burned on his upper arm." He recognized the voice of Dr. Torrens, the doctor he technically fell under the command of as a corpsman. He knew the man was a excellent doctor and had always treated him fairly, basing his actions on the merits of Joe's work, not the color of his skin.

There was the sound of shifting bodies then the first voice said, "We were told his injuries were minor!"

"Minor!" Galen growled out, "He left most of his right hand behind on the barrel of that gun." There was the deep intake of breath then the second investigator demanded, "Is this true?"

"Yes. His right hand . . ." Here the doctor faltered then began again. "His right hand was badly burned, the flesh nearly melted off. We . . . we are doing all we can to save it, but it doesn't look good right now." He sighed then continued, "You must understand, gentlemen, that weapon had been firing all morning. The barrel was probably heated up to several hundred degrees. When he impacted against it . . . well . ."

There was the sound of pens scratching on paper and Joe laid stunned at what he'd heard. He was burned—badly from the description. Awareness had now fully returned and with it some other more unpleasant sensations. His breathing picked up and he voiced a small involuntary groan at his building pain.

"I think our boy is waking up." He heard Dr. Torrens say. He could feel a hand laid on his uninjured arm. "Sergeant Gage? Can you hear me? C'mon Gage, open your eyes."

He struggled to obey and slowly they opened. He blinked them several times in order to clear his vision. As he suspected, four people surrounded his bed. The doctor gave him a kind smile and he exchanged nods with Galen; seeing the worried look in his friend's grey eyes brought out a faint half grin. Then he looked at the other two and something immediately told him NCIS. The older of the two men spoke first, "Sergeant Gage, I'm Agent Carpenter and this is Agent Kerns; we're from NCIS and we need to ask you some questions."

He nodded, opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a small croaking sound. Instantly a straw was placed to his lips and he sipped it, his eyes looking up with gratitude to the younger of the two agents. He received a faint smile and nod. "I imagine you're still pretty dry."

"He's still dehydrated." Dr. Torrens confirmed, "And burns are drying as well since they pull a lot of fluid from the body."

Once Joe'd nearly drained the glass he pulled back and tried again. "I'll help . . . what I can. What you need?"

The older agent flipped open his notebook. "Records say you were assigned as the medic for artillery practice on July 16th."

He nodded.

"Can you tell us what happened that day?"

He swallowed heavily and looked down, seeing his bandaged hand for the first time. The bandages were so thick, it had no shape to it. Fear filled him. '_Was it all gone? Did they have to take it off? How much was really there of his hand under all that gauze?'_

A hand on his uninjured arm re-centered his focus and he looked up into the searching eyes of the younger agent again, "Do you remember what happened that day?" Keeping eye contact, Joe nodded. The agent nodded back. "Alright then. Just start out with when you reported for duty that day."

He swallowed again and took a deep breath, "I came by the infirmary at around 05:30 to get my equipment and make sure I had plenty of water jugs in my jeep. It gets really hot out there in the field and I didn't want to have any cases of dehydration." He started. As both men nodded, he went on to tell about how he'd loaded his jeep, received the map of the area where he was assigned, then left. He told about how he greeted each team, told each who he was and why he was there and then settled in to watch. At that point the older Agent stopped him.

"When you approached the team at TU 5 what was their reaction?"

He looked puzzled and the Agent flipped back through his notes, "They would have been the second team, Corporal Hayden Smith in charge."

Joe grimaced slightly then all emotion disappeared from his face. All four men noticed. He heard Galen curse slightly as he turned away. The older Agent leaned forward. "Sergeant, we need to know everything that happened out there in order to make sure justice is served."

At the statement about justice, a quick scowl crossed Joe's face then was gone. But the four men caught it. The second Agent also leaned forward but before he could say anything, Dr. Torrens spoke up.

"Gage, you're a good man. I've always been pleased with the care you've always given others."

Joe blinked at him, the doctor wasn't known to ever give such compliments and he was thrown off track by this praise. "Th . . thank you, sir." he mumbled. The doctor nodded at him, "I'm only stating what is true. Now. We all know something happened out there. Something possibly criminal." He saw the shut-down look in his medic's face but went on. "I know you're not a complainer. You never have been and that's not what this is about. And I know you don't want to make any trouble."

He saw the faint nod Joe gave and he moved closer, "I also know you've always followed the rules and always obeyed the chain of command. So, let me say this . . . what happened to you, what may have been done out there . . what if it's happened before? Or happens again, say in combat? Would you be willing to put some young private into your position?"

He settled back as he watched the emotions now race across his medic's face. He felt satisfied, he knew his medic and he knew he'd said the right things. They all saw the resolve now in Joe's brown eyes. The medic turned to face the two Agents again. "They weren't pleased, Cpl. Smith and two others. They had some comments about my being there as their medic."

The older Agent again consulted his notes, "Comments about you being an Indian? Umm, let's see, one called you a redskin and one called you Squanto?"

Joe nodded, slightly surprised that they had that information. "Uhh, Cochise actually." At the agents' bewildered looks he added, "They called me Cochise, not Squanto. Cpl. Smith told me to stay out of their way." He chuckled, "I had every intention of that. I know what those guns can do. I settled in an area between the two crews, kinda on a small hill so I had good vantage over both. I watched them fire and they were good."

The Agents nodded, "Then what?"

Joe sighed and closed his eyes, "It was about 13:30. I'd just looked at my watch. I was getting hungry and was gonna pull out my lunch when I noticed the crew on gun 25 had stopped firing. They were all gathered together, near the breach." He went on to explain how they'd called him over and how he'd ran to help what he thought was a injured man. The pens were again scratching on paper as he spoke. As he told about his body hitting the gun, his voice trailed off.

Agent Carpenter nodded, "You said you were anxious to get to the man you thought was hurt…?

Joe nodded.

"So were you running?"

Joe shook his head, "Not flat out. But I was hurrying."

"So, did you trip?"

Joe paused as he went back to that place in his mind. There wasn't anything under his feet but flat ground. He slowly shook his head. "I don't think so. The ground around there was pretty flat, few rocks and no roots if that's what you mean."

Both agents nodded, they had both been out to the sight and that was true. Joe's eyes widened a little as he realized something. "What?" Agent Kerns softly encouraged, seeing the unfocused look in the wounded man's eyes. He just knew he was remembering something.

"Something . . . struck me. About mid-shin. Then I felt something . . . hit my back . . . ? Pushing me?"

Agent Carpenter looked at Dr. Torrens who nodded, "He has a good sized bruise on his right shin, just above where his boot was."

Joe gulped as realization struck him, he looked from one man to the other as he whispered, "They pushed me. Someone . . . pushed me. Into the gun. Why?"

The agents didn't answer, instead they went on with their questioning. Shocked now to think he'd been deliberately hurt, he went on to tell the rest of what he remembered; the hand over his face, the body physically holding him down, he repeated all the rest of it in a faint monotone.

He ended with a shrug and, "That's the last thing I knew . . . until just a few minutes ago." He sat back, his eyes falling to half-mast in exhaustion. Galan placed the straw to his lips again and he drank.

Agent Carpenter snapped his notebook shut. "Well. That verifies what Privates Hutchers, Peters and Wilkes said. Sergeant Gage? Thank you for your time. We'll let you know if we need anything else." He nodded to the other men and looked at his partner, "Coming Kerns?"

The younger man was still scribbling in his notebook. "I'll be right there." Carpenter gave a curt nod and left. Once the door was shut, Kerns flipped his notebook closed and smiled at the three men. "If there is anything you need, here's my card. Dr. Torrens, we might need you for the deposition to testify to his injures and the condition he was in when he was brought in."

He looked back down at the downcast dark head of the young man in the bed. '_**He's just a few years younger than me. What a shame. A mean stunt pulled by some assholes and now he's crippled for life**_.' Out loud he said, "Sergeant Gage, I hope you get better soon. We'll be in touch."

Then he too left.

Joe kept his head down, even as Dr. Torrens answered his quietly uttered questions about his injures. With words of encouragement and a pat on his arm, the good doctor left his medic.

Joe felt a weight settle on the edge of his bed and knew that Galen had stayed. "They didn't mean for me to survive this, did they." His voice was soft as he made that statement.

Galen sighed, "No. They drug you off into the trees and left you there the rest of the day. It's by God's Own Grace that you didn't die from dehydration or shock. Smith told the newer members of the guncrew that you'd been taken to the clinic. They were never in on it; they were told it was only an initiation. Once you were hurt, they got scared. When they got back to base, Peters heard Smith tell Hicks that they'd head back out to "get rid of the body" after chow. He got worried and talked to Wilkes and Hutcher about what had happened. They called here first and found out you were never brought in. They told Dr. Torrens what happened and he called Command. Command sent some MPS out to follow that . . . bunch (Joe grinned slightly at his friend's self monitoring) and caught them loading you up into a jeep. They tried to lie and say they thought you'd gone for help and came out to check and just found you." Galen made a growling sound in his throat. "That . . . Smith … tried to claim that they'd helped you back over to your jeep and you'd told them you were ok and were gonna drive yourself back. And that he got worried and decided to check back at the gun when he didn't hear anything about how you were doing." He snorted at that. "One look at your wounds and any decent person could tell they were lying. Plus they were loading you into _**their**_ jeep, yours was still over in the lot." He looked at his friend, saw the bent head, the devastated look on his pale face, and worried. "Hey, Joe? Listen to me, buddy."

Joe looked up as Galen laid a hand on his arm. "You'll get through this, Joe. You're the toughest guy I know. And you know, anything I can do to help . . ." Joe nodded.

Joe blinked at the white walls of his kitchen then sighed. That had been several weeks ago. He'd had several debridement sessions, suffered through infections and finally had to have surgery when they'd been forced to remove the fourth and fifth fingers and part of his right hand. True to his word, Galen had been beside him, helping him fill out the paperwork on his disability and his medical discharge. Joe took another deep breath and poured more whiskey into the glass. He had nothing now. No home—they currently lived on base and would soon be forced out—no job and no other job prospects. Who would hire a one handed Indian? True, his wife worked and he'd get some disability from the Army but that wasn't much. He swirled the drink around, staring into the glass, mesmerized as he did.

Worthless, he was worthless and useless. There was nothing to his life anymore. As Joe lifted the glass to his lips the sudden banging of the screen door startled him and he spilled the drink. Angry, he poured more even as the excited voice of his young son reached him, "ATE! Looksee! Étuŋwe! What dis?" As usual, the boy's English and Dakhota were all mixed together. But what he'd always found amusing before, Joe now found aggravating.

"Le've me 'lone!" he growled as the dark haired boy exploded into the room. "Damn, doesn't that kid have an off switch," he grumbled to himself. The young child tenderly cradled something in his cupped hands, his gaze intent on what he had and not where he was going as he raced headlong toward his father. He bumped his father's chair which jostled the unsteady man enough that he accidently struck his injured hand on the table. Pain flared up his arm and he cursed loudly. "Damn it John! Can't you be still for one minute!"

He swept his left arm out in anger, but stiffened as it unexpectedly came in contact with something. His head snapped around in time to see his blow catch his young son on the back, just about at the shoulder blades. The force propelled the hapless youngster into the kitchen wall where he impacted face first, then ricocheted backwards to sprawl spread-eagle on the floor. Joe stared at him in shock, his own body frozen as he saw the child gasp for the air pushed out of his body by the duel blows, his large eyes wide in surprise. Then tears filled those dark brown eyes and began running down his tiny cheeks as Johnny inhaled deeply and let it out in a wail of pain. Blood began running from his split lip and nose even as a place on his forehead reddened and darkened.

Movement came back to Joe as he leapt to his feet, his heart racing. "GOD! Johnny!" He knelt next to his son, his hand shaking as he reached for him. Johnny was crying hard now, the sobs shaking his body, his face red with his howling and drenched with tears. As Joe ran his hand over his child's face, trying to assess the damage done Johnny suddenly stopped crying. His breath left his lungs in a long drawn out sigh as his face drained of all color. As Joe watched in helpless horror, his child's small body arched upward as his back bowed, the dark eyes now wide and unfocused before rolling up to show only the whites. Then the slender boy began frantically moving, muscles constricting and flexing involuntarily.

Joe felt his heart freeze as he realized his child was seizing. With an agonized cry, he gathered his small son up in his arms, cradling the child as gently as the twisting body allowed. Joe's head swung from one side of the room to the other, desperately searching for the keys to the car he hadn't driven in months. As he saw them, and scooped them up, he felt Johnny give one last shudder then go disturbingly limp. "No, Spirits no, O ma key yo! Johnny? Chaske!"

He laid his unbandaged hand against the thin neck, relieved to feel the pulsing within but the pale features, the bloody face, the limpness all told the medic his child was in trouble. He had one thought now, get Johnny to help. As he raced across the base to the hospital, his gaze kept going down to the dark head in his lap. He'd turned Johnny onto his side so the blood that still trickled from his nose and lip wouldn't choke him, not caring that it soaked his jeans instead. When he heard the siren behind him, he ignored it. He had just screeched to a halt in front of the hospital when his door was yanked open.

"Alright, buddy, just what do you think . . . Christ Almighty!" The voice started out angry but changed as Joe gathered the limp form of his child gently against his chest. Brown eyes filled with anguish looked pleadingly up into the shocked open mouthed face of the MP.

"Please," he begged, tears running from his eyes, "My son . . . he's hurt. Help me."

Without another word the MP grabbed his elbow, towing him toward the door even as Joe bent his head over his son, pleading. "Johnny? Chaske, can you hear me? God Chaske, I'm so sorry. Please be ok. Stay with me, Tanagila."

Roy placed the straw to Johnny's lips, watching him drink as he reviewed the story his friend had just told him. Being a father himself, he could understand the agony Joe Gage must have felt. Once Johnny signaled he was finished, Roy drank some water himself from his own glass then settled back into his chair.

"Wow, junior. That's' . . uhhh. That's . . ."

"It's quite a story, huh." Johnny acknowledged.

Roy looked at him, "Of course you were alright."

Johnny nodded, "Eventually. Dad said I stayed unconscious for about an hour. I guess I scared him really badly."

Roy gave a snort at that understatement.

Johnny grinned slightly, "Yeah. I know. But Dad also said in the long run it turned out to be one of the best days of his life."

Roy looked at him incredulously. "How could he say that! The man was crippled, jobless and homeless from prejudice and then got drunk and nearly killed his kid!"

Johnny's smile grew as he shook his head, "Dad always told me he was glad that it happened like it did because it changed his life." At Roy's horrified expression Johnny let out a loud laugh as he added, "No! Not that he hurt me! He wasn't happy about that of course. But he understood why it happened like it did."

Roy's face showed his bewilderment so Johnny began explaining. "My father never took a drink of anything harder than a beer after that and never to get drunk. He said he realized, there in the hospital while he watched over me, that he did have something to live for—me and my mom. And more important, he wasn't helpless." Johnny smiled softly in remembrance of his father's telling the tale of the lesson he learned. "See, he drove the car."

Roy frowned. And Johnny laughed at the expression. "He drove the car to the hospital. Roy, it was a stick shift. He said at the time he didn't think about doing it, he just did it. After that, he'd try just about anything. He found out there was plenty he could still do. He still had his thumb and two fingers on his right hand."

Johnny shifted in his bed, his gaze going now to his own hands, his exposed thumb and two fingers on his left hand. "Dad taught himself carpentry and hired himself out as an independent." His voice was soft as he realized the determination his father had had. Could _he_ do that? Could he totally redo _his life_ like his father had done? Did he have the strength to do that?

Roy laid a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder and Johnny looked up, his eyes dark with memories. "He sounds like he was quite a guy." He told his young partner solemnly.

Johnny slowly nodded, his smile tender, "He was, Roy. I wish you could have met him."

Roy nodded, "Me too, junior. He sounds like someone quite exceptional." His fingers tightened on his friend's shoulder as he added, "Kinda like his son. He's pretty exceptional too."

Brown eyes stared solemnly into serious blue ones for several long moments then Johnny gave a faint nod as he whispered, "Thanks."

They stayed that way for a bit longer, two friends sharing their own kind of silent communication. Then Roy ran his hand over his face and settled back in his chair with a huge sigh. "God." He groaned. "I need coffee."

The delighted snicker from the bed sent his spirit soaring as he grinned at his friend. "Bet you could use a cup too, huh Junior?"

Johnny nodded as he grinned broadly. Just then his stomach voiced it's opinion and Johnny's face colored while it was Roy's turn to grin broadly. "Coffee and other things." He reached down and pulled up the bag he'd placed at his feet earlier. Johnny watched avidly as Roy pulled out several containers, naming each as he placed them on the tray.

"Garlic bread, Greek salad with blue cheese crumbles, and Jo's lasagna." Johnny's eyes widened in appreciation of one of his favorite meals. Roy opened the containers and chuckled again as he watched his partner's eyes close in bliss as he inhaled deeply through his nose. "Open up, partner. I assure you it tastes even better than it smells." He placed a generous forkful of the sauce-covered noodles into Johnny's eager mouth.

Johnny chewed happily, savoring the tastes before he swallowed. Even before he could open his mouth again, another bite was ready and waiting.

Roy's grin never faded as he fed his friend, getting as much delight over watching Johnny eat as it appeared Johnny was getting out of the meal. All too soon though, Johnny turned his head, his mouth closed.

Now Roy's brows turned downward in concern. "You didn't eat much, junior. Are you sure you can't take any more?"

Johnny shook his head, "Not right now." His gaze dropped to his lap. "Sorry. I don't mean to be a disappointment."

Roy reached out and took Johnny's chin in his hand, gently forcing his friend to raise his head and face him. "You aren't a disappointment, Johnny. If you're full then you're full. The rest can wait until later. We—Jo and I—just want to make sure you get everything you need."

Johnny stared into his friend's blue eyes, seeing the concern and the conviction there and gave a faint grin. "ok, Roy." He blinked sleepily and tried to stifle a yawn.

Roy chuckled, "Looks like it's somebody's naptime." He teased.

To his surprise a slightly panicked look entered those chocolate-shaded eyes. "I'm not sleepy, Roy. Honest!" Johnny's eyes darted about almost frantically. "Uhhmm, coffee! You said you needed coffee. That sounds really good!" He blinked again heavily, stifling another yawn. "Yes, coffee. A nice big cup. And maybe one of Jenny's cookies. Doesn't that sound great? Boy, I could sure go for a coffee and some cookies right now."

Roy listened to his friend babble on, confused by this sudden turn. "Oookkay. If that's what you want. I'll . . . I'll just go get the coffee and be right back." He moved to stand up.

"NO!" The panicked shout from his bedridden mate froze the paramedic. Johnny tried another smile at the sight of the frown on his partner's face. "I mean, no, you don't have to leave. Hey Roy? Why don't you buzz the nurse and have her bring us some coffee? I'm sure Gretchen would do that."

Roy watched the dark haired younger man closely. After several moments, he spoke, "Johnny. You look tired. I think you need to sleep, not drink coffee."

Johnny was frantically shaking his head, "No Roy. I . . . I'm fine. Not tired at all."

"Uhhuh." Roy could see that even as hard as Johnny was obviously trying, his blinking was getting slower, his eyes getting glassy. His partner's behavior confused him. Why was Johnny insisting he wasn't tired when it was so obvious he was? With a sudden flash of insight, Roy gave a faint smile even as he squeezed Johnny's shoulder. "Get some sleep, junior. You know you need it. I'm not going to go anywhere unless you tell me."

Johnny blinked slowly at him then shook his head, "Doan wan you go . . . anywh're . . .Doan . . . wan be . . . 'lone . . .'" he breathed softly then yawned so widely it hurt Roy's jaw. "Please . . . stay . . ."

Roy chuckled as he patted his friend's cheek, "I promise, Johnny. Sleep. I'll be right here." Then he quirked a grin at his partner, "And I promise the only place I'll go is to get some coffee for myself, and for you when you wake up. Deal?'

Johnny's eyes were nearly closed now, his body resting back against his pillows but he gave an exhausted grin back, "Deal . . ." he whispered as his head lolled to one side and he fell deeply asleep.

Roy smiled at his sleeping friend, watching his deep and even breathing for several long moments. He too, was reluctant to leave his friend but the thought of that promised coffee and cookies drew him. He leaned closer to his partner. "Sleep, Johnny. I'm getting the coffee and then I'll be right back."

Johnny's head moved fractionally but his breathing never changed. Roy patted his shoulder and with one last look at the sleeping figure he gave a contented sigh and left the room.

As he approached the desk, Gretchen looked up, one eyebrow cocked upward. Roy's grin answered her even before he spoke. "He ate, he's asleep now."

Gretchen nodded, "Good."

"Yeah," Roy smiled, relishing the happy feeling filling him. He was back where he needed to be—helping his partner. He tapped the desk top with his fingertips. "Uhh, listen Gretchen, I promised Johnny I wouldn't leave him for long but I gotta have coffee."

The nurse's smile broadened as she nodded, "Understood. The best is probably right over there in the nurse's area. Made it fresh myself just a few minutes ago."

Roy nodded, "Great. I promised Johnny some coffee and cookies when he woke. And I'd best call my wife too while I have the chance. I know she'll be eager to hear about Johnny."

Gretchen motioned him over to a phone behind her desk. "Use that line there. I think there are still some of the cookies you sent in still marked for him. I'll go check." Roy smiled his thanks as he walked to the pot first. He grabbed a mug and poured out the fragrant brew. Cautiously he took a sip. His eyes widened. It was strong . . . but very good. He sighed in appreciation and drinking more, moved to the phone.

He dialed the familiar number and waited eagerly to hear his wife answer. His smile widened as her voice came over the line. "Jo. Jo! Yes, I saw him. Huh?" He paused, his spirits sagging a little. "Umm, I guess he looks the same. Yeah, he still looks thin. He's pale and . . . and he gets tired very easily."

His excitement returned, "but Jo, he's talking again. Yeah! He . . he told me a story about his father! Yes! I know! He rarely talks about his parents! I'll tell you all of it later. I don't want to stay on too long. He's asleep right now. What?"

His smile faded and his brows drew forward. "Chris? He did?" He listened, his face growing darker. "He told his sister what?"

He shifted uncomfortably, "Why would he do something so mean?" He listened more, this time his brows raised and his eyes widened. "He thinks Johnny's WHAT?" Roy sagged as his wife repeated her statement and explained. Running a hand over his face he sighed heavily. "Yeah. Yeah, I can see how he could think that, I guess. Did you tell him . . ."

He listened nodding, "Well, did you tell him . . .. uhhuh. Uhuh. I see." Another deep sigh. He glanced back toward Johnny's room, his brows downward in a frown. "Hang on Jo, I've got an idea. What? Yes, that's what I'm gonna do. I think it will help BOTH of them. Yeah. I'll . .. I'll call you back in just a few minutes. Love you too. Yeah, I'll tell him. Bye."

Roy hung up the phone and sipped at his coffee, his brows twisted into a frown. Then, with a determined look, he walked back over to where he could see Gretchen talking to another nurse whose back was toward him. "Gretchen, do you have the number . . .oh."

As he began talking, both nurses turned to face him and he now recognized . . . "Dixie? What are you doing in uniform?"

Dixie smiled at him., "Hello Roy. I'm taking the evening shift. We've had a bit of a scheduling problem here . . ." She tilted a sly grin at Gretchen who gave one right back at her, "And they needed a floater for the evening shift so I volunteered."

Roy eyed the two, his arms crossing. "This wouldn't have anything to do with the neglect of a certain patient a few nights ago, would it?"

Dixie innocently batted her pretty blue eyes at the younger man, "No. Not really." Then seriously she added. "She's done similar things before on other shifts here. But that . . . neglecting a bedridden patient to the point of endangering his care, that's unconscionable. So she's been suspended and as I said, I volunteered."

He smiled gratefully at the older nurses, "Thanks. You two are really special people."

Both woman colored briefly, "I told you before," Gretchen stated, "My main concern is only my patients. The sooner I get them off my floor means the sooner they are better. Just because one certain patient has been occupying one of my bed for way too long . . . well, that has nothing to do with the quality of care anyone here deserves."

Roy nodded, but his eyes still spoke his gratitude. "yeah," he said softly, "He has been here way too long." His gaze went back toward Room #3.

"You needed something, Roy?" Dixie's question brought him back to the present. He faced them, "Yeah . . I need you to see if you can get ahold of Dr. Bentley. I want to get permission for my family to visit with Johnny."

The two exchanged looks then Gretchen opened her mouth to comment but Dixie again beat her to it with, "Roy, this is SICU. Johnny is doing well but seeing him like this could upset . . ."

Roy was already shaking his head, "It can't upset them any more than they already are. Seems my son has gotten it into his head that while he was at camp, Johnny died."

"WHAT!" Dixie's eyes widened.

Roy nodded, "And what's worse, he's told that to his sister as well."

Dixie blinked. "How did he get such an idea?"

Roy rubbed his face, as he began to explain how he'd had a talk with his son about Johnny and their fight but hadn't realized what Chris had already seen. And he explained how his words only appeared to reinforce what Chris had surmised. "So when he saw me return the wheelchair, he figured that meant Johnny wouldn't be returning to our house. And he knew Johnny'd been too injured to go home alone from the descriptions Jenny told him of how weak he was and how he couldn't use his hands. Then when he saw all the food brought in by everyone, well . . ."

Dixie and Gretchen nodded, both well aware of traditions. "He thought 'funeral'. Ok Roy, I'll call his service. I think you're right, the only way you'll convince him is for him to see a living breathing Johnny." She turned to the phone on the desk and quickly dialed a number.

Gretchen smiled at him, "Besides, after all Army has told me about how deeply your family feels toward Johnny, and how Johnny feels toward your family, this visit could only do him good as well."

Roy nodded, "My thoughts exactly." He sipped his coffee and noticed with a frown, the cup was empty. Gretchen laughed, "Get more. I'll make another pot. You did say Johnny wanted some as well. Oh, by the way, here's those cookies."

Dixie joined them and Gretchen handed her a cup of coffee as well. "The service is calling him now. He's pretty good about calling back quickly." She looked at the cookies under the saran wrap and frowned, looking closer. Roy saw her look and asked quizzically. "Something wrong with the cookies?"

"I don't know." She told them about her experience with Johnny over the cookies. "He was awfully sad, Roy, but all he said was 'There's a star not a cross.'"

Roy's jaw worked as his vision suddenly got mysteriously blurry again. "Jenny did that. She said she does that to the cookies so that Johnny will always know that she was the one who baked them 'just for him'."

The two nurses exchanged sad looks, the strange actions of the injured paramedic making sense now. Dixie straightened her shoulders, "Well, that's in the past now. You're here and you're not leaving, right?" She held his gaze firmly with her own as one brow cocked upward.

Roy grinned reassuringly at her, "Not unless he wants me too." He looked back toward Room #3 again, "And considering the near panic he had earlier, fighting sleep and making me promise and all, I doubt that will happen anytime soon."

At their bewildered expressions, he quickly explained. Then he picked up the plate and his cup and saluted the two. "Sooo, I'd better get back in there before he wakes up. I'd hate to have him think I broke my promise." With a last smile, he left.

He carefully pushed open the door and saw to his relief, Johnny appeared to still be fast asleep. He placed the cookie plate on the bedside tray and sat down. He stared at the figure in the bed, watching the deep respirations for a while, glad to be back at his partner's side. He just sat there, sipping his coffee and watched, contented. Then a pressing situation made him shift uncomfortably. Finally with a sigh, he stood, muttering, "Liquid in, liquid out."

Johnny shifted his head on his pillow as he became aware of light on the other side of his eyelids. Gradually he became more alert and recent memories came back to him. Roy. Roy had come in. Roy had fed him. A warm glow filled his chest and suddenly he felt lighter, not so heavy even strapped into this bed. He forced his eyes open as a grin lit his face. "Hey Partner. I'm ready for that . . . coffee . . ?"

He stopped, the grin fading. Other than him, the room was empty. His head fell back into his pillow and he gave a heavy sigh as a weight shifted back into his chest. Tears filled his eyes as he realized he was still alone. "Guess I just dreamed it." He muttered as he turned to stare up at the ceiling. '_**What am I thinking? Roy isn't gonna come back. After all he tried to do for me, trying to get me to see he was sorry and then I acted worse than him, blowing up at him like that, kicking him out.'**_ He chastised himself harshly. _**'Face it Gage, you're a screw-up. You were born a screw-up and you'll die one and no one will care.'**_

Roy turned out the light and quietly exited the bathroom, unwilling to wake his sleeping partner with any noise. But he paused with two steps toward the bed as he focused on the figure there. Johnny lay like he had before but his tear-shiny eyes were open, staring blankly up at the ceiling, and on his face the saddest expression Roy'd ever seen. Roy's heart froze as he rushed forward. "Johnny? Johnny, what's wrong?"

Johnny's head whipped around making Roy cringe, _**'I wish he wouldn't do that. He makes my neck hurt,**_' came a brief thought but was quickly scattered by Johnny's words. "ROY! You . . .you're here?" His eyes were wide and his mouth gaped open.

Roy gave his partner a puzzled look, "Johnny? Are you alright? I've been here. I promised you I wouldn't leave and I didn't."

Johnny swallowed hard, "I thought I dreamed . . .I didn't . . I was afr . . ." He stuttered. Then the beginnings of a hopeful smile drifted across his lips. "You're here?"

Roy laid his hand on his friend's shoulder, understanding his friend's actions and feeling both warmed and saddened by them. "Johnny, I promised." He said softly. "And I swore to you that I would not leave unless you told me too."

Johnny gave a sigh, his body relaxing as the smile grew. Roy grinned back at him. "Ready for that coffee and cookies now, partner?"

Johnny blinked at him. "Yeah. I think I am."

Just then, the door opened and Gretchen stepped in. In her hands she held an empty cup and a full pot of coffee which she handed to Roy as she continued on to Johnny's side. "Vitals check, Johnny. Shift's about to change and I need one last one for my report."

He grinned happily up at her. "Ok." He cheerfully conceded. Gretchen felt a smile pull at her lips at the change in her patient. She took the vitals, listening as her patient chatted happily with his partner. She shook her head, marveled at the difference she saw in him. However, that smile changed to a frown as she took his vitals. They were still low, although his heart rate was up a little and stronger. However, his temp was still elevated as well. She duly recorded the levels and smiled at the sparkling brown eyes that looked up at her. "Better, John. Now, you just keep this upward trend going and I'll soon be able to get you out of that bed and off my floor."

He batted his eyes at her, "But, then would you miss me?" He whined, his lips twitching with his put-on pout that wanted to burst into a full Gage grin. She swatted his arm and he chuckled. "You scamp. No. I'd not miss such a pain as you. Not one bit."

Roy's eyes twinkled as he watched his partner once more act like his partner. Gretchen caught his look and scowled. "Don't you encourage him."

Roy laughed, "On the contrary, I plan to encourage him all I can." She patted his arm as she left the room, her gaze telling him that was just what she'd hoped as well. Roy watched her go then looked back at Johnny to find him leaning over as far as he could out of his bed, trying to smell the coffee. He chuckled again as he took the now filled cup and carefully placed it to his partner's lips. "Here junior. Careful, it's hot."

"Of course it's hot, Roy. It's not as good if it's not hot." Johnny grumbled before he sipped the brew. He closed his eyes, a contented sigh leaving him as he let the warm liquid trickle down his throat. "Spirits, that's good."

Roy grinned as he held the cup as long as Johnny wanted it. Then he offered him a cookie which Johnny eagerly accepted. As he chewed, he looked over at his older partner, "Roy? How's everything at your house?"

Roy sighed as he let Johnny take another bite of cookie then sipped his own coffee. "Funny you should ask. I need to talk to you about that."

Johnny pulled back, his eyes growing dark with worry as his brows drew downward.

Dixie had complete the shift turnover, assigned her nurses and was on her way into Room #3 with Johnny's meds when she heard his voice cry out, "I'm DEAD?"

She paused briefly then moved on into the room. Roy sat by his partner's bedside, a cup of coffee in each hand. Johnny sat as straight up in his bed as he could, his eyes wide as he looked over at her. "Dixie! Chris thinks I'm DEAD!"

She nodded, "Yes. Roy already explained it to us."

Johnny looked back at Roy, "What . . . ? How . . . ? Why? When?"

Roy put both cups down and raised a hand up, palm toward his partner. "Calm down, take a deep breath and relax. I'll tell you."

Johnny's body pushed back slightly, but Roy could tell he was still tense. "Ok. I'm relaxed. Tell me."

"Yeah. As relaxed at a strung bow." Roy muttered and heard Dixie's snort as she injected Johnny's meds. He explained again what Jo and he surmised. "Seems Jenny told Chris about you being at our house and how you were injured and everything. Then when we got home . . ."

Once he was finished, Roy looked at Johnny with a faint helpless shrug. I guess to a pre-teen boy, it all added up to one thing. He's wrong, of course but it does make sense."

Johnny slowly nodded his head, "Yeah. I can see how he would think that." He looked up and Roy felt his heart lurch at the deep worry in those brown eyes. _**'God. He cares so much for **__**my**__** kids. How could I ever have been angry over this?'**_ Johnny sighed, "I've got to see him, Roy. I've got to show him I'm alright." He frowned down at his hands, "Well, at least that I'm not dead."

Roy carefully cleared his throat and Johnny looked back over at him. "Uhh, that's not all, junior." At Johnny's questioning look he continued hesitantly, "Apparently he . . . he uhhh, tried to convince Jenny you were . . uhhh . . .also."

Johnny leaned back into his pillows, eyes closed as he groaned. "Oh God." Then he opened his eyes and both Roy and Dixie could see his determination. "Dixie. I have to see them. I need to get out of here. Uhhhh, maybe a day pass or . . . or something . . .I need . ."

"I know what you need, young man, and it doesn't include getting out of that bed yet. You're still too weak. If you tried to even stand right now, you'd just fall flat on your face. What kind of impression would that make, hmmmm?" She crossed her arms and arched a brow at her patient.

Johnny bit his lip in exasperation. "But Dixie. I gotta . . ."

She interrupted him, placing a soothing hand on his shoulder, "Relax Johnny. It's already been taken care of." She turned from Johnny's puzzled but relieved look to his partner. "Dr. Bentley called back and I explained the situation to him. His exact words were . . . 'Hell yeah they can visit him. You mark it down that a visit from Li'l Miss Jenny Sunshine AND her brother is just what this doctor is ordering. I think it will do all THREE of my patients good."'

The two men exchanged smiles at those words. Dixie watched them, her own grin just beneath the surface. She begin fussing with Johnny's sheets and blankets. "Now Mr. Gage. If you are finished with your snack, I suggest you close those eyes and get some rest before your company gets here."

Johnny smiled back at her and relaxed. "Yes ma'am." He chirped as the smile morphed into a Full Gage grin. Then the medications pulled his eyes slowly closed and as his tow friends watched, he was once more asleep.

Roy motioned toward the door and Dixie, nodding, followed him out. Once the door to Room #3 closed behind them, Roy turned to Dixie. Dixie sighed, "he's hanging in there. His vitals are still down but stronger today than before. You got him to eat and his mood is definitely better now." They walked toward the desk as Dixie continued, "That . . . . blasted . . . fever just won't let go of him, though."

Roy nodded, his eyes dark with worry. Dixie laid a hand on his arm as she smiled up at him. "I think this visit will do him good Roy. That, and you being here."

Roy gave a crooked grin, reminiscent of his partner, "I think so too. Dixie, you don't know how hard it was to stay way. Especially knowing he was having trouble.'

Dixie nodded, she did know. Roy looked back toward the room, then gave a firm nod. "Well, I'm gonna call Jo and let her know what the Doc said. We'll let Johnny sleep for awhile while she gets the kids ready and over here."


	39. Chapter 39

Sorry so late for this….It's a little longer in length than usual for me to sorta make up for the long time not posting! Enjoy! Send feedback to feed the fingers!

CHAPTER 39

JoAnne gave the last dish a final swipe with towel then placed it into the cabinet. With a sigh, she closed the door and turned to visually inspect the clean kitchen. She grabbed her cup, frowned at the dregs within and poured the remains into the sink. Then she paused, debating whether she really wanted a cup of coffee or a nice tall glass of mint ice tea. Her decision made, she washed out her cup and placed it on the drying rack. Then she pulled out her favorite large glass and filled it full. She placed it on the table and sank into her chair with another sigh.

A glance at the kitchen clock made her face wrinkle up in disgust. How could it only be 3 o'clock? It seemed that this day would never end. As she sipped her tea, her mind went back to what had happened over the last 7+ hours.

When the alarm had gone off, she'd groaned, feeling like she'd just crawled into bed. A voice raised up from where her husband had his face was nearly buried in his pillow, his eyes still closed. "We don't have to go this morning. You don't have junior church and Chris is probably still beat from camp."

She sighed as she rolled over onto her back and blinked sleepily at the ceiling. "I know. And part of me agrees with you and the other part is feeling really guilty for even thinking about staying home from church."

Without opening his eyes, Roy rolled toward his wife and pulled her closer to him, "Well, let me know which part wins."

She chuckled at that and smacked him. He grunted and finally opened one sleepy eye. "Let me guess, the guilty part won."

She smiled as she pulled herself from his arms and sat up, drawing her robe around her shoulders. "Go shower, Mr. DeSoto, while I wake your children."

He muttered something she was sure she didn't want to hear as she headed out the door. She peeked her head into Jenny's room first, smiling at the sight of tousled blonde hair; the only thing visible from the mound of blanket. She grabbed what she thought could either be a foot or a shoulder and shook it, saying, "Jenny, wake up! Time for church."

At first there was a sigh, then a soft moan and finally the mound moved as Jenny sat up, blonde hair a tangled mess over her face. She sleepily rubbed at her eyes and yawned, then her face brightened into a smile. "Sunday! Chris is home! Does that mean we can go see Johnny today?"

Jo felt her breath catch in her chest at the thought of the man she thought of as a little brother hurt and alone in the hospital. She smiled gently and sat on the edge of the bed. "I don't know, dear one. We'll see."

Jenny's face fell and her head dropped, "I miss Uncle Johnny, Mommy. I can't help make him better like I promised if I can't see him." She lifted her face to look at her mom, tears filling her blue eyes to the point of overflowing. "What if no one is feeding him? He needs to eat. Dr. Brackett said so."

Jo reached out and pulled her daughter into a hug. "I'm sure the nurses are taking care of Johnny. And your father has been taking him in special food every day. OK?"

Jenny sniffled and pulled back, "I guess." She wiped her face on her sleeve. "Can we say a special prayer for him today?"

Jo smiled at her, "You bet. Now get up and get your teeth brushed and decide what dress you want to wear while I go get your brother up."

Jenny nodded and skipped over to her closet as Jo made her way out of the room and over to her son's room. She opened the door and looked inside. Her heart took another blow as she looked at her son. Roy had told her he'd told Chris about Johnny and had reported back he seemed calm with the news. "Don't think he took it as well as you thought there, dear." She murmured as she gently removed the photo album from under her son's face. Her gaze caught on the pictures and with a sad smile she touched the broadly grinning image of her husband's partner and her friend. '_**Oh Johnny. We really need to get you to understand just how much a part of this family you really are.**_

'  
Movement from the bed beside her drew her attention and she smiled as her son lifted his head and blinked at her. "Morning Mom."

She stroked the side of his face as she smiled at him, "Good morning Chris. It's good to have you home." He nodded then his gaze went to the album she held in her hand. She looked down at the photos and smiled. "These are such wonderful photos; you three boys really had a good time."

She handed the book back to Chris who stared at it a moment, then closed it and shoved it back under his mattress. Jo watched him, concerned over his quiet demeanor. She left him getting ready and headed off for her own morning routine. It was the first morning in over a week the family had been together. However, there seemed to be a strainedness that neither parent understood. Jenny was her usual bright self, eating while one foot swung wildly under her chair, chattering about who she hoped was in church today. Chris answered any question presented to him, but other than that, kept to himself. Jo eyed Roy then glanced at their son. Roy caught the silent statement and shrugged. Soon the family was dressed in their Sunday finery and out the door.

The service went well, several friends came up to talk to the DeSoto and Chris's friend were eager to hear stories about his week. Chris did his best to oblige but his mournful heart wasn't into it. Talking about the camp and all the neat things he did there only made him sadder to think he'd never camp again with his Uncle Johnny.

The good feelings from church and the pleasant conversations shared there had served to help Jo and Roy temporarily forget their injured friend and both were reluctant to lose that. So Roy looked at his wife and announced, "I feel like a treat. How about we have Sunday lunch at Richard's?"

Jenny cheered from the backseat and Chris gave the expected "Yeah Dad." Jo smiled at her husband and added, "That sounds good, Roy."

Roy nodded, "OK. Then to Richard's we go." They enjoyed their meal, the parents even splurging and ordering dessert. Chris had loosened up slightly and told about some of the things he'd done at camp. Both parent felt more relaxed as the family once more piled back into the car. As they pulled into the garage, reality came back and both parents felt their good mood gain a grey edge.

"Change your clothes then you can go out." Jo said automatically. Both kids responded as they headed into the house. Both adults were a little slow joining them. After changing, Roy looked out into the backyard and sighed. "I guess I should do the yard. It's looking a little shaggy out there." For a moment they stared out into the yard then blue eyes met green as it seemed a familiar voice echoed in both their minds, "Don't expect me to do it."

Jo's breath caught in a near sob and her husband pulled her close, his own eyes filling with tears. "Johnny promised he'd fix that old mower of yours, Roy. I don't know why he didn't get that done. He never breaks a promise." Jo knew she was babbling but she couldn't stop herself. All she could think of in that moment was how much she missed their energetic friend.

"I know." Roy mumbled from where he'd buried his face in her hair. His own breath hitched slightly as he confessed, "I just don't know what to do, Jo. I just…. Johnny…." His voice halted but his wife understood what he was trying to say. She pulled him tighter to her body, trying to give him comfort and receiving comfort herself at the same time. "I know." She murmured, "Me too."

Neither one noticed the silent figure near the door as they stared out into the backyard. Chris watched his parents for a few moments longer then, with head hung low, drug himself back off toward his room, any desire to play outside evaporated in his grief.

Unaware of their eldest's pain, the two adults broke apart. Jo looked at the clock on the wall even as she wiped the tears from her face. "Oh my. I didn't realize it was getting so late. You should be heading over to Rampart. Just let me get out the lasagna I made last night and quick make up some garlic toast. You know how much Johnny loves garlic toast with his lasagna and . . . and then I think a nice salad. Yes, he'll like that." Even as she talked, she began bustling around the kitchen.

Roy watched her for a few minutes then quietly said. "He loves all your cooking Jo."

She paused, hands braced on the counter as she choked back a sob. Then to Roy's surprise she turned to face him, a smile on her face. "Today is the day you'll get to see him, Roy. I just know it."

Roy gave a faint shrug, "Maybe." His voice echoed the skepticism he felt. But Jo just gave a firm nod. "I know it. That's why this meal must be special. I'll have it ready in just a few minutes."

True to her word, the meal was soon packaged up and ready to go. "Let him smell that and I guarantee he'll be . . ..he'll . . .drool worse than Pavlov's dog!" She finally finished with a grin.

In spite of himself, Roy laughed. "I'm sure he will." He agreed. Jo kissed his cheek as he gathered up the bags. "I also packaged up some of the scalloped ham and potatoes and some of the apple crisp Johnny's neighbor brought over." She eyed her husband as she added, "I made sure there was enough for both of you. That way you can join Johnny eating it."

Roy kissed her cheek as he gave her a grateful smile, "I love you Mrs. DeSoto."

Jo smiled back, "I love you too, Mr. DeSoto. And I love that scrawny partner of yours so go feed him." With his heart feeling lighter than it had in days, Roy headed off toward the hospital, desperately hoping his wife was right and Johnny would finally be ready to see him.

Jo sipped at her tea as her mind continued musing over the morning. The kids had both been unusually quiet, not asking to play outside. Roy had been gone now at the hospital for two hours. Jo could only hope that that was a good sign. Usually he dropped the food off, got a short report on Johnny's wellbeing and returned home, all within an hour. She was just debating her next task when a bone chilling scream came from upstairs.

"HE'S NOT! HE CAN'T BE! HE PROMISED! NO! NO CHRIS! HE PROMISED! HE TOLD ME HE'D GET BETTER!"

Jenny's voice screaming in near hysterics had Jo on her feet and running before she was consciously aware of doing so. Under her breath she was muttering, "So help me Christopher Daniel, if you've said something nasty to your sister again I'll …I'll…" her tirade ended as she stopped dead in the doorway to her daughter's room, shocked into immobility by the sight before her.

Chris made his way sadly up the stairs and back to his bedroom, the sight of his parents standing in the kitchen still in his head. He burrowed through the items he'd unpacked until he triumphantly pulled out a bundle of shirts. He cautiously unwrapped it, revealing a wooden frame made from popsicle sticks carefully fitted together and stained dark brown. A braided band of latigo dyed bright red and ending entwined in a bright silver concho encircled the open area for the picture. Chris touched the shiny metal piece thinking, 'Just like the ones on Tate's harness.' He traced the figures of a running pony and the firefighter's Maltese cross which braced each opposite corner and remembered how he'd painstakingly woodburned them into the surface.

With a sigh and holding the frame in his hand, he walked to his sister's room. Once there, he peeked inside, seeing Jenny sitting on the floor surrounded by half naked barbies and stacks of miniature clothes. Jenny was talking, changing her voice as she spoke for each doll. Chris watched her for a few moments then she sensed him and looked up, smiling.

"Hi Chris! You want to play dolls with me?" She chirped. He gave a half hearted smile. "Maybe later."

She shrugged. "OK." She went back to dressing the doll in her hand in a beaded gown, saying, "I think I'll wear this one to the movies, Midge."

Chris watched her for a little longer then rubbed his fingers along the edges of the frame as he lifted it. "Uhhh, Jenny? I uhhh . . . kinda made you somethin'"

That got his sister's attention and she dropped the doll to bounce over to him, "Oooooo, you did? At camp? Can I see it?"

Chris nodded and showed her the frame. He watched as her eyes scanned over it first then her face broke out into a huge smile."Oh Chris! This is sooo pretty!" She fingered the braid, "Just like on Tate's harness! And a cross just like on Daddy's and Uncle Johnny's cars!" She turned to hug her brother. "I love it love it, loveit!"

Chris returned the hug with one arm before pulling back. "It's . . .it's a picture frame. I thought, maybe, you could put the picture of you and . . .and Uncle Johnny . . ." He shrugged, "You know, ta kinda make up for . . .for the one I, uhhh, the one that got broke."

Jenny looked the frame over closer then scrambled to her dresser. She pulled the damaged picture out of her top drawer and brought it over saying, "Would you help me?"

Chris nodded and carefully slid the picture into the frame. It fit perfectly and the two children just stood there staring at it.

Chris found a sudden weight seemed to have settled on his chest as he stared at the image while Jenny smiled happily oblivious. "This is great, Chris. Thank you." She touched the image with one finger. "I can't wait to show this to Uncle Johnny when we go see him today."

At that Chris felt his breath catch. Without thinking about what he was saying, he blurted out, "We're not going to see Uncle Johnny today. We're not going to see him ever again."

He felt his sister freeze and she turned large blue eyes up to him. Her face was pale and her eyes wide as she asked in a small voice. "Wh . .what do you mean, never again?"

Chris took her arm and led her back over to her bed. Both children sat on the edge. Jenny's eyes never left her brother's face, her hands clutched tightly to the picture. Taking a deep breath Chris began. "Remember you told me Uncle Johnny was here and he was hurt?"

Jenny nodded, "Yes. He had bandages all over him everywhere and Mommy, Daddy and I had to feed him 'cause his hands were all wrapped up and Daddy had to even help him walk."

Chris nodded. "And then you said that an ambulance came and took him back to the hospital."

Jenny nodded again, silent now as she began to see where her brother was going with this. Both children knew ambulances were for very sick or very hurt people. Chris inhaled deeply and stated his case. "Dad took back the wheelchair saying Uncle Johnny didn't need it anymore. If he . . . Uncle Johnny I mean, were coming back here, he would still need it here. Since you said he couldn't use his hands he couldn't've gone home. And Dad and Mom have been real sad, and Dad hasn't been gone from the house much, right?"

Jenny nodded her head, tears beginning to fill her eyes.

Chris sighed, nodding sadly. "That's what I thought. 'Cause if Uncle Johnny were still in the hospital, Dad would be spending most of his time there with him."

"No." Jenny whispered.

Chris looked at the picture, his eyes on the smiling faces of his sister and their adopted Uncle. "And there's been food brought over by bunches of people. Lots and lots of food. I've seen it and I know you have too."

Jenny nodded, the tears that filled her eyes began overflowing and now just hung from her lashes.

Chris continued, his voice starting to waver. "You remember when Julie's other Grandma died? Everybody brought them lots and lots of food and everyone walked around sadlike and kept saying how they'd miss her." He took a shuddering breath, "Just . . .just like Dad and Mom keep saying about . . .about . . ."

"NOOOOOOO," Jenny wailed and Chris reached out, pulling her close as his own tears began to fall as well. "HE'S NOT! HE CAN'T BE! HE PROMISED! NO! NO CHRIS! HE PROMISED! HE TOLD ME HE'D GET BETTER!"

Chris held her closer as he whispered, "I know… I know"

"What is going on in here!" JoAnne demanded. Both children turned toward her as her shocked gaze went from one tear streaked face to the other. Jenny pulled herself free from her brother as their mother opened her arms. Both children snuggled up to their parent; Jenny looked up, tears streaming from her eyes. "Tell me . . . he's . . . he's not . . . Mom . .. my." She sobbed.

"Who's not what sweetheart?" Jo asked bewilderedly as one hand stroked her daughter's hair while the other encircled her son's shaking shoulders.

Jenny was shaking her head now, "That he's . .. not dead. I don't want . . . him to be .. .. dead. Please Mommy . .. . say he's not dead." She buried her head deeper into her mother's side as she sobbed broken heartedly.

"Who's dead?" Jo looked from one child to the other.

"Un . . .cle John . . .ny." Came the muffled reply.

Shocked, Jo could only exclaim, "Who told you Uncle Johnny was dead?" She glared at Chris. "Why on earth would you say . . ." Her words died out as she realized her son was upset as her daughter.

She hugged them both tightly then dropped to one knee. "Uncle Johnny is not dead." She said firmly. She squeezed them again as she repeated a little louder. "Do you hear me? Uncle Johnny is _not_ dead."

Both children pulled back slightly to look into their mother's face; Jenny's tear reddened eyes trusting while Chris looked skeptical. "You . . .you pro . .. .mise?" the little girl hiccupped. Jo smiled as she wiped the tears from her daughter's cheeks. "Yes. I just packed him a lunch of lasagna and your Daddy took it to him in the hospital."

"Really?" Chris asked.

Jo nodded. "Really. Now, why don't you tell me what made you think such an awful thing?" She asked as she lead them into the bathroom. While she wiped their faces with cool washcloths and cleaned runny noses, both child told her of their conversation and Chris's assumptions. She sighed as she realized how the activities of the household would have looked to their just returning son. She continued to reassure her children but stopped cold as Jenny asked timidly, "Then . .. if he's not dead . . ." She sniffled a little and finished, "Can we go see him?"

Jo looked at Chris who cocked his head at her and raised one eyebrow, looking way too much like his father questioning her at that moment. She swallowed, her mind racing, trying to come up with a good answer when the shrill ringing of the telephone broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Why don't we go to the kitchen and you two can have a glass of milk and a cookie while I answer that." She hurried them off even as she spoke.

She scooped up the still ringing phone even as she pulled open the fridge and retrieved the milk. "DeSoto residence."

Her husband's excited voice filled her ear as she poured two glasses and set them down in front of her children. "You saw him?" She paused, her body stilling as she listened closely to her husband. She let out the breath she'd unconsciously been holding in a barrage of questions, "Oh thank God! How does he look? Is he better? Is he still so thin?"

As he answered her rapid fire queries she pulled the long cord around the corner into the laundry room and perched on the stool there. She listened, a smile on her face as he told her "Jo, he's talking again."

"Oh Roy, that's wonderful!" She smiled as he continued. Her eyebrows went up at his next bit of news. "His father? He told you something about his past?" That was good news. The times she'd heard Johnny talk about his past were few and far between. When Roy paused for breath, she broke in, knowing she had to tell him what had just happened. "That's terrific but Roy? We have a problem. I just had to calm down your nearly hysterical children. Chris had Jenny in tears." She could hear the frown in Roy's voice at her announcement.

"Yes, he did. He told his sister that they were never going to see Johnny again." She nodded, "I don't think he was trying to be mean, Roy. It seems that talk you had with him last night didn't quite go as you thought. Apparently it only confirmed our son's suspicions that Johnny was dead."

She pulled the phone away from her ear at her husband's loud exclamation then placing it back she confirmed, "You heard me. He thought Johnny was dead; that he had died in the hospital after he was taken back there in the ambulance and he told his sister that."

She paused, listening again, "Well, they explained it. Apparently . . ." And she went into the same reasoning her son had explained. "You have to admit, it does sound logical and with your talk last night . . ." She left that thought hanging.

He sighed and told her, "Hang on Jo, I've got an idea."

"I hope it's a good one. Jenny has already asked me to see Johnny if he's really not dead and I don't think Chris is still fully convinced. If there was some way they could perhaps just talk to him on the phone . . ."

She nodded as she relaxed a little, "All right. We'll be waiting for your call. I hope you can do something. I love you."

Her husband sent back his love and hung up. She walked back into the kitchen, hanging up the phone and leaned against the doorframe. Lost in her own thoughts, she watched her children eat their cookies, noting they still seemed too quiet.

She had no idea how long she'd been standing there when the shrill ringing of the phone made her startle. She closed her eyes briefly as she settled her breath then picked up the receiver. "DeSoto Residence."

"Jo." Came her husband's voice. "Get the kids . . ."

"He's going to talk to them?" She broke in, her voice showing her own

excitement at hearing from the man she thought of as a brother. "Roy, that's great!"

"No Jo," Roy's voice held more happiness in it than it had for a week, "Better

than that. Besides, he's asleep right now."

"Oh," Jo said, disappointed and wondering now what was going on.

"Jo, get the kids ready and come here. The doctor has ok'ed a visit. Johnny's

excited about it. Jo, you should have seen him. When I told him about what had happened with Chris and Jenny I thought I was going to have to hold him down." He paused then muttered, "Well, not that he isn't already kinda held down. But he was trying to get out of bed, begging Dixie to release him, determined to prove to our kids he was alive."

Jo's face almost hurt from the smile that stretched it. "It's alright? We can see

him? Oh Roy! That _is_ wonderful. I'll get the kids ready and we'll see you in about twenty minutes."

They said their good-byes and Jo hung up the phone. When she looked over at

the table, both kids were watching her closely. She turned her bright smile on them and announced, "Finish up and get some good clothes on. We're going to the hospital to see Uncle Johnny." Two sets of blue eyes merely blinked at her for several heartbeats. She looked from one to the other, "Well? Come on! Daddy and Uncle Johnny are waiting!"

Jenny seemed to unfreeze first, she blinked and then asked, "Really? We're really

going to go see him? Now?"

Jo nodded, "Yes. That is, as soon as you are ready. Now scoot!"

"Yaaaa! We're gonna go see Uncle Johnny! Are we gonna take him some food

so he can eat too Mommy? Dr. Brackett said he hasta eat to get better!" The words bubbled out of Jenny's mouth as she finished her drink and put the glass into the sink then bounced in front of her mother. Jo laughed, feeling lighter than she had for days. "No, remember I told you I sent food in with Daddy earlier. However, how about we stop and pick up some ice cream? I'm sure Uncle Johnny would like that."

Jenny clapped her hands, "Yes! Strawberry! That's my favorite!" She darted

off, singing "We're gon na go see Un cle Johnnnniiieee!"

Jo watched her leave, her own eyes sparkling. A noise at the sink caught her attention and she turned back to see her son putting his glass down. She gave him a puzzled look, "Chris? You don't seem very excited. Don't you want to see your Uncle Johnny?"

Chris avoided looking at his mother but gave a nod. "I wanna see him." He

replied. "I'd best go change." And he was gone, leaving his mother standing with her hands on her hips, more than a little bewildered by his actions. "Well," She told herself, "He'll soon see." Then she giggled and softly sing-songed, "We're gon na go see Un cle Johnniiieee." She laughed as she imitated her daughter as she ran to change her own clothes.

Before the hour was up, Jo had the ice cream and she and the kids were walking

into the main entrance of Rampart General. It had taken nearly fifteen minutes just to find a parking spot since many people had come to spend Sunday afternoon with hospitalized relatives. Once they were in the cool air conditioned lobby, Jo took Jenny's hand and cautioned Chris to stay close. "Remember; your best behavior." She warned them. "There are people here who are very sick and we need to be quiet and very very polite. No skipping, no loud talking and definitely no jumping on Uncle Johnny. He's still very sick."

Large blue eyes looked up at her, "Can I give him a hug?"

Jo smiled at her daughter, "If you're very careful, I think giving him a hug would

be alright." She looked over at her son who had his gaze cast downward, his hand clutching something in his pocket. He hadn't said anything since they left the house. "Chris?"

He looked up at her.

"Are you all right?"

He nodded then looked around the busy lobby, "Is he really here?" She smiled

gently, "Yes Chris. He's really here. He's on the fifth floor in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit. Just like I told you in the car."

Chris gave a nod as they walked to the elevator. A doubtful part of him had been

playing tricks on his mind since his mother's announcement. When they had turned down the road leading toward the church—and the nearby cemetery—his heart had felt funny in his chest. But his mother had only stooped at a store near there and bought the ice cream. Then they had headed straight for the hospital. Even though they were now in a elevator headed for the SICU, he still expected some nurse or doctor to suddenly appear and tell them that there was a mistake, and Uncle Johnny had died.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice the door slide open until he heard Jenny

squeal "Daddy!" He looked up as his father scooped up the little girl and kissed her forehead. "We brought ice cream for Uncle Johnny!" She told him.

"That's nice; I'm sure he'll like that." His father said as he kissed JoAnne's

cheek. "How is he?" She asked, the worry evident in her voice.

Roy smiled at his wife, "Better. He's still asleep but he's eager to see all of you."

Then he frowned and leaned closer to his wife. "The infection is abating but he's still running a fever. Doc ordered more tests and they drew blood about an hour ago. But," and now he smiled, "Dixie said his vitals were stronger."

Jo squeezed his arm, "Praise God." She murmured. Roy nodded and whispered,

"Amen."

Chris watched all of this closely. His dad's words allayed some of the voices of

doubt still ringing in his head. Then suddenly his father was looking at him, blue eyes meeting blue eyes. "Chris." His name was spoken with firmness and Chris couldn't help giving a gulp.

Jo took Jenny from Roy's arms and gave her husband's arm a warning squeeze. "I'll go have the nurses put the ice cream into a freezer until we want it." She said.

Roy acknowledged her with a slight nod. Then he stepped forward and laid a hand on his son's shoulder. "Son, I'm sorry if our talk last night gave you the wrong impression. I was only trying to ease your fears, not add to them." He tightened his hold briefly, "I'm sorry, Chris."

Chris kept his gaze on his dad as he nodded, his hand clutching in his pocket so hard it nearly hurt. Roy smiled and clapped his hand on his son's shoulder. His smile broadened as Jo and Jenny rejoined them. "Alright! Now. How about we go see that partner of mine?" He lead the family over to the room marked '3' and Chris could see the name on the placard said, "Gage, John." He gulped, more than a little afraid of what he would see.

Their mother had spent part of the ride over explaining about the way the doctors'

had braced their uncle's injured hands and what other things there might be attached to him to help him. The preteen peeked around the corner and watched as his father advanced into the room. He could see the strange rigging surrounding the bed, the bedside table pulled close holding a pitcher and a glass with a straw on it. He could see someone lying in the bed, covered with a sheet and blanket but the face was hidden by the rigging and table.

Roy stepped close to his friend and laid his hand on Johnny's shoulder. "Johnny.

Wake up. They're here." Johnny's head moved and he shifted his position. His eyelids flickered but didn't open. Smiling, Roy gave the shoulder a slight shake, "Wake up, junior. You've got company." At that, sleepy brown eyes opened and blinked at him, becoming more focused with each blink. A grin spread across the younger man's face. "Roy? They here?" He croaked out then coughed. Roy instantly placed the straw to the water glass to his lips and he drank. Once he pulled back, Roy replaced the glass and reached for the controls to the bed. "Yeap. They're here. Let's sit you up some."

He raised the head of the bed so that Johnny was more comfortable and eager

brown eyes turned toward the figures standing hesitantly in the doorway. The grin spread wider across his face and he called out, "Hey! Don't be shy; come here!"

That was all it took. Jo rushed forward, still holding onto Jenny. "Uncle

Johnny!" Jenny squealed. Jo held her so she could wrap her arms around her Uncle's thin frame. With his arms restrained, Johnny couldn't return the hug, but he tucked his chin into the back of her head and used that to hold her close. "Hi there, Kiddle." He whispered into her ear. "Oh Uncle Johnny." The little girl cried, "I missed you so much. I was afraid you weren't getting anything to eat but Mommy said the nurses were taking care of you."

"They were, sweetheart; they take good care of me." He told her, nuzzling the

back of her head and inhaling the sweet scent of her hair with his eyes closed. Jo and Roy watched the tender reunion; Jo's eyes filled with tears and Roy discovered his vision seemed to get all blurry again. Then Jo put Jenny down and immediately took her place. She stared down at the dark haired man for several seconds as he grinned up at her, "Oh Johnny. You're still way too skinny." She burst out then pulled his body close to hers. She could feel his chuckle vibrate through his body as well as hear it, "I'm sure your cooking will take care of that." He teased.

"Well, it might be a challenge but one I gladly accept." She teased back as she

released him. He looked over his adopted family as they gazed at him with love. Then he paused frowning slightly, "Roy? Where's Chris? Didn't he come?'

Roy looked around, "He was right here Junior . . .." He broke off as he scanned

the room but there was no sign of his son. Johnny's face took on a sorrowful expression. "He doesn't want to see me?" he asked, the pain that thought caused him showing in his voice.

Immediately both parents inhaled, preparing to assure the bed-ridden man that wasn't the case but before either one of them could utter a syllable a quivery voice spoke up, "No Uncle John-ny. I want to . . .to sssee you." Chris came slowly into the room, his tear filled eyes taking in every inch of the figure in the bed. It was the first time he'd seen his uncle since the Memorial Day picnic and the difference was a little frightening to the preteen.

Roy and Jo stepped back from the bed, pulling Jenny back as well, letting Chris

and Johnny have a moment.

Johnny watched Chris as his eyes traveled over the injured man's badly marked body, lingering on the restrained hands, resting for several heartbeats on the still healing cuts on his arms and neck, then traveling slowly up to his still bruised and cut face. When blue eyes finally met his, Johnny gave him a gentle smile. "C'mere Chris."

Chris moved closer bit by bit until he stood at Johnny's bedside, neither one took their gaze off the other. Johnny's smile was loving and gently as he softly said, "See? I'm not dead."

Chris's eyes swept over his uncle's body again before returning back to his face, "You don't look too lively either." He mumbled. Johnny blinked at him a second, then threw back his head and laughed until he broke off coughing. Chris reached over and placed the straw of the water glass to his uncle's lips just as his father had done, "Here Uncle Johnny, drink." He watched as Johnny did just that then replaced the glass saying, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you choke."

Johnny shrugged as much as he could and made a frown while making a dismissive sound through his nose, "Forget it." He said. "Laughing is good therapy; it gets the blood flowing and oxygen deep into your lungs." He glanced over at his partner with a lop sided grin. "Right partner?"

Roy grinned back, "Actually, he **is** right Chris."

Johnny rolled his eyes, "Well, don't act so surprised. I do know a thing or two." He scoffed which finally caused Chris to give a faint smile and relax marginally. Johnny grinned at him then shifted in the bed so he could lean a little closer. "Here, climb up here a bit. I've been dy . .. uhh," He caught himself on the word, and quickly changed it, "real eager to hear all about your week at camp." As Chris climbed carefully up on the edge of the bed, Johnny expounded excitedly, "So… was it fun? What was your cabin like or did you have a tent? Was the weather good? Did you get to do any hiking? What about badges, what badges did you get to work on?"

That was all it took. Soon Chris was very animatedly telling more about his week than his parents had heard. He told Johnny all about his cabin and his cabinmates. He described the rope bridge he'd helped make as well as the trails he'd helped blaze. He grumbled about the washing area and Johnny laughed, saying he knew exactly what the boy meant. Johnny listened with just the right emotions and reactions as Chris relayed the story of Neil's heroism. He laughed over some of the silly jokes Chris had learned. Finally Chris seemed to be talked out and sat just staring at his uncle. "Well bucko, it sounds like you had a great time." Johnny grinned broadly, his eyes twinkling merrily.

Suddenly Chris seemed to droop, his gaze dropping to the sheet he twisted between two fingers of one hand, the other still deep in his pocket. He shrugged his shoulders. "It was alright, I guess."

Johnny made a scoffing sound, "Just all right? Chris, from what you just told me it sounded incredible!"

Chris shrugged again then looked up at his uncle through his lashes, "It wasn't as good as the last campout I had with you."

Johnny stopped, understanding in his brown eyes. "Oh." He gave a gentle smile, "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." Then he tilted his head slightly and squinted his eyes as his face took on a contemplative look. "You know," he said in a musing tone, "once I get out of here I'm sure I'll have ta take some time off –to heal right and for therapy and stuff." He looked at Chris who nodded in agreement but didn't really have any idea where his uncle was going with this thought. Johnny now began to slowly grin, "And camping is great therapy, lots of stuff to do with your hands. Soooo," He glanced at Roy and winked before turning back to Chris with a serious expression, "Do you think maybe you and your dad could go with me? You know, just to like help me ohhh, say, gather firewood and to get the tent up, stuff like that that I might have a little trouble with at first. Do you think you'd be able to help me with that?"

Chris looked deep into the brown eyes watching him, seeing nothing but earnest encouragement there. His face finally broke into a grin and he reached out, wrapping his arms around his Uncle's body and pulling him close. Johnny let out a "oofff" of surprise but slightly shook his head when Roy took a step toward him. He dropped his head down, using his chin to return the hug as much as he could, just like he had done with Jenny.

"I'd really love that, Uncle Johnny." Chris whispered in his ear. "I was really afraid you were . . ." He paused as his voice hitched, "And I wasn't sure I wanted to ever go camping again if you were."

"Well I'm not dead, and I'm gonna get out of here soon so don't you worry." He told the boy, moving his head so his cheek rubbed the back of Chris's head. "OK? We good?"

Chris nodded and pulled back so he could see into Johnny's face. "Yeah," he nodded, "We're good."

"Good." Johnny pronounced then looked at his partner's son, his own gaze very serious. "Chris? I want you to make me a promise. Can you do that for me?"

Chris hesitated then gave a faint nod. Johnny's voice was firm and authoritative as he spoke. "Chris, I want you to promise me you will always remember this conversation. I love camping and being outdoors; it's a part of who I am."

Chris nodded as he agreed with what his uncle said.

Johnny gave a firm nod too as he continued, "I know you know my job can be very dangerous . . . ."

Again Chris gave a nod, fainter though now. Roy began to frown, "Johnny . ." he broke in but Johnny cut him off. "No Roy. I want you to promise me this also."

He looked over at Roy and waited until he, too, gave a reluctant nod before he continued. "If some day something happened to me, don't you even think about never going camping again. I wouldn't want you to give that up. In fact, the best way you could honor me would be to go camping. Go on a hike, take lots of pictures, find a nice stream and fish, do the things I wouldn't be able to anymore. You promise?"

Chris bit his lip as he looked straight into his uncle's eyes then he gave a nod. Johnny shifted his gaze to Roy.

"Johnny . . ."

"Roy..?" Johnny spoke his name firmly but his eyes said more. Reluctantly and with a great sigh, Roy too nodded.

Johnny now gave a slight smile just turning up his lips, "And when you do, I'll be right there with you, just like before."

The three 'men' exchanged glances as Roy stepped forward, placing one hand on his partner's shoulder and one on his son, connecting them in the promise. The long moment was broken when Jo and Jenny returned with plates and the ice cream. Jo had left with the squirmy girl while Johnny and Chris talked. She knew that for a few moments, her son needed his uncle's undivided attention and Jenny had begun to whine that she wanted to talk to Uncle Johnny too.

Now they waved the plates as they came forward. "We've got the plates and the spoons. Now, let's have some ice cream." Jo brightly said. Roy took the container and began filling bowls and passing them out. "Mommy got the napepolan ice cream 'cause she wasn't sure what flavor to get." Jenny giggled.

Johnny smiled, "That's my favorite kind."

Jenny frowned, "I thought before you said chocolate was your favorite."

Johnny gave a nod, "It is."

Chris looked confused, "Uncle Johnny? You told me that bubble gum was your favorite. Like the kind we got that day at the one store with all the different flavors." He giggled, "'Member? We picked the bubble gum pieces out of the ice cream then had a bubble blowing contest and yours popped all over your face."

Johnny chuckled, "I remember, bucko. And it is."

Now it was Jenny's turn to be confused, "But . . if I'm right and Chris is right and Mom was right . . . How can that be right?"

Roy rolled his eyes at his partner as he filled a spoon and placed it to Johnny's lips. "I think what Uncle Johnny means is whatever kind of ice cream he's eating at the time is his favorite." Johnny's eyes twinkled as he took the bite, closing his eyes in pleasure as the sweet mixture melted soothingly down his throat. "You're right, Pally!" He grinned even as he moved to get another bite.

"We're all right!" Jenny crowed, "'cause Uncle Johnny just loves ice cream!" Everyone laughed. Roy interspersed his own treat with bites for his partner, making sure his mouth was never empty long. It made that happy feeling in his heart overflow as he watched the obvious pleasure his younger friend was getting as his gaze went from one person to the other, his brown eyes sparkling and the grin never leaving his face.

"Well! You're all in here having a party and no one invited me?" Came a voice as the door closed. No one had even noticed it opening. All eyes turned to see Dixie standing there, her hands on her hips and her face stern but her eyes twinkling merrily. Johnny tried—and failed—to quickly emptied his mouth and instead ended up burbling, "C'mon in and have a bowl, Dix!" Frowning at the odd sounds his cream-coated voice had made, he swallowed again as Roy placed the straw to his lips. "Don't choke." He cautioned as Johnny drank. Johnny glared up at his nursemaid and Roy chuckled.

Once he pulled back, he muttered something in Dakhota and Roy chuckled again as he patted the dark haired man's shoulder. "You want more, Johnny?" He quietly asked. Johnny looked at the amount still in the dish and sighed heavily. Although he had been enjoying the treat and he did _want_ more, there was no way he could eat any more at that moment. Roy nodded his understanding and discretely threw the still half filled dish away before turning his attention back to his own bowl. Dixie had wrapped a BP cuff around Johnny's upper arm and was now letting it deflate. Johnny's guests had quieted their talk in respect for her, knowing she needed to hear to get an accurate reading. That done, she took his pulse, grinning at him as she commented, "Still chugging away on all cylinders."

He grinned back as she took the thermometer out and shook it down. He frowned now, "Uhh, Dix? I just ate ice . . oh." He stopped as she pushed the glass tube into the crease of his armpit and gentle pushed his arm a little more closed. To oblige her, he shifted his body so that he was more closely holding that arm against his side, even if that made the other arm pushed out at a more uncomfortable angle.

"Which flavors, Dixie?" Jo asked, the serving spoon hovering above the frozen treat. The nurse looked into the container, "mmmm, Neapolitan. I'll take some of each."

"Alright." Jo acknowledged as she scooped up a fair amount. She placed the bowl on the bedside table and disappeared into the bathroom. She returned with a wet washcloth. She first washed Jenny's face then grabbed Chris's. "Motherrrr . . ." he groused and Johnny chuckled. Dixie removing the thermometer, distracted him, and as she moved back he flinched when his vision was obscured by something wet and white. "ummppfff!" he exclaimed and then it was gone. Both Jenny and Chris giggled helplessly as Johnny scowled at Jo who looked at him with one eyebrow raised, "Motherrr!" he imitated Chris. The two children dissolved into laughter again as Roy suddenly had trouble with a 'cough' behind his hand.

"I don't tolerate dirty faces and you know it." She told him firmly. "And I'm not old enough to be your mother, young man."

Johnny grinned sheepishly at her, dropped his head and mumbled, "You're right: I'm sorry." His eyes took on a wicked glint when he lifted his head and added, "Big Sisterrrrr."

Dixie chuckled at the antics as she marked her readings down in his chart. Once she shut the cover, Jo handed her her bowl and spoon. The conversation remained pleasant as the four adults got caught up while the two kids filled out some puzzle books Jo had brought with her. Suddenly Jenny looked up from the picture she was tracing, a frown on her face. "Uncle Johnny? Who's taking care of Tate and PQ while you're here?"

"My neighbor, Bud Spencer is." He replied.

Roy nodded, "I met him; nice guy."

Johnny grinned as he agreed, Roy's grin turned a little evil as he added, "He said he knew you as a boot."

Johnny's grin faltered, "Now Roy . . ."

Roy nodded, "Yep. Bet he knows lots of good stories about your boot days."

Johnny's eyes took on a slightly panicked look, "Roy, c'mon now."

Roy seemed to be thinking it over, "Bet Chet would pay dearly for that information . . ." he mused.

Johnny's eyes now went wide. He whined, "You wouldn't . . ." Roy lifted an eyebrow and tilted his head, "I might." Johnny whimpered and dropped his head.

A small hand smacked Roy's leg and he looked down in surprise into a set of angry blue eyes. "Don't you dare, Daddy." Jenny huffed at him, her hands on her hips. "Don't you dare tell Mr. Kelly anything that he might use to hurt Uncle Johnny. He gets mean." As suddenly as the anger had come it dissolved and tears filled her eyes. "you . . . you need to 'pologize to Uncle Johnny." She stuttered. "You . . .you pro . . .promised you wouldn't be mean to . . to him anymore . . .like . .. like you were before he got hurt."

Instantly all four adults reacted. "They're just teasing each other, sweetie." Dixie soothed, "They do this all the time!"

Roy bent down quickly as he tried to comfort his daughter, "oh honey, I wasn't serious. I wouldn't really do that. I was just kidding Johnny."

Johnny sat as forward as he could, his face showing his alarm. "Jenny! It's ok! Your daddy was just teasing me! I'm not really upset!"

"Jenny," Her mother began as she reached for the little girl. Jenny darted out of their reach and launched herself up onto the bed. Her small body impacted Johnny's with an audible smack and Johnny's breath left him with a whoosh as he was forced back into his pillows. Jenny hugged him tightly as she cried, "Don't go away again, Uncle Johnny. Please don't go away again. I didn't like it when you went away."

"G . . .go away?" He gasped as he drew breath back into his surprised lungs. Dixie tried to get her to release Johnny but she only clutched him tighter. Johnny gave a faint gasp of pain and Dixie instantly stopped what she'd been doing, not wanting to hurt her patient. Figuring the best way to get the obviously frightened child to release her tight grip was to calm her down, she asked in her best nurse voice. "What do you mean by 'go away', sweetie?"

"Uncle Johnny had to come to the hospital so the doctors could do tests to make sure he got the right medicines to make him better." Jo tried to explain.

"Yes honey. That's why he had to leave our house. It wasn't anything I did or said to him." Roy added.

Jenny shook her head, "No. no, not then. Before. When I came home and he was sick and staying in his room. I went in to give him the water and to talk to him but he wasn't there."

Suddenly Roy understood. He sat back on his hunches with a faint "oh." as he remembered. Jenny released her hold enough to look into her Uncle's brown eyes. "See? He's there now. I don't want him to go away again. It scares me."

Johnny looked at Jo and Dixie and seeing they were as confused as he, his gaze traveled on to Roy. Roy had a guilty look on his face and Johnny questioned, "Roy? What's she talking about?"

"When Jo first brought you home." Roy's voice was quiet as he painfully remembered those first few days. "That first weekend. Jenny had been at Joyce's when you got there. Then later she wanted to help feed you and give you water."

Johnny gave a faint nod, remembering. But his face showed he still didn't understand. Jenny was still clutching him tightly with one hand around his neck while the other held firmly to his chin, her blue eyes looking unwaveringly into his. By now Jo also was remembering and she put her hand to her mouth as Roy continued, "I . . . went up to tuck her in and . . .and she was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she asked me 'where has Uncle Johnny gone?'. I told her you hadn't gone anywhere; you were too weak to even get out of bed so I knew you were still downstairs. She insisted you were gone and she begged me to make you come back." His gaze raised up to face his friend's concerned gaze, "She told me you weren't there. She said she looked into your eyes and you weren't there." He finished in a near whisper. "And she was right."

Johnny gave a faint groan as his eyes closed. Jenny pulled herself closer to him, resting her cheek against his as she sobbed. "Please don't go away again, Uncle Johnny."

"I'm sorry, honey." Johnny's voice was soft and filled with remorse. He remembered vividly the apathy that had gripped him those dark days, the deadness he'd felt in his soul must have been seen in his eyes. "I'm sorry I scared you. I'll try not to ever scare you like that again."

She pulled back and looked him in the eye again. She watched as his eyes filled with tears and he blinked to hide them. "Promise?"

He gave her a gentle smile, "Promise." She hugged him again and this time when Dixie's hands attempted to lift her away, she released him. Dixie turned the child, giving her a hug herself. "It scared me too when he went away." She whispered in the little girl's ear. "And I'll make sure he keeps his promise."

She handed the child over to her mother who gratefully took her. Her fears quieted, Jenny's crying had ceased and now, tired, she laid her head on her mother's shoulder. "Looks like someone is sleepy." Jo stated.

Roy looked over at Johnny who was yawning mightily. "Looks like she isn't the only one." Jo followed his gaze and smiled as Johnny blinked at her. "Huh?"

She laughed at him then looked at her watch, "Oh good grief, Roy no wonder! It's nearly 7:30!"

Roy's eyebrows raised, "Really? It sure didn't seem that long." He picked up the books and placed them back into the cloth bag Jo had brought. He nudged Chris where the boy was engrossed in a novel. "Chris. It's time to go."

Chris looked up and around. Dixie had returned to her nursing duties, his sister was draped limply over his mother's shoulder. He turned back to his uncle, seeing Johnny's head was leaning back into his pillows, his eyes blinking sleepily. He slid the paperback into the back pocket of his jeans and carefully went over to the hospital bed. "Uncle Johnny?"

Johnny pulled open his eyes fully and sat up a little more, "Yeah Bucko?"

Chris reached into his pocket and carefully pulled out a wad of fabric. "Uncle Johnny? I ummm, made you something while I was at camp. I was gonna wait to give it to you on your birthday but . . ."

"You don't have to give it to me now," Johnny interrupted, "Why don't you just hold on to it and give it to me then."

But Chris adamantly shook his head. "No. I don't want to wait. When I thought you were . . you weren't ever gonna have a birthday again, I put it in my pocket. By keeping it there, it made me feel like I was still holding on to a piece of you."

The boy's words were having a profound effect on the injured paramedic. "You don't have to give it to me, Chris." He said softly. "Why don't you just continue to hold on to it."

Chris looked at the lump of cloth then shook his head. "No." He stated, his voice firm. "Now that I know you're gonna be alright, I want you to have it. Last night I kept trying to imagine what it would be like when I could give it to you." He moved closer to the bedside as he began unwrapping the bundle. "And now I don't want to imagine it any more: I want to see it."

That said, he pulled the last bit of cloth away and extended his hand so that the paramedic could see. Johnny leaned forward then his breath came in a audible gasp, his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open.

"Oh. Wow. Chris! You made this? For me?" He leaned as close as he could, his body straining forward until his arms were almost straight out behind him. Roy finally took pity on his friend, "For cryin' out loud Johnny, you're gonna dislocate your shoulders." He pushed the younger man back into the bed and lifted Chris's hand. "Here, hold it up more so he can see, yeah, that's it."

Chris did as his father showed, even turning the knife sheath slowly so that Johnny could see it from different angles. When Johnny looked up, Chris blinked in surprise to see the admiration in his uncle's brown eyes. "Did you design this all yourself?" Johnny's voice was soft.

Chris nodded. "Mr. Reynolds showed me how to draw it out on graph paper then I used that as my pattern. See? I used the same star that's on your quilt. And the turtle? They told me it's the emblem for the Indian Nations and the divide colors on its back . . "

"Are the four directions, the four stages of life." Johnny finished, his voice still soft. How he longed to be able to touch the sheath, to turn it in his own hands feeling the weight of it and the smoothness of the beads. "And you did all the stitching and the leatherwork?"

Chris nodded, pleased to see the actual reaction he was getting from his uncle was better than any he had imagined. "Yeah. Mr. Reynolds helped me punch the holes and thread the awl but I did all staining and cutting."

Johnny's eyes hadn't left the sheath since Chris had revealed it. His mouth still hung slightly open but he was now silent.

"That's really something, Chris." Roy smiled at his son. "You did good work."

Chris shifted uncomfortably as Johnny still made no further comments. "It's . . . ok, right? I mean, I know your Dad made your other one and . .. and I know this can't really replace that. But when I saw your old one had that hole, I got the idea and when they told us we had to make something leather for our badges, well, I didn't just want to make a dumb old key holder or a coin purse. Uhhh . .." Chris's voice trailed off.

Johnny finally raised his head, breaking his gaze from the sheath to look at Chris. To Chris's surprise he noticed his uncle's dark eyes seemed to be tearing. "Uncle Johnny? Are you alright?" He asked in a small voice.

Johnny slowly shook his head, "It's . . .it's. wow. I'm . . . I'm so flattered you thought of me. I can't believe you made this for me!" Then his face broke into a dazzling smile. "Thank you!"

Chris smiled shyly. "So, you like it?"

"Like it?" Johnny's eyebrows raised as high as they could go, "I love it! I wish I could put my knife in it right now." He looked back at the gift again and shook his head in wonderment, "Chris, this is perhaps the best birthday gift I've received in a long time."

Chris placed the sheath on the bedside table and reaching out, pulled his uncle into a tight hug. "Thank you Chris." Johnny told him as he rubbed his chin on the back of the boy's neck. "Thank you very much." He pulled a little further away from the boy and Chris looked him in the eye. Johnny smiled, slightly inclining his head as he said, "Pilamaya aloh, Chrisopher."

Chris's face broke out in a huge smile, then he inclined his head and very seriously replied, "You are very welcome, Uncle John."

Once Jo and the kids had left, Johnny leaned tiredly back into his pillows and let out a long sigh. Roy nodded his head in silent agreement. "Do you think that helped, Roy?"

Roy again nodded, "Johnny, I think just seeing you helped."

Johnny frowned at his trapped limbs. "You don't think me looking all trussed up like this upset them?"

Roy chewed his bottom lip before he carefully answered. "I think it upset them." When he saw the pained look in his partner's eyes he quickly went on. "I think it upset them that you are here, in the hospital and hurt. I think that upsets them because they care for you and don't want to see you hurt. But I still think the visit was good for them."

He now grinned at his partner, "And your idea about them going out to your place and personally checking on your pup, Tate and PQ for you was great. It'll give them something to do, something to help them feel like they are helping you."

Johnny smiled shyly and again Roy wondered at the sometimes timid side he saw of his mostly gregarious partner. Then Johnny sighed again and licked his dry lips. Roy immediately filled a glass with water and offered the straw to him. Johnny drank deeply then sat back with a nod. "That was good; thanks."

"Thought you looked a little dry there, partner," Roy answered. Johnny nodded in agreement then tried to stifle a yawn. "Just close your eyes and rest for a while, Junior." Roy soothed him. Johnny nodded again then suddenly looked up, eyes wide.

Roy chuckled, "I'll be right here, Johnny. You still have the dinner Jo brought to eat, remember?"

"Oh. Yeah." Johnny grinned broader at the thought of the scalloped ham and potatoes with Mary Spenser's apple crisp for dessert. Content for the moment, he let sleep pull him under. Roy watched as Johnny's face eased into the laxness of sleep. He drank the last of his coffee and left to refill the cup. The floor was quiet and he ended up leaning on Dixie's desk, talking with the nurse while she charted.

Johnny only dozed for about an hour as a growing sense of unease filled him. He woke up suddenly, his eyes hurting and his throat felt dry. He coughed and tried to suck moisture into his mouth. '_Wha…?_' Johnny frowned as he shifted uncomfortably in the bed. Something was going on…. Still frowning he cataloged the feelings. Eyes burning, mouth and lips feeling like he hadn't had a drink in days, he was cold despite the sheet and light blanket pulled up to his chest. He tallied up all his symptoms then he calculated the results and it dawned on him what was happening. A faint unconscious whimper escaped him. Not again….

Roy had just returned to the room in time to hear his partner. Instantly he was at his side. "Johnny?"

Johnny looked at his friend, "Get . . . nurse. . ."

A heavy feeling centered in his stomach as Roy looked his friend over. Sweat was beginning to bead on Johnny's upper lip and his eyes were becoming glassy. His hand reached for the younger man's flushed face even as Johnny looked up at him with a nod.

Roy knew by the heat he felt before his hand even came in contact with Johnny's skin. "Oh Johnny." He pushed the button as he turned. He quickly went into the bathroom and returned with a basin and a washcloth. By now Johnny was starting to shiver. "Easy Johnny, easy." He soothed as he wet the cloth and sponged off his friend's face.

"Roy," Johnny tried to wet his lips but couldn't find any moisture in his mouth. Roy looked into the dark amber eyes, saw the fear there and felt it echoed in his own soul. "No Johnny. You'll be fine. You'll beat this yet."

"Roy . . ." his voice was raspy and barely audible but the fear, and anguish was obvious.

"Shhhh, Johnny. Here, let's get your temp." He wiped off the thermometer and placed it under Johnny's tongue. Johnny moved restlessly in the bed as his body shook with chills.

Roy continued to bathe his face while sad brown eyes stared up at him. He took the thermometer out of Johnny's mouth just as Dixie came through the door. Before the smiling nurse could utter a greeting Roy announced. "Dix, his fever's spiking. It's 103.4"

Johnny groaned at the news and Dixie immediately came forward to do vitals. Now that Roy had taken his temp, he offered Johnny more cool water which the younger man immediately sucked down.

Dixie frowned as she recorded the elevated respirations and still low blood pressure. Johnny still stared at Roy, his eyes now filling with tears. "Roy, I don't . . . I can't . . ."

Roy wiped off his neck. "Yes Johnny. Yes, you can. I'll be with you every step of the way."

"Watuka, Roy." He murmured, his eyes blinking slowly. He shook his head as he looked at Roy and repeated in English, "I'm just so tired of this, Roy."

Roy nodded as he placed his hand on his friend's shoulder, "I know you are Johnny. I understand. But just keep hanging in there."

Johnny looked up at him and gave a slow nod.

**TBC…**

_Author's notes._

_I wanted to say a few words to those of you who have stayed with me on this. As Johnny would say "Pilamaya aloh" or in my nation's tongue, Tizameh. In English, Thank you very much. I hope to have this all finished up by the end of the year…my muse has given me the pieces missing from this point until the ending, which has been written for months. Real life has finally slowed down as well. All summer long, I was the only EMS provider 24/7 for a rotating schedule of 200 people each week at a summer camp. I handled everything from homesickness to severe concussions and EVERYTHING inbetween! I now have now started a new job as an inhome healthcare provider and actuality have some free time to devote to writing! Hang on! We're almost there! (Cello music…..) Kent is coming!_


	40. Chapter 40

"Johnny, I'm going to start an IV on you. We don't want you getting dehydrated. Open your mouth, I've got some Tylenol for your fever." Dixie told her patient. Both men were surprised; they hadn't even seen her leave but there she was with an IV setup and medication. Johnny opened his mouth and she plopped the pills in then placed the straw to his lips. He drank, swallowing harshly to get them down. Then he pulled back and laid into his pillows again.

"I've sent a message to Dr. Brackett. He's waiting on your last blood results before he changes your medications." She told him. "He did order a cooling blanket. They're bringing it up now." She patted his arm as he blinked at her. "Don't worry Johnny. We'll get you through this." She stayed with him a few minutes more, monitoring his vitals as Roy continued sponging off his body. Soon the door opened again and an orderly came in with the cooling blanket.

Gently, Dixie stripped the sheet and blanket from Johnny's shivering body. Roy looked up at the nurse, "Head and shoulders first? Or side to side?"

Dixie frowned, "I think head and shoulders first." Roy nodded and, placing his hands carefully on his partner's shoulder's, he lifted Johnny away from the bed. The orderly rolled half of the cooling blanket then placed it behind the ill paramedic as Dixie directed. "Careful of his arms now. Ok Roy, lean him back."

Roy did so, glancing down into his friend's face as he did. He tried a slight smile of reassurance at the brown eyes intently watching him. Johnny blinked slowly as emotions flashed over his face: pleading, fear, weariness. Roy gave a silent nod as he read each of John's requests and answered them in like manner; a promise, reassurance, comfort. Dixie's voice interrupted the silent communication and Roy faced her.

Dixie had seen the visual conversation, recognized most of it and gave both of them a gentle smile as well as a faint nod as she too promised to uphold her part. "Roy, can you lift him yourself or do you need me to help?"

"I can get him," Roy answered as he placed his hands under Johnny's lower back and knees. He bent his knees and looked up at the waiting nurse and orderly as well as his partner, "Ready?" At their nod, he raised Johnny up off the bed. Dixie and the orderly unrolled the blanket and began smoothing it out over the bed. As the orderly worked his side, the blanket caught on something on the corner and stopped. Johnny's body jerked in Roy's arms and he gave a choked off groan, his legs squeezing together in a reflexive action. "Hold it!" Roy called. He carefully placed Johnny back into the bed on top of the mostly unrolled blanket then reached down to the end to pull the cooling blanket loose. As he discovered what it had caught on, he froze, his eyebrows first going up then crashing down in a deep frown. "Uhh, Dix? You might what to look at this."

Dixie looked up from where she'd been pulling the cloth blanket back over Johnny's shivering form while the orderly attached the cooling blanket to its unit and turned it on. She looked over at Roy's serious expression and walked around the bed.

As she bent to see what he was pointing at, Roy continued, "I think I found out what's causing the fever."

Dixie frowned as she saw what he had seen. The edge of the cooling blanket had hung up on part of the tubing of the foley catheter anchored in John. As Roy had released it, his attention caught on the tube filled with amber fluid …and streaks of crimson. Dixie's frown deepened as she now examine the bag. More crimson streaks swirled in the citrine solution. "Damn. We were worried about that."

She turned back to Roy. "Can you finish here? I want to get a sample and let Kel know so we can test it, but . . ." she glanced back at the fever-bright eyes watching them, "I think you are right."

Roy nodded to her as she quickly left. Johnny's gaze never left his partner's face as Roy once more began bathing him. "foley's been in too long." Johnny breathed. Roy gave a nod. "Looks like it. With the pain medication you're on, you woulda never felt it."

Johnny gave a soft groan as he closed his eyes. Dixie returned with a syringe and quickly removed the foley then took her sample. As she straightened up, Dix looked into the weary dark eyes of her patient as Johnny lay there shivering. "I'll be back in to check on you, Johnny. Roy will be here. You'll be alright." She knew that what she was saying was unnecessary but she just felt she had to say something to ease the two worried friends.

Roy had settled into a routine; bathing Johnny's face, neck and chest and occasionally offering him water for his dry throat and mouth, feeding him ice chips. Johnny remained silent, his fever-bright gaze firmly fixed on Roy as the senior paramedic softly soothed his friend.

As she left, Dixie glanced back at the two. Roy- carefully caring for his incapacitated partner, and Johnny- with his attention firmly locked on his friend. With a sad shake of her head, she went back to her other duties.

As the rest of the evening progressed, Dixie checked on Johnny every chance she could. Unfortunately, even with the cooling blanket, the Tylenol and Roy's continuous efforts, Johnny's fever raged ever upward.

It was with great trepidation Dixie greeted her replacement at 10:30. Shelly looked at the older nurse and frowned at the clear worry on her face. "We got one going sour, Dixie?" She asked softly.

Dixie sighed heavily, "God, I hope not." She muttered mournfully. Then pulling herself together, she turned to the other woman. "John Gage has spiked a fever. Last check was fifteen minutes ago and it was 104. He's on Tylenol and we've got him on a cooling blanket. He's getting wiped down but he's still chilling."

Shelly's eyes showed her sympathy. "Oh no. I thought he was doing better." Dixie sighed, "He was. Earlier he ate a good meal and enjoyed ice cream with Roy's family. Now . . ." She spread her hands in a helpless gesture. She suppressed her own emotions and continued as the experienced nurse she was.

"Dr. Brackett ordered tests done earlier this afternoon. He was concerned over the continuing fever and was hoping to find the cause. I imagine as soon as he gets the results, he'll adjust Johnny's medications." She made more notes on the chart in front of her. Then she pulled out the other charts for the current patients on the floor and reviewed their progress with Shelly. After she was done, she looked at the other woman. "I'm surprised to see you here. I thought today was your day off."

Shelly nodded, "It was. At least, it was until Tina called me and told me she'd just gotten back from St. Francis. Seems she went surfing today and broke her arm."

Dixie rolled her eyes at that bit of news. "So, I guess she's off the roster for awhile."

Shelly nodded again as she filled her cup with coffee, "At least until she's not on the pain relievers. I guess Lily will be my LPN?"

Dixie nodded, "Yes. But you only have one NA tonight. Instead of Mitzie Jenkins, there will be a student nurse named . . ." She shuffled through some papers then read, "Ummm, Sybil Davis. She's working rotation and SICU is hers tonight."

Shelly nodded. "OK. Lily and I can handle Johnny;" She smiled softly at the other nurse, "you can leave anytime, Dixie." She tilted her head and gave the older nurse at sideways look, "Unless, perhaps, there's someplace you want to be for awhile." The smile returned as she waved her hand over the desk. "I got things here."

Dixie smiled at her, "Thanks. I ummm," she gave her own sideways glance back at the younger nurse, "I think I'll just check on that stubborn patient in room 3."

Shelly laughed, "Maybe you should. He's a lot of trouble, that one."

Dixie agreed with a chuckle, then her face took on a worried look again, "Maybe," She murmured, "But he grows on you."

Shelly gave her a gentle smile, "Yes. He does." She laid a supportive hand on Dixie's arm, "We'll get him through this. The doctors will know what to do."

Dixie nodded, then remembered, "Oh. Roy DeSoto is still in there with him."

Shelly smiled broadly, "He is? That's great!" Then she rolled her eyes and gave a huge sigh, saying in a put on voice, "I mean, oh. great. I suppose I'll be tripping over him every time I try to do a vitals check." She continued to grumble but her eyes twinkled as she went on, "I bet he's in there, washing Gage down, monitoring his fever, feeding him ice chips, worrying his heart out . . ."

Dixie smiled as she nodded, "As a matter of fact, he is."

Shelly laughed. Before she could say anything else the phone rang. Dixie was closest so she answered it. "SICU. Nurse McCall speaking. Oh. Hello Captain Stanley."

"Hello Ms. McCall. I hope it's not too late. I just wanted to know how John Gage was doing." Came the voice of station 51's A-shifts' captain.

Dixie sighed as she dropped back into her chair. "Not too good tonight, I'm sorry to say."

"Oh?" She could hear the trepidation in the man's voice.

"Yes. Johnny's fever spiked about 9:00 this evening. We've started cooling measures and the doctors have done more tests."

Captain Stanley sighed as he muttered, "What more . . ." Then louder he stated, "I don't imagine that's too good for him. I was going to ask if we could swing by and see him tomorrow once we got off but I guess that's out of the question now."

"I don't know if Dr. Brackett will restrict his visitors or not. I would suggest you call again in the morning and see how Johnny is then." She truthfully told the firefighter. "Roy's with him now." She grinned to herself. "And I doubt anyone will be able to pry him loose from Johnny's side until this fever is back under control."

She could hear the brighter tone in the fire captain's voice. "Roy's there? With him?"

"Yes. He was feeding Johnny ice chips and wiping down Johnny's face last time I saw."

Again came a sigh, but this time it had a happier sound. "So he's back with him. Together they'll get John through this. Alright Ms. McCall, I will take your advice and call again tomorrow. In the mean time . . .."

"I'll leave a note for the night nurse to keep you informed of any changes." She finished for the fire captain. But before the grateful man could reply, tones sounded over the phone. Again she beat him to speaking, "Go. We've got things handled here. And be careful."

A terse "Thanks." And the receiver went dead. Dixie looked up at Shelly who nodded her understanding. "I've got it, Dix. Just leave me the station's number."

Dixie quickly pulled out Johnny's chart and looked in it. She gave a nod and pointed it out to the other nurse. "It's listed right here among contacts. Thanks, Shel."

She stood and drained her cup of the last dredges of cold coffee before placing it back on the desk and headed back into room #3. As she slowly pushed open the door, she listened to the murmured sound of soft voices coming from within.

"I h h h hate th th th thissss, R r r r ooyy." Came Johnny's chattering voice.

"I know, junior." Roy soothed as he wrung out the washcloth and wiped off Johnny's forehead.

Johnny blinked at his friend. "H h how isss it I'mm sssoo hot b b but I f feel l sssooo cold." He grumbled then made a disgusted face. "Aannnd d don't t t tell me it t ts j just th th th the way a b body w w works, I knnnow th th that."

Roy grinned at him, "So, in other words, that was just a Gage grumble and you aren't expecting an answer?" Johnny gave a wan grin and Roy chuckled softly. Johnny shifted his body, trying vainly to stretch out his legs and back. Roy watched the movement sympathetically. "Getting sore?"

Johnny nodded. Roy knew the way Johnny's body was shivering, his muscles would begin to ache from the abnormal use. He placed the cloth into the basin and swung the apparatus holding Johnny's left arm over the bed. "Here," he told the younger man, "let's put you on your side for awhile." He helped Johnny shift carefully onto his side. After Johnny faced the wall—and had his back to Roy—Dixie came forward. She smiled briefly at the surprised paramedic as she began massaging Johnny's shoulders and spasming back. Johnny gave a grunt as she hit one particularly knotted area of his lower back. She worked the muscle out and Johnny gave a sigh of appreciation when it eased. Then she moved lower and Johnny tensed up. "Uhhhh, Roy . . ."

Roy swallowed his smile and tried to keep his voice level. "Yes junior?"

Silence. Then . . . "Uhhh Roy, not th th that I d d d don't appre . . ciate all you've been d d d doing for me, I I I do. R r really, I do."

"Yes?" Roy egged him on, exchanging a smile with the head nurse. She could feel that even though his obvious discomfort showed in his voice, Johnny's overtaxed body was untensing under her skilled hands. Johnny shifted slightly away from her but Dixie didn't let up. She found another knotted area and began work on it. Johnny let out a long sigh and from his angle Roy could see his friend's eyelids drooping. "Roy?" Johnny's voice was a mere whisper now.

"Yes Johnny?"

"Ummmm, I . .. ah. It's just . . . uuuuhhhh,"

Roy ducked his head in silent laughter over the other paramedic's inability to complete his thought. "Uhhhh, Roy, that's nice and all . . ." Johnny paused again as he sighed deeply, "That's rrrrealllly niiiicccee but . . ." Now his voice was starting to slur and Roy began working the muscles across Johnny's upper back while Dixie moved to the backs of his thighs. Roy could see Johnny's eyes were unfocused and nearly closed. Then abruptly they flew open and he jerked. "Roy!" Johnny squeaked as he suddenly realized he felt _**four**_ hands on him. Roy placed a hand on Johnny's shoulder, leaned over his ill partner's body and spoke softly into Johnny's ear, his other hand still working the knot he'd found over Johnny's right scapula. "Relax junior. It's just Dixie and I. Try and get some sleep. I know you must be exhausted."

Johnny lifted his head, awkwardly looking over his back at the one kneading away the cramps in his legs. He smiled gratefully at Dixie when she looked up. Dixie returned the smile, "Hey handsome. Listen to your partner and relax." She kept her voice low and soothing as her hands worked. Johnny blinked lazily at her then his head settled back on his pillow. Soon Roy whispered, "He's asleep." Dixie nodded as she finished Johnny's legs and smoothed out the blanket across him.

"This the first time he's slept?" She whispered. Roy nodded, "yeah. He hasn't closed his eyes since he woke up after the kids left." Dixie nodded, she had a feeling the ill paramedic had been fighting to stay alert. It was one of the reasons why she'd taken the opportunity to do what she did when Roy had gotten Johnny on his side. She knew that if they had merely suggested it to Johnny, and even if she had ordered him, the younger paramedic would have refused to sleep. This way there was no argument; Johnny's own body had pulled him under.

They both stood there for several moments, just watching him. A crimson blush from the fever stained his cheeks, contrasting with his pale face and dark hair. His breathing was still quick but not the near panting it had been. His body wasn't shaking like it had been either and the hair across the back of his neck looked damp. Dixie reached forward, laying an experienced hand gently against Johnny's cheek. "Hand me that thermometer." She requested. Roy did so, hope in his eyes as she took it and after wiping it down, carefully placed it in Johnny's mouth. "His fever going down?" He asked quietly.

Johnny reacted to the bitter taste of the alcohol by drawing his head back and making a face. Dixie didn't release her hold but her other hand gently stroked the side of his cheek and his forehead as she made gentle 'shhhshing' noises. Johnny quickly settled back down without even opening his eyes. She waited the prescribe time and then pulled it out, turning it in the light to read that thin silver line. Roy leaned over her shoulder, trying to see as well. Dixie smiled up at him as she gave a firm nod then shook it down. "103.2. Finally going in the right direction."

Roy closed his eyes as his shoulders slumped and he whispered a heartfelt, "Thank God."

Dixie added her own silent, '_**Amen**_' then looked at the older paramedic. "Roy, you're near exhaustion yourself. He's asleep now and will hopefully stay that way for a while. Why don't you take a break; go eat something, put your feet up and relax awhile." She knew she should suggest he go home and get a proper meal and rest but also knew that idea would be nixed in a hurry. Roy hesitated, looking at his sleeping partner, then back at the nurse. She smiled gently at him. "I'll stay here with him." She shrugged. "I've got nowhere I need to be and tomorrow is my day off."

She gave the sandy haired paramedic a gentle but firm shove. "Go Roy. Get a break while you can. He may need you later and you can't help him if you're asleep on your feet."

Finally Roy nodded. As much as he hated to leave his friend, he knew Dixie was right. "Ok. But I'll be back soon."

Dixie glared at him. "You will not. You leave here right now, Roy DeSoto, and I don't want to see hide nor hair of you for at least the next hour."

Roy gave her a weak grin. "Yes ma'am." He reached out and laid a hand on Johnny's shoulder, carefully speaking softly into his partner's ear. "You sleep junior. I'm gonna go get a coffee and I'll be back. You just stay asleep."

Johnny's head turned marginally toward his partner at the sound of his voice but his features stayed slack and his eyes stayed closed. Roy gave the sweaty shoulder a pat, relieved that the heat coming from Johnny's body was a lot less than it had been. With a last look at Dixie, he left, closing the door quietly behind him.

Dixie watched him leave, then painstakingly moved the chair around to the opposite side of the bed. This way, Johnny was facing her and she was facing the door. She picked up the basin, replaced the cool water with more tepid and settled back. She began wiping the sweat off Johnny's face, neck and upper chest. He didn't move under her gentle touch. "That's it, my little Phoenix. You just keep sleeping. Rest is the best thing for you right now." She crooned softly.

With a loud crash, the door flew open as the student nurse pushed a cart through. Dixie shot to her feet, startled at the intrusion but not as badly as Johnny. His eyes flew open and his whole body jerked then he gave a groan at the pain the sudden motion caused. The nurse who had caused the ruckus froze at the sight of Dixie's glare. "I'm . . . . I'm sorry." She stammered. "I have the treatment for Mrs. Denton." She looked at the back of the figure in the bed, frowning. Instead of the obese grey haired elderly woman she expected, she saw dark hair cut short and a slender form under the blankets. She gulped as her face paled. "That isn't Mrs. Denton is it." She stated.

"No." Dixie's voice was firm. "Mrs. Denton is in Room 2, this is Room 3."

The girl turned paler. She didn't know who 'Gage, John' was in Room 3 but she knew that only the LPN and the floor nurse were to be responding to any calls from that room. And here was the woman she knew was the head of the ER sitting beside the patient with a basin of water near her and a cloth in her hand. She wasn't sure if she had interrupted a bath or cooling procedure. However, she had seen the patient jump, had heard him groan and there was no denying 'the look' she was receiving from the headnurse. With a rattle and more bumping, she backed the cart up, profusely apologizing all the way.

Dixie continued to glare until the shutting door blocked the errant nurse from sight. Johnny shifted again, pulling Dixie's attention back to her patient. '_**Damn'**_ was her first thought, '_**He's wide awake**_.' She glanced at her watch and sighed, '_**And he only sleep 15 minutes.**_' Wide brown eyes looked up at her. "What was that?" He questioned.

"Someone who's going to be very proficient at cleaning bedpans." Dixie growled. The edges of Johnny's lips curled slightly. "New nurse or aid?" He guessed. She nodded, "Student nurse on rotation." She told him. His grin widened a little, "Don't be so hard on her, Dix. We've all been there."

She nodded, instantly taken back to the serious, slightly nervous dark haired young man in a white doctor's coat attending Rampart's first paramedic class. She smiled softly at him, "Close those big brown eyes and go back to sleep, Phoenix."

He sighed as he stared up at the ceiling. "I don't think I can, Dix. I'm wide awake now."

Her shoulders sagged as she knew he was probably right. Johnny's eyes shifted around, searching the room as far as he could. She answered the question in them before he could even voice it. "I sent Roy for some coffee and food."

Johnny nodded, "Good. He was beginning to look about as ragged as I feel." Dixie gave a soft smile, warmed again by his concern of others over himself. Johnny sighed. "I'm getting really tired of all this, Dix." He moaned softly. She echoed his sigh and patted his arm, "I know you are, sweetheart. I know."

She rinsed off the cloth and wiped down his face again. He closed his eyes in appreciation and Dix kept up her ministrations, hoping the soothing sweeps would loll him back to sleep. But his quick respirations never changed so she knew that hadn't happened.

Johnny opened his eyes again shifting his legs in the bed. "Dix? My hip is getting sore . . ." She nodded and helped move him back onto his back. She elevated the head and the feet of his bed until he nodded. "There. Can you try to sleep again, Johnny?"

He sadly shook his head. So she sat down, resuming her wiping. "Don't worry, Phoenix, you know Kel is probably pouring over those test results and will soon order a change in your meds. I'm sure he'll hit the right combination."

"You mean he's still here?" Johnny blinked.

Dix smiled, "He has the graveyard shift but he came in early because it seemed a very stubborn patient was giving him trouble." To her chagrin her gentle teasing caused Johnny to color and duck his head. "I don't mean it."

She rested a hand on his neck, her fingers gently tracing his jaw like she had that small child so long ago. "Oh he knows that, Johnny. And believe me, no one can force Kel to do something he doesn't want to. He's worried about you; we all are." She patted his jaw, "We all want you to get out of that bed and back in your blues where you belong."

His eyes came up to look into hers, "I want that too. But I don't want Doc to wear himself out over me." He shrugged slightly, "I'm just one patient. He has so many, a whole department to take care of."

"And I will take care of them, hose jockey." Came a deep voice from the doorway. Kel Brackett entered the room, his eyes narrowed as he visually examined the figure in the bed. "I am quite capable of handling my duties, Fireman Gage. You," He smiled slightly to soften the deer-in-the-headlights look his downed paramedic was giving him. "You just concentrate on getting out of that bed and on your feet, like the good nurse told you." He read the chart in his hand, then looked at Dixie, "Fever's come down some?"

She nodded. "He's about due for another vitals check." She said as she stood and began doing just that. Johnny laid complacently as she checked his pulse, BP, respirations and temp, noting as she did it had increased 2 tenths of a degree, then reported the numbers to the doctor. Kel placed the stethoscope to his ears and listened to Johnny's lungs, having him move so he could listen front, back and sides. "Well," he said as he placed the stethoscope back into his pocket, "Your lungs still sound clear."

"That's good." Johnny acknowledged but he was still down over the low vital signs he'd heard.

"Johnny, just give it time. The infection is in your bladder like we suspected. I'm starting you on a new cocktail of antibiotics that I think will knock that right out. Then Dr. Bentley wants to see you sometime tomorrow to check your hands and probably remove the stitches. He might even be rebandaging your left hand."

That good news perked him up, "You mean I might finally be getting out of this torture device?" He pointed his chin to his trapped limbs. Kel nodded.

Johnny grinned widely, "You hear that partner? I might get freed tomorrow!" Kel and Dixie exchanged bewildered looks; neither seeing Roy in the room. But a voice just beyond the door startled them by replying, "I heard, junior. That's great news."

Roy walked into the room giving his friend a smile before he turned and shrugged at Dixie. "I, ummm, had some coffee and a Danish then came back up here in time to see Doc coming in here."

Kel looked at Dix, his brows raised, "How did he know . . .?" Dix shrugged. But truthfully, she wasn't surprised the bedridden man had sensed his partner nearby. Kel shrugged back and turned as Lily came in the door. She paused looking over the scene in front of her. '_**Well, not only the head nurse but the HEAD of the ER is here. Interesting**_.' She lifted the IV bags she had, "I have the new medications you ordered doctor." At his nod, she quickly attached it and checked to make sure it was flowing well, then left.

Kel put his hands in his pocket as he cleared his throat, "Well, I'd better get back downstairs. We're shorthanded tonight but I'll be back up later to check on you."

Johnny ducked his head as he mumbled, "You don't have to."

Kel nodded, "You're right; I don't have to. I know the nurses are more than capable of caring for you, as is your partner here." He nodded to Roy, then surprised his younger paramedic by laying a hand on his shoulder and patting him, "But. I want to, Johnny."

Johnny looked up and his mouth stretched into a genuine smile but before any more could be said the PA blared, "Dr. Bracket to Treatment room 3 STAT. Dr. Bracket, Treatment Room 3 STAT."

He turned to hurry off when Dix called, "Wait Kel. Could you use a hand?"

"If you're volunteering, yes." Then he was gone.

Dixie dropped a kiss on Johnny's cheek noting fleetingly that it felt warmer, "I'll see you later, sweetheart." She caught Roy's eyes, glanced first at the thermometer then back at Johnny. She saw the acknowledgment in his blue eyes as he nodded with a sigh then she, too, left. Johnny shifted uncomfortably, stifling a faint groan.

Roy rinsed the cloth and swiped it down Johnny's face, feeling the rising heat."I think you're just about due for some more Tylenol, junior."

"You are absolutely right," Shelly said as she advanced on the bed, a paper med cup in her hand. "And I have them right here, Johnny." She poured water into his cup, gave him a drink to wet his mouth then waited for him to open his mouth again before she plopped the pills inside. She gave him the straw once more, letting him drink his fill. She smiled at him as she fluffed his pillows. "Do you need anything else, Johnny?"

"A pass outta here?" He looked hopefully at her as she chuckled. "I wish I could get you that but not yet. Maybe soon." She smiled a little sadly at Roy and left.

Johnny sighed, and sat back. Roy had just opened his mouth to say something when he watched his partner's eyes suddenly fill with tears. "I just told Chris and Jen . . . I was doing fine, that I'd soon be outta here."

"And you will, Johnny. This is just a slight step back." Roy insisted. He laid a hand on the younger man's arm.

Johnny shook his head sadly. "Seems my whole life is . . . a series of slight steps back, Roy." He lamented.

Roy frowned, knowing how true that seemed. He, too, had often wondered why it appeared that if it could happen, it did happen to his friend. He said a silent prayer and patted Johnny's arm. He knew at this point there wasn't really much he could say, except, "I'm here for you, partner. I'm not giving up on you so don't you dare give up either."

Johnny gave Roy a weak smile and a faint nod. Roy gave him a firm nod back. "I'm gonna go change out this water then I'll be right back." He picked up the bowl and disappeared into the bathroom, dumping the used water down the sink. Then he placed it under the faucet and turned it on. As it slowly filled he looked up and caught sight of himself in the mirror. The sunken eyes outlined in dark circles in a pale face staring back surprised him. He touched his cheek, watching as the image did the same as if making sure it was really him. "I look about as bad as Johnny," He murmured. No wonder Dixie had insisted he leave for awhile. He knew he needed a few good night's sleep and a couple full meals but was loathe to leave his friend after just returning to his side.

The basin overflowed into the sink, bringing his attention back to the present. He poured off some water until he was sure he could carry it without sloshing. He grabbed a fresh washcloth and returned to Johnny's side.

"Roy?" Johnny turned his head from side to side and swallowed harshly.

"I'm right here, Johnny." Roy soothed his friend as he rinsed the new cloth. He rewet the old cloth, folded it and placed it on Johnny's forehead. Then he took the new cloth and wiped down his fevered friend's face once more.

Johnny's head continued to turn as his gaze swept the room. "Hot. It's hot." He murmured.

"I know you are." Roy agreed as he wiped the sweat trickling down Johnny's neck.

"What . . .? Why . . .?" Johnny stuttered, his gaze never resting in one place long as he panted. His face twisted up in confusion. "Why are we . . . in a fire . . . without gear?"

Roy sighed, he knew with his fever so high it was only a matter of time before the younger man would begin to hallucinate. "We're not in a fire, Johnny."

Brown eyes settled on his partner. "We're not?"

Roy smiled gently. "No, Johnny. We're not. We're at Rampart."

Johnny's gaze swept around the room again. "Rampart?"

"Yes, Johnny. Rampart."

"Why . . . we here? There a . . . fire here?"

Roy sighed, "No Johnny. There's no fire." '_**Except the one burning inside you**_' he thought to himself.

Johnny frowned, trying to make sense of what his muzzy senses were telling him coupled with Roy's words. He tried to move and his eyes widened as he pulled at his arms. "Uhhhh," He arched his back, trying to pull himself free of whatever had him trapped. He kicked his legs; they at least responded. He pushed himself harder and was surprised when Roy reached over him, bracing him flat. "Hey. Hey. Hey. Just what do you think you're doing?" He smiled gently down at the confused brown eyes looking up at him. "Where do you think you're going, junior?"

"Roy?" Johnny panted, twisting his head back and forth, trying again to fight against what he felt restraining him. "Out . . .gotta get out. Fire." He arched his back again, kicking his legs and jerking at his arms. Roy tried to keep him safely pinned but he could feel the muscles straining in the too warm body beneath him, heard a joint pop loudly and winced at the thought his partner was hurting himself. "Johnny, Johnny, calm down. Stop, stop. You're only going to hurt yourself."

Johnny looked up at him as if just noticing he was there, "Roy?"

Roy smiled at him, "Yes Johnny. I'm here. I'm not going to leave you."

That was apparently the wrong thing to say. Immediately Johnny begin fighting again but two weeks of illness had taken their toll and his strength quickly drained away. He lay exhausted, panting heavily as he looked up into the worried blue eyes above him. "Roy, I'm trapped."

Roy shook his head, "No Johnny, you're not trapped. You've been hurt and they had to strap . . ."

"I'm trapped, Roy." Johnny interrupted and Roy could see Johnny's chest muscles and upper arm muscles straining. "Fire. Gonna burn."

Tears came to Roy's eyes at that, knowing that was most firefighter's greatest nightmare. He shook his head as he smoothed the sweat-soaked hair from his friend's face. "No Johnny. There's no fire. You aren't going to burn. You're in the hosp . . ."

"Get out Roy." Johnny arched his back again, his head tipping backward as he

strained to pull himself free. He collapsed, panting in exhaustion. "Leave me Roy." His eyes searched the area again then returned to Roy's face. "You . . .get out. Leave me." Roy had a strong suspicion that the liquid now dripping from Johnny's face wasn't only sweat. He could see tears swimming in the brown eyes. He shook his head, his hands gently cupping both sides of Johnny's face. "Oh Johnny. There's no fire. You're safe. You're in Rampart. You're running a fever." He wiped the sweat from Johnny's face with the cooled cloth.

"No fire?" Johnny panted as his eyes once more searched the room.

Roy shook his head, rinsed the cloth and wiped it across his friend's neck and upper chest. "That's right Johnny." He soothed, "There's no fire."

"No fire." Johnny murmured, his eyes blinking slowly as he finally began to relax. He swallowed thickly and Roy placed the straw to his lips. He drank, closing his eyes in pleasure as the cool liquid ran down his parched throat. Then he pulled back and blinked up at Roy. "Am I sick again?"

Roy gave a faint grin, "Yes junior. You're sick again."

"Oh." Johnny seemed to be thinking that over. Roy bathed his face again and with a sigh, the younger medic closed his eyes.

"That's right junior." Roy encouraged, "Why don't you get some rest."

"I'm tired Roy," he mumbled, "Really tired."

"I know you are, Johnny." Roy softly told him as he cleaned off the thermometer and placed it under his tongue. Johnny kept his eyes closed until he felt Roy remove it.

As Roy rolled the glass tube to see the red line within, Johnny asked, "How high?"

Roy frowned, "Not too bad."

Johnny's brows came down in a scowl, "How high?" he asked again. Roy sighed, "104.2"

Now it was Johnny's turn to sigh. Roy continued bathing his friend and Johnny remained silent, blinking with glazed eyes up at the ceiling. They remained like that for a long time then Johnny perked up, staring intently at a corner of the room with such avid interest Roy found himself scrutinizing the same corner. He could make out nothing but shadows caused by the streetlights shining in from the window.

However, Johnny had raised his head, his gaze intent as he tracked something coming toward him. Soon he stared just past Roy's left shoulder.

"Ate?(aahtay) Is . . .is that you?" Johnny questioned in Dahkota.

The figure smiled gently. "Yes, Chaska. It's me."

Johnny took a gasping breath as he blinked slowly. "Have . .. have you come to . . .. Is it my time?" One tear broke loose and rolled slowly down his cheek into his sweat damp hair.

Roy's eyes widened as suddenly Johnny's eyes focused on something just to the left of his shoulder. A quick glance beside him revealed nothing and as Roy faced the younger man again, Johnny spoke. But his words were broken up and in Dakhota. His expression, however, was first awestruck then very sad. "Johnny?" Roy questioned as he watched his friend slowly blink and a tear break free from his lashes to travel across his face.

Joe Gage moved closer, laying a hand on Johnny's fevered brow. "I've always been here, Chaska. You've never been separated from me. You know that."

Johnny gave a nod, he did know that. He could often feel his father's and his grandfather's presence near him. "I'm afraid to die." He admitted.

Hearing the word "kte" and knowing what it meant Roy became more panicked. "Johnny, look at me. Johnny! You're not dying!" Fearing Johnny was having another hallucination, one in which he was talking to his dead father, Roy tried to break him out of it as he had before. But unlike before, Johnny was looking both at him and at whomever only he could see, his expressions lucid and his eyes focused.

Joe smiled indulgently at his grown son. "Who said anything about dying, Tanagila?" he chided.

Joe looked at Roy who sat next to Johnny's bed, his focus firmly on his friend's face. "Your friend seems very anxious."

Johnny gave a faint smile, "That's Roy, my partner. He worries."

Joe Gage smiled at that. "And I'm sure you give him much cause for worry, Tokalu Chikala." He used Johnny's given tribe name instead of the more familiar family nickname of Tanagila.

Johnny gave a bashful smile. He glanced at his friend. "Yes." He admitted. "I try not to make him worry but. . .."

"But you can't stop being you," Joe laughed. He nodded toward Roy. "Then he is a good friend."

Johnny nodded again. "Roy is a very good friend." He frowned as he recalled their recent history.

Joe tapped his finger on Johnny's forehead and Johnny focused on him again, "All make mistakes; a good man learns from them." He looked at Roy again, "A good friend admits it and tries to make amends." Johnny gave a faint grin at that.

Roy was getting more worried. There was something about Johnny's current actions that made the hairs raise on the back of his neck. When he saw Johnny turn and smile to him then look back at whatever only he could see and mentioned his name, Roy felt a chill race down his back. On some primal scale, this really frightened him. Then he heard Johnny say "Roy le mita koda." He leaned closer, "Yes, Johnny, I _**am**_ your friend."

Johnny looked him in the eye and grinned slightly, then turned his gaze back over Roy's shoulder. "I'm tired, father." Johnny whispered.

"I know you are, Chaska. But your fight isn't finished yet."

Roy heard Johnny say "Watuka, Ate," and knew what Johnny was saying. The chill spread throughout his body as he feared whatever or whoever Johnny was talking to was encouraging his friend's spirit away. Desperate, he grabbed ahold of his friend's upper arms and shook him as he begged, "No, Johnny. Don't listen to him. You can't go. Johnny, don't!"

"I want to sleep." Johnny moaned. Joe smoothed the hair on his son's forehead. "You can sleep now, Chaska. Go ahead. Sleep. It'll be alright now." As he watched his son's body relax, he leaned over and kissed his forehead, saying, "Toksha ake wacinyuanktin ktelo - I shall see you again."

Roy watched as Johnny's eyes blinked twice, lost focus, then slid shut and remained that way. His face went slack and his respirations eased off.

Terrified, Roy leapt to his feet, his hands still on Johnny's arms as he shook him a little harder. "Johnny! Johnny!" But Johnny was totally unresponsive. Roy placed a trembling hand to Johnny's throat, counting the slowing pulse now there. "Johnny, Johnny open your eyes." Roy demanded. No response. Roy twisted a small piece of flesh on Johnny's upper inner arm. Johnny's brows twitched slightly but nothing else. Now totally panicked, Roy grabbed the call button with one hand and pushed it repeatedly even as he continued to shake the ill man. "Johnny, open your eyes! Dammit you can't give in now! Don't give up now! Johnny!" Lily came to the door, saw and heard his obvious panic and rushed forward.

Roy turned to her, "He . . he was talking and he just stopped. He's not responding to anything now." He told her.

She did a vitals check and frowned. "I'm notifying the doctor." And she left. Roy sank back into the chair, his grip still firm on his friend's arm as if by just his grasp, he could anchor the younger man to him. "Johnny, don't leave," he whispered, "Fight, you have to fight. You can beat this. You've already come so far. Don't give in now."

It felt to Roy like he'd sat there forever beside his now still friend. Then suddenly the door burst open and there was a flurry of activity. Kel Brackett came in first and went straight to Johnny's side. "What was his latest temp?" He barked as he flicked a light into the unconscious man's eyes.

"104.8" came the answer.

Brackett's face twitched. He leaned over into his patient's face. "Johnny! John Gage! Open your eyes." As before, no response. He pinched Johnny's ear and Johnny shifted his head slightly away but nothing more. Brackett's frown deepened. He pulled the little rubber hammer from his pocket and flipped back the sheet covering Johnny. He tested both knees and feet. A dark scowl now marked his handsome features. He looked up and pinned the waiting nurse with his glare. "Start alcohol baths now. We need to get that temp lowered."

The nurse nodded, "Yes doctor." And then hurried out of the room to get the needed items.

"Doc, some of his wounds. They're still open." Roy started. Brackett's head jerked around and he focused on him as if just noticing him there. He motioned to Roy and stepped slightly away from the bed. Roy followed, his every move sluggish showing both his fatigue and his worry.

"I think he's healed enough that the alcohol shouldn't affect them." He gave a rueful look at his vertical paramedic. "Besides a little alcohol in an open wound just might get his attention." Then his face became serious once more. "We have to get that fever down. You know that, Roy."

Roy's shoulders slumped as he nodded and sighed.

"You know we found the infection, Roy." His mouth twitched, "You were right. It's in his bladder. That damn foley." He shook his head. "He's been on the new cocktail of antibiotics now about four hours so it should be pretty well through his system. The good news is his hands look much better."

Roy gave a faint nod. "And the bad news."

Brackett sighed as he ran a hand down the back of his neck. "The bad news is this damn fever. He was weak already from the other infection. I don't have to tell you what that is doing to him or could do to him."

Roy nodded as he closed his eyes. "So. He's comatose?"

Brackett reluctantly nodded, "For now. We'll keep up with the antibiotics and the cooling measures. This latest could just be his body's way of coping with all that has happened to it." He put his hand on his paramedic's shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze. "Don't give up on him, Roy. I sure haven't. "

Roy looked up, his blue eyes ablaze, "Never Doc."

"That's the spirit," Kel smiled. Brackett looked at the young man lying on the bed. "You just have to make things difficult, don't you." He muttered. "But if this is a contest on who's more stubborn, I accept." He gave a predatory grin, "You'll find I don't give up easily, my friend."

Roy watched as the nurse returned with another basin and cloths and began wiping his friend down with the alcohol. He wanted to move back over to his friend, wanted to take over from the nurse but his feet refused to move. His mind felt bleary and his head hurt.

Brackett was watching him closely, one arm on the man swaying slightly on his feet. He could feel too much heat coming from the arm he grasped. "Roy? Are you all right?"

Roy swallowed harshly as his stomach rolled unexpectedly. "Yeah. Yeah. Johnny . . ."

Brackett's face hardened as he motioned at Lily who had just come in the door. "Get me a wheelchair and some vitals." She nodded and swiftly left to comply.

Roy felt himself being moved further away from his friend. "No, no, I promised. I hafta stay with him." He protested.

"BP 106/68 pulse 120, respirations 16."

He blinked as he heard the sound of vitals and turned his attention back to Brackett. His eyes widened in surprise as he realized he was sitting in a wheelchair and Lily was kneeling before him, removing a BP cuff from his arm. She smiled at him and placed a thermometer into his mouth. He allowed her to do so, still too unsteady to really protest.

"Temp is 102, Doctor."

Roy blinked at Brackett who frowned at him. "I think you just earned yourself an IV and a bed, hose jockey." He told the seated man as he crossed his arms.

"But Johnny! I promised him I wouldn't leave!" Roy exclaimed.

Brackett's brows nearly crossed, "What is it with you hose jockeys thinking you're supermen!" He muttered then sighed, "Look Roy. This could just be a simple case of exhaustion. I know you've not been eating or sleeping like you should since Johnny came back here. Or …"

Roy felt the blood drain from his face as he echoed, "Or?"

"Or you could be coming down with that bug that's been going around. And if that's the case, do you really want to stay near John?"

Roy shook his head, knowing that yet another complication might be more than his partner's badly taxed body could handle. "Ok doc." He sighed as his gaze went back to his unconscious friend. Brackett patted him on the shoulder, then looked up at Lily. "See about getting him admitted and that IV started." He looked back down at the slumped figure in the wheelchair. When he patted his shoulder, Roy turned his head to look up at him. "After that's done, Roy, and you've had some sleep, we'll see."

Brackett left and Lily did as ordered. She even escorted Roy down to the next floor and saw him placed into a bed. "I should call Jo." Roy muttered, then winced as the IV needle pierced his skin.

"It's only 4:30 in the morning, Roy. Tell you what, I'll call her before I get off, OK?" Lily smiled at him. He smiled back then quickly switched to a frown and opened his mouth. But before he could say anything, she added, "And I promise to keep you informed on Johnny as well." She patted his arm as he took and swallowed the Tylenol the nurse handed him then settled back with a heavy sigh. Soon his room was empty and he was alone, thinking on all that had happened this evening. Tears came to his eyes as he thought about Johnny. "Please partner, don't leave. You promised my kids you'd get better. You promised Chris you'd take him camping again. You've never broken a promise to him before. Please, please God, don't let him break this one."

Morning's light was chasing the darkness away when a figure snuck up into SICU. It paused in the stairwell and listened as the nurse on duty briefed her just arriving replacement. "And on a sad note, John Gage took a downturn last night. His fever has been spiking and he's currently comatose. We've been giving him alcohol baths and his fever has come down some. He was started on new antibiotics last shift but so far . . ."

The older nurse sighed as she read over the chart. "Roy still with him, Shelly?" The younger nurse shook her head. "Dr. Brackett had him admitted early this morning. He's running an elevated temp as well. Could be exhaustion, could be that virus. Brackett has him scheduled for some tests this morning to find out." She smiled as she added, "Lily promised him we'd keep him informed on Johnny, Gretchen."

The older nurse nodded and picked up the next chart.

The listening figure pulled slightly back; the news heard was disturbing. John Gage was in a coma? '_**But when I talked to his friend last night he said he was doing better**_.' She told herself. Now she was more desperate than ever to see him. When the two nurses moved into the side room were the drug cabinet was kept, she quickly crossed the area near the nurse's desk and slid silently into room #3.

There on the bed she could see a dark haired motionless figure. She moved forward, her eyes on that slack face. "Oh Johnny. My Johnny." She murmured. She sat slowly down in the chair at his bedside, her hand going up to smooth his sweat stiff hair. As she stroked his face, she began softly singing a tune. "Schlef, schlaf, schlaf, Mein liabes Kindlein, schlaf! Die Engel tuan scho musizieren Bei dem Kindlein jubilieren,"

She stared in Johnny's face as she sang, worried over the lack of reaction in his immobile form. Tears filled her eyes as she stroked his face. _**'He's never this still; he's always moving. Even asleep he moves. That's why Joe's mother nicknamed him Tanagila—hummingbird.'**_ Suddenly she paused, her back stiffening as she pulled slightly away from Johnny. She looked around the room aware that it felt like shadows were gathering together. She turned in the chair, focusing on a grouping of shadows near the window. "I knew you'd be here, Joseph."

An acknowledgement, then indignation.

She bristled. "I have a right to be here just as much as you do. I love him; I never stopped loving him."

A feeling of reproach hit her.

Her lips drew into a thin line, "I didn't leave him on purpose; it wasn't my fault I left." She shifted her shoulders, "Besides, I heard that he did well enough for himself. He had you, and your father and that whole 'tribe'" she said the word with distain, "helping you."

Guilt, sadness, a flash of anger.

She stopped. "What happened to him? Joe, I thought he was taken care of!" Now she began feeling alarmed. "I didn't know what happened until . . ." The strange conversation ended as voices neared the room from the hall. Her minds teeming with unsettling questions, she leaned over the limp figure and kissed his cheek and his forehead. She laid a hand on his chest, feeling the beating of his heart under her hand. "Get well, cinks." She looked around, "And you, I know you both are here; protect him." Then she was gone.


	41. Chapter 41

As promised, here's the next chapter. And this is NOT a never ending story. I have perhaps three, maybe four chapters left in this tale. The next chapter will be out by the end of the month and starts right with Marc Kent. Again thanks for those of you who have followed this. It's been quite a ride! Enjoy!

Roy entered the treatment room with more than a little trepidation. It had been nearly four long days since he'd left the hospital. The tests had confirmed he did have the virus and although he didn't like it, he went quietly home with his wife. The first 48 hours he was home were fuzzy at best. His fever had climbed as well and he was plagued by horrible dreams; similar to the ones he'd had when he was being so cruel to his partner. Jo reassured him several times that Dixie and Gretchen had called, keeping them abreast on Johnny's condition—Johnny was still comatose, no change in his vitals, however the doctors were optimistic. Finally late on the second day, Roy's fever dropped and he felt well enough to stumble into the living room. Jo looked up, happy to see her husband on his feet but worried at his pale appearance. "Roy? Should you be up?"

He made his way to the couch and sat heavily, "I feel better." He looked around, "The kids?"

Jo pulled the afghan off the back and spread it over him. "Jenny came down with it too but she's doing better now. Her fever broke last night. She ate some breakfast and is now asleep. Chris is over at the Stokers. He's been healthy so far, so they took him to keep him away from your bugs." She lightly teased.

Roy nodded, grateful for the help from his shiftmates. Then he broached what had really been on his conscious thoughts. "Uhhh, Jo." She looked at him, her gaze softening at the pleading worry in his blue eyes. "Johnny…?"

She held his gaze as she began shaking her head. Roy felt his heart sink.

Just then the phone rang and she raised her hand, "Hold that thought," she told him as she hurried to answer it. "DeSoto's. Oh! Hi! Yeah, he's better. In fact he just came out into the living room." She smiled at her husband but Roy was still reeling over her earlier unspoken answer about Johnny. Then the smile on Jo's face fell and she stiffened. "There has. There is? Hold on; I'll get him." She stretched the long cord out and gave her husband the receiver. "It's Dixie. She said she has an urgent message for you."

Roy took the phone, swallowed hard and mentally prepared himself for the bad news he was sure he would hear. When he thought he finally had his emotions under control, he spoke. "H . .hello Dixie."

"Ahh, there you are, Roy. Now hold on." Came the head nurse's voice then muffled words and the sound of the receiver moving. Cautiously he said again, "uhhh, Dixie? Hello?"

A pause then a weak but very identifiable voice replied, "Hey . . . Pally."

Roy felt his heart stop then begin racing as his eyes went wide and he shouted, "Johnny! You're awake!"

A faint chuckle then, "Yeah, so they tell me. They also told me you got a little sick yourself. Are you ok? Are Jo and the kids ok?"

Roy's heart soared and he started to laugh. Soon he was laughing so hard, he had tears running down his face. Jo came over, worry on her face at his actions. "Roy?"

"Roy? Roy? You awright?" Johnny's voice was filled with concern. For his partner's sake as well as his wife, Roy tapped down on his emotions. He reached out and pulled his wife into his lap and kissed her then said into the receiver, "I'm fine, Johnny. Everything is fine now. How are you doing?"

"Ummm, better. Still really tired." Roy could hear _that_in his partner's voice. "Did the kids get sick too?"

Roy couldn't stop the sloppy grin on his face as he answered, "I guess Jenny got sick. Chris hasn't showed any signs and the Stoker's took him to keep him healthy."

"Jenny got sick?" Johnny's voice sounded a little stronger and now filled with alarm. "She ok? How high was her fever?"

Roy shook his head, amazed yet again that Johnny could lie in a hospital bed, sick as could be, and still be worried over someone else. "Jo told me her fever broke last night and she's eaten and is now sleeping so I'd say she's better."

"Good." Johnny answered, then, "I'm glad." Roy could hear the other man's voice was fading.

"Hey partner, I'd better go. I've not been up long myself and Jo is giving me the eye." He said, shrugging his shoulder in mute apology to the sideways glare Jo gave him for that white lie.

He heard the heavy sigh on the other end. "OK." A long pause then, "Dixie wants to talk. Guess I'll talk to ya again soon" Johnny's voice was barely a whisper now.

Roy's grin changed to a gentle smile, "You take care of yourself: I'll see you just as soon as Brackett clears me. You rest now, Junior."

"K." came the mumbled reply then more shuffling sounds and Dixie's soft voice, "He's asleep, Roy. Hold on and I'll transfer to the desk phone so we don't wake him."

He waited through the various clicks and noises until he heard Dixie say, "You still there?"

Immediately he burst forth with questions, "How is he really? When did he wake up? Is he still running a fever?

"Hold on, hold on!" Dixie's laughing voice came over the line. "Now. He's doing fine. His vitals are stronger with each check and the doctors are happy with his progress. He's still weak and tires easily but he's improving there as well. His fever is gone; last three checks it was completely normal. And he woke up slowly over last night's shift. Each time he wakes, he's a little stronger and stays awake a little longer." She paused and Roy could hear the happiness in the head nurse's voice. "There. That answer all of them?"

Roy grinned widely as he repeated everything to his wife. Jo bent her head and Roy saw her shoulders shaking. He rubbed them, feeling his own eyes burn. "Thank God. He's finally getting better." He whispered.

"Yes. Yes he is." Dixie added as she gave her own silent thanks. Then once more all nurse she said, "And no. You can't see him until Kel clears you."

"Ok." Roy reluctantly agreed. Part of him wanted to argue, wanted to leap into the car and rush right over but then the memory of watching helplessly as Johnny faded into the coma struck him. He wouldn't do anything to jeopardize his friend's recovery.

"Jo said you were up for the first time today. How are _**you**_ doing?" Dixie's voice came again.

"My fever is gone. I'm feeling better, a little shaky still but better." He honestly admitted.

"Sounds about right. From what we've seen this virus lasts about four days. Let's see, today is Tuesday so I'd say come in Friday and Kel will see you then." Dixie told him. Roy sighed but agreed. Dixie chuckled, "Alright Roy. We'll see you then. Take care and get yourself well."

"I will." He told her.

She laughed. "I know you will." And without saying they both knew why. Then he heard the PA calling her name and Dixie's hurried voice came back on. "Roy? I gotta . . ."

"I know," he broke in, "I hear. Tell my partner I'll see him soon."

"Will do." And then a click. Roy held the phone for several long moments, just letting his feelings flow through him.

Jo turned a bright smile on him. "Oh Roy! Johnny's better; that's wonderful." She pulled him into a fierce hug then stood up quickly. "Are you hungry? Would you like to eat something? Jen and I had chicken noodle soup and peanut butter sandwiches." He agreed he could eat and followed his wife into the kitchen.

Roy sighed as he brought himself out of his memories. That had been two days ago. As promised he had talked to Johnny a few more times on the phone. Each time he thought his partner had sounded better but until he could see him with his own eyes, there was a bit of doubt. He'd told Johnny about his appointment with Brackett and promised he would be up to see him as soon as the doctor released him. Johnny had told him that Dr. Bentley was expected to exam him again that morning and Roy had hoped to be there before the hand surgeon saw his friend.

The treatment room door opened and Dixie and Brackett walked in. "Well, Roy. How are you feeling?" The doctor greeted him.

"I feel good." He truthfully answered.

"You do huh. Well, let's see, shall we? Dix?" The nurse nodded and stepped forward. She grinned at the paramedic as she quickly took his vitals. Roy was relieved that everything was well within normal levels. Brackett nodded as he completed his own exam, "Well, BP's a little up." He faced his paramedic, his eyes twinkling, "Could be stress. How about it? Feeling a little stressed, Roy? Something on your mind that you'd care to discuss?" He watched as his paramedic fidgeted on the exam table. _**'If I couldn't see that this was Roy in front of me, I'd swear I was trying to examine Johnny!**_' He raised an eyebrow at his nurse and looked pointedly at the nervously shifting man. Dixie's eyes twinkled and she gave a faint nod, showing she shared the thought.

Roy blushed slightly at his boss's uncharacteristic teasing. " no, not . . .not in particular. I'm, ahhh, I'm fine. I'm feeling just fine." He insisted.

Brackett hmphed as he wrote in the chart and Dix smiled brightly at the other half of the dynamic duo. Roy felt himself relax at their actions. "Johnny really is doing better," he suddenly blurted out, feeling it for the first time.

Brackett pretended to scowl as he slapped the chart in his hand and Dixie ducked her head as she stifled a chuckle. "Well! Here I am, trying to clear you from the sick list and all you can do is worry about that trouble making partner of yours? I tell you, I oughta . . ." he stopped, shook his head, then looked at Roy with a grin of his own. "Yes. He is. And I think you're wasting my time, so get out of here."

Roy jumped off the table, sliding his shirt back on quickly, buttoning it and tucking it in all in one smooth practiced motion. "Really Doc? I can go?"

Brackett pretended to scowl at the chart he was writing in again, "Yes yes. You're fine; get out of here. Go back home to your family."

Roy's face fell at that. "Go back home?" he asked softly.

Dixie nudged Brackett who frowned then sighed, rolling his eyes "Go see him. You're fine."

Roy was out the door before the words finished. As the door thunked shut, Dixie punched the doctor in the arm. "Owww" Kel rubbed his arm. "What was that for?"

"For teasing him so. You know quite well where he wanted to go; where he's headed right now." She admonished him. He nodded. "I know. And believe me, I'm as happy as he is."

Roy was too anxious to wait for the elevator so he bounded up the steps. Soon he came out on the floor where SICU was. He paused at the stairwell door to catch his breath then pushed it open and stepped up to the nurse's desk. He shifted the bag he held in his arms and glanced at the empty nurse's station. _**'Hmmmm, Gretchen's not there. I know she said she was on today.**_' He gave a slight shrug as he walked passed, heading to Johnny's room. Part of him quivered with excitement, part in dread at what he'd see. Had the doctor already been in? He was a little later than he'd told his friend. If so, had Johnny had good news?

Roy entered the door and stopped in surprise as his eyes quickly scanned the room. The first thing he noticed was that Johnny's arms were no longer restrained awkwardly out from his body. His right hand had been put into a half cast and securely wrapped. His left hand wore only bandages with some sort of brace over the last two fingers. A glance at the side of the bed revealed no urine bag and he smiled at the thought of that ease given his partner. The next thing he noticed was that Johnny lay in the bed dressed in his own pajamas instead of the gowns he'd been forced to wear because of the apparatuses. Only a sheet and light blanket lay over him, gone were the cooling blankets and the IVs. Johnny's eyes were closed as he slept, his face still gaunt and pale but the rust ribbon of fever was gone from his cheeks. Johnny lay flat on his back with his left arm thrown over his eyes in the manner he preferred and had been unable to do since his injury.

For a long time, Roy just stood in the doorway, watching his partner. He was healing, finally, he was healing. After so many backsteps and heart wrenching moments, he could now believe firmly that his friend would soon be out of the hospital and back on his feet.

As if sensing a presence in the room, Johnny inhaled deeper and his head rolled toward the door as his eyes slowly opened. A grin split his face as he dropped his arm and raised his head. "Hey there."

Roy smiled back. "Hey there yourself." He shrugged. "Sorry I'm a little late. I really did want to be here this morning."

Johnny shook his head, his gratitude showing in his eyes. "Don't be sorry. You were here Sunday night; that was enough."

Suddenly Roy felt self-conscious and shrugged his shoulders again as he changed the subject. "You're looking a little lighter there, partner.

Johnny grinned as he flexed his freed fingers and bent his arms. "Yeah! It feels great! And Doc said later today he's gonna let me actually get out of this bed."

Roy returned the grin, "That's great Johnny." His voice held his own relief and excitement.

Johnny motioned to the chair by his bedside. "Have a seat." He paused, his smile dimming, "Ummm, unless you gotta leave, you know, somewhere else ya gotta go . . .?" He ducked his head as his fingers worried at his blanket's edge.

Roy grinned reassuring as he came forward. "No Johnny. I don't have anywhere else I have to be." His grin morphed slowly into a gentle smile, "Or anywhere else I wanna be."

Johnny's voice was quiet as he replied, "Thanks, partner." He looked up and his brown eyes caught and held Roy's blue ones. Once more Roy felt in sync with his partner… and his friend. Roy nodded, tears in his eyes. "Anytime, Junior." Those four words may not have seemed like much to anyone hearing them, but for the men involved, they spoke volumes.

Then Roy shifted and the bag crinkled. "Oh. Jo sent this in to you." He sat in the chair, smiling again as Johnny perked up, his eyebrows raised as he sat up. Roy helped adjust his bed then placed the bag on the bedside table. He pulled out three stacked Tupperware containers, then snuck a look at Johnny from under his arm. He had Johnny's rapt attention; his partner was sitting as far forward as he could without falling out of the bed, trying his best to see what Roy had.

"Here you go." He opened the first container and moved it slightly toward Johnny, "we've got some pot roast with potatoes and carrots and buttered peas," he opened the next container, "along with hot buttered rolls and for dessert?" He opened the last container and looked at Johnny. Johnny had his eyes closed as he inhaled deeply, "I'd know that smell anywhere. Mary Spencer's Apple Crisp."

Roy grinned, "Yeah. She uhhh, brought it over yesterday. Sorry. The previous one was eaten."

Johnny looked up and the Gage lop-sided grin spread across his face, "That's ok. I'm glad it didn't go to waste." He remembered that Roy had told him that he'd brought that for Johnny's meal the day his fever had spiked. Roy quickly prepared a plate and set it up in front of his friend. He handed Johnny the fork and helped him get a good hold on it before he sat back in the chair to talk and watch.

Johnny fed himself slowly and carefully until his hand shook so badly that he couldn't hold any food on the fork. Without breaking his conversation, Roy took over feeding him just like he had before. He didn't miss the grateful look Johnny shot him even as the recovering medic chewed more of the meat. When Johnny reached for the glass of milk, Roy stabilized the glass as Johnny drank from the straw. When Roy picked up the fork again, Johnny pulled back hesitantly. "Roy? Could I have some . . .ummm."

Roy grinned and set aside the plate of the main dish and pulled forward the apple crisp. Johnny ate a fair amount before he raised his hand to signal he'd had enough. Roy tried not to frown at the small amount of food his friend had eaten but then seeing how Johnny's eyes were blinking sleepily he knew Johnny was at the end of his strength. "I'll put this away and you can have more later." He told his friend.

Johnny gave a faint nod, "S'ok. Wazgood." He laid back into his pillows then yawned. He turned his head and blinked at his partner. "I hate that I'm still so tired." He mumbled. Roy laughed, then patted his arm. "Sleep Junior. You're still healing and your body needs the rest."

Johnny sighed heavily, "I know." His blinks got slower until his eyes closed and his head lolled to one side. Roy carefully lowered the bed until Johnny was once more flat. Johnny shifted slightly, inhaled deeper and his left arm came up over his face. Seeing that, Roy smiled and placed the containers back into the bag.

He sat back in the chair for quite a while, content to just watch the even respirations as Johnny slept. So isolated were his thoughts that he startled when another body brushed against him. He looked up and smiled into the blue eyes smiling back into his. Gretchen quickly took a vitals reading on the sleeping man, careful not to disturb him. She looked at the plate still sitting on the table and nodded to Roy. Then she mouthed, "Coffee?"

Her smile widened at his eager nod and he packed up the food and followed her out of Johnny's room. After the door closed behind them, Gretchen said, "Looks like he ate fairly well."

Roy shrugged, "Not anywhere near what he's capable of eating." He sighed as he thought of the massive amounts of food he'd seen his skinny partner put away in one sitting. He put the uneaten portions into the fridge. Gretchen patted his arm, "He ate better of the food you brought him than he has the food from the here." She frowned as she paused, "Although on Tuesday the kitchen sent him up a separate tray. Some sort of fried bread and beans and meat mixture. He ate that really well." She shrugged, "Doesn't matter. The point is he's eating better, his temperature is normal and he's getting stronger every day."

Roy nodded, "I see the doctor redid his bandages."

Gretchen chuckled as she got two cups and poured the rich dark liquid into them. "Yes. Dr. Bentley removed the braces this morning. He pulled the last of the stitches on Wednesday."

"All of them? He's healed that far?" Roy blinked in surprise as he mentally counted back the days. God! Had it really been nearly three weeks since Johnny was first injured! It felt like years ago! He sipped his coffee as he mentally reviewed everything that had happened in the past five weeks. He shook his head as he thought about how their lives had all changed since his partner had taken care of Jenny and Chris that fateful weekend.

Gretchen sipped her own cup as she jotted some notes into a chart. "Yes. His doctors are very pleased with his progress now. In fact he'll soon be taken off my floor." She smiled at that thought. As she'd said before, it was her main goal to get her patients off her floor and into a main ward as quickly as possible. A frown crossed her face as she, too, counted the days the dark haired firefighter had resided under her care.

"I'm sure Johnny was excited to hear that." Roy smiled.

Gretchen gave him a sly look. "Oh they haven't told him that yet." She shook a pencil at Roy's wide eyes, "but they will. You mark ole Gretchen's words. I know."

Roy grinned. He drank the rest of his coffee and rinsed out the cup. He placed it back on the shelf as he said, "I'm gonna head back in there. He's been asleep now about two hours. I imagine he'll be waking soon."

Gretchen tilted her head, "He might. His naps have been lasting anywhere from two to four hours." Then she smiled softly at Roy, "However, he knows you're here. I think you're right he'll wake soon." She nodded toward the pot. "I'll come in in a little while with some coffee. The kitchen sent up some sort of cobbler for him." She frowned at that, "Someone in the kitchen must know him. On certain days we get a special tray marked with his name."

Roy grinned, "Must be May. She's one of the dietitians down there. I've talked with her a few times when I've gone down and I've told her about Johnny. She's been very interested in how he's doing." He paused as he made a note to himself, "I'll have to swing by there and let her know how he is now."

Gretchen grinned again, "Well whoever it is seems to have him pretty well pegged. Like I said, he eats better from those trays than the usual fair."

Roy smiled, "Just you wait until he fully gets his appetite back. You wouldn't believe the amount he can put away and then claim to be starved two hours later."

Gretchen chuckled, "Fast metabolism huh? I've known a few like that as well. I've heard hummingbirds are like that too. They have to spend just about every waking minute eating just to stay alive."

Roy laughed, "That sounds like my partner! Maybe I should start calling him hummingbird. He flits around about as fast as one too."

A buzzer broke up their friendly relaxed talk and the two parted; Gretchen to answer the call in room#4 and Roy back to room#3. As soon as he entered the room, Roy's eyes went to the bed. Johnny was still sleeping. Roy settled back in the chair, content to watch him. After a while a faint noise came from behind him and he turned expecting to see Gretchen or one of the LPNs. To his surprise he saw a man in a firefighter's uniform shadowed in the doorway. He could see the white of a sling around the man's arm and soot still on his shadowed face. He stood. "Yes? Can I help you?" He asked as he stepped forward. The man stepped closer, opened his mouth to speak, coughed a little and cleared his throat. As he did Roy could see him clearly. His eyes widened as he quickly moved forward. "Marco? What happened!"

Marco gave another cough and a faint grin. "I'm ok. Just a bruised wrist. We had a warehouse fire and I got grazed by a falling beam." He wearily sank into the chair Roy offered him. "Knocked the hose right out of my hands. Good thing Chet was right behind me."

"Chet ok? Everyone else?" Roy's worry for his shiftmates colored his voice. Marco nodded, "Yeah. They're all fine. We almost had the fire out when this happened. I told Cap I was ok but you know how he is." He chuckled, "And why he's that way."

Roy chuckled as well, as both firefighters looked toward the sleeping figure in the bed. They knew their Captain was just a little bit more paranoid over injuries because of a certain paramedic's history. But that wasn't too bad. Most of the men secretly felt better knowing their captain was concerned over the health of each of his men.

Marco nodded toward the bed. "Since I was here, I wanted to come up and see him. We haven't been allowed up here since . . .well . . ."

Roy nodded, he knew Johnny had restricted all his visitors while he was angry with Roy. They hadn't had time to reverse that before Johnny had slipped into the coma. "He's doing good. No fever, his vitals are improving and as you can see they've released him from the braces."

Marco sighed. He, too, could see that Johnny looked better than the last time he'd visited.

"He's still tired. And he needs lots of sleep." Came a drowsy mutter. Both Roy and Marco straightened and looked toward the bed. Johnny's eyes were closed and he seemed to still be asleep but they were sure it had been was his voice.

"Johnny?" asked Roy softly, wondering if his partner was sleep-talking.

Instead of answering, both saw Johnny's nose twitch. Then he began actively sniffing. Suddenly his eyes opened wide and he shot up in bed. "Smoke! I smell smoke!"

Roy immediately placed a soothing hand on his friend's shoulder, "Relax Johnny."

"I'm sorry Juanito. You smell me." Marco said with a sigh. Johnny blinked the sleep from his eyes as he focused on his friends. His piercing gaze took in the figure before him. "Are you awright? How bad?" Roy moved forward and raised Johnny's bed. Johnny shot a grin of thanks to his buddy before turning his attention once more on his other visitor.

Marco grinned and moved his arm slightly, "Not bad; just a good bruising Doc says. It'll keep me off duty for a couple of shifts but nothing serious." He leaned forward and placed his uninjured hand over Johnny's arm. "How are you, hermono?"

Johnny smiled, "I'm doing good, like Roy said. Glad to get my hands finally free." He moved his arms, still taking joy in being able to do that even as he next frowned at the weakness in them. Marco chuckled, "It will all come back, hermono." He told him in Spanish.

Johnny nodded, "I know. Just the getting there worries me." He replied in kind.

Neither one noticed the strange look Roy gave his two workmates. He knew Marco spoke Spanish fluently, had heard him do so many times. And he knew Johnny spoke Dahkota as well as English. But this was the first time he'd heard the two of them conversing in Spanish. He made a mental note to question at least one of them about it later. Right now, he was still too happy his friend was healing.

Roy watched, still silent, as the two switched to English and Marco told them about the fire he'd just been too. Then he began telling them stories about the random draw of paramedic substitutes that had work 51's A shift. "And for the last two shifts it's been Kirk Mueller and that new guy, uhhhhh, Westen, Wenton, something like that,"

"Winston? Art Winston?" Johnny asked.

Marco smiled as he nodded, "Si, that's him."

Johnny turned to Roy, "You remember him. Rescue man out of 34's. He graduated two classes ago." At Roy's bewildered look, Johnny sighed and flipped his hand out repeatedly as he pitched his voice in a near monotone, "You know, placing an IV is harder than you'd think. I've practiced and practiced on peaches but it doesn't feel the same as real skin."

Roy's eyes widened as he recognized the nearly perfect imitation his partner had preformed of the slow talking man. "OH! You mean HIM! Ok, I know who you're talking about now."

Now Marco looked bewildered, "Peaches? Why would you practice sticks on peaches?" He asked.

Roy grinned as he answered, "You don't." Marco looked more confused as Johnny dissolved into giggles.

"You don't practice on peaches; you practice on oranges." Another voice supplied. They turned to see Dixie's smiling face. "Many nursing students practice giving injections on oranges because some feel the toughness of the peel mimics human skin."

"And what do you feel, Dix?" Johnny teased.

She grinned a little ferally at him, "I have human targets I practice on." Johnny shifted uncomfortable and muttered something under his breath. Now it was Marco and Roy's turn to laugh. Dixie placed a hand on her hip and stared at them until they quieted. "This _**is**_ SICU." She admonished and they both looked momentarily guilty. Then she smiled; she couldn't stay upset long, she, too, was too happy to see one of her favorite people was acting more like himself. "Gretchen said she promised you coffee." She said as she reached around the corner and beckoned something. "And I ran into someone else who is very eager to see you, Johnny."

At that Dixie pulled a small cart into the room which was closely followed by a stocky dark haired woman. Adelina Lopez went first to Marco, placing her hands on his shoulders as she rapidly quizzed him in Spanish. He answered her mostly with, "Si' Momma, no momma, Si' Momma." She kissed his forehead and smiled.

Then she turned to the other two amused men. To Roy's surprise she gave out a cry and launched herself toward Johnny. She flung herself onto the edge of his bed, cupped her hands on either side of his head and began kissing his face before she pulled him into a rib crunching hug. Her flood of Spanish came out in first a worried tone, then changed to admonishment then switched to a mournful note as she finally pulled back and let her eyes search over his body.

Johnny was protesting the entire time. "I'm awright, I'm awright. You don't have to worry anymore. I'm sorry I upset you. Yes, I'm healing fine. Huŋ'ku. Huŋ'ku!" She stopped, looking closely at him. He raised his left hand and placed his fingers on her cheek, "Amasni,(ahh maash nee) huŋ'ku, (huach kuu) amasni." As he softly spoke the last, she finally nodded to him.

Marco grinned broadly as Johnny looked up at him, then rolled his eyes. "So, did I hear someone say coffee?" Johnny asked. At once Lina stood up and she and Dixie took the pot off the cart and poured several cups of the fragrant fluid. Then Lina opened a large cloth bag on the cart and pulled out a fair sized box. She opened it, revealing large cinnamon rolls. The heavenly scent of yeasted bread mixed with cinnamon filled the room. She took one roll, tore it into several pieces and placed it on a small paper plate before sliding that same plate on Johnny's tray. She added a cup of coffee then pushed the tray closer to him. Johnny eagerly reached for the roll first and plopped a piece into his mouth. "Ummmm, Gracias Huŋ' ku, muy bein."

The others reached for cups and the treat just as eagerly. Roy enjoyed several bites of his own roll, watching as Johnny ate more pieces. Then he saw Johnny look longingly at his full cup. But before he could move, Dixie picked up Johnny's cup and held it near his mouth saying, "You look a little dry there, Johnny, and we can't have that." Like Roy had before, she let his hand guide the cup, she merely handled the weight.

Before long, the rolls were gone and the coffee as well. Lina looked between her sons; one who had his fist over his mouth, trying to stifle a yawn and the other who leaned back into his pillows, blinking sleepily with a lazy grin on his face. "I think our two wounded need to rest." She announced.

Immediately Johnny protested, "No! Don't leave on my account. I'm fine. Really!"

Adelina leaned over him, her smile gentle and loving, "I know you are tired, mi hijo. I can see it in your eyes. You rest now and get better so you can leave this place. I will be back again."

"Ok." He softly replied, his freed fingers resting on her arm. She still looked into his chocolate brown eyes, her own filling with tears. He smiled and patted her arm, "Amasni—I'm healing. Please don't worry."

She sniffled softly as she patted his cheek, "It is my—how you say—prerogative? To worry over you, mi hijo." Then she leaned over and gently kissed his cheek before turning and wrapping her arm through Marco's uninjured one. "Come niño, let us get you home to clean up and rest." She smiled at her long-time friend, "I will see you, Dixie, tomorrow." She waved at Roy, "Take good care."

Roy nodded, a little bewildered over her actions. He watched as the two left, his brow pulling into a frown of puzzlement. He'd known the kindly woman held a soft spot in her heart for the other members of her son's shift but this was somehow different. There was something more in the actions Adelina had just shown over Johnny. Something almost . . . motherly. More than he'd seen before. Again he filed the thoughts away to puzzle over later as Dixie moved over to Johnny's bedside.

"Here, let's clean off your fingers." Dixie grabbed a cloth and wiped his hand. "Lina's rolls are delicious but sticky."

Johnny nodded, "Yeah I know. But that's what makes them so good." He smacked his lips then licked them, getting the last of the cinnamon off them. He shifted in the bed, bringing his legs up to cross them Indian style. Dixie checked his vitals and recorded them in the chart. "Don't forget you have a physical therapy session this afternoon." She told him.

Johnny made a face, "You mean torture session."

"Now, now, I thought you were all eager to leave this fine establishment? You can't have one without the other," came a deep voice from the doorway.

Three sets of eyes looked up. Kel Brackett looked around and frowned, "It looks like I missed the party."

"Yeah," Johnny smacked his lips again as he grinned, "Gretchen's coffee and Lina's cinnamon rolls."

Brackett scowled at them. "Well. In that case I guess I'll have to get my pleasures by harassing you."

Johnny laid back into his pillows and gave a whimper. Then he looked over pleadingly at Dixie. "Isn't there one roll left? Something we can bribe him with?"

Dixie smiled as she patted his arm. "Relax. Lina left some down at my desk." She turned to the doctor, "You can have some of _**my**_ coffee and a roll later."

Brackett's face fell, "You take away all my fun. I enjoy tormenting him." Then he smiled, "Alright Johnny. All kidding aside, how do you feel?"

"Usually with fingers. Sometimes with my toes and always with every nerve ending." He shifted uncomfortably as he added, "Sometimes more readily than others."

Brackett made a pained face, "See what I have to put up with? I told you, he's easier to deal with when he's in a coma."

Roy chuckled, remembering when Brackett had said that once before. Johnny made a face and sank back into his bed, straightening his legs as he gave a great sigh. With the teasing out of the way, Brackett checked his patient over then, replacing his stethoscope, gave a grin. "Well, it looks like everything is about as normal as normal gets for you."

Johnny made a disgusted face, "No offence Doc, but stick to your day job."

Brackett chose to ignore him as he wrote in the chart. "Dix I think you can tell Gretchen that she'll be rid of this ungrateful creature tomorrow."

At that Johnny perked up. "I'm getting out of here? Finally?" His excitement made the others laugh.

"Not out of the hospital yet," Brackett corrected and watched as Johnny's face fell. Then he added, "But off this floor yes. I think you're well enough to move you to a different set of nurses before you wear these girls out."

Johnny frowned, "I've not worn anyone out." He muttered petulantly.

Roy blinked in surprise while Brackett took his leave along with Dixie. "Well, whadaya know? Gretchen was right."

At his partner's bewildered look Roy told him of the conversation he'd had with the other nurse. Soon Gretchen herself came in, smirking broadly as she handed Johnny his medications. She winked at Roy, "Told you." She commented.

"Ahhhh, Gretchen. Won't you miss me?" Johnny whined as he blinked pitifully at the nurse. She swatted his shoulder causing him to duck and giggle.

"Not a bit, hoseboy. Not one bit." She growled. Then laughed with them. As their merriment died down a grumbling noise was heard. Gretchen's eyes widened as Johnny blushed. Now it was Roy's turn to look smug. "I think someone is hungry again."

Gretchen chuckled again, her blue eyes twinkling as she recalled their earlier conversation. "Well, better feed him Roy. I won't tolerate anyone starving to death on my floor." Still chuckling at his partner's grumblings, Roy went out and got the leftovers from the previous meal. Johnny ate a good bit more before his strength again ended. Roy left his friend blinking sleepily with a promise to return in the morning to share in his release from SICU. When he returned home he told his wife everything that had happened and still feeling so good announced, "Pack up the kids. This calls for celebration. My partner is finally on his way out of the hospital." The kids cheered as they scampered off to the car and a dinner out.

The next day found Roy hurrying along the corridors to his buddy's room. A warm feeling spread through him as he bid a silent farewell to those familiar walls, hoping to not see them for a long time, if ever again.

He entered Johnny's room to see the dark haired man again sitting up in bed. He grinned brightly at his friend. "Hey there partner, looking good."

"I feel great," Johnny nodded, "eager to get a change of scenery." Roy eyed him as he shifted repeatedly, one knee bouncing under his blanket. His heart swelled at the sight, so relieved to see the endless energy he always associated with his kinetic partner returning. "oh." He handed Johnny a long thin packet. "here's a little moving present."

Johnny shot him a puzzled look as he took the package and began to unwrap it.

Roy shrugged as he shuffled his feet, "I uhhh, thought it might help with your PT, or maybe, you know, when you get bored."

Johnny pulled the paper off and sat staring at the two drumsticks he now held. Roy grinned at him then looked alarmed as Johnny's face fell. "Roy?" he asked softly, "Are you trying to tell me something?"

"What? Tell you . . . no Johnny! Why . . .why would you say . . .What would I be telling you?" He finally sputtered out.

Johnny looked up, his dark amber eyes round and sad, "That you'd rather I was a drummer for PCH than in the squad with you?"

Roy froze, remembering the conversation he'd had with Johnny after the second surgery. He began shaking his head adamantly, "No! Johnny, that's not what I'm saying at all! I just thought . . .I just wanted . . ."

"I know what you meant and I have something I've been wanting to say to you." Johnny's voice held steel that made Roy's face pale. He watched as Johnny set his jaw then slowly, carefully pushed himself closer to the edge of the bed. Roy caught up his breath and took a step forward, his arms raised in protest as Johnny slid his legs over the edge. "Johnny! Wha. . . .?"

Johnny raised a hand and cut Roy off with a motion. Then he placed his feet on the floor and gripped the edge of the rail with his left hand. Roy looked helplessly over at Gretchen who had come into the room then blinked in surprise as he saw that, while watching the young man closely, she didn't seem worried. Now really confused, Roy turned his attention back to his friend.

Johnny closed his eyes briefly, took a deep breath and pushed hard. And. He stood. Granted he was wavering a little but he was on his own feet. Roy's eyes widened in surprise, his mouth dropped open.

Johnny looked at him and shifted himself carefully until he fully faced Roy. Face to face and for the first time in weeks, again eye to eye. Roy realized he had been holding his breath and now took a deep one. His vision blurred as his eyes filled. "Johnny." He breathed.

Johnny's face still held the same firm look as he looked his partner straight in the eye. He raised his left hand, pointed his finger at him and said, "You, Roy William DeSoto, have been an ass."

The deep breath Roy had taken burst from him in a choked off combination of a sob and a laugh. He vividly remembered the times he'd told what he thought was his unconscious friend that he couldn't wait until Johnny stood on his own feet, looked him in the eye and told him what an ass he'd been to his face. Now, finally, Johnny was doing just that.

Johnny's face still held it's serious look as he continued, "And if you ever, _**ever**_! do that to me again, I . . .I'll . . .." Suddenly Johnny's voice trailed off. With his eyes locked on Johnny's Roy saw the quick succession of emotions that suddenly flooded those expressive brown eyes. He instinctively knew that Johnny was instantly reviewing those horrid three weeks as he saw the pain and confusion fill those eyes just as he'd seen then and ignored. He saw the devastation and despair reflected back at him as Johnny blinked and swallowed hard, wavering slightly on his feet as it all came crashing back on him.

Roy's heart twisted in his chest as he could hear Johnny's voice, in his mind, finish his statement, and he didn't like the outcome. Tears flooded his eyes, hanging just on his lashes but not falling, as he grabbed the shoulders of the man before him, bracing him firmly. He never broke eye contact as he slowly shook his head, "Never John. I swear. Never."

Those dark eyes searched his desperately and saw the conviction in that promise. Johnny swallowed again and took a shuddering breath, his posture sagging slightly. Roy pulled his friend into a hard embrace, thumping his back as he rapidly blinked his eyes.

"If he ever does anything like that again, you won't have to do anything, John Gage," came a hard female voice from behind them. "I'll see to that!" Both recognized the tone of the old Navy nurse.

"As will we, " Roy looked over and Johnny turned his head to see Dixie and Jo standing in the doorway. Dix gave a firm nod, belying the tears in her own eyes as she gave a firm nod toward where Gretchen stood. Gretchen returned it and Johnny gave his two staunch supporters a weak smile.

"Oh Johnny! It's so good to see you on your feet!" Jo rushed forward and wrapped her arms around him. He returned the hug. Then one knee buckled and both Roy and Jo grabbed a hold of him even as his left hand grabbed the bed rail.

"Don't overdo it. I know the Doc wants you up on your feet several times a day but you're still very weak." Gretchen cautioned as she placed a firm grip on her patient. With their assistance, Johnny crawled back into his bed. A fine sheen of sweat covered his face and his body trembled from the exertion but his face held a mega watt grin.

Gretchen turned a stern face to the others and announced, "You, out of here. I have a final vitals check to do on my patient then I'm kicking him off my floor." She looked back down at John and winked.

Dixie grabbed Jo's left arm and Roy's right, "Let's let the woman do her job. I'll take you on down to Johnny's new room and you can wait for him there."

She started to pull them toward the door and felt Roy resist. He turned back to his clearly tired but still grinning partner, "Johnny …" He started but Johnny shook his head. He grinned at Roy, "Roy. I know." He took one stick and beat 'shave-and-a-haircut' on his rail, then his eyes caught and held Roy's. At that look and the silent communication that passed between them, Roy relaxed. With a last wave and a "see ya soon," He left SICU with a bright and light heart.


	42. Chapter 42

Well, at long last, here they are! Back by unpopular demand-The Kents! Really, again I must state that the views here and some of the language used by the Kents is not my own opinions. Those of you that have read the foreward in Beware the Banshee know this. But there are people like this out there and many of us have had the unfortunate duty of living next to them or working with them or going to school with them. I apologize in advance to any who might take offense to this and reiterate that the story mimics life and such people, sadly, exist. If you can't handle it, consider the story ended from Chapter 41 until the last chapter, then you'll skip all this. As usual, thanks for the feedback and thanks for reading!

Marc Kent couldn't believe how badly his month had been going. He had spent one shift cooling his heels after the debacle—as he referred to it—then just as he had reported to work with Squad 16, that little prick on that squad had told him Brackett had ordered he do the reevaluations before he worked as a paramedic again. He left the station and put in a request he be reassigned with an engine company. He'd gotten word the next day he was to report to Station 127. He'd been working with them now for six weeks.

At first he'd been greeted fairly warmly, then he'd mistakenly made a joke similar to the kind he'd shared with Roy and suddenly the atmosphere went cold. At supper that night, he found his plate shoved clear to the end of the long table and he was blatantly ignored. After supper, the captain had called him into the office for a little 'talk'. He could still hear his words.

"Kent, I know you are still fairly new to LA so I'll cut you some slack." The cold grey/blue eyes had held him as firmly as a steel trap and Kent couldn't help but squirm a little. "I know you worked briefly over at Station 51's and I'm sure my good friend Hank Stanley doesn't allow that kind of humor there."

Kent didn't say a word. He honestly didn't know if Captain Stanley did or not. Most of those kind of comments had been made while in the squad, now that he thought about it. Strange, Roy never uttered any of his jokes in front of the other crewmembers. Kent merely stood silently before his captain.

Cap continued, "We are a diverse crew here as are most crews in LA county and each man is here by his own merit."

Marc thought that over, remembering that for the first week or so he'd thought the crew he now worked with were all white. Then he had noticed a Hispanic girl dropping off one of the hosemen, Ken 'Smitty' Smith, with a kiss, That surprised him because he knew all the crew but one of the rescue men were married. 'Spic must be his wife then.' He mused.

He'd barely recovered from that when he'd heard one of the men joking to another about how his mother had come over and made him a big pot of chitlins and beans and cornbread. Kent had looked at the man carefully from under his arm, surprised now to see 'black' features' where he'd only seen a deep tan before. "But his eyes are green?" he puzzled. His speculations had been interrupted as others of the crew began to complain about not sharing. "We know that little mama of yours can cook," the engineer, a Harold 'Pete' Peters, had whined, "And I bet you ate every last bit of it."

"Yeap," K.C. had chuckled as he licked his lips and rubbed his tummy. "I sure did." Towels flew at him as the others groaned and made comments. Kent kept his head in his locker, slightly stunned at his discovery.

He shifted slightly as all these thoughts passed through his mind now and he nodded to his captain.

"I'm letting you know, unofficially right now, that that sort of talk or thought will not be tolerated in my station. Am I clear?" Captain Kendal leaned forward, never breaking eye contact.

Kent nodded again, "Perfectly, sir."

"I'm sure something like this will not happen again, correct?" He stressed the words and Kent nodded, "Yes Sir."

Cap gave a curt nod, "Good. Dismissed."

Kent nodded as well and left the office feeling thoroughly chastised. For the rest of the shift and into the next he kept quiet for the most part. Much to his surprise, the other crew members soon went back to their friendly ways and he actually found that the Captain was right. No matter the skin tone each man worked as one of a team. He found his own rhythm in the crew and had begun to relax.

Then Tammy had started in on him. Turned out she'd liked the perceived prestige she felt bragging to her friends that her husband was more than 'just a fireman'. She had liked telling those in her circle how Marc had worked "closely and directly' with the famous Dr. Kelly Brackett. And she wanted that back. So he'd swallowed his pride and made an appointment with Brackett for the evaluation test he'd refused before.

First off, Brackett had ordered him to shadow a paramedic team and to his disappointment, he was to report back to Squad 16. This time it wasn't like the pleasant work he'd had with Roy. He was expected to actually touch the patients they were called to, not just handle the biophone like he had before. Both of his trainers expected him to pull an equal share of the work and unlike that Ga . . .Ge . . .that . . .whatever that Indian who had been training out of 51's name had been, they had unfalteringly refused to do it for him when he bulked. He'd only been on one shift with them before they told him they thought he needed more field work but in a more controlled environment. So he had worked three shifts shadowing an intern at Rampart.

He'd just finished that yesterday and he was to report for the results on his written tests tomorrow with Brackett.

The shift had been fairly quiet. The engine had had two minor runs, one with the ladder truck to help get a window washer down from a broken scaffold. The worker'd been unhurt so the rescue men handled it without having to call for paramedics. Now Kent was sweeping the bay area while Pete polished his truck and others checked various equipment while dinner was being fixed. Tones sounded over the speaker and out of reflex they all stopped and listened.

"Station 45, Engine 36, Truck 127. Fire alarm at Redwood Financial Building. 16435 West Pickett Avenue. 1-6-4-3-5 West Pickett Avenue, cross street Scottish Street. Time out 16:55."

The five men on the truck scrabbled to their seats as the ones left shouted, "We'll save ya supper."

"You do that," Captain Kendal called back from his perch and the massive rig rumbled out of the station. As they watched it go, Terry, one of the rescue men, turned to his partner and asked, "Hey, did you hear that dispatcher? It didn't sound like Sam."

"It wasn't." Pete, the engineer from the engine told him. He grinned, "Don't tell me you didn't recognize the voice?"

Terry shook his head, "Not really. I mean it was kinda familiar but . . ."

"Let me give you a hint; he ain't ridin' squad 51 anymore." K.C. shook his head sadly.

Kent felt a chill go down his back. He'd heard Roy had been injured after he left but the scuttlebutt was it would only put him off duty for a month or so. He should be back to work now.

Terry's eyes had gotten large, "Nah, you don't mean they put Johnny on light duty there do you?"

Kent felt a wave of relief; not Roy. Then maybe his partner? He knew he had one, everyone knew the famous John Gage and Roy DeSoto team. He kept sweeping as he imagined the two together, strong and admirable in their uniforms; Roy with his 'guy next door' looks and his always willing to help attitude and, of course, his confident partner, John Gage. He tried to picture John Gage. Bet with a name like that he was a surfer type, Yeah, a real California boy. Kent could just imagine him; tall, muscular with brown hair bleached in lighter streaks from his time in the saltwater, tanned face with piercing intelligent green eyes, the color of a rough surf.

The two would be the perfect team, nearly reading each others thoughts while working seamlessly on a rescue. He paused; now that he thought of it, it seemed he _**had**_ seen the two of them working together one shift. He remembered being impressed by the nearly choreographed way they moved around the victim. He'd talked to that nurse in the ER about it. Yeah, she told him they were the best; great friends as well as the best paramedic team out of Rampart.

He thoughts were brought back to the present as Fultron, one of the other linemen nodded and spoke up, "Yeap. He's still trying to get all his requals done. Heard he aced the first ones the department put him through but had some trouble with the manual dexterity."

Terry shook his head, "Man I hope he passes them. It just won't be the same to not hear Gage and DeSoto over at 51's."

"I heard he was messed up real bad," Pete commented as he rubbed a coupling with a polish rag. "Heard they held him over at Rampart for nearly a month and had to do surgery twice."

Terry turned to look Kent in the eye. "Hey, you worked A-shift with 51's right?"

Kent straightened up from his sweeping as he realized he had all of his remaining crewmates' attention. "Yeah I did. I was partnered with Roy and some other trainee."

"Really?" K.C. asked, "Who?"

Kent shrugged, "Some young kid named uhhh . . . George something or something George. I don't think he made it though; he was a little slow, if you get my meaning." He leaned on his broom. "I remember asking the engineer, uhhhh,"

"Stoker? Mike Stoker." Pete supplied. Kent nodded, "Yeah that's him. He said the kid had been there training forever and that they figured he'd soon get dumped back on a truck." He shrugged again, then leaned forward and dropped his voice conspiratorially. "Kid really blew it out on a call. Got himself messed up as well."

Terry and K.C. nodded at that while Pete shook his head, his voice low, "Yeah I think I heard about that too. Gas explosion."

Realization brightened Fultron's eyes as he, too, nodded, "Yeah I heard about that too. Guess some got it and some don't."

Kent nodded sagely, "Some are just better not to even try." Then he smiled, "But working with Roy was a real pleasure. Great guy, great fireman."

Terry nodded, "So's Johnny. I worked with him back when you were out with that busted arm." He nudged his partner, "It was something to work with a paramedic, not just a rescueman."

K.C. snorted at him, "Next class starts in a week. You can still sign up."

Terry rolled his eyes, "Me? You gotta be kidding. You see how they work those guys? I mean one or more are always on the injured list and the others nearly get worked to death covering the shifts."

"More reasons to sign up." K.C. needled. Terry glared at him, "I don't see you all fired up to join up either."

"Can't." K.C.'s green eyes twinkled merrily, "All the other guys voted and no one else would work with you."

At that Terry made a disgusted noise in his throat and muttered something about finishing dinner. Kent went back to his sweeping, wondering what the meeting with Brackett tomorrow would bring. He vowed he'd give Roy a call and see if the other man would help him study. '_**After all, it wouldn't hurt to have Brackett's lead poster boy still on my side.**_'

That night after supper he did just that, having a very pleasant talk with Roy who sounded at first restrained to hear from him but then eagerly volunteered him and his partner to help.

"Are you sure? I mean I'd hate to impose. I heard he's still recovering." He said.

A pause then, "Yeah. Yeah he is. But he's doing a lot better. Besides, he heard you were trying to get your certification straightened out and told me he wanted to help you if he could." Roy's voice came. Kent noticed it softened when the other man talked about his partner.

"Well, tell him I would appreciate anything he can do." Kent said, then added, "He's a great guy for being willing to do this for me." He oiled and heard Roy sigh, "Yeah. Yeah he is. Listen, I'm on shift tomorrow and he's working. When are you off next?"

Kent looked up at the calendar hanging near the phone. "Uhhh. Tomorrow starts three days off for us."

"Ok. I'll talk to Johnny but how about we set up for my first day off. You come here and have dinner then we'll work together. OK?"

Kent smiled, '_**Yes! I'm in again**_!' "I'll be there. See you then." The tones blared and Roy hurriedly told him. "Go. Be safe. I'll see ya later." Kent hung up the phone and ran out to swing up into his place in the engine.

Roy smiled as he sauntered down the hall from the emergency entrance. "Hey Dix." He cheerily called out. He'd been back on duty for two shifts but this was the first time they had coincided with the head nurse's shifts.

She lifted her head at his call and returned his smile, "Hello yourself there Roy." She pointed the end of her pen toward the door in front of her, "Dywer is still in there with your patient."

Roy nodded and moved toward the coffee pot. He filled a cup then turned holding it out with his eyebrows raised. Dixie shook her head and finished the last bit on the chart in front of her before snapping it shut and sliding it into the rack on her desk. "So Roy, glad to be back?"

Roy sipped his coffee before answering, "Yeah, yeah I guess I am, but . . ."

Dixie gave a gentle smile as she laid a manicured hand on top of his newly healed one. "But it won't be complete until Johnny is back too." She guessed his thoughts.

He smiled shyly at her, "Yeah, that's right."

The exam room door opened and Dwyer gave Roy a grin and a thumbs up. Roy nodded. Then Dwyer grimaced and pointed to the restroom. Roy laughed and gave his current partner a nod. Both watched as the man disappeared inside.

"Speaking of your partner, how's he doing?" Dixie now braced her hand under her chin, a faint smile on her face as she watched his eyes light up.

"He's doing really well. You know he's already passed all the qualifications for the fire department . .. " He paused as she nodded, "well, now he's working on all the paramedic side."

"Well I have no doubt he'll soon be back." She soothed. Roy sighed as he took another long drink, "Well it can't be too soon for me. Whenever he's out, the passenger side of the squad becomes a regular revolving door. Don't get me wrong, most of them are good, some are even friends, but . . ." he hesitated again.

"But none of them are _your_ partner." She finished. A smile broke out on his face as he nodded.

Both looked up as Brackett's deep voice echoed down the hall. The dark haired doctor saw them and headed their way with Marc Kent, Roy now noticed, right behind him. "Roy, it sure is good to see you back at work." The doctor greeted. Roy reached out to shake the offered hand. "It's good to be back, Doc." He looked over at Kent and gave a smile, "Marc, how you doing?"

Marc gave him a easy smile but Roy noticed it didn't change the calculating look in his eyes. Strange he'd never noticed it before. "Real good Roy. I just completed the last of the written exams set up by Doc here."

Brackett glanced at the man, "Yes and he passed. Now he'll move on to the practicals."

"That's great!" Roy extended his hand, "Congratulations!" Marc shook it. "As I said before, I'd be glad to help you out in any way I can."

"Thanks Roy, are we still on for tomorrow night?"

Roy nodded, and Marc's smile got bigger. "That's great, just great." Marc gushed, a little too oily for Dixie's liking but Roy didn't seem to notice. "Just a matter of time before I'm back in the field, ole buddy." He moved closer to the other paramedic, "I hear you've been having a real mixture coupled with you lately."

Roy rolled his eyes, "You could say that."

Marc smacked the other paramedic's back then rested his arm across Roy's shoulder as he said, "Well, perhaps soon that position will be filled with your old partner."

Roy's eyes turned thoughtful, "I truly hope so," He murmured. Dixie noticed the ecstatic look on Marc's face while Roy only stared at the HT in his hand with a rather longing look. Then he seemed to shake himself aware and looked again at Marc. "Hey! Johnny is working on his recert practicals next week. You might be in the same classes!"

"Or he might even be teaching your class." Brackett added, "I've got him putting in hours by being a instructor."

Marc continued to smile, his expression not changing as he watched Roy. "Oh, That's . . .nice . . ." he said rather vaguely.

Roy nodded his head enthusiastically, "I'm sure he'd help you out if you need it."

Again Marc smiled, "Ok." His voice was still unenthusiastic then he moved closer to Roy again, "You'll help me too, right?"

Roy blinked, "Sure. Anytime, just call . . .or . . .or stop by. You know the address. Bring the family. I know Chris and Jenny would love to see the kids."

Marc tightened his hold over Roy's shoulder as he laughed, "I just might do that."

"Speaking of the family," Dixie coyly interrupted, "everything still on for the last weekend of August?"

Roy straightened up, his eyes dancing with his barely concealed excitement, "You bet! Jenny and Jo have just gone nuts decorating and shopping and cleaning. When Johnny sees it all, he's just gonna flip." He looked at the doctor then at the nurse. "You guys are coming right?"

"Wouldn't miss it, Roy." Brackett assured. Dixie smiled, "Neither would I. It isn't everyday you turn . . . what is it? 25?"

Roy got a contemplative look on his face. "26. He'll be 26." His gaze fell to his hand where he rubbed at the healing mark there. "He almost didn't make it to 26." His voice came out in a whisper. Brackett and Dix heard it and sympathized, their own expressions pensive. Kent just looked impatient. Brackett grinned and broke the moment with, "Speaking of Robin . . ."

Three tones from the HT in Roy's hand interrupted him. Then a very familiar voice asked, "Squad 51 what's your status?"

Roy's eyes positively sparkled as he lifted the HT to his mouth, a huge grin on his face. "Squad 51 available at Rampart." He gave an extra tap to the button after he released it.

"Squad 51. Man down. Westen Apartments. 1265 South Hassel. 1-2-6-5 South Hassel. Apartment 3-F as in Fox. BC. Time out 14:45." Then came two rapid squelches.

"10-4. Squad 51." Roy answered, then looked up at the three watching him, still grinning largely.

"Was that . . " Brackett questioned as he gestured toward the HT.

"Johnny's working at Dispatch right now." Roy's grin became even larger as he announced this. He pulled out a pad and quickly wrote down the address.

"I'm familiar with most of the codes, Roy," Dixie frowned as she shook her head, "But I don't think I know what a 'BC' is?"

"That's Johnny's way of saying 'Be Careful" Roy explained as he rapped twice on the door to the men's room. Both doc and nurse made a knowing 'ahhhhh' sound.

Marc tapped his fingers on the desk, a look of irritation on his face at being left out of the conversation. "Uh, Roy? I think your HT is malfunctioning. It's squelching strangely."

Roy laughed as he shook his head, "No. It's fine." He looked at the nurse, "That was just Johnny saying 'Hi Dixie.'"

She smiled at him, and batted her eyes, "Well tell him "hi" back , if you can."

Roy waved the HT to Dwyer who had just immerged from the bathrrom. "Oh, I can. Hey Dwyer! Johnny says we got a man down at the Westen Apartments." With that the two paramedics headed off.

Brackett looked at Dixie and shook his head even as he smiled, "Figures Johnny would find a way to communicate to Roy even under the strict guidelines of the FCC." He chuckled. Dixie giggled as she nodded her head.

Marc looked from one to the other, the look of irritation still on his face. "Is that all you needed, Dr. Brackett?" His voice came out a little too forceful and he attempted to modulate it down by smiling.

Brackett looked at him and nodded, "Yes. You have the schedule. Just report here for each of the classes marked."

Kent nodded and left.

Dixie watched him go, her eyes narrowing. Brackett watched her for a moment then leaned closer. "Now, Dix."

She glared at him, "Don't you 'now Dix' me. I don't trust that man."

Brackett gave a faint shrug, "He passed all the written exams."

She humphed, "So he knows his stuff . . " She raised an eyebrow before she added, "on paper. And he might do well in the practicals. But out there . .." She waved a hand toward the ER entrance.

Brackett sighed, "Well. We can only wait and see. He'll have his in field training with an experienced paramedic team just like all the others."

As he walked away, he heard Dixie mutter, "It was when he was alone that he froze, and Johnny nearly paid with his life."

Marc's mood had soured somewhat by Roy's obvious distraction over the dispatcher he apparently knew. As he drove his car home, he thought about that. '_**Well, who ever he is, he's just a dispatcher. Not a real fireman. So once I get back into the squad next to Roy, I'm sure it will be right back to where we were before.**_' He drove the rest of the way with a smile on his face as he mused over all the things he'd be doing with his 51 buddy again. '_**Tammy will be so happy. She's been out of sorts since she hasn't been palling around with Roy's wife**_.' He shook his head, "Women! I have no idea what they argued over. But I know Tammy has called several times to let JoAnne apologize." He remembered Tammy's barely coherent babble about JoAnne's sudden leave of sanity and how she'd allowed a drunken savage to stay in the house while Roy was at work.

"I'm as Christian as any," His wife had ranted, "I help out with the church bazaar each year and have even sang in the choir for Christmas! I believe in helping those who are underprivileged. The bible says we have a duty to help them. But it also says we have a duty to keep our own families safe. And poor JoAnne isn't thinking of that! The bible says that if one of our brothers or sisters is doing wrong, it's our Christian duty to tell them so. Why! It's just her and two little children in the house. We could wake up tomorrow and hear that they were murdered in their sleep or .. or " She gulped dramatically and paled, "Or worse."

"Maybe I should go over there and kick it out." Marc stated as he got up from his easy chair. Tammy grabbed his hand. "No. no! I don't want you over there." She took a few gulps of her martini to calm herself. "Anyway, just as I was leaving Roy came home."

At that Marc perked up, "Roy? But he's on shift today? Why was he home?"

Tammy made a dismissive motion with her hand, "Ummm. He had his hand wrapped. I guess the doctor sent him home?" She thought about that for a moment then nodded, "Yes. I remember JoAnne saying something about the doctor sending him home so she could take care of him."

Marc settled back and poured himself a drink. "Well then. I'm sure Roy will take care of it."

Tammy gulped more of her drink then shook her head sadly, "I hope so. But he was acting strange too. Maybe he was on painkillers or something." She shook her head again then placed her fingers into her hair. "It was awful, Marc just awful. I just wanted to get away from there."

Marc pulled his wife close and made little calming noises. "You don't worry about it. You just finish your drink and relax. Tell you what, I'll go get dinner somewhere. You just relax."

Tammy drained the rest of her drink and Marc refilled it from the remainder still in the shaker. "It was awful, Marc, just awful. I was only trying to help. Why couldn't JoAnne see that it was wrong! Just wrong! I told her to take that . . .savage back to the hospital, that they have people trained to handle them but she wouldn't, just refused! I hope they're alright." Marc just nodded, watching as his wife's mutterings got softer as the amount in the glass got lower.

Marc was brought out of his memories by the honking of a horn somewhere off to the side of him. He looked around, made certain it didn't involve him and turned into his addition. He entered the house and called out, "Tammy?"

At once his wife appeared from the front room. "Did you pass?"

He nodded and smiled at her. Of course!"

She squealed her delight and gave him a hug. "I knew you would. You are so much better than most of those they hire now."

Marc shrugged, "It was fairly easy," he told her, forgetting how hard he'd sweated over several problems, or the fact that he'd passed with only a ½ point.

"Well of course it was." Tammy acknowledged. "I think it's very progressive of LA County to open up this opportunity for jobs to those less intellectual but that can cause drawbacks too. I mean if they can be trained then they should be given jobs. They'll still have others over them and watching them so it should be safe." She turned from the pot she was stirring and shook a spoon at her husband. "But I worry that when they lowered the standards to let those others pass it might mean less quality care for people who need it. Being a regular fireman on a truck isn't so bad for most of them but being a paramedic . . ." She smiled as she vigorously stirred again. "That's why having good men like you and Roy is so important. You can help when and where it is needed the most."

"Yes dearest," He muttered vaguely as he prepared himself a drink. He saw his wife's martini glass was nearly empty and topped it off. Then he settled into his chair to read the paper while dinner cooked.

Later, after the dishes were washing and the kids were getting ready for bed, Marc said, "I'm going over to Roy's tomorrow for dinner."

Tammy looked up and blinked rather blurry eyed at him. "Oh?"

He nodded, "He and John Gage are going to help me get ready for my practicals test."

Tammy smiled brightly, "How lovely! The two best paramedics in all of LA County are going to assist you!"

Marc nodded, feeling rather pleased with himself as well. "And I saw Roy today. He's back to work. We talked about me becoming his regular partner once I get through all this mess."

Tammy's smile widened. "Oh honey! That's marvelous!" Then she frowned. "But what about John Gage?"

Marc's face took on a sad expression as he thought over the conversation his shiftmates had had yesterday and he sighed, "The hazards of being a firefighter. He got hurt and is now working only as a paramedic instructor and a dispatcher."

Tammy's face reflected a moments sadness then she shrugged, "aww, that's too bad. Oh well. His loss is your gain." She smiled. "I'm so happy for you."

Marc nodded as he settled back. Yes. He was happy for him too.

The next day Marc woke late, drank his coffee out on the back deck while his kids ran around the yard and Tammy shopped off somewhere. Lunch was the peanut butter and honey sandwiches that Amy currently insisted was all her tummy could handle. Then when Tammy came home, he took a nap. Soon it was 4:00 and time to gather his books and head over to the DeSoto's.

Tammy kissed him at the door, telling him, "Bye Honey. Study hard. And tell JoAnne I'm going to come by tomorrow so we can go to the mall together." He nodded and left, his mind already on what delight would be for dinner. Tammy could cook and did—most of the time—but the meals at the DeSoto house rivaled some of the best meals they'd eaten out. Both he and Tammy had missed their weekly invites for dinner that they'd gotten used to when he'd worked at 51's.

When he got there, he searched the driveway for another vehicle, knowing John Gage was supposed to be there as well. But the only vehicles he saw were Roy's truck and his Porsche and Jo's station wagon. '_**Hmmm, maybe he couldn't make it after all**_.' Marc grinned as he shrugged, '_**His loss**_.'

He climbed out of the car and sauntered up to the door and knocked. It opened and a young blonde headed boy stood there looking up at him. He smiled at the child, "Hi there uhhhh." He couldn't remember a name but it wasn't important. "Where's your dad?"

Chris looked over the man in front of him. When his mother had told him and his sister that Mr. Kent was coming over, both had become very upset. It took both parents nearly an hour to calm them down and understand what had upset them.

Jenny had hugged her father fiercely, "You promised Daddy. You promised!" Roy had looked at his scowling son then his bewildered wife, "Promised what sweetie? What did I promise?"

"That you'd never treat Uncle Johnny like you had again." Chris growled as he glared. "And now you're gonna partner with Mr. Kent again."

Jo's wide green eyes met Roy's blue ones as both parents slumped. Roy held his daughter closer as he told her, "No honey. I'm not breaking any promise. I'm only helping Mr. Kent study for the paramedic class." He finally, gently, broke the near strangle hold his daughter had on his neck and placed her carefully next to her brother. "I want you both to listen to me carefully. Uncle Johnny is doing better all the time. Soon he'll be able to come back to full duty." He smiled at that thought. He caught his wife's eyes and she nodded, her eyes twinkling. "Uncle Johnny is my partner. And I will not go back on the promise I made you . ..," he tapped each of their noses, "Or the promise I made him. Ok?"

Jenny looked at Chris and Chris looked at Jenny. Finally they both nodded. "Ok Daddy." Jenny conceded, "But I've got my eye on you." With that she left the room.

Now, standing at the door in front of the man Chris rightfully blamed for his beloved uncle's suffering, the boy debated slamming shut the heavy door. But then his Dad would be mad, and he had assured them he wouldn't forget his promise. Besides, and this next thought made Chris smile, Uncle Johnny was coming over too! So, Chris gave a nod and called over his shoulder, "Dad. Your student is here." Then he walked away. Marc watched him go until Roy stepped up. "Strange kid." He muttered, then he stuck out his hand, a big smile on his face. "Hi Roy." He looked past him toward the kitchen and raised his voice. "Hi JoAnne. Dinner smells wonderful."

"Thank you." She answered loudly then muttered under her breath, "It's barely cooking. How can you smell it yet?"

Just then the phone rang and she picked it up. "DeSoto's. Johnny! I've just started dinner." The smile on her face fell, "You can't? Why not? Oh. Ok. I'll get him." She placed the phone on the counter top and walked into the living room where Roy was spreading out the books.

"Roy." He looked up at her call, saw the look in her eyes and frowned as he stood. She motioned to the phone. "It's Johnny. He says he can't make it tonight." Roy called out, "Excuse me." over his shoulder as he quickly headed for the phone. He snatched it up and began, "Johnny? What's going on? Are you ok? What happened?"

A chuckle then the familiar voice said, "Slow down, slow down. Nothing's wrong. I just got my days mixed up. Since I've not been working at 51's my schedule is all screwed and well, I got this week and next week mixed up."

Roy felt himself relaxing as his partner talked. "Ok. So?"

"So, I'm leaving for my trip now. I'll be back in three days. I hope that Jo hasn't gone out of her way fixing stuff."

Roy looked around the kitchen, "noooo," he drawled, "Looks like just baked lemon chicken and mashed potatoes and hot fresh rolls from scratch and buttered corn and oh, peach pie with ice cream for dessert."

A heavy sigh came from the other side. "You just had to do that, didn't you Roy?" He whined, "You just had to tell me everything she fixed. Now not only will she be mad at me for not coming but I'm gonna spend the next three days thinking about what I missed!" Jo smacked his arm as she heard Johnny's voice after her husband's descriptions.

Roy laughed. "He's whining now." He told her.

"I'm not whining. I don't whine." A pause, "I'm . . .I'm just expressing my regrets is all."

Roy grinned, "Sure you are junior."

"I fixed enough to feed a fire station because I planned on you being here, John Gage." Jo spoke into the receiver Roy still held.

"I know. I'm sorry." Johnny .. .expressed again. "Look I promise that as soon as I come back down I'll come straight over. I . . .I won't even stop at my place first, OK?"

"You'd better come straight over," Jo insisted, "After three days up on that mountain with no food you'll be starved." She heard Johnny snort at that.

"Maybe you'd **better** stop at your place first, junior." Roy stated.

Another pause then a bewildered, "Huh?"

Roy winked at his wife, "If you're going to be up there on that mountain for three days then maybe you'd better stop at least for a shower before you come over."

"Oh. Ha-ha-ha. Very funny, Roy." Johnny sulked. Then he sighed, "look. I've gotta go. I want to make sure I've got everything ready before the sun sets."

Roy laughed, "Ok. You be careful out there junior."

"I will. I'll see you soon. Tell the kids I said sorry and I'll see them in a few days." With that he hung up. Roy looked at the phone for a few moments but Jo echoed his thoughts when she said. "I sure hope he's careful up there."

Roy nodded. "Yeah. Me too."

He turned to see Marc had come from the living room into the kitchen entryway. "Something wrong?"

Roy shook his head but Marc could see he was clearly worried about something. "No. Not really. Johnny can't make it."

Marc feigned concern, "Nothing bad I hope."

Roy shook his head, "No. He's going on a three day trip up into the San Gabriel's to fast and think."

Now Marc snorted, "What? He on some sort of religious pilgrimage or something?"

Roy wasn't really paying much attention to the other man. His thoughts were still on his partner. "Yeah something like that."

Marc snorted again, "Sounds like some sort of useless tribal . . . primative . .. back-to-nature nonsense."

At that both DeSotos looked at him, their faces first bewildered then cold. He chuckled slightly and spread out his hands, "Well? It does. Doesn't it?" Then he put on a soothing face as he placed his hand on Roy's shoulder. "I know. All kidding aside, you're worried about your friend. I mean you said he's still recovering and now he does this . . .crazy . . .stunt," At Roy's glare he continued, trying to smooth down the irritation he could clearly see on Roy's face. "Look. He's a paramedic right? One of the best right? So he knows what he's doing. I'm sure he'll be fine." He began leading Roy back into the living room and the books.

"Now in three days he'll be back here, all . . . Yul Gibbons'd out," Roy didn't seem to notice he'd said the words with disgust as he quickly went on. "And he'll call you, you'll talk and he'll tell you all about his visions or hallucinations or. . or what ever." At Roy's quick look at him, he smiled slickly, "He'll be just fine. He's a grown man. I'm sure he knows what he's doing."

"Well," Roy conceded, "He has done this before."

"See?" Marc stated brightly, "And he was fine. He'll be fine this time. Now, I was wondering. This part about intubation. Now we still have to get the doctor's permission correct?"

The tactic worked and Roy soon became involved in teaching. They worked for several hours until Jo called them for dinner. She'd already broken the news about Johnny to the kids who sat sullenly throughout the meal. Marc never noticed, kids should be seen not heard anyway. Once the meal was over, he led Roy back into the living room and the books. Jo took care of the kitchen and brought the two men their coffee and dessert. She kept a pleasant smile on her face but couldn't help the way her skin crawled as she watched Marc schmooze her husband.

"This pie is delicious. The best I've ever had." Marc gushed as Jo refilled their cups.

She smiled graciously, "Thank you. Roy, I'm gonna get the kids ready for bed. Marc? Nice to see you again."

Marc smiled oily at her and it was all she could do to keep the smile on her own face. "Wonderful meal, JoAnne. Wonderful." He gushed, "Oh, Tammy said to tell you she'll be by tomorrow so you can go to the mall. She's really missed that you know."

Jo counted to ten before she answered, "Well, I've been really busy. What with Johnny so ill then Roy got sick as well and you know." She shrugged but Marc had already dismissed her. She left the room, vowing to herself that she'd make sure she was gone all day the next day.

"So does John do this sort of thing often?" Marc casually asked, seeing the far off look again in his instructor's eyes.

Roy blinked and pulled himself back. "I'm sorry, Marc. What did you say?"

Marc smiled, "I asked if John does this sort of thing often. Go running off to play nature-boy into the mountains."

Roy smiled as he thought about his partner. "Oh yeah. He goes camping every chance he can get. He really knows what he's doing out there. He'll take his horse and backpack into the hills with hardly any other supplies." He shook his head as he chuckled softly.

"Wow. A regular John Wayne huh?" Marc quipped. "So. You said he passed his fire department tests but had some trouble?' He remembered part of the conversation with his shiftmates.

Now Roy snorted, "No. _**Johnny**_ said he had some trouble. I talked to Wheeler who played victim for Johnny's high rise rescue test. And he said Johnny's time was still better than most veterans or anyone straight out of the academy. However, when I talked to _**my partner**_, he moaned about barely being able to complete the work in the prescribed time." Roy shook his head in amazement, "Wheeler said Johnny could have rescued three people in the time allotted."

Marc smiled, hearing Roy talk about his former partner with such pride and admiration in his voice. '_**He'll miss him, no doubt, for awhile at least. He's obviously still trying to get over the fact that John Gage can no longer ride with him**_.' he thought to himself, '_**But with me as a partner, He'll soon realize it's better to have a more stable man as his partner. Besides, that's what he told me before. He didn't want to have a single partner anymore because they can't keep their minds on their work when they're at the hospital surrounded by those cute little nurses.**_' He nodded to his own thoughts rather than Roy's words, '_**When the time comes, I'll remind him of that.**_'


	43. Chapter 43

Well, here's another chapter! And The Kent's are as 'delightful' as ever! Thanks for all the wonderful feedback; it really is fuel for the fingers. As said, we are getting to within one—possible two, chapters and maybe an epilogue left. Enjoy!

Marc Kent hurried down the hallway, glancing at his watch as he rounded yet another corner. "That candy-striper better be right," he muttered darkly. "She said the lecture hall was down this way." Now he was on his way to his first remedial paramedic class, and to say he was aggravated was an understatement. He finally found the right door and snuck carefully into the lecture hall. He quickly found a seat in the semi dark half-full room and sat down, his eyes on the figure standing in the front of the room. After a brief lecture and slide presentation on practical skills, the lights came up and the instructor ordered, "Pair yourselves into groups and we'll go through intubations first."

"Hey! I'll pair with you, Johnny! Then I won't have to work as hard." A voice spoke up. Several others laughed at that. Marc looked over at them, seeing that each wore a paramedic patch already on their blue uniform shirt sleeves. '_**Ahhh, recerts**_.'

"No one needs to be his partner, he could probably do all the dumbies in the room by himself before half of us even got started." More laughter.

A newer trainee whispered a little too loudly, "If he's that good, then why's he here?"

"Got banged up really bad on a call, I heard. Had to have a mess of surgeries and physical therapy." Someone leaned over to say, "He'll recert, no problem. This is just routine practice for him."

Curious in spite of himself, Marc strained his neck around trying to see the person in question. But there were too many people between him and this Johnny who apparently was somewhere up front. He felt a tug on his arm and turned to see a grinning face. "Hey Marc. Wanna buddy with me?"

Marc gave him a smile, vaguely recognizing the smiler as someone who had taken one of the written exams at the same time as he had. "Sure! Sounds good to me." The two found a mannequin and the needed instruments and settled down. Kent didn't find the process difficult. After all, you could force a little harder since it was just plastic not flesh. He was on his third time when the instructor's voice behind him startled him, "Ease up a little. You don't want to tear the lining. And put some more gel on it, you'll find it slides better."

He gritted his teeth but smiled congenially at the man who he noticed had to be only in his early twenties. "Ok. How's that?"

The instructor nodded, "Better. I think you can go on to the next work station." Marc did so without further comment. Soon the class was over and he stretched tiredly.

"Well, three down, 17 more to go!" His current partner grinned. He patted Marc on the shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Marc nodded, "Sure, sure. Sounds good." And left the hall.

Since that was the end of his training for the day, and not wanting to hang around with any of the other men gathering in groups, Marc left. The next morning found him once more hurrying down the same corridor. This time when he opened the door into the lecture hall, it found it again slightly darkened but not as full. He quickly looked around when a hissing sound caught his attention. He followed it to see the same guy he'd partnered the day before. The smiler motioning toward him and the empty chair next to him. Not wanting to attraction attention, Marc quickly sat in the offered chair.

At the lit podium stood a dark haired man with a slender build in a paramedic uniform. He shuffled through a stack of papers while another man busied himself with a projector. The instructor looked up and grinned at the grumbling man, "Ya got it working yet, Huffman?"

"I'll get it, I'll get it." The man grumbled as he fiddled with a filmstrip.

"Before we have to recert?" Came a voice from across the room. Chuckles followed. "Yeah, ya know they require that every five years." Came another voice. More laughter.

The instructor grinned and shook his head. "Awight, settle down. We can go ahead and start while Huffman finishes. For those of you that don't know it, my name is John Gage and I'll be your paramedic instructor this morning. The lecture today is Scene Assessment. I've started around a sign up sheet as well as some handouts on this class for each of you. Please make sure you are all signed in or you won't get credit."

Marc had been busy reading over the sheets handed him and not listening to the instructor. After all, instructors were boring wannabes who never made it to the field. _He_ was a working paramedic and all this was just a formality. He sighed heavily, '_**Guess I'll jump through the hoops if it'll make Brackett happy and gets Tammy off my back**_."

Cheering brought his attention back to the front of the room and he noticed that the previously blank screen now flashed letters. "Awright! Now, what you're about to see is a short film of a squad's arrival to an actual scene. The call was for a injured child, nothing else mentioned. In the time that this is running I want you all to watch very carefully and then we'll stop the film and see how well you really observed the scene." With that the instructor sat on a chair beside the podium and the room got quiet. Marc squinted at the notes again, trying to read them in the dimmed lights. Suddenly the sound of the projector stopped and the lights came up slightly. The instructor was again standing behind the podium.

"OK. Now. I want all of you to write down everything you can remember from the clip we just watched. Take your time and really think about what you saw, as well as what you didn't see. I'll give you all five minutes then we'll have discussion."

Marc doodled on the paper, wondering what Tammy would have for supper that night as well as what they were going to do that weekend. After all, he didn't need to watch a scene…. That was the EMT's job, and the firemen accompanying them or the cops there. _His_ responsibility was for the victim and that alone. Soon the instructor called out, "OK time." As he looked around at the faces watching him, a crooked grin on his face. "Now. Before you begin I want to assure you that _**nobody**_ will have everything, unless you have a photographic memory like one of . . . ummmm . .. "

"Awww, hell Johnny! Just go 'head and say his name! We all know who you mean!" Came a voice from the back. Laughter filled the hall and the instructor's grin grew. He shook his dark head, "Nope. Not gonna say it. I'll just say that even the best can miss something. The point of this exercise is to learn to look at everything as quickly as you can and record it, catalog it and move on."

Marc could see several of the more experienced paramedics nodding at that. The instructor looked at his paper then began, "OK. I'm hoping all of you got the car sitting on its roof?" He grinned broadly as chuckles came. He nodded, "Good. How about the truck on the sidewalk?" More noises of agreement. "The ball in the street?" This time there was puzzlement and he nodded, "What could be significant about a ball in the street?"

"I didn't see kids around." Someone said. The instructor nodded, "Exactly. Where you see children's toys, you expect to see children. Tell me what other things you saw then I'll tell you some more."

"Was one of those light poles moving?" Came from the smiler and Marc looked at him in surprise. The dark haired man nodded, "Good eye. Yes. It was just starting to sway."

"Umm, I'm not sure if this counts or not but it looked like I saw lightening . ..?" That timid voice came from someone in the middle. Again the instructor nodded, "Good. I'll explain about that in a minute too. Anything else?"

"Hey John? Was there a bicycle near the side of that truck? I thought I saw handle bars." That came from one of the older paramedics grouped together.

The instructor smiled, "Very good. Yes." He took a deep breath then began. "The call was for a injured child. But upon arriving on scene the paramedic unit found what looked to be a MVA involving a sedan and a truck. Later inspection revealed the truck had clipped the light pole and then continued on up onto the sidewalk where it struck two kids on their bikes. They were heading home after playing in a nearby park. The lightening you thought you saw was the power line beginning to snap. The pole crashed down on the sedan, setting it on fire."

Silence filled the hall for several long moments, then someone asked, "John? What about the victims?"

"Both occupants of the sedan died before extricated. One paramedic was injured when the pole went down; he was trying to get the passenger out of the sedan. The victim driving the truck was drunk and survived." Johnny's face grew serious and those closest to him noticed his jaw twitched. Then he added, "The fire crew found the kids when they hooked the truck up to move it. One of the kids also survived but is paralyzed. The other bled out." He shook his head. "The caller had been a neighbor who witnessed only the kids being hit. And yes, if she had given more detail it might have made a difference. However, you must remember most times the caller is panicked. So the information you get might be anywhere from complete accurate to completely false. The responsibility for the scene is ours because they're not the ones trained for this; we are." He let his gaze go around the room. "It's up to the first on scene to make as correct an assessment as possible and to call in any additional units as needed. The paramedic here didn't; he rushed straight to the sedan. It was over seven minutes before a second call was made for assistance and LA rolled a engine and another squad." Silence again permeated the room as those there thought about that.

"John? Did you respond on that?"

The instructor shook his head, "Not our area. Actually this came from St. Francis's files but it could just as easily been one of several from our responses." Marc noticed the instructor took a deep breath, blew it out then nodded toward the man still sitting near the projector. The film began to roll again. "Another thing you have to watch is the silent injuries. We'll be seeing some examples of that later." Soon more scenes of responses came up and each one was discussed in the same manner.

One scene came up and Marc immediately turned away, fighting his stomach. When he looked back toward the front, he found the instructor's gaze fixed firmly on him. He blinked. "Are you OK, Kent?" the dark haired man asked softly.

Marc swallowed hard and forced a grin, "Sure. I'm fine. Why'd you ask?" He bluffed past his upset stomach and racing pulse. Those dark eyes bore into his, still watching him. Marc shifted in his seat, slouched back and tried to look nonchalant. What was with this guy? Why the visual third degree? He'd just been . .. surprised, that's all. All that . . .blood . . . and the scene was in full color . . .

Finally the instructor nodded as if to himself and turned to scan the class again. "OK. That last one. How many victims did you see?"

Startled comments started, "Victims?"

"There was more than the woman?"

"Yes. There were three victims there. Don't let yourself be distracted by the sight of a lot of blood or even a graphic injury. They might not be the worse hurt. As it was, the woman did have a bad laceration on her face and a concussion. But the guy next to her had a perforated chest and was gasping. The woman behind her had massive spinal injuries and a blocked airway. If you'd taken time to do more than a quick bandage on the first woman's wounds, the second woman would be dead. Remember. More than one victim per rescuer; triage. And if, for any reason you can't handle it, call in someone else." Again it felt like those dark eyes pierced Marc.

After that unsettling incident, Marc busied himself by faking taking notes and blocked everything else out. When the sound of chairs scraping the floor brought him back around he looked up slightly puzzled. Beside him, the smiler sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, "Wow. I heard from the other guys that his class was intense but . . .man!" He grinned at Marc. "I'm not sure I wanna eat lunch now after some of those scenes."

Marc made a non committal sound as he followed the others out. He made his way through the line, selected and paid for his lunch then found a place at a table with a group of guys from the morning's class. He made a few required comments then dismissed the others as he ate his lunch. While there he watched as Dr. Brackett came into the cafeteria, headed through the line and made his way to the cashier. Once paid, the doctor looked around for an empty spot in the unusually crowded area. '_**Probably sit with another doctor**_,' Marc mused, '_**Those bigwigs always hang together**_.' He saw the doctor looking around frowning then suddenly he gave a faint smile and headed toward a single person at a table. They were close enough Marc could hear and see what transpired. The person wore fire department blue with a paramedic patch on the sleeve. "Mind company for lunch, Johnny?" The doctor asked even as he placed his tray on the table. The paramedic looked up and Marc was amazed to realize it was his instructor from the class he'd just left!

The man grinned broadly and motioned toward the seat opposite him, "Hey Doc!" He greeted, "Be my guest!" Brackett sat and the two moved closer to the table, their voices dropping as they talked between bites of their dinners.

Marc sat back in astonishment as he mulled this over. Bracket. Dr. Kelly Brackett, head of the entire Emergency Department for Rampart Hospital and boss over the paramedic program stationed there….eating lunch with a common paramedic. _**'Must be someone pretty exceptional to rate Brackett as a lunchtime companion.'**_ He rethought the status of this fellow, _**'Might be worth getting him on my side as well. After all, it's obvious Brackett thinks well of him.'**_ He watched as the paramedic said something which caused the oft stoic doctor to chortle.

"Well, we best get back." Someone from Marc's table announced. Marc looked at his watch, noting the time. Beside them the paramedic was also rising but Brackett stopped him. Marc could hear the doctor tell him, "Good luck."

The paramedic laughed, "I might need it. The next class is with Hancock and you know how boring he is." He shrugged, "On the other hand, I could always use the sleep." Brackett laughed even as he shook his head. "Maybe making you an instructor was a bad idea. The last thing I need in my ER is _**you**_ corrupting a new batch of EMT-B's and Ps!" Now the instructor laughed and left. Brackett watched him go, still chortling quietly and shaking his head before he turned back to finish his meal.

Marc took care of his tray then filed with the others back into the hall. Another instructor, this one a burly wizened man took the podium. He waited until they all found their seats again before spouting the same warnings about the sign in sheet then paused, looking around the room.

"Gentlemen and ladies, I'm Darrick Hancock. I'm sure most of you would rather be anywhere else than here."

Laughter and agreement greeted him. He smiled and nodded, "Good! So let's get the basics done, work a little on field stuff and get outta here."

Cheers greeted this and he began. He'd gone over three techniques when suddenly he paused. It was this break in the drone of voices that caught Marc's attention and he looked around, worried he had missed something important. When he realized that the instructor was only teasing some of the recerting paramedics, he promptly dismissed it all and sank back into his own thoughts.

"Why am I even up here?" Darrick complained good naturedly. He pointed to the instructor from the previous class who was relaxed in his chair, a pencil flipping around and around his long slender fingers. Occasional the dark haired man'd switch the pencil to the other hand, a lazy grin on his face the whole time. "Gage, get your skinny ass up here. It's your blasted technique anyway."

More laughing came as Johnny shook his head, "no. no. That's ahwright. You.. ..you're doing fine, you .. ." He made a hand flip and stifled a fake yawn before saying condescendingly, "Carry on, my good man, carry on."

The class cracked up. Darrick shook his pen at the younger man who grinned back lop-sidedly. "Alright youngster. Just for that, you get to demonstrate first."

More laughter and Johnny drug himself from his chair, grumbling but those closest to him could see his dark eyes shining. He preformed the demonstrated techniques, perfectly and quickly, then went on to do the others not yet shown just as fast. More laughter sounded as he stood up and faced Darrick. "There. Happy?"

Darrick's mouth twitched as he tried to keep a straight face, "Ecstatic." He deadpanned.

"Am I done here?" Johnny grumbled, but then the corners of his mouth twitched as well. Others around him tittered while some shifted uncomfortably, not sure it was all in fun anymore.

Darrick's eyes narrowed as he glared at the younger man. He gave a slow nod. "Oh yeah. You're done here. Get out of my class, you . . . you disruption!"

Johnny blinked at him, a wounded look on his face as he splayed his hand over his chest. "A disruption? Me?"

"Yes!" The other man shouted. "You!" He pointed toward the door. "Out!"

Johnny slowly gathered up his papers and notebook, looking over his shoulder the whole time at the glowering man, the expression on his face one of hurt. He sighed heavily and walked by, head down, feet dragging. As he passed the other instructor, Darrick reached out, grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. He grabbed the now startled paramedic's hand and began pumping it as a huge grin split his face, "Congratulations Gage. I saw Brackett before lunch. You've passed everything. Mine was the last class."

Johnny stood in stunned silence. He had been enjoying funning with his friend and knew they were only playing but this . . . this was unexpected. "I passed?" He squeaked.

Darrick's grin broadened as he nodded, "Yes. Brackett said to give this to you." He shoved an envelope into the blinking man's hand. Others crowded around him, eager to see.

"What's it say Johnny?" They begged as the dark haired man set aside his notebook, pulled the paper from the envelope and read.

Johnny's face broke into a huge grin then he threw back his head and gave voice to a shout. "I passed! I start back on shift in two days! In two days!. Man, I tell you! I can't wait! It feels like it's been forever since I sat in the squad."

Immediately hands pounded his back and shook his hand as Johnny stared with blurring eyes at the official paper in his hand. Finally Darrick bellowed, "Out! Stop disrupting my class, Gage!"

Still laughing Johnny rushed from the room. Marc looked up from his seat wondering about all the excitement. He shrugged and went back to his notes.

Once everyone had finished and the instructor had passed them all he announced, "Alright folks. That's it for today. Next door they've set up for skills practice so nows the time to get in some extra time before the skills test. Good afternoon and good luck." He looked over the class, his eyes suddenly serious. "Some of you will need it more than others."

Marc filed out of the room with the others and found himself in the other room. He knew he didn't need any work in any of these areas. After all, only the first certs and the EMT-Bs really needed this stuff. Experienced field paramedics like him didn't need to practice what they already knew. Laughter from one station caught his attention and he drifted that way. He grinned as he realized his instructor from the scene assessment class was laying on the floor. His smile dimmed as he got his first good look at the man's features; dark hair and eyes, high cheekbones, deeply tanned copper skin. '_**Great. Another Department sponsored Reservation charity case**_.'

The paramedic in charge of the station was joking, "Hey everyone. Pay attention. You might be practicing this today but chances are you'll be strapping Gage down for real some time."

"Ha-ha, Dwyer. You're so not funny." The 'victim' grumbled. Thom Dwyer patted his patient's cheek. "Be a good lil' victim, Gage, and just groan."

As others chuckled, Johnny allowed his eyes to flutter and gave a very authentic groan. So much so, that Marc felt a chill chase down his back and he found himself backing further away. '_**Gage? Had he said Gage**_?' He shook his head, '_**Must have misheard. Probably Cage or Page or something.**_' He nodded, _**'Yeah, that's it. Bet his first name's Gage. Heard people were startin' to name their kids weird names, like using last names for first names. And Lord knows Indian names are strange. Yeah, bet that's it**_.'

He watched as Dwyer demonstrated how to properly log roll a person, keeping the spine straight, how to check the back for injuries or deformities, how to assess the pulses, strap them in, reassess pulses and then lift the backboard onto a gurney. Occasional comments were made from the 'victim' to which Dwyer finally said, "Hush. How many times do I have to tell you when you're on this board that you're the victim and I'm the paramedic!" Again the group laughed. Once Dwyer released his 'victim', he turned to the crowd around them, "OK! Who wants to tie Gage up next?"

"My turn!" A large man stepped forward grinning. The 'victim' rolled his eyes, "You've already strapped me down, Anderson. I want someone new." He grumbled. More laughter filtered around. "How about letting me do it?" Came a soft voice.

The familiarity of it caught Marc's attention and he moved a little closer again. The 'victim' looked up, his face nearly splitting in a grin. "Roy! What are you doing here?"

Roy DeSoto looked at his partner lying on the floor, a cervical collar still strapped around his neck and felt a shiver run down his spine at the sight. He took a deep breath, held it and gently forced it out as he gave a nonchalant shrug. "Oh, had some people I needed to see and thought I'd check out the new crop." He tried to cover his momentary unease with a joke but he could see in his partner's dark eyes that Johnny had seen and understood.

"You sure you want to tie him up? Not bored with that yet?" Dwyer teased.

Roy laughed, "Are you kidding? You've worked with him. It's the only time I can get a word in edgewise!"

"Roooyyy!" Johnny whined. Roy patted him on the head soothingly, "Hush Junior. Be a nice quiet victim for the class." Soon the practice paramedic was once more strapped to the backboard. As Dwyer and Roy lifted the quietly muttering man, Roy looked up at Dwyer, caught his eye and winked. Dwyer grinned slowly and evilly. Just as the two had Johnny over the gurney, Roy suddenly shouted, "Flip him! He's gagging!" And the two did just that as Johnny inhaled suddenly with a squeaked gasp of "ROY!"

Amidst the now uproars of laughter, they righted the still sputtering man and placed him on the gurney. "Not funny, partner. Not funny at all." Johnny growled, his eyes narrowed. Roy, still chuckling, ignored him and turned to the class, "You might have to do that in the field someday. If you've strapped the patient in right, they won't move at all on the board."

"Ahwright. You've had your fun, now release me." Johnny fussed. Dwyer, still laughing, set him free.

Roy had moved across the room and was talking to another paramedic. "Sure Roy. I'm off. Thanks for inviting me!" The boyished faced man chortled. "You said the last Saturday, right?"

Roy nodded, "Yeah. Remember, Johnny doesn't know so keep it quiet, Billy."

Billy Hanks nodded as he grinned, "You got it." Then he looked past him, and said, "Heads up." before walking away.

Roy turned as Johnny walked up to him, rubbing his arms and hands. "That wasn't funny, Roy. Not one bit." He grumbled.

Roy grinned as he crossed his arms, "Oh. I don't know. It was pretty funny from where I was." Then he noticed Johnny's hand motions and paused, the amusement sliding from his face. "Are you alright? What's happening here?"

"Hmm? Oh. Just a little sore." He flexed his hands. "Some of the straps were pushing pretty hard when you flipped me." Johnny suddenly stopped the motion and put his hands on his hips as he watched the worry fill his partner's blue eyes. He sighed. "Roy. It's fine. No damage. The scars are just still a little . . . sensitive."

Roy's gaze searched his face. "You sure?"

Johnny grinned, "I'm sure. Now. I'm finished here. And I'm hungry."

Roy smiled, "You're always hungry, Gage." He looked his friend over. He knew Johnny had nearly gained back all of the previously lost weight but he still couldn't get the sight of his friend's emaciated body out of his mind's eye.

Johnny shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a growing boy!" His grin broadened, "Besides, I've got something to show you."

"Yeah?"

` Johnny grinned as he fingered the envelope in his pocket, "Yeah. C'mon. I'm famished."

The two wove their way through the crowded room and left, never noticing Marc trying to make his way closer to Roy.

Marc watched his goal disappear out the door with the slender Indian by his side. He shook his head sadly, '_**Aw Roy. Not again. Didn't you learn from that first kid? I guess I'll just have to try harder to convince you that those Reservation rejects are only a waste of your good intentions.'**_

Over the next days, Marc attended the required classes Brackett had outlined. And he completed each to the instructor's satisfaction, although each warned him about his lack of enthusiasm. He brushed it off. It didn't matter in class of course. All that was just hoops to jump through so that Brackett would allow him back to be Roy's partner. By Friday he only had three more classes to go and the skill practical. He had just had Dr. Early sign a needed slot when he heard the unmistakable sound of an ambulance approach the emergency doors.

Curious, he parked himself to one side to watch. Soon the double doors swung open and a gurney appeared with two paramedics close by; one by the head holding an IV bag high, the other with a bloody hand clamped tight to the patient's upper arm. A nurse stepped forward and waved toward a treatment room saying, "In Three." The attendant nodded and swung the end of the gurney.

Marc followed, watching as they carefully but quickly moved the limp form to the exam table. A nurse took the handful of vials the dark haired paramedic handed her and quickly headed off. A doctor brushed by him but the door stuck open, giving Marc an uninhibited view. "Changes?" Brackett barked out as he pulled out his light and checked the patient's pupils.

"BP is the same, pulse is still weak and thready, respirations are . . . hold it . .. respiratory arrest!" That came from the dark haired paramedic who had hung the IV on the stand and was now checking vitals.

"Bag 'er." Brackett snapped even as the paramedic grabbed an BVM and began assisting respirations.

"How's that bleeding, Roy?" Brackett asked as he peered around the hand clamped down.

Roy shook his head, "I've got the artery clamped down but it's still bleeding."

"Hmmm, so I see. Nurse! Clamp!" a clamp was handed to him and he began clamping as fast as clamps were added to his hand. Even as he did he continued to bark orders for tests. "Someone see what the hold up is on that plasma!"

"Right here doctor." A nurse answered even as she hung the bag and set up a line. Roy had backed away until Brackett said, "Roy get me another set of vitals, Michelle get a setup for intubation. Has OR been notified? A vascular team ready?"

"Already on standby, Doctor. OR 4 is prepped."

Roy read off the new set of vitals even as Brackett cleaned his hands and moved to the patient's head. "Stop ventilations; I'm gonna intubate."

The dark haired man who Marc was surprised to see was the guy he'd heard called 'Gage' while in the practice area stopped the forced respirations and switched the lever on the table which dropped the patient's head and extended the neck. He backed away as Brackett intubated the patient, then he stepped back forward to tape everything in place while Brackett adjusted the machine.

Roy had a stethoscope on the chest and now nodded, "Good breath sounds all fields." He told the doctor.

A pressure on Marc's arm took his attention away from the drama in the room and he turned his head to see the head nurse looking at him. "Kent, come out of there." She said firmly even as she pulled the door shut.

"I . . I just saw Roy and . . ." He let his voice drop off, not really sure what to say. She looked at him with piercing blue eyes for a long moment then said, "Well, he's a little busy right now. Why don't you wait for him in the doctor's lounge?"

Marc hesitated then gave a nod. The nurse quickly hurried off after seeing him heading for the lounge. But Marc stopped and moved back further down the hall. He didn't really want to talk to Roy while that . . .Indian . . was there. He paused, wondering about that. '_**That's that . . .Gage . . . must be in his training phase. Well, DeSoto is a good trainer but I sure hope he doesn't allow this one to take advantage of his kind nature like that other one did.'**_ He shook his head at that thought. _**'Because I won't be there to help him out this time.'**_

__From his vantage point he could see the two finally come out of the treatment room. As one they headed for the coffee pot behind the head nurse's desk. She greeted them with a slightly harried smile as the Indian poured a cup, handed it to Roy, poured another for himself then raised both the pot and his eyebrow to the nurse. She nodded her head and he filled her cup, then replaced the pot and leaned back against the cabinet, crossing his ankles.

"How's she?"

"Brackett said it looks good. They have to do surgery though." Roy answered as he fiddled with the HT.

"That's good." She marked on a chart then looked at the now grinning face that leaned over her station. She tried to look sternly at him but the twinkle in his brown eyes made such a warmth in her heart it was difficult. So she raised an eyebrow at him and wiggled the chart he leaned on. He pulled back to release it then sipped his coffee before breaking out in a big grin, "Hey there Dix! Ya miss me?"

"Like I'd miss a plague." She muttered as she flipped open the chart. The dark haired paramedic moved closer again, putting on a pouty face. "Awww but Dixie! It's been forever since I was here."

Again she raised an eyebrow. "Really? I could've sworn you were just here harassing me and my nurses two days ago."

He sighed, and looked up at her with sad eyes, his head slightly tilted, "You really think I'd harass you?"

Her heart melted even as her shoulders slumped. She knew that as long as they were there she'd get no more charting done but she didn't really mind. So she gave an exaggerated sigh, even as inside she was flipping cartwheels to see him looking hale and hardy, leaning over her desk, drinking her coffee and teasing her, all things it seemed that just a handful of weeks ago she thought he'd never do again.

She smiled at him and that lop-sided grin became even wider. She tried to renew her faked irritation by looking over at his partner who leaned casually against the wall, sipping his coffee and watching with smiling eyes.

"Roy, can't you control your partner?" She flipped a hand at Johnny who splayed a hand on his chest as he straightened up, trying to look both hurt and innocent. She had to stifle a laugh at the act.

Roy looked at the tall man beside him, an indulgent smile on his face, "Nope." He replied. "I just washed him this morning and I can't do a thing with 'em." He parodied a popular commercial. Dixie sputtered as they looked at each other, twin smirks on their faces.

"Ahhh come on Dix." Johnny chided, "You know you love me." She clenched her fists and Roy grabbed his elbow, leading him away, "Come along Birthday boy," he urged, his voice barely containing his humor, "Play time is over. Time to get back to work." As he walked away, Johnny suddenly turned and called out. "Hey Dixie!" She looked at him and he blew her a kiss, then laughed as she hollered, "Get out of my ER you. . .you . . .hose jockeys!"

Laughter echoed from the two as they left. Suddenly Dixie marched quickly after them, calling out in her best head nurse voice. "Hold it right there one second, hoseboy!"

Roy and Johnny froze then carefully turned around. Dixie walked right up to Johnny, her eyes snapping with anger. She could see the surprise in his brown eyes replaced by uncertainty as she stopped in front of him, her hands on her hips.

By his partner's side, Roy shifted nervously, his gaze going from his friend to what looked like a very PO'd nurse. "Uhhh, Dix, he didn't . .. " He started but Dixie held up a palm to his face, her gaze never leaving Johnny's. Johnny blinked then opened his mouth but before he could say anything, Dixie moved.

With the speed of a snake, she grabbed the sides of his face with her hands, then stepped forward to place a kiss on his lips. She heard him grunt in muffled surprise as she then pulled him tightly into a hug, whispering in his ear. "Happy Birthday Phoenix."

As quickly as she moved forward, she pulled back, slapping him lightly on the arm as she looked over into the wide blue eyes watching her, "Now. Go feed him. I could hear his stomach from clear over at my desk." Roy grinned and grabbed his blinking partner's elbow, leading him away as a stunned Johnny put his hand to his face. Dixie watched them go until they disappeared around the corner. Then the smile she'd been holding back burst free.

"What was that all about?" Asked a voice from beside her. She turned and smiled brightly at Joe Early. "That was the dynamic duo back on the streets again." She happily said.

Joe smiled, "So I saw. It's great to see him back in his blues and beside Roy."

She nodded as she pulled out her unfinished chart again. "Yes. It certainly is."

Marc had seen the disrespectful action of the Indian paramedic and saw the head nurse confront him, apparently slapping his face and reprimanding him from the stunned look on his face. He nodded to himself then moved forward to confront the two paramedics as they neared where he was leaning. "Hey Roy! Have you got a minute?"

Roy paused and looked at the slim man beside him. Dark eyes locked onto Marc and he again felt a shiver at their piercing stare. Then the man spoke, "We missed lunch and I'm famished. I'll be in the cafeteria." He nodded and added, "Kent." then walked off.

Roy watched him go before turning back to Marc and Marc saw a look of irritation flash in his blue eyes before he smiled pleasantly. "What do you want Marc?"

Marc gave a knowing smile, _**'Ahh, he's bugging you already. Don't worry buddy, I'll soon be back with you.' **_Outloud he said, "Well I was wondering when we could get back together. I've got a couple questions on some things."

Roy shifted his weight, his glance again going to where Johnny had disappeared. "So, another one you have to monitor huh." Marc said in a knowing voice. That got Roy's attention and he looked back, confused at the comment. "What? Oh,uhh. You want help. hmmmm, Well, as you can tell I'm on shift right now." He hesitated.

"How about this weekend?" Marc pushed.

Roy frowned, thinking outloud as he said, "Well, there's the party on Saturday but the rest . . . yeah. I guess. Listen why don't you just give a call first ok?" He slapped Marc's shoulder then headed off.

Pleased at his observations, Marc headed the opposite direction. He thought about what he'd seen in the treatment room as well as with the nurse and Roy. '_**Well, this reservation reject's as good in the field as he was in the skills practice'**_ he mused, then chuckled, _**'But the staff here and Roy are already sick of him. It won't take much to get back in at 51's.'**_ With that happy thought he left Rampart.

When Roy entered the cafeteria he looked around and soon spotted Johnny already paying for his lunch. He looked up, caught Roy's eye and nodded toward a table. Roy nodded back and got into the line to get his own meal. As he was watching the attendant place a large serving spoon full of stroganoff on his plate, the back doors into the kitchen opened and a woman came out with a fresh tray full of food. She looked up at Roy and her face broke into a smile. "Hello Roy! I haven't seen you around here for a while."

He smiled back, "Hi May. Yeah, I'm back at work now and since Johnny was released . . ." He shrugged.

She nodded, "I'm glad to see you're all healed." She looked around then back at him. "So. How is your friend doing?" Her voice was soft as she asked as if afraid to hear the answer.

But the look of unadulterated joy on the other man's cheery face made her relax. "He's doing great! In fact today is his first day back in the squad with me!"

She smiled happily, "Oh, Roy. I'm so glad to hear that!" _**'More than you'll ever know.'**_ She thought. "I know you were so worried."

Roy nodded, "Yeah. He had a lot of people worried. But that's all over now." He looked over at his partner sitting waiting and grinned back at the dietitian. "Hey, he's over there waiting for me, why don't you come on over and say hi? I told him about you and he wanted to thank you for the extra food while he was here."

She hesitated, "I don't know. I'm kinda busy right now; I've got some stuff in the ovens." She followed as Roy completed his selection and handed the cashier the money.

"I understand. Well. If you get a chance, come on over. I gotta go. We . .. we could get toned out at any time." He apologized. She waved at him. "Go. Go. I understand."

Roy waved good bye and quickly joined his partner. Johnny looked up while drinking the last of his first milk. "What took you so long?"

"I . ..uhhh, I was talking to May. You know, the dietitian I told you I met while you were still in SICU."

Now Johnny perked up, "The one who sent me those extra trays. Where is she? I'd like to meet her. Roy, that was the best beans and pork I've had in years, the only thing better was my grandmother's beans and venison. And her flatbread . . ."

Roy smiled, "Down junior. I think she's a little old for you."

He laughed at the indignant look Johnny threw him as he opened his second milk. "Not every female I met do I want to date, Roy." He scowled, "Geeze, you think I'm that shallow?"

Before Roy could answer he was distracted when a small delicate hand placed a generous piece of cherry pie with a lit candle in it in front of Johnny. Johnny stared at it for a second then looked up into a pair of world worn amber eyes. "How . . .how did you know it was my birthday?"

May looked down into those chocolate brown eyes and panicked. As badly as she wanted to see him up close—healthy, walking and talking, she was terrified of this. She opened her mouth but all that came out was small stammers as those beautiful eyes blinked up at her. She held her hand down to keep it from stroking his face.

"Oh, that's my fault, junior." Roy broke in. Johnny turned from those amber eyes to raise an eyebrow at his partner. Roy shrugged, "It's probably not for your birthday. See I told May that today was your first day back at work."

May breathed a sigh of relief as she nodded and jumped on the excuse. "Yes, I just thought that was something to celebrate." She smiled brightly at him and saw him return it. "Well, ahwright! Thanks!" He took his fork and quickly plopped a bite of pie into his mouth. He closed his eyes in appreciation. "ummmmmmm."

"You're welcome." She told him as she placed another piece in front of Roy then added two more milks.

Roy grinned at her. "Johnny if you can stop stuffing your face for a second, I'll introduce you. May, this is my partner-John Gage. Johnny this is May Applegate."

Johnny took a swig of milk to empty his mouth and extended his hand. May took it, trying hard not to stare at the still raised red scars on it. "It's a pleasure to meet you, May. And I want to compliment your cooking. Your food kept me from starving while I was incarcerated here." He joked.

May smiled, not letting her emotions show on her face. She was real good at doing that. Covertly she was looking him carefully over, seeing he was healed and there was a healthy glow to his once more tanned skin. She shivered involuntarily as she remembered the pale, skin and bones creature she'd first seen in SICU. "I'm glad to meet you and I'm glad you liked it. I try to serve nutritious meals that have some flavor as well but when the doctors order a certain diet . . .well?" She shrugged and he laughed. She let the sound of it ring through her, then colored with embarrassment as he tugged gently on the hand she still held.

She reluctantly let his hand go and stood there just staring at him until she saw the puzzled look come to his eyes. "Well. I'm glad you're back a work. Maybe I'll see you two in here again sometime. I gotta go. Nice to meet you, Johnny. Roy." And she left.

Johnny watched her go, the expression on his face unreadable. Then he turned his attention back to the pie. Roy had finished his meal and was gulping his pie when he looked over and saw Johnny staring at the remaining two bites on his plate.

"Johnny? Don't you like it?"

"Huh?" Johnny looked up then smiled, "Yeah. Yeah I like it. In fact I love it. It's great. It's just . . ." He stopped, poking at a cherry.

"It's just . .. what?" Roy coaxed.

Johnny shrugged as he ate another bite. "It's just weird. I guess."

Now Roy was really confused, "Weird. Weird how?"

"Well, see. When I was little, after we had moved back to the reservation after my dad hurt his hand?"

Roy made a 'go on' motion with his hand, having no idea where his friend was going with this.

Johnny took a deep breath, let it out slowly then began. "My grandmother—that's my dad's mom—she had a real thing for fruit trees so my grandfather made her this mixed orchard." He stopped, chuckling over a memory. "Some of the tress died one hot summer and the surviving ones cross pollinated with each other. You should've seen it Roy. We had the weirdest mix of apples and pears. We called them perapples. They were red and sorta round like apples but had flesh that was soft and tasted like pears."

Roy grinned at that thought, and the look the happy memory put on his friend's face. Then he shook his head in confusion, "I don't get it. What does that have to do with pie?"

"Huh?" Johnny refocused on his partner. "Oh. Well. We also had this fantastic cherry tree. It was my favorite place. I'd climb up into it and stay for hours, just hanging around and eating cherries and spittin' the pits at people below." He hesitated as he added in a softer voice, ". . . until the day my aunt caught me." He grimaced and unconsciously rubbed his arm. At first this caused Roy to grin also, thinking of his partner as a mischievous young child, then he remembered some of Johnny's fever dreams had to do with him hiding from an feared aunt. The smile quickly left his face as he saw remembered fear reflected now in those dark eyes.

"Sounds like a great place for a kid." He said softly, hoping to re-anchor his friend and help him continue. It worked. Johnny shook his head slightly then looked up, grinning at him. "It was. Anyway, every year for my birthday, my mom would bake me a cherry pie and put a candle in it. Of course we had a cake too later on but when it was just the five of us at lunch on my birthday—grandmother, grandfather, mom, dad and me, we'd have cherry pie." He looked again at the last bit of pie before he picked it up and shoved it into his mouth.

Roy sat back in his seat. "Wow." He said quietly. "Yeah. I guess you're right. That is kinda weird."

Just then three beeps came from the HT asking, "Squad 51 what's your status?"

Roy stood up as Johnny quickly gulped down the last of his third milk. "Squad 51 available at Rampart."

"Squad 51, stand by for response." Came Sam's voice then came a string of tones. Johnny pulled out his pad and pen and quickly wrote down the address even as Roy acknowledged the call and the two raced off.

From the kitchen, a figure watched, tears in her amber eyes as she whispered, "Happy birthday, Tanagila. Please be safe."

We had those trees when I was younger—the perapples were the sweetest juiciest fruits you've ever eaten! Each one of us kids had a tree; mine was a peach tree accidentally mowed off the first year. I talked and argued and begged that tree to live. The spring after I got married it produced peaches the size of softballs. I have pictures! The cherry tree was actually at my grandparents and spitting pits at someone was how my parents met—she the spittie and him and his current date the targets.


	44. Chapter 44

Greetings All. Well, I thought I only had two chapters left... but this one was getting sooo long and I knew you all were waiting as patiently as you could, so I decided to split it into two chapters itself. This chapter, and the second part which will be 45, were/are VERY hard to write as they are so opposite of all I personally believe.

For those of you asking, Child Of My Heart is a work in progress. I will put it up sometime AFTER this is done. I am actually writing four stories at the same time. I promise that this time I will have them more complete before I post. But it means you might have to wait longer.

And... My son in Japan is fine but the military did send his wife and my granddaughter home around the end of March beginning of April. Now they are in military limbo, wondering about their stuff still back in Japan and when his orders to transfer will go through this summer as scheduled..

As always, thanks so much for the feedback. I love seeing it and it makes writing easier. So now enjoy. (Uhhh, those Kents-shudder)

"Marc, Marc you've gotta wake up or we'll be late." His wife's insistent voice drug him from the nice dreams he'd been having. He opened his eyes and looked around from his place on the couch. "What time is it?" He asked as he sat up.

"It's nearly noon." She replied. "Didn't you say the party was at one?"

He nodded, "Yeah, that's right." He remembered the date circled twice in red with the words "B-Day party 1:00" he'd seen on the DeSoto calendar hanging in their kitchen. He stretched, watching as Tammy combed Amy's hair.

"Do we have to go to their dumb old house again?" Amy whined.

Tammy smiled at her daughter, "Just for a little while, dearest. It will help Daddy at work."

Amy pouted as she crossed her arms, "Ok. But I'm not eating anything there. Their food makes me sick."

Tammy patted her back, "You don't have to eat anything. Why don't you go get something to eat right now." Amy left, headed toward the kitchen. Marc turned to Tammy. "Did you get a gift?"

Tammy made a scornful noise. "Of course! It wouldn't be proper to show up for the kid's birthday and not have a gift!" She pointed to a gaily wrapped present sitting on the table by the front door. "How old is Roy's boy?"

Marc shrugged. "I thought he said something about him just turning 6?"

Tammy frowned, "Really? I could have sworn he was closer to Terry then Amy. Oh well, guess he's just large for his age then." She pulled a marker out of the drawer, grabbed the tag on the package and hesitated. "What was his name again?"

Marc stopped, blinking his eyes as he thought. "Uhhhhh, Jimmy? Timmy? Johnny? Bobby? Something common like that."

Tammy made a face at him. "Lotta help you are. You never can remember names."

Marc shrugged as he headed off to the restroom. Tammy frowned at the empty tag then shrugging wrote something. "C'mon kids let's go!" She shouted. Terry and Amy raced past her and headed out to the car. Marc came up to her, a bewildered look on her face. "Where's the baby?"

"You forget the baby's name too?" She asked sarcastically.

Marc glared at her, his lips pulled tight, "No. Where's Jaime?"

Tammy snorted, "With the sitter. I plan on enjoying myself. It's been a long time since I talked with JoAnne and I can't do what I want if I have to stop and care for Jaime every ten minutes." Marc waited until she headed out the door before he rolled his eyes. _**'Great. She's in one of **__**those **__**moods. Well it's a good thing we're heading out then.**_' He knew that no matter what, his wife always was on her best manners when in public. After all, it wouldn't be respectable to be otherwise.

Before long the four Kents were pulling into the cul-de-sac where the DeSotos lived. Cars extended out the DeSoto driveway and most of the normally empty areas around the house were filled. Tammy looked at Marc, her eyes wide. "Wow! This must be some birthday party. There're lots more people here compared to Memorial day!"

Marc nodded his head in agreement as he searched for a place to park. He finally found one and the family left the car and headed for the house. The sounds of people laughing and talking, children squealing, and the smells from a bar-b-que drifted in the air. Marc walked up to the front portal and saw it was open with only the screen door closed. He glanced once at Tammy, gave a faint half-hearted tap to the screen door, for manners sake of course, then opened the door and stepped inside. Once past the entryway, he could see easily into the house and again exchanged glances with his wife. His family followed him and stopped, wide eyed, to gape around. The entry way was decorated with streamers and balloons, a banner over the entrance to the kitchen proclaimed "Happy Birthday Johnny" and a large stack of gifts covered the dining room table. Tammy gave the gift to Terry and told him to place it with the rest. The boy did as instructed then returned to his parents, unsure what to do next.

The sound of raised voices and children giggling turned their attention to the sliding door to the backyard. "You sure you can manage, junior?" Called a voice Marc thought might be Roy.

Another voice, closer to them, answered, "I got it handled, I got it handled."

"Sure ya do Gage. Sure ya do." Came another voice and laughter.

"Ahhhh, go soak your head, Kelly." The second voice grumbled and they heard the sound of the sliding door opening. Childish giggles echoed closer as the voice protested, "Ya know, this would be a whole lot easier if you guys weren't helping me."

"But Tio Juanito. Mommy said to stick to you like glue until she got back. That's what we're doing." A little voice piped up. More giggling.

Before the Kents could move further into the house a figure erupted from the kitchen in front of them causing all three adults to gasp. Tammy and Marc backed up slightly from the tall, slender, well muscled, dark haired man wearing a dark red tank top, cut off jean shorts and at least three kids who all blinked in surprise back at them. Then white teeth flashed on the deeply tanned face as the man stepped forward again, "Um. Hi! I wasn't . . . I mean . . .um welcome!"

Johnny was a little bewildered to see the Kents standing in the middle of Roy's living room but quickly recovered. _**'I guess Roy invited them too. Well. Ok. I guess I should, like, associate with him. After all, I'll probably be running into him on the job.'**_ Out loud he said, "Ummmm, the party's out back. Roy's finishing grilling and we're just getting ready to eat." He motioned back behind him, which caused the girl on his back to giggle as she ducked his thumb.

"Uncle Johnny! You nearly poked me!" She protested. Johnny turned his head slightly, "Nearly poked you, huh? Well whatcha gonna do if I _**do**_ poke you, Kiddle?" He teased as he pushed his fingers into the ribs resting against his shoulder blades. The girl erupted into squeals of laughter and the child sitting on his hip in his other arm began to jump up and down shouting, "Tickle me! Tickle me!"

The child sitting on his foot with his legs and arms wrapped around Johnny's left leg reached over to Johnny's right knee, moving his fingers across the back of it and asking, "Are you ticklish here, Juanito?"

Johnny let out a yelp and moved his leg, his free hand going down to interfere with the tickling hand. "Hey! Hey! Don't make me fall guys!"

"Johnny did you find the . . .oh." JoAnne stopped at the sight of a swaying child-laden +-Johnny and the Kent family in her kitchen. She immediately moved forward and pulled Jenny off Johnny's back, set her down and handed her the bag of buns Johnny had come in for, saying, "Take these to your father, dear."

Next she took the smaller girl from Johnny's hip saying, "I think your Mommy is with your Tio Marco, Julia. Julio? Let go of Johnny now and go with your sister back outside."

The boy unwrapped himself from Johnny's leg with a pout, "He's Tio Juanito. Not Johnny." He protested. She smiled and Johnny bent down to whisper something into his ear. He giggled, nodded, grabbed his sister's hand and took off.

JoAnne's eyes meet Johnny's as he straightened, "Thanks Jo." He shifted his shoulders and unkinked his back, "Gee! I feel so much lighter now! I'll never complain about the weight of my gear again. At least it doesn't wiggle around or try to strangle me!"

Jo chuckled. Johnny moved to pass her but her hand on his arm stopped him. He looked back, his eyebrows raised. She tilted her head slightly to the still bewildered open-mouthed Kents and raised her own brow. Johnny gave a faint shrug then a grin before he bounded back out the door only to be tackled by three young boys as soon as his feet cleared the deck. Soon Johnny and a ball of kids were rolling across the backyard. Jo watched them for a few moments, smiling at the happy sight, then turned back to her newest guests, the smile now slightly faded and forced.

"Tammy! Marc! What a . . .surprise!"

Tammy stepped forward to grasp JoAnne's arm. "JoAnne dear! I can't tell you how I've missed you and how worried I was about you!" She gushed. Then she turned to her children and ordered, "Go on out back."

They left and Marc shifted uncomfortably but Tammy's glare kept him there. She turned back to JoAnne. "I'm so happy to see you looking so well. After what happened last time I was here, well, let's just say I was soooo relieved that Roy came home when he did." She shook her finger in JoAnne's face as she chided her, "You know that what you were going to do was really quite foolish." Then she wrapped her arm around Jo's shoulders and smiled, "But I understand why you wanted to do that. You and Roy have good hearts but you know that even good people can get hurt. There are those who will take advantage of good-hearted people like you." She shook her head sadly, "And there are those on whom such good intentions are just a pure waste of time and effort. They can't comprehend anything truly good because they haven't real souls. Those kind its best not to even try."

She smiled at her friend, "JoAnne dear. I really believe you've been taken in with some of that kind. It's best to leave them to people who are trained to handle such . . . creatures." She squeezed Jo's shoulders and nodded to her husband, "But don't worry. We're here to help back you up and get you out of this situation you've obviously gotten into." Her expression hardened as she glanced out into the backyard when Johnny let out a yelp, disappearing under a pile of children. "Right, Marc?"

Marc had been looking wistfully toward where he could see the men gathered on the back deck drinking beer but the sound of his name called him back to his wife. He gave a reassuring smile and a firm nod. "That's absolutely right, Tammy." He agreed.

Jo blinked in shock at what she was being told—and the implications behind it. She took a deep breath, ready to blast this . . .woman . .. to kingdom come when two things stopped her. One was her son re-entering the house and the other was the thought that Roy—for some unknown and perverse reason—must have invited them.

Chris looked at Mr. and Mrs. Kent standing near his mother and rolled his eyes. "Mom. Mrs. Stanley said we need more serving spoons."

Jo shook herself into action and whirled to the drawer. "Here, I have them here." She said as she grabbed a handful. "Chris? Get the potato salad out of the fridge and take it on out." She took a deep breath, calmed her blood pressure and turned something resembling a smile back to the Kents. "We're all out in the back and we're getting ready to eat." She told them then fled out the door.

Marc could smell the food and his mouth watered at the thought of a repeat of the delicious offerings he'd feasted on at the Memorial day picnic. He glanced at Tammy whose face was twisted into a look that said she'd smelled or tasted something disgusting. "They still let him here. After all, that they still let him in their house. And let him touch their daughter no less." She hissed.

Marc blinked at her, bewildered. She frowned, "Well? Didn't you see him with all those . . . those alien brats hanging on him? But Jenny. Pure sweet little Jenny, she was on his back!" She shook her head as she crossed her arms. "I'm so glad we're back. JoAnne definitely needs my help." With her head held high and a determined look on her face, she crossed the kitchen toward the sliding door. Marc followed her.

Once outside both stopped again, surprised at the sight before them. People filled the backyard, laughing, talking, some playing horseshoes in a corner of the yard. Two large tables were loaded with food and Roy was in one corner of the deck, happily grilling stacks of patties, chicken legs, sausages and hot dogs. Again the two exchanged looks. The Memorial Day picnic had been fun; the food good, the talk enjoyable, but this . .. this was completely different! There was nearly twice the amount of people here now and easily over twice the amount of food! There had been a underlying tension before that was totally lacking presently. The atmosphere was lighter, happier. A couple dozen children scrambled across the yard, shouting and laughing with the tall Indian that had greeted them inside. The adults talked, joked and watched the sight, making comments and once in a while calling out teasing comments to the overwhelmed adult.

Terry had ventured into the backyard when told to by his mother but froze in uncertainty once he left the deck. Before, all the boys had played ball or games together while the Amy and Jenny had played inside. Now, there were twice as many kids here, a more equal number of boys and girls, and they all seemed to be playing with the same Indian he'd first seen inside the kitchen. He hesitated, not sure what to do but wanting to join in on what looked to be lots of fun. His choice was made for him when suddenly Johnny tossed the ball to Terry and hollered "Run! The goals beyond the shed!" Instinctively, Terry took off, ducking around the kids who now moved to get him. Then the tall Indian ran up to him, defending him from the other kids before suddenly scooping him up and racing with him over the goal. Once across and still holding Terry, he jumped up and down, a huge grin on his face, "I win! I win!"

The surrounding kids protested, "Not fair, Johnny! Not fair!"

Johnny grinned at the kids, "What's not fair, Matt?" He asked as he placed Terry back on the ground. Terry shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, still holding the ball.

The light blonde haired blue eyed boy who had been protesting the loudest, blinked in surprise. "Ummmm, he's . . . not on a team . . . .?" He finished lamely and the others nodded in instant agreement.

Johnny grinned as he put his hands on his hips, "Well, it's my party and I make the rules—right?"

The kids looked at each other. Finally Chris nodded, "Yeah. That's what we agreed on." He acknowledged.

Johnny winked at a bewildered Terry, "Well then, I decided he was on my team—so there."

The other kids again exchanged glances then shrugged, "OK. I guess."

Johnny grinned broader, took the ball and tossed it away then in another rapid movement he tapped Chris on the shoulder as he announced, "And now I'm changing the game. Tag! And Chris is it!" He grabbed up a giggling dark haired girl and began running before the other kids could move. Chris grinned broadly then reached toward his sister who yelped and danced out his way. He next reached for Terry but by now the other boy was over his shock and he, too, ran off. Squeals came from all over the back yard as the game of tag morphed into a game of 'tackle Johnny'. Johnny raced around the yard; ducking, running and doubling back on various kids, swooping them upward in strong arms while they shrieked with laughter, then he'd laugh too, and put them down as others attacked him and off they go again to repeat the process.

This was the sight Marc focused in on even as he walked over to where Roy stood near the grill with several others watching the backyard antics. Marc didn't seem to notice the other people glancing his way or the muttered comments of, "Kent."

"'Lo Marc."

"Uhh, hey. Kent."

Marc shook his head as he paused, close enough to hear what was being said in the group, but a little leery as these people who didn't seem the same. There was so much joy and more laughter then he'd seen here before. Mike Stoker looked at Roy, his blue eyes sparkling as he grinned, "Looks like the kids are having a blast."

"Yeah," Captain Stanley snickered, "All of them." Then he sighed happily, "It's so good to see him out there like this again."

Roy nodded, a huge grin on his own face as he took the fresh meat off the plate Jo held and placed it on the grill. A female voice called from near the tables, "Hank dear, would you come here please."

Cap rolled his eyes mockingly at his paramedic and called back, "Coming my dear."

Roy looked up as Marc moved next to him, several emotions flashing quickly across his face as he transferred cooked meat to a different platter his wife now held. "Marc!" he looked past his former trainee and spied sight of Marc's wife looking around her with an expression between distain and astonishment. "And . . .Tammy! What a surprise!"

At that Jo caught her husband's gaze, tilting her head slightly. He shook it and glanced once out in the yard toward Johnny. Jo now shook her head and frowned. Roy sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. "Nice to see you." He added as Jo headed back toward the nearly overwhelmed tables, Tammy instantly at her shoulder.

Marc grinned broadly at Roy and placed his arm familiarly over his shoulder. "Hey Roy! Great party!" He sniffed heavily and sighed in contentment. "And that grilling smells wonderful."

Roy poked at a few sausages. "Yeah. Thanks. Ummm, I'm too busy right now to help you with stuff for the test but if you can wait until later . . ."

"No problem, no problem. We'll just kick back and enjoy ourselves." Marc told him as he tightened his grasp across the other paramedic's shoulders. Roy found himself tightening his jaw as well.

"Careful; that'll bust your teeth." A teasing voice in his other ear said. Roy saw the pleasant look drop from Marc's face as he looked past Roy. However, Roy's body relaxed as he recognized the presence of his partner and he looked up into laughing brown eyes. Those eyes flashed to Kent then back to Roy's and then rolled. Roy chuckled at his friend. Johnny reached out and grabbed a sausage from the warmer and took a large bite. "'bout done here? Chet's whining about our rematch game." He stuffed the remaining sausage into his mouth with another grin.

Roy mock swatted at his friend, "Get outta here, you bottomless pit." He grumbled. "It'll be done when it's done." Johnny laughed and bounced off toward a volley ball net where Marco, some of his family and Chet waited. Roy watched him go, his gaze fond.

Marc, too, watched the Indian. He'd noticed close up several red raised fresh scars quite visible on the tanned skin of the man's arms, legs and face. He frowned, something about the obvious recent injures on an Indian nagged at him. He turned to Roy. "I recognize most of the people here, Roy . . . " He paused as he looked around, noticing Captain Stanley, and the remaining men of the engine crew from 51's as well as several other paramedics. A deep laugh caught his attention and his eyes widened in surprise to identify Dr. Kelly Brackett was also in attendance.

Roy watched Kent's reaction and smiled, waiting to hear what Marc would ask. He blinked, stunned as Marc finally continued with, "But whose your . . uhhhh new dog-scout? He's a new paramedic, right? Are you training him? I think he was in a few of my classes a week or so ago." He snickered as he watched the dark haired man trying to defend one side of the volleyball net by himself. "He is certainly . .. energetic."

Roy turned and looked at Marc, his brows turning down as he tried to figure out if the man was joking or not. Finally he decided from the completely blank and somber look Marc was giving him the other man was serious. "Marc. That's Johnny Gage. My partner." He made a wide sweeping motion around the yard as he looked at the gathered, "He's always been a bundle of energy. Sometimes it seems everyone just feeds off of his energy yet he always has more to give."

Kent looked at Roy, his mouth dropping open. Then he squinted his eyes back at figure diving for the ball. _**'So. **__**That's **__**John Gage.'**_ He mused, '_**I coulda sworn when I met him he had light hair and green eyes.'**_ He shrugged slightly, _**'but, I only met him that once. If John Gage is Indian then no wonder Roy feels like he should train any Indian that comes into this field He misses his first partner.'**_ He shook his head, "No wonder you took on that mistake George."

Roy stared at him. "George. Who's George?"

Startled that he'd spoken out loud, Kent smiled brightly at Roy, "You know. That kid that was with us. I can see why you took him to train. You were thinking about your partner, John. Too bad about George washing out." He clicked his tongue in mock sympathy as he patted Roy's back. "I told you before, it wasn't your fault. Some can and some can't. With them it's a genetic thing. I guess the ones with a higher count of white blood mixed in 'um might do better."

Roy froze, his spatula in mid-flip as his face furrowed. "What _**are**_ you talking about? I've only worked with you with Johnny. _**You**_ were the only trainee we've had recently."

Kent blinked in surprise at Roy. "No, Roy. Remember? That Indian kid that we were training. You know. The one you didn't even trust to do more than carry equipment?" He chuckled to himself, "The one you said was about as good as a rescue dog in the field."

Roy winced as he recalled the remarks. He set the tongs and spatula aside as he turned to Marc. "Marc, there are a few things I think I need to clarify with you. There was no other trainee but you. It was only myself, you and Johnny in that squad. And well, I . . ." He looked at his hands, then looked away, caught sight of Mike who was close enough to hear the conversation, and saw the tall engineer give him a faint smile and a nod of encouragement. He smiled back and drew strength. "I was wrong. I had gotten angry with Johnny and I wasn't treating him at all right. I was wrong to say the things I did, and I did Johnny .. . and you . . . a grave disservice with the things I lead you to believe." He looked back out to where Johnny was in the process of spiking the ball across the net, smiling as he then made verbal jabs at his nemesis.

Kent shook his head, still unconvinced that the same man he now watched racing back and forth on one side of the volleyball net, sending the ball back each time while teasing Jenny and taunting the two linemen, was the same quiet withdrawn man he'd worked with.

Roy, too, watched him, knowing his friend was nearly back to 100% and for a moment saw his friend in the sad condition Kent had known the man. "_**This**_ is Johnny. The Johnny you saw was ill and hurt." He stared after his friend, his voice soft and more than a little sad. "We . . .we nearly lost him completely back then and I have no one to blame but myself."

Perhaps this was the same man . . . .? Maybe his accident had taught the Indian to be a better firefighter, Kent mused, then hearing Roy's words turned his attention back to the paramedic beside him. Kent smiled as he dropped a supportive arm over Roy's shoulders. This, he was familiar with; Roy, being the gentle caring paramedic, ready to take all the world's ill onto himself. "Now Roy. You know that's not true. You didn't put him in front of that building when it blew. You didn't . . ."

"No, I didn't put him in that explosion." Roy agreed, his voice sharp. "But my actions nearly killed him never-the-less. I wasn't there to help him afterwards; I wasn't there to support him before." His voice became soft as his eyes turned back toward the scampering figure who was tossing comments back toward Chet just as quickly as he returned the ball. "I abandoned my partner, my friend, when he needed me the most and I will never forget that. And I will never do that again" He shook his head, "And I will be forever grateful that he seems to have forgiven me, and is willing to forget even when I can't—no, make that _**won't**_ forget myself."

Kent started to say something else but stopped as Johnny dove after the ball, tripped and hit the ground—hard. Roy called out, "Watch it Junior, they're ganging up on you there!" Johnny turned, sending a mega watt grin toward them, "Well then pally, you'd better come help me! After all, _partner_, that's what partners do, right?" Roy's return smile rivaled the one Johnny sent him.

"Right, partner!" Roy agreed as he headed out to join them. Kent took it all in, a little wide-eyed as Roy reached the net just as Johnny went sprawling yet again. Laughing, Roy grabbed Johnny's upraised hand, pulled the younger man to his feet and clapped him on his back. Their hands remained clasped a moment longer as they faced each other. "You okay?" Roy asked. Johnny nodded then they separated, just a few steps apart as they faced their opponents, braced and ready. "Aww, no fair!" Chet bemoaned. "Cap, not both of them!"

Hank just grinned wider from where he watched on the sidelines, happy to see his paramedics standing shoulder to shoulder again, a united front against all odds. "Tough, Kelly. You'll just have to live with it." He replied. Silently to himself he added, _**'I know I can live with this so much better than the opposite**_**.'**

Kent never noticed as the tall engineer moved him slightly out of the way and took over the grill. His focus was on the two paramedics at the net. It seemed that before his eyes, Roy had become someone different. He had watched Roy greet and help the Indian to his feet. He'd seen something in Roy's blue eyes and in his face that he'd never seen before in the sandy haired medic. Johnny's brown eyes were lit with an inner fire which made his whole face glow and Roy's blues softly but no less intently echoed back that fire. There was something between them; something invisible, yet almost tangible. As he watched them take on the other members of A-shift engine crew, he felt anger and resentment build in his soul. To even him, it was obvious Roy felt something toward this tall Indian he worked with. Stories about Gage and DeSoto buzzed through his head as he watched the laughing two with disgust. "What a waste. Roy could do so much better than that poor excuse of a fireman." He grumbled as he pivoted, turning his back on the grinning pair working in complete tandem. He jerked open the cooler on the edge of the deck, yanked out a bottle of beer, snapped off the cap against the deck railing, not caring that he left a deep gouge in the wood. He upended the bottle and drank deeply.

Tammy, meanwhile, was having her own troubles with the women. She had pushed her way to Jo's side, knocking an older Hispanic lady off balance as she did. Dixie reached out and steadied her friend as she glared at the overmade harlequin. Tammy totally ignored them as she gushed, "Jo, dear! All this food looks great! You've certainly outdone yourself."

Jo looked over at Lina who smiled at her then frowned at Tammy. She saw Becky roll her eyes while Maggie's lips had thinned and she placed a serving spoon in a jello salad with a little more force than necessary. "Well, I didn't do this alone. It really was a group effort."

Tammy gave a glance around, "Yes. Well. I'm know it was your excellent coordinating abilities that pulled all this scattered help together." JoAnne took a deep breath and held it, silently counting to ten but looked over into black eyes as Dulcia shook her head while balancing Julia on her hip. "Not worth it, Chica." She muttered as she pretended to restack the buns on their platter.

Jo exchanged a brief grateful look and got a wink from the younger woman. She turned a forced smile to Tammy, "I don't know what we have here that Amy can eat. We can tell you the ingredients of everything here if you'd like." She changed the subject.

Tammy nodded, "Amy ate before we left but I'm sure if she gets hungry she'll eat from the basket I brought for her." She smiled over at Dixie. "My daughter has a very delicate digestion, you see. It's a medical thing, too complicated for most people to understand. And you just never can tell when you attend these . . . functions . . . what kind of sanitary conditions the food has come from."

A strangled sound came from the vicinity of Becky Stoker, "Three-four-five-six-seven-" She chanted quickly. "I think we're short a few, I'll go get more." And she hurried off. Jo looked at Dixie who shrugged but Maggie just gave a nod as she pretended to look pensive, "I see. Well, Dixie made the jello salad and the macaroni salad and since she's Rampart's ER's headnurse, I imagine she knows a thing or two about sanitation and diseases. And Becky Stoker made the potato salad, the Watergate salad and the lemon pie. She's a pediatric LPN working in the burn unit and you know how careful they have to be because of infections. And the tamales, bean dip, enchiladas, malasadas, and the pecan pie were all brought by the Lopez family and I bet they made them in their restaurant's kitchen since they own the Casa de El Sol." She smiled sweetly, "They've had a A+ rating on their kitchen since they opened."

She looked over the table with a mock frown, "Now the single guys, especially Chet you might not trust. But since they only brought the drinks, chips and buns straight from the store they're probably ok. Ummmm, what's left? Oh. Dr. Brackett brought the fruit salad but I think he had help."

Tammy blinked at that, "Dr. Brackett? Dr. Kelly Brackett?" She looked around.

Maggie nodded as she motioned to the left, "Yes. He's right over there beside Dr. Early. They're both quite fond of our Johnny."

Tammy looked over at a small knot of people talking while watching the antics of the Indian with the children. She spied the dark haired doctor standing next to another white haired distinguished man she recognized as one of LA's leading neurologists. '_**I guess Roy's family is higher on the social scale then I thought if two of the top surgeons in California agreed to come to his kid's birthday party.'**_ She mused.

"Yes. He had help." Dixie chuckled, "His favorite deli on the corner to be exact. However, Joe Early did make the coleslaw himself." She grumbled good naturedly, "10 years I've been trying to get that recipe from him. The only thing he's promised is he'll will it to me."

Lina chuckled at that. Tammy just blinked at the women. Maggie made a motion down the full tables, "And the rest is either from Jo or myself." She shrugged, "I can give you no guarantees on my kitchen. I'm just a lowly Captain's wife."

A snorting sound came from the side as Hank stepped forward and handed his wife a cold soda can, "Don't let her fool ya. She scrubs everything in that kitchen twice a week whether it needs it or not. Her floor is cleaner than the tabletops of some of the restaurants I've inspected."

Maggie smiled up at her husband as she sipped the drink. The distinct thud of bodies colliding along with a painful sounding 'uuoofffff!' came from the volleyball court and drew all eyes that direction. Once more Johnny was sprawled on the ground, but this time Roy was on top of him. Marco and Chet stood laughing for a moment then noticed neither were making any moves to get up. The happy looks fell from their faces as they scrambled to their shiftmates' sides.

The collision wasn't missed by others. "You twits!" Cap yelled out, "Don't you dare go breaking my paramedics! I just got them both back!"

"You better not mess up all that work I just put into you, hose jockey!" Kel yelled out about the same time. Everyone laughed, then suddenly got quiet as they noticed the same thing Marco and Chet did. Immediately and in mass, they headed toward the downed figures.

"Roy! Johnny? You guys alright?" Marco called as he reached out to grab Roy's arm.

Roy blinked his eyes and shook his head, "Yeah. Yeah I think I'm ok. What happened?"

"You ran right into Gage is what happened." Chet said, "Smacked both your heads together."

Roy grimaced, "That explains it. You ok junior?" He looked at the figure under him.

No reply.

Roy's face drained of color as his hand began trying to find Johnny's neck for a pulse. "Johnny? You ok? Answer me!" By now Cap, Mike, Kelly Brackett, and half a dozen paramedics were there.

"Don't move him!" Brackett called out as he dropped to his knees. "Roy what hurts?"

Roy looked up, his eyes holding a slightly wild look to them. "I'm fine. Nothing hurts. Johnny . . ."

Before anyone else could say anything a muffled voice grumbled, " . . .will be just fine if you'll Get . . **OFF** … him!"

Several breathes were released at that. Brackett oversaw the careful untangling of the two bodies and once Roy again stood, Johnny unkinked his own body and began trying to get up. "Not so fast!" Several voices cautioned and multiple hands restrained him. He made a face, "I'm fine, nothing's broke, now let me up."

Reluctantly they did so, watching him closely as he stood and dusted himself off. "Gee, I think you all are just a little overreacting here. I just took a little tumble, nothing big."

"For you it doesn't take anything big." Someone answered and several snickered at that while Johnny's eyes squinted in mock anger. He put his hands on his hips and opened his mouth to retort when a young worried voice chimed up, "Uncle Johnny! You're bleeding!"

Johnny blinked in surprise. "I am?" Then he looked down at himself even as hands once more grabbed him. "Here, on his elbows." Reported one.

"And his knees, bilaterally." Came another.

"His nose is beginning to bleed." Informed another just as Johnny felt the liquid begin to dribble down his upper lip. Before he could draw another breath, a chair appeared behind him and he was gently but forcibly made to sit. His head was tilted back and a light flashed into his eyes even as a cloth was pushed under his nose. Johnny blinked in surprise, giving a yelp as he tried to pull away. "I'm fine! I'm fine!" He protested even as he felt a cold cloth laid across the back of his neck and his elbows and knees being examined.

"Humor us, mi hermano."

"Gage hold still and let them work; that's an order!"

"Gage, I'll take you right back to Rampart if you don't hold still."

"Let them check you over just to be sure, junior."

The voices came almost simultaneously and Johnny's mouth made a silent 'O' even as his eyes widened and blinked. Then laughter rocked the area and Johnny went back to scowling.

"That almost sounded rehearsed!" Dulcia giggled.

"Sounds to me like they've _**all**_ had too much practice." Beth sniffed but her eyes twinkled.

Joe looked over from where he'd been checking out Roy to the knot of people surrounding the darkly muttering 'other' paramedic. "Well, this one will live. How 'bout yours?"

"I think I can predict a complete recovery." Brackett deadpanned. Then a loud gurgling/growling noise came just in a moment of silence. "Although imminent starvation hasn't been ruled out yet."

Laughter eased the previous tension. Joe grinned, "I think this one has a pretty severe case of magnetic rubber-necking. No matter how often I turn his head toward me it oddly manages to face toward you."

Both Johnny and Roy colored at the doctors' humor at their expense. Brackett grinned at Johnny as he stood, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I'd rather you were at Rampart so I could do a proper debriedment and maybe get a skull x-ray . . ."

"Oh come on Doc! It's just a few scrapes! I'm not dizzy or nauseous or anything!" Johnny whined. He pointed a finger at Roy, "He hit me in the nose with his head! Send him for x-rays!"

Roy's eyes got wide as he broke his face away from Early's hands yet again, "Hey! I'm not the one who didn't answer right away!" Joe dropped his head, shook it and sighed heavily. "See?"

Johnny glared, "I didn't answer because I couldn't get enough breath in my lungs to breathe, let alone speak! There was this heavy weight on top of me!"

"What!" Roy bellowed, "Are you saying . . ."

"Enough!" the resounding voice of their captain instantly quieted both men. They dropped their heads and chorused, "Sorry, Cap" with sheepish looks on their faces. Cap gave a curt nod, "That's better. Now," he turned to Brackett. "Do you think they should go in?" He raised a hand without looking toward Gage who stopped his protest mid-squeak.

Brackett tried his best to keep a straight face as he looked over at his comrade. Joe had no such discretion and was chortling gleefully. "What do you think, Joe?"

"I think I'm hungry." He announced and Johnny's stomach loudly agreed. "And he is too." He motioned to a furiously blushing Johnny. More laughter echoed around the yard. Brackett turned back to the Fire Captain who still held his nervously shifting men under his commanding stare. "Captain, I think they'll be fine. We can clean 'em up here and keep an eye on them."

Johnny's breath left him in a loud sigh and he slumped in relief. Cap looked them carefully over then said, "Alright then. I'll agree." He looked over to where Jo had pulled out basins filled with warm water and the first aid kit. She and Dixie stood ready for their orders. "Ladies? They're all yours."

As the two began washing and bandaging, the rest made comments then drifted off. Chet slapped Johnny on the back getting both a scowl and a wince. "Tough luck Gage. Maybe you'll beat us next time."

Johnny looked up, "No need for next time." He hotly answered, "I returned the ball right before Roy plowed into me. If you'd've been watching it instead of making fun of me you would have seen it."

"Hey!" Roy protested again, turning his head back toward Johnny. Jo, who was trying to put ice on the bump on his forehead looked over at Joe Early with a sigh and a 'I see what you mean' glance. Chet snorted, "You wish, Gage, it was out!"

"It was in." Roy backed his partner up. Johnny gave him a quick grin before smirking at Chet. "See?"

"Like he's gonna go against you!" Chet argued, "He's on your team."

"I wasn't." Marco added, "And I saw it too but I was more worried that they weren't getting up at the time."

Chet glared at Marco. "I think you hit _**your**_ head." He muttered. "Caaaappp!" He whined.

Hank raised his hand and all protests stopped as several sets of eyes watched him intently. "It was in."

"Yes!" Johnny jumped up, pumping his fist into the air.

"John Gage will you sit still!" Dixie barked as she swiftly caught the roll of gauze she'd been wrapping around his arm. He hastily sat, blushing bright red as he sheepishly muttered, "Sorry Dix."

Dixie sighed, "Well I'm about as done here as I can get anyway." She told him as she cut off the gauze end and secured it. Johnny grinned, "Thanks Dix."

"You're not done yet, Ms. McCall." Jenny told her from where she'd been 'assisting' the nurse by handing her items. Dixie and Johnny both looked at her, saw the very serious look on her face.

"I'm not?" Dixie said as she looked Johnny over, "What did I miss?" Johnny, too, looked himself over, trying to see what the child meant. His elbows were cleaned, antisepticised and the deepest abrasion covered. The same with his knees and his nose had stopped bleeding although it was still a little swollen.

"You didn't kiss any of his owies to make them heal faster." Jenny explained. Dixie made a knowing sound as Johnny blushed. Then she looked at him and he pulled back at the wicked gleam in her eyes. "Oh. Now. Dix. Uhhh, There's . ..you don't . .. I mean . .." He stuttered, both hands up warding off the advancing nurse.

Then a rich voice proclaimed, "how about if I kiss it and make it better—just like when he was little."

Johnny looked up at the sound of that voice and before anyone else could make a move, with a cry he leapt to his feet and raced over to where a nun in habit stood grinning widely and grabbed her up into a twirling hug. "Ina! Doks ke ya on hey?"

Mark had been watching the fiasco while he polished off another beer. He's been frowning over the fuss being made over Gage. Brackett! Head of the ER Dr. Big Stuff Kelly Brackett was kneeling in the dirt examining a savage's skinned up knees. How pathetic was that? He shook his head, getting another beer, again using the railing to pop the top, not caring where the lid went or the deep gouges he was making.

He watched as the group dissolved and he saw Jo putting ice on Roy's head. He nodded in approval, "That was as it should be with a good wife." Then his attention went back to where the Indian sat. He snickered as the head nurse lost her temper with the man and obviously threatened him. Then suddenly the vulgar creature burst out in gibberish and ran across the yard to . .. ( his eyes popped open wide) assault a nun!

He looked around in disbelief as at first no one seemed to take exception then a small group of people headed that direction as well. "Ahh, now they'll get him. Damned uppity prairie trash should be locked away," he muttered as he wobbled over to plop down at the table and began filling a plate.

Johnny placed a kiss on his aunt's cheek as he stopped twirling her. "When did you get back? How long can you stay? Do you have to go back? How was it there?" Johnny bubbled in Dahkota.

"Manners, Tokalu Chikala.(Little Fox)" She reprimanded him in English.

Instantly the happy look dropped from Johnny's face and he set his aunt down with a quiet, "I'm sorry." his head down. She patted the thick black hair, "That's better. Now. To answer some of your questions, I got back two days ago and found the lovely invitation from JoAnne." She turned to the woman and extended a hand, "Thank you so much for inviting me."

Jo had watched the interaction, saw the change in Johnny's demeanor and questions bubbled up in her mind. She greeted the woman whom Johnny said was his only living relative with a warm smile anyway. "I'm glad you could make it, Sister Caroline. This is a special day for Johnny."

The nun nodded, "Yes. And I must thank you for writing me and keeping me informed on his injures and recovery. You are a special woman to take him in like that."

Jo looked over at Johnny who stood uncharacteristically still by his aunt's side but his eyes were bright and he smiled softly.

Sister Carolina turned back to Johnny, "I can't stay long; I have a flight back out tomorrow. I only came back for supplies." She sighed as she fingered the crucifix around her neck, "God's work is very important there and much needed by those people. I can't stay away from it long."

Johnny's face had fallen at her words and his eyes were pleading as he asked, "Can you at least stay to have something to eat?"

She shook her head, "I'm sorry Toka, no. I have a meeting with the Bishop at 4 then a prayer meeting with the other sisters at Vespers then I'm speaking at a fund raiser tonight in San Bernardino. We hope to raise enough money to get a new Oxygen machine."

"Here." Johnny reached into the back pocket of his shorts, pulled out two twenties from his wallet and handed them to his aunt. "Take this to help."

She kissed his cheek as she tucked the money away, "God will bless you for that."

Johnny looked around him with a contented smile, "HE already has, Ina." He looked back at his aunt, longing in his dark eyes, "I wish you could stay longer. I really would like to take you out to my ranch." Excitement came back into his face, "I've got a horse now and there are great trails to ride and . ."

She chuckled at his enthusiasm as she laid a finger on his lips. Instantly he quieted, getting still again. "You should thank God you have so much when there are so many who have so little." She chided him. He ducked his head and blushed. "I know." Came his quiet reply.

She patted his cheek and gave him a slight one armed hug. Then she made the sign of the cross over him as she recited something in Dahkota. He kept his eyes respectfully down until she finished then said, "He'cetu." softly. He looked up and sighed. She smiled then reached into the large black bag over her shoulder, "Oh! I brought you this." She pulled out a small long package wrapped in a scrap of brown paper. "One of the children made that for you. He shares your name, Juan that is, so he says you are his American brother."

"I'll send him a note next time I write you. You think he'd like a picture of the engine?" Johnny asked.

She chuckled as she shook her head, "Actually the picture of you and your squad disappeared out of my desk and one of the other sister's found it in the laundry, stuffed in a pocket." She frowned then, "He confessed and we had to punish him, as you well can expect."

Johnny frowned and it was clear to all around what he thought of that. "If I send him one, one just for him, will that help?"

His aunt looked at him for a long time as he faced her with pleading plain in his dark eyes. "Stealing is wrong, John." Her voice was firm.

Johnny nodded, "I know. But this would be just from me just for him, to thank him for that." He pointed to the gift she still held. They held each other's gaze for a long time then she dropped her gaze to her hand as she sighed. "I can't stop you from giving someone a gift." She admitted and Johnny broke out into smiles. Her own lips turned up slightly as she extended the package. "Here."

Johnny eagerly untied the bit of string then unrolled the paper revealing a cloth of bright colors. It was a simple man's handkerchief tie dyed in bright color splotches. He smiled, "It's beautiful. Tell him Gracias." Then he noticed something tied into one corner. He looked up at her with a puzzled expression. She smiled, "And that's from me." Then before he could undo the tight knot, she turned to Lina. "Lina Lopez, how nice to see you again. Please tell the ladies of your sewing circle we got the blankets for the clinic. They were perfect, just the right weight."

Lina smiled at her, "I will. Have a safe trip."

Sister Caroline smiled, "I will." She laid a hand on Johnny's cheek and he looked down at her, his eyes sad. "I'm sorry this is such a short trip. Maybe next time."

"Yeah," he said softly, "Maybe next time."

She patted his face, "Remember God loves you and so do I." Then she was gone. Johnny watched her leave, a variety of emotions on his face.

Lina watched her heart child, varied emotions traversing her face as well. "God's work is in more places than far off countries," she muttered softly, "Sometimes God's work can be found right next to you." Then she sighed heavily, crossed herself and muttered something quickly in Spanish.

"Momma . . . ." Chastised a soft voice and she sighed as she faced her daughter's reproachful look. "I know. Sometimes I have a evil tongue. I know she is doing good works but . . ." She looked over to where Johnny looked longingly after his aunt. Dulcia sighed, "I know too. But he has us," She waved her arm around her, "All of us." Lina looked around at the full yard and smiled as she hugged her daughter, "You are right, mi hija. God has blessed him—and us with him."

"Hey Gage!" Chet's shrill call brought Johnny's attention back to the here and now and he turned his head. Chet was shaking his head as he chuckled, "Man, you must really be bad if you even make a nun run off from ya!"

A dark look came across Johnny's handsome face, "A fool finds pleasure in mischief; but a man of understanding has wisdom. Proverbs 10:23" He spat out then walked away.

Chet stood stunned with his mouth slightly open, "What was that all about?" He asked Marco who had come up behind him. Marco shook his head, "Chet, me amigo, sometimes you are such an idiot."

Johnny sat back at the table where Dixie had bandaged him and continued to work on the knot. Finally he got it open and carefully unrolled the edge. Out fell a finely twisted bit of silver into his hand. He laid the cloth down and spread the lump out revealing a hand made silver chain with a enameled silver St. Joseph charm. He smiled softly.

"St. Joseph, the patron saint for protection. I guess she knows you well. " Dulcia's soft voice came and he looked up. "May I?" He extended his hand and she lifted it out. She turned it around and around, admiring the beauty of the chain and the intricate inlays. "Juanito! This is exquisite! Where did she find such a treasure?"

Johnny's smile was tender, "She made it." Was his simple reply. He reached for it and Dulcia willingly gave it back. He put it around his neck and the charm nestled itself just below his shirt collar.

The giggling of children caught both their attention and soon Johnny was surrounded by bouncing bodies. He laughed and with eyes sparkling again, he allowed himself to be drawn off into their games.

Dulcia wandered back over to where Jo was placing the last platter of cooked meats on the table. "So, how's Roy?"

Jo looked over to where Roy was dumping more ice into a cooler of sodas. "Dr. Early says he probably has a slight concussion so I gave him a couple aspirin."

Dulcia frowned, "Will he be ok?"

Jo laughed, "Oh yeah. Doctor told him to take it easy, no more beer and no napping until later." She smiled as she watched Roy watch his partner bound across the yard, "Like he's gonna fall asleep as long as Johnny's here."

"well it looks like everything is ready." Maggie said as she looked around, then her pretty face twisted in disgust as her eyes settled on Marc. "Seems some just couldn't wait."

Jo rolled her eyes then called out, "Kids? Get washed up. Time to eat!" She looked at Johnny. "That means you too, young man!" Her voice held her laughter as he made the same faces at her that Chris was making. Then Johnny led his entourage over to the garden hose where he helped each child wash their hands, getting his own clean as well. Soon squeals were breaking out as water was splashed on more than hands and faces.

Maggie grinned at her husband, "I think you better call your children too." Hank looked around, then bellowed, "Chow!" Instantly Mike, Marco, and Chet trotted over to the tables and began jockeying for a position. Maggie giggled as she discretely pointed to the 'children' playing with the water. Hank gave a weary sigh then obliged her with, "Gage! Come on, take a break from tormenting the kids and eat something, man!"

Johnny looked up and grinned crookedly, "Coming Cap!" then trotted over, a kid under each arm and one attached to his leg, one on his back with legs wrapped around his waist and arms wrapped around his neck, and a big grin on his face. Jo and Dulcia began peeling kids off him as he rubbed his hands together, his sparkling eyes looking up and down the heavily laden table. "Man! Does that all look good!"

A hand on his shoulder pushed him down, "Here, junior, sit here." Johnny sat and smiled at Dulcia who was next to him, Marco grinned at him from beyond her. Roy sat next to him, Jo beside him. Across from him, Marc sat already well into his plate, Tammy on his right, Dixie then Brackett to his left.

Roy looked up and down the table, saw everyone was settled and said, "Lord, thank you for good friends and great food. Amen. Let's eat!"

"I like your kinda prayer Roy." Chet chortled as he began filling a plate. All around everyone was doing the same and soon there were only the sounds of eating broken by occasional conversation.

Kent watched in wide eyed awe as Johnny grabbed a bun and two large patties off the meat plate then made one massively loaded double cheeseburger. In a little more than six bites, it was gone and the Indian proceeded to woof down the other items piled high on his plate as fast as if the tones could sound in any second. All the while he was talking with the long haired spic tart sitting next to Marco, barely clearing his mouth of food each time he talked. His attention was focused on her as he reached for the plate of patties again. His hand jarringly encountered another, pulling his attention back to the table and away from the conversation.

Marc rubbed at his hand, scowling at the Indian. "For cryin' out loud, you idiot, slow down! This isn't some third world country or your reservation; you're not starving!"

Johnny froze, his eyebrows raised in shock. Marc didn't realize conversation all around had stopped as he further chastised the younger man. "And leave some for others! Don't be so gluttonous; you've had two patties already!"

"Two?" Hank's sharp voice caught the attention of all. Marc looked over at the captain, his mouth opening to add more comments about the now slumping paramedic. However, Cap beat anything Marc might have been about to say by saying, "Good Lord Man! You mean to tell me you've only eaten _two_ so far, Johnny?" His voice held his shock. He immediately grabbed two of the fattest patties and plopped them on Johnny's plate. "We can't have that! Why, we have to have been sitting here for at least twenty minutes and you've only eaten _two_ little burgers!"

Marc's mouth dropped open in surprise. The captain was serious! He was upset, like Marc had hoped, but not in the way Marc had expected.

"It's not so bad, Cap." Mike chimed up from where he munched a chili cheesedog. "It was a fully loaded Gage double burger."

"And he's eaten three chicken legs." Chet added.

Marco nodded, "And he's eaten two of Momma's tamales and I think I saw him eat at least four deviled eggs."

"That doesn't include the celery sticks and potato chips he was munching while we were putting the food out." Jo smiled as she wiped beans off Jenny's face. "And I know I gave him two scoops of potato salad and two more of beans and they're gone now."

Brackett looked concerned, "Johnny? Are you feeling alright?" He looked the paramedic over carefully.

Marc's gaze went from one to the other, his mouth hanging open in shock. These people were actually encouraging this . .. this redskinned refugee to eat them out of house and home!

When Marc had started his chastising, Johnny had pulled back, his hands dropping to his lap as his shoulders slumped. As his friend's cataloged his food intake, his face colored with embarrassment but now he was looking from one to the other and could see the concern in their faces. '_**They've been watching what I'm eating**_,' he mused to himself, '_**And they're pushing me to eat more?**_'

Now Roy nudged him gently, "You eat as much as you want. You always know that the ladies make plenty."

Jo leaned over to caress Johnny's cheek, "That's right. In fact, we counted on your appetite."

On the other side of Tammy, Lina smiled, "Mi hijo, you make us happy to see you eat." She glared undisguisedly at Marc.

"Here." Johnny looked down in front of him as he noticed that while the others had been talking, Maggie had dutifully refilled his plate with more treats while Becky Stoker had calmly recreated a Gage double. He looked around, his face still showing his astonishment.

Dixie nodded toward his now full plate, "Eat up Johnny. You're still seven pounds below weight."

At that Cap scowled, "Seven pounds? Seven pounds below normal weight or his normal?"

Brackett made a face, "His normal. He's got to get another six pounds beyond that to be at normal for his age and height."

Johnny sighed, "Ok. Ok I get the idea. I'll eat." He picked up his spoon and filled his mouth with macaroni salad. Roy smiled at him as he tousled his hair, "Good boy junior."

Everyone laughed and the conversations went back to previous levels. Marc turned his attention to his own meal but the scowl never left his face. Why were they all so concerned over the eating of this refugee? And the amount he was eating! How could he be underweight if he ate like that? Then he nodded to himself, '_**Maybe that's why he was invited to Roy's son's party, because he doesn't eat right.**_' Now he shook his head, _**'Lord knows it can be difficult to get meals sometimes with the amount of runs we can get. And if he has no food at home, well, maybe the only food he gets is what little he can get at the station." **_He nodded, satisfied with his deductions._** "That's it. This is a charity case. They just feel sorry for him.**_'

Oblivious to Marc's thoughts, Johnny was feeling a warm glow to think his shiftmates were still concerned over him. Soon everyone had had their fill and even Johnny had slowed down. More conversation came as people settled back. Jo looked brightly up and down the table, "I hope everyone left room for cake and ice cream!" Several groans echoed around her as she laughed. She looked over at her husband's partner, "Johnny?"

He made a thoughtful face, "Yeah . .. there's room, but to really enjoy it I'll wait a few minutes." He grinned saucily at her, "Then I can have a piece of both the strawberry side and the yellow cake side."

More groans sounded and several wadded up napkins pelted him. He giggled and ducked them. "Hey Gage! Since you're the only one of us who can still move, why doncha go get refills for the cooler. Beers gone!" Chet announced.

Johnny made a face at his nemesis even as he stood up, "Beer in the garage, Roy?"

Roy nodded, "Need help?" Johnny shook his head, "Nah, I got it. Needed to go in the house anyway." He rolled his eyes, "You know." Roy chuckled as he shook his head.

"Hey George! Don't drink it all yourself. Bring some out here for the rest of us!" Marc chortled under his breath. Dixie looked at him strangely and turned to give Brackett a raised eyebrow. On his other side, Tammy elbowed him sharply as she gushed over a article on repeat head injures she'd read in the JAMA to Joe Early who patiently listened as he ate, smiling a little to himself since he was one of the collaborators of the article she was badly quoting.

Johnny heard the comment too but chose to ignore it. He headed to the bathroom and did what he needed first then headed toward the garage.


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

Well, here we are . . . the next to the last chapter. As I said before, Chapter 43 and this one were the hardest to write because of the Kents view points. Also, I'm back at Camp again and again, very busy. But I will get this done! To all those who have stuck with me…. Tizameh. Or as Johnny would say, Pilamaya. And in English . .. Thank you very much. For those of you who have recently found this tale .. . .welcome. Now, sit back and strap in, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

When Tammy told Terry and Amy to go to the backyard, Terry raced out ahead while Amy lingered, wanting to hear her mother tear into this low class fireman's wife but instead her mother was being sociable. So with a sniff of distain, she headed out back, looking for Jenny. She was sure she could con the girl into playing what she wanted.

What greeted her eyes both shocked and disgusted her. All the kids, and there were nearly a dozen of them both girls and boys, were playing some sort of chasing game with . . . with that drunken savage! She glared openly at them as they twisted and turned, squealed and raced around him. When Jenny came close to her, she reached out and grabbed the girl, nearly knocking her off her feet as her shirt tore slightly at the neck. Jenny's head swiveled around to see who had grabbed her and the smile faded from her face. Remembering her mother's instruction that all the children "play nice" so as to not upset their Uncle Johnny on his special day, she quickly smiled again. "Amy . ." she started but the other girl was pulling her, saying, "Jenny come on. I want to play with that doll that's up in your closet. You know, old looking one in the box."

Jenny set her feet, the force jerking Amy to a stop. Amy turned to look at Jenny to find cold blue eyes looking back at her. "No Amy. For one, I'm not allowed to play with that doll. My grandmother bought it when she was in England; it's really special 'cause it's made of Chinese and only for looking at." She looked back out to where the other kids had just tripped up a laughing Johnny and were mercilessly tickling him. She smiled at the sight, "And two, we're all playing out here with Uncle Johnny. It's his birthday so we promised to all do what he wants."

Amy snorted, "Who wants to play with a stupid Injun?"

Jenny looked evenly at her. "I do."

"Hey Jenny, aren't you gonna play with us anymore?" Came Johnny's breathless voice as he came up behind her. Then he saw Amy glaring at him and the smile dimmed. He nodded and made his voice pleasant, "C'mon Amy, you can join us. Look." He pointed out into the yard. "Your brother's having fun."

Amy snorted at him as she crossed her arms and sneered, "No thank you. I don't roll around in the dirt like an animal. My mother raised me to behave in a civilized manner."

Johnny started at the retort and his voice was firm as he replied, "There is nothing wrong with letting go once in a while and having fun."

Amy tossed her head and looked pointedly away from him, "I would expect that answer from someone who isn't smart enough to know differently."

She saw her remark stung him as he pulled slightly back, blinking at her, the smile now gone from his face. Then he casually shrugged. "Suit yourself." And he turned, running back into the midst of the children who squealed in delight and ran from him. Amy pulled again at Jenny, "C'mon, let's go play."

Jenny resisted. "No."

Amy looked the other girl over then tried what she did best—she whined. "Why not? I thought you were my friend! Why won't you do what I want?"

Jenny looked at her with all the seriousness a girl her age could muster, "I thought you were my friend too. Until you said all those nasty things about my Uncle Johnny then you hit me." She shook her head, "I don't like you at all anymore. You go do what you want. I want to play with my Uncle Johnny and my friends—my real friends." With that she turned and ran back into the group. Soon Amy was totally forgotten.

Unused to not having her way, Amy stood for a moment in shock then anger began clouding her vision as she watched the other children run, laugh and play with that . . .that . . . garbage.

She turned on her heel and stomped over to her mother. "Mother. Mother!"

Tammy patted her on the head without looking and continuing her one sided conversation with JoAnne about the food. Amy frowned, knowing better than to continue to try and get her mother's attention when she patted her head. To do so would only get her grounded. Muttering angrily, she crossed her arms and stalked back into the house, slamming the glass door as hard as she could. Once inside she threw herself on the couch, swinging her feet to thump solidly on the frame. She quickly tired of that and began looking around. A grouping of pictures on the walls caught her attention and she wandered over to them. She carefully studied each. Most were the typical type taken at school but others showed fun scenes of the DeSoto family. She noticed several were either at the beach or in the mountains. She sighed; her family never did neat stuff like that. Her mother would never leave her precious shaker and special bottles that long. Then she looked closer and frowned deeper as she noticed many had that same stupid Indian in them. "What right do they have to look so happy with that idiot there?"

She smirked as she saw in one picture Johnny was loaded down with a heavy pack and carrying what looked like a bunch of poles and tarps. "Huh. That's it. The only thing he's good for is as a pack mule. 'Bout the same smarts." She giggled to herself and wander down the hall. She'd not been down here before, she'd only seen the living room, kitchen and Jenny's room. And of course the upstairs bathroom.

She opened one door and found a bright sunny room with a daybed shoved near the ceiling-to-floor windows. A few cabinets and a chair completed the room. Nothing interesting. The next room was another bathroom. Big whoop. She glanced at the walls of the hall and the frown returned as she noticed more family pictures, many with that Indian again. "Boy is Dad gonna be mad when he finds out that Mr. DeSoto loves that stupid Injun. Bet he'll never want Dad in the squad with him like Dad thinks as long as the redskin's around!"

The next room was a laundry room, she wrinkled her nose at the hanging clothes—several blue uniform shirts, dress shirts, a couple of simple dresses—boring!

The next room she peeked into held promise. It was filled with bookshelves and a large desk dominated it. She looked the shelves over, picking up several items—a heavy metal fire engine with chipping red paint, some really cool looking rocks, a couple arrowheads—she giggled at that. "Wonder if his _partner_ made them!" Several shelves held a bunch of boring old books on medical stuff and firefighting. She passed those with barely a glance. Another shelf held a collection of small framed pictures. Many of them showed the same men that she'd seen in the backyard only they were in uniform and gathered around an engine. Others showed a large park where they played baseball or something like it. She frowned as the Indian predominantly featured in each, his grinning face either looking at Mr. DeSoto or toward the camera.

She'd moved over toward the large desk and had just opened the first drawer to search it when a deep voice startled her. "I don't think you should be in here, young lady."

She looked up into the dark eyes and frowning face of a tall slender man. She gave him her best smile and innocent look. "I was looking for a rubber band for my hair. Mrs. DeSoto said there were some in here." She lied to the fire captain.

With the same frowning expression on his face, he stepped forward, pulled open the middle drawer, scooped out a rubber band and handed it to her. Then he shut the drawer again. The whole time, his stern gaze never left her. "There. Now I think you should go back out with the other kids."

She smiled sweetly at him, "Thank you sir, I will." She snapped the rubber band around her wrist and moved passed him. She gritted her teeth and rolled her eyes as he followed her out. Instead of joining the kids, who were now watching Mr. DeSoto and the rest of those loser firemen play volleyball, she made a beeline to the corner of the deck where her mother had dropped the basket she'd brought. She opened it up, pulled out a soda and some cheese puffs. She ate a good portion of the bag and drank the soda. She looked around for something to wipe her hands and finding nothing close, went back inside. She made her way to the table covered in presents and wiped her hands on one lacy corner of the white table linen.

The gifts next drew her attention and she picked one up. She shook it. It felt like books. She picked up another but it didn't shake. The next one rattled nicely and she was tempted to use the same technique she used at Christmas to make sure she got what she wanted. A glance out the glass door revealed adults too close for the time she would need. Instead she read the tag. "To Johnny."

She frowned. Mr. DeSoto's son's name was Chris. And her father had said this was a birthday party for Mr. DeSoto's son. She picked up another one, "To Tanagila, that's a weird word." She tossed it back, grinning at the faint tinkling sound coming from the package. She looked at several more of the tags. Almost all said, "To Johnny."

She grinned wickedly as she thought of the mistake her parents had made. "It's not a party for Chris; it's a party for that stupid Injun!"

Happy giggles from the backyard drew her attention and she saw Jenny being swung wildly around and around by that Indian. Anger tightened her jaw and then a wicked gleam came to her eye. She threw the gift in her hand back onto the pile, not caring that it slid back off, carrying several more with it. She raced through the living room and up the stairs.

She immediately went into the pink girl palace she and Jenny had played in before. In a easy manner, she walked around the room, picking up this or that, before putting it back down. The sounds of squeals and laughter came in through the open window. She gritted her teeth at the happy sound, then giving action to her anger, she reached out to the bookshelf in front of her and yanked the stacked books free. They hit the floor with a satisfying thump.

A depraved smile curled her lips and she went around the room, pulling items off shelves, off the walls, knocking them off cabinets, watching as they spread across the floor. With a demented giggle, she ran down the length of the long dresser, sweeping everything off onto the floor, smiling as several items shattered.

Johnny had just shut the garage door and picked back up the two cases of beer when he heard a noise upstairs. He glanced into the backyard but his fast scan showed nearly everyone still seated around the tables. He put down the cases, tilting his head as he listened. This time there was not only several thumps but the distinct sound of breaking as well. With a frown on his face, he quickly moved through the living room and began climbing the stairs.

"Hello? Anyone up there?" He paused just a few steps up, listening.

Nothing.

"Hey? Anyone up there? Do you need help?" He called again as he started back upward. Suddenly Amy rounded the corner and began walking down. He watched her carefully, his face schooled into a neutral expression. She paused several steps above him, making herself slightly taller than him, smiled sickeningly sweetly at him then skipped happily the rest of the way down.

Johnny watched her go until she disappeared at the bottom, headed toward the living room. Suspicious now, he hurriedly finished climbing the stairs. He checked Chris's room first but nothing looked out of place. Next he checked Roy and Jo's room across the hall. Again, nothing looked disturbed. Same with the bathroom.

Then he opened Jenny's door.

He paused at the doorway, his eyes going wide as he scanned the wrecked interior. Then his hands settled on his hips as his face settled into a stern countenance. He spun on his heel and marched down the stairs, his face in a uncompromising mask.

He reached the living room and looked around for his objective. She wasn't there. "Big surprise." He muttered and headed back out toward the backyard. He saw Amy standing by the edge of the deck. Without breaking stride, he clamped a hand down on her shoulder and moved the startled girl forward, causing her to drop the soda can in her hand, even as he called out, "JoAnne? I need to see you."

"Get your filthy hands off me!" Amy growled. Johnny took his hand off her shoulder but stayed behind her. JoAnne came over, her expression curious. Tammy, hearing her daughter's voice, joined her.

"You gonna tell them or should I?" Johnny ground out.

She glared at him, angry that he wasn't intimidated and instead had looked her straight in the eye, not backing down like she's made him do before. "Stupid drunken redskinned savage. Doesn't know his place." She muttered. Johnny heard and his jaw tightened slightly.

At her words, Jo frowned and crossed her arms as well. She looked up at Johnny and could see he was angry about something, "Johnny?"

Johnny still looked at Amy but she resolutely turned from him, sticking her little nose up in the air.

"Very well, your choice." Johnny said. He looked up at Jo. "I was just coming in with the beer when I heard a crash upstairs. I thought maybe someone had fallen or something so I headed up there. Amy here," he nodded at the girl, "passed me on the stairs headed down." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his expression toward Jo now apologetic. "Jo, Jenny's room's been trashed. Stuff all over the floor, the bed ripped to pieces, some of her figurines broken, the mirror on the dresser as well."

Jo gasped as her eyes went wide. "What?" Other voices echoed similar sentiments as they drew closer.

Tammy looked shocked, "How did that happen?"

Johnny looked at Amy pointedly. "Ask her. There was no one else up there."

Now Amy looked at her mother and tears sprang to her eyes. She looked at Johnny with horror-filled eyes. "Oh Mommy! Protect me!" She threw herself into her mother's arms sobbing seemingly uncontrollably. Instinctively Tammy closed her arms around her daughter. By now they had attracted quite a crowd.

Johnny blinked in surprise at her reaction. Marc pushed his way to stand near his wife as Tammy cupped her daughter's head with her hand. "Oh baby! What's wrong? You can tell mommy."

"Promise you'll protect me." Came the child's muffled voice. Tammy exchanged a glance with Marc before answering. "Of course we'll protect you. You know that; we're your parents. Now, do you know what happened?"

Amy nodded but kept her head buried, her wails not diminishing. "Well, baby. Tell us."

Suddenly Amy turned and pointed her finger at Johnny. "It was him! He did it! I was just sitting in Jenny's room reading a book and he came staggering in and started grabbing at me! He chased me all around the room. I was trying to get away from him! I ran down here . .. to get away from him! But he followed me!" She pushed her body as close to her mother as she could, "Protect me, Mommy! You said you'd always protect me!"

At Amy's accusations Johnny's mouth dropped open in shock and his formerly crossed arms fell to his side. "What!" He squeaked.

Marc's face turned red and his fist flashed out but was instantly intercepted by Mike who stood next to him. The two men glared at each other but Mike held firm. With a slow shake of his head, he forced Marc's hand down and held it there.

"Now let's just wait a moment here." Thundered a firm voice. All eyes, including Amy's, went to the stern face of the fire captain. He looked at his youngest crew member who had paled, his dark eyes wide. "John?"

Johnny shook his head, "No! I didn't touch her until just now! I didn't even _**see**_ her in the room. Like I said, she passed me on the stairs and then I went up to see what the noise was."

"I saw her come out onto the deck. She didn't look scared at the time. She went over to that basket and pulled out a soda. It was a good 5 minutes before Johnny came out." Maggie offered, her crystal blue eyes frowning at the child.

"Yeah. I saw her too." Several others called out.

Cap crossed his arms as he stared at the girl. "I found her in your den, Roy, before we sat down to eat. She said Jo had told her to go in there for a rubber band." He pointed to the rubber band still on the girl's arm. Amy quickly moved her arm behind her back and pulled the band off, dropping it to the ground but several people had already seen it.

JoAnne's eyes narrowed as she stared at the girl. "You've not spoken to me at all since you've been here, Amy. And I wouldn've never sent you to Roy's desk for a rubber band when I have them in a drawer right in the kitchen."

Caught in several lies and being looked at harshly by the surrounding adults, Amy switched tactics. She grabbed her belly and moaned loudly, "Ow! Ow! My tummy! Mommy! Their food has made me sick again."

Immediately Tammy wrapped her arms tighter and crooned, "Oh my angel. Now, just relax. Mommy will take care of you."

"Perhaps I can help?" Kelly Brackett stepped forward and Tammy's face brightened.

"Oh, Dr. Brackett! Oh thank goodness you're here." She stroked Amy's head, oblivious of the hate-filled glares the child sent toward Johnny. "My Amy has such a delicate digestive system. She's so easy upset by certain foods."

Brackett nodded his head as he bent in front of her, "I see. Well, what did she eat?"

Jo had continued her scrutiny of the child, watching her closely as she openly glared at Johnny and now she very sweetly said, "I only saw her eat some cheese puffs and drink sodas she got out of the basket her mother brought." She looked around, "Did anyone else see Amy eat anything else?"

Several responses came;

"Nope."

"No."

"Only the cheese puffs"

And "I haven't even seen her out here much. She's been in the house most of the afternoon." came from the surrounding adults.

At that Tammy's face colored slightly, "Well, yes. I did pack some things that I know Amy has eaten before with no trouble." She turned back to the doctor who was looking closely at the child who still glared at Johnny. "I think she has Cronams disease."

"Um hmm." Brackett muttered as his eyes checked for respirations and skin color and condition.

Encouraged by his attention, Tammy quickly warmed to the subject. "Yes. Some days she can barely eat anything. She has terrible pains in her tummy and awful headaches . . ."

"Does she vomit often?" He interrupted. Tammy blinked, "Well…. She has gagged once or twice. Usually when we eat away from home." Again she started, "See at home I fix her special meals, mostly peanut butter and honey sandwiches on white bread… with the crusts removed. The crusts can make her ill. And I found soda settles her tummy so I no longer give her milk. I also . . ."

"How often has she had bouts of diarrhea? Was it ever bloody"

Tammy blinked, "No. No diarrhea."

Brackett reached for the child, "May I?" At Tammy's nod he palpitated her abdomen. Caught off guard, Amy forgot she was supposed to be hurting until he pushed near her right side. She doubled up and moved away as she cried, "OW. That hurts."

Brackett blinked and his mouth twitched. "Sorry." he told her, then looked back up at Tammy. "You say she has Crohn's? Who is her doctor? What did he say?"

"Umm, well, she's been seeing Dr. Ashton." Tammy admitted next, "He's run several tests and right now it's . . . it's inconclusive." She glanced quickly around her, "But I've been reading and I just know that my angel have Cronam's disease. It fits."

At the name of the doctor, Brackett and Early exchanged glances. Both were very familiar with the pediatrician who was more concerned with pleasing paying parents than diagnosing his patients. And he wasn't above ordering a barrage of unnecessary tests or proscribing sugar pills as long as the parents kept paying.

"Well, granted I can't tell from here." Brackett said. "I would need you to bring her in and we'll do some tests. I'd like to get a cat scan and do a barium scan as well and definitely several blood tests. But I seriously doubt it's Crohn's Disease, her symptoms don't match."

Amy's eyes went wide at that, she knew that tests meant possible blood draws and that meant needles. The last thing she wanted was needles. As Brackett reached for her again, Amy pulled back between her parents, "Don't touch me!" she screamed. Brackett backed off, his face going blank but the corner of his mouth slightly twitched.

"Honey, Dr. Brackett is a doctor. He just wants to . . ." Marc started but Amy glared. "I don't want him touching me. I saw him treating the Injun. I don't trust him." Her eyes narrowed as she looked the doctor in the face, "I don't think he's white. He looks like a WOP or a Spic to me. I only want a _real_ doctor."

Marc scowled at his daughter as he leaned down and hissed, "That's my boss, young lady. He's the head of Rampart's ER."

Amy blatantly ignored him as she looked up at her mother, squeezing a few tears from her eyes. "Please Mommy. I don't trust him; he hurt me. Promise you'll only let a real doctor help me. Promise."

That said, Amy made a small whimpering sound as she backed closer to her mother. Brackett gave a short nod and stood back up. Tammy blinked owl-like at the tall doctor, shock on her face.

"Well. Then. When you bring her in, Mrs. Kent, come see me." Came a soft voice and Tammy and Amy looked into the knowing eyes of the white haired doctor. Amy's eyes shifted over his face but realized he looked too white for her protests to work. With another ploy ruined, Amy glared again at Johnny hoping to stir things back up with him.

"What does all this have to do with what _**he**_ tried to do to me?" she cried hysterically as she pointed at Johnny.

Johnny's voice was hard as he said, "I didn't _**do**_ anything to you. I didn't _**try**_ to do anything to you. I only told everyone that you destroyed Jenny's room."

To Amy's horror her tactic of diversion had worked but not in the way she'd planned. Once more the issue of Jenny's room was being discussed. She had to get them to realize it was all the drunken redskin's fault.

"Are you saying that you all . . ." she scanned the surrounding adults, keeping her tear-fill eyes big and round and as innocent looking as possible—and she had perfected the look over the years, "believe a drunken injun over me?"

"We believe _**Johnny**_." came a few muttered replies. Others nodded their heads as they shifted, their expressions showing their doubt over the girl's claims.

Tammy's gaze darted from one cold stern face to another. "No, baby." She crooned in support but her voice was unsteady, "that's not what we're saying at all."

"I'm not drunk. I haven't had anything but soda and Jo's ice tea all day." Johnny hotly contested, his arms again crossed firmly over his chest. Several heads nodded to that.

"You can't believe him. Drunks lie about their drinking." Marc challenged as he, too, glared at Johnny. To his great surprise the crew of Station 51 all chuckled and several other of the firemen around grinned.

"You don't know Gage very well then." Chet chortled.

"That's right." Someone else added, "Gage can be honest to a fault."

"Unless it's over whether or not he's been injured." One of the paramedics in the back chimed in and there was a light wave of laughter on that remark.

"And besides," Mike smiled, "Becky and I brought him a case of his favorite red cream soda. We had a friend bring it back from their trip to the plains."

Now Jo and Roy smiled as Roy chuckled, "With that red cream soda available there's no way Johnny would drink anything else." The crowd agreed and Johnny blushed slightly.

"I bet if we set up a sobriety test, Gage would pass with flying colors." Chet announced, his hazel eyes glaring at Marc. "Unlike some others here." Marc swallowed hard as he straightened up, trying to cease the slight sway he'd had since standing. Then all accusatory eyes turned back to the trio of Kents.

And both Marc and Tammy looked ill under the scrutiny on them.

"Of course he's drunk! He's a Injun and they're all drunks, right Mommy?" Amy insisted. "Besides, you said he drinks when he's here; you've seen him!

Tammy's face blanched as all eyes settled on her, "Well now dearest. Ummm that's not … you see, some people …..ummm."

Amy's look went from wide-eyed to narrowed and calculating, "Mommy, you said all Injuns were drunken, wife beating, child abusing savages and Daddy," She turned her narrowed eyes on her father, "you said that only ones with lots of white blood in them could be trained for simple work, that the rest were too lazy and didn't have the brains of a ass."

Dark mutterings came from several adults. Brackett looked first at Dixie but saw her gaze was on Johnny. He followed her look and saw the paramedic's game face was firmly in place but a muscle faintly twitched in his cheek.

Amy glared hotly at Johnny, her face twisted in a ugly pose. "I want you to make him pay for chasing me. I want you to make him sorry." She looked at her father who seemed to shrink before her eyes then at her mother who was wringing her hands. Her gaze went around to the other adults gathered, saw the distrust in their faces and was shocked to realize it was aimed at her! This was something she'd never experienced before. She had always been able to get most adults to let her have her way. Why were they taking the sides with this stupid redskin savage?

She turned back to her parents. "Why aren't you doing something? Daddy, you always said that if any injun got uppity with you you'd show him his place!" She pointed again at Johnny. "This injun doesn't know where he's supposed to be! He thinks he's as good as us! Look at the way he acts and talks around us! And go look in the house! There's all kinds of pictures of him in there playing with Chris and Jenny and stuff! He even has them calling him their Uncle! That's just wrong!"

She looked sternly at her father, "You said that the Desotos' needed help to get away from him. That he had them fooled. Well, you were right. You have to stop him before he ruins them." She stomped her foot in frustration as her parents looked anywhere but at her. "Daddy, you'll never get back into the squad with Mr. DeSoto as long as he's around!" She looked from her mother's pale stunned face to her father's increasingly red one in irritation. Why were her parents acting so scared of this bunch of garbage? Hadn't she heard them say time and time again how whites needed to keep uppity minorities down where they belonged or they'd take over, ruining the world for good people like them? Why weren't they doing it?

She stomped her foot in anger and desperation. "What's wrong with you!" she cried, "Can't you see he's tricking them? He plays with their kids, eats their food, works beside Mr. DeSoto where you should be, Daddy." She waved her arms around her. "Look around you! Their backyard is filled with wetbacks and foreigners that I bet he brought! He's evil! He must be stopped!" She pointed again at Johnny who stared at her through slitted dark eyes, "Why, he's even got them throwing this party for him! _His_ name is Johnny!" She pointed to where Jenny and Chris and the other kids scowled at her from just beyond the circle of adults, "_His_ name is Chris! Chris DeSoto!"

She watched as her mother's pale face went even paler as she turned toward her husband and her father's mouth formed on straight line. "you said it was a party for his son … you said you saw it marked on their calendar." She breathed, horrified at the thought.

"Shut up, woman." He growled as he glared at Johnny. He was really beginning to dislike everything about the slender firefighter.

Amy had had all she could handled and flew at Johnny, rage in her eyes. "Make him pay! Make him pay!" She screamed as she kicked his shins.

Johnny caught his breath at the pain flaring up as the angry child aimed for his skinned legs. But his rugged past had taught him much and not a bit of what he was feeling showed on his masked face.

For a few moments the adults were frozen by the sudden action but Jenny, who had gone up to see her room and had come back down in time to hear Amy's words, had already been pushing through the crowded adults when Amy attacked. Anger at what had been done to her room only added fuel to hearing and seeing her beloved 'Uncle Johnny' mistreated. She lunged forward, her hand drawn back already. The punch landed square on Amy's chin and sent the other girl staggering.

"That's for my room!" Jenny shrilled. Before Amy could recover, Jenny pulled back and smacked her again, this time with a hard slap on the cheek. "And that's for all the awful lies about my Uncle Johnny!"

Amy stared at the panting angry girl in front of her and lost it. With a inhuman sound, she lunged toward Jenny. The adults finally unfroze and things happened simultaneously. Johnny reached down and scooped Jenny up in his arms, thus moving her away from Amy while preventing her from doing any more damage to the other girl. As Amy lunged Maggie caught her arms and lifted her up, pulling her back several feet from Jenny and the abused Johnny.

Amy lashed out another kick to his legs as she moved but Maggie was quicker. She looked back into the steel-like eyes of the fire captain's wife and growled, "Let me go!"

Maggie shook her head she made a tic-tic-tic sound, her grip firm. "Now now, me bairn. I be thinken we've heard 'bout enough ou'a you." Maggie's voice held a deepening of her brogue, showing exactly how upset she was.

Amy whirled on her. "Shut up, you Mick sow. No one wants to hear what little thought you can have."

Several sharp intakes of breath came but Maggie only smiled, a bit ferally, but still a smile. "Ifin yaur gonna trade racial slurs, lassie, ya better learn yaur races." She said coyly, "A mick is Irish. I'm Scottish."

Several chuckles sounded at that. Amy blinked at the reaction, then screamed. "You're all nothing but a bunch of stupid firemen and their stupid wives and friends. You don't deserve to even be in the same place with decent white Christian folk like us! Go back to whatever run-down foreign countries you came from."

"Now I know you haven't done your research." Johnny's voice came and his gaze was unnervingly steady as he backed her down. "This _**is**_ my country, you're the invader."

"And this is my home." Roy's voice was sharp. He spread out his arms to encompass the surrounding area. "And these are mine and my partner's friends. This is a private party for Johnny." He looked straight into Marc's red face. "You weren't invited. I suggest you take your family and leave. Now."

Meanwhile, Amy, unused to being manhandled so easily… and by a stranger no less, did what she did best—she threw a temper-tantrum. She began kicking and screaming as loudly as she could, pulling at her trapped arms, trying still to reach Johnny. But her target was no longer alone, the two firemen who had been standing to his side had moved in front of him and the fire captain was in front of them.

Marc, too, had stepped forward ready to take on Johnny, not knowing in his drunken state that the reason his right arm wouldn't swing forward was because it was attached to a 195 lb engineer. He aborted his attempts when Captain Stanley's trained voice bellowed, "That's enough!" Everyone halted and turned toward him. He looked from one face to another, "All of you, that's enough." His gaze lingered on Amy and with a gentle smile to her husband, Maggie released Amy and pushed her toward her mother.

Amy grabbed a hold of her mother's legs and looked up into her face. "Mommy! Aren't you even gonna . . ."

"I said that's enough!" Hank snapped and Amy jumped at the voice so close to her, blinking shocked blue eyes up at him. Hank looked at the Kents. Tammy had a blank expression on her pale face, her eyes wide and vacant. Marc was red faced and Mike still held tightly to his right wrist. At Hank's faint nod, the engineer released him but didn't move back.

Roy stepped forward, his gaze going first to his partner's face. His brows twitched as Johnny met his eyes but his own were heavily guarded and his professional face firmly in place. _**'You and I will talk later.'**_ His gaze promised the younger man. Johnny gave a very faint nod though no emotion showed in his eyes or face. Roy looked Marc in the eye, saw the blurriness and heavy blinking. He glanced at Marco who gave a nod and ran off. Chet moved so he was now in front of Johnny and Jenny.

Finally Roy looked at the unwanted and –he now knew—uninvited guests. "I think you and your family should leave now." He repeated. He kept his voice firm and calm although he felt anything but. "This is a birthday party for my partner, John Gage, and you are not welcome here." He took a deep breath and continued, "In fact after this latest display, neither you or any of your family are welcome in this house ever again."

He stepped closer, his voice going lower, "Johnny is my partner. And he's my best friend. This is his home as well as much as Chris' or Jenny's or Jo and mine and anyone who can't accept him as he is, is no friend of ours. You have made your feelings about him quite clear through your daughter and I will not tolerate that kind of prejudice in our home. Am I clear?"

Marc nodded at the barely contained anger he saw in the blue eyes staring firmly into his.

"Roy. Cab's here." He turned and acknowledged Marco. Hank had picked up the basket Tammy brought and followed along behind as Mike, Marco and Chet escorted the subdued family out of the backyard. Roy watched them go then turned toward his partner. "Johnny . .."

"Not now Roy." Johnny's voice was low and Roy noticed Jenny was now sobbing as she clung to her uncle's neck.

"She was mean, Uncle Johnny. She said nasty things about you again. And . .and . . .and she broke all the pretty horses you gave me! And tore my bed and my books and broke all my pictures off the wall." She sobbed harder, "I hate her! I hate her!"

Johnny nuzzled her where her face was buried into his neck as he patted her back with his free hand. "No. No, Jenny. Don't hate. Please, for me, don't hate." There was something in his voice that made the little girl pull back and look at him.

"Why not? Don't you hate her?" Jenny hiccupped.

Johnny shook his head, "No, Jenny I don't. And I beg you not to hate her either. I don't like what she did and her words made me angry but I don't hate Amy or her parents."

Jenny was clearly puzzled but becoming more distressed by the pleading look in her uncle's dark eyes. "Why not?"

Johnny sighed heavily and sank down onto the bench by the table. The two were oblivious to the adults surrounding them. "Because Jenny, the kind of behavior you saw here, the anger and the mean words . . .well, that's what hate leads to." He dropped his head for a moment as he thought about what he wanted this little one to understand. Then he raised his face and looked straight into her eyes, "See, sometimes people say things about people who are different than them. Sometimes they just think of it as teasing or innocent comments but those words can hurt. And when you hurt someone, either their feelings or them physically or hurt their things, well, that's really hate. And that's what Amy was showing by her words and what she did to your room. What she called me? And the others? That's prejudice, and prejudice of any kind can lead to hate which leads to this sort of behavior." He took her chin gently in his hand and wiped the tears from her cheek with his thumb. "So please. Please, my tonkala. Don't hate."

She stared at him for several hiccupped sobs then threw her arms around his neck and hugged him fiercely. "I won't Uncle Johnny, I promise I won't. I don't want to hurt you!" Somehow, she knew that turning into someone like Amy would hurt her beloved uncle very much and there was no way she could do that to him.

"Johnny?"

He had felt his partner sit down next to him and felt the gentle hand that rested on his empty shoulder. Now he turned and looked into worried blue eyes. He sighed mightily, "Not . . . not today, Roy. Please?"

Blue eyes looked deep into brown and once more silent communication passed between the two. Roy nodded, satisfied that even though Johnny didn't want to talk about the upsetting turn of the day, they would be discussing it in the near future. Copying a gesture from their captain, Roy clapped his hands together and stood up. "Well! I could sure use some cake and ice cream! Who'd like to join me?"

Instantly the children all began to clamor excitedly and rushed toward Johnny, jumping around him. Johnny began perking up at their actions, the light coming back into his eyes. "Yes! Ice cream!" Jenny cried and smiled at Johnny. "And I want to see you open your presents!" She jumped from his arms and grabbed his hand, trying to pull him to his feet. The other kids joined her and soon he was standing among them, their happy faces looking up at him.

Johnny blushed at the thought that he had gifts. Roy watched him, "Waddya say partner? Ready for that cake and ice cream?"

He turned, a smile creeping across his lips as he looked around at his friends, seeing the caring on their faces. The sliding glass doors opened and Jo immerged onto the deck, a large cake in her hands covered in lit candles. As the familiar strains of a off key but enthusiastic version of 'Happy Birthday' echoed across the yard, Johnny felt the cruel words spoken earlier slip from his mind.

As the Kent family was loaded into the cab, Hank leaned into the driver's window and handed the driver several bills. "Get them home. The address is . . ." he looked pointedly at Marc who mumbled, "15936 Western Tiered Blvd." Hank nodded and added, "We'll see that your car gets home for you." With that the doors were closed and the cab headed off. Hank, Mike and Chet headed back to the party and arrived in time to hear Johnny's explanation to Jenny. Marco cocked an eyebrow at Chet who had the good graces to color slightly, knowing he was sometimes guilty of carrying his jokes on Johnny a little too far. Right then, he made a promise to remember those words.

In the front seat of the cab, Marc stared blankly out the passenger window, his blurry mind in shock over the way Roy had spoken to him. Tammy leaned against the backseat window, moaning softly about never being able to show her face again in public. Beside her, Amy was still scowling, her arms crossed as she kicked the seat. "Why did you let them do that to us, Daddy? Why didn't you do something? They can't treat us like that, we're better than them foreigners. They can't just kick us out of their party like that! Why, we should . . ."

"SHUT UP!" Terry had had enough. Amy looked at her brother in shock. The normally quiet and obedient boy had taken all he could and now exploded. "Just shut up you stupid selfish pig! I was having fun! I had friends there, real friends! And like always you had to ruin it! Well I'm sick of it. And I'm sick of you! You only think about what you want. Well I wanted to stay and I wanted cake and I wanted to play more with Johnny! I hate you!" He turned from his open mouthed sister and curled as tightly against the door as he could, soft sobs shaking his body.

Amy blinked at him for a moment longer then her brows came down again. "Daddy!" She whined. "Terry's being . .."

"Amaryllis Rose Kent, if you don't shut that poisonous mouth of yours I swear I'll lock you in your bedroom into you're old enough for college." Marc growled out without turning around. Amy froze. Her father had never talked like that to her before. She turned toward her mother, intending to whine to her to get what she wanted. But the sight of the white face and blank eyes frightened her even more than her father's growling. She settled back into her seat, confused and more than a little scared at how fast her world had been upset.


	46. Chapter 46

A thousand apologies. I had planned on there being one chapter left, had it all laid out and the bones built then started building the scenes that would flesh it out. Annnddd realized it was HUGE! So, I've had to break it down. The good news is (for I guess some of you) there are THREE more chapters. And the better news is they are mostly done, with just going back over to check continuity, spelling etc. Sooooo, over the next week I will put them up. The bad news is (for some of you) you'll have to read ANOTHER 100 pages to finally get to the end. As usual, thanks for the continued support. I can just about guarantee none of my future stories will ever be this big! All the legal stuff applies . . . as always, enjoy!

Chapter 46

"Johnny .. ."

"That was a great party, Roy. And I can't believe Chet. Man! He just never learns, does he. I mean …." Johnny chatted inanely as if the sound of Roy's voice had activated his mouth. Roy sighed as he sat relaxing in the lawn chair next to his partner. He could see the half empty bottle of cream soda carefully balanced on Johnny's knee and the dark head angled upward, dark eyes staring off into the evening sky.

"Johnny, . . ." Roy started again, his tone serious.

"And my aunt coming by, even if for only a few moments. That was great. Man, I can't believe it's been nearly two years since I've seen her. And all that incredible food . . ." Johnny absently patted his middle. "I don't think I'll eat again for at least a week."

"That'll never happen." Roy stated with a chuckle. He saw a flash of white teeth as the younger man gave a quick grin. "Yeah. I know." Roy took a deep breath and began again, "Johnny, about what hap . . ."

"And all those gifts! Did you tell everyone to bring gifts? You didn't need to. Man, the party was enough. Did I thank you for that yet? Thanks again partner, it was great."

Roy smiled at his delaying tactics but had to ask, "Were you surprised?"

Johnny nodded, his mouth full of cream soda. He swallowed and replied, "Oh yeah. You guys got me good. Telling me Jo needed me to move some furniture."

Roy chuckled again, "Well she did. You helped me move the picnic table and the chairs." He patted the armrest of the chair he slouched in.

Johnny lifted the now nearly empty bottle in acknowledgement.

Silence. Then . . .

"Johnny,"

"Roy, please don't." Johnny's voice was soft with an edge of pain in it.

Roy placed a hand on his partner's shoulder. "Johnny, I'm sorry. I'm sorry he ruined your party. I told him I'd help him practice for his practicals but I never told him to come this weekend."

Johnny's face was now tilted downward and Roy could barely see him in the weak moonlight. "It wasn't your fault, Roy." His voice was low. "And you have nothing to be sorry for."

"Yes. Yes I do. See Johnny, I. . .uh . . . I feel responsible for what happened. No now, please hear me out." He raised his hand to silence the protests he saw Johnny getting ready to voice. "I said some pretty nasty things to you and made some mean jokes about you when Marc was around. I guess he thought that meant I felt the same way as he did. I can't tell you how bad I feel about that now. To think that hateful family attacked you here, in this house, the very place I swore you'd always feel at home in. . . ." Roy felt his jaw tighten in anger as he recalled the insults perpetuated on his young partner earlier.

"Roy. It's ok. I understand." Johnny's voice was now closer to his normal timber but something about it still sounded off to Roy's experienced ear. Johnny took another swig of soda before he went on. "It really was a great party and I do really want to thank you, Jo and the kids for all you did. You didn't need to make such a fuss over me but the get-together was incredible."

That 'Johnny Alert' in the back of Roy's head started tingling. He found himself sitting up a little straighter, straining his eyes to get a good look at his friend's face. "Yes, we did need to make a fuss. Johnny, it was . . . is . . . your birthday celebration. And there was a time not too long ago we were all afraid you wouldn't ever celebrate another one again." Johnny kept his face in profile, refusing to look at his partner. Roy took a breath and went right at the specter looming between them. "Johnny, they are not welcome here. Never again. The Kents wore thin their welcome in this house the day you came home from the hospital after your first infection started. Now they will never be allowed back."

He saw Johnny start slightly and give him a quick puzzled glance. Roy nodded. "Yes. Tammy let herself into the house, intending apparently to enticing Jo on an evening out. Jo tried to tell her she wasn't interested, that she was caring for a sick friend. Then I guess Jo heard you and when she went to help you, Tammy followed and saw you and realized _**you**_ were the sick friend Jo meant. She then tried to convince Jo to send you back to the hospital, using some of those same . . ." Roy made a face as he censored his mouth. "comments that Amy spouted." Now he chuckled, "And Jo let her have it. I'd come home and overheard Jo and as soon as she was done, I kicked Tammy out right then and there."

Johnny nodded slowly, vaguely recalling seeing Tammy's face, ugly from being scrunched up with obvious hate, glaring at him before he was pulled back under by the fever. "Well. I know you've been helping Marc with his recertifications. If . . . maybe . . ." He paused, sighing softly before he ended with, "I guess I should just call or something before I come over."

Roy sighed, rolling his eyes in exasperation as his head went back against the chair, "What is it gonna _**take**_ to get this _**through**_ to you!" He leaned forward and grasped the arm to Johnny's chair, shaking it slightly as he added. "John, I don't _**want**_ him here. And Jo doesn't want _**her**_ here. And now, I seriously doubt Jenny wants Amy within ten feet of this house."

That only made Johnny think about the damage done to the little girl's room and how he'd held her as she clutching tightly to her uncle while crying over her destroyed treasures. "I'm sooo sorry for that." His voice reflected exactly how sorry he was. "Maybe . . . I think I can sand the gouges outta the dresser. Then restain it. And the bookshelf too. And I think I know a place that can replace the mirror. . . I don't know about the porcelain dolls and the figurines though, I guess I can . . ."

"John! Stop!" Roy's curt voice made Johnny jump and in surprise he looked over at his partner. Roy was shaking his head, his gaze locked on Johnny, his face stern. "_**You**_ will do nothing. It wasn't your fault and it isn't your responsibility to fix it. Are we clear?"

Johnny blinked owl-like then gave a faint nod. "Good." Roy settled back. "now, again. I'm sorry you had to have that happen on the day we were celebrating your birthday, of all days. If this is anyone's fault, it's mine. I should have told him to leave when he first came up to me and I realized no one had invited them." He shook his head again. "The things he said. . ."

Johnny drank the last of his soda and let the bottle dangle from his fingers. "It was nothing. I've heard worse." He gave a careless shrug.

Roy sat up again, his eyes wide as he stared at Johnny. Johnny looked over and saw the genuine look of horror on his partner's face. It made him suddenly self-conscious and he fidgeted.

"You're serious." Roy's voice sounded as shocked as his face looked. Johnny shifted uncomfortably and gave a hesitant nod. Roy groaned as he watched his friend. "Johnny, you have no idea how bad that hurts me."

"I'm sorry, Roy." Johnny's soft voice was contrite. Roy shook his head. "Don't be sorry, Johnny. I told you before, you've got nothing to be sorry for. It's not your fault that some people are so . . .so . . . narrow-minded that . . . that . . ."

Johnny watched his partner blow out his breath as he stumbled through his words. Roy sank weakly back into his chair. "I don't think I ever fully understood before just how much words can wound." He muttered, then gave a faint snort, "like a knife." He was remembering the horrible slashes the dream Brice had showed him he'd caused on Johnny from his comments.

Although Johnny didn't know exactly what Roy was thinking, the connection they shared let him know the direction he was thinking. "I knew you didn't mean it."

Now Roy sat up again and pinned Johnny with his stare. "Don't lie John. I know it hurt you and I know you couldn't help but think I meant each and every word. Even now I know there's a part of you that wonders if I really meant them and am just regretting speaking them outloud." Johnny ducked his head, trying to hide his face from his partner but again, the connection silently spoke. Roy knew what he surmised was true. He sighed heavily. "God, Johnny, I wish I had never said any of it. I wish I could totally wipe that away, so you'd never have any doubt about how I really feel about you. I wish I could go back and undo everything you went through because of my stupidity." He watched as his young partner slowly nodded his head, acknowledging that he'd heard and understood Roy's heartfelt plea. But Roy also knew that because of what had happened, what he'd done, the relationship between them had changed. It didn't mean that they weren't still friends and partners or that from here the relationship might actually become stronger. It just meant there had been irrevocable change caused by his actions. Roy took a deep breath and continued, "And I wish you didn't have to go through what you did here and in the past." He shook his head, "And this wasn't the worst?"

Johnny gave a rueful chuckle, "Trust me."

Roy caught the dark eyes with his and tried his best to convey to his partner what he couldn't get into words. "I'm sorry. I pray you never have to hear anything like that again."

This time Johnny held his gaze for a long time, then a slow, genuine smile curved his lips. "Thank you." He said softly.

Roy nodded and both men settled back into their chairs, staring up at what stars could peek through the smoggy sky. Silence reigned and just as Roy was going to suggest they go inside, Johnny deliberately whined, "Can't I at least replace her horses?"

Inside, Jo sat heavily in a chair, limp relief a sharp contrast to the former tautness of her body. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and stifled back a sobbing breath. She had overheard many interesting things from her husband's and Johnny's late night deck conversations but that was by far the most gut-wrenching. Silently she echoed Roy's spoken prayer/wish that Johnny wouldn't ever hear those kind of hurting words again but realistically knew the odds. "If that must be then Lord? May we or others like us be there to show him the falsehood of those words." She prayed. With firm resolve, she got up and poured three cups of coffee, placed them on the table, pulled out some of the desserts and added plates before going back to the door.

She had her hand on the handle to pull it open when she heard Johnny's last comment and Roy's exasperated, "Johnny!" Laughing, she opened the door. Both men looked over at her, blinking at the light coming from the kitchen. She smiled, "I've got fresh coffee waiting in here." She enticed.

Johnny visibly perked up, "Coffee? I could use coffee."

"And maybe another piece of cake?" Jo teased. Johnny' face lit up in a grin. Roy chuckled as he and Johnny got to their feet and walked by Jo. The couple's eyes met, then went to where Johnny was happily filling a plate with desserts as if he hadn't just eaten a few hours ago. "Happy Birthday Johnny." Jo said.

"Yeah, partner, Happy Birthday. And many happy returns."

Johnny looked up at them and smiled. He nodded, his eyes bright with happiness, "It was happy. Thank you."

With that the three sat down to coffee, treats and more companionable discussion.

Monday morning found the A shift crew trickling into the locker room to change. Roy greeted his partner with a smile as Johnny burst through the door with his usual enthusiastic greeting.

"Hey Gage. I looked up that bible verse you quoted and it still didn't make sense. I think you got it wrong." Chet scoffed. Marco caught Johnny's eyes and rolled his own. "Why don't you discuss it with Father Ben next time you see him?" the lineman suggested.

Chet looked at him first than defiantly at Johnny who was seated on the bench putting on his shoes. "Don't think I won't. And then Gage, I'll come back and correct you."

Johnny snorted softly, "Sure Chester B. You do that."

A soft chuckle came from where Mike was fastening his badge and Chet faltered in his smile, suddenly not quite so confident that he had caught his favorite target in a faux pas and not the other way around. To ease his distress over that, he moved on to other teasing. "So, Gage, what's a tanglelidalia?

This seemingly out of context question got everyone's attention, including the intended. Johnny raised his head, his face one of pure puzzlement. "Huh?"

Chet put on a condescending face, "I'm trying to use small words here Gage, the least you can do is pay attention."

That got a few muffled snickers and a scowl from Johnny. "I am. What you said made no sense." He looked toward his shiftmates, his hand raised in silent plea. "Right? Am I right? Did it make any sense to you?" Marco pretended to be busy in his locker but Mike and Roy dutifully shook their heads.

Chet sighed and began to speak patiently, "I asked you what a tangledailia was."

Johnny blinked then made a face. "Tangledailia. I don't . . . Chet I don't even think that's a word! How would I know what that is?"

Chet looked smugly at the frowning medic. "Well you should. It was on one of your presents." He pulled a brightly colored tag out of his pocket and read in a falsetto voice, "To My Tangledaila, All my love forever." He rolled his eyes as he smirked. "wow, Gage, some chick's so hung on you she uses baby-talk names."

The reaction Chet got was not what he—or anyone else—was expecting. Johnny's face went white, his mouth fell open and his eyes widened. Then he shot to his feet and snatched the tag from Chet's startled grasp all the time screaming in a high loud voice, "Where'd you get . . . How'dya find out . . . Who sent that?"

Now it was Chet's turn to color as he pulled back from the taller man. Johnny used his height to tower over Chet, his face now set in angry lines, his eyes flashing a fire Chet had rarely seen in the young paramedic. "I …I…I . .. " The Irishman stuttered as he took two steps away. In delayed reaction, Roy leapt to his partner's side as Marco stepped closer to Chet. Mike had shut his locker door and stood ready to help in any way needed.

"I asked you where you got this!" Johnny's dropped into a low growl through clenched teeth as he shook his fist, still clutching the tag, in Chet's face.

Now Chet began to get angry, "For Christ's sake Gage, chill out! I found it at Roy's house while sweeping their floor." He turned away, making sure he was closer to Marco then the still heavily breathing, red faced paramedic. "Geez! Don't take it out on me because some chick thinks . . ."

"That's not what this is!" Johnny's shrill protest cut him off and for the first time all of them realized Johnny was genuinely upset and not just reacting to Chet's teasing. Roy placed a calming hand on his partner's shoulder and could feel both his rapid breaths and his trembling. "Johnny . . ." He began, but Johnny shrugged off his hand. He turned to his partner and Roy blinked at the anguish he could see in his friend's dark eyes. It made him pause. "No Roy, you don't understand! None of you understand!" Johnny waved his hand around as the words burst from him.

"So tell me." Roy kept his voice calm as he maintained eye contact.

Chet took advantage of the distraction to shut his locker and move away from the two. But he couldn't resist one last jab. "Geez, Roy. Call Rampart and get your partner some valium, man. Wiggin' out that way over some dumb made up name . . ." With a martyred sigh, Marco grabbed the Irishman's arm and pulled him out of the locker area, but not before he sent Roy a supporting look and received a faint nod. "C'mon Chet, you've caused enough chaos for this early. I need coffee." His worried gaze landed again on Johnny before the door shut.

Johnny had sunk to the bench. The energy that had made him seem so tight he would explode just a second before drained rapidly from him, leaving him limp. He stared at the tag in his hand as if it held the answers to the universe. Mike, too, moved forward, his gaze catching Roy's as he quietly said, "I'll tell Cap you might be a little late." He dropped a hand on Johnny's slumped shoulder and gave him a faint pat but Johnny didn't seem to notice. Then he, too, left.

Roy looked back down at his friend and worried his lip. "Johnny?"

"Where did it come from? Where? How did . . . how could anyone know?" Johnny's voice was soft now, and plaintive.

"Johnny, we'll find out. Jo kept a list of all the presents you were given and who gave them." He assured his friend. To this Johnny looked up. "She did?"

Roy nodded and grinned, "She, uhh, thought you might like to thank the people later and was sure you wouldn't remember who gave you what."

Johnny nodded at that, remembering how all the kids had delightedly—and with much enthusiasm— "helped" him open his pile of gifts. There had been boxes, bows and papers everywhere in just a few short minutes. "oh. Good." He faintly acknowledged as his head bobbed, his gaze again on the tag. Now he frowned, "But . . . but didn't all the gifts have a tag? I don't remember."

Now Roy's face darkened, "No. From the cheese puff handprints on the white linens and the disarray of the stack, we have a strong guess as to why."

Johnny's face paled, "You don't think she took any of them, do you?"

Roy smiled as he reassured his friend, "If she did, they didn't leave the house. Cap made sure that only what came with them left with them."

Now Johnny gave a faint smirk, "Except my gift from them."

Roy chuckled as he remembered the puzzled look on his friend's face when he opened the youth's sized t-shirt with the spray painted picture of a realistic looking rescue squad complete with flashing lights and the words underneath, "My Daddy is a Paramedic!" It hadn't taken long to figure that one out.

"Yeah, except that. Jo said that tag said, 'To the son of my partner.' He didn't get any of it right, did he." Roy shook his head in disgust at that thought. Johnny snorted once but then his gaze went back to his hand. He turned the tag over… nothing on the back. He read it again. The words hadn't changed. 'To Tanagila. All my Love Forever.' The words were well spaced with a slight flourish but not really feminine or masculine. No real clue there.

Roy watched his friend closely. It was obvious that whatever message this tag had for his young partner, he had understood at least part of it… and he was very bothered by it. "I . . I don't understand . . ." Johnny was now faintly muttering, a wounded look on his face.

"Johnny?" He motioned toward the tag Johnny was once more staring at. "What don't you understand? What does it mean?"

Johnny remained silent as he shook his head. Roy sighed. "Well whatever it is, it sure has you upset." Roy offered, hoping to start his partner talking in a way he could understand, and perhaps, help him. Johnny nodded. "Yeah, I . . . I never thought I'd hear this . . ." He stopped as he sighed heavily, dropped his hands limply into his lap and stared off into his locker.

"Wanna tell me about it?" Roy had sat beside his partner, his voice soft. He saw Johnny staring into his still open locker and followed his line of sight. He swallowed heavily as he realized what Johnny had focused on.

Johnny had heard his friend's words even as his attention was caught by the little decoupaged sign hanging in his locker. Jenny had made it for him the previous Christmas. It read, "Love is giving someone the power to break your heart and then trusting them not to." Johnny couldn't help but think about all that had happened in the last few months. He had trusted Roy, and Roy had broken his heart. Could he—should he trust him again?

Roy's gaze went from the sign to his friend's face, correctly reading the emotions in the dark eyes. His own face shifted from white to red to white as he realized what his past action might now mean. "Johnny, you don't have to tell me anything." His voice was low as he moved to stand.

"It's Dakhota. It's Hummingbird." Johnny's voice was so soft Roy nearly missed it. He settled back down, his heart soaring with the trust he knew his friend was extending.

"Hummingbird? You mean it's what you would call a hummingbird in Dahkota?"

Johnny nodded, "It was my family name. Unci . . . that's grandmother. . . she gave it to me about the time I started walking. She. . . she told me that the way I raced around and the way I ate so much reminded her of the hummingbirds."

Roy nodded. "I can understand that. It makes sense. So was it your Tribal name?" He dug deep in his mind for what he'd either read about or gleaned from the sporadic talks his friend had told about his upbringing.

Johnny shook his head. "No, that's something different. This is more . .. " He sighed heavily again, "Think of it best as an . . an endearment, a family nickname."

"Ok." Roy thought he understood. "A little more personal than just a generic sweetheart or darling. Something like when you call Jenny 'Kiddle""

Johnny nodded, then faced Roy. "But Roy. It was only immediate family that ever called me that. And . . and they're all dead. Oh, I guess maybe a cousin or so might have heard my mom or someone say it but I have no contact with any of them." He gave a snort, his face twisted and his voice heavy with sarcasm, "And I seriously doubt any of them know or would even care to know where I am or even if I'm still alive." That little tidbit of his partner's past sent another shaft of compassion straight through Roy.

Johnny shook his head again as he stared at the tag. "I don't think my aunt even knows it. I know I never told her and she only came to visit us maybe twice when my mom and dad were still alive."

"Could your grandparents have told her?" Roy asked wondering again about this aunt who Johnny had credited with 'saving' him. It wasn't the first time he wondered over what his partner's life had been like between the time his grandfather had died and his aunt took him to live with her. The dreams he'd witnessed during Johnny's recent illness had stirred back up these thoughts. Just how well had Johnny known this aunt before living with her? His admission that she'd only visited a few times before he was orphaned belied any thought of a familiar relationship between them before she took custody.

Johnny shook his head, "I doubt it. I don't think they had much contact with her. I mean, she's part of my Mom's family and they . . . well…" He sighed again and made a face. "That's another story. Like I said, it was a family endearment. I haven't heard it for years." Suddenly he went still as he frowned, "At least . .. Ohhh . . ." Now his eyes widened and the color he'd gained back faded.

Roy moved closer to him. "What. Johnny what? What is it?"

Johnny turned to blink at Roy. "When . . . when I was in the hospital, I woke up once when someone was in my room." He ducked his head as a faint blush colored his cheeks. "I . . .I thought I felt someone kiss me and . . . and call me 'Tanagila'." (Roy noticed Johnny pronounced the word very differently from the way Chet had mangled it.) "When I forced open my eyes, there was someone staring down at me. I couldn't see that well; my vision was sometimes really fuzzy after getting my pain meds." He looked at Roy who was watching him closely. "I put it down to a reaction from the fever or pain meds." He smirked, "I was having some pretty intense dreams off and on."

Roy gave a serious nod. "Yeah. I know." He leaned forward. "Did you ask about it?"

Johnny nodded, "Yeah. I guess I fell back asleep almost immediately. Next time I woke, Gretchen was doing a vitals check. I asked her if anyone had been in my room but she said she'd been the only one in with me."

Roy frowned, "She was sure? I mean I know that usually student nurses and aids will pop in and out of rooms to change linens, fill water pitchers and things."

To his consternation, Johnny's gaze focused hard on him before dropping to his hand. "I'm sure. That . . . uhhh that was the first day after you and I uhhhh." He sighed, "And well? Since I'd kinda had a bad night, Gretchen did everything for me that shift. No one else was allowed to come in. That's what she told me when I asked."

Roy nodded silently as he remembered how after Johnny had ordered him to leave, the next shift the floor nurse hadn't bothered to read his chart so Johnny had spent the next two shifts with no water, no food and in a painful position because he couldn't shift himself in bed.

Roy tried a smile, "Well, it looks like we have a mystery."

Johnny flashed a quick grin himself, his gaze again on the tag. "Yeah. I guess." Roy clasped a hand again on his shoulder. "I hear the squad returning. We'd better get out there." Johnny nodded. Then he stood and pulled his wallet from his back pocket. He opened it and carefully tucked the tag into it. Roy nodded to him, "You uhhh, collect yourself and finish getting ready and I'll . .. I'll . ." he motioned toward the door.

Johnny nodded as Roy stepped to the door. "Johnny?" Johnny's head rose and brown eyes met blue. "About the guys . . .?"

Johnny sighed, knowing that his little reaction would make his shiftmates concerned. "Go ahead and tell them. Otherwise Chet will make us all miserable all shift."

Roy nodded, knowing that was true. The door burst open and C shift's paramedics came through. "Hey. Kelly said you guys were in here. Squad's fine; we restocked last night and our last two calls were minor—didn't even need transporting." Matt Hollister said with a grin. Dwyer stopped in front of Johnny, a puzzled look on his face. Johnny looked up with a puzzled look of his own. "Tom?"

"You ok Johnny?"

Johnny blinked, "yyeeeaaaahhhh. Why?"

Dwyer shrugged as he began unbuttoning his shirt. "Nothing I guess."

Matt snorted, "Kelly's got him worried. He's in there ranting to the crew about Roy needing to strap you down because you totally lost it over some baby-talking chick."

Johnny's mouth set into a firm line as his gaze met Roy's. Roy rolled his eyes and acknowledged his partner's silent plea even as he slipped out the door. As he left the room, Johnny was thanking Matt and Dwyer for coming to his party.

He entered the kitchen to find the other four members of A shift seated at the table. He noticed the engine was missing when he went through the bay and asked Cap, "Hard call?"

"Structure fire down by the warehouse district. They were third alarm so are on clean up." Cap answered. Then he frowned, "Uh Roy? Is John uh, is he . . ?"

Roy smiled reassuringly at his captain as he took two cups and poured coffee into them. "He's fine."

"He's crazy! That's what he is!" Chet burst out. "That partner of yours is certifiably crazy! I mean really, getting all worked up like that over some stupid chick's trick. I mean . . "

"Kelly!" Cap growled while both Marco and Mike covered their faces with their hands and groaned. Chet looked up at his Captain, his face frowning, "What Cap? I didn't do anything! All I did was . . ."

"All you did was find something you thought you could tease Johnny about, then got all bent out of shape because instead of protesting and blustering like Johnny usually does, so you can tease him more, it really offended him." Mike burst out. All eyes turned on him as he glared at the lineman. At first Chet bristled then he slumped down in his seat. "he _**was**_ really upset wasn't he." He made that a statement and saw everyone nod. Cap, who hadn't been in the room but had heard the account from all his men now asked, "Roy? Did he talk to you?"

Roy nodded as he sipped his coffee. "He did and he wanted me to tell you."

Chet leaned forward his mustache twitching, "so? It was some chick, right? A past dumper who's come back to haunt him?"

"Chet, for once, just shut up!" Surprisingly, that outburst came from Marco and Chet sat back, blinking in surprise at the harsh tone from his easygoing compadré.

Roy ignored him, "First off, the word Tanagila ( he thought his pronunciation was close to what Johnny had used) is not a made up word, it's Dahkota. Johnny said it was the family nickname given him by his grandmother; something just for him and more personal than just honey or sweetheart." He took another drink then added, "He said that as far as he knows everyone who called him that name is dead. That's why seeing that tag was such a shock to him. He hasn't been called that for years."

Each man paused as he thought of similar nicknames in their own families, some by relatives now gone. "No wonder he reacted like he did." Chet mused as he thought of his favorite aunt's habit of calling him "buairt" –Irish for trouble. He knew he'd be just as upset to find a gift with that written on it, even though _**he**_ still had living relatives who knew she'd used it.

"So, who wrote the tag? What was it on?" Mike asked.

Roy shrugged, "That's part of the mystery. Some of the gifts didn't have tags because of Amy. I'm gonna call Jo and let her know and she'll look around, make sure we didn't miss anything, try to match the tag up with whatever gift it was on."

"Part of the mystery?" Marco picked up on that comment. Roy nodded as he swallowed more coffee. Just then Johnny came to the door and paused. He raised a hand and gave a slight wave, a weak grin on his face. "Hi guys. Sorry I'm late for roll call, Cap." His voice was not his usual boisterous greeting.

Cap rose and clapped him on the shoulder while Mike stood and pulled out the chair between himself and Roy. "Not a problem John. I decided to hold it right here since the engine isn't back yet."

Johnny sat in the offered chair flashing a quick grin of thanks to Mike who resettled next to him. Roy shoved the other coffee cup into his partner's hand. Johnny had just wrapped his hand around it when Cap's words registered. "Engine's not here?" He strained his head around as if to see into the bay.

Cap repeated what he'd told the others then added, "Roy told us about the tag,"

Johnny nodded as he sipped the warm brew. He ducked his head, his eyes on the cup as he confessed, "Sorry . . . about earlier. I . . . I guess I sorta over-reacted. It . . . it was just ummm."

"We got it, Johnny."

"No need to apologize."

"It was nothing." Three voice echoed as one. Johnny flashed a smile but kept his eyes on the coffee cup braced by his hands.

"Roy. You said the tag was part of the mystery." Mike returned to the subject they had been discussing. "What's the other part?"

Roy looked at his partner and Johnny raised his head so that brown eyes met blue. "You told them . . .?" Roy nodded. Johnny sighed. "Yeah. Well, the second part is ummm…" He took another drink then slowly explained what he'd remembered and had related earlier to Roy. Once he was done, there was silence.

"wow." Chet finally said. "That _**is**_ strange."

"So there's no one you can think of who might have visited you that knows this name?" Cap asked. Johnny shook his head.

"What about your aunt?" Mike asked. Johnny shrugged. "I never told it to her; she only came and visited us a few times when my folks were still alive." He gave a one shoulder shrug. "Besides, if it was her, why didn't she stay till I was awake? Or contact you guys or Jo or one of the docs to see how I was doing? Someone would've known she was here."

Four heads nodded in agreement. "It does sound strange." Cap admitted. Johnny sighed and drained his cup. "I'm gonna go check the squad." He mumbled as he stood. He rinsed his cup and left, his shoulders slumped and his movements subdued. Cap straightened. "John has the right idea. Roy, you have kitchen duty and you can tell John I assigned him to the dorm." He looked at the rest of his crew and soon each man was standing and moving.

Roy cleaned his cup then hesitated, "Cap? I think I'll . . ." he pointed toward the phone and got a firm nod.

Johnny had just replaced the batteries in the necessary gear and was shoving it back into the squad when Roy joined him. Johnny looked expectantly at him. "I called Jo." Roy told him.

"And?" That came from Chet who popped out from the back of the engine. Johnny looked at him with momentary disgust then he turned back to his partner. "She found two more gifts, small ones. They'd fallen back behind the table. One didn't have a tag."

"Did she open it?" Johnny asked. Roy smiled. "I told her to. I don't know whether she did or not. I told her you would want her too."

Johnny grinned. "I'll tell her." He replaced the last box and strode into the kitchen, not at all surprised to sense his shiftmates following him. He took the change Roy handed him with a flash of teeth and dialed the well known number and waited until there was an answer. "Hey Jo. It's me."

"Yeah. Roy told you?"

"So what does it look like?" He paused, obviously listening.

"Uh huh. Well, open it. Of course I'm sure."

Silence. Then, he sighed. "I see. Yeah. Me too. Thanks." He slowly hung up the phone and stood quietly, his eyes focused on the tops of his shoes. Finally Chet couldn't contain himself anymore and burst out with, "Geez Gage! What was it?"

Johnny startled and looked up. "Oh. It was a window ornament. Made out of glass. No other markings or anything in or on the box. It . . uhh, it was broken." The men clapped hands on Johnny's shoulders as they walked out of the room with various comments of "sorry Gage" and "That's too bad.". Roy stayed, his gaze firmly on his partner. "Johnny?"

Johnny raised his head and looked at his partner. "It was a hummingbird, Roy." Was all he said, his eyes sad.

Roy sighed. "Well. What now?"

Johnny shrugged. "I have no idea, Roy. I have no idea." The sounds of the tones broke through the mood and both men raced off to do their job, the mystery pushed aside for the time being. The remainder of the shift was typical; the squad had twice as many runs as the engine and by the time lights out was called, six weary firefighters gratefully fell into their bunks. Life was clearly back to normal at station 51.

Kent leaned against the wall, his face a picture of boredom belying the racing of his mind. From under hooded eyes he looked up and down the mingling mass of men –and a few women—(he snorted at that, women who thought they could handle the tough job of being paramedics. He knew they'd take one look at their first fire or smashed up body and run crying back home where they belonged) '_**Yes, yes, no, no, no**_ (snort) _**definitely not! Yes… umm maybe. No, no, no.**_' he silently rated his fellow testers on which ones would pass the practical exam and would now be certified paramedics and which would be rightfully dumped back on the trucks or—in the case of the women—sent back to man desks in HQ..

He stifled a yawn. He wasn't worried; he knew he'd aced the written tests Brackett had devised for him and he'd done the same on these practicals. A faint sneer turned up his lip as he remembered the stunned look in the eyes of several of his proctors over his solutions. He'd seen them huddle together after he left. He snickered as he was sure they were awed at his brilliancy. Now all he was waiting for was the official release.

His belly rumbled hungrily, '_**Wonder what Tammy has planned for dinner. Maybe we'll go out to celebrate.**_' This idle thought came and he froze as reality blasted that pleasant thought away. He knew chances were that when he got home he'd find his wife still lying in her bed. Just like she had been ever since that . . . He clenched his teeth as his mind went back to the night of that horrible party.

There had been no talking in the taxi after Terry's initial outburst, just Terry's sniffles, Amy's foot thudding continuously on the seat-edge and Tammy's low moaning. As soon as the driver had stopped, Terry had thrown open the door and raced into the house. The boy had headed straight for his room and had only emerged from it over the subsequent two weeks to use the restroom and go to school. Amy had followed her brother into the house slowly and she, too, had become a nearly silent shadow— just following her father around whenever he was home. Kent had had to practically carry Tammy into the house. He'd undressed her and slid her into bed and other then restroom trips herself, there she had stayed. He forced her to eat when he was home and made sure she changed her sleepwear at least every other day. But her faint constant murmurs and blank stare unsettled him as well as it seemed the children and he spent most of his time at home shut up in his den.

'_**Good thing Mrs. Wilson from the church's ill and shut-ins committee bought my line about Tammy having pneumonia. And that they took my word that the doctor said she not have any visitors in order to keep her from being exposed to anything else while she recovers. It's kept noisy busybodies away and food on the table**_.' He smirked. Some of the meals had been very good. Every Monday and Thursday two women came to take away the empty dishes, fill the fridge with new delights and do light housecleaning and laundry. Other than the lump that was now his wife, life was pretty good. The kids never bugged him, he'd soon be assigned to a squad and then he'd show them all. His face took on a bitter look as his thoughts turned to the redskin prairie trash that had ruined everything. He'd show the department, Brackett and DeSoto how wrong they were to side with that skinny ass savage.

A stirring and more pronounced mutterings from the others waiting pulled Marc's attention back to his surroundings. He straightened from the wall and looked down the corridor. Brackett was standing there, talking with Battalion chiefs Hauts and Sorenson, some other guy in a suit, the EMT State boards examiner and the three paramedics who had been in charge of this class. They had their heads close enough together that only a word or two escaped but their facial expression and body language showed something big was up. Then Brackett sighed as his mouth twitched, "Well I don't like it either but we really don't have a choice. You gentlemen do what you need, I have a ER to prep."

As if signaled by his words, the PA system blared out, "Dr. Tangerine to ER STAT. Dr. Tangerine to ER STAT." Several of the re-certing paramedics froze at that. One turned to the others, his face white, "Dr. Tangerine? Isn't that the code for the hospital's disaster response team?"

"Yep." His frowning companion nodded. "Only for a big one too." The suit had now left and the three paramedics and the fire department officials called out to the waiting examinees. "May I have your attention please." Instantly everyone was quiet, their eyes on the official group. Chief Sorenson nodded, "If you would all please come back into the lecture hall, we'll explain."

Everyone filed back in and took a seat. Talk was subdued as most still had their attention on that huddled group. Papers were shared back and forth as the three instructors nodded. Then one looked up, "Ok, if I call your name go to that door with Chandler there." He proceeded to call off several names and the owners silently stood and walked to the waiting paramedic. Kent noticed most of them were first time testers. He turned his attention back front as the last of them joined the small group. "The next list meet Vander over by that door." He motioned to the opposite door and Kent noticed that the other group had already left. Soon that short list was finished and the eight people called, including three of the women, joined Vander by the door. They, too, left.

The room was eerily quiet as the remaining looked around. Most of the re-certing paramedics were in the group left, Kent noticed with a smirk. _**'Those of us that passed.'**_ He mused.

As if his thoughts were heard one of the older men spoke up, "What's going on, Jimmie? We know what that code means."

Jimmie held up his hand to hold off any other questions. "First, how many of you have your turnout gear here with you?"

Several exchanged glances and raised their hands, Kent was one, knowing his gear was in the trunk of his car where he'd put it weeks ago. Jimmie nodded, "OK. In a moment you're gonna need to get it. Now, first, congratulations, you all passed." He waited a few moments but no one said anything. He nodded to himself. "Most of you know, as you said, what that code means. We've got a city/county wide alert in process. All stations are being toned out Code Orange right now." Now there was murmuring from the gathered paramedics. Even Kent what knew that meant –an accident and a big one, with possibly several hundred people involved.

"What are we looking at?" One finally asked.

Jimmie sighed and looked at the communiqué in his hand. "Seems a 76 car train derailed right in the middle of LA County. HQ says that it was a mix of passenger cars and freight. The haz-mat team is already headed in but as far as we know, the train wasn't carrying anything too lethal. However, several of the cars jumped the tracks and have hit industrial buildings as well as warehouses and some residentials so that could change on scene." His gaze traveled around to the faces around him, noting that they looked back at him with combinations of seriousness to anxiety and every emotion in-between. "There will be a department bus waiting to load you at the Harding street entrance. It will leave promptly on the quarter hour and if you miss it, you'll have to make your own way to Incident Command. Now, you're dismissed to get your gear, those of you who have it, and to make any quick phone calls you need. Good luck." With that most of the men stood up and began filing out the door.

As Kent hurried out he heard someone ask, "What about those of us who don't have our gear with us?"

"Your station will bring all off duty personal gear and take it to IC. You can . .." The instructor's voice died out as Kent headed out into the hall. He phoned the next-door neighbor who had been keeping an eye out for the kids until he got back and made arrangements. Then he went to his car and grabbed his gear. He reached the bus just as others were loading and threw his stuff onto the pile before climbing aboard.

"Wonderful way to get these new guy's feet wet ain't it?" he heard one recert say. He settled into his seat, leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes. Like all of the experienced ones, he knew that rest would be in short commodity once they reached the site and it was wise to get what you could while you could.

"I hope they left us something for lunch." Johnny muttered as he wearily climbed into his seat in the squad. He rubbed a dirty hand over his blurry eyes and blinked out the windshield.

"Maybe. Maybe we'd be better to get something ourselves." Roy answered, his own actions showing he was just as tired as his partner. Although it was only early afternoon, they'd already had four runs, including this last one—a four car crash in a busy intersection. Other paramedics had accompanied the injured to the hospital but Roy and Johnny had spent several hours taking apart cars and extricating victims. Fortunately no one was too badly hurt but several had been firmly trapped. Roy watched his partner rotate his left arm and remembered how Johnny had been slammed, off balance, into the side of one car when the jaws of life he'd been using had slipped. "You ok there?"

Johnny gave a tired nod but didn't answer.

Roy leaned back in his seat and stretched out his own aching body before he went back to the subject at hand. "Who was cooking?"

Johnny blinked as he tried to focus on what his partner asked, "Wha… oh. Uhh, I think it was Marco." He stretched out his lean body as much as he could in the closed cab and yawned widely. "I think I saw him cataloging stuff from the fridge on a pad." He spoke through the yawn.

Roy glanced at his partner in mild irritation as he now fought the urge to yawn, induced by Johnny's. "Well, if it was Marco, we've got a half and half." He straightened in his seat and turned over the engine. He could feel Johnny's gaze on him and knew his comment was bewildering the other man. _**'Wait for it…'**_ he mused, then,

"Half and half? Whatdya mean by that?"

He tossed a grin toward his partner, noting the puzzled expression on Johnny's face as he did. "We have half a chance they saved us some food,"

"Oh," Johnny blinked and sat back but the puzzled expression didn't leave his face. Roy hid a grin as he silently counted. Johnny's head tilted to one side and his lips moved as he puzzled that statement over, then his gaze went back to Roy and he sat up straighter. Just as he knew his partner was going to speak again Roy added, "And we have half a chance it was so good that they gobbled it all down and forgot about us."

Johnny's mouth closed with another "Oh," as he sank back into the backrest with a sigh. "Yeah. You're right there." He sighed again. "So now _**we**_ have another half and half."

Now it was Roy's turn to look confused. Johnny gave him a sad smile, "Do we risk that they left us something and head back? Or do we get something out here and risk missing something tasty and hot waiting for us?"

Roy gave a snort at his partner's logic. Just then Johnny's belly made loud protests over its emptiness and he smirked at the figure now slumped in the passenger seat. "From the sounds of that I think you could stand eating now AND eating any leftovers."

Johnny made a non-committal sound as Roy pulled into the nearest drive-in fastfood place. Before long, Johnny was slurping the last of his shake as Roy was finishing his burger. Roy shook his head as he looked at the rumpled wrappers in front of his partner that had once held a large double burger with everything but the kitchen sink on it, a large order of fries and a large soda. He'd had his own medium fries, large soda and double burger with pickles and ketsup and he was only just finishing the burger.

Johnny had finished the last dregs of his shake and was looking forlornly at the empty cup. Roy grinned to himself as he deadpanned, "You, uhhh, gonna just stare at that all day wishing it would refill or go get yourself another?"

Johnny looked up, "Huh? Oh. No." he sighed heavily. "I don't want another one. I just keep thinking about what Marco might have fixed."

Roy's chuckle was muffled as he popped the last of his burger into his mouth. He chewed, his face taking on a thoughtful look, "Well, if there are leftovers, you can always eat it as a snack later."

Johnny made a face as he slid the empty shake cup into the soda cup then began stuffing the empty soda cup with his wrappers. "Yeah. I guess."

Roy took a long drink and waved a few fries at his partner, "Don't forget, there's supper yet."

Johnny visibly brightened as he snagged a handful of Roy's fries, ignoring the frown the older paramedic gave him as he nodded happily."Yeah! That's right! I'm sure he'll fix something good for supper! His meals are always good." He stuffed the fries into his mouth and happily chewed. Roy moved his fries a little closer as he glared at his oblivious friend. Johnny stood up with his trash in his hands, "Uhhh, Roy? I'm gonna . . . uh dump this then go uhhh."

Roy smirked up at him as Johnny waved in the direction of the restrooms. He nodded, "Go on, you know what to do, you're a big boy now." He paused as he looked seriously at Johnny's widening eyes, "or do you need my help still?

Johnny's mouth dropped open then snapped shut as he made a face, "Ha,ha,ha. Very funny." He turned from his friend and headed toward the trash cans, muttering under his breath. Roy chuckled again and finished the rest of his meal. He dumped his trash and headed to the restroom just as Johnny came out. "Meet you in the squad?" Johnny merely nodded and headed out the door.


	47. Chapter 47

OK! Here we go! Enjoy and there is one more chapter after this and a epilog. Wow. Almost done. It's been quite a ride!

Brackett left the fire department chiefs to their jobs and headed down to the ER. There he found the usual organized panic. Dixie met him with several clipboards. "These need signed for supplies first off." She told him and he quickly scribbled his signature. She handed the boards to a waiting nurse who hurried off. "Who's on?" Brackett barked.

"You, Morton and Rodriquez. Joe's been called and Mike is coming in early." She checked her schedule again. "We also have three new interns who were due to start this week on their rotations who are coming in." She handed him the list and he made several checks. "Have these sent to the on-scene triage. We'll rotate out from there as we can."

She nodded and slid another stack of clipboards near him. "Fire Department is setting up our triage at Dominguez Park. That's about two miles from the middle of the scene."

He nodded, "Any further information?" She nodded and pointed to a sheet. He scanned it briefly, his mouth twitching. "Nearly a mile long huh. Bound to be casualties from both the train and the area." He sighed, "Ok. Looks like you've got everything readied." He paused to grin at her, "As usual."

Dixie gave him a smug face then a noise from the hallway caught her attention. Her eyes scanned the group and settled on one figure as the hairs rose on the back of her neck and she stifled a shudder. Silently she said a quick prayer for these firefighters—and the brethren she knew would soon be in the thick of everything. Especially two in particular.

As the newly certified paramedics from the testing area filed out toward the exits, Brackett looked up from where he was busy ordering supplies and making out the listing for his own triage team. He couldn't help but notice that as the blue clad figures marched through the ER Dixie stopped to watch them pass. Brackett also noticed the frown marring her face and came up to her smiling. "Relax Dix. I know you worry about your 'boys in blue' but they have to get their feet wet sometime." He watched a moment as the group silently passed. "Besides, they all passed their written and their skills tests; they're paramedics now."

Dix scowled at Brackett for several heartbeats. "I know that." She muttered. Then her gaze returned to the group and he noticed she watched one figure in particular. He walked slightly away from the others, the expression on his face one of boredom.

"Oh." Brackett murmured then sighed, "Dix, he deserves his chance again. He passed every test I and the fire department gave him.

"I know that too." She answered but her eyes never left the self-segregated figure. Brackett sighed and place a gentle hand on her shoulder, squeezing it. "Dix, practically all of LA county is responding to this. What do you suppose the odds are Kent'll even _**see**_ him, let alone be working with _**him**_,"

Now Dixie turned and faced the doctor, her delicate brows arched and her mouth turned into a smirk "Kel." She admonished softly. "This IS John Gage we're talking about." With that announcement she left to continue her duties for disaster preparation. In her wake she left Brackett with a stunned look on his face as a chill raced down his spine. He knew that whenever John Gage was added into any equation, odds went straight off the table. With a sigh he shook himself and muttered to whatever deity might be listening. "Please. For once. Let her be wrong?"

The day had been rough for Squad 51 so far but the break and burgers at the fast food joint had helped restore both their energy and their spirits. They had almost made it back to the station when they were called out again.

"Squad 51. Woman trapped. 2539 Apt D Applegate Lane. 2-5-3-9-Apt D as in Delta Applegate Lane. Cross street Milhouser. Time out 16:42."

Johnny sighed as he wrote down the address and acknowledged the call. "That's not too far from us right now. Turn left at this next cross street."

Roy nodded as he followed Johnny's directions. They soon pulled up to a fairly new apartment complex. "Wow." Johnny whispered as he scanned the sprawling architecture in front of them. It was built to resemble a large two story Spanish hacienda complete with large courtyard graced by fountains and gardens.

Roy glanced around him. "Yeah." He agreed as he pulled their gear. Johnny grabbed the biophone and the trauma box while still looking around. The place appeared deserted; no panicked person waved them down. The doorways were all recessed and surrounded by shrubbery. "There's no numbers showing or anything." He muttered, "How do we find the right one?"

"Start knocking on doors I guess." Roy answered as he grabbed up the drug box and IV kit and headed toward the nearest door. Johnny fell into his wake. Roy knocked on the door and it was immediately answered by a middle age woman dressed in a wraparound dress, high heels and made up as if for a night on the town. She grinned at them a little hungrily as her eyes thoroughly scanned the man in front of her. "Well…. Heeelllooo. You selling something, fireman?"

Roy blinked at her as she looked him up and down then she caught sight of Johnny shifting nervously behind him. Her grin changed into an outright leer as she licked her red painted lips. "On second thought whatever he's selling, I'll willingly buy—all of it."

Johnny blushed and stepped a little more behind Roy, his gaze dropping uneasily to his feet. Roy put on a smile and cleared his throat slightly and those glinting eyes came back to him. "Um Ma'am. We're looking for apartment D. We . . we got a call someone needs help there."

"Really." She purred as she continued to visually … assess them. Johnny shifted again feeling like he was being visually stripped. He tried to keep a professional face but could feel his ears burning. "So, to get you boys to come to _**my**_ place all I have to do is call? Hmmm, I could use a little . . . help . . . now and then." She leaned against the doorway and the side of the dress fell open, revealing a slender well shaped leg.

Roy swallowed hard. "ummm, listen Ma'am. We . . we just need to find Apartment D." He lifted the drug box still in his hand. "Someone may be hurt."

She sighed dramatically, "Oh, alright. I'm apartment F as in . . ." she took a deep breath, lifting her chest muscles—and thus her breasts— as her eyes scanned down Roy's body, "Oh sooo fine." She continued, "The apartment here .. ." she pointed to her left, as her eyes slid around Johnny's frame, "is G as in gorgeous." She drew the word out seductively. Now it was Johnny's turn to swallow hard. She caught his gaze and smiled at him, her eyebrows raising slightly. Johnny felt his cheeks burning and his gaze shifted nervously away. She chuckled deeply and turned her lingering gaze on Roy.

"oh." Roy struggled to find his voice, "So D should be over this way." He waved in the proper direction.

She smiled, "Very good! So, fireman, when you're done over there, wanna come back here? I've been having a little trouble with this heat . . . and I could use some 'help' . . ." Her eyes fastened on Johnny who started to back up, then turned and head over toward the right apartment. Roy followed him, his smile uneasy. "Ummm, no, we're . . we're on duty. Ummm. Thank you for your he. . . assistance."

"Any time, fireman. _A-n-y-time_." She cooed as she watched Johnny walk away. Johnny kept glancing self consciously back over his shoulder, wanting to move the boxes he carried so that they blocked her view of his backside but he suppressed the urge and just sped up his walk.

Soon they were at the entrance two apartments over. Johnny looked around as Roy stepped up to the door. "It looks exactly like the other ones."

"Yeah." Roy agreed, "Whadya wanna bet they all are that way."

Johnny shook his head, "No deal." He continued looking around as Roy knocked loudly and called out, "Fire Department." They waited briefly but the door didn't move and there was no answer. He knocked and called again checking the door then glanced at Johnny. "locked."

"I'll start checking windows." Johnny called as he headed off. The first window was shut and had a heavy curtain over it, not allowing anything to be seen. As he headed further back he heard noises and called out, "Hello! Fire Department!"

"Here, Help!" He heard a soft female voice call. He rushed forward and found a window propped open with a large fan in it. He looked in but couldn't see anyone inside. "Uhh, I'm John Gage from the fire department. Ma'am, your door is locked and . .."

"I know. I have a toddler." The voice cut him off then continued, "I can't get to the door to unlock it."

Johnny frowned as he leaned back and called. "Roy? She's around here." He turned back, examining the fan. "Ma'am, I can move this fan and get in .. . ."

"Wait! No!" the voice obviously panicked. "Don't move the fan!"

He paused, concern drawing a frown on his face. "Are you hurt? Can you tell me what's going on?" He asked, keeping his voice soft and soothing.

"I'm . . .I don't think I'm hurt." The voice said slowly, "But I'm definitely trapped here."

Johnny looked over as Roy trotted up to hear. "Ma'am, can you tell us how you're trapped?" Suddenly Johnny stopped, his head raised as he sniffed the air. "Roy?"

Roy nodded as he, too, caught the acrid stench on burnt plastic.

There was a sigh, then, "I was washing my hair. I had put Linda in her playpen and locked the door. Then I smelled this horrid smell and saw smoke. I came out of the bathroom and there was this awful black smoke pouring out of my stove. I think she must have put some of her toys or something in there. I turned it off, then put this fan in the window, backwards, so it would draw the smoke out." Now she sighed heavily.

Johnny had been examining the vibrating fan which was making a strange whining sound even as she continued, "I'd just leaned down and plugged it in. It was already turned on and set on high and well, my hair . . ."

Johnny nodded as he pointed to the blades. Roy could see blonde hair wrapped tightly around the gears. "Ok." Johnny said as he pushed up on the window sash; it moved reluctantly. "We see the problem. I'll be as careful as I can. What's your name?"

"Mrs. Günter," came the reply.

"Ok, Mrs. Günter. My name is Johnny Gage and my partner here is Roy DeSoto. Are you ready?"

Another sigh, then, "I guess. It's . . . it's in there pretty tight. I tried to get it out but . .."

Johnny couldn't help but smile. "We're gonna raise this window up a little more and then we'll ease the fan out back into the house. Move as far from the window as you can." He instructed her.

"I'll try but I can tell you, it's got me on a short leash."

Roy took over pushing up the sash as Johnny carefully maneuvered the fan. Johnny could feel the resistance as he shifted the heavy weight but he finally got it free of the window. Roy reached out with one hand and swept the heavy curtain back, clearing their view of both the room and their victim. Johnny looked in through the window and smiled down at the kneeling pretty young woman with hazel eyes and long blonde hair held firmly in the fan's blades. He smiled his most comforting smile into her clearly scared face. "Well! Hello there, Mrs. Günter!"

She gave him a uncertain smile back.

"Ok, now Mrs. Günter, I'm gonna lower the fan to the floor. Move your body as you can so it doesn't pull. " At her slight nod, he carefully lowered the heavy fan to the floor. She moved her body with it until she was almost lying on the floor in front of it. Johnny straightened and flexed his arms and back, feeling the strain from the controlled slow descent. He glanced at Roy even as he swung one long leg up over the high window sill. As soon as he was standing inside he reached back through the window and took the equipment Roy handed him then, after making sure his partner didn't need his help getting through the window he bent over their patient.

"Hi there!" He smiled brightly. She turned her head as much as she could to look into his face, hazel eyes watering slightly even as her pale cheeks blushed. Roy clambered through the window, took one glance to assure Johnny didn't need his help and trotted off to the kitchen. He returned with a glove over his hand and holding a iron skillet with the remains of what looked to have once been a fair sized stuffed animal. He grinned at his partner and the woman. "I think I found the cause of the smoke."

Mrs. Günter took one look, her nose wrinkling at the lingering smell then she sighed, "Well, that _**was**_ her favorite snuggly, a lambskin lamb."

Roy nodded, "I'll get it out of here." He tried the front door, saw it was still locked with a deadbolt and no sign of keys. Johnny was now hovering over the woman so he just reached through the window and placed the skillet on the ground.

"I'm so embarrassed." She was telling him, one hand reaching up to her trapped locks, "I tried to get free but I just couldn't." Johnny looked over at the awkward way she was reclined and nodded, "I can see that. Now, I need to take a pulse and check you out here. Are you hurt anywhere else?" He knelt beside her and made to moved the knitted blanket bundles in her lap aside.

"Careful!" she cried softly and he froze, afraid of hurting her. But she smiled softly and brought out one arm from the mass. "Sorry. I just got her to sleep. It took me quite a while to even convince her to come sit in my lap."

Johnny now noticed curly blonde hair sticking out of the blanket and a quick glance around revealed the handset of a phone buzzing loudly stretched the length of its cord off its set as well as several toys and books. "Oh. Ok." He took the offered arm and took a pulse. It fell well within the normal range as did her respirations and BP. He told his partner this then leaned closer. "I'm just gonna see how attached you are to this fan here."

She chuckled faintly at his phrasing. "I'm not hurt." She told him, answering his earlier questions. "I mean, my hair is being pulled and my scalp's a little sore but nothing more than Linda has done before." She stroked the blanketed form and both paramedics heard a child's sigh.

Meanwhile, Roy unplugged the fan and reset the handset back on its receiver. Then he sat on his own haunches, waiting to offer any further help as Johnny took the lead.

Johnny turned to his partner, "Her scalp's red but not bleeding. But the hair is in there really tight. Uhhhh, open the fan?"

Roy nodded, and headed back out toward the truck to get the small tool kit they carried. Johnny knelt back where the woman could see him without straining. "Mrs. Günter, we're going to have to take apart the fan. My partner, Roy, went to get our tool kit."

She frowned and sighed, "I guess if you have to, you have to. I don't really have a choice here, do I."

He smiled at her but didn't answer as he examined the way the fan was built. When he heard Roy place the tool box down he said, "hex head screwdriver…" Without looking behind him, Johnny extended his hand and felt the requested tool slapped, surgical tool-like into his palm. He frowned over his shoulder into twinkling blue eyes as Roy gave a faint shrug. Mrs. Günter giggled faintly as she understood the action. "I guess, in a way, you are operating."

Johnny's mouth twitched as he turned his attention back to the bolts holding on the fan's front. Soon he had all four loose and dropped the screwdriver at his feet. "Ok. That does it. Now I'm gonna lift this off and uhhhh, Roy?"

Roy stepped forward and helped brace the woman's hair as Johnny gently removed the grill and slid his hand into the fan. He tugged and pulled at the hair wrapped up inside. His face showed his concern that what he tried wasn't working well. Mrs. Günter stared up at him and now she sighed heavily, her eyes filling again with tears. Johnny glanced down and immediately stopped, think he was hurting her. "I'm very sorry." He apologized.

She gave a tiny nod. "You're . . . you're going to have to cut it, aren't you."

Johnny's head rose up as he exchanged glances with his partner. "We might not have to yet ma'am." He soothed.

Tears began to flow down her cheeks as she looked up at them. "Oh, I hope not. My . . . my husband . .. he wouldn't understand . .." Johnny caught his lip between his teeth as he frowned. But she was continuing. "I can't . .. I can't cut my hair. It's against my religion."

Now Roy paused, "Uhhh, against your religion?"

She gave another tiny nod. "Yes. See I'm Mennonite. Our sect doesn't believe in cutting a woman's hair or letting other men see your hair loose. A woman's hair is part of her glory and only for her husband." More tears fell. "I really shouldn't have even let you into my house but . . ." She shrugged weakly.

"You didn't have a choice."

"You did the right thing." Both paramedics assured her simultaneously. She gave them a teary smile. "Ohhh, I hope James sees it that way."

Johnny smiled reassuringly at her, "I'm sure he will." Then the two became very busy trying to release the woman's hair from the fan. Roy held the grill while Johnny's deft slender fingers worked at untangling the now greasy strands. After nearly 30 minutes of work, he only managed to loosen about a third of the hair. No matter what he tried, the rest was too tightly wound and tangled. Tired and frustrated, he looked up at Roy and shook his head.

Mrs. Günter, who had been closely watching them, saw the silent communication and gave a quiet sob. Johnny looked down at her and she had to smile at the sad look in his brown eyes. "I'm really very sorry, Mrs. Günter. I've tried the best I can."

She smiled at him, "I know you have." She sighed and pointed to a table nearby. "Well. If it must be . . . There is a pair of very sharp shears in that drawer there. Do what you have to."

Johnny nodded and retrieved the scissors. Since his hands were smeared in grease, he handed them to his partner. Roy waited as Johnny ripped open a couple of abdominal pads and wiped his hands. When Johnny nodded and braced the grill, Roy took a deep breath, placed the scissors and froze as an unearthly wail sounded.

Johnny jumped half his height as the noise sounded directly below him. He looked down, brown eyes wide even as Mrs. Günter scrambled with the bundled blanket. "Shhh, shhh, mine kinder." She soothed as she quickly uncovered a scrunched up and red face. "She always wakes up like this." She explained to the two firemen. She tried pulling the child up to her shoulder but her awkward position prevented that maneuver.

Little Linda rubbed her eyes and looked around, her wail faltering as she took in the two strange men in her home and the weird thing that appeared—in her young mind—to be trying to swallow her mommy. Her blue eyes widened even further as she pulled backward out of her mother's arms, her mouth dropping open in a high pitched shriek.

Her mother reached for her, "Adalinda! Come to Müttee! Come here bengelchen; it's alright. Oh!" She tried to grab her daughter and the grill slipped from Johnny's still slightly slick hands, falling to the floor with a clatter and pulling her painfully down with it. The action scared the little girl more and she turned and ran as fast as her little legs could go.

"Roy . .." Johnny started, his attention going from the woman now weeping on the floor to where the child had run. "Go." Roy told him even as he knelt by their patient. Johnny did, zipping through the house in a fast search, well aware of how quickly small children can get into trouble. As he entered the large dining room he stopped, dropped to his knees and froze.

There, wedged between a dry sink and a buffet, just as tightly as she could, wept the small child. Johnny smiled gently at the little girl. "Hey there honey." He called, keeping his voice soft and gentle. "what's got you so teary eyed?"

The child hiccupped her sobs and pulled further back from him. He sat back on his haunches. "Oh, Engelchen. Don't be scared of me. My name's Johnny and your mommy called me here to help her."

At that the little girl looked him straight in the eyes and whimpered, "Müttee."

Johnny nodded, "Yes. Müttee. Müttee is waiting for you. Shall I take you to her?" He held his hand out carefully, his dark eyes never leaving hers. She continued to look at him, her lips trembling but her posture not as rigid. Johnny moved carefully forward, his hand still stretched out but his eyes never left hers and hers never left his. She didn't move from him as he reached her, nor did she move as he cautiously slid his hand over hers. Their eyes never broke contact as he gently pulled.

Suddenly she leapt toward him, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face into his throat. He ducked his head, resting his cheek against her hair, murmuring words of comfort as he held her against him with one arm and rubbed her back soothingly with his other hand. He walked carefully back into the room where his partner and her mother were, his voice soft and low in her ear. She turned her head and looked toward her mother, a whimper coming from deep within her as she clung tighter to her support's neck.

Roy took one look and said, "You just keep her, Junior. I've got things here." Johnny just nodded and carefully sat down in a near corner. Roy could hear his partner's murmurs and realized he was singing. He paused to listen to the words then looked down at his patient. She, too, was looking at Johnny, her face showing surprise as she listened. Johnny had his eyes nearly closed as he rocked gently. Adalinda had turned her head so she could look into his face, her hand still wrapped tightly into his hair at his nape but she was beginning to sing-song with him.

"Schtill, schtill, schtill, Weil's Kindlein schlafen will. Die Englein tun schön jubilieren, Bei dem Kripplein musizieren. Schtill, schtill, schtill, Weil's Kindlein schlafen will.

Schlaf, schlaf, schlaf, Mein liabes Kindlein, schlaf! Die Engel tuan scho musizieren Bei dem Kindlein jubilieren. Schlaf, schlaf, schlaf, Mein liabes Kindlein, schlaf!"

Mrs. Günter's voice softly added to the second verse. When they were done, she looked with wide eyes at the dark haired paramedic. "Wei hast du (How did you) . . . Du bist nicht Deutsch! (You're not German!)" She said in German. Johnny shook his head, "Nine, mine Urgroßmütter. (no, my Great Grandmother."

She looked him carefully over, "Ahhh." Then in English, "Adalinda will be two in a few months. I would sing that to her both while I carried her and once she was born." She smiled softly, "You couldn't've picked a better song to calm her down." She startled suddenly as the weight on her head eased, her eyes blinking widely "Ooohhh!"

"You're free." Roy told her as he helped her sit upright. Her hair fell about her neck and shoulders, part of it covered in grease. She pulled the loose ends around, trying to look at them. "Oh my."

Sudden pounding on the door caught all of their attention. In Johnny's arms, Linda whimpered slightly and clung tighter to him. A loud anxious voice called, "Liesel! Liesel! Ist alles ordnung (Are you alright)?"

Mrs. Günter looked toward the door. "Oh. That's my neighbor, Pauline." She hurried across the room, grabbed up a set of keys from a hook high up near the lintel and unlocked the door. Instantly a dark haired woman burst in. "Liesel! Are you alright? You didn't answer me! There's a fire truck out front and I saw smoke coming out of your kitchen window and . . ." Her eyes widened and she grabbed for the other woman's head. "Liesel! What happened to your hair!"

Liesel took her friend's hand and in rapid fire German explained everything. She motioned toward where Roy was closing the various boxes they had brought and Johnny still sat against the wall. "These two nice gentlemen freed me but at the cost of my hair."

Pauline smiled at the two, "Thank you for your help, gentlemen." She looked critically at her friend. "Not a bad job but it'll need evening out. I can do that in a jiffy and then you'll have to wash it again to get that grease out of it. I'll watch Linda while you do." She looked around, as if just noticing the little girl was nowhere to be seen. She turned wide blue eyes back to her friend. "Liesel, where's Linda?"

Liesel smiled gently at Johnny as she nodded in his direction. "She's perfectly fine—right there."

Pauline followed her gaze and now saw the little girl cuddled in the young paramedic's arms, her rapt gaze locked on his face. "Oh my." Pauline looked from the sight back to her friend. "She went willingly to him?"

At Liesel's nod she turned toward the handsome paramedic. "You must have quite a way with children. Linda rarely allows any man other than her father or grandfather to touch her. My own husband has known her since she was born and I can count on one hand the times she's let him hold her."

Roy looked over toward his blushing friend and grinned, "It's the Gage charm, ma'am. Few females below 16 can resist it." Johnny blushed harder as Roy added, "Or over 50. It's the ones in the middle who are immune."

The two women laughed and Mrs. Günter stepped over to Johnny. "Come Engelchen. Say good bye now." Linda went willingly to her mother but not before she placed a sloppy kiss on Johnny's blushing cheek.

Soon Johnny and Roy were on their way back to the station. Roy glanced at his partner several times, noticing the brow wrinkled in thought and the dark unfocused gaze staring out the window. He shook his head, "You never cease to surprise me, junior."

His quiet comment jarred Johnny out of his thoughts and he blinked at him, "Huh?"

Roy chuckled, "You. Just when I think I have you all figured out, you go and show me something totally new."

Now Johnny frowned, "What are you talking about, Roy?"

Roy glanced at his partner then turned his eyes back to the road, "Back there. How you quieted that little girl by singing to her." He shook his head, "What was that? A Indian lullaby or something?"

He spared a glance and was surprised to see a look of pain pass over Johnny's face. "Yeah, It was . . . a lullaby." Johnny acknowledged. Now it was Roy's turn to frown as he recalled the mother had joined Johnny in singing . . . and the mother was . . . "It was German. You were singing in German." He made it a statement and Johnny gave a nod although his attention stayed out the window.

"How do you know German? " Something else occurred to him, "And what was that you told her?"

Johnny mumbled something and Roy leaned toward him. "How's that, partner?"

Johnny sighed heavily and his attention dropped to his hands. "She said I wasn't German. Then she wanted to know how I knew that song."

Roy waited but Johnny didn't add anything. So he encouraged him with, "And you told her . .. ."

Johnny sighed again and shifted uncomfortably. "And I told her from my great Grandmother. She was German and both she and my mother . . . used to sing it to me." He finished very quietly.

Roy was quiet for a moment, then said softly, "I'm sorry, Johnny. I didn't mean to bring up bad memories."

Johnny looked into the sincere gaze of his friend and gave a gentle smile. "They're not all bad. I know my mother and my Grossy loved me very much. My Grossy made a . . . .a very bad time in my life bearable, and that song reminds me of her." He took a deep breath and shifted, "See, my mother was a Dako'acinca." at Roy's puzzled look he elaborated, "A half breed—half German and half Lahkota."

"Lahkota." Roy interrupted, "I thought you were Dahkota?"

"I am, both, actually." Johnny patiently said, then before Roy could further protest he explained, "Same nation—Sioux—but different tribes. My father was full blooded Dahkota."

"Oh." Was all Roy could think to say. He thought for a moment and when Johnny didn't continue he egged him on with, "Ok. So your mother was half German, half Lahkota." He deliberately avoid that hated degradation of half breed.

Johnny nodded. "Yes. That was the main reason some of my father's family couldn't accept her."

"Or you?" Roy softly asked, remembering the dreams and the feared aunt. Johnny nodded slowly as his head dropped and his gaze focused on his intertwined fingers. "And her father—my grandfather—was much worse in that aspect." Johnny sighed again. "It was a very bad time long ago."

"Not so long ago that it doesn't still hurt you." Roy's voice was gentle as he stared at his friend. Johnny looked up and met his gaze. Slowly a smile slightly stretched his lips. "Thanks Roy."

The light changed green and Roy gave a nod before turning his attention back out to the traffic. "Maybe someday you'll tell me about it." He added and held his breath. He heard Johnny sigh then relaxed when the other man softly replied, "Yeah. Maybe someday I will."

The rest of the ride was spent in silence and soon both men were heading into the kitchen. Johnny pulled out a chair and sat while Roy went to the coffee pot, swished it around then poured two cups. He placed one in front of his partner, then sat down, sipping his own cup. He pulled the paper over to him and began reading.

"Well, haven't seen much of you guys today." Marco's cheerful voice echoed as he walked into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and began pulling out items, placing them on the table. Johnny sipped his coffee as he watched the items accumulate in front of him. "Say Marco? What did you have for lunch?"

Marco pulled out some meat and set it on the counter. "Nothing special. We'd had a run that was kinda busy and by the time we got back, everyone was too hungry to really wait." He shrugged as he pulled out a skillet and set it on an activated eye. "So I just threw together some soup and sandwiches."

He wondered at the smirk Roy threw to his partner, "See?"

Johnny muttered something under his breath and rolled a tomato back and forth between his hands. Marco frowned at the dark haired man as he removed the tomato. "If I'd wanted it mushed, I woulda bought canned ones." He admonished the paramedic, then asked, "Why? Haven't you guys eaten yet?" He looked again at his foster brother. '_**Well, he didn't hit the fridge as soon as he walked in . . . I don't hear his stomach . . .'**_

"Naw, we stopped for burgers between runs." Johnny admitted as he picked up an onion instead. Marco sighed and pulled out a cutting board. He slapped it down in front of the paramedic, stifling a snicker as the younger man jumped. Then he placed a knife and the onions on the board. "Since you're so intent on playing with dinner, you can help make it. Chomp those up fine, por favor."

Johnny grumbled some more under his breath and Roy snickered but both Marco and Roy saw Johnny began to peel onions. Soon the sounds of the knife hitting the board mixed with the sizzle of meat in the skillet. Johnny took the board, now piled full of onion pieces and held it near the skillet. At Marco's nod, he dropped them in. He washed off the board and the knife and walked back over to the table. He picked up a head of lettuce. "Marco?"

Marco turned slightly, saw the head in Johnny's hand and the questioning look on his face. He nodded. "Not too fine but yeah." Johnny nodded and made short work of the head.

Chet bounced into the kitchen, his nose in the air. "ummmmm, Marco that smells great!" Then his eyes caught on his favorite mark sitting at the table. A grin spread across his face and an evil twinkle gleamed in his eyes. He came closer, inhaling to begin needling his pigeon and paused, eyes widening as he realized what Johnny was doing. "What the hell you doing, Gage!" burst out of him, startling all three men. Johnny jumped and the knife he'd been poking various parts of his hand with, slipped and cut him.

Johnny scowled at his teammate. "Geez Chet. Look what you made me do!"

Roy grabbed the towel and placed it over Johnny's hand. The raised voices caught the other two men's attention and Cap and Mike came into the room.

"What's going on here?" Cap asked. Chet turned to him wide-eyed. "Cap, I think Roy better run Gage into Rampart. Something is seriously wrong with him!"

Johnny scowled more. "There's nothin' wrong with me except you!" he retorted. Cap looked to Roy who gave a shrug, "He's got a little cut, nothing really."

"Nothing!" Chet's voice practically squeaked. He pointed at Johnny. "Cap, I came in here and Gage was. . .was stabbing himself in the hand! With that knife!"

Cap raised his eyes to rebuke his lineman for the obviously exaggerated comment but caught the guilty look cross his junior paramedic's face. As one, the others all looked at Johnny, seeing the same thing. "Gage? Is there something you want to tell me?' He demanded in his best, 'I'm –being—patient—but –you—better –have—a –good—answer' tone.

Johnny tried a uneasy smile. "I wasn't stabbing myself." His tone told what he thought of that accusation.

Cap crossed his arms. "Ok. Then just what were you doing?"

Roy locked eyes with his partner. "I'd like to hear that too."

Johnny colored and ducked his head. "While I was cutting the lettuce, the knife sorta slipped and cut my finger." He pulled his hand from Roy's grasp and rolled it over, showing the slight cut on one finger. Roy inspected it; it wasn't deep or even still bleeding. "And?" Roy asked.

Johnny sighed, "And I didn't feel it. I saw the blood; that's when I first noticed. I knew I had numb areas on my hands; Doc warned me about that and I was just . . . well trying to see how numb it still . . ."

A groan/sigh echoed around the room and Johnny looked up. His dark eyes widened in surprise at the varied looks he saw on his shiftmates' faces. Everything from guilt to sorrow to worry to anxiety stared back at him. His gaze went from one face to another. "Hey guys! It's ahwright! I mean I'm fine! I have full use . . . of both my hands." He raised them and waggled his fingers, flexing them as if showing how recovered he was now.

Cap swallowed hard and concentrated on making sure his voice sounded calm. Things had been so 'normal' since Johnny had returned to work that he, apparently like the rest, had forgotten that Johnny was still healing. "This numbness … doesn't interfere with your work?"

Johnny emphatically shook his head. "No sir. Brackett wouldn't've cleared me if it did. He just told me to be more careful about where I put my hands and wearing my gloves and stuff because. . .well…"

"You could hurt your hands and not feel it." Mike finished the sentence. Johnny nodded.

Cap noisily cleared his throat. "Well. Then. Ahhhh, Marco? You need any more help with supper?"

Marco snapped his attention from looking at Johnny's still visibly scarred hands and blinked. "Ahhh, no, Cap. I've got it covered."

Cap clapped his hands together, "Well. Then. I suggest we . . ."

From over their heads a loud piercing whistle split the air. A light on the top of the tones sound system flashed. "Attention. Attention. All Stations. Code Orange. Repeat. Code Orange. This is not a drill. Further instructions will follow." A voice droned.

At the first sound, Johnny jumped violently. Now he, along with the others, stared at the box as if it had spouted blonde curls and big blue eyes. They probably wouldn't have been more surprised if it had done just that. Then five heads turned toward their captain. "Code Orange, Cap. That's . . .'

Cap nodded, "County wide disaster. You heard the tones. Let's move."

Marco slapped off the stove and pushed the pan off to the side. In mass they ran to the vehicles as an unbelievably long series of tones began to sound. "All LA County Fire Stations except Station 64, Station 86, Station 127, Station 98. Accident involving train. All stations report to Incident Command at Dominguez Park. Time out 19:12."

Cap scooped up the mic and added his, "Station 51 kmg365," to the list of responding stations. He glanced out the window and saw Johnny's arm already pointing as Roy nodded and headed the squad out. Mike pulled the engine out right behind them. It seemed like forever before the two vehicles from Station 51 joined their brethren in a tight long line at Incident Command and the men left their vehicles to gather around their captain. "Stay here; I'll find out what's going on." Five heads nodded as their captain looped off.

Johnny leaned against the squad, "Wow. Code Orange. And a train wreck." Worried brown eyes met equally concerned blue ones. "This could be really bad, Roy."

Roy tried not to roll his eyes at Johnny's understatement. Instead he merely said, "Yeah."

"Hey! You guys know what's goin' on yet?" A voice hailed them. They looked over to see Station 110 parked next to them. Kirk Mueller grinned back at them, Tom Wheeler just getting out of the squad. Johnny shook his head, "Naw. Just what dispatch said." Just then Cap trotted back over. "Marco, Chet load up. Mike, they want us on Wilmington as a tanker relay."

He turned to the four paramedics. "They want all of you over there in that blue tent. You'll get your assignments there." He clapped a hand on the back of each of his men. "Good luck." Then he swung up into the idling engine and Mike pulled slowly out, waving his own salute to his stationmates.

The four men grabbed their turnout coats and walked over to the indicated tent. Once inside, they saw other paramedics; some they knew, many they didn't. A bullhorn squelched and as one the talking ceased and all heads turned toward the front. "All right. Since most of you are now here, we're gonna go ahead and assign you." The chief on the horn looked toward his left where two men were setting up a board. "First off, we have an estimated 76 cars involved of which 15 are passenger cars. The railroad is trying to get us actual names but right now all we have are numbers." He looked at the sheet in his hand and read off, "Ummm, estimated 189 passengers checked in." He looked back up, "we are still waiting to hear how many railroad personal were on board and of course there's no count on how many civilians are involved as well." He pointed to a large map on the board. "The train extends from here on Del Amo Boulevard to Summerland Avenue."

Johnny's eyes widened as around them several others whistled, "That's gotta be nearly a mile!" Roy nodded as he, too, looked at the mapped wreckage. "Yeah. And half that area is residential."

Johnny listened to the rest of the briefing with only one ear. His mind was still boggled over the area of damage. His full attention was yanked back when Roy elbowed him. "Owwww!" he grumbled, glaring at his partner. Roy just smirked, "This way, Junior." He followed Roy and they joined several others before another chief with a clipboard. "DeSoto and Gage, 51's" Roy announced.

The chief looked over his paper and replied, "DeSoto and Gage. You're on search and rescue in the passenger cars. Grab up your gear, get a backpack each and head over to that truck." He pointed out past them toward where a department truck was being loaded. They nodded and headed out.

Marc opened his eyes as the bus's brakes hissed and the bus jerked to a stop. Yawning, he stood and stepped off the bus. He grabbed his gear and stood in the line before a captain holding a clipboard. As the captain briefed them on the situation, Kent boredly scanned the gathered paramedics, looking for familiar faces. He turned his attention back when the captain announced, "give me your names and I'll tell you where you're assigned."

He waited patiently in line until he faced the captain. "Marcus Kent" The captain scanned his list, made a check mark. "Kent, you're on search and rescue inside the passenger cars. Follow Becker there." He pointed toward a figure weaving through the crowds. Kent nodded and followed the indicated man onto a transport. Soon they were unloading in front of a tangled mess of train cars, personal vehicles and buildings.

Kent grabbed a handful of triage tags from the seat in front of the transport and stuffed them into his pocket. Then he trudged across the area and into the darkness of a passenger car sitting on its side. He paused to let his eyes adjust to the dimmer light and could see the tangled jumbled mess of torn loose seats, clothing, luggage and people. Other firefighters picked carefully through the mess, sorting out victims. A firefighter looked up and motioned him over. He bent to take a carotid on the exposed figure, letting his eyes scan over the twisted form. No pulse beat in the neck and the eyes were lifeless and dull. He shook his head and took a tag from his pocket. He marked the black area, fastened it to the victim's coat and turned away.

"Hey! I've got a live one." A voice called out. Kent moved toward him, recognizing as he did the one who called out was one of the newly certified paramedics. He crouched next to where the younger man was talking soothingly with a frail looking black woman. Kent looked her over, noting she clutched her left arm closely to her. He forced a smile. "Hello, I'm a paramedic from LA county. "

Pushed aside by the older paramedic, the younger man, still green and uncertain, sat back on his heels to watch and learn. The woman smiled at Kent. "Well hello."

Kent felt down her arm and she winced. "Where all do you hurt?" He asked.

She laughed, "Young man, at my age, everything hurts but I suppose you mean like my arm here." She replied.

He nodded. "Exactly. We'll get a splint on that and I'm sure it will feel better." He glanced at the medic behind him, muttered, "Splint it," then took her pulse as he asked, "Do you know your name?"

She frowned at him then grinned wickedly, "Of course I do! I'm not that old!" Kent nodded again. "OK. Someone will be by soon to help you get to the hospital." He took out another tag, marked it with the time and her vitals, then marking the green area, fastened it to her collar and stood.

The younger paramedic frowned as he watched Kent walk away. He smiled at the lady, "I'm just gonna get a splint for that arm and will be right back." She smiled at him, "That's alright sweetie, you run off and play with your sister. I'm tired and think I'll take a little nap now." She blinked sleepily. "Such a nice boy." She murmured. With one last worried frown in her direction, he hurried off.

Johnny rolled his shoulders and sighed as he stretched. He'd just completed another passenger car and was trudging across an open area to the next one, this one laying on its side. Once inside, he paused, letting his eyes adjust. Once they did, he could see other paramedics and firefighters moving around in the car. A stokes bearing a crying child moved past him and he watched it head out the door. A hand grabbing his arm, tugging at him suddenly startled him briefly. He turned and looked into a very young, very worried face with large grey eyes. A quick glance showed a new helmet with a newly applied paramedic patch. He smiled congenially, thinking, '_**Ahhhh, newly certified. I heard they called them straight out from the testing.' **_He put on a reassuring smile and prepared to soothe what he figured was first disaster jitters.__

Now that the youthful newbie had the other paramedic's attention, doubt on what he was doing filled the younger firefighter, but a quick glance around him strengthened his resolve. '_**Well, the worst he can do is call me an idiot and I've been called that before.**_' He looked into the other paramedic's face and recognized him as one of the instructors from his classes. "Got a problem?" the man was saying. He nodded even as he drug the paramedic back over to the woman. "I think so. Another paramedic checked out this one victim but .. . uhhhh, he uhhh… he didn't check her over like you taught us."

At those words, Johnny straightened more, "How do you mean?" He asked even as he followed the young man.

"Well? He checked her pulse and breathing but didn't do a BP or run his hands on her or ask her anything but what hurt and her name."

"Did she answer him coherently?" Johnny could now see the tiny figure still half buried in debris.

"She said her arm hurt and he told me to splint it. He asked if she knew her name and she said yes. But he didn't ask what her name was. . ." The new paramedic's voice trailed off, sounding unsure. Then he took a deep breath and continued, "She told me to run off and play with my sister, that she wanted to take a nap." His frown deepened as he added, "I've never seen her before in my life and I don't even have a sister."

Concerned now himself, Johnny knelt next to the woman and she looked up at him. He pushed his helmet back further on his head and smiled, "Hi there!"

She smiled back at him. "Well, aren't you a handsome devil!"

Johnny blushed as he turned the tag and read it. "My name is Johnny, mind if I check you out here?"

She tittered and slapped gently at him, "Oh, you! I'm too old for you to check out."

He smiled as he took her pulse, it was a little fast but given the circumstances . . . He placed a hand on her abdomen and got her respirations. "So, I hear you know your name?"

Her smile widened as she answered, "Of course I do,"

He grinned at her, "So, tell me your name."

She tilted her head and announced, "My name is puddintain, ask me again and I'll tell you the same." She sing-songed, then she giggled. Johnny felt his heart sink in his chest as he gave a faint chuckle. "Really. Wow. That's . . that's an unusual name."

She giggled again. Johnny began feeling around her arms, finding an obvious deformity on the lower part of her left arm. " So, Miss Puddintain, other than your arm, does anything else hurt?"

She giggled again then winced, "I can't tell."

"Oh? Why not?"

"I can't tell because I can't feel anything else."

Johnny exchanged glances with the other paramedic and the grey eyed man muttered, "I'll get a backboard and c-collar," before disappearing. Johnny turned back to the woman, "Now, don't be scared but I'm gonna just feel around here and make sure you haven't got any more lumps and bruises." He began running his hands over her body, carefully moving debris from her lower limbs. As he reached for her head, she asked, "Oh! Are you one of those head readers? I've heard about people who can tell your future by reading the bumps on your head."

Johnny chuckled, "No ma'am. I'm not. I just need to make sure the doctor who sees you knows what might be wrong." She winced as he found a lump on the side of her head. "That hurt. I think you should stop now and go play with Lenny." She turned her head and closed her eyes as if dismissing him.

"I'm sorry, Miss Puddintain." Johnny told her and she peeked a look then began a slow grin. Johnny gave her his best lop-sided grin back and she smiled at him once more. "You have quite a lump there. Do you know what happened here?" He asked, not expecting a coherent answer.

"yes," She announced and glared at the stack of debris near him. "That ole travel cosmetic case of mine hit me." Johnny could see a heavy looking light tan case with metal reinforcement on the corners sitting near them. He pulled out his penlight. "I'm gonna shine this light in your eyes, OK? You just look straight ahead."

He did so, noting the pupils were sluggish and unequal even as she gasped in pain and pulled back from him, frowning.

"That hurt, young man." She snapped. He pulled back slightly. "I'm sorry. I had to do it. It helps me tell the doctors what is wrong with you."

She settled herself a little. "Well. Don't do it again." She flipped out her right hand. "Go play now, Granny's tired." She closed her eyes.

He tapped her cheek as he said, "oh no. Don't go to sleep yet. I have a very special doctor friend I want you to meet."

She blinked at him, "ooooo, a doctor? Do I look ok?"

He smiled, "You look just fine, Miss Puddintain."

She smiled and patted his cheek, "You have a devil's tongue too." He felt himself blushing over her actions.

On an impulse he pulled the cosmetic bag toward him and opened it. Inside, along with various cosmetic items and bottles of medications, were several pictures stuck in the mirror depicting his patient and several young children. A tag on the handle read, "Mrs. Amelia Harrison" and gave an address from Santa Barbara. He closed the case and pulled the triage tag loose, changing the listing to red. He scribbled his findings on the tag and as the other medic came back with two other firefighters bearing a stokes he took the splint from it as he said, "Let's get her boarded. She's claiming no feeling from the waist down and has a head injury." They quickly got the woman secured on the backboard and then into the stokes. He handed them the case, explaining, "This appears to be hers. It's got a name and address on the tag there and there are prescriptions inside." As they lifted her, she reached out and grabbed the young grey-eyed firefighter's hand. "Lenny, go with me: I'm scared."

The young paramedic turned toward Johnny, his grey eyes uncertain. Johnny smiled reassuringly, "It's important to keep the victim of head injuries calm." He reminded him. "Go in with her. Tell whatever doc you see what we've done and what you saw before."

He nodded, then smiled. "Thanks, and by the way, I'm Joel Dobson." Johnny smiled, "John Gage," and nearly rolled his eyes as the kid's eyes widened then flicked downward to take in his scarred hands. "Yeah, that Gage," Johnny paused then asked, "The other paramedic . . . did you catch his name?"

Dobson started to make a face but corrected it to carefully neutral. "Yeah. His turnouts said 'Kent'." Johnny merely nodded as the little group headed off but his blood suddenly felt like ice in his veins.

Kent moved down the line, bandaging minor cuts, splinting broken bones, and dispensing triage tags. He moved from yet another black tag to where two firefighters had just pulled a large cloth garment bag away from a pile where they'd heard noises. As the bag was lifted, they could see the face of a little boy of about 10. Dark eyes looked up at his rescuers as he said, "Fireman."

One, still kneeling, smiled, "That's right. And we're gonna get you out of here right now. Just hold still ok?"

The youngster nodded and the men worked quickly and carefully to free him, As soon as he was visible, Kent moved forward. "Where are you hurt?"

The boy looked at him and blinked, "¿Que?" Kent sighed heavily and muttered under his breath, "Great. Another one." He ran his hands down the boy's arms, none to gently, then over his ribs and legs, finding deformity on his lower right leg as well as several small lacerations over most of his body. Those he did nothing about but he splinted the leg then nodded to the two men with a stokes. "Green. Bruises and small cuts mostly. He does have a broken leg." He made out a tag, marked it green and tied it to the boy's shirt collar. "Get him out of here."

The child, who had been shaking with fear and shock but docile during the exam and splinting suddenly began to fight. He grabbed Kent's arm with both of his hands, holding tight and crying piteously.

Roy had just re-entered the passenger car after escorting a patient to the triage tent and spied his partner scowling near the back. He walked up to him, grinning as he tapped his shoulder, making the younger man jump.

"Man Roy, don't do that!" Johnny complained.

Roy's grin widened, "I wouldn't've startled you if you had been in this time zone."

Johnny's frown deepened. Now Roy sensed something serious was troubling the younger man and asked, "What's up Johnny?"

Johnny faced him, his mouth a straight line as he debated whether or not to tell his partner. The decision made, he answered, "It looks like Kent is up to his old tricks."

Now Roy's face went serious and he asked, "What makes you say that?"

Johnny explained what had happened to the lady with the head injury. "Roy? What if he's made other wrong calls? I can't do my job and check on everyone he's done as well?"

Roy sighed, "No. You can't. And no one expects you too. I can tell you that after this car they're pulling us all out for a break. Maybe they'll stick him in another area." He looked around and sighed, "You did report this right?"

Johnny looked away and Roy's shoulders sagged. "Johnny . . ." he started but Johnny interrupted him, "I did. I told Morton when I turned over my last victim. He said he'd pass it along to the chief giving the assignments."

Roy clapped a hand on his partner's back, knowing how hard that must have been for the younger man. Even though Kent's previous actions had nearly killed Johnny, Roy knew the thought of ending the other man's career hurt his friend. But behavior like Johnny had described could not be tolerated for any rescue man, let alone a trained paramedic. A commotion in front of them caught both their attentions and as one the two moved forward.

As they neared, they could see a young boy in a stokes, his hands wrapped as tightly as he could get them into the fabric of Kent's coat. The paramedic's teeth were clenched tightly in a look of disgust as he tried to force the child's fingers loose. Another fireman was helping him, albeit more gently. All the while the boy was sobbing, "Mi hermana! Mi Hermana! Su duela!"

"What's going on here?" Roy asked as he reached to soothe the child. Kent looked up at Roy and grinned broadly. "Hey Roy! Do you suppose you could get a amp of valium or diazepam for me? This kid's just got a broken leg but when we tried to get him out of here he just went hysterical."

Roy was running his hands around the boy's head, mindful of what Johnny had just told him. The boy looked up at him and pleaded something. Roy blinked as he recognized the language as Spanish. Briefly he wished Marco was there then in the next instant he recalled having heard Johnny and Marco talking in Spanish together. Although he didn't think his partner knew much Spanish, perhaps he knew enough to calm this child. With that in mind, he turned his head to call for Johnny but he was already there.

Johnny laid his hand on the boy's head and soothed, "Calmate, ¿Donde le duele?

The boy looked up at Johnny, his dark eyes alit to hear something familiar. He pointed to his leg and immediately began speaking. Johnny listened, interjecting a phrase or two once in a while as Kent rolled his eyes, "Oh for Christ sake, take it outside of you want to chitchat in grunts, Gage."

The two firefighters holding the stokes looked askew at Kent but Johnny ignored him. He turned from the boy and began digging near the area where they had pulled the child from. "He says just his leg hurts. He's worried about his little sister. She was sitting next to him. She stopped answering him some time ago." Johnny's voice held the urgency he felt.

Immediately Roy dropped to help him as did another firefighter. Soon Roy called out, "Here!" He pulled several coats out of the way, revealing a tiny pale face. Johnny took one look and motioned the stoke to be moved. The firefighters carrying it nodded, experience told them the girl didn't look good and the boy didn't need to see that. The boy relaxed his hold on Kent as they gently pushed him down into the stokes but continued to sob, "Mi hermana, Esté, Esté . . ." as he was carried away.

Johnny was doing fast ABCs and shook his head. "She's not breathing, no pulse." He locked his mouth over the girl's mouth and nose and blew gently. Roy continued to carefully excavate the little girl from the remainder of her coverings. He pulled a seat cushion off and froze, his face going blank then white.

Without a word he dropped his hand down on his partner's shoulder as Johnny made ready to start chest compressions on her now mostly uncovered body. His voice flat, Roy told him, "Johnny. Stop. It's no use."

Johnny pulled back to argue but his eyes fell on where Roy pointed. A piece of the railing to an overhead shelf had impaled the tiny child through the chest from side to side and blood soaked the clothing and floor under her. Johnny sat back on his heels and stared at her unmarked face, looking so innocent and way too young.

Roy pulled a tag from his pocket, marked the time and the black and reached past Johnny to attach it to her wrist. Then he covered her upper body with a blanket and motioned she be removed.

Johnny was still kneeling in the same spot, and now Roy noticed his partner's hands were shaking. He frowned as a wave of weariness flowed over his own body. He glanced at his watch, realizing that they had been working rescue for over 6 hours on top of their busy shift that day. He also realized it had now been over 10 hours since they'd last eaten. That all added together, and coupled with one more death on top of the others they'd already dealt with during this disaster, weighed heavily on his own soul. And he could well imagine just now hard it pressed down his sensitive partner.

"C'mon junior." He reached down and pulled Johnny's unresisting form to his feet. He kept a hand on his partner's elbow as he guided Johnny out of the car. Once outside in the artificial lights, he turned to get a closer look at his friend. "Johnny…" he started.

Johnny had his head down as he quietly answered. "I'm fine, Roy."

Roy snorted, "No. You're not fine. None of this is fine. We've just spent all evening crawling through hell on earth where little kids on vacation instead end up in pine boxes and families off visiting friends will instead be planning funerals and people sitting peaceably in their homes had a train run through their kitchens! It's not fine!" He waved an arm encompassing the surrounding controlled chaos. His voice had steadily risen as he spoke and several people around them stopped to stare but quickly looked away as Roy stared icily back at them. Roy took a deep calming breath and slowly let it out as the hand he still had on Johnny's elbow moved up to squeeze his upper arm. "Johnny," He began again.

Johnny's head slowly rose until brown eyes met blue. Roy could see in their red-rimmed darkness the same weariness he felt within himself. At the look of concern in his partner's face, Johnny managed a very faint grin. "I'll be ahwright. All part of the job right?" His voice trembled slightly and he carefully swallowed.

Roy sighed heavily but didn't break eye contact with his friend. "Yeah. Right."

Johnny lightly slapped his friend's arm as again the silent communication they were so adept at passed between them.

Roy nodded in understanding. He pointed toward the recovery tent. "Head that way. I'm gonna go report us in." He waited only long enough to see Johnny stagger off in the correct direction before he turned and headed the opposite way.

Tina Collins wiped her sweating brow with the back of her hand and let out a long breath. While she had always enjoyed her duties as a Red Cross volunteer, she'd never expected to be involved in such a horrible disaster as this. She pulled her sticky no-sleeve cotton shirt away from her body, trying to get some sort of relief from the humid evening. It might have been late September but the motionless air was still as hot as the daytime high of 88. She thought about how much hotter the men working in turnouts were and sighed again. They had been working the crash now for over 6 hours solid and already they'd seen several cases of heat exhaustion and dehydration at the aid/recovery tent.

Even as she thought it, movement to the right of the tent's cover caught her eyes. A lone figure was staggering in their direction, feet barely lifted from the ground, head hanging down, arms limp. As she watched, the figure angled his shuffling walk toward one of the benched tables, while one hand clumsily unfasten his turnout's latches. His knee bumped the bench and he wavered to a stop, swaying on his feet before executing a controlled collapse onto the bench. Both arms stretched out on the table top before him and his head dropped on them. Then he was still.

Tina's training as a LPN kicked in and she grabbed up a water bottle from the cooler along with two large orange juices and a soaked towel. She hurried toward the still figure, sure she would find him in trouble.

As she got closer she could see what of his face wasn't buried in his turnout sleeve. His eyes were closed, lines of exhaustion marked his face which looked pale even under the bright artificial lights glaring from the nearby light truck. His dark hair was plastered to his head, probably from being under the helmet he'd tipped off onto his back. This close now, she could hear his breathing, even and slightly rapid.

She placed the juices and water on the table and touched his shoulder. "Hello? My name's Tina, please let me help you."

He breathed a faint sigh but didn't react. She reached under his chin, found the latch to his helmet strap, loosened it, took it off, and laid it on the table in front of him. Then she took the soaked towel and draped it over his neck and head. He stirred slightly as the cool fabric touched him and his eyelids fluttered but didn't open.

Next she carefully began working the heavy coat from him, noting as she folded it and laid it down the name of 'Gage" stenciled on the back. As soon as she released his arms, they went back to the table top and his head rested back on them. She took his wrist, found his skin was warm but not hot, or clammy and cool like she feared. "Asleep then. But I'd say you were getting close to overheating." She told the figure. She shook her head, "Sometimes I envy you firemen's ability to sleep just about anywhere."

Although she knew his body probably craved the sleep, she knew he needed the fluids more. She shook his shoulder, "C'mon now, you need to wake up and drink."

He made no move; his eyes stayed heavily closed. She shook him a bit harder. "C'mon, you must wake up." A quick glance at his sleeve revealed the bright paramedic patch. "C'mon Gage" she used his name, hoping it would rouse him, "You know you need to drink."

He shifted slightly but stayed sprawled out over the table top.

"There you are." Came a weary voice from behind her and she turned quickly to see another firefighter trudging up to her, his hands burdened with two drinks and two plates of food. "I wondered where you got off to." Tina grabbed the dangerously filled plates from the man and placed them on the table. He flashed her a weary grin as he halted next to the other man. "He's asleep." She needlessly told him.

He nodded, his blue eyes on the other form. "He's exhausted. We had a full day of runs before we even came out here."

"He needs to drink." Again her words felt unnecessary but she spoke them anyway. He nodded, "I know. And eat. He hasn't eaten in over 10 hours. I'm surprised he hasn't fainted from low blood sugar before now." He shook his head, "Probably been going on just pure Gage stubbornness." He mumbled while shedding his own turnout coat.

"I couldn't wake him." She again felt like she was stating the obvious. She waved toward the turnout coat. "I at least got his coat and helmet off."

The other man grinned, "Thanks. I'll take it from here. My partner; my responsibility." He reached down and roughly shook the other man's shoulder. The action contradicted the tenderness in his eyes and his voice as he called, "C'mon junior. Up and att'em."

At the sound of that familiar voice, Johnny stirred and blinked open his eyes. "Huh? Oh. Roy." He wiped a hand down his face, his eyes refusing to open more than half. "Man, I'm beat." With great effort, he pulled his helmet to him and made to stand up. "Where they want us now?" He slurred, his head drooping.

Roy pushed on Johnny's shoulder and he collapsed from his half raised position. "No where junior. We're stood down. But you need to refuel."

Johnny blinked, seeing the drinks and food for the first time. His words, "I guess I can eat." belied the rumbling growl emitted by his stomach.

Tina stifled a giggle and with practiced ease opened the juices. She put one into the dark haired man's hand and shoved the other closer to his partner. The younger medic glanced briefly at her and gave a flash of a grin before tipping the carton to his lips and downing the drink in mere seconds. When he righted, he looked a little more wake and suddenly noticed the wet towel draped over his head.

Questioning dark eyes in a very young face looked from his friend to her. "You looked over heated." She explained. "We've found that these work very well."

"Feels good." He murmured as he fingered the edge. Roy pushed the larger plate of food toward his friend. "Eat up, Johnny, then we've got sack time." He told him even as he bit into his own sandwich.

Johnny flashed a more complete grin at his friend, "Sounds even better." He stated as he ravenously attacked the plate. All too soon it was cleaned and he was sipping on the bottle water. He'd pushed the other juice further in front of Roy but had already drained the drink his partner had also brought.

Tina had left them but returned with two more bottles. "Drink. I suspect you both are dehydrated."

"With as much as I've sweated, I don't doubt it." Roy agreed as he pulled his wet shirt away from his chest. Johnny snickered as he drained the first bottle and reached for the second. "Don't let Morton hear you or you'll be flat on your back with a D5W IV."

Roy made a face as he finished his food and opened his water. "That's your trick Gage, not mine."

Johnny made a face, "Ha, ha." He took the towel off his head, wiped it across his face and dropped it onto the table. "So, you said something about a bed?"

Roy smiled. "I did." He stood, taking up his water. "C'mon Junior, beddy by time."

Johnny grabbed up his helmet and coat and flashed a quick grin of thanks toward the middle aged woman watching them from further inside the tent. "You're too full of comments and I'm too tired to continue this." He complained even as he shuffled off behind his friend.

Tina watched them go, her eyes slightly narrowed. As she'd watched him inhale the food his partner had brought him, she'd studied him. Tall, thin, dark hair and eyes, high cheekbones—definitely not white. She'd seen the back of the other man's coat and now realized. "His name was Gage. And I heard the one called DeSoto call him Johnny. Those are the names; I'm sure of it. John Gage's the one I need to talk to," She bit her lip as she glanced around, hoping that sometime later she would get the chance. She knew the rotation was 6 hours working, 4 hours sleep then back on search and rescue since each station responding had already worked a full day. By that time, they hoped to have most of the triage aspect done and the rest would be recovery and clean up. The first stations' shifts would be relieved as others came on. She knew the chances were good she would see the weary duo again.

Roy watched as Johnny barely lined up with the wooden cot before he collapsed. Johnny's left arm flipped over his face and by the slackness of his features, he knew his friend was already out. He smiled slightly as he fluffed the stiff pillow and soon joined his partner in oblivion.

Johnny was rocking and it wasn't doing his stomach any good. "Great. When'd we get on this boat?" he muttered faintly. A familiar chuckle brought him a little more alert and he peeked out from under his arm. Roy looked down on him. "Sorry. Nap time's over, junior. Back to the salt mines."

Johnny groaned as he sat up. "Was that really four hours? It felt like I barely closed my eyes."

"Yeah." Roy agreed with him as he pushed his own protesting body to his feet. Beside him Johnny was putting his turnout coat back on but leaving it unfastened. "Have we got time for some chow?"

Roy smiled, "I think we can risk it." He followed his partner back over to the recovery tent. At this hour, there were few others around, mostly firefighters like them coming on rest or going off it. Several gave the duo weary nods of acknowledgement which they answered in kind. Most were too tired for any chit-chat.

After Johnny had downed two sandwiches, an apple and two more orange juices, he sat waiting for Roy to finish up his own sandwich and banana. Once done, the two headed back over to the ever present chief with the detail clipboard.

"Gage and DeSoto." Roy spoke for the two. The chief nodded as one finger traced down his list. He made a check mark and announced. "DeSoto, head over to the triage tent. You're on ambulance runs this time." He looked up at the younger firefighter, "Gage, you're still on search and rescue. You'll be heading a team going over to meet with engine 48 in section 4. They had a freight car slip off the overhead while they were trying to secure it. It blew on impact, causing explosions in the cars from backed up traffic."

Johnny's face paled slightly as he imagined lines of cars to search. "Any idea how many we're talking about, Chief?"

The chief shook his head, "The cars were already evacuated. However, several of the businesses around there were operating on business—as—usual. There was a gas station involved that lost a pump but last I heard that was under control." Johnny nodded his understanding.

The chief pointed to a nearby firetruck. "That will take you on site."

"Who else is on my team?" Johnny asked. The chief consulted his board, "Hendricks, out of 92 and two new guys, uhhhhh, Dobson and Kent."

At that name, Roy's head shot up. "Kent? Marcus Kent?" The chief looked at him, his expression unreadable. "Yeah."

Roy turned to Johnny, seeing his partner's face settle into its professional mask. Instantly and unexpectedly, he felt a tingle of apprehension. "Johnny . . ."

"I'll be fine, Roy. I've already met Dobson; he's got good instincts and I know the captain out of 48's."

"We'll take good care of your partner; no need to worry. 'Course tellin' you that's like tellin' the sun not ta rise." A deep voice boomed and Roy turned and stared straight into a broad chest. He tilted his head to look up and his blue eyes met lighter blue eyes grinning back at him. "Well I'll be! Patty! You ole smoke eater!" Roy smiled broadly at the man, his hands going out to slap on both of the grinning man's beefy upper arms. The giant before them grabbed Roy by the scuff of the neck and pulled him into a one arm hug. "Still the worrier, huh wart?"

Roy blushed slightly and his gaze met clearly curious brown eyes. Johnny arched an eyebrow. "Wart?" he intoned. Roy's blush deepened.

The man grinned now at Johnny. "Yep! Wart! As in worrywart!" Then he looked closer at Johnny. His close scrutiny caused Johnny to take a step back. "Holy Moly, Wart! I can see why you're worried! This kid'd blow away in a strong sneeze! You sure he's made it as a hose jockey? Looks like he'd fly off if ya opened up with him on nozzle."

Now it was Johnny's turn to color. Roy grinned at him. "Johnny, this is Patrick  
Nolan. Patty was lineman at 36's, the station I was rescueman at."

Johnny looked from the grinning giant to his current partner and burst out with, "Great. Another Irishman," and immediately colored, his dark eyes going wide. "No, I didn't mean . .. uhhh… that's not what . . ." he stopped at the look he was getting and dropped his eyes. "oh crap."

Patty's eyes had narrowed at that comment but now he burst into uproarious laughter. He slapped Johnny on the back then quickly grabbed his arm as the blow staggered the slighter man. "I see now. He's an entertaining kid. Holy Moly!" He kept a steadying hand on Johnny's shoulder as the younger man looked warily at him. Patty's smile was friendly and his eyes twinkled as he said in a softer voice. "Don't worry. I'm nothin' like Kelly." Then his grin broadened, "At least not in that aspect." His chest puffed out as he bragged, "And with a hose, I can swirl circles around that little squirt!"

Roy had stepped closer when Johnny staggered, knowing his partner was still tired and well dwarfed by Patty's 6 foot 6 frame. Now he gave his friend a reassuring smile. "Patty isn't a prankster like Chet. In fact other than being Irish, he's nothing like Chet other than he's a great lineman."

"Engineer now' Patty said with a large amount of pride. Roy's eyebrow went up and he grabbed the man's large hand, shaking it enthusiastically. "Engineer! That's great!"

Patty nodded, "Yep. Been an engineer now for 4 years. The missus loves it. And while I sometimes miss hands-on fighting the beast, I really enjoy making sure the guys in the heat have all the support they need." His face sobered as he looked at Roy. "You understand why."

Roy nodded, his own face serious. He tilted his own head at Johnny and Patty nodded. Patty then slapped Johnny's back again, but not nearly as hard as he had previously and said, "I'm getting back to my rig. We're nearly ready to leave. Don't worry DeSoto, I'll make sure we return your partner back to you in at least the condition we got 'em."

Roy smiled but his eyes held a serious note as he shook his friend's hand again. "See that you do. I've finally got him trained just like I want to and don't wanna hafta start over." He smiled at the disgusted look Johnny shot him, then in a more serious note, he added. "He has a proclivity for finding trouble."

Patty's eyes went briefly to Johnny's hands, "So I hear." He smiled at Johnny and offered his hand, "Don't you worry none, me boyo, Patty has your back!"

Johnny smiled, liking this big fellow. He shook the man's hand and found the handshake firm but not crushing. Then Patty trotted off and climbed into the cab of the waiting truck. The large engine roared to life and Johnny turned back to Roy. "What was that . . .."

Roy's lips twitched. "We nearly lost Patty in a fire. Did lose his partner. The engineer got distracted talking to some girls at a scene and wasn't watching his gauges. The pressure dropped and they got overrun with the fire. It was right before I took the class at Harbor." His eyes dropped. "If we'd had the equipment then we do now I could've probably saved him."

Johnny laid his hand on Roy's upper arm in sympathy and Roy was struck suddenly at how things worked. That action with his old station had made him more determined to find out about the infant paramedic program and then to push it through the department. That gusto for the paramedics had led to convincing a certain young rescue man with a similar drive into signing up as well. He looked into his friend's eyes, saw the understanding, sympathy and trust looking back at him and his stomach tightened in anxiety. "Johnny, be careful."

Johnny smiled at his friend and briefly tightened his hand before he dropped it. "I will." Then he gave a cheeky grin, " 'sides, you have your friend's promise I'll be back in the same condition I left."

Roy chuckled but couldn't shake the tight feeling in his gut as he watched Johnny saunter off and climb up into the waiting engine. He watched as several other men, including Marc Kent climbed on board and the engine headed off. He waited until it was out of sight and found himself whispering, "Please. Keep him safe. Keep them all safe."

__

OK. I know this was a loooong chapter. I very easily could've broken the rest up into more chapters but I promised only two more. Some of these scenes are my husband's fault. He gleefully suggested the cougar at the apartment complex. He also found me one day poking myself with a toothpick finding dead spots and suggested that as something Johnny would do. (My disease has wonderfully rewired my nerves. Some areas are dead; some painfully sensitive) An about the disaster, some of the scenes I used were from simulations I was involved in. The paramedic asked if I knew my name but never asked my name. All the answers I gave were wrong (I was marked as head injury) The paramedic tagged me green and left me so I wandered all around the scene, watched various medics work while making comments and finally went over and sat on a nearby swingset. No one stopped me or questioned me again. Once the end of the scenario was called, I was marked as dead and the instructor told them why. Also, I don't know if recovery tents were used in the 70's like we use them now but similar things I'm sure came up. If it works, it gets reused! Well, hope you're all ready because the next chapter is gonna be wild!


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48

Ok. Here it comes. And the ending was getting sooooo long I had to chop it. Looks like TWO more chapters people, sorry.. Guess the guys thought that 51 was a nice number to end on… Ummmm, hang in there.. Kent WILL get his.

They had been at it for nearly two full hours now, the sun had lit the sky and the temperature was climbing. However, they'd only managed to clear one 4 story building and the burned out gas station. Now they were prying open the door to yet another small shop. "It's open," Patty called out unnecessarily as the door gave under his pressure. Johnny moved forward, calling out. "Fire Department! Anybody here?" He picked his way over the floor littered with broken glass from the burst windows as well as pieces of drywall, shelving, and what probably had been the products on those now slanted and failing shelves. Joel Dobson was close on his heels with Patty right behind him; Kent brought up the rear.

Johnny glanced back behind him and sighed. Bad luck seemed to have followed the ill-matched crew from the start. The captain Johnny remembered being at 48's had moved on and his replacement wasn't overly fond of paramedics. He at least acknowledged Johnny's previous time as a rescue man and lineman but didn't trust the two newly certified men. The decision was made Johnny would take Dobson and Hendricks would take Kent.

Each paramedic team would have two engine crew with them. Then when they'd rolled up on scene, Hendricks had jumped out of the truck—just like they all had—and rolled his ankle. Johnny checked him over, and wrapped him up while the captain called IC to tell them what had happened. They were told another crew would be sent out to aid them once more men came off their rest time and new crews came on duty. Till then, they were to continue with who they had. Given that Johnny was senior paramedic, he announced he'd take Joel with him since he was newest. The captain disagreed, stating that both Kent and Dobson were both new paramedics, so Johnny should have both of them on his team. It was then that Patty announced that since he wasn't needed as engineer, since the engine was only being used for transport, he would be the fourth man on Johnny's team. Captain Bardoff scowled but finally agreed and the four headed off, leaving the captain and the two linemen to check the opposite side of the street.

Johnny wasn't happy that the other team would have no one who had any first aid training but the Captain stubbornly insisted he didn't want any 'green wannbe doc' slowing 'his' rescue team down. Then he'd commented that the 'real' firemen should stick together and leave those medic types as a team and looked piercingly at Patty. Patty only grinned back and joked that he needed to be on Gage's team since he doubted that Dobson and Gage together weighed as much as him so that the four of them together were equal to the other two muscular lineman and the captain who weighed at least 250 himself. Despite the captain's scowling, Johnny still insisted that any injured they found be brought immediately back to where Hendricks had set up a first triage near the engine.

With a sigh that brought him back to his present surroundings, Johnny stopped and looked around. The explosion had damaged the inside of the shop; shelves had collapsed and the walls looked bowed. "Best make this quick. Whole thing looks like a pack of cards." Johnny grimly told his teammates. Patty looked around with a practiced eye and nodded. The paramedic was right. "Ok. You two go that way; looks like an office over there. Kent," Johnny kept his voice even as he said the name although his jaw twitched like crazy, "You're with me. We'll sweep this side and that storage area back there. Holler if you find anything. Meet back here if you don't."

Joel and Patty nodded. Kent gave Johnny a grin that set his teeth further on edge and answered, "um, loyal dogscout in lead again, kimosobe." he spoke in broken movie Indian, then switched his voice to coo, "There's a good little rescue dog." He chortled at his perceived cleverness, sure that the other two were too far away to hear. Or so he thought.

Patty heard the comment and glanced quickly at Johnny, not sure if this was a friendly teasing or not but the emotionless mask on the paramedic's face along with the muscle twitching in the jaw quickly told Patty all he needed.

Well used to his share of racial slurs, the sound of this harassment set a slow burn in Patty's blood and he resolved to pay closer attention. After all, he'd made a promise to Wart. Besides, the two hours they'd already worked had him admiring the young paramedic's innate ability to read a building and led a rescue.

Johnny led the way through the storage area, looking carefully around, under boxes and any place he thought a frightened person might have hidden or fallen. He was well aware that Kent merely followed him, occasionally glancing from side to side but doing nothing to actually search. They had cleared their area and were headed back to the designated meeting area when Johnny heard a shout. He stopped. Kent unexpectedly plowed in to him and immediately began to complain.

Head tilting this way and that to center in on the direction of the cry, Johnny hissed angrily at Kent. "Shut up already!"

Kent's face turned red and he drew himself up taller. He'd had enough of this uppity skinny redskin and it was time to take him down a notch or two. "Now you listen here Gage . . ." he began but Johnny waved his hand in a silence motion even as he again hissed. "No Kent, _**you**_ listen. You're supposed to be a rescue man right now."

Patty and Joel had finished their area and had spotted Johnny and Kent. They had begun making their way toward them.

Kent was too angry to keep his tongue even as the other men approached. "No!" He growled as he grabbed Johnny's arm and jerked him around to face him. "YOU listen! I've had all I can stand of your uppity ways! How dare you think you can tell ME what I should and shouldn't do!"

Marc blinked in momentary surprise at the fire he saw in the brown eyes boring into his. This was not the quiet meek man he'd known back at 51's or even the coward he'd faced at the party. Then the spineless little prairie rat had let Roy do all the talking.

Johnny brushed the hand from his arm with surprising strength and took a step toward Kent. "I don't care what you think of me, Kent." He growled. "And once this rescue is over you can enlighten me all you want on how much better your white toast ways are to this poor ignorant savage but right now we are rescue men on a search for survivors and _**I**_ am leading this team. So when I say move, you move and when I say shut up, you shut up. You don't like it?" He pointed back toward the door. "Go sit with Hendricks."

Kent's face turned redder but then he noticed the younger paramedic and Patty had returned and were looking at him warily. He tried to chuckle and gave a weak smile. "Geez Gage. Chill out! Too much caffeine man."

Johnny's face lost its intensity as his eyes shifted quickly to Patty, then Joel then back to Kent. His body still rigid, he barked, "Kent! We clear?"

Kent held up his hands in a warding gesture. "We're clear. We're clear. Geez." He looked at Dobson, tilted his head toward Johnny and rolled his eyes. Patty felt his own back muscles tighten at that action. Johnny saw it too but ignored it. He looked at the others and in a softer voice said, "I heard something. Fan out in here and look."

Johnny raised his voice and shouted, "Fire Department! Call out again so we can find you!"

Kent turned away from Johnny and muttered under his breath, "Chief Crazy Ass, hearing things again."

Patty heard the comment and from the look Joel shot the other man he did as well. But then a weak cry came, "Help me!"

Instantly Johnny's head swiveled toward the sound and he was off. Patty and Joel on his heels. Kent again was the last one. Johnny angled around a collapsed row of cabinets and bent down. He moved some pieces of gypsum board and several bolts of cloth from a shifting pile then his face changed as a gentle smile stretched his lips. "Easy now. Easy. We found you. We'll help you. My name is John; I'm a paramedic. Can you tell me where you hurt?"

The older oriental man looked up into the faces of his rescuers and smiled. "Thank you, thank you. I've been under there fo' so long."

Johnny shifted more debris away from the frail body of his patient and Joel helpfully moved the debris further out of their way. "Well, we found you now." Johnny soothed as his eyes began their assessment. "Where do you hurt?' He asked again as his fingers found the man's wrist and began taking a pulse.

The man blinked at them, bobbing his head repeatedly. "I'm … I'm not hurt. I think. I .. . I just couldn't move."

Johnny's hands went to the man's head as he cautioned, "Please don't move your neck until I can check it, Sir." He glanced up at Patty, "Can you hold C spine?" Patty nodded and one huge hand cupped the back of the thin man's neck while thumb and finger braced his jaw, firmly but gently immobilizing the neck. Johnny's eyes widened briefly as a sideways grin stretched his lips and he pointedly glanced once at his own hand before he was once more all business. Both Joel and Patty caught the silent comment and chuckled faintly. Johnny had moved his hand from the wrist to the man's belly. "Get the rest of this stuff off him. Carefully."

Patty nodded and did so one handed as Joel tossed it further from them. Patty noticed Kent hadn't even come close and now was leaning against the broken cabinets, looking bored. Johnny was now feeling down the man's arms and around his neck and head. He stopped as his hands brushed past his left ear and the man winced. Johnny looked at his hand and asked, "Did you lose consciousness, Mister . .. "

"Wong." The man supplied as he reached his hand up toward where Johnny was probing. Johnny gently intercepted his hand and placed it back down. "Mr. Wong, did you get knocked out?"

The man blinked at them. "I …I don't know. Perhaps."

Johnny pulled his flashlight out and flicked it into the patient's pupils, noting the wince when he did so. "Kent. Get a stokes and a c collar." Johnny ordered as he turned toward Joel who immediately pulled a small notebook from his pocket and with a pen looked expectantly at the older paramedic. "Tenderness on the right rib cage but no guarding. No crepitis. There's a lump behind his left ear right at the base of the skull, small laceration no longer bleeding. Pupils are equal but a little sluggish, light sensitivity. Pulse is 110, Respirations 26. I hear wheezing."

He turned back to the man and as he ran his hands down the now uncovered legs, and asked, "Mr. Wong? Do you have breathing problems? Asthma? Anything like that?"

Mr. Wong nodded, "I had a chest cold. I've been taking medicine for it." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a prescription bottle. Johnny looked at it and nodded. "Penicillin." He shook the bottle. "Have you been taking this regularly, Mr. Wong?"

The man tried to nod but Patty tightened his gentle grip, "Yes. Only two more days."

Johnny nodded and gave the man back his meds. "Make sure you tell them at the hospital ok?"

The older man tried to nod again and failed as Patty had a firm hold. Instead he said, "I'll tell them."

"Now, do you have any place you hurt now? Do you have any other health issues?"

Mr. Wong attempted a head shake to both questions then rolled his eyes to look up Patty. Patty smiled at him, "Just best not ta move it until the docs can clear you're fine, sir." The man stared at him for a few more moments then smiled gratefully. He returned his gaze to the younger dark haired fireman. "No, I don't really hurt anywhere. Just ache everywhere. No other health issues; I am a very healthy man." Johnny nodded, "Ok. Mr. Wong. We're gonna get you outta here. Let us do all the work. You let me know if you feel any pain anywhere, ok?"

Mr. Wong gave a head nod as much as Patty's hold let him and gave the paramedic a weak smile. Johnny slid his hands around the man's back and around his neck under Patty's loosened hold then shook his head at Joel. As soon as the medic pulled his hand free, Patty took a firm grip once more. Johnny stretched up and frowned toward the door. "Where's Kent with that stokes?" He muttered. Patty saw the dark look cross Joel's young face then he stood and disappeared. Johnny took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh but his face as he turned back to his patient was kind and calm.

The younger paramedic quickly reappeared carrying the stokes and the c collar, Kent wandering along behind him, his face frowning. Marc nonchalantly watched the new paramedic practically falling all over himself to help Gage and snorted derisively. "What a waste. That redskin is like a contagion; contaminating everyone he gets in contact with." He muttered as he kicked absently at the debris at his feet. The quick flash of gold caught his eye and he stopped, then moved his foot to uncover it more. Under the drywall and insulation puffs appeared a pile of jewelry. Apparently one of the now smashed cabinets had been a jewelry case. Marc causally reached down and pulled loose a jade pendant. Quickly he put it in his pocket. '_**Might cheer Tammy up. Besides the chink's probably got this place over insured**_.' He reasoned, '_**Those slant eyes are like that. That's why rates go up for other folk.' **_ He justified that it was a thank you from the patient for Kent's presence in the man's rescue and nodded, smiling to himself.

Patty saw the interaction but not the theft. He shook his head, resolving that he would keep a closer watch on that paramedic. The other man made the skin on his neck tighten and Patty was experienced enough that he never ignored that sense of wariness. It had been proven right too many times.

Johnny was again cautioning Mr. Wong to relax as he reached down to slid his arms under Mr. Wong's back and Patty immediately did the same from the opposite side while Joel grabbed the thin legs. At Johnny's nod, they began slowly righting the man. Mr. Wong caught his breath and they immediately stopped.

"Talk to me Mr. Wong. Tell me what's happening?" Johnny coaxed.

"I . .. I got dizzy."

Johnny nodded, "Ok. What about your stomach? Do you feel like you're gonna throw up?"

He started to shake his head then instead answered as the collar prevented the movement. "No. Just dizzy. It's … it's better now."

"Ok. We're gonna get you into this basket and get you outta here." Slowly and cautiously the three men raised their patient then placed him carefully into the stokes. As Johnny once more checked pulse and respirations, Dobson undid the yellow blanket and covered the man. Then Patty and Joel tightened the straps. Johnny looked up at Kent and ordered. "You can help us carry him. Four hands on the stokes will make it steadier over this debris." Marc rolled his eyes and sighed heavily as he place himself next to Patty, opposite Joel and Johnny. "On my count, one two three." Patty lifted in time with the other two medics and instantly knew Kent was barely touching the stokes. His teeth ground silently as the three men carried Mr. Wong out.

Johnny was relieved to see the ambulance and two attendants with a gurney standing ready besides Hendricks. "I already gave him your notes, Johnny." Joel told him and Johnny flashed him a smile. "Good work."

Hendricks and the attendants swiftly replaced the man from the stokes onto the gurney. He checked his patient out quickly and found him stable. Johnny jerked his head toward the ambulance. "You goin' with them." He made it sound like a statement and Hendricks frowned.

Before the man even opened his mouth, the captain added. "Might as well. You're really no good out here and we were promised backup and relief soon anyway." Hendricks nodded and climbed into the back of the vehicle.

Johnny had turned toward the captain when he spoke and his eye caught on the man's hand. "Wait!" He told Patty just as the engineer was ready to shut the doors. Johnny lunged forward and grabbed the captain's upper arm in a surprisingly strong grip. "Cap? What happened here?"

"What? What do you . .." Bardoff began frowning and trying to pull away from the young medic. Then he noticed the blood and his head swam and his knees went weak. Johnny instantly braced him, supporting him as he calmly said, "Whoa, whoa there Cap. Why don't you have a seat right here." He gently but firmly pushed the captain onto the running board on back of the ambulance. Johnny carefully examined the coat and saw a tear just below the elbow. With gentle but experienced hands he felt further up the arm, feeling no more cuts and no protrusions.

"Cap? You hurt anywhere else?" Johnny asked.

The captain's eyes were still locked on his blood covered hand. Johnny took a firm grasp of his patient's chin and turned his head upward to look at him. "Cap? You hurt anywhere else?" he repeated.

The captain numbly shook his head, his face still white. "I didn't even feel that!"

Johnny nodded, his hands still immobilizing the arm. "Let's get your turnout off." Before he could reach for the latches, one of the captain's linemen beat him to it. "Careful, other arm first." Johnny cautioned as they worked the turnout coat off. "Now hold it up and let me work it off." They did so and Johnny moved his hand down to grab the wrist of the sleeve as he placed his other hand up into the jacket sleeve, bracing the injured arm with his own, then eased the coat all the way off, revealing a four inch gash on the captain's forearm. Blood was still slowly oozing from the cut and dribbling in a thick stream down the arm.

Johnny gently probed the wound, drawing a wince from the captain. More blood welled up and from the corner of his eye Johnny saw his patient's face blanch white and felt him sway. "Whoa!" Again he braced the man then commanded, "How 'bout you let me handle this and you, uhhhhh just look at my helmet."

The captain nodded and instead fastened his eyes on the paramedic's face. He watched as Johnny frowned, winced once then huffed. "Let's get this blood cleaned off a little so I can get a better look." Brown eyes rose and briefly met the captain's worried hazel ones. He flashed a quick grin, "Don't worry Cap. I don't think it's too bad."

Bardoff nodded and watched as the other younger medic handed the medic holding his arm a bottle of liquid and some white gauze pads. "Now Cap? This might sting some." The medic…what was his name again? Yeah. Gage. Gage told him.

The captain tensed, expecting the burn of alcohol but while there was a mild quick stab, only the sensation of cool wetness came. Bardoff relaxed and his gaze went back to the paramedic's face. "There. Much better. Oh yeah. Not too bad. We'll just get this cleaned up." Gage muttered, intent on his work. Cap felt pressure on the area and stiffened slightly. "I'm not going to the hospital." Bardoff growled at the man in front of him.

Brown eyes met his, "Just hold on. Give me a minute, give me a minute." He soothed. There was something about this young medic's whole attitude that made him feel relaxed. Bardoff allowed the stiffness to leave his shoulders. "I'm not goin' to no hospital." He repeated.

He felt something swipe his arm then the medic bent closer to the arm. "Ok. Need a couple 4x4's and some kerlex." The items were handed to Gage and Bardoff could feel something being wrapped around his arm. "When was your last tetanus shot, Cap?"

He paused trying to remember. "Last month. At my physical." A hissing sound startled him and Bardoff looked over toward his other arm just as there came the loud sound of releasing Velcro. That new medic was grinning at him as he folded up a BP cuff. "Pulse 108, respirations 14, BP 138/76." He reported to Gage. Bardoff blinked at him wondering when the hell he'd attached that thing, he'd never felt it!

The other medic nodded and those brown eyes rose up to meet Bardoff's again. The captain tightened his jaw. "I'm not going to the hospital. I'm not leaving my crew."

Johnny held up a hand, "Relax Cap. It's not as bad as it looked. No vein or artery involved from the look of it and not too deep either. Your color is a lot better now and your vitals are all in the normal range. I think that it's ok for now."

Bardoff blinked in surprise at the younger man. He wasn't sending him to the hospital? But, but, he thought these wanna be firedocs **always** sent **everybody** to the hospital for anything!

"But," the paramedic when on, and Bardoff sighed thinking '_**here it comes'**_. "You have had some blood loss so I suggest you drink a bottle before you head back in and you should have one of the docs check it out once we get back to base. Just to be on the safe side. It might need a stitch or two." He gave the captain a lopsided grin and to the others surprise Bardoff answered him with a slight grin of his own. The captain turned to his wide-eyed crew as he stood up. "You heard the man. Hendricks, get this rig outta here. The rest of you take five and drink." He ordered and his men scrambled to do as commanded.

Patty tossed a bottle of water to Johnny who caught it with a grin. "well played, Gage." He winked at the medic who looked confused at his comment. "Nolan!" a voice barked and Patty headed quickly over to where the two linemen and Bardoff sat, away from the three medics. "Cap?"

Bardoff nodded toward the other three, "That medic, Gage. Status." He growled. Patty smiled inwardly. Gage had gained a name. He knew that with his captain that once you had a name, you had at least a little of his respect. He gave a detailed account of how Johnny had led the team and when he hesitated, Bardoff's eyes narrowed. "Give, Nolan. Where'd he screw up?"

Patty's eyes flashed anger and Bardoff noticed without making any sign he had. '_**So, the tough engineer likes the kid**_.' But he knew his engineer would be truthful and would answer him. "It wasn't him, Cap. It was the other medic. That Kent fella." He went on to tell the comments he'd heard Kent tell Johnny and about Kent's refusal to help out. Bardoff felt his own jaw tighten even as he saw the growing disgust in his engineer. He nodded after several moments of silence, his thoughtful gaze going back to where Gage had now laid flat, a half bottle of water in his hand. "Ok. Keep an eye on the situation." He ordered. He drank the rest of his bottle, lost in thought. After several long moments, he stood, dropped the empty in the bag hanging from the engine and made his way over to the medics.

Patty had rejoined Johnny and the others after making his report and now looked up to see his captain walking toward them. Kent had his back to the group, braced against a light pole, Joel was curled in what little shade there was and Johnny was spread eagle on his back, his eyes closed and soft respirations showing if he wasn't asleep, he was certainly near it. Bardoff noticed all of them had loosened their turnout coats. Gage had his spread wide open, his uniform shirt underneath sweat stained and wrinkled, but what caught the old captain's eye was the heavy gloves tucked into his belt. He frowned slightly. Most of the younger guys stuffed them into a turnout pocket. As far as he knew, only older firefighters did the belt thing. That— and ranch hands...? Now he really looked over the sleeping medic, remembering what his engineer had said and in the strong daylight seeing for the first time the dark hair, high cheekbones and copper complexion.

Joel's eyes opened as Bardoff neared and he reached out to slap Johnny's leg. "Johnny, heads up."

"Uhhh," Johnny grunted and jerked at the hit. But sleepy brown eyes opened and swiftly scanned the area, becoming quickly alert. He sat up hastily, concern darkening his face. "Cap?" he asked even as he scrambled to his feet, worry drawing down his dark brows.

Bardoff waved him off. "I'm fine Gage. Just wanted a check on what you've already covered."

"Oh." Johnny wiped his face with his hand as he organized his still fuzzy thoughts. "Uhhhmmm, we did the four story, the gas station and that string of small shops." He pointed to each as he named them. Bardoff nodded, secretly impressed at the area covered in the time they had had. While the buildings on both sides of the street had been about the same number, there had only been single story structures for the captain and his team to clear. "We still have that place there." Gage was continuing, "Looks like it might've been a body or auto repair shop of some kind and that other store beyond it."

Bardoff nodded. "We've complete our side of the street. You get the shop, we'll get the last store. Then we can call this street cleared and by then they should be relieving us."

Johnny nodded and flashed a grin. "Sounds good, Cap." He turned to the others still on the ground, "You heard the man, let's get this finished up."

Tiredly Patty gained his feet and watched as Kent sighed heavily and glared at Johnny as he, too, stood. Joel had risen quickly and was looking at Johnny. Patty hid a snicker at the near worshipful look the kid gave the older medic. '_**Oh well, he coulda picked worse.**_' He silently chuckled. As a unit, they headed over to what was left of what looked like a car repair shop.

It took awhile before they could find a relatively safe way into the canted structure. Johnny moved down the corridor careful of the debris scattered around. Ahead he could see the four bays they suspected the repair shop had had. He could see at least one car had obviously been up on a lift when the explosion had rocked this street. It was lying on the passenger side door now. His scanning flashlight caught sight of another car, this one with the hind wheels still in the air but the nose smashed on the floor.

"If they had cars up on the lifts, then they were working on them." Johnny muttered. Beside him, Joel nodded.

"Maybe they heard the noise and got out." Marc said, his nose wrinkled at the mess around him. Patty noticed and rolled his eyes but Johnny was intent on his flashlight scan. "I doubt it. Most of this machinery is pretty loud. They might not have heard anything until it hit."

"Well, you'd know about that grease monkey stuff, Chief." Marc muttered under his breath. Again Patty heard and looked at the paramedic. '_**What's with this guy**_?' he thought, '_**I know some paramedics are kinda uppity about their extra schooling but this guy acts like search and rescue is beneath him!**_'

Johnny pointed toward the car on it's side. "Patty? You and Joel check over there for anyone. Kent and I will check this one." He pointed to the one balanced on its nose. Patty bit his lip as he suddenly realized that each time Johnny divided them, he always took Kent with him—even though Kent made those obvious racial slurs. _**'You'd think he'd want to be as far from him as he could get,' **_he mused, then stopped dead in his tracks and whirled back to stare in comprehension at the dark haired medic. _**'He doesn't trust him! He keeps Kent with him because he doesn't trust him alone!'**_ Joel had continued walking forward. Suddenly he knelt down and Patty shook himself free of his sudden revelation and hurried to his team mates side. "You found someone?" Joel nodded but then the second after that his shoulders sagged. "Dead. Crushed." He sighed. They began carefully moving the scattered equipment and tools, looking for others.

Johnny moved aside some sheet metal as he tried to get closer to the car. Kent hung back, his face full of disgust at the mess before him. Johnny clenched his teeth, "Kent, help me move this." He growled as he grasped what looked like it might have been a fender. Reluctantly Marc grabbed it and together they both tossed the piece free.

Johnny's eyes went wide and his knees hit the pavement at what was revealed underneath. His hands quickly went forward, trying to access the two mingled mangled bodies. As he moved one arm, blood spurted out, spraying him in the face and down his chest. "Damn! Awww, Damn it!" He cried out as he tried to find which one had the arterial bleed and try to tap down that already weakening flow. "Damn it Kent help me!" His hands worked frantically, his eyes only for the two in front of him.

Marc backed slowly away from him, his face white and his hands raised as if to shield himself.

In contrast, Joel and Patty had heard the paramedic's cry and rushed to his side. Joel dropped down next to Johnny, mindless of the blood quickly soaking his own hands as he pulled cloth away, trying to find the wound. Johnny had found one deep hole and had his hand plunged into it.

Joel shook his head as he tried to shift one body away. "This one's gone. Help me get him away." Patty grabbed the crushed man by the clothing and pulled him off his comrade.

Joel placed a hand on the chest revealed. "He's not breathing." Johnny's other hand had gone to the man's neck as soon as his head was freed. His tense body sagged dejectedly as he took his hand away from the man's side. He grabbed Joel's shoulders and pulled him away from where the younger man was positioning himself to begin CPR. "Don't bother, Joel. He's gone."

Joel looked up at the other medic who suddenly looked years older. Johnny waved a bloody hand at their victim. "Puncture wound to the side, musta hit the heart, side of his head's bashed in too."

Patty looked at the fender Johnny and Kent had pulled away. "That and his buddy laying on him must have slowed the bleeding down until you moved it."

Johnny nodded and sighed heavily. Then he seemed to shake it off and looked up. "You guys?'

Joel dropped his gaze. "Two. Car got 'em." He mournfully announced. Johnny clapped his least bloody hand on the younger medic's shoulder. He knew that all of them would be spending time with councilors after this. Then his face settled into a stone mask and he looked up, getting to his feet. "Kent! Why didn't you . .." His words dropped off as he spied the other medic.

Marc Kent's face was ghostly white with beads of sweat running down his forehead and upper lip. His eyes were wide and glassy, the hands he held out in a warding fashion were shaking.

Johnny stepped carefully closer, his voice now pitched to soothe. "Marc, calm down. Everything is ahwright. Just . ..just calm down."

Marc's eyes stared at Johnny's bloody hands, reaching for him and shuddered. "G . ..get back! Get away from me!" He screamed in a high pitched tone. Johnny froze.

"Calm down." He tried again but didn't move toward him.

In Marc's mind he saw Johnny laying before him, blood oozing from multiple wounds, those bloody hands reaching for him, grabbing at him. "I didn't hurt you! I didn't do it! Get away from me" He told both the figure in his mind and the one standing before him. Johnny's face took on a puzzled look. He glanced back at the others to see shock, confusion and worry on their faces.

"I didn't do anything to you!" Marc screamed, then his face turned red with rage, "It was all your own fault! You did it to yourself! You stupid, idiotic redskin! You had to charge in there, be an hero! You ruined everything! You dirty drunken savage, you bleeding b*****d!"

At that, realization flashed through Patty and he put the pieces together. He'd heard the stories, knew that Gage had nearly died from a gas explosion because another firefighter hadn't treated him but he hadn't realized who that man had been. Now he knew. He glanced at Joel and watched as the newer man also made the connections. "He's the one who nearly killed Johnny!" He breathed.

Johnny, too, had finally put it together and knew that Kent was losing it. He glanced back at the two now on their feet behind him. As he did, Kent attacked, "You should have died!" He yelled, "You _**should**_ die!" He grabbed a tool from the scatter ones at his feet and threw it at Johnny before turning and running.

Johnny twisted to the side and the tool glanced off his arm. He heard Patty curse under his breath but put his hand out to stop them. "I'll handle Kent. You two finish up in here and let them know we've got code F's." That order given, he hurried off in the direction Kent had run.

Johnny made his way quickly but carefully through the ruined garage, skirting piles of debris, collapsed shelves of car parts and escaped tires. He saw movement down a hall which he suspected lead to a parts room. He paused at the door, his eyes scanning the room lit only by the sun coming through a dirty half broken window. He stepped into the room, stepping over destroyed product covering the floor. A faint noise behind him caught his attention and he turned to see Marc.

Johnny froze.

"Marc?"

Kent's head came up and a sarcastic grin crossed his face, "Don't think there's anyone in here, Chief tight Ass." He looked around. "Be a good job for you, they'll be hiring now and you've got just enough intelligence for that hands on repair stuff. At least that's what Roy told me." His voice was so matter-a-fact it sent a chill down Johnny's back.

Johnny nodded and swallowed harder before he spoke, trying to make his voice calm and steady. "I . .. uhhh, I like working on engines."

Marc nodded, "Yeah, stay away from the firewater and you'll do good here." He waved a hand around him. "Your first job can be to clean up this place. You get started and I'll put in a word for you."

Johnny blinked, not quite sure whether Kent was being sarcastic or serious. Best thing right now was to agree with anything he said until they could get out of there. He could hear more creaks and groans coming from the unstable structure.

"Ok. That sounds good. But, I'll need some things for cleaning. Why don't we go ahead and get you outta here first, then I'll come back and clean." He kept his voice calm and nonchalant.

A creaking noise, one all too familiar to any firefighter caught both their attentions and instinctively they looked up. Marc couldn't see anything out of place with the ceiling but apparently Johnny did. "Get out!" He yelled even as he lunged forward.

Marc moved backwards, away from those bloody hands and out of the younger man's reach. Whether it was from fear of Johnny making contact with him, or in acknowledgment to his warning was unknown. The move placed Marc into the doorway just as the stressed ceiling gave way. He watched dispassionately as the debris came down, watched it strike the other medic. Johnny's body collapsed with the weight of the combination of plaster, wood, tiling and pieces of metal bearing him down. Soon he was covered in debris.

Marc stared silently as small particles continued to trickle downward onto the unmoving pile. Then he took a step back as more creaking announced further collapse. As he did, the newly falling debris pushed the door shut in his face.

Marc stood unmoving in front of the door, his thoughts racing. '_**Gage is dead. He has to be dead. I saw all that blood… and the way his head tilted when the debris hit his helmet.'**_ Gage'd fallen limply, like a puppet whose strings had snapped. Surely he'd broken his neck. '_**Yeah. His neck is broken. There's no way he could have survived the weight of the hit and then being buried.'**_ And nothing had moved in that pile.

Marc's thoughts continued even as his hand reached into his pocket and pulled out his chalk. It was better this way. Gage was the cause of all his problems. Everything had been fine until he met the Indian firefighter. His family was fine; Tammy was a good wife and mother. His children had been obedient and respectful. He'd loved his job and had gotten along well with Roy. With Gage gone, things would soon get back to the way they were. Tammy would come out of her room and begin taking care of herself and her family. Amy would stop her sniveling and whining and Terry would speak with respect again instead of being sullenly silent. He'd settle into a squad with a partner, preferable Roy, and everything would be fine.

It was as if his mind and his heart were two separate entities having a discussion with each other. Right now, his mind was doing all the talking and was in control of his body. He watched impassively as his hand touched the door and began making the strike that would seal Johnny to his fate.

Then his heart started.

'_**You can't do that. Even for all that has happened to you, you can't do that to him. No matter what, Gage is a fellow firefighter. He trained the same as you did and has served faithfully for several years. You've heard others talk about him; both at 51's and at 16's. To do this to a fellow firefighter goes against everything you've believed for the last 4 years, both here and in San Diego. It's wrong; this is wrong and you know it.'**_

His hand froze as his mind and heart warred with each other.

"He's dead." He heard himself mutter, "What does it matter? It won't make any difference with that."

'_**He deserves to be found. He deserves a firefighter's respect**_.' Came the answer. Then his heart hit the clincher. "He'd do it for you."

Marc's hand dropped.

"Kent!" The voice startled him and he dropped the chalk guiltily. Two figures approached him. "There you are. C'mon this place is too unstable." One figure said. Marc faced him, not seeing the other larger figure shine his flashlight at what he'd dropped and then at the door he'd stood in front of.

"You find anybody else?" The first figure, he now recognized Dobson, asked even as he took ahold of Kent's arm.

Marc shook his head. "No. No one else."

The second figure suddenly demanded, "Where's Gage?" Marc looked blankly at him. Joel looked back from Kent to the engineer. "Marc, where's Johnny?"

Marc's heart and mind did a fast debate again. The two firefighters exchanged dark glances. Just as Patty was opening his mouth to ask again, Marc nodded toward the door. "In there." As if admitting that broke the internal war, the words came forth with growing confidence. "We . . . were looking for any other victims. Gage was further in the room than I. We heard the ceiling start to go. We headed toward the door but Gage got trapped. The . . . the debris shut the door." He concluded.

Patty moved past him and pushed hard against the door. It barely moved. "Gage!" He shouted and they all listened. "Gage! You ok?"

'_**He won't answer; he's dead**_.' Marc's inner voice said. Patty shoved the door again and this time it gave some. "Johnny! You hear me?"

"Yeah." Came a faint answer. Marc blinked rapidly and staggered slightly at that response. "Yeah, I hear ya."

Patty smiled, "You hurt bad?"

A pause, then, "Don't think so. But I'm stuck pretty good."

"Hold on, we'll be right there." This time Joel answered and the two began actively working at shoving the door open. Finally they got it opened enough that they could see into the dimly light room. Debris filled the small space nearly from wall to wall. Patty's trained gaze took in the area and he turned to the younger medic. "Go get more help. I'll try 'nd find where he is in that mess."

Joel hesitated, glancing at Kent who had backed as far away from them as he could get and now leaned against the far wall. Joel instinctively knew he was now the only paramedic on scene and knew also that even though Johnny claimed he was mostly trapped, chances were he was hurt somewhere. As if reading his thoughts Patty said, "Right now he just needs to be excavated before you can do your thing. And that won't happen until we get enough people to dig him out."

Joel gave a firm nod, knowing the big man was right and quickly headed off. Patty turned his attention back to the task at hand. "Johnny? You still with us?"

A long pause then, "Yeah."

Patty began moving pieces of lumber and ceiling away from the door so they could get it open more. "Keep talkin' I may not be one of you medic types but I know you're not to be napping."

A faint chuckle came from the pile. "You're right." Pause then, "Sorry."

Patty continued to work as he asked, "Sorry? Whatcha sorry for?"

"For your promise. To Roy."

A pang hit the big man's gut but he shoved it down and worked harder. "Don't be. Besides, I aint broke it yet." He stopped, worry darkening his face. "Unless… Gage, is there something you should be telling me?"

Johnny gave a soft sigh, as reluctant as he was to tell when he was injured, he knew in this case he had to let his rescuers know. "Ceiling hit me pretty hard. Right on top the helmet. I can feel blood . . . on my face. My . . . my neck hurts. Tingling in my arms. Can't feel . . .my . ..my legs."

Patty swore silently. Like he said, he was no medic but the symptoms Johnny was describing sure didn't sound good.

Kent nodded to himself. "His neck broke." He softly said. "I saw it go before the stuff buried him and the door slammed shut." Patty glared at him, then hissed. "Make yourself useful and move that debris further away."

Kent blinked at the large man then bent to pick up one small piece of wood and toss it further down the hallway.

Patty turned back to his task, muttering under his breath over the useless man. "Gage?"

No answer.

He stopped moving so he could listen. "John, answer me!" He bellowed.

In his dark tomb, Johnny jerked at the sound and blinked his eyes. "ummmm, yeah. I'm . .. I'm here." He slurred.

Patty felt his blood quicken at the weakened sound to the other man's voice. "Hold on Johnny." His voice gently assured. "We'll get you out. Dobson went to get more help."

Johnny felt reassured even if his current position scared him slightly. "Not goin' anywhere." He answered truthfully.

Patty keep digging and soon he heard the call of voices. "Back here!" He called out. The hallway filled with men. He recognized Joel now carrying medical equipment, several other men carrying various tools for excavation and two men in the white striped hats of captains. He nodded towards Bardoff, his eyes flicking to acknowledge the other captain. This man was thin and taller than Bardoff, with dark eyes and a face stern with determination and concern. "Where is he?" The engineer backed up at the demand.

Patty blinked in surprise. "In here."

"This is Captain Stanley. He's Gage's captain." Bardoff explained even as the tall man wedged his thin frame in the doorway. He waved at the other men who all wore equal looks of concern. "This is his crew, 51's. They're our help." Patty recognized one as another engineer…uuuh Stoker, yeah, that was right. Stoker held a white handed grip on a hook and was glaring daggers at Kent who shrank back from them. Patty instantly knew these men were Johnny's shiftmates and their concern over their brethren was obvious.

Patty grabbed the tall captain's arm and dark eyes turned to him, a stiffened body ready to blast so Patty talked quickly. He told them about what Johnny had told him about his injuries and watched the blood drain from waiting men. The captain nodded and pushed as far into the room as he could, the others pushing right behind him. Patty backed off, then grabbed his captain's arm. Quickly he told about Kent's actions proceeding his running off, kicked at the chalk piece on the floor and pointed toward the door. Patty had seen his captain with many expressions but the jaw tightened look of sheer outrage made him instinctively back up. He nodded toward the room. "We'll deal with that later. Right now we gotta get him out."

Hank had heard what the engineer had told his captain even as his eyes scanned the room and heart raced with his anger. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down—Bardoff was right; all that mattered now was getting Johnny out. He looked around the room, his heart heavy. Somewhere under all that mess was his youngest paramedic, injured and buried. "John? You there?" He called out.

No answer, just some settling of the pile.

"Johnny, you still with us?" Cap shouted again. There was a longer pause. Cap frowned. "Gage, answer me!" he bellowed in his best captain's voice. Everyone held still and they could see small shifting in the pile. Then, weakly, faintly came, "C..c..cap?"

"Johnny, tell us what's wrong." Cap moved closer to where the voice seemed to be coming from.

Again a weak answer, ". . . air . .way . . .blocked." Cap cussed quietly. "Hang on pal, we'll get you out."

Silence then softly, "Hur . . ry…."

Cap pointed slightly to the left of the center of the pile. "His voice came from here." He said even as he started digging again. As he moved one piece he saw what looked like a blood covered mannequin's hand. His face darkened more as he realized it had to be Johnny's hand sticking up out of the debris pile. He placed trembling fingers over the pulse point and felt nothing. "C'mon Johnny. Don't do this!" He turned back to the others as he put his glove back on. "I found his hand." Immediately they began working around where Cap stood.

Marc watched unemotionally as the men worked, knowing it was futile. Then, "Here! I see his helmet!"

Cap leaned closer to the hole, twisting his body to see but careful not to put any pressure where Johnny might lie. Finally he could see under Johnny's helmet the strands of black hair and closed eyes. Blood marked Johnny's forehead and dripped over his eyebrows. There was no movement. "Johnny? Johnny, open your eyes." The pale face he could see nestled in the debris didn't respond. He quickly shed his glove and reached into the hole. He could feel Johnny's skin was cool. He angled his hand under Johnny's nose. Nothing. He moved the debris a little more to see the lower part of the paramedic's face and froze. "No. His lips are blue . . ." he said under his breath. He heard others around him react as louder he declared, "He's not breathing! We're out of time! Get him out of there!"

That was all Marc needed. As the others scrambled to remove the trapped man from his tomb, he turned and made his way out of the building. As he walked toward the pickup spot, his thoughts rambled. _**'He's dead. I knew he was dead. Gee. Too bad. 'Suppose they'll make a big deal over his funeral. Put him on an engine and all. Seems a waste of money, time and man power if you ask me. 'Sides, he's just a redskin, don't they just stick their bodies up on a bunch of sticks for the birds to eat? Or maybe burn them.**_' He smirked at that. '_**Yeah, burn him. We could do that right here. The next building that catches just throw him on it. Easy and cheap**_.' He grinned to himself. _**'I'm hungry. Hope they still have some of those sandwiches.'**_ With that, he hopped on one of the transports and headed back to the triage center.

Once there he headed off to the table where juice, coffee, sandwiches and muffins were piled. He took one of each and headed off to a place to eat. Once he filled his belly, he sat back, sipping on his second cup as he watched the busy activities. "Hey Kent! How you doing?" came a voice and he looked up to see the red haired fellow who had sat next to him in several classes. Kent shrugged. "Ok I guess."

The man sat down next to him. "Heard you were assigned search and rescue with Gage. Wow. Imagine working with him! I mean, he was intense as an instructor! I can imagine how he is in the field! I mean . . ."

"He's dead." Marc heard his mouth saying. He was just thinking that the last thing he wanted to hear about right now was that red-skinned prairie corpse and here this boot was going on about him. Then his mouth just reacted. Now he chanced a look at the man. Blue eyes were opened wide and his mouth hung open in obvious shock.

"What!" he squeaked. "He's dead?"

"Who's dead?" Another firefighter's head turned toward them. The redheaded man answered. "John Gage! Kent here," he motioned toward Marc, "was working with him on S&R." More firefighters exchanged looks and now several faced him as a barrage of questions began. "What happened? Were you there?" Marc gave a secret smile at all the sudden attention. He gave out a sad sounding sigh as he gazed at his cup. "It was quick at least." He began and instantly his audience quieted. "We were searching some sort of auto shop and I heard the ceiling give that sound." He chanced a quick look up at the attentive dirty faces around him. "You know the one I mean." He saw several nods, most did know. "Well, I yelled for him to run and we both high-tailed it toward the door. I made it but Gage was a little slower. I turned to pull him through but it caught him…right in the helmet first. I saw his neck go."

He ducked his head back down and shook it slowly. "They're still digging his body out now but . . ." He shook his head again and gave a sad sigh. "His captain already verified it."

Around him men sat back as various mutters of sympathy/sorrow sounded. The groups slowly dispersed, some pausing to clap Marc's back in sympathy before shuffling off. Marc went back to sipping his coffee.


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49

OK. Here's another one. WOW! So close together! My husband had all kinds of things to add to this and it was HIS suggestion to end this one here. So the fault is his. Hmmmm, lots of loose ends to try to pull together…better get working!

Enjoy the reading and thanks for all the reviews!

Johnny was being truthful when he told Patty he wasn't going anywhere. He tried moving his arms, his heart beating out a loud rhythm in his ears from his fear at the tingling in them. One arm was trapped somewhere up over his head, the other was twisted back behind him. He couldn't feel anything from his waist down and wasn't sure if his legs were under him or ..or ripped off. '_**What if I'm bleeding? What if they're broken and it's compound? I could bleed to death before they get me free! Would I feel that? I can't feel anything!'**_ He swallowed and held his breath, trying to get his heart to slow and get his panic under control. He was scared, perhaps more scared than he'd been in a long time.

'_**Calm down. Patty's right here. He's trying to get you out.**_' He told himself. He could hear the big engineer grunt as he moved away the debris covering him. He took as deep a breath as the refuse pushing against his chest allowed and forced his body to relax. It wasn't as deep as he wanted or needed and that only served to rev up his heart again. Patty was talking to him again but he'd breathed in some dust and began coughing.

Outside the pile Patty heard the coughing and paused in his work. "Johnny? You ok in there?"

There was no answer as Johnny continued to cough then a weak reply. " 'm still .. ..still here."

Patty sighed and went back to clearing the doorway as much as he could. Johnny felt the pile around him shift and suddenly something was tightening around his neck, making his breathing harsh. He struggled, trying to get it to release as he tried drawing slow even breaths. That worked for a while then his body's demand for more oxygen forced him to breathe fast. He could hear the harsh restricted sounds of his own inhalations. Then another voice called to him.

Johnny froze trying to hear that voice again. It came, a familiar voice that made a feeling of comfort spread over his aching body. "Johnny, you still with us?"

It was Cap's voice. Cap was here. If Cap was here, then the rest of the crew was here too. They'd get him out.

He was relaxing with that relief when he heard his captain bellow, "Gage, answer me!"

Johnny's body jerked in instinctive reaction and he opened eyes he hadn't realized he'd closed. Cap was angry..? At him? He'd better answer. He put all the breath he could into a call and barely managed, "C..c..cap?"

"Johnny, tell us what's wrong." He could hear movement and could almost see in his mind his captain standing there, tall and rigid, a serious look on his face as he directed the rescue…_**his**_ rescue.

He pulled in a slow restricted breath and pushed it out again in a reply, ". . . air . .way . . .blocked."

His captain immediately answered him, "Hang on pal, we'll get you out." And he could hear the reassurance in that promise. Johnny's eyes drifted closed, his chest barely moving as his breaths now came in sharp gasps. His head was swimming and there was a roaring in his ears. He tried one last call, one last time to tell them they needed to get him out now! Before it was too late!

"Hur . . ry…." He gasped out.

Whatever had tightened on his neck and his own body's reaction to the stricture had nearly closed off his entire airway. He had no breath left for calling out. He could feel his body becoming numb as his oxygen levels dropped. He knew he was suffocating and there wasn't anything he could do to stop it. His last fuzzy thoughts were of his friends …and Roy. His mouth formed that name as consciousness left him.

Roy hopped off the transport and looked around, hoping to see Johnny. The last building he'd been helping sweep had, thankfully, been empty. They'd sent two people with slight injuries to the triage center then he and his current partner, Darrin Becker, were told to head back to IC and take a break. Most of the train and the buildings it had crashed into had now been cleared and it was rumored that soon the first wave of rescuers would be released. He shuddered slightly as he thought about the numbers of dead and injured this incident had caused.

As he walked toward the table to check in, he nodded to several others he knew. Sad stares followed him and he blinked a little in surprise. Then Jason Schlemmer walked past him, stopping to slap his back in sympathy. "Sorry, DeSoto," he said, "He was a good guy, a great rescue man."

Roy frowned at him as he walked on past, shaking his head. Another hand on his shoulder caught his attention and he turned to look into Tom Dwyer's distressed eyes. "Hey Roy. Listen, if you need any help with anything, give me a call."

Roy managed a smile although he was totally confused, "Sure, uhhh Dwyer. I will."

Dwyer patted him, "Do. I know how close you two were." Then he turned and walked away, leaving Roy standing frozen, his heart beating rapidly. A niggling feeling was squirming in his gut, matching another in his brain and he wasn't liking what it was implying. He looked around a little frantically, trying to find someone without really knowing who he was looking for. His eyes keep catching on various faces: faces who looked at him with pity or silently turned away from his gaze. A tiny whimper escaped him as one thought gelled from the rolling feelings in his brain and gut. '_**Johnny…'**_

He began to move faster through the area, partly to get away from the staring eyes. "Roy. Roy!" a voice hailed him and he turned, unaware of the desperate look now on his face. Mike Morton was hurrying toward him. One look at the serious resident's face and those squirming feelings turned into lead. He swallowed hard as his throat felt tight. "Johnny . . ." he managed in a strangled voice.

Morton stopped beside him, one hand on his arm but the look on his face told all. "Come over here Roy." The intern said even as he pulled the unresisting paramedic over to a more sheltered corner. Roy's blue eyes never left the intern's face.

"How. . . how bad?" He managed to stammer out.

Morton sighed, "He's uhhhh, been listed as Code F."

Hearing the words was like getting a physical blow. Roy staggered and wondered for a minute where all the air went. He felt himself being pushed down into a chair and a cup of something hot placed in his hand. "Take a deep breath, Roy. Come on." Mike urged. Roy did and his brain cleared with oxygen flowing back into his body but his soul started a low keening.

"How?" His voice asked, at least it sounded kinda like his voice. The cup was pushed against his lips and he drank automatically. The warm fluid flowed down his throat but wasn't nearly hot enough to melt the block of ice his insides had become. He just knew that even a four alarmer wouldn't melt that block. In fact, he was sure it would never ever be fully melted ever again. It would take a special sound—a laugh, a word from lungs that would no longer breathe to melt it.

"He was doing search and rescue when a ceiling fell on him. The paramedic he was with, uhhh I believe you know him, Kent? Well, he witnessed the falling debris break Johnny's neck." Morton was saying. The name caught somewhere in his whirling brain but right now he couldn't think about that. Roy closed his eyes, hoping to stop the blurriness. "You take care of him?" He asked softly. When there was silence he opened his eyes and looked up. Morton was shaking his head. If it was possible the ice got colder. He knew what that meant. Then… Johnny hadn't even been brought to triage. And that meant his partner was already called and was one of those covered forms placed off to the side in the make shift morgue.

Roy's eyes were drawn to that tent even as his voice said "I want to see him."

Morton shifted, "He's not here, Roy." He winced at the look of faint hope in the blue eyes that looked up at him, regretting he was going to be the one to further extinguish the dim light in those eyes. "Last I heard, they're still digging him the rest of the way out. Ummm, your captain was with them."

Roy felt the tiny flame of hope die. If Cap was there, and had witnessed it, then it was true. His partner, his friend, was dead.

Morton saw that glimmer fade away before Roy gave a slow nod and dropped his head to stare down at his hands. Morton sighed, "I know that it might not have seemed that Gage and I got along." Roy gave a faint snort and Morton's lips twisted up in a weak grin. "Ok." He admitted, "We banged heads together more than a few times." He laid a hand on Roy's shoulder, "But I hope you know I really did respect him. He was a conscientious paramedic and a right decent guy." He gave a rueful look as he added, "Even if he could be the most exasperatingly stubborn, aggravating, maddening, mule headed, .. . "

Roy gave a bark of a laugh then his inhaled breath trembled roughly. "Yeah. That's my partner." He quietly agreed. Morton closed his eyes as his shoulders sagged. He would miss the cocky paramedic. In silent commiseration, he squeezed Roy's shoulder.

They stood there for a few moments then Morton straightened and with one last pat, left. Roy had no idea how long he sat there, his body numb, his mind buzzing with so many thoughts none of them really registered…except the thought that nothing would ever be quite as bright again.

When another hand tapped his arm softly, he looked up to see Carol looking at him. Her dark eyes were tearing and Roy felt his lips tremble. "He's really gone." He whispered and she sadly nodded as two tears slipped from her eyes to spill down her dark cheeks. Roy blinked his eyes rapidly and straightened up. He was still on duty—he still had a job to perform. Later, once he was alone, he'd grieve for his friend. Or perhaps, in the arms of his wife, they would grieve together for their loss.

"I'd better check in." His voice didn't quite sound right but at least it was fairly steady.

Carol gave him a watery smile, "It's already been taken care of. We need you to go with this next ambulance back to Rampart. Not too bad, one broken leg, one possible broken wrist and minor lacerations." Roy nodded and stood up. Carol's hand on his arm stopped his forward movement and he turned to her. "I'll be alright." He said in answer to her unvoiced question. He didn't add that it might take years.

Carol's lips twitched slightly into a sad smile, "I'll miss him." She softly said. Roy nodded. "Yeah. Yeah." What else could he add? He walked over to the ambulance that was idling nearby and helped them load in the gurney. Once everyone was in and secure, he climbed in. He sat in the jumpseat as the doors were slammed shut and two slaps sounded the all clear.

He checked over the splint on the man on the gurney, making sure the toes on the broken leg had a good pulse and were pink and warm then moved to see the two sitting on the bench. One guy looked at him strangely and Roy gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

"If you don't mind my saying, you look like crap." He suddenly burst out. Roy pulled back slightly and blinked in surprise. The guy flashed white teeth on his dirty face, "Hey, I know you! You're one of those paramedics from my beat… uhhh 51's right?"

Roy nodded slowly. The guy stuck out his unsplinted hand, "Bob Pauling,* Guess I look different in civies huh."

Now Roy blinked as he shook the offered hand, "Oh. Yeah. You're uuhh deputy sheriff right?"

Bob nodded. "Yeah. Was riding that monster coming home from my vacation." He shook his head, "10 + years on the force and not so much as a fender bender then I go on vacation and get this." He waved to his splint arm. Roy nodded and checked the fingers sticking out, making sure they was getting circulation. Bob watched him closely. "So, DeSoto. What's uhhh, what's got you so glum?'

Roy didn't answer as he turned to check the vitals on the third man. That guy looked first at the paramedic checking him, then turned to Joe. "Bet I know. Bet he knew that fireman that bought it. I heard the ambulance guys discussing it while they were getting us in here. You know those guys are tight, just like you cops."

Bob's head swiveled around hard to look at Roy. "That true?"

Roy didn't look up as he wrote the vitals he'd just taken down on the pad he carried. "Yeah. I knew him." He heard his voice say and wondered at the hoarseness of it. Slowly he looked up and into concerned brown eyes. "He was my partner."

Now Bob's face took on a shocked look, his eyebrows shooting upward, "Johnny?" Then he shook his head, his mouth a thin line. "Don't believe it."

Roy's gaze went back to his paper. "He's been called already. Code F. It was witnessed." His voice caught as he added, "They're still digging him out."

Bob continued to shake his head. "Still don't believe it. Gage has survived too much. I won't believe it until I see it in the Obits."

Roy froze as a hand settled on his shoulder. He turned and looked into Bob's face. "And don't you either. Don't believe into you see his corpse."

He gave the cop a careful nod even though that block of ice didn't ease any. After all, Cap himself had been there. A sudden slowing of the ambulance distracted him. He faced toward the front. "What's going on, Rodge?"

The attendant turned his head slightly. "Looks like a accident. Traffic's all backed up. I'll do what I can but it looks pretty solid from here."

"Well, everyone's stable here for now." Roy told him even as he pulled the biophone up. He informed Rampart of the delay and was told to continue to monitor his patients and give updates on vitals every fifteen minutes.

Cap hovered over his trapped man, pushing the debris away from Johnny's chest and upper body. Once he got enough away, he careful angled himself so he could get his own face down close to Johnny's. He carefully put his hands around Johnny's neck to keep it from moving while still pinching off his nose, then closed his mouth over Johnny's and blew as hard as he could. He could feel the resistance but there was enough movement he was sure he felt Johnny's chest rise a little. As he released he could feel exhalation on his cheek. He inhaled deep and did it again. He knew that it might not be much, but he was at least getting some airflow into the suffocating paramedic.

"C'mon Johnny." He growled, "THIS is NOT your year, not your time yet!" Breath. "We didn't lose you to that explosion." Breath. "We didn't lose you to two surgeries." Breath. "We didn't lose you to two different infections." Breath. "I'll be damned if you lose out now to a simple entrapment."

Around him, the others were working as quickly as possible to uncover the rest of Johnny's body. Cap felt someone bump him then a young sounding voice told him, "You just keep doing what you're doing there, Cap. I'll try and see what else is going on."

Cap shot a quick glance over into a very stained, dirty and very young face and concerned grey eyes. "I'm Joel Dobson, new paramedic. I've been working with Johnny this morning." The medic said as he pulled out a c collar. Cap shifted his hands as he gave his paramedic another breath and as he did, his fingers brushed the buckle of Johnny's chin strap. He paused, frowning as his fingers traced it, feeling it was nearly buried into the flesh of Johnny's neck. His eyes widened with knowledge as he announced, "I think I found part of the problem! Cut his chin strap!"

Joel looked confused at the captain's odd order.

Cap blew another breath into Johnny and shouted, "Just do it!"

Joel's hand immediately went to the assessment pouch on his hip, pulled free his scissors then he bent forward to carefully reach under the trapped paramedic's neck. As he tried to put his fingers between the strap and Johnny's neck, he realized, "Holy shit! This thing's practically embedded in his neck! No wonder he's not breathing!" He finally managed to get the scissors under the strap and snip. Then he carefully pulled the strap free and tossed the helmet aside. Cap had given Johnny another breath but as he leaned in again he felt Johnny inhale on his own. The sound was rough and raspy but Johnny was breathing.

Cap felt instant relief and leaned his forehead against his still trapped man's. "Of all the times for you to not lose your helmet…" He muttered. Behind him he heard a muttered comment from Mike. There was muttering then Chet's voice complained, "His helmet? Geez, Gage of all the rotten . .. " the sound faded off. Joel had his fingers pressed into Johnny's neck and joy filled his face as he turned to Cap. "Pulse is good and strong. He's pinking up now."

Joel was right, the bluish cast had left Johnny's face and lips. With his chest now cleared of debris, it rose and fell with his respirations. Joel carefully fastened the c collar around Johnny's neck and made sure it was snug but not inhibiting his airway.

"There's an awful lot of blood on him." Marco commented.

Joel nodded even as he ran his hands over the other man's shoulders and arms. "Not his. We had a guy bleed out on us earlier." Marco nodded, noting the younger paramedic had blood splattered on him as well.

"Why didn't I feel his pulse in his wrist?" Cap hadn't realized he'd spoken out loud until Joel answered.

"His arm was trapped up over his head. That would've interfered with blood flow." Joel began running his hands over Johnny's chest, feeling his ribs. "Cap? You wanna put some pressure on that cut on his face?"

Cap nodded and took the 4x4 handed him, grinning once when he saw it was a worried looking Mike who handed it to him. Johnny's body was now completely uncovered and all of his shiftmates were kneeling near him. Beyond them, Captain Bardoff and Patty watched. Bardoff had heard rumors about the unusual closeness of 51's A shift. Now he was seeing it.

All eyes went back to the patient when Johnny groaned and moved his arm. Cap placed a steadying hand on his paramedic's chest and soothed. "Easy Johnny. We got ya. You're gonna be fine now."

Multiple breaths were let out in a whoosh as brown eyes fluttered open and a scratchy voice asked, "Cap?"

Hank smiled down into the still glassy eyes, "Yeah, John. I'm right here. We all are."

Joel leaned forward, grinning. "Hey Johnny. I need to check your eyes here."

"Kay." Johnny blinked his eyes as the light shone into them but was slightly relieve it didn't hurt. Maybe that meant he'd escaped a head injury…other than the cut on his face, that was. "Great. For once no concussion. Yea."

"Looks like it." Joel nodded. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Johnny sighed, "After Kent blew up I followed him in here. He was acting more…normal like, making comments about what a mess this place was and how I …" He slowed down in his explanation. Cap tightened his grip on his shoulder, "If you don't remember pal, that's ok,"

Johnny rolled his eyes to look up at his captain. "oh, I remember." His husky voice held a bitter tone. "I remember every little thing he said and what he didn't say right up until I told you my airway was blocked."

Cap looked puzzled, "Then… why the…" Johnny dropped his gaze and Cap felt his jaw tighten. "Oh."

Johnny gave as much of a nod as he could, "Yeah. He started in on how with my intelligence I was more suited to working with my hands on cars. He said he'd 'put in a good word' for me here as he figured they'd be hiring. Then he told me I could start by cleaning up this room."

Johnny sighed. And Chet turned away, anger on his face as Marco began a fast low mutter in Spanish. Johnny was continuing, "I just wanted to get him—and me, out of here. I could hear the place groaning like an old woman. So I agreed with him and told him I would take him up on that offer as soon as I got some cleaning supplies. Then I heard the ceiling give THAT sound and well…."

Cap nodded, "And that was it."

Johnny sighed again. "Pretty much. I told him to run, dove to push him out the door and get myself out too. He backed away from me into the doorway and before I could get there, it all came down."

Joel consciously relaxed his jaw. If nothing else, his question had proved there was nothing wrong with his patient's memories. "Ok Johnny. Your memory is obviously fine. Where all do you hurt?"

Johnny blinked, his face wrinkled up as he clearly thought about it. "My . .my face hurts. I could feel blood. My arms are tingling." He took a deep breath and gave a faint grin, "That felt good. Chest was tight and my airway was blocked off but it's better now."

"Your chinstrap was choking you." Marco told him.

Johnny blinked up at them, "Really? My helmet nearly killed me?" They nodded solemnly. Johnny made a disgusted sound, "Geez Cap. My helmet?"

Cap sighed, "I know. Of all the times I've fussed at you to tighten that chin strap and the one time you did . .." He shrugged.

"You weren't breathing when we found you. Cap started rescue breathing on you." Mike told him.

Brown eyes met brown eyes and the younger man gave a grateful look to his captain. "Thanks."

Cap smiled. "All in a day's work."

"Especially when you work with Gage." Chet exclaimed, "OW! Damn it Marco, I'm gonna put pads on those elbows of yours."

Bardoff and Patty exchanged grins at the antics of the men before them. Then Joel leaned in again. "How about the rest of you, Johnny?"

Johnny's happy smile vanished and he swallowed hard. "My .. .my neck is really sore. Stiff—like after a car accident. My arms are tingling." He flexed his fingers slightly. "I can barely feel them or move them." He glanced at Cap, then his eyes closed. "I can't feel anything below my waist at all."

Marco scampered off the pile and quickly returned with a backboard. Joel had cleaned and patched the cut over Johnny's eye and together the experienced crew carefully rolled their teammate onto his side. "Hold him there." Joel commanded as his hands slid down Johnny's back. "Ok, roll him onto it." They did so and Joel went down to Johnny's feet. He carefully pulled off Johnny's boots then ran the end of his scissors up first Johnny's left foot, then his right. There was no reaction. He pinched Johnny's little toe.

"OK Johnny, I'm gonna check your feet. Let me know if you feel anything."

Johnny swallowed again, "Kay. Whenever you're ready."

Joel slowly pulled his hand away and dropped his eyes. Marco's dark eyes met Chet's, seeing mirrored in them the same fear. Mike took a deep breath and let it slowly out.

Johnny's face blanched as he realized what was going on. "He's already done it." His voice was flat and soft. Cap placed a hand on Johnny's shoulder and patted him. "Yes, John."

Johnny's eyes blinked rapidly. "Cap?" His voice was faint and shaky. Cap tightened his hold. "What ever it takes, John. We'll all go through it together." He held the paramedic's gaze for a long moment, then Johnny's eyes flashed from face to face. In each he saw the same concern and the same resolve. "We are with you, little brother." Marco told him softly in Spanish.

One corner of Johnny's mouth turned up. "Thanks." He breathed. Then his eyes widened and he sucked in a breath as his body stiffened. Instantly Joel was back up at his side. "What's going on? Tell me!"

"Back! Cramping 'cross shoulders!" Johnny gasped out from a clenched jaw. Joel reached behind him and could feel the rigid muscle. In the background he heard someone calling Rampart and giving them a heads up. He turned slightly to take the handset, releasing the hand he'd held the backboard steady with as he reached with the other. Cap let out a curse and caught the younger man's hand. "Where the hell this come from?"

Joel looked at his hand, surprise in his grey eyes at the fresh blood covering it. He looked at the backboard, now seeing blood beginning to drip from it. Carefully he shifted Johnny's leg and found the back of one thigh soaked in blood. "Roll him again, he's got a cut back here." Cap grabbed Johnny's head and shoulders, while Mike grabbed his middle and Chet braced his legs. Together, they placed Johnny on his side and held him securely as Joel slit his pant's leg. Marco pulled the fabric away, revealing a long groove angling up from his knee almost to the cheek of his butt.

Joel's face blanched, "Damn. Damn. I didn't check. I didn't see." He chastised himself quietly. He took the 4x4's being handed him and wiped the blood away. More welled up. He sighed and before he could ask for it a large pressure bandage was before his face. He applied it then looked at the Hispanic man next to him. Marco grinned, "We've had a good instructor." His dark gaze shot toward Johnny then met the grey eyes once more.

Joel nodded. "Yeah. He _**is**_ a good instructor." He watched the bleeding and when the bandage began to soak through, he placed another on top. He was going to have them roll Johnny back when he noticed his patient was panting.

"Uh oh." Marco muttered. Joel looked confused but Cap guessed the problem. "Your stomach?"

"Uhhh huhhhh." Johnny moaned, his eyes scrunched tightly shut. Saliva began to drip from his open mouth. Joel looked up bewilderedly at Marco who grimaced. "Johnny and injures equal . .. " He didn't need to finish as the sounds of retching cut him off. Johnny moaned at the pain the abdominal cramping sent through his body. Chet was wrapping a bp cuff around Johnny's arm and Mike was saying. "That's correct, Rampart. Pulse was 87 now 120. respirations 16, Victim is now vomiting. BP is …" He looked up at Chet who looked back at him as he removed the stethoscope from his ears. "BP is 84/58." Mike repeated then held the phone out to Joel. "They want your assessment now." He smiled to reassure the young medic. "I already told them his age and what happened. They know he was in respiratory arrest too."

Joel tried to keep his face neutral but his heart had sunk to his knees. He had failed his patient. His first solo patient, and a man he really admired and he had failed him terribly. He swallowed then concentrated on keeping his voice calm and professional. "Patient was caught in a ceiling collapse and states that he took hard blows to the top of helmet. Patient has no light sensitivity with pupils equal and reactive. Patient states his neck is stiff and sore with tingling in his arms and no feeling below waist. Patient can move fingers and arms but not legs or feet. No reaction with applied Stransky or Babinsky. Patient has a laceration about two inches in length above his left eyebrow. Patient also has a larger gouge extending from just below his uhhh, his umm, gluteus maximas to just above the posterior of his knee. Bleeding has slowed but not stopped. Patient is breathing fine but there is some swelling in his neck from the stricture of his chinstrap. Bruising marks the area as well. There is slight difficulty in swallowing."

Joel took a deep breath as he ended his report and kept his eyes from looking toward Johnny and the men surrounding him.

"Ok 51. Start an IV D5W large bore needle. Sounds like your patient is suffering from shock and maybe some dehydration. Take spinal precautions if not done already and update on vitals in fifteen if still in transporting. Get him in here as soon as possible."

Joel repeated the instructions back again looked up to see Patty motioning. "Ambulance is here. Uhh, Rampart? Patient is experiencing severe intermediate muscular spasms of his back and upper shoulder area." He paused, hoping some muscle relaxers or some thing would be prescribed. He knew Johnny was shocky and knew the continued pain would only make him worse.. To his disappointment he heard, "Negative on any medication 51. Patient was struck in the head and has a facial laceration. A head injury must be ruled out here."

With regret in his voice he acknowledged, "10-4 Rampart. Ambulance is on scene. We are transporting." He replaced the phone and was surprised when one of the 51's crew handed him an IV set up already.

Johnny had been rolled back and the straps retightened on the backboard. The firefighter grinned at Johnny, "I gave it to him." He pointed to Joel with a nearly evil grin. "Unless you really wanted to do it yourself again."

Johnny gave a faint half grin. "No, Chet. That's . . .that's ahwright. The kid needs the practice more'n I do." It was clear to see the paramedic was hurting and his shiftmates were trying to distract him and keep him conscious. Joel pushed his own anger at his failure down deep and smiled at his patient. "I don't think Rampart has their patient do their own IVs."

The one called Chet snorted, "He's done it before. He could do it again."

Joel figured they were still teasing as he inflated the BP cuff and palpitated for a vein. "There's a good one in my left forearm." Johnny suggested.

"Isn't that the one you speared yourself?" Chet mused. Johnny nodded, "But more because I'm right handed. Harder to spear one with my left hand into my right arm."

After the second stick Joel saw the flash in the chamber and taped it all down. It was as he was adjusting the drip that he realized what was said. His eyes widened as he looked down at Johnny. "you're serious! You really started an IV on yourself?" Johnny closed his eyes and gave a weary sounding sigh. "Had too. No one else around could do it."

"He got bit by a rattler out in the boonies. Had to take him in on the back of the engine. We were over 30 minutes from Rampart." Chet told, his face changing as he looked at his obviously hurting friend. Spasms hit Johnny's back again and his body stiffened.

Joel looked at him, "Wow. I didn't know you could do a self IV."

Johnny flashed a faint smile. "Neither did I." He scrunched his eyes and rode out the pain, his hands tightening into fists. Marco and Chet exchanged glances. "Can't you give him anything for the pain?" Chet asked.

Joel shook his head but Johnny answered. "No. Hit in head again. Can't give anything til Doc clears me."

Cap patted his injured man's shoulder and looked at his crew. "Well then, let's get him outta here and to the hospital." They lifted the backboard up and Joel found himself holding only the IV bag. Patty had grabbed the biophone and Bardoff had the drug and trauma box. " 'Saat Brackett on phone?" Johnny slurred and Cap exchanged glances with Mike. Both men were clearly worried. "No. I didn't recognize the voice." Mike answered for Joel.

Johnny nodded. "Yeah. Bet they called in butcha help for this." Cap pulled Joel slightly back as the other three moved Johnny onto the waiting gurney and into the ambulance back.

"He doesn't sound good." Cap's eyes were filled with worry.

Joel sighed, "He's going into shock. The IV will help stabilize him. Don't worry sir, we'll be at Rampart soon and I'm sure they'll take good care of him."

Cap smiled at that. "They always do." He watched the young medic enter the ambulance and put the ambulances O2 on his patient. "I'm gonna put a nasal cannula on you, Johnny. Looks like they're outta masks."

"Good, "Johnny's voice was weak and slurred, "Hate the masks; can't talk." Cap shook his head at that. "Figures that would be your complaint, Gage." Johnny tossed a half-hearted grin at his captain as he looked once more at his dirty tired paramedic. "John? We'll be seeing you as soon as they release us pal."

Johnny raised his hand as much as he could and waggled his fingers. "Thanks again, Cap, See ya, guys." The door was slammed tight and Cap gave it two firm raps. They all watched as the ambulance slowly made its way down the badly pocked street. Hank felt a hand clap his shoulder and looked down into the sincere hazel eyes of his fellow captain. "That's a good kid you got there. Good instincts, lotza guts."

Cap nodded. "Yeah." The hand slapped him. "He'll be fine Hank. I have a feeling he's too stubborn to let this get him down for long."

Cap grinned weakly at Bardoff. "Gary, I could tell you stories on that boy."

Bardoff nodded, his face totally sincere. "That's sounds like a date over some tall ones."

Cap nodded. "You're on, Gary. Once all this mess is over, you are definitely on." Then his manner hardened and he looked around. "Now. Where the hell is Kent!" Everyone stopped and looked around but the other medic was no where around. Then one of the lineman from 48's spoke up. "Cap? Cap? You mean that other green medic?"

At the firm nod of both captains the lineman pointed off, "He got onto the transport back to base. I saw it when I came out with Lopez there for the backboard."

Hank looked at Bardoff, fire in his dark eyes. "I'm gonna kill him. After what he did to my man…again.. no jury of _**my**_ peers would convict me."

Bardoff steeled his look, "Hank? I think you should tell me what you know first, then I've got something for you 'bout this morning." Hank nodded and gave a condensed version of their time with Marcus Kent at 51's including the way the medic acted toward Johnny once he was hurt and ending with the scene at his birthday party. Marco, Chet and even Mike chipped in here and there with details. When they were done, the men from 48's were shifting their feet and muttering darkly. Bardoff turned to Patty, "Tell them what happened today." He growled. Patty did, leaving nothing of what he heard, thought or saw out. Once he was done there were two angry engineers, four spitting mad linemen and two pissed off captains.

Hank's eyes snapped fire. "That's it. This time he's done. He'll never work fire service ever again." Bardoff nodded. "We need to talk to the chief. Now." Hank agreed.

As Patty and Mike walked over to their engines the mostly silent calm Stoker growled, "I'll kill him. For what he did to Johnny this time, I'll kill him myself."

Patty nodded, "I'll hold him for ya."

Mike grinned and shot his fellow engineer a grin. "You know." Patty mused as he stopped by his rig. "We might not have to. If Wart finds this out, he just might do it. I mean, he seemed pretty fond of the kid when I saw them together this morning . .. "

Mike frowned, "Wart? Who's Wart?"

Patty laughed. "Oh. DeSoto was rescue man at my station back when I was still a lineman. He worried so about everything I tagged him with WorryWart, Wart for short."

Mike gave a short burst of laughter. "Sounds like our Roy." Then he stopped dead, a serious look on his face. "Oh. God. Roy." He turned and headed toward his own engine. "Cap? I just had a thought …"

Cap nodded as he climbed up into his seat. "Bet I had the same one. Roy."

Mike nodded. Cap sighed. "Let's get back to base. I need to report this…" He sighed again and finished with, "And find my other paramedic."

The ambulance bumped slowly along the broken up street and Johnny tried to remain as limp as possible. Tightening up only exacerbated the spasms in his back and made his head pound worse. He looked over at Joel who was taking his BP, his focus on the meter.

Johnny had noticed that Joel hadn't looked him in the face since he'd gotten off the horn to Rampart. Even though he ached something fierce and his throat felt swollen he knew what he had to do for the young medic. "You didn't mess up as bad as you think. You would have found the bleeding as soon as they lifted me."

Yep. Hit it in one. Joel's head snapped up and faced Johnny. "I missed a potential life threatening injury. I . .. "

"You've had a helluva lot thrown at you in one day. Your _**first**_ day as a paramedic even!" Johnny tried to shake his head. "My God, Joel! I'll be surprised if half of you trainees stay in after this! The amount of deaths, maiming and devastation we've seen today is enough to rattle the hardest vet." He could see he was making some headway with the kid and pushed it more. "Joel. I'm rattled."

At that the kid made eye contact. Johnny was serious. Him? John Gage? The man who had done the first defibrillation in the field was _**rattled**_?

Johnny's voice was soft. "I know I'm gonna be booking time with the crisis councilors. Most of us will. Those that don't will probably burn out soon after this."

Joel fiddled with the stethoscope. "I didn't even take your vitals. Those other guys did. They even contacted Rampart."

Johnny gave the kid a half grin, "Those guys, as you call them, are my shiftmates. And they help Roy and I out like that any time we have our hands full. And believe me, you had your hands full. You had a patient you were sure was critical, who had been in respiratory arrest and was exhibiting signs of partial paralysis…" Johnny's voice caught on that and he swallowed.

Joel was closer immediately, "Johnny? Are you having trouble swallowing? How's your breathing?"

Although Johnny hated motherhenning, he knew that the kid needed this so he was completely truthful. "My breathing is fine. My throat is a little tender when I swallow or move my jaw but not bad. It was just…." He paused and closed his eyes.

Joel knew and laid a hand on Johnny's upper arm. "I'm sure the paralysis is temporary, Johnny."

"Yeah. Hope so." Johnny forced his eyes back open, refocusing on what he had been saying. "You were doing an assessment on my ability to feel. That was important at that point. The guys couldn't do that, and I bet they felt like they had to do something. So they just did what they've done before." He attempted a slight shoulder shrug. "you did right. You got me in a c collar and got me on a backboard. THAT was important. Like I said, you woulda found the cut."

Joel realized what the older paramedic said made sense and it did make him feel better that he hadn't done the vitals check. He did another one now, calling in to Rampart to report his findings. He was pleased to see Johnny's BP was up slightly and his pulse had come down. He adjusted the drip as ordered and smiled at Johnny.

Johnny gave him a smile but it broke off as his face twisted in pain. Joel frowned. "I wish they had let me give you something."

"Not your call." Johnny forced out between his clenched jaws. He felt the ambulance stop, then back up. He nearly wept for joy. Soon he would get some relief. Joel pulled loose the IV bag and moved toward the door just as they swung open. Wilson, one of the attendants who knew Johnny clapped his shoulder, "Good luck Gage. You might have a wait, it's been a madhouse in there."

Johnny rolled his eyes. "Don't I know it. And thanks guys."

A nurse stepped forward with a clipboard as they wheeled him into the hospital. "Name?"

"John Gage. We called in from the crash sight. His latest BP was . .. " Joel started but the nurse cut him off with, "Yes. The firefighter. We got it. You can go." She pointed off to the side. "Wheel him over there and leave. We have more coming in."

Wilson patted Johnny's arm and rolled his eyes at the paramedic, "Told ya." He looked at a very bewildered Joel. "C'mon kid. You can ride back with us. Be better that waiting for other transportation."

Joel hesitated but Johnny spoke up. "It won't be this way all the time. It's just during this disaster. Normally you'll go in to the treatment room and give your report to the docs. But this is ok. Leave your notes here and I'll make sure they get put into my records."

Joel nodded, placing the slip of paper into Johnny's hand. Johnny took a long deep breath of the sweet O2 then told him, "You'd better take off the O2 also. They're gonna need it in the ambulance and I'm sure they'll hook me back up in the treatment room. Joel was reluctant to remove the O2 since he knew that Johnny's O2 SATs were probably still low, but he supposed the older medic knew more about hospital care than he did. He removed the cannula and switched off the tank, stifling a chuckle as Johnny made faces and wrinkled his nose from the itch left by the line. "Thanks a lot Johnny. For everything."

Johnny gave the kid a sincere smile. "You're welcome. And thank you for all you've done." Then he gave a big grin and winked, "I'll be seeing you out in the field."

Now Joel smiled and pointed his finger at Johnny. "Count on it." With that, he turned and exited the hospital.

Johnny sighed and tried to look around but the c collar prevented much movement and none of the voices he heard around him sounded familiar. His eyelids started to droop with no distractions or anyone keeping him alert and soon Johnny faded away.

Engine 51's brakes hissed as Mike pulled the engine to a stop. Engine 48's echoed right beside them. Hank turned to address his men even as Bardoff faced his. "I'll report you men in, so go ahead over and get some chow. Bardoff, Nolan and I have some business with the Chief. The three men nodded and watched as their captain left beside the other captain and Patty.

"Finally." Chet's voice cut through the silence. Marco faced his friend. "What?"

Chet looked at his shiftmates, "I said finally. Finally that A**H**** is gonna get what he deserved long ago."

Marco nodded, his normally jovial face grim with worry over his brother.

"Too bad Johnny had to be the one to pay for his inadequacy yet again." Mike sighed.

The look of elation dropped from Chet's face at that thought. "Yeah." He muttered solemnly.

Marco sighed, "You think he's gonna be alright? I mean, you think his legs … I mean his neck and all…."

The other two's faces reflected the fear they, too, faced for their friend. Mike looked down at his hands, "He's already been through so much this year, now this?"

Chet made a scoffing noise, "Ahhh, Gage will be just fine. He'll bounce right back just like he always does. He's like a stubborn cold that way, ya just can't ever really get rid of 'em."

Mike looked angrily at him while Marco looked shocked. "Kelly! I can't believe you said that!"

Chet looked surprise at the animosity coming from his shiftmates. "What? Whadd-i say?" He protested.

"You said you wanted to get rid of Johnny." Mike ground out as Marco shook his head and muttered darkly in Spanish.

Chet now flushed red then pale as he shook his head frantically, "No! No I didn't! I would never say that!" He looked horrified at the thought.

Mike glared at him, "Yes you did. You said he was like a cold and you wanted to be rid of him. No one likes a cold, Kelly. Everyone does all they can to kill it."

Chet blinked at them, raising his hands beseechingly, "No! That's not what I meant! I didn't mean I wanted anything bad to happen to him! I . ..I just meant I … that he was resilient! That he can . .. . I didn't mean I wanted him gone…" He sighed and dropped his head and hands. He sighed heavily as the other two turned their backs on him. "Look guys. I like Johnny—a lot. And I would never wish anything bad on him." He looked at his hands, still dirty from digging Johnny out. "I'm as worried as you are. I was just joking, trying to make it …easier." He finished softly.

Mike and Marco exchanged glances. Marco tilted his head toward Chet who now looked the epitome of misery. Mike sighed and looked thoughtful before he gave a firm nod. "We know you are, amigo." Marco told him as he put a arm over his shoulder.

Without another word, the three headed off for the chowhall.

Bardoff and Hank announced to the check-in attendant that both crews were back, then Hank asked. "Where's Chief Hauts?" The aide blinked at him then pointed over toward a segregated area. The three men nodded and headed over. Hank rapped on the standing frame around two L shaped tables and a large paper-strewn desk. "Chief? Ya got a couple minutes?"

Chief Hauts was seated behind the desk with two other Chiefs standing near him, all pouring over a large map. As Hank spoke they raised their heads and Hank recognized one of the other men as Chief Sorenson. Hauts gave a quick smile that turned quickly into a look of solemness. "Ahhh, Hank. Good, you got my message. I want to first tell you I'm so sorry. To you and all your men."

Hank looked bewildered, "Message? Sorry? About what?"

The three chiefs exchanged glances. "About Gage, of course."

Hank sighed, "Oh. Yes. That's why we're here. There's something you need to know about that situation."

Chief Hauts came around the desk and placed his hands on Hank's shoulders, leading him over to a chair and gently forcing him into it. Hank looked even more puzzled by his boss's behavior and glanced at Bardoff who shrugged his puzzlement as well.

Chief Hauts sat on the edge of his desk and the other two moved closer. "You know you all have our deepest sympathy. You and your crew. I understand he was quite close to his partner and his family. I will immediately grant any time off DeSoto needs for … ahhh, making arrangements."

Hank nodded but his face showed he still didn't understand. The other Chief stepped up, "I'm Chief Conrad. I knew Gage before he became a paramedic. In fact, I encouraged him to go for the program. He was a excellent rescue man and I followed his career after he left 10's. He was an excellent paramedic as well."

"One of the first and best," Chief Sorenson nodded as he spoke.

Hank sat back, a growing horror starting ice-cold deep in his belly and spreading. His dark eyes widening in realization, he looked from the men in front of him to Bardoff and Patty, seeing the same comprehension dawning on their faces. "No. You mean… Johnny?"

They nodded and then they looked confused. "Hank? I thought you knew? I mean, you were there when they were digging him out, right?"

Hank felt his vision close in as his breathing sped up. "He was alive; alert. When we put him into the ambulance he was talking to us." He slumped in his chair, his eyes closing, "Oh God. He must've stopped breathing again. There musta been something more wrong than just his helmet. He wasn't breathing when we pulled him out. I …I thought when I got him breathing again he was going to be alright. I can't …can't believe he's …."

Bardoff stepped forward and laid a hand on his fellow captain's shoulder as his own head bowed. He, too, thought the scrappy young medic would make it.

But now the three Chiefs were looking at him bewildered, "You said you… pulled him out alive?"

Hank nodded, but his head stayed bowed and his eyes closed, trying desperately to keep the moisture gathering there inside.

"Yes." Bardoff's gruff voice cut through the silence. "Like Hank said, the boy was blue, not breathing, when they first uncovered him. He was apparently being straggled by his chinstrap. That new firedoc cut the strap while Hank was doing that breathing thing on him and the kid started breathing again. They got him excavated and he woke up, told us all what had happened and they put him into an ambulance and sent him off."

The Chiefs exchanged more serious looks. "Let me get this straight." Chief Hauts leaned forward. "Hank?"

Hank raised his head and opened his eyes. He looked into his boss's face. Chief nodded to him. "Bear with me, Hank. You excavated Gage,"

Hank nodded.

"And he wasn't breathing but you preformed artificial respirations on him and he began breathing on his own."

Hank nodded and looked back at Bardoff who wore a confused look as well. The older captain shrugged, having no idea where the Chiefs were going with their talk. He turned back to the intense scrutiny Chief Hauts had him under.

"Yes, the other medic, uhhh."

"Joel Dobson." Patty supplied. Hank nodded his thanks, "Dobson. He took care of John and they left together in an ambulance for Rampart.

Chief Conrad leaned forward. "And. Gage's neck…?"

Hank frowned, "He told us it felt stiff and sore. Dobson had him in spinal restraints." He shook his head and sighed. "Johnny told us he ….couldn't feel his legs." His voice was soft.

Chief Hauts nodded, his expression thoughtful. "So. When you last saw Paramedic Gage, he was backboarded in the back of an ambulance accompanied by Paramedic…" He hesitated, "Dobson, but Gage was alive and alert albeit injured."

Both bewildered captains and one engineer nodded.

"And Paramedic Kent didn't treat him or aid you?"

As the name was said, the three Chiefs were surprised to see the blatant hostility on the three men's faces. Patty began a low growl, Bardoff's scowl could freeze a waterfall, and Hank burst out with, "Kent! There's no way I'd let that SOB come within a mile of John Gage even if he was the LAST paramedic on earth!"

"Why?" Chief Conrad finally had the nerve to ask.

"I'll start," Hank growled. He told the gathered Chiefs more about Kent and his treatment and attitude toward Johnny, keeping it less personal but detailed. Then Patty began his tale, telling about how Kent taunted Johnny, how he acted toward rescue work and finally how he behaved at the room where Johnny was trapped. Bardoff backed him up with what he'd seen, his face dark as he described the partial chalk mark. When they were done, it was the Chiefs' turn to look outraged.

Chief Conrad had his jaw clenched so tight his lips were white, Chief Sorenson was muttering darkly, and Chief Hauts eyes were flashing fire. "Vogal!" He bellowed. Immediately an aide's head popped into the enclosure. "Sir?"

"I want Fireman Marcus Kent in my presence YESTERDAY!"

Vogal blinked but nodded his head. "yyy…yes sir. Ummmm, sir? Many of the first shift have been released. He mm might be . . ."

"I DON'T CARE IF HE'S ON MARS! FIND HIM!"

Vogal gulped and disappeared.

Hank looked at Bardoff who looked at Patty then all of them looked at the Chiefs. Chief Hauts had sat back in his chair but had turned his back on the rest. "Someone tell 'em. I'm too pissed right now." He growled.

Chief Conrad sighed and began.

Various firefighters hurried in and out of the tent, aides ran back and forth, carrying papers, changing charts, shifting various positions on the maps. Everyone was busy… until a scream of purest outrage froze them all instantly.

"HE TOLD YOU _**WHAT**_?"

*Bob Pauling was the deputy with the guys at the treehouse in epi "Virus" And yes, Joel didn't do a full assessment. Cut him some slack, the kid's had a really bad first ever day. Like most of us, he'll think back on everything later and know what he missed and never miss it again.


End file.
